Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Cockodile Tears

12/18/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 18th, 2020:

#3 JIM EDMONDS & MEGHAN KING

These two are complete idiots. And sadly, they've reproduced. The feuding exes can't keep their drama off of social media. From accusing each other of loose morals, to an accusation of purposely exposing family to COVID, to being abusive, and now this. Jim is claiming his ex-to-be is a filthy P-I-G. In a video he posted, he said:

"Today's the big day. I got my house back. Tenants (your family, Jim) moved out, and I get to clean it up and put it up for sale. Hopefully somebody cleaned it up a little bit, but we will see."

Video shows the house not as tidy as one would expect, with bags of stuff left behind, fingerprints on the appliances, and... poop in the toilet.

Sigh.

Flush it-- like your marriage, girlfriend. It's understandable that this has been a bitter divorce. Jim was not there for you when you finally got pregnant, and then one of your children has medical needs. But lashing out publicly is not a good look-- even if he's doing that to you. Both of you STFU permanently.

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#2 PEREZ HILTON

The celeb blogger took to YouTube to cry literal tears because he's been permanently banned from TikTok. Literal tears. Over a social media platform! He says his:

"World is crumbling."

Really, asshat? The real world is crumbling before us. A pandemic. Civil unrest brewing. People losing their jobs. And you're a grown ass man. A 42-year-old man who's begging TikTok's most popular personality, Charli D'Amelio to help you get back in TikTok's good graces!?!? And you don't know why people are comin' for ya and reporting your content? Your memory is slipping, perhaps. Earlier this year, you took a shot at Ms. D'Amelio. The 15-year-old...

"Anyone else think it's inappropriate for a 15-year-old to dance to this?"

She was dancing to "Sugar" by Brockhamtpon while wearing a bikini. And since Charli has 100+ million followers, they got a little angry. And mobilized to cancel you.

Don't snark unless you can handle retaliation.

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#1 SHIA LABEOUF

I really don't know why this dude is even a celebrity in the first place. Your acting is meh. Your looks are meh. And your humanity is subpar. One of his former girlfriends, FKA Twigs, is suing Shia, accusing him of emotional, physical, and psychological abuse, and-- knowingly giving her an STD.

During a Valentine's Day trip last year, FKA claims that Shia repeatedly got angry with her, drove recklessly, and threatened to crash the car if she didn't say that she loved him. Later at a gas station, he allegedly threw her against the car, screamed in her face, and forced her back in the car. Former girlfriend Karolyn Pho said Shia once drunkenly headbutted her and pinned her to the bed. Both ladies say that he was extremely jealous and didn't like them to look at waiters at restaurants, and had rules about how many times a day they had to touch him.

His response? He denied many of the allegations, but...

"I'm not in a position to tell anyone how my behavior made them feel. I have no excuses for my alcoholism or aggression, or any rationalizations. I have been abusive to myself and everyone around me for years. I have a history of hurting the people closest to me. I'm ashamed of that history and am sorry to those I hurt. There is nothing else I can really say."

Yet, you continue this said pattern. And yes, you've been to "rehab". But apparently, it hasn't worked. Probably because you really don't care. Empty words from you, again. Because a guy who's remorseful doesn't get photographed with a face mask that reads: "Love me like you hate me."

Eff. Off.

I've said it once, I'll say it again because it's 100: Your name most def should be changed to Shia LeDouche. You're just a ginormous POS.

Practice What You Preach

11/20/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 20th, 2020:

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#3 MEGHAN KING AND JIM EDMONDS, Real Housewives of Orange County former castmember; baseball dude

These two assh&les actually give the physical anatomy a bad name. It's obvious this soon-to-be-divorced couple hate each other. Loathe may be a better word. But their loathing is even beyond that. Jim Edmonds may have been a baseball "legend", but he's more legendary at being a horrible, cheating spouse. (Way to bang the nanny!) And Meghan is a self-righteous, sanctimonious princess who really, really needs to eat a sandwich.

Jim had COVID a while back. And now Meghan has it. But one of Jim's daughters from another disastrous marriage is claiming the Meghan intentionally exposed the entire Edmonds family-- including Meghan's own kids-- to COVID. I would like to think no one would use this as a weapon on anybody else, but... some people have ill intentions. Anywho, everyone's airing their dirty shorts because that's the thing to do. I hope these two "adults" never reproduce again. With anyone. But thanks for the messiness. Because we all feel better about our awesome lives compared to yours.

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#2 ISAIAH WASHINGTON

(Yeah, I know. The gif is of Katherine Heigl. But there aren't any gifs of Isiah, so...)

