Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Sixth Senseless

1/29/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 29, 2021:

#3 PAMELA ANDERSON

Usually, "quitting" isn't encouraged. In this case, you need to quit with the whole "marriage" thing. Pamela just got married for a 6th time. Everyone else is saying five, but she did "marry" Jon Peters last year because she needed someone to pay her debts. Anywho, the latest train down the Pam track is Dan Hayhurst-- her bodyguard. They fell in love during the lockdown. How cliché and convenient. Kinda like the plot for "The Bodyguard"... Surely, they had no prenup because she has no money. But who needs money with all that love floating around?

The intimate ceremony happened on Christmas Eve. No family or friends were present, but everyone gave their blessing. The bride was not wearing white (we're assuming.)

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#2 DALE MOSS, former Bachelorette "winner"

We all knew when Bachelorette Clare Crawley "blew up" the show, leaving four weeks into her season with Dale that things might not (wouldn't) be "happily ever after". Especially after host Chris Harrison did that follow-up interview with the couple and asked what the next steps were and she maniacally squealed: "Baaabieeeeees!" And Dale looked like a deer in headlights.

Last week, Dale and Clare called it quits because they basically weren't on the same page. According to Clare, Dale's public statement of their split was the first time she heard they had split. Say what?

"I was made aware of a 'mutual' statement at the same time you all were, so I've needed some time to really digest this... I am crushed. This was not what I expected or hoped for and am still trying to process this."

If this is true, damn! Not the way to break up with someone. Buuuut, Dale claims both were aware of their issues. This is why you don't try to find "true love" on reality TV.

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#1 IOAN GRUFFUDD

I don't know how to pronounce this guy's name, nor do I care. So let's call him "Dick". Because that's exactly what he is. The "Fantastic Four" star and his wife are finished. Poor Alice Evans was blindsided:

"My beloved husband/soulmate of 20 years, Ioan Gruffudd, has announced he is to leave his family, starting next week. Me and our young daughters are very confused and sad. We haven't been given a reason except that he 'no longer loves me'. I'm so sorry."

He's now your "holemate", honey. As in "asshole".

After two decades, he's walking away? You know this fool probably got some of that "magical" tang and is all lusty and stupid. Good riddance. Dry your tears with all his money and go find a "toy" that will satisfy you without all the drama. Meanwhile, douse your husband's mangina in some honey and let some fire ants crawl all over him....

Leaked

10/2/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 2nd, 2020:

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#3 DEMI LOVATO

They dated for four months before getting engaged. Now, Demi has dumped Max Ehrich after a two-month engagement, which means the relationship burned after six months. Yes, my head hurts over the whirlwind-ness of this deal:

"They were basically together 24/7 for months. They lived in a bubble with zero stress, and everything was just fun. Now they are both working and are on separate coasts. They were having conflicts."

Oh...

"In the beginning, Max was super careful about self-promotion (and ) things with his career, but once they got engaged, he really hit the gas pedal and wanted to make the most out of his career opportunities. He felt more comfortable doing so after they were fiancees and had a little bit more of a leg up."

So, she broke it off. And he found out from a tabloid story!

Come on, girl. I love ya, but you could've at least dumped him via text. If he was a complete asshat, then you should've spelled out "It's Over" with his stuff and then set that shizz on fire...

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#2 VANESSA MARCIL

Maybe she's looking to drum-up some acting gigs... Brian Austin Green's baby mama went public with support for Brian's soon-to-be-ex Megan Fox. She said:

"I actually have respect for how (Megan) is finally living her life for herself & leaving her children out of her public life at this young age."

Cool. But methinks her support is actually passive aggression, because she hates (dick)BAG:

"(he's a) very angry/sad human being who still has too much shame to take full responsibility for his actions as a father."

Damn.

Oh, and then she publicly said she never loved him. Really? Because you were engaged to each other. Perhaps she's still displeased that after her breakup with Brian, he started dating Megan and those two got married. Yes, you had an ugly custody battle. But continuing to drag doesn't help.

Zip it. Your kid will figure out on his own if his dad is a douche or not.

