Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offender for the week ending April 22nd, 2022:
#3 EZRA MILLER
Why so angry? The actor can't socialize like a human without allegedly assaulting someone. First, he was asked to leave a karaoke bar in Hilo, Hawaii. Now, he's charged with second degree assault after a disturbance at a get-together at a private residence in Pahoa. Police said he became irate and threw a chair when asked to leave. The chair hit some woman in the head, leaving her with a half-inch-deep cut. Hope she sues him.
Perhaps someone should hit this dude with some vinegar and water...
Perhaps someone should hit this dude with some vinegar and water...
#2 AL PACINO
Kudos to Al for having swagger. The 81-year-old is baggin' the young babes. Like, granddaughter-aged babes. Like, not-too-far-removed from-teen-years babes. But I think this slap is more like: smack, smack-- don't OD on Viagra!
Noor Alfallah likes herself some Early Bird Specials and Matlock reruns. The 28-year-old previously spent time with Mick Jagger. There was only a 51-year age gap there. She was rumored to be dating Clint Eastwood when she was 25 and he was 91, but she denied it. Cuz apparently that's when a crane is needed to get that fossil up for business.
Al's little friend may be nearly invisible by now. Perhaps they enjoy good conversation...
Noor Alfallah likes herself some Early Bird Specials and Matlock reruns. The 28-year-old previously spent time with Mick Jagger. There was only a 51-year age gap there. She was rumored to be dating Clint Eastwood when she was 25 and he was 91, but she denied it. Cuz apparently that's when a crane is needed to get that fossil up for business.
Al's little friend may be nearly invisible by now. Perhaps they enjoy good conversation...
#1 BEN AFFLECK
Again, this is more of a pre-emptive slap. You've been given a second chance at love with Jennifer Lopez. You two are happily engaged again. Don't f&ck this up! She dumped your ass a bajillion years ago because you wouldn't stop drinking and gambling. So make sure you don't fall off the wagon. JLo is too fine to let her get away again. Remember, this is what she said about your proposal:
“I was smiling so big and tears were coming down my face, feeling so incredibly happy and whole. It was nothing fancy at all, but it was the most romantic thing I could’ve ever imagined. Just a quiet Saturday night at home, two people promising to always be there for each other. Two very lucky people. Who got a second chance at true love. He hands me a ring and he says it’s a green diamond. [Green is] my favorite color, it’s also my lucky color. Obviously it’ll be my lucky color forever now. It means so much when somebody thinks about you and loves you and sees you. And it was just the most perfect moment. It’s not often you get a second chance at true love.”
Again, don't be a ween.
“I was smiling so big and tears were coming down my face, feeling so incredibly happy and whole. It was nothing fancy at all, but it was the most romantic thing I could’ve ever imagined. Just a quiet Saturday night at home, two people promising to always be there for each other. Two very lucky people. Who got a second chance at true love. He hands me a ring and he says it’s a green diamond. [Green is] my favorite color, it’s also my lucky color. Obviously it’ll be my lucky color forever now. It means so much when somebody thinks about you and loves you and sees you. And it was just the most perfect moment. It’s not often you get a second chance at true love.”
Again, don't be a ween.
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