Nothing like re-engaging in an old beef. Isaiah and his former "Grey's Anatomy" co-star Katherine Heigl are butting heads again-- this time on the socials. Over his controversial exit from Grey's over a decade ago, thanks to her accusation that Isaiah called one of their co-stars a homophobic slur. In a tweet earlier this week, he shared a photo of Heigl and this:

"This woman once proclaimed that I should 'never' be allowed to speak publicly again. The world agreed with her proclamation back then and protested for my job and my head in 65 languages. I wish I was on Twitter in 2007, because i will NEVER stop exercising my free speech."

No one knows why he went all rage-y. Perhaps he's vying to the the first person cancelled before cancel culture became a thing.

Look, Isaiah. Just zip it and use a voodoo doll for your aggressions like the rest of us...

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#1 ELLEN DEGENERES

I absolutely cannot stand a hypocrite. And Ellen is a huge, stinky pile of hypocrite. The same Ellen that faced serious allegations of racism, unfair work practices, and toxicity in the workplace, has the audacity to keep shoving down our throats her "Be Kind" mantra. With that sentiment in mind-- words she allegedly does not live by-- she just released her "Be Kind" subscription box just in time for the holidays.

Oh, yipee!

Ellen says the box is all about spreading kindness with brands that do the same. All for the low price of $55.

So, let's review. You're most likely an undercover-ish beyotch who has this facade of "peace, love and unicorn farts", who still doesn't realize that your fans (average people) are trying to stay afloat during this never-ending pandemic. Sure, spending $55 on your box of bullshit sounds awesome! Not.

Hey, Ellen. Why don't you crawl inside your box (whichever one you choose-- wink, wink) and be kind to all of us and disappear.

Do Not Pass Go

6/26/2020

Offenders for the week ending June 26, 2020:

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#3 JIM EDMONDS

The former pro baseballer/reality TV husband of Meghan King Edmonds (formerly of Real Housewives of Orange County) paid a pre-pube-boner-long-j*zzy tribute to his new GF on the Insta. We'll summarize:

"I was in such a dark place, going through hell ending a loveless and abusive relationship. The lies and accusations that followed the break up... Along came this beautiful woman by chance."

Pffft. By chance...Wake up, Jimmy. That "chance" is because your wallet still "works". Which is why as you get older, your wives get progressively younger...

This guy is a delusional, arrogant POS. Loveless marriage? From the guy on camera yelling and badgering his now ex-wife. This from the guy who wasn't there for her as she underwent her IVF treatment. Literally was not in town. This from the guy that allegedly banged the nanny (he just had "thoughts"). This from the guy sexting other women while married... So happy you found your fourth victim, er, ex-wife-to-be.

(The above gif is not Jimmy. But it is an accurate sentiment...)

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#2 CAMILLE COSBY

Stand blindly by you man, right? For the first time in 6-years, Bill Cosby's wife is talking. She's so pleased the Pennsylvania Supreme Court has agreed to review two aspects of Rape-y's case. But that's not all. She took her moment in the sun to call the #MeTooMovement racist.

?

She said that movement has:

"intentional ignorance pertaining to the history of particular white women-- not all white women-- but particular white women, who have from the very beginning, pertaining to the enslavement of African people, accused black males of sexual assault without any proof whatsoever, no proof, anywhere on the face of the Earth."

It's viewpoints like this that don't help the cause. And WTF is she talking about "particular white women". Ones with blue eyes? Ones that live in the 'burbs? White wives of plantation owners? Some of the biggest offenders in #MeToo have been middle-aged white men. Attacking women. So...

Look, asshat. Your husband is a rapist. He admitted such in his civil lawsuit. He admitted to giving drugs to women in order to have sex with them without their consent. That's rape. Proven.

(The above gif is not Mrs. Asshat. It's Mr. Asshat.)

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#1 MYKA STAUFFER

This horrendous pile of human excrement is finally apologizing for "re-homing" the son she adopted. The son with autism from China that she and her husband and four other kids adopted when the child was two. Oh, Huxley was four when they booted him last month. That means he probs will remember this family and that he was "returned". But Myka the-rich-bitch-assh&le-YouTube-"star" is, like, really sorry.

"This decision has caused so many people heart break and I'm sorry for letting down so many women that looked up to me as a mother... I could have never anticipated the incidents which occurred on a private level to ever have happened, and I was trying my best to navigate the hardest thing I have ever been through... I apologize for being so naive when I started the adoption process, I was not selective or fully equipped or prepared..."

She then rambles about how she only received a day of training and didn't know enough, and blah, blah, blah. You didn't know this child had special needs. Please. But, bright spot!

