Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Whinerstein

12/20/2019

Offenders for the week ending December 20, 2019:

#3 CARDI B

I don't begrudge anyone their fame nor their fortune. But sometimes, y'all re stupid with your money and it needs addressed. The hip-hopster gifted the man who has everything (her husband, rapper Offset) with $500,000 for Christmas. Oh, the benjis were neatly piled and stacked in the refrigerator.

"You could buy a car, you could buy more clothes, you could buy jewelry, you could buy me more Birkin bags. You could do whatever you want."

That's true. And cool. But this is the fool that cheated on you. His wandering-wang reward is more cash for the strip club? This is not okkkuurrrr.

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#2 LEANNE LOCKEN, Real Housewives of Dallas Castmember

No matter how beautiful you are, race-infused rants are ugly. It amazes me how many reality TV show folk forget that cameras are rolling and that they're mic-ed up-- because they say and do the dumbest things at times.

For someone who spews the mantra that her fellow castmates need to mind their business because their reps could be besmirched in the charity world of Dallas, she's blind to her own advice. The rager has been called out for attacking fellow castmember Kary Brittingham's nationality (but never to her face, of course):

"Come on, Mexican! I thought you were all Mexican and strong and powerful!.. (she is a) chirpy Mexican."

You can take the girl out of the carnival (LeeAnne's backstory), but you can't take the carney out of her...

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#1 HARVEY WEINSTEIN

We should all take a moment to feel sorry for Harvey. No, really. That's what he wants. Because he's been wrongly portrayed as a harass-y d-bag. In a recent interview, the affront to the male gender said he's a hero to women:

"(to be remembered) for doing more professionally for women than anyone in history-- rather than the slew of sickening accusations."

And this:

"(making more) movies directed by women and about women than any filmmaker, and I'm talking about 30 years ago. I'm not talking about now when it's vogue. I did it first! I pioneered it first!"

Thanks, Porky Pilgrim. For your pioneering. But at what cost to those women? You know, the 80+ you're accused of sexually harassing and attacking. Poor Harvey said all his good work has been forgotten. Yes, it has. You're your own ass stain on your own legacy.

Zip it, Fatukus F*ck.

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Dummy Bs

3/29/2019

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Offenders for the week ending March 29, 2019:

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#3 CARDI B

I love me some Cardi B. And it has nothing to do with her music. She's a hot mess who's the queen of mis-speaking. And it's all gold. This time she makes the list for regaling us with stories of her time as a stripper. Not because she was a stripper, but the things she did as a stripper. A 3-year-old video resurfaced with this tidbit:

"I had to go strip, I had to go, 'Oh, yeah, you want to f&ck me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go back to this hotel... I drugged n&ggers and I robbed them. That's what I used to do."

Classy. But most strippers aren't Demi Moore in Striptease. In light of her felonious admission, fans starting using the hastag #SurvivngCardiB, like #SurvingRKelly. Well, Ms. B was not pleased.

"So I'm seeing on social media that a live I did 3 years ago. A live where I talked about things I had to do in my past right or wrong that I felt like I needed to do to make a living. I never claim to be perfect or come from a perfect world wit a perfect past I always speak my truth I always own my sh*t."

Bravo. But there's a difference between making a living and ripping someone off and breaking the law.

Minor detail, Cardi Bitch.

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#2 MEL B

No wonder they coined you "Scary Spice"-- cuz we're all afraid of what is going to come out of your mouth! Personal matters are meant to stay personal. Pillow talk occurs at the pillow, and should stay there. And for the love of all things sacred, if you're going to dish about what hot dishes you've eaten, then make sure all parties are okay with it!

The "B" in Mel be should stand for "bomb dropping", since she revealed in a recent interview that she once bumped muffins with fellow Spice Girl, Ginger (Geri Halliwell) Spice.

"She's going to hate me for this because she is all posh in a country house but it wasn't a 'thing.' It just happened, we just giggled at it and that was it. We were best friends. It just happened."

Fine. But don't talk about it, then say Geri won't deny the story. Guess what? She's pissed. And, Mel's own husband wishes she'd keep both sets of lips shut! Meanwhile, Mel B admitted to also kissing Sporty Spice-- but it wasn't sexual.

Can we make her Silent Spice?

