Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

F&ck Face

10/26/2018

Offenders for the week ending October 26, 2018:

#3 GWYNETH PALTROW

Gwynie is all kinds of mad at Julia Roberts because her buddy remains friends with her ex-husband, Chris Martin. What!?!? I thought since the two of you "consciously uncoupled" that everything was coolio between you two. Guess not.

"Julia was at Gwyneth's engagement party but missed her wedding and then showed up at the party Chris and Dakota (Johnson, his girlfriend) were throwing instead... it's been difficult for their mutual pals to stay friends with them both."

Are you mentally stuck in grade school? You're supposed to be this evolved, all-knowing entity, spewing all your wisdom on your Goop website. Blah, blah, blah. Time to stomp your feet; throw yourself on the floor; flail your arms and kick your legs and crrrrryyyyyy.

"Gwyneth isn't Dakota's biggest fan and Brad (Falchuk, Gwyn's new hubby) didn't want Chris at their wedding celebrations, so Gwyneth isn't happy to see Julia hanging out with her ex."

Maybe Julia came to her senses and realized what a tit donkey you really are...

Oh, and get over the Dakota thing. Yes, she's younger than you. It's what men do. My ex married a chick 13 years his junior. I'm happy for him. Cuz now she can wipe his old ass instead of me.

#winning

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#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Kryptic Khloe is posting more relationship quotes on the social medias.

"Free yourself from negative people. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you."

There's more...

"Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU-- and being YOU is the only way to truly live."

And she wants to move to the CLE during the NBA season so her baby daddy Tristan can spend time with her and their daughter. Sigh. Stop with the passive-aggressive shizz and just get aggressive on Tristan. He deserves it. Kick him and his wandering wangthang out on his bum!

Here's something I wrote for you:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Kick him in the head
Or ya gonna get screwed... again

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#1 MEGYN KELLY

Why is she even still on TV? Well, she was a no-show for her show the other day, after she stepped in it... again. Where ya balls at now? Full retreat mode, is it? Maybe this will finally put an end to our misery, and her ratings-zapper of a show. Her latest guffaw? Not understanding why blackface is racist.

She said that when she was a child, it was okay to dress in blackface and "white face" for Halloween:

"... you were dressing like a character."

While that may be true, it's no longer something you can do without stirring the pot. There are many things we said and did as young folk that you just can't say and do now. Plus, she used Real Housewives of New York cast member Luann de Lesseps as an example of how it's cool. This past season, Luann dressed as Diana Ross-- in blackface.

"The iconic Diana Ross came up as an example. To me, I thought, why would it be controversial for someone dressing up as Diana Ross to make herself look like this amazing woman as a way of honoring and respecting her.?"

Ima have to call b.s on this rationale. And please-- enough with the ass-kissing. Diana gives zero effs about you, Meghole.

In a letter of apology to her colleagues and staff members, she said she's really sorry and didn't realize how un-p.c. blackface is because she herself is not politically correct.

Guess what, wenchbag? I'm not p.c. either, but I have the sense to not act a fool. You're a highly, overly-paid journalist, no? Do some research and get back to us.

#goaway

*update Meg is out at NBC. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus...

Just Shut Up

10/19/2018

Offenders for the week ending October 19, 2018:

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#3 ARIANA GRANDE

Why oh why do people insist on tattooing the name of their sig other on their bodies?!?! There's a 99% chance the relationship will end if you do that, yet.... Now that the mistake has been made, and now that she's broken off her engagement to Pete Davidson, Ariana has covered her ring finger tat with a Band-Aid. And, she removed her $100,000 engagement ring.

The two called it quits four months after getting engaged.

"They realized it happened too quick and too early. The wedding is off, but they're working things out. They're not officially done yet."

Whew! I was losing sleep over it... NOT.

What have we learned here, Ariana? Stop with getting the tats of your muffin muncher.

