Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Ballin’

6/25/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 25, 2021:

#3 KELLY DODD, Former Cast Member/Real Housewives of Orange County

There are raging psychos. And there's Kelly-Dodd-raging-psycho. Known for her cut-you-to-the-bone meanness and delusions of whatever, she's been booted from the franchise. But she's going down swinging. She lashed out at also-ran from the O.C., Braunwyn Windham-Burke, and Shahs of Sunset cast member Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi. The beef started when GG dissed Kelly over her firing on social media:

"... out with the a&& and in with the class!"

Kelly then shot back that she had no idea who GG was because she never watched that show. Then, GG called Kelly a racist for slamming the "first-ever" show about Middle Easterners on an American network.

And in true Kelly fashion, she defended her racism by reminding everyone that she's mostly Mexican and Native American." Oh, and in Kelly Move #2, she's threatening to sue.

Can we sue you for being an idiot?

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#2 CHRISSY TEIGEN

Our favorite woke-princess-ass pimple remains on the list this week, but slips to number two-- which is fitting, because she's a sh*tty person. After Michael Costello came out last week with his own story of bullying from Titgen, she and her hubs (John Legend) cried foul-- claiming that Michael lied and falsified DMs and emails. Because he has nothing but time on his hands to fake stuff. Possible...

Then, Cameroonian singer Denica claims Bitchy became aggressive with her at the 2016 Grammy Awards-- shoving her twice at the event. Denica's assistant whipped out his phone to record video of Denica-- not Chrissy, who was kind of nearby-ish. Chrissy went all I'm-a-famous-person-don't-look-at-me-unless-I-want-you-to crazy and tried to grab the phone, pushing the assistant and Denica. After Denica was done walking the red carpet, Chrissy shoved her again.

Yes, Chrissy. You're famous. But really, you're more famous for having big boobs and marrying John. You're not that special. In fact, you're a person that no real person would want to associate with. You're beautiful on the outside, and ugly as sludge on the inside.

Keep up your bullying ways, and soon your legend will become felonious...

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#1 CARMELO ANTHONY

Why do people get married when they can't keep their genitals to themselves? Seriously. While most of us were sheltering in place last year, Carmelo's ween wasn't in quarantine. He got himself a side chick in New York and got her preggo, using the line that he was married but really single, and that his wife (actress La La Anthony) was "doing her own thing."

Oh, sure.

The unnamed woman planned on having an abortion, but Carmelo didn't go to the appointment with her, so... fast-forward to April when she gave birth to twins in London. Why London? Cuz Carm was trying to hide his surprise family. So why not ship them overseas? He put them up in a home, and he's footing the bill-- but, he doesntt want to be involved in any child-raising. Because he has a son with La La.

And after rumors of cheating in the past, and this latest "incident", La La has pulled the plug on their 11-year marriage.

Carmelo and his "rolo" need to be on lockdown.

P.S. Apparently, he's a "baller" in many ways...

Douchefecta

10/23/2020

Offenders for the week ending in October 23, 2020:

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#3 JAY CUTLER

Guess the next thing this dude will be throwing is a turd in his diaper. WAAAAAH! Former average pro QB Jay is upset that his wife has potentially moved on with another man since their divorce. Kristen Cavallari was seen smooching with comedian Jeff Dye. Oh the humanity!

"He's not happy seeing her move on."

Oh-effing-well. That's what people do after a breakup. And since you weren't really a good guy during the marriage-- all unsupportive while suckling off your wife's financial teet-- you really have nothing to say now. Zero. Plus, you're a hypocrite. Rumor has it you're taking snaps from Tomi Lahren. It's okay for you to move on, but not your wife. Example #1,005 while you reek of vinegar.

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#2 KELLY DODD, Real Housewives of Orange County cast member

If only adults acted like adults and not big children. Kelly is the perfect example of this, and opening her large trap before thinking. She's a cut-you-to-the-bone mean bitch. 100. In recent slap-worthy moment, she posted a video to social media calling her ex-husband Michael a deadbeat dad. In front of their daughter. Classy.

