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Tricky Dickies

9/28/2018

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​Offenders for the week ending September 28, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 TRISTAN THOMPSON
This dude cannot quit the pink taco! Earlier this year, T.T. was caught in a cheating scandal. And now, guess what? He was spotted leaving a Hollywood club with two brunettes. Double dribble! Well, there's no evidence that he engaged in any no-no place activities. But... he does behave in a suspicious manner. 

Things have been going groovy for Khloe Kardashian and Tristan. They moved to California for the summer so her family could spend time with their baby, Tru. The Kardashians forgave Tristan's wander wang ways, and everything was peaches and cream. (And perhaps he's getting some peaches and cream for dessert.)

Or... the reason he left the club with the two brunettes is because he's an Uber driver on the side... Or, he wants to ensure more CAVS victories. He plays better when he plays around. 

#GivinRides

via GIPHY

#2 KANYE WEST
Kanye should go work at Wendy's, cuz he's beefin' again. This time with Drake, Nick Cannon, and Tyson Beckford. Damn! That's a triple combo meal with cheese! Mr. West had these words:

"I just want to express some tings that are not sitting right with my spirit. Now that I'm out of the sunken place, I think and just be Ye and express how I feel. There's a couple of things I want to address. First of all I want to address Nick Cannon, like, I understand that you used to date my wife, but you know, you're (giving) an interview, don't mention my wife. Don't be making no suggestions, like nobody f&cked my wife."

What? I dozed off. See, Nick said that Drake "smashed" Kim Kardashian.

Would this really be shocking? And who cares. Many a train has spilled its cargo rollin' through that tunnel.

He's mad at Tyson for saying his boo is a homophobe, and is mad at Drake for something involving his maybe-secret love child. 

Did you get all that? But Kanye is an optimist:

"... all three of you all, come talk to me. Holla at me. We will work it out and come to a resolution..."

Uhm. I don't think they give a rat's Yeezy about this mess.

#ZipYoLip

via GIPHY

#1 BILL COSBY
In case you missed it, Mr. Roofie Rapist was sentenced to three to 10 years in prison for drugging and raping Andrea Constand. Poor convict allegedly went ballistic at his home during his sentencing phase. Basically, he was upset that his lawyers didn't do a better job defending him. So, he tried to slam his cane on his kitchen counter, missed, and almost went through the window instead.

                           "He had a drink of iced tea and then tried swinging it again."

BWAAA HAAAA HAAAA! 

Reports indicate that Kung Fu F&ckface swings his cane often at stuff and noises because he can't see. Guess he'll have to get good with a broom handle in prison. Speaking of, Billy had a rough first day behind bars. Someone threw a stale hotdog bun at him, and he fell down a flight of steps because he's not allowed to have his cane. He told his complicit wife, Camille to:

              "...grab the checkbook and hire anyone and everyone" to get him out of prison.

I can only imagine how difficult his shower situation will be. Finally, after all these years and all those victims... Some justice. This is the legacy you now leave behind, ball fuzz.

#PuddinPopInThePooper

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That Other Pink Thing Is Your Brain...

4/13/2018

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Offenders for the week ending April 13, 2018:
Picture
"Yah, Yah, Yah, I am Lorde..."
#3 LORDE
In our first glowing example of needing to use one's brain... Lorde posted an Instagram pic with the title "day off" with her awaiting bathtub and the caption:

                                                    "And iiiii will always love you"

Oh no, you din't! Lorde's fans were less-than-pleased with her obvious Whitney Houston death reference. In case you've forgotten, Whitney was found dead in a hotel room tub in February 2012. She suffered complications from heart disease and long-term cocaine usage and accidentally drowned. 

Lorde is sorry, though:

"Extremely poorly chosen quote. I'm so sorry for offending anyone-- I hand't even put this together I was just excited to take a bath." 

Girl, you wish you could sing like Whitney and have even a fraction of the career she had. Your singing sounds like a grouchy vagina in heat. 

Picture
"Hay, Girlz. I'm comin' for ya!"
#2 TRISTAN THOMPSON (& KHLOE KARDASHIAN)
In our second example of upper-pink-failure... We all know you're a baller, but you don't need to show your balls off to every magic box walking around. Yes, you have money and fame and all the ladies want you. Or more like your baby for the pay day. If these fellas would actually use their brains, they'd be covert in their philandering ways-- not in NYC mackin' on an Instagram model who's looking for 20 minutes of fame. Sigh. He's been caught in video, in photos, and tawdry texts were spilled all over the internets. 

Khloe K just gave birth to your baby. And speaking of Khloe-- girl, please. You've never heard the saying:

                                      "If he'll cheat with you, he will cheat on you"

Maybe she was just looking for a donor, and maybe he was just trying to help wayward skanks. You know, give 'em a leg up...

So help us if your dramz infects the CAVS during the playoffs. Grrrrrr!

Picture
#1 TONY ROBBINS
Our primo example of thinking before speaking... This sham of a life coach needs some coaching of his own. He was recently caught on video slamming the #MeToo movement, saying women are just trying to gain significance:

"If you use the #MeToo movement to try to get significance and certainty by attacking and destroying someone else, all you've done is basically use a drug called significance to make yourself feel good."

Sure. It feels good to speak up about sexual extortion or abuse. Glad you are here to show us the way, queef fondler.

A woman in the audience challenged Robbins, but was cut off. Then, he said that men are afraid of hiring attractive women because of the movement. Yup. We've been waiting for this precise moment in our history to exact our revenge because not all of us want to touch random penises. 

But he's sorry:

"Sometimes, the teacher has to become the student and it is clear that I still have much to learn. I teach that 'life happens for you, not to you' and what I've realized is that while I've dedicated my life to working with victims of abuse all over the world, I need to get connected to the brave women of #MeToo."

Kudos on your beautifully-contrived-not-heartfelt-statement from your PR department.

Here's a little somethin' for ya: 
Picture
#MotivateThis #UndercoverSexist #ThisPinkWillKickYourPinkNubbinCleanOff

​PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

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    I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)

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