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#2 KENYA MOORE, former Real Housewives of Atlanta castmember

The stones on this one. And the lack of proper etiquette. She recently posted on Instagram about her upcoming baby shower, and how she expects gifts from all her friends-- even if they don't attend the festivities. And on top of that, people have been less-than-prompt in RSVP-ing-- which has caused this Mistress of Shade-Throwing to blow her stack:

"RSVP literally means RESPOND PLEASE in French so if you get an invitation respond with a yes or no if you will be attending."

Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones; or maybe because she's just a bitch. I'm thinking the latter. She continued:

"#Etiquette101 if you cannot attend a monumental life changing event in a friend's life, it's nice to send a gift anyway. (Weddings, graduations, baby showers) Or it's about class? It's NOT about a dollar amount it's to show you care the same way the person cared to invite you to share a moment in their life."

I thought an invitation to a life-changing event was to celebrate in that moment and show support, not show up with a gift. Technically, the gift is a nice additional gesture. Which is why it used to be proper form to not share on an invite where the person is registered.

Perhaps her friends can bring her truckloads of class? That would be smashing.

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#1 KEIRA KNIGHTLEY

Last week, she blasted Duchess Kate. This week, she hates Disney princesses. Maybe she thinks she's better than us because she's British. Let me tell ya, you're not. While on the Ellen show, she shared that she doesn't allow her 3-year-old daughter to watch "Cinderella" and "The Little Mermaid" because of their horrific messages.

"(The woman) waits around for a rich guy to rescue her. Don't. Rescue yourself, obviously."

She's conflicted over "The Little Mermaid" because she loves it, but hates the message:

"The songs are great, but do not give your voice up for a man! Hello?"

I'm sorry, but is parenting no longer en vogue? You know, actually talking to, instructing, sharing with your child things about life. I loved "Snow White" as a child, but I really didn't think a prince would come and save me-- ever. Why? Because my parents raised me to be an independent person. What a concept! And, I knew the difference between reality and a cartoon. Not difficult, really.

So, continue to shelter your child instead of guide. Either she's gonna end up sucking your teet for life or she will, indeed, just marry for money.

Kudos to you, Miss Keira for topping the list two weeks in a row. I'll send ya a steamy bag of richards as a reward.

Queen Bee...yotch

10/12/2018

Offenders for the week ending October 12, 2018:

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#3 MIKE "THE SITUATION" SORRENTINO

I've never understood how celebrities, or pseudo-celebrities in this case, forget to pay taxes. Even if you have an accountant, it's still your responsibility to know your business. Mr. Sitch is going to prison for eight months for tax evasion. Fellow Jersey Shore castmate "Snooki" said:

"He's such a good person. He changed for the better. He's a totally different person. He doesn't deserve this right now, but obviously you gotta get that done."

Yes. Get it done. Pay your damned taxes! Sorrentino and his bro were indicted four years ago. Brother Marc is going away for two years.

For future reference: Get your shizzuation together, fool.

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#2 LACROIX

It's rare when a brand or non-person makes the list, but this is fitting. We hate liars. And you done lied to all of us! The brand is facing a class action lawsuit for false claims of being "100% natural.' Allegedly, the better-for-you beverage contains several artificial ingredients, and some are really bad. Limonene is known to cause kidney toxicity and tumors, and linalool propionate is a substance found in many flowers and spice plants and is used in cockroach insecticides. Eeeek! Well, La Crotch says this is all a cup of b.s.

"The lawsuit provides no support for its false statements about LaCroix's ingredients. Natural flavors in LaCroix are derived from the natural essence oils from the named fruit used in each of the flavors... there are no sugars or artificial ingredients contained in, nor added to, those extracted flavors."

That may be true, but methinks you're gonna lose the lawsuit. I didn't know linalool propionate is a flavor...

Never been a fan anyways. LaCroix is La Crap.