"Jolie, aren't you glad you have a real dad like Rick Leventhal (Kelly's new husband) instead of your father, Michael, who you haven't seen in how long?"

The 13-year-old child answered it'd been 5 months. We get it. Michael is a known asshat. The two of you have literally been at each other's throats, so much so, that a restraining order was filed against you until you agreed to therapy and alcohol treatment.

Move. On. You're remarried. Your kid already knows her father might be douche-y. But he's still her father. And-- KEEP YOUR DRAMZ OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA. We don't need to see every little thing. But thank you. Because all of you celebrities provide so much material for me each week.

You can be classy. It's in there somewhere. Perhaps under one of your Botox-ed cheeks.

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#1 JAKE PAUL

I hate that we even live in a time where there is such a thing as a "YouTube Star". But since we do, and there are...

Jake is everything that encapsulates the millennial stereotype. He's entitled. He does what he wants to do. And he's rewarded for his bad behavior by the flocks of sheeple out there. And he's got a ton of money. Which makes him even more insufferable. Dude was busted earlier this year for throwing a massive party in Calabasas. Whether you agree or not with the COVID restrictions-- they exist in Cali. And they will bust you.

Fast forward to now and he threw another party. And it was chronicled on social media. Crowds dancing. No masks. Because it's his birthday. So everyone should recognize!

What a joke. Gathering with the intention of trying to catch and spread COVID while having your birthday. Awesome. You'd think a guy who had his house raided by the FBI would be a little more careful... Wait. Since it's not confirmed you have a brain, thinking may not actually occur.

Why can't an asteroid crash his next party?

Keeping It Reality

5/29/2020

Offenders for the week ending May 29, 2020:

A big problem with the world? "Reality" TV "stars" are considered stars. But hey-- they provide good material. And... I'd take some Reality TV stardom. Think of all the things I'd say in those confessionals! LOL

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#3 LALA KENT, Vanderpump Rules cast member

Life in QT can be difficult for couples, especially if one person has a flamethrower personality like LaLa. She revealed in a recent podcast with fellow VPR castmate Stassi that she got into such a terrible argument with her fiance Randall Emmett that she almost moved back home to Utah! Egads!

"He does this thing-- I'm sensitive-- so if he pokes at me, like, if I feel like someone's telling me I'm not giving them enough love or like I need to pay more attention, I feel like instead of it being like, 'Oh, OK I need to give more love', I take it as, like, a personal attack."

She was so upset she was crying in her Gucci (sigh, who cares about ugly over-priced shizz) duffle bag while packing a few things to leave. But she didn't leave. LaLa said she'd never break up with Randall.

But she did end her engagement two times. And who would leave all that older-man-Hollywood-money? I mean, the man gifted her with a Land Rover after their first date ended in her playing the skin flute.

Toot Toot.

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#2 DORINDA MEDLEY, Real Housewives of New York City cast member

You can dish out the piles of shizz, but you surely can't take it. Poor Dorito is all upset at fellow castmate Ramona Singer, saying she hasn't been there emotionally for her. Ramona simply stated a fact on a recent episode that Dorinda "takes people down all the time."

#TruthHurts

"I felt like Ramona was a little insensitive to me for what I was going through this year. I needed a soft place to land, and I needed her to be more of a soft place to land than I felt she was being."

WAAAAA! How ironic you want compassion when all you do is cut people to the bone. Your inexplicable hatred for castmate Tinsley Mortimer is repuslive, You are the ultimate mean girl, with a big dose of Karen thrown in.

How 'bout the "soft place" you land is someplace in QT for life?

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#1 KELLY DODD, Real Housewives of Orange County cast member

I get it. It's hard to determine what info is accurate and what info is not when it comes to COVID. But to downplay concerns in general makes you look like a heartless tw@twaffle. She was all excited on her social media when she ventured out to go shopping at a mall and eat dinner at a restaurant. She said:

"No one is wearing masks in Orange County, because no one is dying of the virus."

Uhmmm... people are dying of the virus. A fact that you so verbally vomited two weeks ago.

