Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Royal A-Hole

4/30/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 30, 2021:

#3 RONNIE ORTIZ-MAGRO

Reality TV stars are not really stars. But they are. Even though many are just glorified degenerates. Like this Jersey Shore ween breath. While on probation for a previous domestic violence incident last year, Ronnie finds himself potential facing another charge. Apparently, there's some shady shizz going on here, because Ronnie tweeted this:

"I take all experiences as lessons. You learn who really cares about you when your down and out and than you see who doesn't! But I guess they call it the weeding process. Thank you to my real friends who haven't left my side and haven't betrayed me."

His girlfriend, Saffire Matos, had this to say:

"Ronnie and I are fine. There is a lot of misleading information floating around out there. With anybody who reached out with concern I appreciate it with all my heart, but everything that's being portrayed out there are not facts."

So, did one of y'all's "friends" call police and make an accusation? Or did they make a call because they're concerned?

We need to stop making asshats famous. Perhaps we can slap him out of stardom.

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#2 PRINCE HARRY

And the Duh Award goes to I'm-a-prince-but-don't-call-me-prince Harry. So, there's this little (large) rift between him and the royal family after he and Yoko, I mean Meghan, did that Oprah interview. He went back for Prince Phillip's funeral and was surprised by his family's "frosty reception." Well what in the actual f&ck did you think the reception would be!?!? "Hey, Harry, come give us a hug while you publicly stab us all in the back because you're all entangled in that celebrity snatch."

As a result, a source says Harry might not return to England this summer as planned for the unveiling of a statue of Princess Diana. Most likely, Harry will use the birth of his second child as an excuse to not make the trip. How convenient.

It appears that when you said your vows, you handed over your balls. And your brains. You can't put your family on blast publicly, royal or not, and expect everything (besides attitudes) to be cool. Apparently, Meghan's Magical Muffin emits something that erases your sensibility. Hope it's worth it.

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#1 MICHAEL LOHAN

It's no wonder that Lindsay and her sibling are a hot mess. Look at their parents: Dina, who's enjoying a long-term engagement to a man she's never seen in person, and Michael, a criminal ingrown ass hair. He's in more legal trouble for an alleged "patient brokering" scheme. He's one of 100 people accused of bringing patients into drug treatment centers in exchange for illegal kickbacks.

This is the same guy that opened his own drug rehab facility. Because he really wanted to help. Apparently, he was learning to help himself.

How utterly repulsive. It's crucial to match the patient with the right program for the best chance at success. You truly fit the "lo" in Lohan. Taking advantage of someone's devastation to profit yourself guarantees a special place for you in Hell. Enjoy the weenie roast.

Yellow Power

7/31/2020

Offenders for the week ending July 31, 2020:

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#3 THOMAS MARKLE

Oh, Thomas. You were *this* close to starting that process of reconciliation with your little girl, Meghan. But since you can't learn your lesson, you're probs going to get the freeze out. Again. Daddy of The Year most likely needed some cash money, so he turned to his favorite ATM-- the media. He recently told "The Sun" that his little girl and her hubs, the dude formerly known as Prince Harry, should stop whining:

"This is the worst time in the world for them to be whining and complaining about anything-- because people everywhere are suffering due to the coronavirus pandemic. I love my daughter, but I really don't appreciate what she's become right now."

Sigh.

Yes. A whole sh&tstorm is swirling. And yes, privileged folk should be the last to boo-hoo. But... ever hear of a phone? That's the device you can use to convey a message to a certain party without being messy. But messy is your middle name, so...

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#2 SMASH MOUTH

So, Taylor Swift sold 1.3 million copies of her latest record in 24 hours. Not surprising. The Tay Tay spell is forever floating amongst the masses, mesmerizing them into action. It's just the way it is. But Smash Mouth has taken exception to Tay's "Folklore" album, calling it:

"borelore"

Okay. Smash, who? Oh, that band from the early 1990s that had one hit song in a kid's movie: "All Star". Which you're not. Whether you like Taylor or not, she's a star. An all-ways star. Get it.

Uhmmm, your Tamagotchi is needing you, Mr. Mouth. And isn't your break over at the Quik Lube?

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#1 JEPH LOEB, former head honcho of Marvel Television

This guy isn't a celeb. But he's still a Hollywood set of d*ck lips. Daredevil star Peter Shinkoda claims his storyline was cut, along with another Asian actor because:

"Nobody gives a sh*t about Asian people."

That's probably true. Nobody thinks about us because while everybody is fighting each other, we shades of yellow are taking care of business. We hustle. We make our own way. We expect nothing from anyone and we kick ass with our work ethic. So, nobody may "give a shit" about Asians, but the next time you need your laundry washed or some yummy dim sum, or somebody to teach your lame ass that 1 + 1 = 2, you'll be looking for us Asians. And we'll help you out, because we know you're just an ignorant slut.

Congrats. You've gone and awoken my inner Angry Asian. And the half of me that is Asian has enough anger to kick your fossilized crotch up and out your nose.

You are precisely what's wrong with this country.

Catch me outside, bitch boy.

Cloudy with a 100% Chance of Miley

10/25/2019

Offenders for the week ending October 25, 2019:

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#3 ALWAYS

The former feminine hygiene product is no longer femme-only. Because the brand removed the female-face symbol on its packaging as to include everyone. First of all, I didn't even know there was a "face" on the packaging. That's not my main concern when choosing such products. Secondly, Always has been on my personal slap list for their out-of-touch marketing. Like the slogan:

"Have a happy period."

Nope. Not one time have I ever been excited about the bloating, the bleeding, the soccer game going on in my uterus every 21 days. Never.

Hey, Always. It's great you're including everyone (maybe dudes can shove one between their butt cheeks when Taco Tuesday goes awry.) But now that everyone's included, can we make the price more reasonable?

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#2 PRINCE HARRY AND PRINCE WILLIAM

I never imagined I would ever slap these two (unless it was during some royal fantasy play), but here they are. We all know that family members don't always get along all the time. But it makes me sad these boys have drifted apart. Prince Harry said:

"Part of this role and part of this job, this family, being under the pressure that it's under, inevitably stuff happens. But look, we're brothers, we'll always be brothers. We're certainly on different paths at the moment but I'll always be there for him and as I know he'll always be there for me."

Oh, come on! And by the by, moving to Africa with Meghs won't help the rift. The two of you should know how quickly life can be gone. So, put your b.s. aside and meet me in my dreams! Er, put your b.s. aside and hug it out and then do good for the Crown and the world-- together.

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#1 MILEY CYRUS

She had avoided the slap hand for a while. And now she's back topping the list for a second week in a row. Remember how she wanted privacy during the rough patch after her breakup from her hubs Liam Hemsworth? Whelp, guess it's time to spill that tea. Because this cooch sore is having all her feelings through Insta Live with her current Wang of the Week, Cody Simpson:

"There are good men out there, guys, don't give up. You don't have to be gay, there are good people with dicks out there, you've just got to find them. You've got to find a dick that's not a dick, you know? I always thought I had to be gay, because I thought all guys were evil, but it's not true. There are good people out there that just happen to have dicks. I've only ever met one, and he's on this live."

Classy.

So much here. The insults to gay folk. The insults to the male gender. And the insults to Liam-- who has remained calm and quiet through all of this. Perhaps he had grown tired of Hurricane Virus.

You epitomize everything that is wrong with celebrity. Two weeks in a row for this tw*t waffle....

Royal A-Hole

Yellow Power

Cloudy with a 100% Chance of Miley

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