Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior - Haus of V

COVIDIOT

3/27/2020

Offenders for the week ending March 27, 2020:

#3 50 CENT

There's a global pandemic happening. Sounds like the perfect time to reignite a beef with someone! Since the rapper isn't touring or working, his stay-at-home mandate is pretty much the norm, but I digress. He must've been bored when he spotted a story about his archenemies Randall Emmett and Lala Kent postponing their April 18th wedding because of uncertainty surrounding COVID-19-- and decided to go social with his thoughts:

"... wasn't nobody going to this s--t anyway."

A few months ago, 50 alleged Emmett (a movie producer) owed him $1 million. So he took to the socials and called his fiance (she's a Bravo TV star) a "hoe" for admitting she was gifted a Range Rover from Randall after their first sexual encounter (a B-to-the-J). Randall has since re-paid 50, so....

Find a hobby, 50. Knit something.

P.S. Good for Lala and her skills. Seriously, tho.

#2 MADONNA

As a little girl who wanted to be known as the Asian Madonna, I say to you, Madonna-- Shut. The. F%ck. Up. The Material Mamaw recently posted what's being called a video "sermon" while naked in a milky bathtub of floating rose petals, sharing her thoughts on COVID-19:

"That's the thing about COVID-19. It doesn't care about how rich you are, how famous you are, how funny you are. How smart you are. Where you live. What amazing stories you can tell. It's the great equalizer and what's terrible about it is what's great about it."

Yaaay, COVID-19? Please, stop sharing. We've seen it all from you, heard it all from you. Yawn. While you're at it, back off the chemical peel or whatever you did to your face. Extra shiny and smooth isn't normal.

Oh, and Botox isn't a "great equalizer". You'll never be 24 again.

#1 EVANGELINE LILLY

Selfishness at its highest. Stupidity at its highest. These phrases are all Evangeline. I'm always down for a good conspiracy theory. And even though I'm a part of the media, I "see" what goes on with it. Is COVID-19 as scary as it's portrayed? Is it just a bad case of the flu? I'm no expert. And neither is an over-paid asshat actress. She's been raving how life is still normal for her. and she ain't changing a thing (until the lockdown order). She and her children, and her immuno-compromised father-- all of whom she lives with-- give zero effs. Sure.

"I am living with my father at the moment, who has stage four leukemia. I am also immune compromised at the moment. I have two young kids. Some people value their lives over freedom, some people value freedom over their lives. We all make our choices."

Unfortunately, b*tch, you're making choices for your children and for your father when you take your skank ass outside and mingle and roam when you shouldn't. Why? #Fact-- you can be asymptomatic, but then pass on the sickness to someone else who then gets sick. Like, your two kids or your dad.

I love my freedom. And I choose to not be a twatwaffle and do my part to chill and try to "flatten the curve".

Perhaps Darwin will do us all a favor and find you. ASAP.

Quaranweenie

3/20/2020

Offenders for the week ending March 20, 2020:

#3 TAMRA JUDGE, former Real Housewives of Orange County cast member

Grown people aren't necessarily grown-- as in mature. And Tamara has always been one to prove it. She took to social media (of course) to blast follow cast member and now former friend Shannon Beador for re-kindling a friendship with Kelly Dodd-- current cast member and perpetual nasty shade thrower.

"Fake friends are like a shadow. They follow you in the sun but leave you in the dark."

That was followed up with an unfollow of Shannon.

You're a grandmother. Not a high schooler. Mending fences is something we should try to do, right?

Perhaps you're angry that you were fired from the show, er, "decided to leave" the show. But Kelly and Shannon are still taking home that big paycheck... Hmmmm...

#2 JUAN PABLO GALAVIS, former The Bachelor contestant

Proving you can't keep a dick down, Juan Pablo has opened his mouth to fit both of his feet into. He was known as the villain of the entire franchise (until Barb Weber took his crown), and he's proving why he earned that title and why he's a complete cooch donkey. He can't stop throwing shade at the new Bachelorette Clare Crawley-- the runner up on his season of The Bachelor.

