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Leaked

10/2/2020

 
​Offenders for the week ending October 2nd, 2020:

via GIPHY

​#3 DEMI LOVATO
They dated for four months before getting engaged. Now, Demi has dumped Max Ehrich after a two-month engagement, which means the relationship burned after six months. Yes, my head hurts over the whirlwind-ness of this deal:

"They were basically together 24/7 for months. They lived in a bubble with zero stress, and everything was just fun. Now they are both working and are on separate coasts. They were having conflicts."

Oh...

"In the beginning, Max was super careful about self-promotion (and ) things with his career, but once they got engaged, he really hit the gas pedal and wanted to make the most out of his career opportunities. He felt more comfortable doing so after they were fiancees and had a little bit more of a leg up."

So, she broke it off. And he found out from a tabloid story!

Come on, girl. I love ya, but you could've at least dumped him via text. If he was a complete asshat, then you should've spelled out "It's Over" with his stuff and then set that shizz on fire...

via GIPHY

#2 VANESSA MARCIL
Maybe she's looking to drum-up some acting gigs... Brian Austin Green's baby mama went public with support for Brian's soon-to-be-ex Megan Fox. She said: 

"I actually have respect for how (Megan) is finally living her life for herself & leaving her children out of her public life at this young age."

Cool. But methinks her support is actually passive aggression, because she hates (dick)BAG:

"(he's a) very angry/sad human being who still has too much shame to take full responsibility for his actions as a father."

Damn.

Oh, and then she publicly said she never loved him. Really? Because you were engaged to each other. Perhaps she's still displeased that after her breakup with Brian, he started dating Megan and those two got married. Yes, you had an ugly custody battle. But continuing to drag doesn't help. 

Zip it. Your kid will figure out on his own if his dad is a douche or not. 

via GIPHY

#1 NENE LEAKES, soon-to-be former Cast Member/Real Housewives of Atlanta
Each of these "Housewives" series has a standout "star". NeNe has worn that crown since Day 1. But, she's no longer on the show (again), so people are talking about it-- like the show creator, Andy Cohen, and her "kind-of best friend" Wendy Williams. Wendy is a frequent slapee, known for opening her big mouth way too wide. She had this to say about NeNe's departure:


"NeNe has quit the show several times and you'll have her back (Andy Cohen). NeNe likes attention, dramatic attention. I don't know what (she's) going to be doing for money." 

#Truth. Wendy also said that NeNe is no Bethany Frankel, who was a former New York housewife who turned her brand into a multi-million dollar empire. Well, this set NeNe into full pop-off mode on the socials:

"Both ther f ratings are LOW! Bye QUEENS. She on coaine so they should stop using her to talk! They both need my help with their poor ratings! I have ALWAYS believed in multiple streams of income so the Leakes are good, you ole cocaine head and you ole racist. No one knew you until YOU knew me. Remember I'm ICON."

?

Uhhhmmm... you're no icon. That's for people that have accomplished something worthwhile and memorable. You became famous because of this show. You've been afforded all kinds of opportunities because of Andy Cohen putting you on his show. You were a stripper who married an older man for his money. Then, you became ass-clownic. 

Know where you came from and be grateful-- if you're able. It's gonna hurt not making the near-million dollars per episode. Maybe you should get up on that pole again...

Senseless Reality

4/5/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending April 5, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 NENE LEAKES, Real Housewives of Atlanta "star"
This wenchbag completely supports my theory that women are the dirtiest fighters, and the whole "women for women" movement is bullsh*t for most females. She calls herself the HBIC of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Perhaps she should call herself the B.A. of Atlanta-- as in "Biggest Assh&le". Just days after her co-star, Porsha Williams, gave birth NeNe felt the urge to fat-shame her on social media:

"You lying ass big fat hungry bitch... a big piggy with a busted shape... you worry bout them extra small baby ankles you rockin! Hopefully they hold up that giant body. Try dieting!... That's something you have never been good at."

This, coming from a woman that looks like a broke-down Shrek with a bad weave. Okurr. 

The rough waters between NeNe and Porsha starting flowing after an incident on the show this season where NeNe didn't want cast members or cameras in her closet. She freaked out when the ladies wanted to peak inside the the massive room she's been bragging about. Allegedly, NeNe was so out of her mind that she put her hands on pregnant Porsha to get her out of the closet. 