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#1 NENE LEAKES, soon-to-be former Cast Member/Real Housewives of Atlanta

Each of these "Housewives" series has a standout "star". NeNe has worn that crown since Day 1. But, she's no longer on the show (again), so people are talking about it-- like the show creator, Andy Cohen, and her "kind-of best friend" Wendy Williams. Wendy is a frequent slapee, known for opening her big mouth way too wide. She had this to say about NeNe's departure:

"NeNe has quit the show several times and you'll have her back (Andy Cohen). NeNe likes attention, dramatic attention. I don't know what (she's) going to be doing for money."

#Truth. Wendy also said that NeNe is no Bethany Frankel, who was a former New York housewife who turned her brand into a multi-million dollar empire. Well, this set NeNe into full pop-off mode on the socials:

"Both ther f ratings are LOW! Bye QUEENS. She on coaine so they should stop using her to talk! They both need my help with their poor ratings! I have ALWAYS believed in multiple streams of income so the Leakes are good, you ole cocaine head and you ole racist. No one knew you until YOU knew me. Remember I'm ICON."

?

Uhhhmmm... you're no icon. That's for people that have accomplished something worthwhile and memorable. You became famous because of this show. You've been afforded all kinds of opportunities because of Andy Cohen putting you on his show. You were a stripper who married an older man for his money. Then, you became ass-clownic.

Know where you came from and be grateful-- if you're able. It's gonna hurt not making the near-million dollars per episode. Maybe you should get up on that pole again...

Rah Rah Wrong

9/25/2020

Offenders for the week ending September 25, 2020:

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#3 KRISTEN DOUTE, former cast member/Vanderpump Rules

It really sucks when reality bitch-slaps a bitch and removes you from reality TV. Kristen and Stassi Schroeder will no longer make a paycheck from the show, after their false allegations of criminal activity involving an African-American cast member they didn't like backfired in their faces. And past racists comments made on social media added fuel to the fire. Well, Kristen wants the world to know that they weren't fired:

"They (Bravo TV) chose not to renew our contracts. That was their decision to make."

Girl, that's code for "fired" in the entertainment biz. Terminated. Shown the door. You. Were. Fired. With your lying, skeevy ways, and Stassi's penchant for mean-girlness at every turn, I'd say Karma made a visit.

Time to become a softcore porn star...

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#2 DINA LOHAN

Love is grand. Especially when it's with a real person. A person that you get to spend time with. Right, Dina? Oh, wait. Your sitch is a little... different. Dina took to the socials to thank her fiancé, Jerry Nadler, for helping her get her mind and body into shape. Because she loves him like she's loved no other. And:

"No one has ever been such a powerful influence on me and I thank god for bringing me him."

Awwww! Vomit!

Dina and Jesse have known each other for six years, after meeting on Facebook. Oh, did I mention that these two have never been in the same room with each other? They chat and facetime, but they live on separate coasts. Because he supposedly is caring for his mom... Did I mention he mailed her the engagement ring?

Yeah. Catfish-ish true love. And this bimbo has a podcast (named "Listen to Me, OG Mama D) in which she gives advice, among other things. The only thing she's the OG of is being a complete dumpster fire.

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#1 JERRY HARRIS, star of the Netflix docuseries "Cheer"

The breakout star of the show is in the hottest of waters, under arrest on production of child pornography charges. Fourteen-year-old twin brothers claim Harris harassed them online and in-person for over a year at cheer competitions when they were 13 and Harris was 19. Varsity Brands, a prominent company within the cheerleading community, reported Harris to police after he allegedly asked once of the twins to have sex with him during two of the company's competitions in 2019.

Varsity barred Harris from their brand for life.

Harris claims he's innocent, though he admitted during an FBI interview that he asked one of the teens to send him photos and videos of his junk and backside on Snapchat.

Okay...

Disgusting. What you've done (allegedly) has scarred these boys for life. You're not even good enough to be a used tampon.

Perhaps you'll share a cell with Jared Fogle one day... Cheer(s) to that.

The Wang That Got Away

9/11/2020

Offenders for the week ending September 11, 2020:

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#3 NAOMI CAMPBELL

Gifts are one thing. Loans are something different. So, when someone lends you money, you need to pay it back. But Mizz Brokedown Diva doesn't embrace that concept. People want their money back. Even ex-lovers. Billionaire businessman Vladislav Doronin has filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against Naomi because she refuses to pay back money he loaned her. And... she still has some of his stuff that's worth more than $3 million.

