Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Windbag Beneath Our Wings

11/30/2018

Offenders for the week ending November 30, 2018:

#3 JUSTIN BIEBER

Perhaps he can be a Buddha for millennials after dropping this gem of wisdom:

"Love isn't always easy."

Duh. The internets were all a quivering because Justin and his new wife, Hailey Baldwin, spent their first Thanksgiving together. And it also marked the first time their families got together in one place. OMG!

"Relationships are hard and love isn't always easy but thank you Jesus for showing me how! Every day is a learning process, trying to be more like him, patient, kind, selfless, boy I got a long way! But gods grace is sufficient!"

I'm hoping this spiritual/zen Beebs sticks. You can't be a hot mess you're whole life, right? You're welcome for the preventative slap.

via GIPHY

#2 VICKI GUNVALSON, Real Housewives of Orange County cast member

She likes to call herself the O.G. of the O.C. because she's been on the show for its duration. Awesome! But this aging attention-whore is expert at storytelling-- damaging storytelling. Her latest victim: fellow cast member Kelly Dodd. For whatever reason during the show's reunion episode, she decided to spill some tea-- claiming that Kelly does cocaine. That went over like a lead balloon. Kelly wants Vicki gone.

"If they don't so something to Vicki how could I go back... They are running that show to the ground and hurting people's reputation and my brand!!"

Vicki, who likes to flaunt her wealth, should watch her ass. Especially if Kelly sues for slander. Vicki has spread rumors in the past about other friends on the show: Tamra's husband is gay; Shannon was beaten by her ex-husband; so-and-so's marriage is miserable, etc...

Yes, stirring up the shizz makes for good reality TV, but if you're hurling up lies, then you're damaging someone's life. We're going to change your name to Icky Fullofshit.

via GIPHY

#1 BETTE MIDLER

This is why I hate the entertainment business, especially the "powerful" women in the business. They preach supporting women, and uplifting fellow ovarians, and helping females get ahead... blah, blah, blah. It's bullshit, quite honestly. Hollywood women only support other women if they have the same viewpoint. If you don't, then we're going to eviscerate you in the most brutal way. We're going to say the most vile things about you publicly, then turn around and talk about how we love women!

The Meddler hates our President. I understand many people loathe him. So it makes it acceptable to loathe his wife, the First Lady, and his family. You know, guilt by association. I love how the FLOTUS is denounced for being beautiful and for having a successful career as a model. Yes, she has done many a sexy photo shoot. If I had her looks and her body, you'd bet I'd capitalize on all that while I could. But Bette ain't having it. After tweeting a photo from 2000 of Melania Trump wearing a sexy bikini while posing in an airplane cockpit, she wrote:

"The dry cleaning bill for the upholstery on Air Force One must be insane."

With the hashtag: #FLOTITS

Her own fans called her out for her venom. I recall a time in Miss AssHat's career where she was known for shaking her LOW-TITS and flab ass. When Hollywood-types open their mouths, they show how stupid they really are. Which is why politicians love them-- because they'll spread any ol' pile of lies like a good soldier.

Bette, please, find some good hormone-balancing meds and get fitted for a mouth muffler. Thanks.

Reality Ruffian

11/16/2018

Offenders for the week ending November 16, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 MEGHAN MARKLE

NOTE: This is a preventative slap-- so pay attention, duchess. You want none of the slap hand for realz.

Apparently, Meghan's personal assistant has quit-- abruptly-- after six months of service. A source said:

"It's a real shock... Melissa is a hugely talented person. She played a pivotal role in the success of the Royal Wedding and will be missed by everyone in the Royal Household."

Except Megs, apparently. According to the recently-released book about royals entitled "Hopes and Dreams," Prince Harry is whipped by Meghan, and caters to her alleged diva ways. There are also allegations that the Queen has warned Harry that Meghan needs to mind how she speaks to staff, and that she needs to follow family protocol.

I'm sure there are some growing pains. You can take the girl out of the USA, but you can't take the USA out of her... So, if this is even remotely true... Girl, check yo self. There are already enough pressures on you. Don't add to them. Be gracious and follow protocol. But behind closed doors with no one around, get your American on!

via GIPHY

#2 ARIANA GRANDE

NOTE: Another preventative slap...