How about you all get in the closet, and we'll padlock the door!

via GIPHY

#2 THOMAS RAVENEL, former Southern Charm "star"
This dude is all kinds of effed-up. He spent some quality time in a federal prison 10+ years ago for cocaine. He's faced rape allegations in the past, and he just can't stop torturing the mother of his children, Kathryn Dennis. She is 30 years his junior and is a "star" of Southern Charm. The two share 50/50 custody of their children, but after last year's one-two-rape-allegation-punch (again), Kathryn wants full custody. 

Well, Thomas has and always will be, a vindictive 
l.O.B. As a result, Rapenel (alleged) wants full disclosure of his ex-lover's medical records. Like, full. He wants a full list of any and all prescription medications she's currently taking. And, exact dosages. And a doctor's explanation of which symptoms they're intended to treat. While Kathryn has been in rehab before, she has led what appears to be a clean life. Perhaps this bunghole pimple should check his own life instead of trying to destroy someone else's. Oh, and he should really be concerned about what's best for his kids. Which shouldn't be secondary.

His money has kept the rape allegations from turning into something more. But karma is a dish that is always served-- whether you're hungry or not.

*Note: The above gif is not Thomas, but the sentiment fits.

via GIPHY

#1 NICOLAS CAGE
This guy. Seriously. I'm amazed at how an Oscar-winning actor can become a joke. He's a big joke. But he's not turning it into a David Hasselhoff/William Shatner iconic life. He's just a joke! His latest guffaw? Filing for annulment from his fourth wife Erika Koike. After four days of marriage. Cuz he was crunk:

"Prior to obtaining a marriage license and participating in a marriage ceremony, (they) were both drinking to the point of intoxication. As a result of his intoxication, when (Koike) suggested they should marry, (Cage) reacted on impulse without the ability to recognize  or understand the full impact of his actions."

On a Tuesday, he filed for a marriage license. On that Sunday, the license was granted and he tied the knot. That's a couple of days in between. You were drunk the entire time? Sure. Also, he didn't know she was linked to someone else romantically, and that she had a criminal record. When I think of the phrase "dumb d&ck", I think of Nicolas Cage. Sigh.

P.S. I have to give him props. His third wife is Korean. So, good taste there. But perhaps marriage is not a role you should pursue. 

Sprung a Leak(es)

2/8/2019

 
Offenders for the week ending February 8, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 BOW WOW
You've heard that saying: "Mess with the bull, you get the horns". Perhaps that's what happened to the former child star/rapper/now grown-up-actor now known by his birth name of Shad Moss. Dude was arrested for allegedly assaulting a woman last weekend. The alleged victim and Mr. Moss-Wow sustained minor visible injuries.

"Officers were unable to determine the primary aggressor of the altercation, so both parties were charged with battery."

What is it with rappers brawling with anyone they can? Next time, just run if you can. Also, I'd go back to using "Bow Wow". Because "Shad" is too close to "shat". Unless this is the direction you're going now. 

via GIPHY

#2 KENDALL JENNER
Widdle Kendall has admitted that she's "cried endlessly for days" over social media comments. But she's learning to get over it...

"I mean, don't get me wrong: I definitely feel, and the things people say online are very hurtful. You also just have to live your life and not pay attention to it."

Yes. Don't pay attention to the B.S. But seriously. No sympathy here. When you decided to chase the fame monster, you subconsciously agreed to to everything that comes along with it. Good and bad. But regardless, always remember that you have f*ck you money, So who cares what people think? You can buy all the ass-kissing friends you want!

via GIPHY

#1 NENE LEAKES, Real Housewives of Atlanta Cast Member
Loud-mouthed. Over-the-top. Pretentious. Some of the nicer words to describe Ms. Leakes. Foolish might be another one. How dare she come for the reality TV show queen, Lisa Vanderpump? Oh, no she didn't! NeNe has her Gucci panties wadded in her coochie over an alleged theft by LVP.  She claims she had an idea for a restaurant in West Hollywood, called Lisa up to ask for her advice, and Lisa said it would be a bad investment. Lisa co-owns several successful restaurants in Cali, and is set to open one in Vegas.

Anywho, after shooing NeNe away-- Lisa allegedly bought the same property and opened Pump restaurant there. NeNe is not happy:

                    "She did some real foul sh*t to me... We're gonna get Lisa Vanderpump."

What do you mean by this exactly? You're going to sue her? For what? You got schooled. It happens. Do you know how many ideas I've had stolen from me? It ain't easy opening a restaurant. Plus, it's kind of cliche for reality TV stars to do it nowadays, but whatevs. You have clothing boutiques or something so, hang your hat on that... so to speak.

