Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Mani Above All Else

9/27/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 27, 2019:

#3 ASHTON KUTCHER

Demi Moore has written a scathing autobiography, and girl is spillin' all the tea! In fact, she blames threesomes for her divorce from Ashton Kutcher:

"I wanted to show him how great and fun I could be."

Uhmmm... there are other ways to show your "fun side". Guess Ashton used the three-play as a free pass to cheat. You know, since he technically "cheated" in said threesome.

Demi, you get slapped for a poor decision. Ashton, you get slapped for being an asshat.

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#2 MILEY CYRUS

What in the af are you doing? You break up your marriage with the person you considered to be your best chance at "for life" partner status for Kaitlynn Carter-- only to break up with her a month later. I could care less if you love a man, a woman, a sheep. But you're irresponsible with your vaj. breaking hearts and spanking asses ain't the way to live-- unless you're a dominatrix. Weren't you a dom at one point? Anywho, guess this is no longer true:

"Miley and Kaitlynn are on the same page, which is why they work so well together. (Miley) can totally be herself with Kaitlynn."

Rumor has it that things were getting too serious and Miley didn't want that. Please, Cyrus Virus. Seal that vault between your legs.

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#1 KIM KARDASHIAN

When they call childbirth a "miracle" it's because it is. Because so many things can go wrong for conception to world entry. But, some people are too superficial and shallow to think-- at all. It came out recently that Kimmie delayed her first child's birth by two hours because she needed to get a manicure. What in the af?!?

While eating a McGriddle and getting a bikini wax, her doc called her and said she had to deliver North immediately because Kim had preeclampsia. But then she looked down at her nails and just couldn't deliver her baby in such sub-fab conditions!

"And my nails were, like, dark. It was when I was still in my Lincoln Park After Dark phase of nails or like my Burgundy nails. And I was like, 'Oh, no no, I'm having a girl. I really need a nice light pink nail for delivery.' So I told the doctor, 'Are you sure I have to deliver right now? Can you give me like two hours?' And he was like, 'Fine, meet me in two hours.'"

I mean, we get it. Your appearance is far more important than your health or your baby's. NOT! Who the f*ck is looking at your hands during delivery!?!?!? And since you're the queen of Photoshop, one of your lackey's could've changed your nail color.

Not only is this true-life story completely asinine, but you have no clue at what a vapid dumbass you really are.

Aaron's (Pitiful) Party

9/20/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 20th, 2019:

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#3 50 CENT

Yo, Fiddy. Why u beefin' still with reality TV star LaLa Kent? We understand your real beef is with her fiancee, movie producer Randall Emmett. So why not go after him? Or is this like mob mentality where you go after what your enemy cares about the most? Sigh. Anywho, LaLa addressed this stupid feud on a recent TV appearance, so 50 decided to take to social media and make some memes out of some of her pictures, like:

"Shut up b*tch. You started with the wrong person good night"

Eloquent. But this is so much eloquent-er:

"Rise in shine puffy face. It's gym time but I'm sure your having a hangover. Welp. Here's to life buck O. LOL"

First, check yo grammar before you check someone. Next, must we make fun of a person who has publicly admitted they have struggled with the sauce?

Boo. Why don't you just sue her man to get your money back? Guess you need some beef to remind us you had some hits back in the day. Like, last decade.

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#2 WENDY WILLIAMS

I've never liked this woman one bit. Overrated. Bitter. Nasty. What sucks is that she has a forum in which to sling the mud-- without proof. Yes, we all have opinions about stuff-- but she has chronic diarrhea of the mouth. Somebody get this *B* some Imodium. Or a mouth plug.

Iconic beauty Christie Brinkley had to back out of the latest installment of Dancing With the Stars. Because she broke her arm while rehearsing, The injury required surgery, a metal plate, and screws. There's even photographic evidence of said injury. But Wendy doesn't buy it:

"... that looked fake as hell. Let me tell you what I see. What I see is a 65-year-old hot stuff who looks like if you were going to fracture anything, you should have said the tailbone. I don't see a wrist and a shoulder being fractured, but that was real cute."

In Wendy World, this is all a part of a nefarious plot for Christie to get her model daughter, Sailor on the show. Which has happened.

Well, methinks Wendy would know about fake. Have you see that weave of hers?

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#1 AARON CARTER

Proving that fame and meager fortune doesn't make your life perfect, Aaron has been a hot mess since birth. No, seriously. The former teen pop star has had troubles with substances and the law. And now, his kinda-more successful brother-- Nick-- has filed a restraining order against him. Why? Oh, you know. That whole threatening-to-kill-his-pregnant-wife thing:

"In light of Aaron's increasingly alarming behavior and his recent confession that he harbors thoughts and intentions of killing my pregnant wife and unborn child, we were left no choice but to take every measure possible to protect ourselves and our family. We love our brother and truly hope he gets the proper treatment he needs before any harm comes to himself or anyone else."

Yikes! Meanwhile, Aaron says he hasn't even seen his brother or sister in over four years, so nobody's really gonna get hurt. Aaron dropped this on social media:

"Take care. We're done for life."

He's another shining example of how drugs are bad. Let's just say we've experienced his destructive behavior many moons ago...

Look, Aaron. You're only 32. You still have time to unf&ck your life!

