Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior - Haus of V

Funbags & Moneybaggs

2/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 19, 2021:

#3 Reality TV-er MADISON LECROY of Southern Charm (but that's not her in the GIF)

From spreading to rumors to possibly spreading her home-wrecking legs, this reality TV "star" knows the game-- out of sight, out of mind. So stay in "sight". From rumored affairs with Jay Cutler and A-Rod, and now getting that body tight and right for her prowling and pouncing. At least she admits to all her new plastic surgery-- unlike many celebs. Of course, she said it was not for vanity purposes:

"I never thought I would need, much less want, plastic surgery. However, after giving birth to a 10lb baby eight years ago, I no longer felt confident in my own skin... there are areas that don't quite bounce back to where they were originally."

You do you, boo. And apparently anything with a hang-low... I give her an "A" for keeping her name out there. Whether she's a ho or a no, she's getting some pub. That, and maybe a disease. Who knows?

P.S. Is a vaj rejuv next? Cuz we know that's like a 10-wide L.A.-type highway you got going there.

#2 Rapper, MONEYBAGG YO

I don't know who in the af this is. And I'm okay with that. But with a name like "Moneybagg Yo" you deserved to be slapped. But the real reason you deserve to be slapped is your lack of awareness. See, Mr. Yo took to the socials to brag about all the money he's made during these "unprecedented times". You know, a time when people have lost their jobs, can't go anywhere, and some have died. Good times.

"... not gone lie I made a couple of Ms in da pandemic, ion want it to end. I feel like the pandemic help a lot of people."

It's helped us? Please drink a water tower-sized portion of STFU. We're all so glad the pandemic hit cuz life was just so sad and boring. The Bag tried to apologize after the socials raged against him, though:

"I apologize to everyone I offended my comment was very insensitive it was not my intent to hurt anyone."

Apparently, it wasn't your intent to use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, but you made your pile so, whatevs....

I really think your name should be Dickbagg Tho

#1 GWYNETH PALTROW

I didn't find her irritating as an actress. But as a human and self-proclaimed lifestyle guru, I find her extremely not tolerable. From her pimping "affordable" $3,000 spring wardrobes, to coochie steaming, and candles that smell like her vaj, comes the latest-- a Gwynie designed "intimate massager."

She said she had a lot of time on her hands (so to speak) during the QT, so why not channel some good vibes for her channel? I, frankly, don't want to share any connection with this wench. And secondly, charging $95 for a vibe that looks like a giant lollipop ain't tight. Leave the good times to that Adam & Eve website. Stick to being what you're good at-- a self-absorbed, out-of-touch "elite."

It's not that you've really done something offensive to top The Slap this week, except existing in general. You're like a grain of sand in a clam-- but you don't turn into a pearl. You just give the clam an infection...

Whiny Manbitches

1/15/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 15, 2021:

#3 KEN JENNINGS, Jeopardy! Champ and ?

Ken went on an apology tour ahead of his celebrity hosting stint on Jeopardy! because he wantsto be the next Alex Trebek. (Not gonna happen). In years past, the maybe-children's-book-author tweeted horrible things about the disabled community. Why?

"(they) worked as jokes (in my mind)... (but) dismayed to see how they read on screen."

So, you didn't read your tweets before tweeting. Gotcha. Here's one "funny" gem:

"Nothing sadder than a hot person in a wheelchair."

Why? Because you wouldn't consider them relationship material because they're not like you?

This is sadder: a not-cool insincere asshat like you pandering for the kindness vote. You knew you were being offensive. Because you have no comedic skills (Hello, John Mayer.) That's why your mea culpa. Let's rename you Ken Jerkoff. It's appropriate.

#2 BRAUNWYN WINDHAM-BURKE, Cast Member/Real Housewives of Orange County

First off, most people that do the hyphenated last names are potential pretentious pricks. In your case-- giant p.p. because your hyphenated name isn't even real. Two slaps for you and we're just getting started here. When I think of hot messes, you come to mind. The laugh of a hyena. Your judge-y, hypocritical ways. Your double-standards. Let's address the latter.

