Flushed Cheeks

​Offenders for the week ending May 8, 2020:

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#3 MAMA JUNE

You can take the gal out of the redneck zone, but you can't take the redneck... you know what I'm sayin'. Mama June is a disaster that has profited from pimping her Honey Boo Boo to reality TV stardom, as well as herself, but her fame turned to infamy-- and apparently June needs some cash.

She's launched her official website (which only has one good picture of her from those long-ago days when she dropped a few lbs.) and has an option for her "fans" to pay her $50 for a customized video message. Drop $15 and she'll send a text. Uhhmmmm. No thanks. Sadly, some other rednecks would love to get a greeting from this alleged drug user/seller who dated an alleged pedophile who then allegedly attacked one of her daughters. You seriously want a message from this POS? 

Her existence kinda ruins the month of June...

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#2 ELON MUSK & GRIMES

Cool that you want to downsize your life, E, and get back to simpler ways because $38 billion is a burden. Don't know if I could handle it (insert eye roll.) When you're the child of famous people who have a lot of money, it's okay to have an "interesting" name. Because you don't have to live in the real world. But to name your child a series of letters and symbols? Glad you have enough money to pay for therapy! Grimes is apparently Elon's mid-life crisis flavor because she's... "interesting"... The couple welcomed their first child, a boy named: X Æ A-12

Ralph is such a lovely name. Oh, wait. What in the af is his name? Grimey elaborates:

" X  is the unknown variable. Æ, my eleven spelling of Ai (love &/or Artificial Intelligence).  A-12 = precursor to SR-17 (our favorite aircraft). No weapons, no defenses, just speed. Great in battle, but non-violent + (A = Archangel, my favorite song) (metal rat)."

Good. Lord. Because Elon Jr is too normal.

What should we expect from a man named Musk and a chick with a name that makes me think "dirt"?

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#1 HODA KOTB & SAVANNAH GUTHRIE

Matthew McConaughey is McConahottie for a reason-- because he's hotttttt. And Hoda and Savannah aren't immune to his sizzle. The two apologized for making comments off air about His Hotness-- comments he heard. And it wasn't even naughty at all. Savannah conveys what she said during a commercial break:

"I'm going to bring you in (Hoda) to say hi to Matthew. And (Hoda) said, 'Alright, but if something's going on with you two, and it's great, you don't need to bring me in.' And I said, 'Well yeah, if there's some magic happening, then I won't.'"

And then two made some comment about virtually making out with him. Lame and tame. I would've said:

                       "I'd like him to play my ass like those bongos he loves to bang..."

Amateurs. Anywho, we're not going to slap you. We're going to spank you. Because we know you two vixens need some discipline. Wink, wink.

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