Dramatic re-enactments, celebs choking on their own words, and a whole lotta sass! Take a listen to this week's Celebrity Slap!
Offenders for the week ending October 13, 2017:
Dear Dove: I know you want my skin to be as pure as the driven (white) snow after using your product, but your latest ad has left you looking like the driven on snow.
In these hypersensitive times, anything you say or do can be misconstrued as racist, sexist, ageist, so why not have someone triple-check your work before you launch a major ad campaign? In the ad, an African-American woman removes her brown shirt to reveal-- she's a white woman underneath. Have we gone back to 1925? Seriously. Of course, the Internets went cray-cray. Dove's parent company, Unilever apologized:
"As part of a campaign for Dove body wash, a 3-second video clip was posted to the US Facebook page. This did not represent the diversity of real beauty which is something Dove is passionate about and is core to our beliefs, and it should not have happened..."
Duh. It shouldn't have happened. As teech used to say in school: "Everyone, let's put on our thinking caps..."
#2 HARVEY WEINSTEIN
Ah, yes. It's never pretty when brothers hate each other: The Gallagher Brothers from Oasis; The Robinson Brothers from The Black Crowes; Cain and Abel...
Looks like Bob blew the whistle on his brother and the business partner he hates, exposing Harv's misogyny. Oh how the douchey fall hard. After decades of pay-offs and grab-assery, Harvey has been outed for sexually harassing, and even raping, actresses. And everyone kept it quiet because men and women want to work in Hollywood. It's a vicious cycle that's been around since the beginning of time-- sexual extortion. I'm not surprised at all at his behavior. Repulsed, yes. More so because this beef sniffer has daughters. Daughters! How would you respond if your little girl was asked to watch a dude shower against her will, or if she were forced to watch him juggle his fruit bowl?
You're pathetic, an affront to your gender, to those that have power that's not abused. Of course in an effort to gain sympathy, this scum biter has checked himself into rehab for "sex addiction." Please. I'm so over this misused buzz phrase that predatory swine like you are tossing out to excuse your tossing off. Some people truly have an issue. You, on the other hand, do not.
Glad your wife left you. Hopefully, you won't see your children, either. And... if the stars and planets align and justice is served-- you'll face prison time... And some fellow deviants that would love to give you the "broom handle greeting."
#1 A TRIFECTA OF TW@TS: NENE LEAKES, WENDY WILLIAMS & DONNA KARAN
Women are the worst. For real. Women are downright nasty to other women. I'm amazed at women who proclaim to be feminists and advocate for women's rights who take no time tearing another woman down. Case in point-- this trifecta.
Let's start with Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member NeNe. Guess her new thing now is a try at standup comedy. Well, just because you can throw shade and flap your gums doesn't mean you're funny. But I digress. She got heckled by a female. And because she's unpolished and isn't funny, she couldn't take it. So, she told the woman: "I ain't even gonna tell you about the goddamn Uber driver. I hope he rape yo' ass tonight when he take you home, bitch." Classy. This from a woman who's been the victim of sexual assault. But she's sorry.
Then, there's big-mouth Wendy Williams. Here's her commentary on the woman who claims rapper Nelly forced her to have unprotected sex: "If she did not put herself in that situation, this wouldn't have happened. Young lady, you've got to stay out of tour buses." Would I hang out on a musician's tour bus? Hell no! Not unless I expected to do something sexual. But that doesn't not make it right to take advantage of someone because they're on a bus. Oh, Wendy's sorry for what she said.
Lastly, designer Donna Karan. She's totally on Harvey Weinstein's side. Women are to blame when they're harassed or attacked. "You look at everything all over the world today and how women are dressing and what they are asking just by presenting themselves the way they do. What are they asking for? Trouble." Hope you're designing burqas now, otherwise, everyone's gettin' rapey! And you guessed it, Donna is sorry for her comments.
Here's a thought I'm not sorry about: F*ck off.
Offenders for the week of September 28th, 2015:
This week's Slapees will be assigned a trending topic based on their offense.
#3 GAVIN ROSSDALE
Say goodbye to that amicable divorce! Gavin is demanding a multi-million dollar divorce settlement. What a toolbag! He's complained that while wifey Gwen Stefani was launching her successful clothing line, doing the music thang, and appearing on The Voice, he stayed home with their three children.
Uhmmm... isn't that called PARENTING!?!?!?!
Sorry your acting and post-Bush music career tanked. Oh, and let's not forget about how you hid from Gwen-- until after you married her-- that you had a lovechild with some skankster.
Even though Gavin is worth $20 million, Gwen is worth $120 million... and since they didn't have pre-nup, well.. you know. Douche isn't even worthy of her soiled tampons....
Your trending topic: #SomeoneFindMyBalls
#2 WENDY WILLIAMS
OFFENSE: Pot Stirrer
Some people just live for the drams. And some create it. Wendy is notorious for stirring the pot, blind-siding guests on her show with what she deems controversial, hard-hitting questions.. And now, she's accusing reality TV star Kim Zolciak-Biermann of faking a stroke so she wouldn't have to perform on Dancing With The Stars. As much as we all know that reality TV-types will do anything to stay relevant, I should hope that one would not invite that kind of bad karma. And speaking of bad karma, enjoy it when someone calls you a shim. Oh, that's already happened.
Your trending topic: #CheckIMightHaveBalls
#1 SANDRA BULLOCK
I'm not confident in Sandra's man-picking abilities. Things are moving quickly with new BF Bryan Randall. So much so that she's moving him into her million dollar home-- to shack-up with her and her ailing 91-year-old dad. But that's not all. Because she wants to bond more with Bryan, she's decided to buy her favorite local bar so they can do something together. Aw, how sweet! The price tag? $10 million. Because making a recipe from Pinterest was too... average? Yikes!
Sandra, Sandra, Sandra. Have you not learned from that faux pas named Jesse James. That lying, cheatin' dbag you called a husband? Protect your ass and your assets, girl.
Your trending topic: #BetterOffMakingNiceWithATennisBall
Gavin Rossdale https://www.flickr.com/photos/jessicasarahs/
Wendy Williams https://www.flickr.com/photos/celebrityabc/
Sandra Bullock https://www.flickr.com/photos/gageskidmore/
About The Slap
I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)