Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

LaNo!

10/30/2020

Let's raise our slap hands and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending October 30, 2020:

#3 SHIA LABEOUF (his actress GF Margaret Qualley, and her sister Rainey)

This trio of freaks are getting slapped (they'd probably like it) for being... creeptastic. Rainey is a musician filming a music video for her song "Love Me Like You Hate Me". Mmmmkay. Anywho, Margaret and Shia star in the video as a couple in a toxic relationship. And as people do in relationships, they do each other. Which required full-frontal for this video and choreographed sex scenes.

Fine. It's art, right? But the creep factor is that sister Rainey wants to see her sister get bango-ed by her schlong-slinger? And Margaret is cool with it? Methinks these two sisters are really close...

I. Can't.

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#2 YOSEF ABORADY, former contestant from The Bachelorette

The villain of this installment of the series has been shown the door. He may be the epitome of douchebaggery, and that's saying a lot since we are surrounded by douches in general. And it's not because of his behavior on the show, it's because it's no act. This guy reeks of asshole-ness. Reeks!

Carly Hammond shared with the world that Yosef DM-ed her after he got home from filming the show. They talked regularly, met in person, but she ended things. After a cooling-off period, she was ready to talk to him about what went wrong. But, before she had a chance, she received a Snapchat video of Yosef waxing the string bean and saying how he wanted to "eff" her. Oh-- the video was meant for someone else. But he sent it to Carly.

#Loser

But there's more, kids! Yosef realized his gaff, unfriended her and then lied and said his account logged out and did the unfriending. Sure. Then Carly blocked him on the 'Chat, but he still stalks her through a social media account he started-- for his dog.

So. Lame.

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#1 LILY JAMES

Some woman are just dirty hoes. Lily is one of them.

Her affair with married actor Dominic West wasn't her first foray into matrimonial man meat. A new story says she was the one who broke up Armie Hammer's marriage. Armie's wife, Elizabeth Chambers, discovered texts from a mystery woman on his phone. At the time, he was filming a movie with Lily. The texts were signed "Adeline"-- the name given to Lily on the film's call sheet. Needless to say, wifey was crushed. But, she went to couple's therapy with Armie-- and they planned to renew their vows. That's until Elizabeth received a salacious text from a strange phone number.

Seems that Rated NC 17 text was intended for Armie. Or was it? Why would Lily have Elizabeth's number-- unless she wanted "caught" and wanted to steal some Armie Hammer time? What a complete dumpster.

Guys are not the brightest. Dick thinking gets them in so much trouble. But Lily seems to target dumb dick thinkers, so... shame, shame. Or maybe her vajeen emits some sort of potion that knocks the sense out of grown men.

Probs not. Most likely it's just a scent of... sourdough. You know how men love bread!

#Yeasty

Douchefecta

10/23/2020

Offenders for the week ending in October 23, 2020:

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#3 JAY CUTLER

Guess the next thing this dude will be throwing is a turd in his diaper. WAAAAAH! Former average pro QB Jay is upset that his wife has potentially moved on with another man since their divorce. Kristen Cavallari was seen smooching with comedian Jeff Dye. Oh the humanity!

"He's not happy seeing her move on."

Oh-effing-well. That's what people do after a breakup. And since you weren't really a good guy during the marriage-- all unsupportive while suckling off your wife's financial teet-- you really have nothing to say now. Zero. Plus, you're a hypocrite. Rumor has it you're taking snaps from Tomi Lahren. It's okay for you to move on, but not your wife. Example #1,005 while you reek of vinegar.

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#2 KELLY DODD, Real Housewives of Orange County cast member

If only adults acted like adults and not big children. Kelly is the perfect example of this, and opening her large trap before thinking. She's a cut-you-to-the-bone mean bitch. 100. In recent slap-worthy moment, she posted a video to social media calling her ex-husband Michael a deadbeat dad. In front of their daughter. Classy.

"Jolie, aren't you glad you have a real dad like Rick Leventhal (Kelly's new husband) instead of your father, Michael, who you haven't seen in how long?"

The 13-year-old child answered it'd been 5 months. We get it. Michael is a known asshat. The two of you have literally been at each other's throats, so much so, that a restraining order was filed against you until you agreed to therapy and alcohol treatment.

Move. On. You're remarried. Your kid already knows her father might be douche-y. But he's still her father. And-- KEEP YOUR DRAMZ OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA. We don't need to see every little thing. But thank you. Because all of you celebrities provide so much material for me each week.

You can be classy. It's in there somewhere. Perhaps under one of your Botox-ed cheeks.

