Offenders for the week ending August 31, 2018:
#3 ED SHEERAN
How could you marry in secret, Eddie? Sure, your nuptials would've been a complete circus...but methinks this would've surpassed the royal wedding. Of course, many adoring ladies might call your wedding the funeral of their fantasies. But seriously, Ed was being interviewed about his upcoming Apple Music documentary when he was asked about his wedding plans. That's when the multi-platinum, multi-gajillionaire played coy-- and pointed to a silver band on his left ring finger!
Mr. Ed never wanted a big ol' thang anyways:
"I don't like large groups of people at the best of times. I never wanted a wedding that was loads of people."
Fine. I guess I'll just have to keep the Target gift card I was going to send you.
#YourLoss
Mr. Ed never wanted a big ol' thang anyways:
"I don't like large groups of people at the best of times. I never wanted a wedding that was loads of people."
Fine. I guess I'll just have to keep the Target gift card I was going to send you.
#YourLoss
#2 TAYLOR HANSON
The 35-year-old and his wife announced they're having baby #6. I guess when he's not making music with his brothers, he's making-time with his lady love. Wow!
"Baby Hanson coming in December and we are over the moon."
Apparently, somebody's "full moon" got someone knockered up! You are the real-life Brady Bunch. Congrats. I guess your "slap" is to make sure you're not deliriously reproducing. But I'm afraid a slap might turn you on, and then I'll be writing about baby #7...
I wonder if MMMBop is some kind of ovulation-earthquake song resulting in the creation of many boppers. It is a catchy tune...
#SpermBop
"Baby Hanson coming in December and we are over the moon."
Apparently, somebody's "full moon" got someone knockered up! You are the real-life Brady Bunch. Congrats. I guess your "slap" is to make sure you're not deliriously reproducing. But I'm afraid a slap might turn you on, and then I'll be writing about baby #7...
I wonder if MMMBop is some kind of ovulation-earthquake song resulting in the creation of many boppers. It is a catchy tune...
#SpermBop
#1 EDDIE MURPHY
Speaking of catching things... did y'all drink from the same fertility cup?!? Cuz, Eddie is going to be a father for the TENTH TIME! He and longtime girlfriend Paige Butcher are expecting their second child together. Eddie has five children over the age of 20, two teenagers, a pre-teen, a toddler, and one on the way. So there's a 29-year age gap between kid #1 and yet-to-be-born kid. My head hurts... but, hey-- Eddie is all about the kids:
"The brightest part of my life is my kids. My world revolves around them."
You have a basketball team, and a second string! Maybe he's all Old Testament and thinks he needs to keep the human race going...
Perhaps your next movie role should be "The Nutsack Professor".... since yours is so... bountiful.
#FruitOfYourLoins
"The brightest part of my life is my kids. My world revolves around them."
You have a basketball team, and a second string! Maybe he's all Old Testament and thinks he needs to keep the human race going...
Perhaps your next movie role should be "The Nutsack Professor".... since yours is so... bountiful.
#FruitOfYourLoins
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