"... I can't say I wish this never happened because I'm still so glad Huxley is here and getting all the help he needs. I also know that even though he is happier in his new home and doing better that he still experienced trauma... no adoptee deserves more trauma..."

She later tried to say that Huxley-- the 4-year-old boy-- asked to be "re-homed". Un-effing-believable. I'm calling bullsh*t on that. Completely.

You're sorry now? Right. It's 'cuz you lost all that endorsement money. I guess how we're really feeling about you is: F&CK YOU!

P.S. Do us all a favor and just go straight to Hell right now.

(The above gif is not this b*tch. It's a steamy pile. Which she is...)

Unfollowed & Unforgiven

11/15/2019

Offenders for the week ending November 15, 2019:

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#3 MILEY CYRUS

As well all know by now, Miley has split from her husband, Liam Hemsworth, moved on to some chick named Kaitlyn, and is now partnered with Cody Simpson. Yes, we're getting itchy just thinking about it. But this latest tidbit has landed The Virus back on the list. Miley was reportedly devastated when Liam unfollowed her on Instagram. Yup. Not the whole getting-divorced-is-crushing. A source said:

"She thought somehow they would find their way back to each other and she was holding onto that, but then Liam unfollowed her and that was his way of saying it's really done. Yeah, Liam is not turning back. After all that's been happening with her, she had been distracting herself from it all but now she is really feeling it. It's quite sad."

Boo-effin'-hoo. This is the same chick that took shots at her ex on social media, alluding to some alleged cheating on his part. Methinks now she was just getting back at him for the nasty, rude, heartless UNFOLLOW.

Perhaps you should be more concerned with who follows who in your coochie...

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#2 ABC NEWS & JOEY BUTTAFUOCO

Like a pimple that keeps coming back, you'd think this insult to men and Italians world-round would've disappeared for good. But, no.... Thanks to ABC and its upcoming "Growing Up Buttafuoco" special, we get to re-live the infamous 1992 incident that was milked for TV movies, TV appearances, books, and more.

If you don't recall, 17-year-old Amy Fisher shot Joey's wife Mary Jo in the face in Long Island, New York. Butthead went to jail for six months for statutory rape of Amy. Meanwhile, Amy served time for attempted murder. And Mary Jo suffered from facial paralysis and ear damage from the attack.

With this special, we get to hear from Jessie Buttafuoco-- who was 9-years-old at the time of the attack. Like we really need her perspective?

First off, ABC-- out of ideas for stories? Especially since it's the 27th anniversary. Couldn't wait til the 30th anniversary.

Secondly, Buttaf*cko-- nobody wants to hear from you, nor feels sorry for your lack of wang control and skeevy ways.

P.S. I keep thinking of that SNL skit with Jan Hooks pronouncing Buttafuoco "Butt-uh-foo-oh-co...

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#1 JIM EDMONDS

Who knew this former star baseball player was such a giant douchesniffer!?!? Guess his divorce to his current wife is getting extra ugly as he called police to question her ability to care for their kids after her girls' nite out.

Damn!

"Meghan came home from being out with friends and she had a couple glasses of wine. It was the first time Jim stayed at her house and put the kids to sleep since he filed for divorce, so she met up with friends. She didn't drive...She was washing her face when she heard someone knock around 10:30 pm. An officer was there with Jim and told her Jim said he was worried she couldn't care for the kids."

Meghan was deemed fit by officers. Meanwhile, put your bully bat away Jimmy. You filed for divorce. You want her out of your life.

Jim claimed he was just trying to "protect the situation." K. Didn't you mean, change-your-mind-and-spin-it? This from the guy with an inappropriate relationship with the nanny. This from the guy who sent inappropriate text messages to some rando. But they were non-"rooster" pics, allegedly. Who knows. Maybe at this point it looks like a dried-up drumstick from KFC, so...

Two Balls & One Sack

11/1/2019

Offenders for the week ending November 1, 2019:

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#3 JUSTIN BIEBER

He still has fans. A lot of fans. He promised to release a new album if his Instagram post got some love:

"If this gets 20 million likes Justin Bieber will release an album before Christmas."

Errr... did Justin refer to himself in third person? #douchemove

He's "recently had a burst of creativity" (lucky for us), but said he has no plans of touring cuz he did all that when he was a teenager and hated it. So...

How 'bout if this week's slap list gets a million "likes" you'll leave the U.S. for realzies...

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#2 ANDY COHEN & TERESA GIUDICE

The O.G. of Bravo TV got first dibs on interviewing Teresa and Joe Giudice-- the legal-embattled-marriage-is-sketchy couple from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. After serving his 41-month prison term for fraud, Joe was deported to Italy recently because he never became a U.S. citizen. Teresa has been on her own after serving her 15-month prison term. The two hadn't spoken in years. But then Andy stirred the pot. By recalling a prediction former castmate Caroline Manzo made many years ago: That someone (Joe) would be going away and that Teresa would divorce Joe and show her girls how to be strong.