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#1 JAKE PAUL

I hate that we even live in a time where there is such a thing as a "YouTube Star". But since we do, and there are...

Jake is everything that encapsulates the millennial stereotype. He's entitled. He does what he wants to do. And he's rewarded for his bad behavior by the flocks of sheeple out there. And he's got a ton of money. Which makes him even more insufferable. Dude was busted earlier this year for throwing a massive party in Calabasas. Whether you agree or not with the COVID restrictions-- they exist in Cali. And they will bust you.

Fast forward to now and he threw another party. And it was chronicled on social media. Crowds dancing. No masks. Because it's his birthday. So everyone should recognize!

What a joke. Gathering with the intention of trying to catch and spread COVID while having your birthday. Awesome. You'd think a guy who had his house raided by the FBI would be a little more careful... Wait. Since it's not confirmed you have a brain, thinking may not actually occur.

Why can't an asteroid crash his next party?

Mrs. Felon

10/16/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 16, 2020:

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#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former cast member of Southern Charm & Known DB (douche bag)

The former reality TV star and forever felon is actually going to walk down the aisle. With his second baby momma. He had two kids with Kathryn Dennis, who remains a "star" of Southern Charm. Welp, he had another kid with another chick, and supposedly she's worthy enough to earn the ring. So much so, that he's not getting a prenup:

"Not with this one. No need."

Riiight... But you might have a point. Because as Kanye said so poetically:

"18 years/18 years/Got one of your kids/Got you for 18 years."

Why get a pre-nup when you have the fruit-of-you-loins nup. This marriage might last 10 months. If they ever make it down the aisle. Guess she's okay that he's a convicted felon. It was just running drugs, so not so bad?

By the way, are orange and orange your wedding colors?

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#2 PORSHA WILLIAMS, cast member of the Real Housewives of Atlanta

Fellow castmate Cynthia Bailey's bachelorette party took quite a wild turn, and Porsha was perhaps front and spread-eagle center for all of it. Sources say there was girl-on-girl action, and a couple of ladies enjoyed the pleasures of a male stripper-- at the same time.

Word on the street is that Princess P gave her "p" to fellow cast member Tanya Sam and that the two of them are the ones that paid the male stripper with pie. Porsha is in denial, as always, since she apparently has her sights set on B.O.L.O. The Entertainer. But what about her baby-daddy-one-time fiancé, Dennis? Oh. They're off again. While she's getting off on anything with a pulse.

Whatevs.

What happens at the BP (Bachelorette Party) stays at the BP. Unless you're filming for the upcoming season... oops. Just own it! You're a wild child ready to ride whatever!

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#1 DOMINIC WEST

He's currently filming "The Pursuit of Love" with Lily James. The two were spotted in Rome recently kissing, sharing an electric scooter, lunching-- romantical stuff. Oh, wait. He's married. Been so for 10 years and 4-kids. Yeah... His wife saw the receipts and is crushed. Meanwhile, his tramp-in-waiting Lily dumped her relationship of 5-years.

But just the other day, Dummydick and wife Catherine staged a photo op for the press outside their home-- kissing for photogs and holding up a sign declaring they're still very much together.

Uhmmm... perhaps you both need slapped.

Dominic: This is 2020. There are cameras everywhere. And those phones everyone has takes really good pictures. And, you're a celebrity. So people watch you. And wait for your wang to get out of line.

Catherine: This dude got caught red wankered cheating on you. He's a complete stain. What did he say to you to make you stick around? That he's sorry? Did he put a Kobe apology ring on it? Hopefully, he put a mask on his hang-low so you won't catch crotch COVID.

Show Me the Muffin

10/9/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 9th, 2020:

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#3 MAX EHRICH

DIdn't know much about this dude until he got engaged, and then un-engaged to Demi Lovato. Now, this dude is just feeling his feelings all public and stuff. Demi dropped him two months after they promised to say "I Do". Her people claim that he was using his elevated position in the spotlight to advance his career. Max claims she used him. Oh, snap!

"I thought I found the real deal. Now I found out that I was used. But I hope the song ("Still Have Me") is No. 1 because you know what? If that's what someone wants in the material world, here you go, you have it."

So... Demi dated you, got engaged to you, then dumped you so she'd have fodder for a song? Pfffft. We get it. Your man ego is bruised. Suck it up and STFU!

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#2 LANA DEL RAY

The singer had a book signing over the weekend for her new poetry book, "Violet Bent Backwards Over The Grass", and fans weren't too happy with her meet-and-greet fashion. A mesh face mask. Pretty. But ineffective-- though one fan claimed her mask did have a filter. Oh, sure. I hear the shear filters are the best. (said sarcastically)

But Lana doesn't give two COVID droplets about masks because:

"We were born to die."