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#1 OLIVIA JADE

The privileged, spoiled, delusional offspring of Lori Loughlin is now not speaking to her parents after the college cheating scandal that she's the "innocent victim" of. She's also blaming her parents for the end of her career as a... model? YouTuber? Whatever she does?

"Now that her endorsement deals have fallen through she is very upset with her parents. Olivia blames her mom and dad for this scandal and for the downfall of her career."

First, you're only famous because your parents are. You have a career because your mom's famous eggs got fertilized by your fashion designing daddy's sperm.

Second, your endorsement deals dried up because companies can only associate with assh*les for so long.

Third, if you would've given two sh*ts about college your parents wouldn't have done what they did. Wrong as it is, they love you.

And most importantly, what you do is not a career. You didn't train. You didn't study (obviously). Everything was handed to you, including your ass.

I'd shed a small tear for you, but I'm fresh out of f*cks to give. Enjoy your career of pouting.

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Dingbats & A Douch*bag

2/15/2019

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Offenders for the week ending February 15, 2019:

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#3 CARDI B

It's probably time to make you a Lifetime Member of the slap list, because I think you've made it three out of the past four times. She's just so airhead-ish. She's made the list several times, for saying she had butterflies in her vajayjay (uh, that's 'stomach'). to sharing her cravings for her cheating man's 'sausage', and now... thanking Tom Petty for sending her flowers after her Grammy win.

Wait. He died in 2017. Or did he?

"Thank you Tom Petty for the flowers. I left the room but the flowers were very big. I want to say thank you so much... and the beautiful note."

The note with her flowers read:

"You've got a big heart. so big it could crush this town."

Those are lyrics from the song "Walls (Circus)".

Oops. First of all, again-- he's passed. Second, I'm not sure Cardi even knows who Tom Petty is/was.

Thanks for the laughs, girl. Just keep eating that leather.

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#2 DINA LOHAN

Back in the day-- and in some cases, today-- people got married to each other via arrangement. No courting. No Tinder. No preview-the-package. Just cross your fingers and hope it would all work out. In the modern era, we usually court. Date. Bang. Whatever. This mother of Lindsay has been dating a man for five years. A man she has never met. What the AF?!? She hasn't even FaceTimed him. The Celebrity Big Brother cast member told fellow houseguests:

"I can't wait to tell you about this guy. I've been talking to him for five years... You know when you talk to someone on the phone, like you feel like you know them?"

Uh-huh. Dingbat claims he's real and the reason why they haven't met is because he cannot leave San Francisco to visit her in New York. Because he's taking care of his mother.

"I swear to you he's real. I swear, it's crazy. But i'm going to marry him. It's really, really true. I talk to his mom!"

Okay. So you can't go visit him?

We smell a Catfish here. Or, she's just delusional. Maybe a little from column A and B! If you haven't seen a "picture" of "him" and he "doesn't have an iPhone" so you can't FaceTime, yeah... true love!

I think it's safe to call this chick 50 Shades of Dumb.

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#1 DRAKE

Beefin' with Kanye. Talkin' smack about everyone. And now spittin' in the face of the Grammys. Dude took home some hardware last weekend. And as most celebs, turned his speech into a bunch of self-righteous drivel:

"It's like the first time in Grammys history where I actually am who I thought I was for a second, so I like that. I definitely did not think I was winning anything... I want to let you know we play in an opinion-based sport, not a factual-based sport. It is not the NBA, where at the end of the year you're holding a trophy because you made the right decisions or won the games."

Then he was accidentally cut off. Because he had rambled and then paused. Oh, well. In previous years, Drake has bitched about his lack of acceptance by the Grammys:

"If I ever feel like an outsider, it's usually because I'm not American... I guess maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have quite an eclectic makeup. I am mixed, I am Jewish... at the end of the day, when it comes to everything else, I'm black."

F&ck off. This country is comprised of all kinds of people. And I'm so tired of the race card. Guess what? You don't see any Asians being made famous in movies, TV or music? Guess "yellow" ain't the right color? Where's the equality? Go cry on your millions of dollars and multiple trophies about how friggin' unfair life is. Most of all, just zip your pouty lip and maybe go back to Canada!