After a gajillion years of marriage and seven (7) kids with her husband, Sean, Wynnie is now a lesbian. She has a girlfriend, but will not be getting divorced, because... ?... She needs help with the kids that range in age from adult to toddler. Confused yet? She sees her gf, Kris, twice a week. But then she said if her hubs started dating someone, well:

"I'd be heartbroken."

Really, bitch? You sobered up (allegedly), went and had a lady experience (even though you've engaged in threesomes in the past). and realized that you're all #TeamMuffin because alcohol made you a faux wiener lover. That's number one. Number two-- YOU. HAVE. A. GIRLFRIEND. Sean is to stay celibately pining for you?!?!?

I don't know how to say this tactfully, so... Eat a bag! You'll apparently hate it!

#1 AUSTEN KROLL, Cast Member/Southern Charm

This is another example of why reality TV is the bane of our existence. Because people like this gain notoriety. In real life, you'd see this dude at a bar and say to yourself: "That guy's a douche." A whiny, extra-vinegary douche because he can't display any class. It doesn't exist. Case in point... a troll on social media commented on one of his Insta pics that his ex-girlfriend (and fellow cast member) Madison could do better than him. Instead of flaming that person, he lit-up Madison instead:

"Patricia's hairdresser can do better than me... I die."

So... you slammed your buddy Shep for making fun of Madison's career as a hair stylist (when you were dating). And now you're doing the same thing. At least she's able to support herself and her son, run a business and own a home. You're just starting a "brand" of beer... ish. In between getting drunk at bars most nights of the week.

You're a 33-year-old frat boy. Grow up. Do you need some tampons and Midol for your cramps, whiny mangina?

Mrs. Felon

10/16/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 16, 2020:

#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former cast member of Southern Charm & Known DB (douche bag)

The former reality TV star and forever felon is actually going to walk down the aisle. With his second baby momma. He had two kids with Kathryn Dennis, who remains a "star" of Southern Charm. Welp, he had another kid with another chick, and supposedly she's worthy enough to earn the ring. So much so, that he's not getting a prenup:

"Not with this one. No need."

Riiight... But you might have a point. Because as Kanye said so poetically:

"18 years/18 years/Got one of your kids/Got you for 18 years."

Why get a pre-nup when you have the fruit-of-you-loins nup. This marriage might last 10 months. If they ever make it down the aisle. Guess she's okay that he's a convicted felon. It was just running drugs, so not so bad?

By the way, are orange and orange your wedding colors?

#2 PORSHA WILLIAMS, cast member of the Real Housewives of Atlanta

Fellow castmate Cynthia Bailey's bachelorette party took quite a wild turn, and Porsha was perhaps front and spread-eagle center for all of it. Sources say there was girl-on-girl action, and a couple of ladies enjoyed the pleasures of a male stripper-- at the same time.

Word on the street is that Princess P gave her "p" to fellow cast member Tanya Sam and that the two of them are the ones that paid the male stripper with pie. Porsha is in denial, as always, since she apparently has her sights set on B.O.L.O. The Entertainer. But what about her baby-daddy-one-time fiancé, Dennis? Oh. They're off again. While she's getting off on anything with a pulse.

Whatevs.

What happens at the BP (Bachelorette Party) stays at the BP. Unless you're filming for the upcoming season... oops. Just own it! You're a wild child ready to ride whatever!

#1 DOMINIC WEST

He's currently filming "The Pursuit of Love" with Lily James. The two were spotted in Rome recently kissing, sharing an electric scooter, lunching-- romantical stuff. Oh, wait. He's married. Been so for 10 years and 4-kids. Yeah... His wife saw the receipts and is crushed. Meanwhile, his tramp-in-waiting Lily dumped her relationship of 5-years.

But just the other day, Dummydick and wife Catherine staged a photo op for the press outside their home-- kissing for photogs and holding up a sign declaring they're still very much together.

Uhmmm... perhaps you both need slapped.

Dominic: This is 2020. There are cameras everywhere. And those phones everyone has takes really good pictures. And, you're a celebrity. So people watch you. And wait for your wang to get out of line.