Why? Because 22 of her potential suitors are in their 20s, and she's making headlines for being 38 and looking for love. He tweeted:

"I just SAW the GUYS for @Clare_Crawley Bachelorette season and its gonna be INTERESTING seeing HER get hit on by KIDS on their 20s. I think this MIGHT be the 3rd season Im gonna watch."

Clare responded: "And yet here you are, older than 99% of them and still can't practice compassion and kindness."

Ouch.

You're just upset that she told you what's-what on your season. Burn...

P.S. ABC is recruiting more age-appropriate fellas for Clare. Happy?

#1 GWYNETH PALTROW

If you're gonna get COVID-19, you might as well look fresh and fab! Gwynie takin' heat for being "tone deaf" in the midst of this pandemic because GOOP just had to push their annual "fresh sneaker guide," while other lifestyle gurus (self-proclaimed like G or actual real ones) are trying to bestow upon us valuable information/tips/ideas. From her Instagram:

"Most days you'll find GP wearing G.Label with a pair of sneakers-- which is one reason we make it an annual tradition to put together a fresh sneaker guide each year. Get ready to cover some serious ground (run, don't walk.)"

Sigh. Can I get a roll of toilet paper with each shoe at least?

Perhaps your snazzy sneaks can get you into Wuhan. Seems like a good place for a GOOP-er to vacay...

Maybe her brain has been quarantined... permanently.

Monster Mom

3/13/2020

Offenders for the week ending March 13, 2020:

One person takes the whole damned list this week. Why? Because she's that much of a hot mess. She's not famous, but infamous. And she's been memed, so she officially is a celebrity.

#3, #2, #1 BARB WEBER, mom of The Bachelor Peter Weber

AKA Mom from Hell. Potential MIL from Hell. Hell on Wheels.

We all thought "Karen" was bad. Momma Weber is worse. She'd make "Karen" ugly cry. For days. Now, Bachelor Nation fully understands why Peter is an emotional mess and is attracted to the drams-- because his mom is bat-sh*t cray cray. The tears this woman has shed on the show. The emotional plea to "bring her home to us!!!" The crying when Peter got engaged to a woman he then dumped a month later... and those are the mild moments.

Barb became the biggest villain of The Bachelor franchise when she spewed her venom at the live finale. From the eye rolls, to body-shaming Madison by calling her a "twig", to flat out saying that Peter (her son, remember?) needed to "fail to succeed."

"All his friends, all his family, everyone that knows him knows that it's not going to work."

With Madison. See, Peter was torn between Madison and Hannah Ann. Madison made it clear to Peter that she was uncomfortable with his being intimate with the other final two contestants because she is a Christian who is saving herself for marriage. After a tough decision, Madison left the show-- which left Hannah Ann standing-- and getting proposed to by Peter. His mom luuuuuuves Hannah Ann. Because she banged him. And she's sweet. But Madison is a horrible person because she is standing strong on her morals-- which apparently is a bad quality. What mom encourages her son to be a man-ho, or shames a person for having standards? Barb does. Take a seat, "Karen." Peter and Hannah Ann broke up, and Madison is back in the picture. Because he loved her, too. Hard to keep straight, right?

The Bachelor live finale divided the Weber family with Peter saying his family needs to zip it and accept that he loves Madi. And I'm sure that Barb and her whipped husband, Peter Sr. had a fight after the show because-- in Spanish (they are from Cuba)-- she asked her husband to say something bad about Madison.

Wow! You were mic-ed up. Duh! Plus, a lot of us speak Spanish these days. Busted!

On top of all of this, instead of supporting her son-- Satan's Sister has invited past contestant Kelley out to lunch and "shopping" with her. Because she's better for Peter than Madison.

Madison-- run. Peter is not good enough for you, plus you can see your miserable future as their DIL.

Peter-- you're 28 with a full time job. Move out of your parent's house and get off your momma's teet.

Barb-- STFU

Evicted From the Universe

2/21/2020

Offenders for the week ending 02/21/20:

It's a rare occurrence when the slap list can be devoted to one individual...