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YouBoob

1/25/2019

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Offenders for the week ending: January 25, 2019:

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#3 JOSH CHARLES

I totally forgot that this dude is/was an actor, because his most famous role was waaaay back in "Dead Poet's Society". Guess he's on a couple of TV shows? Anywho, he's a deep thinker. If you don't agree with his left wing politics, meaning you're a supporter of the President, then you suck.

"I'm so sick of this motherf*cker. Just so sick. This needs to end. F*ck him and every single person who continues to support him and his dangerous administration."

So eloquent. And hypocritical. The Left stands for all people, yet if you dare to not agree with its point of view then you open yourself to hate speech, threats, violence. Yes, let's end this danger. Sigh. So cliche.

I'm calling you out for your lack of originality. Just as sparkling as your acting career. BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!

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#2 CARDI B

Apparently, it's all about "the D." The hip-hop artist may soon reconcile with her lying, cheating husband. She recently admitted the thing she misses the most from her hubby is his wang. Not the relationship; not his fine parenting skills-- his ween. The same ween that he slapped some other tramp with.

Cardi B and Offset broke up in December, but then reunited in Puerto Rico two weeks later because she:

"Just had to to get f*cked. That's all."

But sources say she has a really deep love for Offset. How deep? Like, nine inches deep?

If this dude has such a magic rod, then perhaps he should have a residency in Vegas instead of you. If dude cheats on you one time, he'll do it again.

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#1 LOGAN PAUL, social media "star" and YouTube vlogger

This rich kid-turned-celebrity is the epitome of the clueless millennial. Young and unaware. And, sadly, famous for doing nothing because there are so many even-younger sheeple in this world. During one of his podcasts he was discussing something meaningless with a fellow jerk junkie.

"January is sober vegan January... It's male-only March. We're going to attempt to go gay for just one month."

Really? When so many people struggle on the daily with coming to terms with their sexuality, you're going to make it a fun game? This just further proves how vile this thing is. Last year, Paul was called out for a vlog post that showed the body of an alleged suicide victim in Japan. At that time, he was really sorry for what he did:

"It's time to start a new chapter in my life... I'm humbled and thankful to say this is just the beginning."

Of what? Your continued douchebaggery? Well, you've succeeded!

How 'bout you do something really outrageous in March-- act like a human being for an entire day! Betcha can't. Because you are the genetic compilation of every creature's colon. A royal shi*tbag.

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Could It Be, Saaatan?

1/11/2019

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Offenders for the week ending January 11, 2019:

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#3 CARDI B

This chick is a one-woman show. Her breathing air alone provides so much material. From cat-fighting with Nicki Minaj, to saying she had butterflies in her jay-jay, she's golden. This time around, she had to stop her show because of intense twerking. So intense that...

"Anyways, y'all, I need a little break. I'll be right back, I gotta take this wedgie out my ass."

And then she skipped off stage to address what was betwixt her cheeks. I wonder if the jaws of life were needed to help her out? Or does she have a personal ass-istant to address such matters?

Great way to capitalize on this, though. An endorsement with Charmin bathroom tissue.

"Your hiney's so Charmin shiny..."

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#2 JEFF BEZOS

He started Amazon from his garage, sending us boxes of joy. And it appears he couldn't keep his trouser snake out of his friend's wife's box. Whoops!

The gajillionaire is getting divorced from his wife of 25-years. Guess he wanted some south-of-the-border lovin' from TV host Lauren "Dirty?" Sanchez. Great choice. For so many reasons. Especially the one where this chick likes to high-profile date. Who better to bang than the dude who created Amazon? The pair's coupling is the main reason for Bezos' divorce. Kudos for keeping it on the DL for eight months. Not.

The two had been jetting off to exotic destinations, sending sext messages (vurp-- he's no looker), and hooking up in private estates. But this takes the prize-- a rendezvous at the same Boston hotel Jeff's family stayed at when in town for Parents Day at his son's college.

Boo.

You know Amazon's slogan: "Work hard, have fun, make history." Congrats, Skeezos, for being just another typical douche who takes-the-wood to his buddy's wife. Tacky. Classless. Maybe a porch pirate needs to snatch you off this planet.

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#1 CHRISTIAN BALE

We've been doing the slap for a number of years now. But seriously, when did Hollywood become completely un-fun and inundated with complete muff pimples!?!? There must be something in the air these people are breathing, or maybe Hollywood-types are Lizard People, cuz these folks are not rational.