Wear a mask. Don't wear a mask. Your choice. Do more people die from the flu and other diseases, accidents, whatever per year? Sure. But 100,000 people have died from COVID. Maybe that's not a big number to you in a nation of 331-million-ish. But if one of those fallen was a relative or a friend? You'd be crying what a tragedy it is and crying out for "something to be done!"

This is your third strike. Three times you've been a complete ween about this. Three times you've shown your complete lack of humanity. Sometimes it really is okay to zip it. Your mouth and your legs. Can we evict you from the planet now?

Hoof in Mouth

5/15/2020

Offenders for the week ending May 15, 2020:

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#3 KHLOE KARDASHIAN AND MASON DISICK

Khloe and her nephew, Mason, decided it would be funny to prank his momma Kourtney (Kardashian) by TP-ing her house. While such a prank is usually performed by high schoolers and frat boys, the two wanted to have some fun. Well, all of the internet was peeved at these two for being tone deaf for wasting a valuable commodity such as TP in these "unprecedented times." Some even accused them-- including Kourtney-- of purposely doing this to anger the lower and middle class people. Like, "look at us, we so rich we make it rain TP up in here while your beloved Walmart is out of stock."

I really don't believe they intentionally tried to tell us peasants to eff off. I just think they live in their own world-- one of no cares, so they don't care how things appear. So, we shall slap some sense into them. HA HA, yeah... that's not possible.

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#2 VAL KILMER

He claims he's not an egomaniac, but someone sure sounds like their ego is large-and-in-charge! He confessed that the real reason he left the Batman franchise is because he felt fans were more interested in the caped crusader's flashy gadgets than with his fine acting. Sigh.

Warren Buffett and his grandkids visited Val on the set of "Batman Forever" in 1995. But they were more interested in checking out the Batmobile than meeting Val-- the guy playing Batman.

"That's why it's easy to have five or six Batmans. It's not about Batman. There is no Batman."

Waaaaa! The gadgets are way cool. Deal. It isn't all about you, Val. Just ask Maverick.

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#1 KELLY DODD, Real Housewives of Orange County Cast Member

Look. I'm not taking sides in this whole COVID thing: is it as horrible as they're saying? Are we being lied to? Blah, blah, blah. No mater what your stance is, it's important to have respect for others and a civil tone when presenting "your case". Kelly is a big-mouthed, hothead who says the most vile things without provocation. Methinks she also spews to ensure a job, but whatevs.

Are there more deaths per year from the flu? Yup. But to say this, well:

"Well, people are going to die! I'm sorry to tell ya!"

#True. People are going to and have died from COVID. Perhaps it's the tone and the flippant nature of your comment. Tone, people, tone... And it's not the first time she's shared her unsolicited thoughts on the pandemic. In April she said this was:

"God's way of thinning the herd."

Please secretly be a cow... The irony...

Quaranweenie

3/20/2020

Offenders for the week ending March 20, 2020:

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#3 TAMRA JUDGE, former Real Housewives of Orange County cast member

Grown people aren't necessarily grown-- as in mature. And Tamara has always been one to prove it. She took to social media (of course) to blast follow cast member and now former friend Shannon Beador for re-kindling a friendship with Kelly Dodd-- current cast member and perpetual nasty shade thrower.

"Fake friends are like a shadow. They follow you in the sun but leave you in the dark."

That was followed up with an unfollow of Shannon.

You're a grandmother. Not a high schooler. Mending fences is something we should try to do, right?

Perhaps you're angry that you were fired from the show, er, "decided to leave" the show. But Kelly and Shannon are still taking home that big paycheck... Hmmmm...

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#2 JUAN PABLO GALAVIS, former The Bachelor contestant

Proving you can't keep a dick down, Juan Pablo has opened his mouth to fit both of his feet into. He was known as the villain of the entire franchise (until Barb Weber took his crown), and he's proving why he earned that title and why he's a complete cooch donkey. He can't stop throwing shade at the new Bachelorette Clare Crawley-- the runner up on his season of The Bachelor.

