Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Get Over It

6/11/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 11, 2021:

#3 JASON SUDEIKIS

Try as he may, Jason is still really broken over his breakup with his fiancee and baby momma, Olivia Wilde-- who left him for Harry Styles. A source says:

"They're going from strength to strength, and he's still massively upset and, to be honest, is still a little angry."

We feel for you, but this slap is to wake you da fuque up! Olivia walked away from your lengthy relationship and family unit for some young Oscar Mayer. It sucks. But you deserve better than someone who's going to throw everything away for some celery-stalk lovin'. Enjoy your current situation with British model Keeley Hazel.

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#2 Tiger King "Stars" JEFF LOWE & WIFEY LAUREN

Let's be honest. None of the stars of this Netflix documentary are upstanding citizens. Not. One. They're all a little "oak-y" as in "shady." The Lowes are right up there. Maybe even worse than Joe Exotic. I know, right?

These two wealthier-than-they-should-be-animal-"lovers" are now in trouble for DUI in Oklahoma City. According to police, the couple drove out of a parking lot, drove over a curb, then abruptly stopped. Lauren got out of the driver's seat and switched places with Jeff. But since he was drunk, too, well...

A police chase ensued. The two failed sobriety tests and reeked of booze. I expected more from these two. Like roaming the streets, drunk, while riding on tigers. But since their tigers were confiscated...

P.S. A big eff you to Netflix for even introducing us to these.... creatures. And I don't mean the tigers...

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#1 ARMIE HAMMER

So not shocking. This penultimate scumbag has checked himself into rehab. Because that's what celebs do when they want to paint on a halo for all of their (alleged) misdeeds. Armie has left the Cayman Islands for rehab near Orlando for addictions to drugs, alcohol. and sex. I mean, poor Armie has had a hard life. We just don't understand,..

"Everyone looks at Armie thinking that he's had some sort of privileged life-- and that must mean there were no problems in his youth and everything was peachy keen. But that's not necessarily the way things go. Just because you come from an upbringing where financial resources are plentiful doesn't mean life isn't without problems."

Boo hoo. Yes. He has problems. But they were probably ignored because he comes from money. There is no way his fantasies of rape and cannibalism just popped up one day in his adult life. Surely, he exhibited some freakiness to his closest of friends who should've been real friends and sought help for him.

But methinks this guy is beyond living a fetish. He really wants to hurt women and eat their flesh. So we'll see if he truly wants help or not. The odds are not forever in his favor.

P.S. Can someone douse you in some Arm & Hammer to get the stench of your douchebaggery out of the planet?

Triggered Much?

6/4/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 4, 2021:

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#3 STASSI SCHROEDER, Former Reality TV Star/Still Tone Deaf and Out of Touch

It's rough when you get fired. Ask us real people, who then have to scramble and hustle to make money-- unlike yourself, Pampered Princess. When Stassi got fired from her Vanderpump Rules gig for racially insensitive social media posts, it was a delicious swig of karma. This gal knows nothing but snark, egomania, and treating others like they're less-than. She was so crushed that she had to cancel her big gender reveal because:

"we just weren't in the mood to celebrate in such a big way."

Not in the mood? Perhaps you were more afraid of the potential backlash after stepping in it and getting dragged on the socials. What was that big celebration anyways? Renting a plane to:

"... fly around Valley Village saying either 'It's a Girl' or 'It's a Boy' so our friends could walk out of their houses, and we could social distance and celebrate."

Thankfully, some baker baked a cake. And that was the reveal, along with a modest social media post. So sorry being racist-ish messed-up your plans. FYI: 99.99999999999% of us could care less what is coming out of your vajayjay.

P.S. Hopefully your daughter will grow up to be a wiser, more aware person than yourself.

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#2 DEMI LOVATO

I was all #TeamDemi as she shared her struggles with body image and addiction. But after social media-shaming an ice cream shop for offering sugar-free flavors and virtue-signaling, I had to walk away from your team. And now, Ms. I'm Gonna Tell You All How to Live is pleading to her fans to stop complimenting weight loss online. Because it triggers her.

"... complimenting someone on their weight loss can be as harmful as complimenting someone on their weight gain with regard to talking to someone in recovery from an eating disorder. If you don't know someone's history with food, please don't comment on their body because even if your intention is pure, it might leave that person awake at 2 am overthinking that statement."

Whoa. Pump the brakes. Continue working with your therapist. We'll handle our issues if you'll handle yours. By the way-- your triggers are yours to learn to manage. It isn't our job to tiptoe around everybody because something like air can be a trigger.

