OFFENSE: Complete embarrassment
This hot mess lost her gig on The Real Housewives for her drunken, out of control behavior that sent her back to rehab; She's assaulted a police officer and resisted arrest after a bender at a hotel bar; and now-- she's got some sticky fingers! She was busted this past weekend for shoplifting over $600 worth of stuff at a San Fernando Valley Target. Classy.
I know that your reality is quite different from ours-- because ours is actually real. And in this real world-- you have to pay for stuff. And if you can't-- you don't take it. Your children must be so proud.
Hey, this might work out for you. You could star in The Real Housewives of Solitary Confinement.
Your'e the winner of: The Merlin Award... watch your has-been career disappear into a bigger has-been-dom.
OFFENSE: Wardrobe abuser
During a concert in Sweden, Lenny crouched down to rip some wicked guitar riff, when he ripped the crotch of his leather pants, unfurling his "fire hose" for the world to see. (Thank you, by the way.) Yes, it was captured on video. And yes, his "fruit bowl" was the subject of hashtags, including #LennyKravitzpiercing. Which brings up the point of his piercing. It's not what was there, but whom it was from. Lenny's pee pee piercing is a diamond from... his mother...
First of all, wear some kind of under-the-butt-nut-hut protector. The sweat! The chaffing! Respect your junk.
Second of all, this was the best use for your late mother's diamond?!? Placing the jewels by the family jewels? Is it because you were so close to your mother and you wanted a befitting tribute because your Richard is important to you as well? Nevermind. Gross. Just ick!
You're the winner of: The Ovation Award... for that anaconda in your pants.
OFFENSE: Repulsive dbag
Well, well, well... we gave you the benefit of the doubt, maybe some even hoping that you weren't really 'eating fresh', but apparently that's how you prefer it. The FBI had good reason to raid your home. Cuz apparently you have a predilection for underage children.
In text messages, Jared allegedly admitted to paying a 16-year-old girl $100 for sex. Other text messages between J-hole and his former female Subway franchisee mistress reportedly asked her to advertise herself on Craigslist for sex with other men so he could watch. He's also been vocal about how "hot" middle school girls are, and how sex with a minor is "amazing".
Sing it with me: "5-year, 5-year-old children....." Just. Wrong. You're a soft-faced, soft-bodied POS. I'm sure you'll try to spin this like you're a 'sex addict' and all will be forgiven-- NOT!
Your notoriety and riches wouldn't save you from the fires of Hell-- where you belong. You're a disgrace to the human race. I'd love to shove a footlong up your ass!
You're the winner of: The Dickin Medal-- usually honoring those who've helped sick animals. Well, you are sick... and I believe the "Dick-In" is self-explanatory.
Kim Richards https://www.flickr.com/photos/ikrichter/
Lenny Kravitz https://www.flickr.com/photos/oddsock/
Jared Fogle https://www.flickr.com/photos/annaustin/