Side note: What does she have of his that's worth this much? A Golden toothbrush? Chinchilla slippers? A rando yacht?

I'm sure she's gonna plead ignorance, since he lavished her with gifts and trips during their 5-year relationship. She reportedly dumped him because he was too caught up in her celebrity life. Surrreeee....Maybe the gift you gave him something itchy on his hang-low.

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#2 JANE FONDA

It's great if you're still enjoying the baloney pony well into your twilight years. But... we don't need to hear about it. Or follow you down memory lane as you revisit your times in Schlongsville. Yeah, that means you, Jane Fonda. During an interview with The New York Times, she denied that Argentine revolutionary Che Guevara was "the one that got away" sexually. Gag. Her actual deepest regret?

Marvin Gaye

You know, Mr. Sexual Healing. She said:

"He wanted to and I didn't."

Because she was married at the time. Kudos for having somewhat of a moral compass, though I'll never forgive you protesting our soldiers who fought in Vietnam. Bitch. Anwyho... this final crusty nugget:

Nobody wants to even imagine your DAP (Dusty Ass P&ssy). Bye!

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#1 JUAN PABLO, former The Bachelor bachelor

Never having watched his season, but hearing all about him-- I completely understand why he's considered the franchise's biggest villain. He's the entire bag of small, sweaty dicks. He had to take to social media to slam the promo for Clare Crawley's season of The Bachelorette because it features footage from his season. The season in which Clare sprouted a pair and put this douchebag back in the Summer's Eve box.

"Interesting PROMO of @Clare_Crawley and the season of@BacheloretteABC, 6 years LATER and I know WHO is the Juan that can't get OVER Juan...Would LOVE if you take a GUESS? P.S: Clare got over LONG time ago, just in CASE."

WTF is this tweet with all the rando ALL CAPS!?!?!?

Lemme translate: Juan Pricko thinks Clare is still in love with him. BWAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA! She told you to sit down after you told her that you didn't love her, but loved "f&cking her". So, she walked away from the show as one of the finalists because you're a dirty Juan.

Mic drop.

Monster Mom

3/13/2020

Offenders for the week ending March 13, 2020:

One person takes the whole damned list this week. Why? Because she's that much of a hot mess. She's not famous, but infamous. And she's been memed, so she officially is a celebrity.

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#3, #2, #1 BARB WEBER, mom of The Bachelor Peter Weber

AKA Mom from Hell. Potential MIL from Hell. Hell on Wheels.

We all thought "Karen" was bad. Momma Weber is worse. She'd make "Karen" ugly cry. For days. Now, Bachelor Nation fully understands why Peter is an emotional mess and is attracted to the drams-- because his mom is bat-sh*t cray cray. The tears this woman has shed on the show. The emotional plea to "bring her home to us!!!" The crying when Peter got engaged to a woman he then dumped a month later... and those are the mild moments.

Barb became the biggest villain of The Bachelor franchise when she spewed her venom at the live finale. From the eye rolls, to body-shaming Madison by calling her a "twig", to flat out saying that Peter (her son, remember?) needed to "fail to succeed."

"All his friends, all his family, everyone that knows him knows that it's not going to work."

With Madison. See, Peter was torn between Madison and Hannah Ann. Madison made it clear to Peter that she was uncomfortable with his being intimate with the other final two contestants because she is a Christian who is saving herself for marriage. After a tough decision, Madison left the show-- which left Hannah Ann standing-- and getting proposed to by Peter. His mom luuuuuuves Hannah Ann. Because she banged him. And she's sweet. But Madison is a horrible person because she is standing strong on her morals-- which apparently is a bad quality. What mom encourages her son to be a man-ho, or shames a person for having standards? Barb does. Take a seat, "Karen." Peter and Hannah Ann broke up, and Madison is back in the picture. Because he loved her, too. Hard to keep straight, right?