P.S. Were you "California sober" when you spewed on social media?

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#1 LARSA PIPPEN

Enjoy the only time you'll ever be #1 in anybody's book, and it's because of your classy behavior (said sarcastically.) This over-the-hill, clout coin seeking, homewrecking ho-bag should really keep all her holes shut. After her lover, NBA player Malik Beasley got entangled in her poon of doom, he woke up and realized he erred. He publicly apologized to his wife (Montana Yao, who he kicked out his home along with their 2-year-old son), and asked for forgiveness.

Sad, but entertaining-- Montana and Larsa traded shots on the socials. But then Larsa had to low blow. Perhaps low-blowing is something she's good at:

"When I thought about him and how he treated your child, he's not the type of man I want around (me). Any man who would deny his child and then leave the mother penniless is not a real man. He cried entirely too much. He's cheap, but then again you never saw any alimony so you already know that."

Is that why things are over? Is it because the great Scottie Pippen (who you're still married to) isn't giving you enough money? Could be the only reason you were gobblin' a man as old as your son... Your dumbass boy toy doesn't want you. Scottie hasn't wanted you for years. And The Kardashians want nothing to do with you. Ouch.

P.S. Thanks for letting everyone know that you have an OnlyFans account. Maybe you can find a new sucker to suck on there.

What A-Rod

4/23/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 23, 2021:

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#3 HARVEY WEINSTEIN

Poor rape-y jailbird is having a tough life behind bars and can't be extradited to L.A. to face more sex crime charges. WAAAAAAA! Why? His lawyer says his client is going blind and is losing his teeth and he's scheduled to have those things fixed, so... Eff that! As long as this douchenozzle can hear and speak, he can physically answer to charges. Unfortunately, this affront to humanity hasn't lost his inadequate cocktail weenie.

Why is he even still breathing?

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#2 USHER

Oh, Raymond. Perhaps one of your "Confessions" should be that you knew you were making it rain with fake dollars. But hold on-- it was all a misunderstanding. Usher was visiting Sapphire Las Vegas-- he was just there for dinner and drinks, wink wink-- and somebody left behind some "Ushbucks"-- fake money with his own name and face on it-- as a tip. The club's management says Usher paid his tab with real money and left a generous tip-- also in real money.

Supposedly, the Ushbucks were used to promote his upcoming residency in Vegas in July.

Sure. I'm thinking some fool in his entourage most likely tried to swing big, but had little cash flow, so why not use the Usher fake money...

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#1 ALEX RODRIGUEZ

Really, A-Rod? You can't control your bat, striking out with Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer. Lopez. After four years of coupling, these two are finished-- thanks to Alex's penchant for swing at whatever curve ball comes his way. And you ruined it all for a reality TV star that you didn't even sleep with!?!?!

Sources say JLo doesn't trust him, and she can't live that way. The two are amicable, as they need to find a way to separate their businesses and real estate. What's really unfortunate? Their children (from separate relationships) are all around the same age. and are best friends. They will suffer the most.

How many muffins can you slam, Asshat?

P.S. Jennifer-- you knew his reputation. There is no magical vajeen that can stop a poonhound from sniffing around.

Devil's Advocate

4/2/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 2, 2021:

HONORABLE MENTION: Machine Gun Kelly. Dude was cheating on his hot-azz girlfiriend, Sommer Ray, with now-soulmate/girlfriend/effbuddy/equally-hot-azz Megan Fox. MGK and Megan met while filming "Midnight in the Switchgrass". Sommer was allowed to travel to visit the film set. But when MGK was filming the video for "Bloody Valentine," she was told to stay away because of the 'VID. Hhhmmmm...... Megan co-starred in that video, and then the two started dating soon "after". Shame on being a swingin' wangler, Machine Gun. Props though for tryin' to be smart by using COVID as an excuse. An excuse that's believable, until it's not...

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#3 THOMAS MARKLE

Can the Queen grant Prince Harry's FIL the title of Royal Wanker? Because he one-thousand percent qualifies. This dude has done nothing but cash in with tall tales about his daughter, Megan. There ain't a dollar he'll turn down to share "his side of the story". And now that Prince Harry and Megan's Oprah interview made some heads explode overseas, as well as stirred the shizz up stateside, well-- Tommy Boy wants his say. Again. Because he feels he was "misrepresented" and wants to clear things up.

So what did he do? He wrote a letter. Took time to actually write a letter and hand deliver it to Oprah's security detail in Monticello. I'm sure Oprah will respond... NOT!

