Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior - Haus of V

Twin Pricks

11/4/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 4th, 2022:

Here's a duo of "DUH!" this week...

RUNNER-UP: PETE DAVIDSON

I don't think Petey can blame Kanye for this latest incident of bad behavior. His ass was put in time out after suffering a meltdown on the set of his tv show "Bumpus." What *allegedly* happened? Dude flew into a rage in his trailer, damaging a TV, throwing coffee everywhere.

No word on what caused his break, but he's due back to the set shortly.

Dude needs to call his therapist for anger management tips. There's nothing wrong with doing that! I'm sure his co-workers are so glad to be working with him.

That Big Dick Energy he has now means something totally different...

#notdelightful

WINNER: NICK CANNON

Baby #12 is on the way. Twelve. It's good news for Alyssa Scott, whose 5-month-old son with Nick died of brain cancer nearly two years ago. With that aside, let's talk about his need to be so Biblical with "be fruitful and multiply." Some people defend Nick's super-sperming ways. Yes, it's his right and choice to populate the Earth. My thing? How are you able to afford these kids? But most importantly-- how much of a relationship can you have with 12 children? How much time can you spend with them? Get to know them? Get to be a part of their lives, their activities? It's not as if these children are all from one mother, which would keep them all in the same household. Nick has 6 different baby mommas.

Here's a rundown:

Twins Moroccan and Monroe (11) (with Mariah Carey)
Sons Golden Sagon (5) and Rise Messiah Cannon (born last month) and daughter Powerful Queen (1) (with Brittany Bell)
Twins Zion Mixolydian and Zillion Heir (1) (with Abby De La Rosa...who is also expecting another one any time now)
Son Legendary Love (four months) (with Bre Tiesi)
Daughter Onyx Ice (one month) (with LaNisha Cole)
Son Zen (with Alyssa Scott) (who passed last December) and now...the new one!

And how do these half-siblings get to know each other?

For the love of all things holy: put your D on lockdown!

Money Time

9/30/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending September 30th, 2022:

Two offenders this week. Two's enough in this case.

#2 JIM EDMONDS

The former St. Louis Cardinals outfielder and current broadcaster (?) has had quite the life. In 2020 he divorced his third wife, reality TV "star" Meghan King. Why? Because she felt betrayed that he developed feelings for their threesome partner.

Yes. Threesome partner, Kortnie O'Connor. Oh, he just married Kortnie.

This would make marriage #4. (Touch my) Jimmy thinks this one's "the one":

“... for the first time in my life, I finally understand true happiness.”

Did you mean "humpy-ness"?

#1 R. KELLY

Pay up, sucka! A judge in Brooklyn has ordered this pustule to pay two of his victims over $300,000 in restitution. The money will be used towards psychological services and treatment of herpes. He already owes at least $450,000 in restitution from his previous trial where he was sentenced to 30 years in prison.

It feels like he should owe way more money. And there ain't enough time he can spend in jail to make right all the wrongs. Yes, he'll be in jail for the rest of his natural life, and Hell's fire awaits him, but...

You're getting slapped because you can't get slapped enough!

Liar, Liar, Pants... Off

9/16/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending September 16th, 2022:

#3 MEGHAN KING AND JIM EDMONDS

I don't know how these two ever fell in love and got married considering how toxic they are. Like, toxic waste dumps are amateur compared to these two. Meghs has gotten a temporary restraining order against her ex-hubby, Jim, after claiming he's been verbally abusing her over their child custody agreement. She claims he's been a complete dbag in texts messages, and through an app they use to co-parent.

I remember when she was a Real Housewife of Orange County. They spent a lot of time apart, and all she wanted was kids-- which he had with other ex wives and did not want any more. Well, she convinced him, and methinks he's still pissed. Of course, Meghs is no angel. She's recently divorced or annulled from her blink-of-an-eye marriage to President Biden's nephew. I think his name was Cuffe, or Curfew.

Perhaps either Meghan or Jim should exit the planet.

#2 ANGELINA JOLIE

What a scheming bish! It's been revealed that she's the one that leaked the news that she was hooking up with Brad Pitt-- while he was still married to Jennifer Aniston. All the tea is being spilled in Rolling Stone co-founder Jann Wenner's upcoming memoir. He says:

"... the tipster was Angelina."

Brangelina were shaggin' at a resort in Africa when photogs knew exactly where to find them. She gave specific details to their daily walks and shared places photographers could "secretly" snap a pic of them.

So things have turned out well? Nope.