Ariana isn't feeling lucky in love. Her ex, Mac Miller, died of a drug overdose. And she recently called-off her engagement to SNL "funnyman" Pete Davidson.

"The past couple of years have been incredibly difficult for Ariana and she rushed into the engagement with Pete. It wasn't an easy breakup and she doesn't want to date anyone for a while so she can focus on herself instead."

Cool. She did kick her out of her place and blocked his number. Love it. I agree with the "clearing your head" and growing, and finding yourself. Once you do, things will be different. But don't become that chick who hates men, cuts off her hair, wears Crocs and no makeup, and 24/7 flannel.

The Energizer Bunny can only go so long, and hook ups get boring. Take your time and find a real man. A man that looks like a man. Acts like a man. Has the ween of a man.

via GIPHY

#1 THOMAS RAVENEL, former cast member of the reality TV show Southern Charm

Speaking of weens...

NOTE: This is a real slap. For a real tool.

Props that he's come to the defense of his baby-momma, Kathryn Dennis, who was under public attack from his on-again-off-again baby-juice-dumpster Ashley something-or-other-last-name. They were caught up in a:

"screaming match of epic proportions."

I've never watched two people more perfect for each other, and totally toxic. Like, the epitome of toxic. Anywho, Thomas was upset that Ashley publicly has claimed that Kathryn's rehab stint was just to create a story line for the show, and that she's been seen all over Charleston getting crunk.

Okay, That's fine. But yelling in public and lookin' like a crotch stain isn't the way to conduct yourself.

Then, Raven-no took a public shot at Kathryn, accusing her of using their children as subject matter for the show. Sorry, dude, that you aren't on the show anymore. Stop trying to grab headlines.

You're a convicted felon. You've been accused multiple times of possessing rape-y tendencies. And you want to run your mouth-- still? Zip it-- and your pants.

Not HA HA

11/9/2018

Offenders for the week ending November 9, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 KIM KARDASHIAN

When, oh when, are we going to learn that certain words are just not acceptable? Sure, back in my day we said so-and-so... but you can't say so-and-so today. Is it fair? Not necessarily. But that's just the way it is. And you jackal celebrities? This applies to you as well.

It's not acceptable to drop the "R word", Kimmie. You videotape yourself all. the. time. So, you'd think she'd think and not say something stupid. Wrong! I guess she got bent when no one could identify her Halloween outfit as that of Pamela Anderson. She got upset.

"Nobody knows who I am. Yeah! Retarded."

If only we didn't know. Hey! She's sorry!

"I want to apologize for what I said in a recent video post that is inappropriate and insensitive to the special needs community. I try to learn from my mistakes and this is one of those times. Please know that my intention is always pure, and in this case, it was a mistake. I'm sorry."

Oh, you're sorry all right. But you're still famous for absolutely nothing. Learn harder, K?

via GIPHY

#2 ALEC BALDWIN

Proving what a douchebag his truly is, Mr. Hot Head allegedly got into a physical altercation over a parking spot. Supposedly, the victim snaked into the spot that Azzhat was waiting for. So the best way to resolve the issue? Smack him upside the head. Of course, Baldwin denies the fight happened.

"I realize that it has become a sport to tag people w as many negative charges and defaming allegations as possible for the purposes of clickbait headline. Fortunately, no matter how reverberating the echos, it doesn't make the statements true.."

Look, dude. You're not known for your scintillating personality. In fact, aren't you and Sean Penn long-lost bros? I'm surprised he didn't blame Donald Trump for this fiasco.

Here's a thought... let it go. And go away. Makes life a lot better. For all of us.

via GIPHY

#1 PETE DAVIDSON

While it's known that I have a twisted sense of humor. I know where to draw the line. Making fun of any of our servicemen or servicewomen is never, ever funny. Ever.