Why? Because 22 of her potential suitors are in their 20s, and she's making headlines for being 38 and looking for love. He tweeted:

"I just SAW the GUYS for @Clare_Crawley Bachelorette season and its gonna be INTERESTING seeing HER get hit on by KIDS on their 20s. I think this MIGHT be the 3rd season Im gonna watch."

Clare responded: "And yet here you are, older than 99% of them and still can't practice compassion and kindness."

Ouch.

You're just upset that she told you what's-what on your season. Burn...

P.S. ABC is recruiting more age-appropriate fellas for Clare. Happy?

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#1 GWYNETH PALTROW

If you're gonna get COVID-19, you might as well look fresh and fab! Gwynie takin' heat for being "tone deaf" in the midst of this pandemic because GOOP just had to push their annual "fresh sneaker guide," while other lifestyle gurus (self-proclaimed like G or actual real ones) are trying to bestow upon us valuable information/tips/ideas. From her Instagram:

"Most days you'll find GP wearing G.Label with a pair of sneakers-- which is one reason we make it an annual tradition to put together a fresh sneaker guide each year. Get ready to cover some serious ground (run, don't walk.)"

Sigh. Can I get a roll of toilet paper with each shoe at least?

Perhaps your snazzy sneaks can get you into Wuhan. Seems like a good place for a GOOP-er to vacay...

Maybe her brain has been quarantined... permanently.

Spoiled Meat

4/26/2019

Offenders for the week ending April 26, 2019:

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#3 TAMRA JUDGE AND KELLY DODD, castmates on the Real Housewives of Orange County

The only qualification needed to be a "real housewife" of any of the franchises has nothing to do with wife-ing. Catfighting. That's the only thing you need to be able to do. These two cougars who were friends, then weren't friends, then were, are not now. The two refuse to film with each other after a terrible fallout. Kelly allegedly pushed her own mother down a flight of stairs. At least that's what Tamra is claiming.

"Kelly has had some issues with her family in the past, but she has never pushed her mother down the stairs. Her mother even said that on-camera..."

Kelly is known for her hot-temper and going for the jugular. Wouldn't be surprised if she did push her momma down some steps. Bitch has anger issues. And Tamra... well, she's been known to drop a bomb or two.

Anywho, these two need to chill. But I guess if you're counting on a paycheck, you need to make some drama. Happy clawing!

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#2 MEGAN FOX

For whatever reason, the actress shared a silly photo of Shia LaBeouf from the set of Transformers-- a movie in which the two starred in. The caption from Megs was so sweet:

"Once upon a time 13 summers ago..."

Awwww. The two dated 13 years ago. But she's married now. And someone's momma. While this wasn't a cozy picture of the two of them, there were no other pics you snapped from Transformers that you could've shared to commemorate your entry into Hollywood?

Not cool. No matter how open you and your mister are about past liaisons, why share it? Yes, you're a celebrity. And yes, your dalliances have been archived and displayed in the media. There's no need to rehash. My hubs knows all about my exes, but I would never think of sharing a memory picture of any of them. If I even have any pictures of those fools...

#awkward #tacky #exforareason #respectyourspouse

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#1 VINNY GUADAGNINO, castmember of Jersey Shore

During a recent interview, Vinny was asked what his "body count' number was-- as in, how many babes did he "bag" over the years. His response:
"I really have no idea... more than 100 and probably higher than 500. It could be over 1,000."
Vurp.
"You've got to understand, I've done these, like club appearances when I was on the show. So, like, three nights a week you're in a different city, traveling around the country, things happen.

OMG! You don't win a prize! You don't get a gold medal for Poon Pilfering! You get an angry, warted "rooster" that wants to beat the ever-loving sh&t out of you for abusing him!

"But I've slowed down a lot. Like now, I'm going back to my room, going to watch Netflix -- I want to just chill, I don't want to be in bed with somebody if you don't want to wake up to them the next morning and talk to them."

I'm surprised your Richard hadn't filed for divorce years ago!

Your name should be Weenie Gangreendingo...

Ballin’

Douchefecta

Keeping It Reality

Hoof in Mouth

Quaranweenie

Spoiled Meat

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