#1 KRIS JENNER

The infamous momager took a lie detector test on the Late Late Show with James Corden to once-and-for-all stop the nasty rumor that she brokered the deal for the Kim K/Ray J sex tape that made the Kardshians a worldwide scourge. She passed the test. And Ray J is livid. Because he's trying to get away from all that now that he's a father-- which he takes very seriously.

Bethenny Frankel took to social media, on Ray J's side:

"This poor guy finally cracked because he’s gotta explain to his kids why he looks like he exploited someone else and why he’s left holding the bag.”

Bethenny claims that friends of Kris told her that Jenner hired hair and makeup pros to make sure Kim looked her best.

Gross. But I totally believe it. Sex sells. It always will. Even if it means selling your daughter.

Family Matters

9/9/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending September 9th, 2022:

#3 SPENCER PRATT & BETHENNEY FRANKEL

I guess it's a part of human nature to want the dirt on a celeb. They have a public image and some people put them up on pedestals and have a notion or fantasy of how these people are the most wonderful ever. Spencer Pratt-- merely famous for being a reality TV star ions ago, decided to chime in on the trend of worst celeb encounter. He said: Lisa Kudrow. The lovable Phoebe from Friends. No!

“Oh, that’s easy — Phoebe from ‘Friends. Hands down, one of the worst humans I’ve ever come in contact with. By far."

And Bethenney, known for her own caustic tongue, concurred:

“That’s crazy. She was on my talk show and I had a crazy experience also.”

Ms. Frankel is not known to be warm and fuzzy, while Pratt is a known brat. So perhaps their hot take is ice cold? Regardless, why comment at all? Unless you just need attention.

#2 BRITNEY SPEARS AND HER TWO TEENAGE SONS

While I'm glad Britney has been liberated from her conservatorship, I think it's clearly obvious that she does have issues. And while I don't agree with how horrible her situation was, she does need checked. Her naked pics on Insta and her strange ramblings on social media still show there's something not settled in her life. Putting your kids on blast publicly to get back at comments they made is not the route to go. She claims her sons are avoiding her, amongst other things:

"Jayden, as you undermine my behavior just like my whole family always has with, 'Hope she gets better. I will pray for her' — pray for what?. Do you guys want me to get better so I can continue paying your dad 40 grand a month, or is the reasoning behind you guys deciding to be hateful is because it's actually over in two years and you don't get anything?"

When it came to visitation, this:

"Preston would sleep and you would play the piano the whole time. And if I didn't shower you guys with gifts, and have amazing food ready and play a motherfucking saint, it was still never good enough, just like my other family. You secretly loved looking at me as if something was wrong with me. I didn’t need a family hiding shit in houses and whispering shit behind my back feeling subconsciously guilty because I paid for every fucking thing in both homes. I needed unconditional love and support. It saddens me not one of you have valued me as a person. You’ve witnessed how my family has been to me and that’s all you know. Like I said, I feel you all secretly like to say something’s wrong with me.”

Her sons didn't attend her recent nuptials because there was no other family there, and they felt awkward. But releasing this voice memo to shame your children doesn't make it better, nor teach them a lesson if this is indeed, true. This is not a way to repair or grow your relationship with your kids.

You're the adult. Do better. And kids, zip your lips. No interviews. You're only stoking the flames.

#1 LEONARDO DICAPRIO

It's time to stop dating your children. Not that he has any children, but the ages of his lady loves are hovering around mid-20s. Which makes him papa material-- or poppin' Viagra material. He's back on the prowl after splitting from model Camila Morrone, 25-years of age. The best thing to do when mending a broken heart? Go and a find some replacement snickerdoodle!

He now has his sights set on an older woman, supermodel Gigi Hadid. At the age of 27, she might be too old for Leo. Gigi isn't feeling the vibe. A source says:

"They’re friends, but she doesn’t want to be romantic with [him] right now.”

Girl, you don't need to be all up on that Titanic. It will sink. At the wrong time. You have a buffet of wiener that would like to spend time with you. Stay away from the Blue Bird Special. And Leo, dare to date a grown woman. Or is that too much of a challenge?

Scary Busey

8/25/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending August 26th, 2022:

#3 & #2 KATE GOSSELIN & JON GOSSELIN

These two formerly-married stars that shot to fame via their Jon & Kate Plus 8 reality TV featuring life with a set of twins and sextuplets refuse to go away. How these two ever fell in love and got married, I'll never know, because these two are toxic af. So what are they fighting about now? Jon says Kate stole $100-grand from their kids' trust fund for "living expenses." He made the discovery when he took custody of the kids back in 2018. Kate said she was borrowing it to survive. But how did she afford a $750,000 home that same year?

