Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

No Ye!

2/4/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 4th, 2022:

#3 SIMON COWELL

What's the definition of insanity? Doing something over and over and expecting different results. Or something like that. We're talking about you, Simon. The dude that broke his back in three places after wrecking his e-bike in 2020, decided that e-biking was a good idea again. No. It was not. Guess what happened? Dude tried to round a sharp corner, lost control because the pavement was wet, and crashed. This time, he broke his left arm, tore up his face, and suffered a concussion.

Kudos for wanting fitness. But keep it up, and your family is gonna be fittin' you in a pine box.

Allow me to call you what you've called many auditioners on Idol and Got Talent:

"You're an utter moron!"

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#2 TERESA GIUDICE, from Real Housewives of New Jersey

After finally divorcing that POS first husband, this housewife wants to keep that status accurate with looming "til death do us part" vibes with her current flame, Luis. After going to prison for some shady money issues, which her first hubby caused, you'd think she'd be more mindful of the money she's been able to make back. Meaning, protect your ass-ets.

But... she says she has no plans on making Luis sign a prenup.

Teresa may be great at flipping tables, but the dining room upstairs is a bit empty.

While appearing on Andy Cohen's Watch What Happens Live, Teresa said she didn't want to do the prenup. Cuz.... ? Your 'soulmate' should have no problem signing a document if he truly cares about you.

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#1 KANYE WEST, or YE, or whatever he calls himself

Kanye has done and said a lot of questionable things in the past. But this is low. He's supposedly telling friends Pete Davison (who's dating his soon-to-be-ex Kim Kardashian) has AIDS.

"Kanye's been telling everybody within earshot" that Pete has AIDS. We're told Kanye's claim has made for a few awkward phone calls between Pete and mutual friends he has with Kanye -- who are confused and disturbed by the childish behavior."

Yes, I don't get the Pete Davison thing. I don't know why so many women are attracted to him. But, AIDS is not a joking matter. And, if you would play it cool you might have a shot at getting Kim back-- which is your goal. Because, that whole Pete's "d" worship ends quickly....

Two Balls & One Sack

11/1/2019

Offenders for the week ending November 1, 2019:

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#3 JUSTIN BIEBER

He still has fans. A lot of fans. He promised to release a new album if his Instagram post got some love:

"If this gets 20 million likes Justin Bieber will release an album before Christmas."

Errr... did Justin refer to himself in third person? #douchemove

He's "recently had a burst of creativity" (lucky for us), but said he has no plans of touring cuz he did all that when he was a teenager and hated it. So...

How 'bout if this week's slap list gets a million "likes" you'll leave the U.S. for realzies...

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#2 ANDY COHEN & TERESA GIUDICE

The O.G. of Bravo TV got first dibs on interviewing Teresa and Joe Giudice-- the legal-embattled-marriage-is-sketchy couple from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. After serving his 41-month prison term for fraud, Joe was deported to Italy recently because he never became a U.S. citizen. Teresa has been on her own after serving her 15-month prison term. The two hadn't spoken in years. But then Andy stirred the pot. By recalling a prediction former castmate Caroline Manzo made many years ago: That someone (Joe) would be going away and that Teresa would divorce Joe and show her girls how to be strong.

Slap for Teresa: for thinking and speaking out loud that you think Caroline ratted you out to the FBI because she (Caroline) has lived "that dark life". Whatever that means. Stop blaming others for your shizz. Own up to it. Even your probably-gonna-be-ex husband said he knows who ratted and it wasn't Caroline.

Slap for Andy: you should've defended Caroline. She's not a criminal. She's just a truth-preaching bulldog. Your lack of fruit bowl power won't help you woo her back to the franchise.

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#1 JIM EDMONDS

It wasn't surprising when news of the former baseballer and his Real Housewives of Orange County wifey announced their split. Watching their relationship on the show (when the were cast members) was painful. She was definitely his trophy wife who was struggling to co-parent his teen daughter. But she wanted babies of her own with Jim. He agreed, but wasn't around for her IVF treatments. All seemed a bit better when their first child was born, but then came the stories of his sexting other women and other dalliances while she was preggo with their twins.

And now, Meghan accuses her Jim of extra-curricular play time with the nanny. But which one? They have four nannies and an live-in au pair. That's a lot to choose from...

It's hard to feel sorry for you Meghan. Not saying cheating is cool, cuz it's not. But dude has had two other wives? And he's on the road all the time for his job? And he's a former pro athlete?

Now, Jim vows to make things right with Meghan because she's a wonderful woman. How will you make things right? You're incapable.

1 + 1 + 1 = his bat will be a swingin' for the honey fences whenever he gets the chance... And Jim, your on-the-road-former-star-status is not a Pootie Hall Pass.

Tweet Attack

7/26/2019

Offenders for the week ending 07/26/19:

Our slapees are reality TV stars. What does that say about who are considered "stars" nowadays? At least they're doing stupid stuff get slapped for! Woo hoo!

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#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Real Housewives of New Jersey Cast Member

Italians are known for being passionate and hot-tempered. Teresa rose to Housewives fame after flipping a table in a moment of rage. When asked about Season 10 of the show, she said her anger is next-level:

'What happened, I didn't expect it to happen. I'm shocked. It's just screwed up, you know? Let me just tell you, I was more mad this season than when I flipped the table."