#3, #2, #1 WENDY WILLIAMS

I don't know how she rose to prominence, but it's time for a cancellation. Please! First of all, she offended the LGBTQ community by ranting about how "gays" are trying to steal Galentine's Day away from the ladies. In case you were unaware, Galentine's Day is an official holiday on 2/13 for ladies to celebrate not being coupled. When Windbag goes out to celebrate, she doesn't want to see anyone with a ween partaking!

"You're not even a part of this. You don't understand the rules of the day. It's women going out and getting saucy and then going home.. And stop wearing our skits and our heels. Gay men, you'll never be the women that we are. No matter how gay."

Uhmmmm.... forget how to "human", have we? But it's all good (Not really). Wendy has "apologized' via her IG:

"I'm 55 years old and maybe I sounded like your auntie, your mother, your big sister or somebody out of touch. I'm not out of touch except for perhaps by saying what I said. I deeply apologize and I deeply appreciate the support I get from the community. I will do better."

Nice try. Because on that apology video, she sounded quite insincere. More like "sorry not sorry".

Secondly-- a few days later, Wendy flubbed again on her show. This time about the death of Drew Carey's ex-fiancee-- Hollywood therapist Amie Harwick. She explained that Harwick fell from a three-story balcony to her death. Authorities believed she was pushed. Ex-boyfriend Gareth Pursehouse has been charged. But Wendy had to clarify that Harwick was not "killed not by Drew" (no one thought that to be the case...) And then she rambled on some more and wrapped her drivel by saying:

"Come on down!"

The audience fell silent. Hello, awkward, as Wendy looked up and down with her eyes while being oh-so-funny using The Price Is Right catchphrase. Drew wasn't involved, yet you throw that out there? And this poor woman was flung to her death by a psycho ex!

Can we throw this stupid POS off the planet?

Slap-entine's Day

2/14/2020

Offenders for the week ending February 14, 2020:

#3 GAYLE KING

Gayle "went" there and CBS "went" there for ratings... Gayle had a TV sit-down with WNBA star Lisa Leslie-- a good friend of the late Kobe Bryant. They chatted about stuff... and then the rape allegation Kobe faced years ago (which was dismissed) came up via direct question. Gayle asked how Lisa felt about it. She awkwardly replied that such a crime would be out of character for Kobe and that he never acted inappropriately around her. Gayle countered with the notion that Lisa wouldn't know, because they were friends. Lisa said Gayle had a number of years to ask Kobe herself, so...

Boom!

Yes, CBS admitted to exploiting one section of that interview. But, Gayle, you went there in the first place. I guess that's your job (?) Time and place for everything, right?

#2 PRESLEY GERBER

Tattoos can be works of art. No longer is there a stigma associated with tats. Mostly. Cuz face tattoos are just... extra. Former supermodel (and still supermodel-esque) Cindy Crawford's 19-year-old son-- who is equally gorg-- had the word "MISUNDERSTOOD" inked on his right face cheek. Well, this has left all of social media wondering "What misunderstanding?"

"Are you really that misunderstood? Having all the money at your disposal is never a good thing in life. You must be so bored."

Presely wasn't havin' any hate:

"If I thought this was going to ruin my face or I didn't want this, I wouldn't have done it. I think that's a pretty obvious thing."

Uhmmm.... it's obvious you're 19 and 19-year-olds are not always the clearest of thinkers. But hey. We support your looking like a complete dickwad when you're 70 with your saggy face tat.

Comprende?

#1 PAMELA ANDERSON

Throughout history, straight men have fallen victim to the wiles of women. If you thought Pammy's marriage to fourth victim, er, hubby Jon Peters was a little quick (lasted 12 days) even by Hollywood standards, well.... There's a good reason. Jon served his purpose.

For decades, Jon has been in L.O.V.E. with Pam. She dismissed him because of their large age difference. But one day, she proposed to the Hollywood producer. Via text. He said "Yes"-- even though he was engaged at the time to another woman who was getting set to move in with him. He said:

"It was kind of a dream come true, even though I was engaged to someone else..."