Catherine: This dude got caught red wankered cheating on you. He's a complete stain. What did he say to you to make you stick around? That he's sorry? Did he put a Kobe apology ring on it? Hopefully, he put a mask on his hang-low so you won't catch crotch COVID.

Twit Epidemic

8/16/2019

Offenders for the week ending August 16, 2019:

#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former Southern Charm castmember

People can be hateful, hell-bent on destroying someone else. And people with privilege and money are even more hateful because they feel they can get away with it. This disgraced former politician served time in a federal prison for intent to sell a large amount of cocaine. He's been accused multiple times of assaulting women. He was exited from a reality TV show. And now, he won't stop fighting his baby momma, Southern Charm castmember Kathryn Dennis-- whether in court or via social media. This dude is on a smear campaign and is determined to hurt her every way he can.

Kathryn's mother recently died after a long battle with cancer. So, this psycho ass hat felt it was the perfect opportunity to kick someone when they're down. On the day of this woman's passing, Rapenel (alleged) posted a picture of his mother with his children by Kathryn on Twitter. Low blow. One Twitter follower called him out:

"Really? Timing is everything. You suck more every day."

True. Perhaps he'll go back to prison and suck whatever every day.

#2 OLIVIA JADE

This bratty rectum fungus has made a major life decision. She's not going back to USC! You know, that university that her mommy and daddy (Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannuilli) lied and cheated (allegedly) to get her into. She's now going to return to her career as: Social Media Influencer.

"She never wanted to attend USC to begin with, and now she is sure that USC isn't the place for her. Right now her goal is to rebuild her brand and business."

Good luck. She lost a ton of jack after brands dropped her during the scandal. Her "people" are trying to convince her to start her own brand of something-- cosmetics, clothing. Whatevs. But since she has no ethics, perhaps her brand should test on animals, make clothing in sweatshops, etc... Here's an idea-- She could pimp things for liars: burner phones, clean urine samples, Ashley Madison subscriptions....

Here's another idea: Eat a large bag of dicks.

Speaking of eating some Oscar Mayer, Miley is apparently done with meat and is going vajeegan. After less than a year of marriage to Liam Hemsworth, she's decided to call it quits. In a mutual statement:

"Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is what's best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Please respect their process and privacy."

Privacy? This cooch waffle is nothing but an open-spread-eagle book. How many times have we been tortured with pics of her crotch? And that damned tongue sticking out of her stupid head! Anywho, she left her hot hubs for Brody Jenner's ex-wife Kaitlynn Carter. Miley and Kaitlynn took a girl's trip to Italy, and when they returned-- Miley dumped Liam. What a coincidence.

Seriously, who would ever want to be near this petri dish? Like the air around her would be heavy with funk. You really are a virus, Cyrus. MRSA times a thousand. How much penicillin will it take to wipe you from the planet?

Wilted Rose

8/9/2019

Offenders for the week ending August 10, 2019:

#3 GIGI HADID

I'm not into the reality show The Bachelorette. But I have plenty of friends and social media that's all about it, so I know what's happened. Tyler Cameron was the 2nd place "winner" but then ended up going out with Bachelorette Hannah after the show though he didn't win... and then in another soap opera turn, he decided to hang out with model Gigi Hadid. He's a tool, cuz not only is he swinging his schlong all over the place-- he missed a court appearance in Florida to go out with Gigi. But I digress.

This slap is about Gigi.

Girl, you are the "it" supermodel right now. You can have the best of the all-beef franks out there, and you're choosing a reality TV show creep? He's not even cute. And, he's obviously looking to keep his name out there by taking you out. Why entertain this fool? Are you slumming it? Best get a big supply of batteries instead of grabbing any sausage sammie that's available.

Wake up!

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW

Haven't heard a nauseating peep from this one in ages, and then-- BAM! Made the list for a second week in a row. Last week, this offensive wench was worried about being "f&ckable" at her age, and now she dropped some eff bombs on Instagram Live when someone dared to question her cooking abilities:

"Do I actually cook? Yes, I f*cking cook! Goddamnit. You think I would write -- you think I would pretend to write cookbooks if I didn't cook?"