The Bachelor live finale divided the Weber family with Peter saying his family needs to zip it and accept that he loves Madi. And I'm sure that Barb and her whipped husband, Peter Sr. had a fight after the show because-- in Spanish (they are from Cuba)-- she asked her husband to say something bad about Madison.

Wow! You were mic-ed up. Duh! Plus, a lot of us speak Spanish these days. Busted!

On top of all of this, instead of supporting her son-- Satan's Sister has invited past contestant Kelley out to lunch and "shopping" with her. Because she's better for Peter than Madison.

Madison-- run. Peter is not good enough for you, plus you can see your miserable future as their DIL.

Peter-- you're 28 with a full time job. Move out of your parent's house and get off your momma's teet.

Barb-- STFU

Greybar Full House

1/24/2020

Offenders for the week ending January 24th, 2020:

After a holiday and illness hiatus, the slap hand is ready to get back to work!

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#3 LORI LOUGHLIN

From "I'm sooo innocent" to, I need to protect my azz, Aunt Becky's getting ready for prison life. According to an insider:

"She's knuckling down, learning the lingo and practicing martial arts to give off the impression she's tough and to ward off potential bullies... Besides the physical training, she's getting lots of advice from prison professors on how to earn one's keep behind bars."

She best learn how to trade smokes and commissary privileges for a good night's sleep. Or get her scissor skills down. Oh, but she and the hubs are innocent of conspiracy to commit mail fraud, honest services fraud, money laundering, and federal programs bribery.

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#2 SHAMIN ABAS

Who? Yeah. She's not really famous. But she's infamous now-- seeing that she's Matt Lauer's new GF. WTF? A person close to the situation offered this gem:

"She knows who he is. She's thrilled she's with him. She doesn't seem to have a care in the word."

Guess she's Camille Cosby in the making. You know-- all denial-turn-a-blind-eye to what their asshat men are up to. Supposedly, this wannabe Mrs. is a public relations chick and longtime friend of Matt and his ex-wife Annette Roque. Oh, she looks like Annette's twin by the way. Not creepy af. Oh, and there's this tidbit-- Charmin and Matt were linked romantically in 2005. Matt was married to Annette at the time. So, she's just as skeevy as Lower.

May your Venus Fly Snatch forever enjoy the beef jerky that is your lover...

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#1 WENDY WILLIAMS

Why is this wenchbag wealthy and famous? And who watches her damned talk show? Her mere existence is offensive, but this time around she has offended those that have/had a cleft lip. Recently on her show, she was explaining how she was strangely attracted to Joaquin Phoenix calling him "oddly attractive". She loves his "piercing eyes", and then critiqued a scar on his upper lip. Then she said:

"He's got one of those-- what do you call it? Cleft lip, cleft palate."

She then hooked her finger under her lip, mimicking a cleft lip.

Needless to say, a lot of folk were fired up. When are people going to learn? But she said she's sorry and donated (allegedly) money to cleft lip causes. Because that will make it all better. We suggest she just disappear herself.

Not What You Think

11/29/2019

Offenders for the week ending November 29, 2019:

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#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Real Housewives of New Jersey reality TV star

You'd think that after going to jail for nearly 15 months for some shady money dealings, girlfriend would've learned to walk a straight line. She's been hit with a $13,000 tax lien. That's in addition to the $73,000 she owes the IRS. Surely fighting your hubby's deportation has been costly, but you still need to take care of business. The government takes its time in getting you that refund, but immediately wants the money you owe. Isn't Bravo paying you enough? And all that shilling you do on the social media?

Pay. Yo. Bills.

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#2 JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

WTF J.T.? Two-timing your wife, who says she's too sexy to get any acting jobs? Justin was spotted holding hands and getting schnuggie with Alisha Wainwright at a bar in New Orleans. The two are co-starring in the film Palmer. Sources say JT was a little crunk and was holding hands with Alisha for support. That's all. Mmmkay...

"Several cast members were there and it was just a cast gathering. Nothing remotely romantic is going on with Justin and Alisha. The whole cast is shooting out there and like to hang out together. They were very much in public and nothing inappropriate was happening."

Yeah. Not at the bar. Doth protest-eth too much...

So the leg-stroking on her part was an ancient hangover cure? Oh, and he must've left his wedding ring somewhere...