They tied the knot, and then the 74-year-old paid off her $200,000 in debt. And then, it was over.

Sad, yet well played. But that's not all. Now, Pam is tryin' to spin it...

"We are all getting our share in this crazy world. As long as we are wrestling we are alive. As long as we recognize insanity we are sane. It's better to be betrayed than not to trust, better to be disappointed than not to love. Don't ever run from pain, just face it allow it to be and it will pass. And we will have grown to the next level."

What? Girl, bye.

Days of Whose Lives

2/7/2020

Offenders for the week ending February 7th, 2020:

#3 MIKE CAUSSIN

Sometimes I think *things* become excuses for people who can control themselves, but don't. "Sex addiction" became a big (or little, wink wink) thing after Tiger Woods was busted back-in-the-day for bagging all those THOTs. Then some other celebs checked themselves into sex-addiction rehab. Now, former NFL player Mike Caussin said he "broke a marriage boundary" with his wife, Jana Kramer (formerly of One Tree Hill.) But there was no physical cheating:

"There was a boundary that was broken that was harmful for me because it was a discovery..."

Ohhhhkaaaayyyy. The two wed in 2015, then split in 2016 after Caussin cheated on his wife with multiple women. They renewed their vows in 2017, but...

So I guess the only way to cure your addiction is to padlock your pants, and maybe gouge your eyes out.

#2 MEGHAN KING EDMONDS

She was always mildly annoying when she was a castmember of the Real Housewives of Orange County. But now she's extra after dumping all her baggage on us. It wasn't surprising when her marriage to baseball semi-legend Jim Edmonds didn't work out, but all the tea she's been spilling about her sexy time, and his dalliances with other women, well... wow! She's getting closer to dipping her manicured toe into the dating pool again, and if so-- she has standards:

"I'm not really into dating a guy with kids. I love kids and I loved being a stepmom, but it's a lot of baggage... kids are a lifelong commitment and you didn't have any input into creating this child and it's hard."

Waaaaaaa! She does admit that a man with kids would understand what she's going through because he has kids. Duh! Meghan has three kids herself. I know women who have kids who don't want to date others with kids. I get it. But girlfriend, you're the queen of baggage. Just change your name to Samsonite and embrace that shizz.

#1 COSMO MAGAZINE

Peter Weber is the latest Bachelor. He and contestant Victoria Fuller were set to do the cover of the magazine when it was pulled. Why? Because Victoria did a photo shoot wearing gear saying: "White Lives Matter."

Well, we know what that's all about! Victoria is a racist. Or is she? "White Lives Matter" is for the Marlin Lives Matter organization focusing on the prevention of white and blue marlin from being over-fished. They also use the "Blue Lives Matter" messaging. But I guess Blue Man Group isn't pissed, so... Cosmo said:

'... the nature of the organization does not reflect the values of the Cosmo brand. We stand in solidarity with Black Lives Matter, and any cause that fights to end injustices for people of color."

Awesome. But Victoria wasn't being a racist. And you know that. And this is why hyper-sensitivity needs to stop. You had the perfect opportunity to say something like:

"We understand and support the Black Lives Matter movement. But upon further investigation, we realized that there was a misunderstanding. We'll just continue to sell sex, er... empower women and stuff.. " Blah, blah, blah. But noooo. Cave. Instead of inform.

But what about the damned marlins?

Daddy Dearest

1/31/2020

Offenders for the week ending January 31st, 2020:

#3 JOY BEHAR

While there are times I question why Joy Behar exists, I'm glad she does because she's great fodder for the The Slap. She makes the list this week for her seemingly racially-toned comment about Whoopi Goldberg's hair.

Patrick Stewart was a guest on The View, and he invited Whoopi to be a part of the new Star Trek series. To which Joy quipped:

"I just said to him, 'Does she have to take the hair thing off?'"

While tugging on one of Whoopi's dreads. Can someone offer Joy a role off this planet? Please?