Slap for Teresa: for thinking and speaking out loud that you think Caroline ratted you out to the FBI because she (Caroline) has lived "that dark life". Whatever that means. Stop blaming others for your shizz. Own up to it. Even your probably-gonna-be-ex husband said he knows who ratted and it wasn't Caroline.

Slap for Andy: you should've defended Caroline. She's not a criminal. She's just a truth-preaching bulldog. Your lack of fruit bowl power won't help you woo her back to the franchise.

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#1 JIM EDMONDS

It wasn't surprising when news of the former baseballer and his Real Housewives of Orange County wifey announced their split. Watching their relationship on the show (when the were cast members) was painful. She was definitely his trophy wife who was struggling to co-parent his teen daughter. But she wanted babies of her own with Jim. He agreed, but wasn't around for her IVF treatments. All seemed a bit better when their first child was born, but then came the stories of his sexting other women and other dalliances while she was preggo with their twins.

And now, Meghan accuses her Jim of extra-curricular play time with the nanny. But which one? They have four nannies and an live-in au pair. That's a lot to choose from...

It's hard to feel sorry for you Meghan. Not saying cheating is cool, cuz it's not. But dude has had two other wives? And he's on the road all the time for his job? And he's a former pro athlete?

Now, Jim vows to make things right with Meghan because she's a wonderful woman. How will you make things right? You're incapable.

1 + 1 + 1 = his bat will be a swingin' for the honey fences whenever he gets the chance... And Jim, your on-the-road-former-star-status is not a Pootie Hall Pass.

Daddy Dickest

6/21/2019

Offenders for the week ending June 21, 2019:

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#3 JIM EDMONDS

The former MLB star and kinda Real Housewives of Orange County cast member made a kind of confession-non-confession about cheating but-not-cheating on his wife, former RHOC star Meghan King Edmonds. This is what she said:

"I called Jimmy and he confessed to me that he had exchanged lewd photos with this woman over the course of several months and a physical relationship never existed. He paid her off to protect me so I'd never find out. Do I believe him? I don't know. Because I don't trust him anymore. Physical or not, he still had an affair and he admits this to me."

The vow-breaker admits to his actions but is vehement that there was nothing physical. So, guess he's not a cheater. Pffft. But he did pseudo-cheat while his wife was preggo. Classy. Keep your rooster to yourself. Nobody wants to see that dried-up jerky.

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#2 OJ SIMPSON

What in the af, dude!?!? He's served prison for one of his lesser crimes, and now that he's been free for a while he's decided to join Twitter. The Juice already has nearly a million followers. His first tweet was a video in which he said:

"I've got a little getting even to do."

Didn't you do that in 1994? Anywho, a parody OJ account screenshot-ed several menacing direct messages from OJ. He isn't pleased about this account that has filleted him about his acquittal in '94. Instead of ignoring the account, he maybe was "getting even" when he allegedly sent a ton of messages with, get this-- a string of 16 knife emojis and the warning:

"I WILL FIND YOUR ASS AND CUT YOU"

But remember, OJ didn't do it. He didn't do anything, but play football, run around airports and star in Police Academy and The Naked Gun.

Back to the golf course to find the real killers!

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#1 BILL COSBY

You remember ol' Billy. The actor/comedian/douchenozzle known as "America's Dad" that drugged and raped women over the decades? Welp, he shared a poignant message for all dads on Father's Day-- from prison:

"Hey, Hey, Hey... It's America's Dad... I know it's late, but to all of the Dads... it's an honor to be called a Father so let's make today a renewed oath to fulfilling our purpose-- strengthening our families and communities."

We have a message for you, Bill:

"Why don't you go play hide-and-go-f&ck yourself?"

Seriously? You. Giving advice!?!? On how to be a proper human being? On how to find just the right roofie mix to knock a woman out? STFU!

And, to make things even more insulting, this delusional dick pop is giving lectures to his felon, uh, fellow, inmates on the topic of:

How to get your lives together once they're free.

He's sharing tips on how to re-bond with your children, leading by example, how to find work, and how to stay clean.

Your transparent good deeds won't keep you from the fires of hell, America's Predator.

I say we teach him our own lesson. Why don't we all gather 'round, throw him on a pile of those ridiculous sweaters he used to wear and beat him with bars of soap...

Cockodile Tears

Practice What You Preach

Do Not Pass Go

Unfollowed & Unforgiven

Two Balls & One Sack

Daddy Dickest

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