Guess he's vringin' SexyBack (to the back door?)

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#1 BILL COSBY

For the record, he's not sorry for sexually assaulting Andrea Constand because he never did it-- therefore, no remorse. In his first jailhouse interview he said:

"That whole jury thing. They were impostors."

Okay. He believes jurors had already made up their minds before hearing testimony. Oh, and he believes he's going to serve all 10 years behind bars (he's 82) because the parole board is:

"... not going to hear me say that I have remorse."

So what you're saying is you're not the one who drugged a slew of women and assaulted them? Or are you saying someone else framed you by using your "pudding pop" to assault them. What a frame job. Pfffft. It's amazing how a P.O.S. can believe their own lies. And that includes your stupid, enabling, equally rape-y wife.

A Match Made in Hell

10/11/2019

Offenders for the week ending October 11, 2019:

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#3 RONNIE ORTIZ-MAGRO

The Jersey Shore star and his girlfriend Jen Harley have been on-again-off-again, and it's best that these two keep the switch off. These two are the definition of toxic. So, props for trying to keep your family together (yes, they reproduced), but it's now time to part ways permanently. Ronnie was arrested after allegedly threatening Jen with a knife after they shared a kiss and made an appearance at his CBD launch party.

"Suspect and victim were involved in some kind of physical altercation... Officers had to use a taser (on Ronnie)."

Dude has been in-and-out of rehab. And now he faces 5-7 years if convicted. I thought CBD was supposed to be calming... Oh, if it's not mixed with drugs that cause you to act like a complete asshat.

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#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Why? Why do you want to reconcile with that cheating douchebag ex of yours, Tristan Thompson?!? Yes, you have a daughter that you're trying to raise together. Kudos. But he's lower than a snake in the grass. He's a snake lookin' for ass 24/7!

"Tristan has showed more of an interest. He seems to want more than co-parent with Khloe. It seems Khloe has moments when she is toying with the idea of getting back with Tristan."

You've forgotten he cheated on you with your sister's best friend?

Don't. Do. It. Because before you know it, his ball(s) will be in someone else's court...

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#1 JUSTIN BIEBER AND HAILEY BALDWIN

So, Justin has continued to proven his Christ-like ways and maturity... not! Once a spoiled nut fungus always a spoiled nut fungus. His manager has been in a very public feud with Taylor Swift. Justin has publicly defended him. By taking shots at Taylor. True to form. But instead of keeping his mouth shut and moving on, he must now continue to take shots at Tay Tay.

Taylor posted a video of herself having a post-surgery meltdown. Whatevs. Justin decided to videotape himself mocking her. You can hear his wifey poo poo laughing while recording. Of course, Tay fans were not happy with this. A day later, Hailey apologized. But not really:

"I never knew I could make somebody so upset. Truly, I'm so sorry you're THIS upset!?! Lord have mercy I hope I'm never this upset about someone I don't know!!"

Uhmmm, fans are rabid about their people. Just as some will defend you two idiots. The point is, you two speak of "love" and "no hate", but you two are petty bottom feeders with a lot of money and zero class.

These two taint hairs are meant for each other. Two soulmates in hell.

Mani Above All Else

9/27/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 27, 2019:

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#3 ASHTON KUTCHER

Demi Moore has written a scathing autobiography, and girl is spillin' all the tea! In fact, she blames threesomes for her divorce from Ashton Kutcher:

"I wanted to show him how great and fun I could be."

Uhmmm... there are other ways to show your "fun side". Guess Ashton used the three-play as a free pass to cheat. You know, since he technically "cheated" in said threesome.

Demi, you get slapped for a poor decision. Ashton, you get slapped for being an asshat.

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#2 MILEY CYRUS

What in the af are you doing? You break up your marriage with the person you considered to be your best chance at "for life" partner status for Kaitlynn Carter-- only to break up with her a month later. I could care less if you love a man, a woman, a sheep. But you're irresponsible with your vaj. breaking hearts and spanking asses ain't the way to live-- unless you're a dominatrix. Weren't you a dom at one point? Anywho, guess this is no longer true:

"Miley and Kaitlynn are on the same page, which is why they work so well together. (Miley) can totally be herself with Kaitlynn."