#2 KATHARINE MCPHEE

I understand self-deprecation. I'm good at it. But Kat took self-deprecation to a new level. She must've decided she needed some social media attention, so she tweeted that she actually won more Grammys than Billie Eilish did Sunday night-- by default.

"Everyone who keeps saying Billie Eilish walked away with the most Grammys must not remember I won 16 by marriage this past summer."

HA HA HA! What? McPeePee married 16-time Grampa, er, Grammy winner David Foster last June. So, by marriage she's a winner. Girl, that makes you sound like some let-me-wear-my-pearls-while-I-make-your-dinner 50's housewife b.s. Yes, you share everything when married. But... go get your own damned Grammy!

#1 THOMAS MARKLE

Never will this man win Dad of The Year. Because he refuses to STFU about his daughter, Meghan. She has asked him to stop going public in regards to her. But, noooo. This hiney cyst just keeps talking. And talking. He claims it's the only way he can get through to his beloved girl.

"There's no other way to reach her."

Dumbass says he's going to do a new interview every 30 days until he gets a response from Meghan.

Really? I'm sure there are better ways to get a response. Have you tried the phone call/text/letter/in-person chat? Maybe there's a compelling reason for her lack of communication with you. Like, saying publicly that you were disappointed in her behavior in regards to her royal ramp-down. And you've basically blamed her for Yoko-ing the royal family. So, there's that.

The next communication you may get is from a lawyer. One of my problems with you is-- what are your true intentions? Methinks you really don't want to talk to your daughter. You're just gonna talk to the media because they pay you to talk to them. And it's all about the money. Or, you want a relationship with her so you can get the dirt and sell it to the media.

Nice try, Daddy Dickhead.

Greybar Full House

1/24/2020

Offenders for the week ending January 24th, 2020:

After a holiday and illness hiatus, the slap hand is ready to get back to work!

#3 LORI LOUGHLIN

From "I'm sooo innocent" to, I need to protect my azz, Aunt Becky's getting ready for prison life. According to an insider:

"She's knuckling down, learning the lingo and practicing martial arts to give off the impression she's tough and to ward off potential bullies... Besides the physical training, she's getting lots of advice from prison professors on how to earn one's keep behind bars."

She best learn how to trade smokes and commissary privileges for a good night's sleep. Or get her scissor skills down. Oh, but she and the hubs are innocent of conspiracy to commit mail fraud, honest services fraud, money laundering, and federal programs bribery.

#2 SHAMIN ABAS

Who? Yeah. She's not really famous. But she's infamous now-- seeing that she's Matt Lauer's new GF. WTF? A person close to the situation offered this gem:

"She knows who he is. She's thrilled she's with him. She doesn't seem to have a care in the word."

Guess she's Camille Cosby in the making. You know-- all denial-turn-a-blind-eye to what their asshat men are up to. Supposedly, this wannabe Mrs. is a public relations chick and longtime friend of Matt and his ex-wife Annette Roque. Oh, she looks like Annette's twin by the way. Not creepy af. Oh, and there's this tidbit-- Charmin and Matt were linked romantically in 2005. Matt was married to Annette at the time. So, she's just as skeevy as Lower.

May your Venus Fly Snatch forever enjoy the beef jerky that is your lover...

#1 WENDY WILLIAMS

Why is this wenchbag wealthy and famous? And who watches her damned talk show? Her mere existence is offensive, but this time around she has offended those that have/had a cleft lip. Recently on her show, she was explaining how she was strangely attracted to Joaquin Phoenix calling him "oddly attractive". She loves his "piercing eyes", and then critiqued a scar on his upper lip. Then she said:

"He's got one of those-- what do you call it? Cleft lip, cleft palate."

She then hooked her finger under her lip, mimicking a cleft lip.

Needless to say, a lot of folk were fired up. When are people going to learn? But she said she's sorry and donated (allegedly) money to cleft lip causes. Because that will make it all better. We suggest she just disappear herself.

Finger Lickin' Good

12/6/2019

Offenders for the week ending December 6, 2019:

#3 JOE BIDEN

This has nothing to do with politics, but everything to do with bizzare-ness. While on a campaign stop, wife Jill was at the podium doing her talky-thing. Like many of us, she speaks with her hands. And apparently, her hands are delicious, because when she stretched out her hands, Joe leaned forward and nibbled on the tip of one of his wife's fingers.