Jon says she hasn't paid the money back. Speaking of not paying money, Kate's lawyer has fired this:

“Kate’s integrity is impeccable. I can’t say the same for Jon Gosselin.”

Guess he owes over $130 grand in child support, not counting interest. And we know that's true, cuz dawg hasn't had a job since the reality show and since they divorced due to his infidelity. He's a scrub and she's a bish. Those poor kids.

#1 GARY BUSEY

This assclown. The 78-year-old is facing four charges, including two counts of criminal sexual contact in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. He was there for a Monster-Mania Convention, when police were called to the Doubletree Hotel regarding the charges. He allegedly grabbed the backsides of two women before sticking his face near a third woman's boobalas and asking "where she got them." He supposedly also tried to undo her bra. Busey commented about the incident:

“Nothing happened.. There were… a partner, and a camera lady, and me and two girls… it took less than 10 seconds, and then they left.”

Okay. So if it's less than :30 seconds it's cool? Crazy phucker. Two days later, Busey was caught sitting on a bench at Point Dume Park in Malibu with his pants around his knees.

Please. Put your fossil ween back in your pants and go away. Gross.

Will-Full (of it)

8/5/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 5th, 2022:

#3 JOJO SIWA

It's so cute when celebrities fight. Grab the popcorn because public pettiness is a great form of entertainment. JoJo, who I think is famous from some reality TV show, is feuding with Candace Cameron Bure. It all started when JoJo was asked on a podcast who was the rudest star, and she said Candace. Why, because Candace didn't take a picture with her at the Fuller House premiere. So, Candace responded with a Bible verse. Then her daughter said something, and then JoJo's mom got involved...and the ultimate who-gives-a-f*ck social media catfight began. Now, JoJo's momma is saying:

“Real, genuine kindness always goes a long way. It’s super easy to quote a Bible verse when everyone is looking at you but morals are what you have when no one is looking.”

True. But all people have bad moments. And maybe, just maybe-- your daughter is a bit asshat-y. The reason she's getting slapped? I would never answer the question "who's the rudest celebrity you've ever met?" Because true rude people are known. No need to keep spreading hate. The reason she's probs the rudes to JoJo? Their belief systems do not align.

#realtalk

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW

This bish. Not only does she peddle bullsh*t products and "health" practices, but apparently-- she's got it tough. Check that. Her children do. I know, pass the Kleenex. Not. She said it's really hard for celeb kids because they have to work harder because they're privileged.

"As the child of someone, you get access other people don't have, so the playing field is not level in that way. However, I really do feel that once your foot is in the door, which you unfairly got in, then you almost have to work twice as hard and be twice as good. Because people are ready to pull you down.”

Cue the violins.

The reason why it's tough for your kids is one is named Apple and the other is Moses.

One's a fruit, and the other's on a mountain waiting for you to STFU so he can come back down.

#1 WILL SMITH

Just when you thought "the slap" would go away. It won't. Because Will won't stop addressing it. Will took to social media to apologize to Chris Rock. Though he hasn't done it personally to Chris, because Chris isn't ready. So, Will said "sorry" to Chris' mom, his family, and Tony.

"There’s no part of me that thinks that’s the optimal way to handle a feeling of disrespect or insults... If you hang on, I promise we’ll be able to be friends again.”

Yes. Because we used to hang out at Swenson's and then go home and braid each other's hair. Stop it! Why go public? Need to push an upcoming movie? Zip your lip until you actually speak to your victim first. Which he is not interested in doing. In fact, Chris addressed it on stage this way:

“Everybody is trying to be a f—ing victim. If everybody claims to be a victim, then nobody will hear the real victims. Even me getting smacked by Suge Smith … I went to work the next day, I got kids. Anyone who says words hurt has never been punched in the face.”

For the record, Will said that Jada made him apologize publicly. Which is only fitting since her death stare is what got everyone in this situation in the first place.

Please take your midlife crisis off of social media. Jada needs you to rub her feet.

Non-Sense

7/29/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending July 29th, 2022:

#3 NICK CANNON

Super Sperm Shooter Nick welcomed his 8th baby this week. His. Eighth. Congrats! It is a happy occasion for Nick, considering he lost a child earlier this year. But... let's talk about your going all Biblical and being fruitful and multiplying. Nowhere in the Good Book does it say "Nick. Go bang a bunch of ladies cuz the planet Earth needs you."

At first, Nick had publicly stated that his large children count is because of his baby mommas (multiple) making the decision to have his children. He said it was on therm. Then, he changed his tune, saying that the situation is more like "consensual non-monogamy."

Pfft. More like: "I'm a manho with an ego."

Hey, dumbass. It's called 18-years of you paying up, sucka!