At the Golden Globe Awards, Christian won for his portrayal of Dick Cheney in the film "Vice." Congrats.

During his acceptance speech is when he decided to thank Satan. If actors can insincerely thank God, why not Satan?

Well... I wouldn't want to invoke an evil entity. But that's just me. Perhaps he's already sold his soul to said entity, which would explain why he's even famous.

Is it coincidental that a man named Christian would praise the polar opposite, Satan? Perhaps you're more like Satan than Christ. There was that little incident a few years back where you were accused of assaulting your mother and sister. No Christ-like brotherly love there. Is this just a life-long need to retaliate against your birth name. If you were named Twatski, would you then be living today as a better human being?

Way to go, American A&&hole!

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Three Hoe-migos

10/5/2018

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Offenders for the week ending October 5, 2018:

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#3 DANIELLE STAUB

The Real Housewives of New Jersey cast member is no longer a housewife, and she blames the booze for her unfortunate nuptials. But not her boozing. His.

"It's funny how I saw certain things happening, but you just believe, especially with the perception around us, getting engaged would make it better... getting married would make it better."

Who actually believes that? I mean, seriously. Let's get legally tied to one another, because that'll make me get my shizzola together. NOT! Staub got a temporary restraining order against her hubs when she found him standing in the garage, allegedly drunk, agitated and ready to rumble. He claims she threatened to stab him in the neck multiple times over the past year.

Methinks alcohol was involved in the dating, the wedding proposal, and the stumble down the aisle... so what's the surprise here. Plus, Dani is not known to be the most mentally stable.

Please. Stop marrying. It is you.

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#2 CARDI B

I guess the "B" could stand for "brawler." It's bad enough she made the list a few weeks ago for throwing a shoe at Nicki Minaj at New York Fashion Week. Now, she's been charged with assault and reckless endangerment for the attack at a strip club in Queens. Two 20-something women were attacked

"with chairs, bottles and other items."

Damn! Apparently, Cardi thought one of the two women had "relations" with her husband. So, she ordered the attack. Ah, she thinks she's the brokedown mob. Or, she's auditioning for a Lifetime TV movie.

Again, you're a mother. Stop acting like an idiot! Just proves that money can't buy class. Perhaps you should've ordered a lock for your man's pants.

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#1 LINDSAY LOHAN

This crazy train is off the rails again! Her family's worried about LiLo after she posted a bizarre video in which she accuses some random woman of human trafficking, then tried to snag her kids! WTH?!?! On the video (which has since been removed) she follows the family, then says:

"I just want to show you a family that I met that's a Syrian refugee family that I'm really worried about."

And then she got punched in the face. Ouchie.

Though she was sober sometime before (I don't know what year that was), she's apparently not now!

"The strict drinking rules in Dubai where she has been living have provided a nice cover for her as well as the fact that paparazzi aren't allowed there, so there is less of a chance of her getting caught."

And she owns a night club in Mykonos, because alcoholics should own night clubs. Where they serve alcohol. And other illegal substances might be floating about.

Girl, you are 32 going on one-foot-in-the-grave. Wake up and stop being a f*ck up!

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Bitch Slap

9/14/2018

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Offenders for the week ending September 14, 2018:

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#3 CARDI B

You're a brand new momma, and now you're out fighting like some street cat? No! Cardi supposedly threw a shoe at Nicki Minaj during a New York Fashion Week party. The two have been beefin' for a hot minute, and things reached the tipping point at the event. Nicki has publicly criticized Cardi' parenting skills.

"When you mention my child... make comments about my abilities to take care of my daughter is when all bets are f&ckin' off!"

I get it. Totally. But nearly getting into a brawl is not the solution, and not a good example for the little ones. Yes, Nicki needs to keep her bubble-butt-mouth shut. You getting dragged out of a very public event with your dress torn, swearing and kicking is not cool. You could've sent her a bag of d*cks, box of dog poo, or a cup of STFU.

#TakeAChillPill

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#2 ASHLEY JACOBS, reality TV wannabe star

Yes, a little piece (large piece) of me would love to have that reality TV platform. But I'm not quite sure I'd be willing to sell my soul-- and editorial control-- to make that happen. Hate-ly was first introduced to the reality TV world via Southern Charm where she served as cast member Thomas Ravenel's c*ck koozie. The two are on-again, off-again, and Thomas is off of the show because of those rape "allegations". Well, the psycho princess is begging to be included on the show's next season.