She laughed it off. Does that mean it's happened before? He's into fingers? Perhaps she smelled of fried chicken? Had Cheetos residue on her fingers, so he was helping her out?

Or perhaps this was something you and your "butt buddy Neil" did back in your frat days. No judgement here...

#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Why the hate for your stepmom Caitlyn Jenner? According to Caitlyn's memoir, the two haven't spoken much in the past six years. Was it because of Caitlyn's transitioning?

"I started (by telling) Brandon (Jenner) my son (when I was transitioning), and he said to me: 'Dad, I've always been so proud to be your son but I've never been more proud of you than right now."... I went through every kid and Khloe, for some reason, was pissed off about something through this whole process... We were really close, I raised her since she was five years old. I really don't know what her issues are."

It's sad, because most parents love their children no matter what. No matter if there are disappointments, or if they don't see eye-to-eye on something. Perhaps, Khloe, as a parent-- you can see things from the other's perspective. Surely over the course of your life thus far you've done something a parent would raise an eyebrow to (your marriages), but your parents still communicated with you.

Can't we all just get along? Life's too short.

#1 OLIVIA JADE

The daughter of disgraced actress Lori Loughlin and designer Mossimo Gianulli is baaaaack. Whew! All is right in the world! (note the sarcasm.) The non-college attendee/internet "star" is missing her adoring public.

"Obviously, I've been gone for a really long time and as much as I wish I could talk about all of this, it's really hard for me to say this, just because I know that it's something that needs to be addressed."

Deep.

By the way, her YouTube channel is all about clothing hauls and vlogs. Sure, she misses her "public." More like she's missing out on her endorsement cash and wants back in the influencer game. Poor, rich little brat. I'd be embarrassed to know that my parents think I'm so stupid they have to (allegedly) bribe and lie (allegedly) to get me into college...

Not What You Think

11/29/2019

Offenders for the week ending November 29, 2019:

#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Real Housewives of New Jersey reality TV star

You'd think that after going to jail for nearly 15 months for some shady money dealings, girlfriend would've learned to walk a straight line. She's been hit with a $13,000 tax lien. That's in addition to the $73,000 she owes the IRS. Surely fighting your hubby's deportation has been costly, but you still need to take care of business. The government takes its time in getting you that refund, but immediately wants the money you owe. Isn't Bravo paying you enough? And all that shilling you do on the social media?

Pay. Yo. Bills.

#2 JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

WTF J.T.? Two-timing your wife, who says she's too sexy to get any acting jobs? Justin was spotted holding hands and getting schnuggie with Alisha Wainwright at a bar in New Orleans. The two are co-starring in the film Palmer. Sources say JT was a little crunk and was holding hands with Alisha for support. That's all. Mmmkay...

"Several cast members were there and it was just a cast gathering. Nothing remotely romantic is going on with Justin and Alisha. The whole cast is shooting out there and like to hang out together. They were very much in public and nothing inappropriate was happening."

Yeah. Not at the bar. Doth protest-eth too much...

So the leg-stroking on her part was an ancient hangover cure? Oh, and he must've left his wedding ring somewhere...

Guess he's vringin' SexyBack (to the back door?)

#1 BILL COSBY

For the record, he's not sorry for sexually assaulting Andrea Constand because he never did it-- therefore, no remorse. In his first jailhouse interview he said:

"That whole jury thing. They were impostors."

Okay. He believes jurors had already made up their minds before hearing testimony. Oh, and he believes he's going to serve all 10 years behind bars (he's 82) because the parole board is:

"... not going to hear me say that I have remorse."

So what you're saying is you're not the one who drugged a slew of women and assaulted them? Or are you saying someone else framed you by using your "pudding pop" to assault them. What a frame job. Pfffft. It's amazing how a P.O.S. can believe their own lies. And that includes your stupid, enabling, equally rape-y wife.