I Wanna Be a Billionaire

9/13/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 13th, 2019:

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#3 KYLIE JENNER

This is a preemptive slap, as in: don't eff things up so I have to slap you for legit reasons. Kylie was recently bestowed the honor of being the youngest self-made billionaire. Granted, all the Kardashians and Jenners owe Momma Kris for shopping Kim's buck-naked film for lots of cash and too much reality TV time. But I digress. Her family lovingly teases Kylie for being so damned rich:

"When we're in a group chat talking about where we should go for a trip, they're like, 'Kylie? You going to pay for it?'"

HA HA HA! Oh, the ribbing wealthy folk must endure!

We're excited when we can pay off our Carnival cruise beforehand. Just make sure your money is well-invested so you don't end up like MC Hammer or Lindsay Lohan.

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#2 LORI LOUGHLIN

In a "DUH!" moment, Aunt Becky admitted that she should've taken a plea deal like Felicity Huffman did in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. Sources say she didn't realized the seriousness of the situation. Seriously?

"Lori was inclined to take the deal, but Mossimo said it would ruin both of their careers."

Uhmmm....
1. Damage done.
2. Jail time is better than a plea deal?
3. I thought you thought you were innocent...

Well, they are innocent. In their world. They believe they're being targeted for their wealth. Your wealth-- and throwing it around-- is what got you into this mess to begin with so, eff off.

Maybe Mossimo can design some fetch accessories for your orange jumpsuit.

#1 CHARLIE SHEEN

Oh, Charlie. You've been scary and entertaining throughout the years. From #Winning, to Tiger's Blood, to Heidi Fleiss-- the ride that is Charlie has been interesting. But one thing that's not forgivable-- not living up to your responsibilities. Ex-wife Denise Richards has taken Chuck to court, claiming he owes $450,000 in back child support.

"Charlie has squandered over $24,000,000 from the sale in his interest in Two and a Half Men to pay his personal debts and to support his extravagant lifestyle at the expense of support payments for his children."

The hot mess is also accused of diverting more than half-a-million dollars to family members (apparently, other than his children) to hide it. Charlie responded via social media:

"D and her legal posse traffic only in fiction. My day in court is painfully overdue. She is behaving like a coward and the truth will prevail."

So eloquent. So bullsh*tty.

Not sorry you have two children with Denise and two with your other ex-wife-- in that case you claim you can't get work. Why? Because of your own damned self. You can keep doing the wrong things when it comes to yourself, but you need to do the right thing when it comes to your kids.

Who's the real coward?

#NotWinningDadofTheYear

Battlestar Bitch-lactica

9/6/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 6, 2019:

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#3 FARRAH ABRAHAM

I really don't know know who Farrah is, other than a reality TV show "star" and hot effin' mess extraordinaire. She rose to fame on her back, so to speak. Her pregnancy at age 17 got her cast on the show 16 and Pregnant. She's been in the spotlight for a variety of non-good reasons, and most recently for a wardrobe malfunction.

Farrah was wearing a floral dress cut low in the front, and slit up to her, er, slit while walking the red carpet at the Venice Film Festival. Well, we all got to see where her baby came from because she wasn't wearing any drawers. That's fine and good. A breeze flowing through the valley is nice. But do that someplace else. We don't need to see your roast-beef-snatch.

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#2 JOHN TRAVOLTA

Perhaps, Saturday Night Fever should retire from presenting at awards shows. After his infamous flub at the 2014 Oscars where he butchered Idina Menzel's name by calling her Adele Dazeem (not even close), he pulled another Ravolta at the 2019 VMAs. After announcing the winner for "Video of the Year", he mistook drag queen Jade Jolie for Taylor Swift.

But he said he didn't flub it up.

"There's so many people that bombarded the stage, that I was looking for (Swift). So, the video has me looking, trying to find her. But, you know, I thought it was so funny the way it was interpreted. And it's cool, I didn't care."

Glad you didn't care, but maybe TayTay did-- considering her track record with oddities at awards shows (Kanye).

Quit while you're ahead.. or something.

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#1 BRANDI GLANVILLE (former reality TV "star") & TAMRA JUDGE (current reality "star", Real Housewives of Orange County)

There's nothing worse (actually, makes for good entertainment) than when two "stars" duke it out on the social media. Drunken-potty-mouth Brandi rose to fame on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, regaling viewers with stories of her former "supermodel" days and her cheating-now-ex-husband. This chick has her own podcast or vlog or something that keeps her "out there". She's very good at taking shots at everyone and everything, because again, it keeps her "relevant."

She decided to tweet some oak tree shade at fellow reality TV star Tamra Judge after an episode of RHOC in which rumors of a cast member "pulling a train" surfaced. Brandi threw the first punch:

"I have much to say on the toxic trick that is Tamra but I'm going to enjoy my holiday wknd first & address it on my next you tube episode. C-T f-king wait."

Okay. Nice use of "trick"? Tamra struck back:

"looks like someone needs a little attention. Who knew saying 'kelly is the new Brandi' she'd lose her shit. It's not like I called her a hypothetical a-hole."

Uhhhmmm. I think you meant "hypocritical". Damned spell check?

The exchange went back-and-forth, but you can find out for yourselves. The not-shocking thing: Brandi was drinking while tweeting.

There really should be a law against that. And making people famous for nothing. Cuz if that's the case... I'm right here...

Mani Above All Else

Aaron's (Pitiful) Party

I Wanna Be a Billionaire

Battlestar Bitch-lactica

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