Supposedly, her anger was directed at co-star Danielle Staub-- the same person that enraged her enough to flip that table in Season 1.

Best check yoself. Are you still on probation? Surely, you don't want to wear those bracelets again.

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#2 MR. & MRS. JAX & BRITTANY TAYLOR, Vanderpump Rules Cast Members

I thought the "honeymoon" phase of a marriage was supposed to last a year or two. For this reality TV couple, it was a whopping month! Anyone that watches this show shouldn't be surprised. Methinks their engagement and wedding was just for a payday. See, sweet Kentucky native Brittany finally made an honest man out of manho Jax Taylor. HA HA HA HA! This dude is notorious for letting his snake slither into whatever cave is warm and moist. So, it was quite amazing that Brittany forgave his cheating, as well as his shaming behavior. He has a tendency to talk down to women, treat them like dirt, and lie like a welcome mat. But Brittany has a forgiving nature (need more screen time), and the two became closer than ever- especially after Jax's father passed away unexpectedly.

After dropping 10 grand on an engagement party, and who knows how much on a fairytale wedding, things are rocky. Why? Because he's still a man-child P.O.S. and she can stop spending above their means.

"It has just been one thing after another. Brittany is already accusing Jax of having a wandering eye and she doesn't know how she is ever really going to trust him... Jax is freaking out about money now, too."

And... they don't have a pre-nup.

I'm sure the next step is getting pregnant-- for the cameras. Gag. Thanks for making a mockery of marriage...

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#1 KYLE RICHARDS, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Cast Member

You are the perfect example of how one should think before social media-ing. So many people live for that instant share-my-thoughts-with-the-world. Unfortunately, thinking rarely occurs before you hit "post". Sigh...

After Part 2 of the "reunion show", Kyle went on a 29 tweet rant. Twenty, Nine. Da fuq? We won't re-post the rant because y'all have better things to do. Maybe find it when you're sitting on the toilet and need to pass... time. Anywho, the drama of the show this season was over O.G. Lisa Vanderpump's dog rescue and a scandal involving a cast member adopting a dog but not returning it per contract, blah, blah, blah. "Puppy Gate" put me off the show forever. Sadly manufactured for a storyline. But the worst part was the rest of the cast members ganging up on Vanderpump-- a woman who had just lost her brother to suicide, and her mother passed away. Way to show your support.

So, to feel the need to rant on Twitter is sad. Who gives a f&ck? You "ladies" are a bunch of bullies with money and fading beauty and desperation for attention. To tweet about how tough your life is is laughable-- considering how you all have treated Lisa V. Perhaps there's jealousy that she can walk away, that she is uber wealthy through all her businesses and that she looks fabulous while doing it all.

Take your playground pettiness and shove it. Think the Botox has pickled your brain.

Zip Yo Lip

6/28/2019

Offenders for the week ending June 28, 2019:

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#3 TERESA GUIDICE AND DANIELLE STAUB, Real Housewives of New Jersey "stars"

Feuding bitches make for great ratings. Since one of these is completely crazy (Danielle) and the other is possibly cray cray (Teresa), we can't wait to see the next season of this hot-mess franchise. Supposedly these two reignited their feud after a half-decade of peace, and most recently-- near BFF-dom. What started the feud? Who knows.

"By the end of the season, there was a lot of finger pointing between Teresa and Danielle and it led to their falling out."

And allegedly, Teresa's sis-in-law and fellow castmember, Melissa, was stuck in the middle.

The two of these "ladies" should've never been friends in the first place. Teresa has a memory of convenience, and Danielle is delusional. Hey, Teresa. You called her a "prostitution whore" and flipped a table for a reason. But seriously, y'all are too grown to be this grade-schoolish.

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#2 LUANN de LESSEPS

So, the woman busted for drunkenness and assaulting a police officer-- and went to rehab twice is writing another book? Nobody gives a f&ck! Her first book, "Class With the Countess" was quite the humor piece. Oh, wait. She was serious in trying to school us on how to be our best classy selves.

Remember, this is a woman who was so drunk she fell into a row of bushes. This is the same classy dame that used her kids' trust fund money to support her own lifestyle. This is the same woman who has a "singing" career and cabaret show but has zero talent.

I think we'll pass on your latest book/memoir. We don't care to read about how tough life is for you. Or what you've written in your Hello, Kitty diary.

Like you like to say: Money can't buy you class. But could you please buy a one-way ticket to Mars?

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#1 ROSIE O'DONNELL

Why must this angry wind bag continue to open her mouth!?!?

Some dude wrote some book about The View, so that's given Hosey the perfect opp to spew her hate. In a recent interview, Rosie said View member Whoopi Goldberg was "mean" and "worse than Fox News." Also, this:

"(she) was the worst experience I've ever had on live television."

I would think TV in hi-def would be your biggest nightmare, but I digress... then she threw this shade at former View-er Elisabeth Hasselbeck saying that there were:

"underlying lesbian undertones" between them.

Cue the vomiting.

I would hope and pray that if Elisabeth were to take a dip in the lady pool that she would pick someone cooler than Rosie. I imagine Rosie would be like a horrible carnie in a two-sizes-too-small white t-shirt with sweat rings trying to cop a feel from an underage girl.

Perhaps Rosie has the Elisabeth fantasy. Methinks Elisabeth has better standards than Hosehead.

P.S. Don't you need to get back to alienating your children? Thanks.

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