Deep... And technically true. But reckless. I get it. You're all intellectual and poetic and more evolved than the rest of us. But actually, you're an idiot. Perhaps "Dumb Phuckus With Head Up Ass" should be the title of your next poetry book...

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#1 MARIAH CAREY

We're disappointed in your memoir, "The Meaning of Mariah." Cuz you've not dished about anything we want to hear about. Like, why you and Eminem hate each other. Or, why you never mentioned your current ex-fiancee James Packer. Sure, your whole premise is:

"If it was a relationship that mattered, it's in the book. If not, it didn't occur."

Just like so many people amongst us, just because you deny it happened doesn't mean it didn't actually happen. But, whatevs. But the biggest shocker was from a recent interview in which she revealed that she and James never knew each other carnally.

WTF!?!?

So. Many. Questions.

Did dude assume that her vajeen is just as golden as her voice, so no test drive needed? Or did Mariah say 'yes' under the premise that she thought she could keep the ring? Oh, wait. She tried to. But he threatened to sue her, so... that failed.

Perhaps the only size she was concerned about was his bank account-- which is porno-size huge.

Leaked

10/2/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 2nd, 2020:

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#3 DEMI LOVATO

They dated for four months before getting engaged. Now, Demi has dumped Max Ehrich after a two-month engagement, which means the relationship burned after six months. Yes, my head hurts over the whirlwind-ness of this deal:

"They were basically together 24/7 for months. They lived in a bubble with zero stress, and everything was just fun. Now they are both working and are on separate coasts. They were having conflicts."

Oh...

"In the beginning, Max was super careful about self-promotion (and ) things with his career, but once they got engaged, he really hit the gas pedal and wanted to make the most out of his career opportunities. He felt more comfortable doing so after they were fiancees and had a little bit more of a leg up."

So, she broke it off. And he found out from a tabloid story!

Come on, girl. I love ya, but you could've at least dumped him via text. If he was a complete asshat, then you should've spelled out "It's Over" with his stuff and then set that shizz on fire...

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#2 VANESSA MARCIL

Maybe she's looking to drum-up some acting gigs... Brian Austin Green's baby mama went public with support for Brian's soon-to-be-ex Megan Fox. She said:

"I actually have respect for how (Megan) is finally living her life for herself & leaving her children out of her public life at this young age."

Cool. But methinks her support is actually passive aggression, because she hates (dick)BAG:

"(he's a) very angry/sad human being who still has too much shame to take full responsibility for his actions as a father."

Damn.

Oh, and then she publicly said she never loved him. Really? Because you were engaged to each other. Perhaps she's still displeased that after her breakup with Brian, he started dating Megan and those two got married. Yes, you had an ugly custody battle. But continuing to drag doesn't help.

Zip it. Your kid will figure out on his own if his dad is a douche or not.

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#1 NENE LEAKES, soon-to-be former Cast Member/Real Housewives of Atlanta

Each of these "Housewives" series has a standout "star". NeNe has worn that crown since Day 1. But, she's no longer on the show (again), so people are talking about it-- like the show creator, Andy Cohen, and her "kind-of best friend" Wendy Williams. Wendy is a frequent slapee, known for opening her big mouth way too wide. She had this to say about NeNe's departure:

"NeNe has quit the show several times and you'll have her back (Andy Cohen). NeNe likes attention, dramatic attention. I don't know what (she's) going to be doing for money."

#Truth. Wendy also said that NeNe is no Bethany Frankel, who was a former New York housewife who turned her brand into a multi-million dollar empire. Well, this set NeNe into full pop-off mode on the socials:

"Both ther f ratings are LOW! Bye QUEENS. She on coaine so they should stop using her to talk! They both need my help with their poor ratings! I have ALWAYS believed in multiple streams of income so the Leakes are good, you ole cocaine head and you ole racist. No one knew you until YOU knew me. Remember I'm ICON."

?

Uhhhmmm... you're no icon. That's for people that have accomplished something worthwhile and memorable. You became famous because of this show. You've been afforded all kinds of opportunities because of Andy Cohen putting you on his show. You were a stripper who married an older man for his money. Then, you became ass-clownic.

Know where you came from and be grateful-- if you're able. It's gonna hurt not making the near-million dollars per episode. Maybe you should get up on that pole again...

LaNo!

Douchefecta

Mrs. Felon

Show Me the Muffin

Leaked

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