Rumor has it that things were getting too serious and Miley didn't want that. Please, Cyrus Virus. Seal that vault between your legs.

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#1 KIM KARDASHIAN

When they call childbirth a "miracle" it's because it is. Because so many things can go wrong for conception to world entry. But, some people are too superficial and shallow to think-- at all. It came out recently that Kimmie delayed her first child's birth by two hours because she needed to get a manicure. What in the af?!?

While eating a McGriddle and getting a bikini wax, her doc called her and said she had to deliver North immediately because Kim had preeclampsia. But then she looked down at her nails and just couldn't deliver her baby in such sub-fab conditions!

"And my nails were, like, dark. It was when I was still in my Lincoln Park After Dark phase of nails or like my Burgundy nails. And I was like, 'Oh, no no, I'm having a girl. I really need a nice light pink nail for delivery.' So I told the doctor, 'Are you sure I have to deliver right now? Can you give me like two hours?' And he was like, 'Fine, meet me in two hours.'"

I mean, we get it. Your appearance is far more important than your health or your baby's. NOT! Who the f*ck is looking at your hands during delivery!?!?!? And since you're the queen of Photoshop, one of your lackey's could've changed your nail color.

Not only is this true-life story completely asinine, but you have no clue at what a vapid dumbass you really are.

I Wanna Be a Billionaire

9/13/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 13th, 2019:

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#3 KYLIE JENNER

This is a preemptive slap, as in: don't eff things up so I have to slap you for legit reasons. Kylie was recently bestowed the honor of being the youngest self-made billionaire. Granted, all the Kardashians and Jenners owe Momma Kris for shopping Kim's buck-naked film for lots of cash and too much reality TV time. But I digress. Her family lovingly teases Kylie for being so damned rich:

"When we're in a group chat talking about where we should go for a trip, they're like, 'Kylie? You going to pay for it?'"

HA HA HA! Oh, the ribbing wealthy folk must endure!

We're excited when we can pay off our Carnival cruise beforehand. Just make sure your money is well-invested so you don't end up like MC Hammer or Lindsay Lohan.

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#2 LORI LOUGHLIN

In a "DUH!" moment, Aunt Becky admitted that she should've taken a plea deal like Felicity Huffman did in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. Sources say she didn't realized the seriousness of the situation. Seriously?

"Lori was inclined to take the deal, but Mossimo said it would ruin both of their careers."

Uhmmm....
1. Damage done.
2. Jail time is better than a plea deal?
3. I thought you thought you were innocent...

Well, they are innocent. In their world. They believe they're being targeted for their wealth. Your wealth-- and throwing it around-- is what got you into this mess to begin with so, eff off.

Maybe Mossimo can design some fetch accessories for your orange jumpsuit.

#1 CHARLIE SHEEN

Oh, Charlie. You've been scary and entertaining throughout the years. From #Winning, to Tiger's Blood, to Heidi Fleiss-- the ride that is Charlie has been interesting. But one thing that's not forgivable-- not living up to your responsibilities. Ex-wife Denise Richards has taken Chuck to court, claiming he owes $450,000 in back child support.

"Charlie has squandered over $24,000,000 from the sale in his interest in Two and a Half Men to pay his personal debts and to support his extravagant lifestyle at the expense of support payments for his children."

The hot mess is also accused of diverting more than half-a-million dollars to family members (apparently, other than his children) to hide it. Charlie responded via social media:

"D and her legal posse traffic only in fiction. My day in court is painfully overdue. She is behaving like a coward and the truth will prevail."

So eloquent. So bullsh*tty.

Not sorry you have two children with Denise and two with your other ex-wife-- in that case you claim you can't get work. Why? Because of your own damned self. You can keep doing the wrong things when it comes to yourself, but you need to do the right thing when it comes to your kids.

Who's the real coward?

#NotWinningDadofTheYear

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Sixth Senseless

Leaked

Rah Rah Wrong

The Wang That Got Away

Monster Mom

Greybar Full House

Not What You Think

A Match Made in Hell

Mani Above All Else

I Wanna Be a Billionaire

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