Go. A. Way. You're such a POS. Nobody cares about you. You should care about having a real, private relationship with your daughter instead of trying to suckle off her teat for a drop of validation and fame. Sorry. You'll just have to settle for infamy.

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#2 JEN SHAH, cast member/Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

The loudest mouth on Bravo's newest "Housewives" show is in trouble with the law. Big time. And it was all caught on video while filming is underway for the second season. Shah and her personal assistant (IE: partner in alleged crime) Stuart Smith are charged in a national telemarketing scheme. According to Homeland Security:

"Shah and Smith flaunted their lavish lifestyle to the public as a symbol of their 'success'. (But) They built their opulent lifestyle at the expense of vulnerable, often elderly, working-class people."

Nothing pisses me off more than a dirty thief! Especially those that take advantage of the elderly. Older people have worked their entire lives and have lived a long time. Let 'em be!

Both are charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and money laundering-- which could garner 30-year and 20-year sentences. This only proves how dumb these "stars" are. You're on a reality TV show. We have the internet. There are cameras around you! You can't hide your assery!

Didn't you learn anything from fellow Housewives Star and fellow felon, Teresa Guidice-- who spent 15 months in prison? All your fake fabulousity won't keep you from prison, bitch.

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#1 LIL NAS X

Congratulations. Everyone's talking about you, Lil Nasty. I don't care how you live your life. But most people feel that promoting a bromance with The Devil is not tight-- like in your newest music video. Whether it's satire or not, or art or not-- messin' with Lucifer makes people uncomfortable. Add in some Satan shoes, and you've delivered a one-two punch to a fiery eternity.

Congratulations, Part Two: You've made a pile of cash on your Satan Shoes. You've made more than half-a-million bucks from selling-out 666 pairs at $1,018. Nike is pissed because you bought some Air Max '97s and demoned things up by adding human blood to each pair. Because nothing says cool like wearing blood. And whose blood was used, exactly? Are you some undercover killer with some corpses at your disposal? You rose to fame based on the extreme popularity of "Old Town Road"-- which became a kids' anthem, whether you liked it or not, despite your argument that the song has adult themes to it. Oh, but you liked the fame and notoriety. Now that parents are upset at you, you're flying your big ol' middle finger:

"U decided to let your child listen. blame yourself. I am an adult. i am not gonna spend my entire career trying to cater to your children. that is your job."

But you have no problem dictating and indoctrinating what you feel is important to said children. Okay.

You may not believe in a Higher Power, but most people believe in karma and reaping what you sow. What you've gained now is nothing. Why don't you really express your artistry and cutting-edge bullsh&t by doing something... religious? Oh, because spiritual stuff is stuffy but devil stuff is cool.

Enjoy that stripper pole ride to Hell... and the surprise party waiting for you.

B-I-L-L NO!

3/26/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 MAMA JUNE

Trash is in the genes. Seems that way with this one. She rose to reality TV fame while pimping-out her daughter, Honey Boo Boo on the child pageant circuit. Then, came a string of reality shows for the matriarch. From extreme weight loss, to severed relationships with some of your daughters (for dating the man that raped one of them), to drug charges and living in your car (you had a beautiful home with all that reality money.) And now, yet another TV show "Mama June: Road to Redemption." In which she dishes about living in her car with her deadbeat, druggy BF:

"We were staying in Jackson, Georgia. We weren't using because we didn't have any money."

Thank goodness. Because who's taking care of Honey Boo Boo? She's only 15. Hopefully, you're woke now. And not in a political way-- but in a real life way. You had $750,000 that you put up your nose. Shame on you. Kick the trash to the curb and kick it out of your soul, woman!

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#2 KYLIE JENNER

Raise your hand if you're tired of entitled brats who lack awareness? Yup. The billionaire took some major heat for promoting a celebrity makeup artist's GoFundMe. She told her sheep to donate to Samuel Rauda's fundraiser after he was involved in a serious accident that required surgery. She did pitch-in $5,000 towards the $120,000 goal. But... you've worked with this dude before. You've spent a minimum of $100,000 grand on your baby's birthday party. You could've easily covered this person's expenses. But no. Just ask the zombies to spend money they don't have because they have bigger hearts than your fake lips.

She was called out on the socials:

"If I was as rich as Kylie Jenner I simply wouldn't ask ppl on the internet to donate for my best friend's brain surgery but we all built different I guess."

"How come Kylie Jenner isn't paying her makeup artist enough to afford a $60,000 surgery?"

