We suggest to each slappee a self-help book (if it truly existed) that befits their offense.
"Khloe, you got to lose weight cause you're really hurting the brand."
"I understand that was coming from my management side of my family, but it does hurt."
Really, momager Kris? Perhaps your jacked face doesn't help the brand. Unless your brand includes something that induces vomiting. Then you're golden.
I'd check yourselves, Kardashians. Even though O.J. denies siring Khloe, I wouldn't mess with his now-littler girl. He always has a bunch of Ginsus at his disposal.
Your self-help book: Think and Grow Bitch(es)
It's fun taking selfies and posting them with little descriptions. Except when you make a Nazi reference... and you try to make Nazi stuff cool. Like your outfit is "Nazi Chic."
BWAAA HAAAA not.
The social medias tore. Her. Up.
"The problem here is that you live in a spoiled bubble. Things don't offend you because you're extremely lucky awful things haven't happened to you. But for those of us who had family affected by the holocaust, one of the worst things to happen to people, your jokes aren't funny."
She's got the career lifespan of a motherf&cking roach. Ugh.
You're great at soul-less snark, but you suck at being a human. Good luck with that.
Your self-help book: How to Lose Friends and Infuriate People
We've heard of coffee enemas, but this... THIS is quite different.
A coffee spritz. In your butt.
For just $135, you can snag "The Implant O'Rama"! This is what it looks like:
Promotes: "health, detoxification, and longevity."
Actually, our bodies are made to handle whatever comes down the pike (or is that pipe?), so no caffeine-power-wash is needed.
I hope Starbucks doesn't get into the Tush Espresso biz. Or Rump Roast Blends.
Your self-help book: The Vag Less Traveled (unless it's steamed...)