Uhmmm... yeah. There are plenty of "cooks" who write books and don't cook. Egads! So trashy for someone who claims to be so classy. Touchy much? Rule #1: don't engage a troll on social media. And if you do, no nastiness. Be savvy.

Bet you won' like it when I call you a "testicle junkie"... now, go make me a gourmet grilled cheese.

#1 SHEP ROSE, Southern Charm cast member

This guy comes across as this cool-every-dude, but he's got teeth. and ol' boy bites. Hard. Not so southern charming. After watching him on this show, he's just a big man-child. With a ton of family money. He doesn't have to work, gets mailbox money on the regular, and has no problem asserting his "intelligence" and "superiority" over the peasants.

In a really sh&tty move, the 40-year-old frat boy thought it'd be funny to record video of himself harassing a homeless woman in New York collecting cans. He said:

"Look at me. Nice cans! I mean, the cans you have!"

HA HA HA! Not. That's the funniest joke ever. Get it. Cans? Lame. Then, when the woman covered her face and yelled "No!", he refused to stop.

His fans eviscerated him on social media. But, he cares about no one.

"Omg. I offended you! Ok. Here's the plan, sensitivity training 5 times per week. Then intensive therapy (hot yoga?) followed by a public flogging in the town square. Then i move to Siberia and live in an igloo for 4 months. At this point. I think I'll be cleansed of your disapproval."

He also tweeted that people should simply unfollow him.

I'd say I'm shocked by his lack of compassion, but I'm not. You should be grateful every day that you will never be in that woman's situation. Disgusting. Degrading. Disrespectful. What a crap blower you are!

Senseless Reality

4/5/2019

Offenders for the week ending April 5, 2019:

#3 NENE LEAKES, Real Housewives of Atlanta "star"

This wenchbag completely supports my theory that women are the dirtiest fighters, and the whole "women for women" movement is bullsh*t for most females. She calls herself the HBIC of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Perhaps she should call herself the B.A. of Atlanta-- as in "Biggest Assh&le". Just days after her co-star, Porsha Williams, gave birth NeNe felt the urge to fat-shame her on social media:

"You lying ass big fat hungry bitch... a big piggy with a busted shape... you worry bout them extra small baby ankles you rockin! Hopefully they hold up that giant body. Try dieting!... That's something you have never been good at."

This, coming from a woman that looks like a broke-down Shrek with a bad weave. Okurr.

The rough waters between NeNe and Porsha starting flowing after an incident on the show this season where NeNe didn't want cast members or cameras in her closet. She freaked out when the ladies wanted to peak inside the the massive room she's been bragging about. Allegedly, NeNe was so out of her mind that she put her hands on pregnant Porsha to get her out of the closet.

How about you all get in the closet, and we'll padlock the door!

#2 THOMAS RAVENEL, former Southern Charm "star"

This dude is all kinds of effed-up. He spent some quality time in a federal prison 10+ years ago for cocaine. He's faced rape allegations in the past, and he just can't stop torturing the mother of his children, Kathryn Dennis. She is 30 years his junior and is a "star" of Southern Charm. The two share 50/50 custody of their children, but after last year's one-two-rape-allegation-punch (again), Kathryn wants full custody.

Well, Thomas has and always will be, a vindictive l.O.B. As a result, Rapenel (alleged) wants full disclosure of his ex-lover's medical records. Like, full. He wants a full list of any and all prescription medications she's currently taking. And, exact dosages. And a doctor's explanation of which symptoms they're intended to treat. While Kathryn has been in rehab before, she has led what appears to be a clean life. Perhaps this bunghole pimple should check his own life instead of trying to destroy someone else's. Oh, and he should really be concerned about what's best for his kids. Which shouldn't be secondary.

His money has kept the rape allegations from turning into something more. But karma is a dish that is always served-- whether you're hungry or not.

*Note: The above gif is not Thomas, but the sentiment fits.

#1 NICOLAS CAGE

This guy. Seriously. I'm amazed at how an Oscar-winning actor can become a joke. He's a big joke. But he's not turning it into a David Hasselhoff/William Shatner iconic life. He's just a joke! His latest guffaw? Filing for annulment from his fourth wife Erika Koike. After four days of marriage. Cuz he was crunk:

"Prior to obtaining a marriage license and participating in a marriage ceremony, (they) were both drinking to the point of intoxication. As a result of his intoxication, when (Koike) suggested they should marry, (Cage) reacted on impulse without the ability to recognize or understand the full impact of his actions."