Guess you don't get rich by spending money. Unless it's for something you can socialbrag about.

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#1 BILL COSBY

This. Mother. F&cker. He thinks he's getting out of prison soon. In fact, the 83-year-old rapist expects to be free to drop pills in drinks as early as next month. So confident this one is, he's refused to participate in sexual predator counseling sessions:

"Just a few days ago they came to him and asked if he would go to those counseling courses for being a sexual violent predator and he said 'No. I am not guilty of this and I am not going to any courses. By attending those courses, I am admitting guilt.'"

Sixty (60) women came forward, accusing you of drugging and raping them over the past 40 years. But they're all lying, right? It was all consensual, right?

That's right. They couldn't say "no" because they were drugged. Just because you don't believe what you did was wrong doesn't mean it wasn't. You're just a scumbag, like other scumbags, except you're scummier because you've got money to pay people off and stroke your... ego.

I hope you die behind bars with a pudding pop in your pipe.

Jose Cuer-no

3/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Khloe made a goal-- reunite with her baby-daddy Tristan Thompson for his 30th birthday. Well, she did! And now she's wearing a rather large rock on that finger. Sigh. Yes, you share a 3-year-old daughter. Yes, you want to have another baby with Tbag. But... do you really trust the dude that cheated on you with your sister's best friend? He's saying and doing all the right things right now. But when he's out on the road playing ball, who's playing with his balls?

His snake cannot be caged. Nor does he want it to be. I mean, look at who's Number Two on this list as a prime example...

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#2 ALEX RODRIGUEZ

What in the actual f&ck is wrong with you!?!? You are engaged to Jennifer-Friggin'-Lopez. Four. Years. Together. And Little ARod can't stop panty sniffing. You're a complete idiot. If you're going to jeopardize your relationship, could you at least not dip your wick into the reality TV ho-bag pool? While Madison LeCroy of Southern Charm is hot, she's no JLo! Sexting some THOT for funsies is just stupid. What are you trying to prove? That you've still got it? You will always "have it" because you're ALEX RODRIGUEZ. The Dead Sea Scrolls can't contain all the women you've wanged over the years.

I'm glad you and JLo are "working it out". Y'all are most likely working out splitting your assets while she's resisting splitting your ass in half with her Louboutin-adorned foot.

Wake up! Put your c*ck on lockdown before you ruin everything...

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#1 JOSE CANSECO

This broke down, steroid-ruined asshat only tops ARod because he's just so played out. What did this fool do? He decided to throw his hat into the ring for JLo's affections. Please. After taking to Twitter to call Alex "the most predictable person on the planet", he decided to shoot his shot for Jennifer:

"(she) needs a man that's by her side 24/7... (and is) older than she is."

Age has nothing to do with ARod's wangderlust. But there's more. Jose would....

"fight for (her)..."

But...

"(I've got) two town shoulders and a bad knee."

That's so... not eloquent. Who would want your powder puff penis at this point? Madonna was already there in your prime time. And being all up in that is kind of like walking barefoot through Grand Central.

Do us all a favor. Sit down. Shut up. Disappear.

Can't Touch This

3/12/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 12, 2021:

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#3 KEVIN CONNOLLY

Apparently, he's still living the Entourage life in his mind, because rules don't apply to him! He was caught on camera throwing a tantrum when his widdle Tesla got towed outside a flower shop in L.A. The thing is, he's lucky his car didn't get towed previously, because he's a chronic asshat.

The manager of said flower shop said he keeps parking his car in their parking lot while he's in the next building recording his podcasts. After leaving multiple notes on his car, the shop had enough. The douchehole went into the shop after his car was towed to rant, and now he's permanently banned.

Look, fool. They asked nicely. You didn't comply because they're just simpletons and you're an important person, right? Entitled POS.

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#2 JANICE DICKINSON

She's always been outspoken, but I think she's just old and grouchy now. Because old people get grouchy. She calls herself the world's first supermodel, so someone asked her about today's supermodels-- like the Hadid sisters and the Jenner sisters. Well, the Crypt Keeper had some feelings:

"No. They're not. They have one look. They don't really diversify their movements. They just stand there and get paid millions of dollars"

That's what models do... ?

"The models of the 70s, 80s do not compare to the models of today, the Instagram models that get famous and they put into Vogue-- the Kylie Jenners and the Gigi Hadids, and the Bella Hadids."

Meow! Maybe you should mentor these subpar models since you're the O.G. After you get your 100th surgery to try to make us think you're not 95.