"I wish they (show producers) had the decency to contact me and give me a chance. Because I would like to have a redemption story, the same way Kathryn (Dennis) did. I'm not going to fight and I'm not going to play dirty. I'm going to smile and be nice. I never had the chance to do that on the show because I was so wrapped up in Thomas' drama. I was the villain, but people tuned in to watch. I'd like to give viewers the chance to see another side of me."

Besides the gold digger side? Or the whack job side? Or the hateful, evil side? How many sides you got, Cybil? Your archnemesis Kathryn grew up, got her shizz together because she had everything to lose. She worked hard. Your only work is floppin' on your back. So, bye!

#HiAshley

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#1 SERENA WILLIAMS

Most sports fans aren't fans of umps or referees. And neither are some athletes. Especially when a call is made against them. During the U.S. Open finals, chair umpire Carlos Ramos gave Serena a game penalty for court violation. He claimed she was receiving illegal coaching from her player box during the first set. She said out loud:

"I don't cheat to win, I'd rather lose. I'm just letting you know."

Okay. Many tennis players will spar with the chair ump. But then, she turned it up a notch:

"You will never, ever, ever be on another court of mine as long as you live. You are the liar. When are you going to give me my apology? You owe me an apology? Say it. Say you're sorry... And you stole a point from me. You're a thief, too!"

Gulp.

When the match ended (she lost), she didn't shake the umpire's hand and she continued to demand an apology. Perhaps you were wronged. But your refusal to drop it led the winner-- a young rising star who admires you-- to cry tears of frustration in what should've been her crowning moment.

You're a champion. Act like one.

#Fail

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Float Like a Butterfly

2/2/2018

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Offenders for the week ending February 2, 2018:

"Guess what's in my coooochie?"

#3 CARDI B

There's nothing better than the sweet combo of live TV and diarrhea of the mouth. If you're unfamiliar, Cardi B is the new "it" girl to guest on whomever's song. (She currently lends her rhymes on Bruno Mars' "Finesse.") Maybe she was just so overcome with excitement when E! snagged her for some comments on the red carpet:

"I'm feeling good, I'm feeling nervous, overwhelmed-- everything! Butterflies in my stomach... and vagina!"

Whoa!

Did she mean she was wearing a pair of those butterfly panties with the remote? Are larvae living up in that pink taco?

Y'all better call Terminix, cuz penicillin won't be enough for an infestation.

P.S. You've *almost* ruined butterflies for me...

"Everybody look at me!"

#2 MADONNA

I love handbags. But I don't love them enough to pose topless with one, even if said handbag is mostly "covering the balcony". Madonna was so excited about her Louis Vuitton Montaigne Mona Lisa Bag that she had to pop in a silver "grill", take her shirt off and pose with it.

Just. Stop. Your "shocking" shtick is about as tired as your over-dyed hair. Yawn.

I'm not an ageist, and I know you're proud of your body but it's like: "Oh, tapioca pudding. Again." Please. The only buttons you're pushing at this point are Life Alert.

Can't you just shock us with a picture of yourself in a potato sack? Sigh.

P.S. You've ruined raisins for me forever...

#1 DANE COOK

I was just wondering the other day what ever happened to Dane Cook. Now I know. He's all up in a 19-year-old!

Yup. It's just a 26-year age difference. It doesn't matter, because he is head over heels in L-O-V-E!

"She's a gift. She's my best friend. She's one of a kind."

Awwwww!

Kelsi Taylor is The Dame to The Dane. I get it. You have a lot in common. You sit on the couch and watch VHS tapes of your favorite movies that you rented at Blockbuster on your Curtis Mathis console TV while she's chatting on the her rotary phone with her friends about Luke and Laura's wedding on General Hospital.... No?

At least she's helping him through his midlife re-evaluation. So who is Kelsi Taylor?

"She's a talented singer, but more importantly she's a genuine person. Check out her music to get to know her. She's gonna go far!"

DING DING DING!

It's true love... of your still-breathing name recognition.

Oh, Dane. Your next project should be called: "Dumb F*ck Chuck".

P.S. You're ruined schmaltz for me...

PHOTO CREDIT:
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