Sure, these women want to be moms. And they want to be paid. So, you best keep working your ass off to pay for 8 children (or more) for a long time.

#2 LORI LOUGHLIN

"Aunt Becky" says life has been so strange since she got out of prison for her part in the Varsity Blues Scandal. You know, where she bribed and lied her daughter Jade's way into college. It's so hard that people thought she was a complete bitchbag for doing what she did. But everyone has been so kind now that she's on her mea culpa tour. She recently made her first public appearance at the "Lead With Love 3" telethon for the charity that helps combat food insecurity. She said:

"(the group)... welcomed me with such open arms at a time when I was feeling particularly down and broken."

Yes, two whole months in a cushy prison was soooo hard. Thing is, you're still rich. You get to go back making your stupid Hallmark movies. And your stupider daughter not only never wanted to go to college, but makes bank being an influencer. This is why the world is one step away from being Hell. Which you can go to anytime.

#1 BEN DREYFUSS

This son of... Richard is everything you hate about the offspring of the rich and famous. He felt the need to open his mouth and tweet about that one time he paid a drug addict $50 so that he could be hunted through the woods like some brokedown Hunger Games. But it's cool, because he was using a paintball gun. Who in the af are you, dude? Seriously. You think it's great sport to torture and humiliate human beings who are in a bad place, who don't have your privelege, and who could use compassion and the opportunities your wealth can afford.

What's even worse? When people called him out for his tweet, he in turn called them "little babies." Then, he tried to play it cool, like nothing was offensive about the situation.

Pieces of sh*t come from all walks of life. This is why some animals eat their young.

Ben(d) over. I've got a place for you to stick that $50.

Bullseye

7/22/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending July 22nd, 2022:

#3 KYLIE JENNER

The privileged folk continue to trigger the poor folk 24/7. Kyle is being labeled a "climate criminal" for a social media post with Travis Scott involving his & hers private jets. So, she tried to make it all better by posting a picture of herself pushing her daughter and nieces in a shopping cart at Target. Well, that just made things worse. Some commented:

"Did u rent out Target for this”
“playing normal life simulator”
“trying to appeal to us peasants”
“out of touch"

Yes, she's out of touch. But I'm slapping Kylie not because of her wealth, but because she tried to downplay it. Girl, you have "eff you" money. Don't pretend like you're one of us going to Target. BUY the damn Target!.

And remember to bow down to Kim's golden jay jay every night, or you'd probably be working at Target.

#2 MEGHAN KING, former reality TV star and current, perpetual idiot

This bish gives dingbats a bad name. At least dingbats are mostly lovable. This one is just... extra dumb. You may not recall, but she married Prez Biden's nephew, Cuffe Biden Owens for, like, two seconds last year after they dated for four seconds. During a recent podcast interview, Mizz Dingbat said it wasn't her idea to get married in the first place, and that she was confused:

“I was very confused by the whole [relationship], but I’m just glad that it was short and sweet and it’s done and it’s annulled.”

She said marriage was important to Cuffe, and that she wants everyone to be happy, so... she said "I do."

The f&ck?

This was her second marriage. And now she's dating again. Please, don't tie the knot again. Unless that knot is connected to a cinder block that will sink to the bottom of the ocean.

#1 CHRIS BROWN

No, Chris didn't make the list because he smacked somebody around (for once.) He's made the list because not only is he a beater, he's a cheater, too-- as in rip-off artist. LeJuan Bailey is accusing the singer of taking a $1.1-million performance fee for a hurricane benefit concert that he never showed up to perform. He claims that Chris accepted the wire transfer, then peaced-out at the last minute. He said:

“I acted in good faith and sponsored this concert out of love and respect for residents in need. I am appalled that Chris Brown refuses to refund my money for a show he did not appear to after we announced our show and sold tickets. At this point, it is my humble belief that Chris Brown’s actions are parallel to pure theft. He has the unmitigated gall to take my money, stand up the residents of Houston, then return to the city to perform on August 17, 2022.”

Straight up!

Not surprising, honestly.

P.S. Shame on you, LeJuan, for even wanting to pay this guy money to perform at your event. He's a known POS. And you giving him a stage gives him more false hope that he's not a mega turdball. So, mini-slap for you.

Shahhead

7/15/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending July 15th, 2022:

#3 KIM KARDASHIAN

I get it. We women have done all kinds of things for the sake of fashion, or beauty. And frankly, it's all bullsh*t. Kimmie needed to lose 16 pounds in three weeks to wear the infamous Marilyn Monroe-sings-happy-birthday-Mr. President dress. And why was this necessary? Why would you want to wear the exact same dress Marilyn did? It should be in a museum, not amongst us getting destroyed (as it did). Wear a damn replica! Anywho, it seems she ditched her vegetarian diet and ate meat to lose the weight. But that caused her more harm than good. She said:

"Psoriasis broke out over my body and I got psoriatic arthritis. I couldn't really move my hands. I was freaking out!"