Leave the Queen alone. She's got business savvy and ultra coolness. Out of your league.

So Are The Days of The Stupid...

10/16/2017

 
Dramatic re-enactments, celebs choking on their own words, and a whole lotta sass! Take a listen to this week's Celebrity Slap!

Out of The Mouths of The Chronically Stupid...

10/13/2017

 
Offenders for the week ending October 13, 2017:
Picture
"... and 3/4 racism"
#3 DOVE
Dear Dove: I know you want my skin to be as pure as the driven (white) snow after using your product, but your latest ad has left you looking like the driven on snow. 

In these hypersensitive times, anything you say or do can be misconstrued as racist, sexist, ageist, so why not have someone triple-check your work before you launch a major ad campaign? In the ad, an African-American woman removes her brown shirt to reveal-- she's a white woman underneath. Have we gone back to 1925? Seriously. Of course, the Internets went cray-cray. Dove's parent company, Unilever apologized:

"As part of a campaign for Dove body wash, a 3-second video clip was posted to the US Facebook page. This did not represent the diversity of real beauty which is something Dove is passionate about and is core to our beliefs, and it should not have happened..."

Duh. It shouldn't have happened. As teech used to say in school: "Everyone, let's put on our thinking caps..."

Picture
"If you're douche-y and you know it, clap your hands..."
#2 HARVEY WEINSTEIN
Ah, yes. It's never pretty when brothers hate each other: The Gallagher Brothers from Oasis; The Robinson Brothers from The Black Crowes; Cain and Abel... 

Looks like Bob blew the whistle on his brother and the business partner he hates, exposing Harv's misogyny. Oh how the douchey fall hard. After decades of pay-offs and grab-assery, Harvey has been outed for sexually harassing, and even raping, actresses. And everyone kept it quiet because men and women want to work in Hollywood. It's a vicious cycle that's been around since the beginning of time-- sexual extortion. I'm not surprised at all at his behavior. Repulsed, yes. More so because this beef sniffer has daughters. Daughters! How would you respond if your little girl was asked to watch a dude shower against her will, or if she were forced to watch him juggle his fruit bowl? 

You're pathetic, an affront to your gender, to those that have power that's not abused. Of course in an effort to gain sympathy, this scum biter has checked himself into rehab for "sex addiction." Please. I'm so over this misused buzz phrase that predatory swine like you are tossing out to excuse your tossing off. Some people truly have an issue. You, on the other hand, do not. 

Glad your wife left you. Hopefully, you won't see your children, either. And... if the stars and planets align and justice is served-- you'll face prison time... And some fellow deviants that would love to give you the "broom handle greeting."

Picture
Poop, poop, poop runneth from theymouth...
#1  A TRIFECTA OF TW@TS: NENE LEAKES, WENDY WILLIAMS & DONNA KARAN
Women are the worst. For real. Women are downright nasty to other women. I'm amazed at women who proclaim to be feminists and advocate for women's rights who take no time tearing another woman down. Case in point-- this trifecta. 

Let's start with Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member NeNe. Guess her new thing now is a try at standup comedy. Well, just because you can throw shade and flap your gums doesn't mean you're funny. But I digress. She got heckled  by a female. And because she's unpolished and isn't funny, she couldn't take it. So, she told the woman: "I ain't even gonna tell you about the goddamn Uber driver. I hope he rape yo' ass tonight when he take you home, bitch." Classy. This from a woman who's been the victim of sexual assault. But she's sorry.

Then, there's big-mouth Wendy Williams. Here's her commentary on the woman who claims rapper Nelly forced her to have unprotected sex: "If she did not put herself in that situation, this wouldn't have happened. Young lady, you've got to stay out of tour buses." Would I hang out on a musician's tour bus? Hell no! Not unless I expected to do something sexual. But that doesn't not make it right to take advantage of someone because they're on a bus. Oh, Wendy's sorry for what she said. 

Lastly, designer Donna Karan. She's totally on Harvey Weinstein's side. Women are to blame when they're harassed or attacked. "You look at everything all over the world today and how women are dressing and what they are asking just by presenting themselves the way they do. What are they asking for? Trouble." Hope you're designing burqas now, otherwise, everyone's gettin' rapey! And you guessed it, Donna is sorry for her comments.

Here's a thought I'm not sorry about: F*ck off. 

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

    About The Slap

    I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)

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