On a Tuesday, he filed for a marriage license. On that Sunday, the license was granted and he tied the knot. That's a couple of days in between. You were drunk the entire time? Sure. Also, he didn't know she was linked to someone else romantically, and that she had a criminal record. When I think of the phrase "dumb d&ck", I think of Nicolas Cage. Sigh.

P.S. I have to give him props. His third wife is Korean. So, good taste there. But perhaps marriage is not a role you should pursue.

Reality Ruffian

11/16/2018

Offenders for the week ending November 16, 2018:

#3 MEGHAN MARKLE

NOTE: This is a preventative slap-- so pay attention, duchess. You want none of the slap hand for realz.

Apparently, Meghan's personal assistant has quit-- abruptly-- after six months of service. A source said:

"It's a real shock... Melissa is a hugely talented person. She played a pivotal role in the success of the Royal Wedding and will be missed by everyone in the Royal Household."

Except Megs, apparently. According to the recently-released book about royals entitled "Hopes and Dreams," Prince Harry is whipped by Meghan, and caters to her alleged diva ways. There are also allegations that the Queen has warned Harry that Meghan needs to mind how she speaks to staff, and that she needs to follow family protocol.

I'm sure there are some growing pains. You can take the girl out of the USA, but you can't take the USA out of her... So, if this is even remotely true... Girl, check yo self. There are already enough pressures on you. Don't add to them. Be gracious and follow protocol. But behind closed doors with no one around, get your American on!

#2 ARIANA GRANDE

NOTE: Another preventative slap...

Ariana isn't feeling lucky in love. Her ex, Mac Miller, died of a drug overdose. And she recently called-off her engagement to SNL "funnyman" Pete Davidson.

"The past couple of years have been incredibly difficult for Ariana and she rushed into the engagement with Pete. It wasn't an easy breakup and she doesn't want to date anyone for a while so she can focus on herself instead."

Cool. She did kick her out of her place and blocked his number. Love it. I agree with the "clearing your head" and growing, and finding yourself. Once you do, things will be different. But don't become that chick who hates men, cuts off her hair, wears Crocs and no makeup, and 24/7 flannel.

The Energizer Bunny can only go so long, and hook ups get boring. Take your time and find a real man. A man that looks like a man. Acts like a man. Has the ween of a man.

#1 THOMAS RAVENEL, former cast member of the reality TV show Southern Charm

Speaking of weens...

NOTE: This is a real slap. For a real tool.

Props that he's come to the defense of his baby-momma, Kathryn Dennis, who was under public attack from his on-again-off-again baby-juice-dumpster Ashley something-or-other-last-name. They were caught up in a:

"screaming match of epic proportions."

I've never watched two people more perfect for each other, and totally toxic. Like, the epitome of toxic. Anywho, Thomas was upset that Ashley publicly has claimed that Kathryn's rehab stint was just to create a story line for the show, and that she's been seen all over Charleston getting crunk.

Okay, That's fine. But yelling in public and lookin' like a crotch stain isn't the way to conduct yourself.

Then, Raven-no took a public shot at Kathryn, accusing her of using their children as subject matter for the show. Sorry, dude, that you aren't on the show anymore. Stop trying to grab headlines.

You're a convicted felon. You've been accused multiple times of possessing rape-y tendencies. And you want to run your mouth-- still? Zip it-- and your pants.

Bitch Slap

9/14/2018

Offenders for the week ending September 14, 2018:

#3 CARDI B

You're a brand new momma, and now you're out fighting like some street cat? No! Cardi supposedly threw a shoe at Nicki Minaj during a New York Fashion Week party. The two have been beefin' for a hot minute, and things reached the tipping point at the event. Nicki has publicly criticized Cardi' parenting skills.

"When you mention my child... make comments about my abilities to take care of my daughter is when all bets are f&ckin' off!"