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#1 NICOLAS CAGE

Just stop it. Stop. Getting. Married. Are you trying to one-up Elizabeth Taylor's eight marriages? I get the "I love you forever" and "this time it'll be different" and "we're soulmates". No. You're assholemates. That's what you are. Anyone that knows who you are knows your track record. Methinks your newest wife had to Google who the eff you are because she's 26 and you're 57. Hello, Daddy-Husband! But the two got married on February 16 in Vegas for good reason:

"The date was chosen to honor the birthday of the groom's late father."

One of his ex-wives attended the intimate ceremony. Touching. I really think the problem here is that Nic has Yellow Fever. While I applaud his love of my fellow yellow, three (3) of his ex-wives have been Asian. Move on to another country after this one flames out...

P.S. If she ever saw Face/Off, she'd probably turn down the proposal...

Shake It Off

3/5/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 5, 2021:

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#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Cast Member/Real Housewives of New Jersey

As one of the Housewives franchise's O.G.s, she knows her days are numbered. She's making some serious coin, and she needs a storyline to stay relevant. Seriously. She's already gone to jail. Her husband got deported after serving his jail time, and then they divorced. Now what? Well, start a rumor-- no matter who it hurts. Momma's gotta support three kids at home while the fourth is in college!

Our favorite table-flipping housewive kicked-off the new season by spreading a rumor about fellow castmate Jackie's husband. At his birthday party. Classy. She told anyone that would listen that Jackie's husband "screws around" with women when he's at the gym. But she didn't have proof, and couldn't remember who shared this info with her.

Have a seat, beyotch! This isn't the first time she spread such filth. She pulled the same "I heard" b.s. with her own sister-in-law, and when someone spread a rumor about her and her former husband cheating on each other, well.... things got ugly. What a memory of convenience.

I think we need to retire some of these O.G.s, or give all the O.G.'s their own show where they can pull each other's hair out and claw each other's faces. Or let us do it for the complete satisfaction.

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#2 PAT SAJAK

Just like the late Alex Trebek, this dude is synonymous with the game show he's hosted forever-- Wheel of Fortune. But his luck may have run out after the Twittersphere's collective mind nearly exploded after he made fun of a contestant with a speech impediment.

During contestant Chris Bimble's introduction, Pathole mimicked his lisp. He put on a fake lisp to answer, "I see" as "I thee." In fact, he mocked this poor man twice. What in the af!?!?! While Chris laughed it off, you know it wasn't cool. Surely he didn't think it was cool, either. But what do you do when you're just a common person on national TV? He rolled with it. I'm sure this man has dealt with being teased his entire life for his impediment. Why does a highly-paid asshat feel the need to mock someone who obviously loves the show and is a pro at solving puzzles?

Shame on you. You should know better. You're like 5,000 years old. With age comes wisdom-- but not in this case.

I know you play games for a living. But there's no place in a 2021 world for a playground idiot.

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#1 TAYLOR SWIFT

I used to like TayTay. Now, I find her completely annoying. I was totally on her side when that whole thing went down with that douche-y DJ grabbing her bootay during a meet-and-greet way back when. I've admired her work ethic, and felt empathy for the isolated life she lives because of her fame. I even thought it sucked warted ween when she lost the rights to her original recordings through a shady record deal her dad made. But I'm a million percent over her whining. Like, seriously. For such an empowered, growly female-- you need thicker skin.

Her latest boo hoo sesh? The Netflix series "Ginny and Georgia" made a joke at her expense. EGADS! The joke?

"What do you care? You go through men faster than Taylor Swift."

That's a lot of men... Anywho, she snapped back on Twitter:

"How about we stop degrading hard working women by defining this horse shit as FuNnY."

Taylor! Language! She also took exception with Netflix, which carried her documentary, "Miss Americana" for having such a show on its service-- saying:

"Also, @Netflix after Miss Americana this outfit doesn't look cute on you. Happy Women's History Month I guess."

Waaaaah. Girl, you have f&ck you money. Who cares? Be grateful you're still relevant. Be grateful that you're such a part of pop culture that people wanna take a shot at you. Follow your own advice in that "Shake it Off" song of yours and shake it off!