During the latest edition of Saturday Night Live, Pete gave his first impressions of people running for office. Dan Crenshaw is a former Navy SEAL who lost his eye serving in Afghanistan in 2012. Lost his eye. Wears a patch. True to form, Mr. Funny F$ck gave his first impression:

"A hitman in a porno movie. Which I mean who cares, right? I'm sorry, I know he lost his eye in war, or whatever. Whatever."

Yup. Whatever. Just fighting in a war as a badass Navy SEAL. Fighting like you'd never have the sack to do. Because you're a little, weak, wussy, ha-ha man. Why don't you pick up a gun and go fight the enemy for a bigger truth and ideals. Can't? You're not man enough. Eat a bag, or two. You need it.

No wonder Ariana Grande dumped yo ass. Maybe your name should be Piece (of sh&t) Davidson.

By the way, Crenshaw won. Mic drop.

No One's "Pal"

11/2/2018

Offenders for the week ending November 2, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 LANDON CLEMENTS, former cast member on Southern Charm

Bitch almost ruined dolphins for me-- because she sounds like one when she talks. And not in a cute "come swim with me" kind of way. More like, I-need-to-shove-hot-pokers-in-my-ears-to-stop-the-pain kind of way.

She's always looking for love and never finding it. She constantly bemoaned the failure of her first marriage. First, the blame was shared by both parties. And then, he was the rectum twister for being controlling and possessive, and blah, blah, blah-- whatever made for good "reality" TV.

If dude was such a douche, why would you publicly celebrate the 10th anniversary of your wedding? This gold-diggin' famewhore:

"My sister in law (ex) just reached out to wish me a happy what would have been my 10th wedding anniversary. It is sort of bittersweet but if something is not working for you find the strength to walk away. Learn the lessons and try to keep a smile on your face."

And like Elsa: Let it go.... Let it gooooooooo!

Post something we'd actually care about-- like your permanent banishment from the female gender.

via GIPHY

#2 HAUNTED HOOCHIE (aka Dead Acres)

It's rare when a brand or non-person makes the list, but you'll soon understand. The Haunted Hoochie is not Kim Kardashian's crotch. It's a haunted house in Ohio that has stirred it up. For 28 years, the attraction has held "Swastika Saturday". If this weren't bad enough, we all know that last Saturday was the deadly shooting at a synagogue in Pittsburgh. Yet, the owners felt no need to pull the promotion. Because, you know, it's tradition. SMH.

Look, I'm not politically correct. But I do have common sense. And sensitivity. Unlike long-time patrons that defended the promotion. Because, again, it's tradition... and has nothing to do with hate. Do you know what a swastika symbolizes?

swas·ti·ka
/ˈswästəkə/
noun

an ancient symbol in the form of an equal-armed cross with each arm continued at a right angle, used (in clockwise form) as the emblem of the German Nazi Party.

A party of... hate.

Well, the owners are really sorry-- now. They will no longer support costumes or musical acts or anything that promotes hate. Dumb can't be defended. Sure would suck if some gang member-types showed up at your place...

via GIPHY

#1 GWYNETH PALTROW

Two weeks in a row, but you top this list this week. Why? Because you're irresponsible! Sure, you have "people" that are supposed to mind the manor, but you are the name and the face of the brand. So, you're ultimately the one who answers for everything.

You've come up with quite the list and items of things we need to do to our bodies, but now the time has come for you to just stop. Stop!

This time, she's recommending moms-to-be take her supplements called: The Mother Load. The supplements contain a high amount of vitamin A, according to critics. Too much vitamin A during pregnancy can lead to birth defects and liver toxicity. Well, phooey, say Goop's PR machine:

"When used as recommended, Goop's The Mother Load supplements are safe during pregnancy. The Mother Load contains a very moderate 450 mcg (1500 IU) of vitamin, which is less than the recommended daily intake of 600 mcg per day."

Aside: does this item have to be named "load"? Isn't that how a woman gets into the preggo predicament in the first place?

Anywho, the product isn't recommended by the NHS or the WHO. Oops.

You're no lifestyle expert, Gwen. So please, exit the planet.

Windbag Beneath Our Wings

Reality Ruffian

Not HA HA

No One's "Pal"

About The Slap

Archives

Categories