I get it. Totally. But nearly getting into a brawl is not the solution, and not a good example for the little ones. Yes, Nicki needs to keep her bubble-butt-mouth shut. You getting dragged out of a very public event with your dress torn, swearing and kicking is not cool. You could've sent her a bag of d*cks, box of dog poo, or a cup of STFU.

#TakeAChillPill

#2 ASHLEY JACOBS, reality TV wannabe star

Yes, a little piece (large piece) of me would love to have that reality TV platform. But I'm not quite sure I'd be willing to sell my soul-- and editorial control-- to make that happen. Hate-ly was first introduced to the reality TV world via Southern Charm where she served as cast member Thomas Ravenel's c*ck koozie. The two are on-again, off-again, and Thomas is off of the show because of those rape "allegations". Well, the psycho princess is begging to be included on the show's next season.

"I wish they (show producers) had the decency to contact me and give me a chance. Because I would like to have a redemption story, the same way Kathryn (Dennis) did. I'm not going to fight and I'm not going to play dirty. I'm going to smile and be nice. I never had the chance to do that on the show because I was so wrapped up in Thomas' drama. I was the villain, but people tuned in to watch. I'd like to give viewers the chance to see another side of me."

Besides the gold digger side? Or the whack job side? Or the hateful, evil side? How many sides you got, Cybil? Your archnemesis Kathryn grew up, got her shizz together because she had everything to lose. She worked hard. Your only work is floppin' on your back. So, bye!

#HiAshley

#1 SERENA WILLIAMS

Most sports fans aren't fans of umps or referees. And neither are some athletes. Especially when a call is made against them. During the U.S. Open finals, chair umpire Carlos Ramos gave Serena a game penalty for court violation. He claimed she was receiving illegal coaching from her player box during the first set. She said out loud:

"I don't cheat to win, I'd rather lose. I'm just letting you know."

Okay. Many tennis players will spar with the chair ump. But then, she turned it up a notch:

"You will never, ever, ever be on another court of mine as long as you live. You are the liar. When are you going to give me my apology? You owe me an apology? Say it. Say you're sorry... And you stole a point from me. You're a thief, too!"

Gulp.

When the match ended (she lost), she didn't shake the umpire's hand and she continued to demand an apology. Perhaps you were wronged. But your refusal to drop it led the winner-- a young rising star who admires you-- to cry tears of frustration in what should've been her crowning moment.

You're a champion. Act like one.

#Fail

Forget "Felicia"

6/29/2018

Offenders for the week ending June 29, 2018:

#3 HEATHER LOCKLEAR

Right now, you're the turd swirling the bowl. We're slapping you so you won't end up in the sewer!

Last week, Heather was hospitalized under a psychiatric evaluation for allegedly threatening to shoot herself. Now, she faces misdemeanor charges of battery on a police officer and emergency personnel. She was allegedly drunk and belligerent at her home, then threw a punch at a deputy, and tried to kick an EMT. Back in February, Heather was arrested on charges of domestic violence and misdemeanor battery on an officer after she fought with her boyfriend.

Look, we all have issues. Self-medicating is not a way to cope. You're not alone in your struggles. And you're more than just an actress. You're a mother, and you belong to people who love you. Embrace that!

#2 ALSC

I know the Association for Library Service to Children isn't a celebrity, but this organization needs slapped. The ALCS is renaming its Laura Ingalls Wilder Award for children's literature because of her portrayal of Native Americans. The president of the organization says Ingalls Wilder's works are not being dismissed, but are not reflective of what they want an award to exemplify. She was born in 1867 and died in 1957. I'm sure her experiences with Native Americans were different than ours. The world was a very different place and times change. Why aren't educators and librarians and these so called smart folk teaching these classics in the context of the times in which they were written. Make this a teachable moment?

That would be the evolved thing to do. But, it's easier to try and alter history. Guess what? Trying to erase history is not going to change anything. You may feel good about yourself, but if you're not educating, this move is all just for show. We can only grow if we learn from mistakes. Trying to hide history makes us destined to repeat it.