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#1 KEIRA KNIGHTLEY

Who in the actual f$ck are you, Keira? I know you're an actress, and apparently the voice of all females. Personally, I'm tired of all this male vs. female bullsh&t. I'm for people. People behaving properly. People excelling. People being good to one another. Not everything in this world is a man trying to oppress a woman. Stop with the discrimination against men. Because that's what all this "narrative" is becoming.

Ms. Keira called out Duchess Kate's public appearances, which happened just hours after giving birth to her three children. Keira ranted in an op-ed piece:

"We stand and watch the TV screen. (Kate) was out of hospital seven hours later with her face made up and high heels on. The face the world wants to see... Hide. Hide our pain, our bodies splitting, our breasts leaking, our hormones raging. Look beautiful. Look stylish, don't show your battleground, Kate. Seven hours after your fight with life and death, seven hours after your body breaks open, and bloody, screaming life comes out. Don't show. Don't tell. Stand there with your girl and be shot by a pack of male photographers."

Sure. There'd be no way in hell I'd make a public appearance hours after pushing a kid out. But I'm not a duchess. I don't know, nor fully comprehend the royal life or royal responsibilities. And last I checked, the monarch in charge is a WOMAN. So maybe your beef is that women shouldn't push women into perpetuating an ideal idea?

And... with this whole women-supporting-women thing... why do women continue to shred other women?

Yes, I'm a woman, calling you out. But again, I'm a person-ist. Not a feminist. I'm for people. Stupidity is not gender-blind.

Take some time to zip your lip and use that brain of yours. Silently.

Three Hoe-migos

10/5/2018

Offenders for the week ending October 5, 2018:

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#3 DANIELLE STAUB

The Real Housewives of New Jersey cast member is no longer a housewife, and she blames the booze for her unfortunate nuptials. But not her boozing. His.

"It's funny how I saw certain things happening, but you just believe, especially with the perception around us, getting engaged would make it better... getting married would make it better."

Who actually believes that? I mean, seriously. Let's get legally tied to one another, because that'll make me get my shizzola together. NOT! Staub got a temporary restraining order against her hubs when she found him standing in the garage, allegedly drunk, agitated and ready to rumble. He claims she threatened to stab him in the neck multiple times over the past year.

Methinks alcohol was involved in the dating, the wedding proposal, and the stumble down the aisle... so what's the surprise here. Plus, Dani is not known to be the most mentally stable.

Please. Stop marrying. It is you.

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#2 CARDI B

I guess the "B" could stand for "brawler." It's bad enough she made the list a few weeks ago for throwing a shoe at Nicki Minaj at New York Fashion Week. Now, she's been charged with assault and reckless endangerment for the attack at a strip club in Queens. Two 20-something women were attacked

"with chairs, bottles and other items."

Damn! Apparently, Cardi thought one of the two women had "relations" with her husband. So, she ordered the attack. Ah, she thinks she's the brokedown mob. Or, she's auditioning for a Lifetime TV movie.

Again, you're a mother. Stop acting like an idiot! Just proves that money can't buy class. Perhaps you should've ordered a lock for your man's pants.

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#1 LINDSAY LOHAN

This crazy train is off the rails again! Her family's worried about LiLo after she posted a bizarre video in which she accuses some random woman of human trafficking, then tried to snag her kids! WTH?!?! On the video (which has since been removed) she follows the family, then says:

"I just want to show you a family that I met that's a Syrian refugee family that I'm really worried about."

And then she got punched in the face. Ouchie.

Though she was sober sometime before (I don't know what year that was), she's apparently not now!

"The strict drinking rules in Dubai where she has been living have provided a nice cover for her as well as the fact that paparazzi aren't allowed there, so there is less of a chance of her getting caught."

And she owns a night club in Mykonos, because alcoholics should own night clubs. Where they serve alcohol. And other illegal substances might be floating about.

Girl, you are 32 going on one-foot-in-the-grave. Wake up and stop being a f*ck up!

F&ck Face

Just Shut Up

Queen Bee...yotch

Three Hoe-migos

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