Which is why she ditched meat in the first friggin' place!

How effed up is Hollywood that someone would willingly subject themselves to for some fleeting press and a couple of good pics for the socials? Kimster got better after a steroid shot and ditching the meat.

Lame. So. Lame.

#2 DOJA CAT

First of all, with a name like "Doja Cat" you have to be a complete asshat. But who am I? Just some schulb over here thinking there aren't enough minutes in the day to slap all these fools. Anywho, The Cat is mad at Noah Schnapp, who plays Will on Stranger Things. Why would she be mad at a 17-year-old kid star? Well, because she reached out to him because she wants co-star Joseph Quinn (who played Eddie Muson) to "pet her kitty." And Noah shared screenshots of the DMs to all the world. Doja got her claws out:

“That's like borderline snake s***. That's like weasel s***. I'm not saying that encapsulates his entire personality. I made an assumption that he was gonna be chill about it and he went and shared information that I didn’t feel comfortable with him sharing."

Here's a thought: when you messaged him, you should've asked him to keep things private. That's what adults do. Which you supposedly are. All of social media defended Noah, but Doja came for everybody.

Why is this bish famous? Seriously.

Also, you're 26 years old. You can certainly catch "D" all on your own. Without the help, again, of a 17-year-old!

#1 JEN SHAH, Cast Member/Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

HA HA HA! We all knew she was a guilty, scamming twatbag and now she's admitted it. After a year of proclaiming her innocence, this reality TV "star" entered a guilty plea in federal court. What did she do? Scam the elderly out of their money, while flaunting her ill-gotten wealth on a reality TV show. Dumbass.

Yup. She said she committed "wire fraud, offering services with little to no value" and:

"We used interstate telephones and emails. I knew many of the purchasers were over the age of 55. I am so sorry."

The reason why she entered a plea was not because of the overwhelming guilty she felt being a complete douche, but because she offered to not appeal her sentence if she received 14 years or less. Because she faces 30 years in prison. Damn. She's also agreed to forfeit $6 million, and to pay restitution in the amount of $9 million.

It seems like she should owe more than that...

Guess you're not so "Shaw-mazing" after all. Bye!

Popped

6/24/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 24th, 2022:

#3 BRANDON BLACKSTOCK

Breaking up is hard to do. Especially when your soon-to-be ex is a succubus. I always had a vomit-a-little-in-my-mouth feeling when Kelly Clarkson married one of her managers. I felt like he was more interested in her assets than her ass. And guess what? Yup! After a few years of marriage, the two split during the lockdown. And then he wanted so much of her money in the divorce. A source says:

"He's a constant thorn in her side."

No sh&t! With a $115,000 per month in spousal support until 2024, yes, that's a whole damn rosebush of thorns! Some good news, Mr. Dickstock finally moved out of Kelly's ranch in Montana. It only took two years.

But she still has to pay child support to him for the one weekend per month that he gets the two kids. That's costing her $45,601 per month.

P.S. I wonder if she thinks of her douchebag ex when she sings "Since You've Been Gone"?

#2 PAUL HAGGIS

Being in any aspect of the entertainment business is like swimming in toxic waste. So many unsavory characters looking to feast on prey. Guess this Oscar-award winning actor needs added to the list. He's been arrested in Ostuni, Italy on charges of sexual assault and aggravated personal injury. A woman is accusing him of forcing her to have sex with him over the course of two days. Two. Days?

His attorney says he's not a rape-r:

"I am confident that all allegations will be dismissed against Mr. Haggis. He is totally innocent and willing to fully cooperate with the authorities so the truth comes out quickly.”

Okay. Side note: Haggard was sued in 2018 by a woman alleging he had violently raped her in her New York apartment in 2013. Three more women came forward with different allegations.

With a name like "haggis," this dude was destined to be problematic.

#1 BILL COSBY

Pay up, sucka!

Judy Huth has won her civil suit against this ass hat for sexually assaulting her at the Playboy Mansion in 1975 when she was just 16-years-old. She was awarded $500,000 in damages.

Of course, Cospuke's attorney felt this was all a pile of crap"

“(It's a) 50-year-old, he-said-she-said case.”

And this is why so many sexual assaults do not make it to charges.

There aren't enough slaps in the world for this creep. Ever.