#1 ASHLEY JACOBS (from Southern Charm)

This douche chunk may very well be the most repulsive character on reality TV. If you were ever curious what a psycho looks like, you'd see her pic first. I've endured a lot of annoying reality types on various shows, but this beyotch makes me want to dropkick her right in the babymaker. This skankasaurus maneuvered her way onto Southern Charm by entrapping show co-star/boyfriend Thomas Ravenel within her deathsnatch. She was a nurse in California, but once she met Ravenel in da club, she turned on her charm. And since the alleged Rapenel hasn't met a vajay he can't refuse, they quickly "fell in love." She gave up her life and career to move to South Carolina to be his baby juice dumpster.

After evilly questioning Kathryn Dennis' parenting skills (she's Thomas' baby momma, FYI), she then revealed the quality she loves most about TRav:

"you're a good provider."

Let me translate: You're a money-grubbing trash donkey.

If Ashley were truly smart, she would've played Ravohno way better. If I were Assley, I would've come to Charleston, gotten my nursing license, expressed how all I want to do is be a career woman, and when he complains about not seeing me-- well, you know he'd ask you to quit your job. Perfect. But since all she does all day is troll social media and make up fake accounts to attack Kathryn, she's showing what a true whackadoodle she is.

Hide your men; hide your bunnies. #HiAshley is in da hood! Can #ByeAshley replace "Bye, Felicia"?

Double Standard

5/11/2018

Offenders for the week ending May 11, 2018:

#3 THOMAS RAVENEL

In case you don't know, this former state treasurer is a cast member of the Bravo reality TV show Southern Charm. The reason he's a former state treasurer is because he went away on a federal drug conviction. And trust me, there is nothing charming about this f*ck waffle. He has a nasty case of "wandering wang disease" and has never seen a "pink taco" he didn't want to get a handful of.

The 55-year-old is most infamous for twice impregnating his 25-year-old toxic on-again-off-again lover, Kathryn Dennis. Well, he's making headlines again-- this time accused of meeting a woman on Tinder in 2015 and sexually assaulting her. The alleged victim's daughter had this to share:

"(My mother) told me that he grabbed her by the wrist and held her down. He then proceeded to pull his penis out... She said 'no' and then he shoved his fingers inside of her..."

Mom didn't report the assault because he's powerful. And has a lot of money. The woman settled and agreed to zip it. Which is what this "cookie jar" burglar needs to do. Grow up; act like a true gentleman; quit dating your granddaughters; and... concentrate on raising your children, Rape-enel!

#2 DRAKE

What do you have to say now, Drakey-poo? Your boys got swept by the Cavs. BWAA HAAA HAAAA! Anywho, the NBA the the Toronto Raptors organization have reprimanded him for his verbal altercation with our own Kendrick Perkins during Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals in Toronto. Why is this a problem? Drake is the global ambassador for the Raptors, so you kinda need to keep your shizz in line.

Drake and Perkins started trading jabs at halftime.

"What happened was I was talking to my old teammate Serge walking into halftime telling him 'We about to win this game.' and Drake butted in talking sh*t to me. So I said something back to him."

At the end of the game (the Cavs won in OT) Drake allegedly called Perkins a "f*cking p*ssy."

Drake would know what a meow meow is. Mr. Scaredy-Cat-Commitment-Phobe. Being a famous rapper you can't come up with a better insult? Sad.

Well, at least you're good at putting the "ass" in ambassador.

#1 DJ KHALED

Somebody dug up an old interview with this dude. So what. Well, the "who-ha" is over comments he made about his lack of desire. Of "orating" on the ladies... if you're feelin' what I mean. See, Khaled is "the king" and while his wife is "the queen", he's not down with going down. Take a listen:

Let's clarify. He wants you to be into woodwinds, but he won't play the ocarina. Douchebag.

What about yin and yang; give and receive; goose and gander? The internets fellated, I mean, filleted Mr. No Munch. Proving why The Rock is forever awesome, Dwayne Johnson commented:

"Ahem... *clears throat* as a man, I take great pride in mastering ALL performances. This is probably a little TMI..."

Don't knock it 'til ya try it, Khaled. It's never to late to learn and it doesn't make you any less of a man, you fool.

So, open yo mouth wide and become a linguist...