Offenders for the week ending July 20, 2018
#3 THE FAT JEWISH
There are some days that I feel deeply in my soul that Kris Jenner is the anti-Christ. Seriously. We're inundated with all-things-Kardashian (and Jenner) because brokered the deal for Kim's "vaginal invader video." So let's not help this family gain more notoriety! That means you-- The Fat Jewish!
Mr. Funnypants has set up a GoFundMe for Kylie Jenner so that she can become the world's youngest self-made billionaire. Right now, Kylie is only worth $900 million. Boo-effing-hoo! He's trying to raise the $100 million to put her over the top.
"I don't want to live in a world where Kylie Jenner doesn't have a billion dollars."
Even though you're doing this in jest... don't. For the love of all things sacred, stop stirring the pot! The sheeple will make it happen!
Mr. Funnypants has set up a GoFundMe for Kylie Jenner so that she can become the world's youngest self-made billionaire. Right now, Kylie is only worth $900 million. Boo-effing-hoo! He's trying to raise the $100 million to put her over the top.
"I don't want to live in a world where Kylie Jenner doesn't have a billion dollars."
Even though you're doing this in jest... don't. For the love of all things sacred, stop stirring the pot! The sheeple will make it happen!
#2 THOMAS MARKLE
At first, I had compassion for this man. Now, I fully realize he's just an opportunistic penis wad. Yes, your daughter Meghan married Prince Harry. Yes, you missed her wedding. Yes, you haven't been a part of her life for a long while. Yes, you need to go away. This dude has a serious case of the verbal runs. In an exclusive interview with The Sun, daddy believes the pressures of being a royal is already taking its toll on his little girl:
"I see it in her eyes, I see it in her face and I see it in her smile. I've seen her smile for years. I know her smile. I don't like the one I'm seeing now."
He doesn't like the archaic rules and protocol of royalty and thinks Meghan is being suffocated:
"Why in 2018 are we dressing like the 1930s? Why do they have to cover their knees?
True. I don't think a knee has inspired a stiffy, but-- the royals don't want sexualized at all.
And guess what? He's a bit miffed that he can't profit off his daughter, while others can sell items with her likeness on it. Sigh.
"The reason I am being shunned is because I made a profit on the staged pictures."
Zip yo lip, Pops! And to you "journalists" out there-- stop paying this mother fungus to spew!
"I see it in her eyes, I see it in her face and I see it in her smile. I've seen her smile for years. I know her smile. I don't like the one I'm seeing now."
He doesn't like the archaic rules and protocol of royalty and thinks Meghan is being suffocated:
"Why in 2018 are we dressing like the 1930s? Why do they have to cover their knees?
True. I don't think a knee has inspired a stiffy, but-- the royals don't want sexualized at all.
And guess what? He's a bit miffed that he can't profit off his daughter, while others can sell items with her likeness on it. Sigh.
"The reason I am being shunned is because I made a profit on the staged pictures."
Zip yo lip, Pops! And to you "journalists" out there-- stop paying this mother fungus to spew!
#1 BRUCE WILLIS
The debate has raged on for years-- is "Die Hard" a Christmas film. Bruce says:
NO!
How dare ye speak such filth? Bruce gave his opinion after his Comedy Central roast, so perhaps he was bent a bit. Because he's clearly lost his mind. Even the screenwriter says the film can be considered a Christmas movie.
Here's my argument:
1. The movie centers around John flying to Cali to spend time with his corporate wife for CHRISTMAS. He meets her at the office at the company CHRISTMAS party.
2. We hear Run-D.M.C.'s "Christmas in Hollis" in the movie.
3. Uh, remember that classic scene where McClane takes out a baddy and writes "Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho" on the baddy's sweatshirt?
4. We hear all kinds of sleigh bells!
Eat it, Willis.
NO!
How dare ye speak such filth? Bruce gave his opinion after his Comedy Central roast, so perhaps he was bent a bit. Because he's clearly lost his mind. Even the screenwriter says the film can be considered a Christmas movie.
Here's my argument:
1. The movie centers around John flying to Cali to spend time with his corporate wife for CHRISTMAS. He meets her at the office at the company CHRISTMAS party.
2. We hear Run-D.M.C.'s "Christmas in Hollis" in the movie.
3. Uh, remember that classic scene where McClane takes out a baddy and writes "Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho" on the baddy's sweatshirt?
4. We hear all kinds of sleigh bells!
Eat it, Willis.
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