Offenders for the week of November 17, 2014:
#3 BEYONCE'S MOMMA, TINA KNOWLES
OFFENSE: WTH?
Momma's boot-knockin' partner, Richard Lawson, is Scientology-friendly. And Bey is not too thrilled about it. She's afraid momma's gonna get sucked into the bizarro "religion". It seems the couple is growing closer, with Richie attending Solange's recent wedding. Don't knock it, B. Maybe Richard has an out-of-this-world "Jupiter" in his pants. But I doubt it since he's all down with the Nanu-Nanu. I don't know. What I do know-- Beyonce is not happy that Dick is in her mom's... life.
#2 MICHAEL PHELPS
OFFENSE: No offense, really. But...
This is just a teachable moment, because how could you know that your lady friend had both sets of parts south of the border? GF Taylor admitted that she was born David Roy Fitch, and chose to go female sometime... in her 20s. Maybe he did know. He's been known to like a good party, so why not a multi-gender party in his/her pants. Oh, and another confession from his lady. She says they met on Tinder in August, hung out at his place to watch a Ravens game, then had "relations" during halftime. Perhaps he wanted to see her Breaststroke; She wanted to see his Butterfly; There was a near "false start". (See what I did there with the swimming terms?) He was goin' for the Gold; She was going for the "Gold-nads", and the rest was history.
#1 FABIO
OFFENSE: Fabric assaulter
Our beloved F-level pop culture icon was caught on camera working out. In. A. Thong. Vurp. As a woman and a thong supporter, this is not appropriate workout gear for a looooooong list of reasons. All that lunging and squatting with that butt floss splitting his buns in half! Perhaps he likes the feel of having his jewels encased in a tight, abrasive sack. Or maybe he's auditioning for a Gold Bond commercial and was trying method acting. His "fruit bowl" is surely going to wither from the heat and friction from said thong. Taint that a shame?
OFFENSE: WTH?
Momma's boot-knockin' partner, Richard Lawson, is Scientology-friendly. And Bey is not too thrilled about it. She's afraid momma's gonna get sucked into the bizarro "religion". It seems the couple is growing closer, with Richie attending Solange's recent wedding. Don't knock it, B. Maybe Richard has an out-of-this-world "Jupiter" in his pants. But I doubt it since he's all down with the Nanu-Nanu. I don't know. What I do know-- Beyonce is not happy that Dick is in her mom's... life.
#2 MICHAEL PHELPS
OFFENSE: No offense, really. But...
This is just a teachable moment, because how could you know that your lady friend had both sets of parts south of the border? GF Taylor admitted that she was born David Roy Fitch, and chose to go female sometime... in her 20s. Maybe he did know. He's been known to like a good party, so why not a multi-gender party in his/her pants. Oh, and another confession from his lady. She says they met on Tinder in August, hung out at his place to watch a Ravens game, then had "relations" during halftime. Perhaps he wanted to see her Breaststroke; She wanted to see his Butterfly; There was a near "false start". (See what I did there with the swimming terms?) He was goin' for the Gold; She was going for the "Gold-nads", and the rest was history.
#1 FABIO
OFFENSE: Fabric assaulter
Our beloved F-level pop culture icon was caught on camera working out. In. A. Thong. Vurp. As a woman and a thong supporter, this is not appropriate workout gear for a looooooong list of reasons. All that lunging and squatting with that butt floss splitting his buns in half! Perhaps he likes the feel of having his jewels encased in a tight, abrasive sack. Or maybe he's auditioning for a Gold Bond commercial and was trying method acting. His "fruit bowl" is surely going to wither from the heat and friction from said thong. Taint that a shame?
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