Funbags & Moneybaggs

2/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 19, 2021:

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#3 Reality TV-er MADISON LECROY of Southern Charm (but that's not her in the GIF)

From spreading to rumors to possibly spreading her home-wrecking legs, this reality TV "star" knows the game-- out of sight, out of mind. So stay in "sight". From rumored affairs with Jay Cutler and A-Rod, and now getting that body tight and right for her prowling and pouncing. At least she admits to all her new plastic surgery-- unlike many celebs. Of course, she said it was not for vanity purposes:

"I never thought I would need, much less want, plastic surgery. However, after giving birth to a 10lb baby eight years ago, I no longer felt confident in my own skin... there are areas that don't quite bounce back to where they were originally."

You do you, boo. And apparently anything with a hang-low... I give her an "A" for keeping her name out there. Whether she's a ho or a no, she's getting some pub. That, and maybe a disease. Who knows?

P.S. Is a vaj rejuv next? Cuz we know that's like a 10-wide L.A.-type highway you got going there.

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#2 Rapper, MONEYBAGG YO

I don't know who in the af this is. And I'm okay with that. But with a name like "Moneybagg Yo" you deserved to be slapped. But the real reason you deserve to be slapped is your lack of awareness. See, Mr. Yo took to the socials to brag about all the money he's made during these "unprecedented times". You know, a time when people have lost their jobs, can't go anywhere, and some have died. Good times.

"... not gone lie I made a couple of Ms in da pandemic, ion want it to end. I feel like the pandemic help a lot of people."

It's helped us? Please drink a water tower-sized portion of STFU. We're all so glad the pandemic hit cuz life was just so sad and boring. The Bag tried to apologize after the socials raged against him, though:

"I apologize to everyone I offended my comment was very insensitive it was not my intent to hurt anyone."

Apparently, it wasn't your intent to use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, but you made your pile so, whatevs....

I really think your name should be Dickbagg Tho

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#1 GWYNETH PALTROW

I didn't find her irritating as an actress. But as a human and self-proclaimed lifestyle guru, I find her extremely not tolerable. From her pimping "affordable" $3,000 spring wardrobes, to coochie steaming, and candles that smell like her vaj, comes the latest-- a Gwynie designed "intimate massager."

She said she had a lot of time on her hands (so to speak) during the QT, so why not channel some good vibes for her channel? I, frankly, don't want to share any connection with this wench. And secondly, charging $95 for a vibe that looks like a giant lollipop ain't tight. Leave the good times to that Adam & Eve website. Stick to being what you're good at-- a self-absorbed, out-of-touch "elite."

It's not that you've really done something offensive to top The Slap this week, except existing in general. You're like a grain of sand in a clam-- but you don't turn into a pearl. You just give the clam an infection...

Mr. Massengil

2/12/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 12, 2021:

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#3 BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

The Boss was sauced. It's been revealed that the rocker was arrested back in November at Gateway National Recreation Area in Jersey for having some adult beverage action. He was cited for DWI, reckless driving, and consuming alcohol in a closed area. He's due in court in the next few weeks. Such a shame someone who's recently been virtually signaling is one to behave not-so-virtuously. But such as it is with celebrities and people with fat wallets: "Do as I say, not as I do."

Perhaps he should write an acoustic album of drunken ballads and name it: Booze in the USA. And while you're at it, go ahead and eat a Tunnel of Love-size back of d&cks.

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#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

I appreciate and support the notion of redemption. But this dude has a history of slingin' is ding dong around willie nillie-- so to speak. Why subject yourself to potential heartache-- again? It appears the two are back together. She's forgiven him for cheating on her a couple of times and believes he's a changed man.

Okay.

And... it appears they want to give their 2-year-old daughter, True, a sibling. They have the frozen embryos ready to go. That's the best option, Khloe, because history does repeat itself. Get your baby, but toss the baby daddy. Remember: Take your heart out of this equation and keep his hard out of your pants!

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#1 SHIA LABEOUF

The douche extraordinaire finally makes a statement, sort of-- regarding the lawsuit filed against him by FKA Twigs (Tahliah Barnett). As we shared previously, she says she was subjected to physical, emotional, sexual and verbal abuse, courtesy of Shia. Now, he's responded-- through his attorney's prepared statement:

"(Shia) denies generally and specifically, each and every allegation contained in (Tahliah Barnett's) Complaint, denies that (Barnett) has sustained any injury or loss by reason of any act or omission on the part of (Shia), and denies that (Barnett) is entitled to any relief or damages whatsoever."

His lawyers say the charges should be dismissed because "none of the acts alleged were based on sex and/or the conduct was not sexual."

?

She's claiming sexual abuse as well. So... what in the af do you mean? Dude, please. You're a giant steamy turd pile. I know it's hard for you to accept, but you're not a quality human-- if you're human at all.

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