Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Slap-entine's Day

2/14/2020

Offenders for the week ending February 14, 2020:

#3 GAYLE KING

Gayle "went" there and CBS "went" there for ratings... Gayle had a TV sit-down with WNBA star Lisa Leslie-- a good friend of the late Kobe Bryant. They chatted about stuff... and then the rape allegation Kobe faced years ago (which was dismissed) came up via direct question. Gayle asked how Lisa felt about it. She awkwardly replied that such a crime would be out of character for Kobe and that he never acted inappropriately around her. Gayle countered with the notion that Lisa wouldn't know, because they were friends. Lisa said Gayle had a number of years to ask Kobe herself, so...

Boom!

Yes, CBS admitted to exploiting one section of that interview. But, Gayle, you went there in the first place. I guess that's your job (?) Time and place for everything, right?

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#2 PRESLEY GERBER

Tattoos can be works of art. No longer is there a stigma associated with tats. Mostly. Cuz face tattoos are just... extra. Former supermodel (and still supermodel-esque) Cindy Crawford's 19-year-old son-- who is equally gorg-- had the word "MISUNDERSTOOD" inked on his right face cheek. Well, this has left all of social media wondering "What misunderstanding?"

"Are you really that misunderstood? Having all the money at your disposal is never a good thing in life. You must be so bored."

Presely wasn't havin' any hate:

"If I thought this was going to ruin my face or I didn't want this, I wouldn't have done it. I think that's a pretty obvious thing."

Uhmmm.... it's obvious you're 19 and 19-year-olds are not always the clearest of thinkers. But hey. We support your looking like a complete dickwad when you're 70 with your saggy face tat.

Comprende?

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#1 PAMELA ANDERSON

Throughout history, straight men have fallen victim to the wiles of women. If you thought Pammy's marriage to fourth victim, er, hubby Jon Peters was a little quick (lasted 12 days) even by Hollywood standards, well.... There's a good reason. Jon served his purpose.

For decades, Jon has been in L.O.V.E. with Pam. She dismissed him because of their large age difference. But one day, she proposed to the Hollywood producer. Via text. He said "Yes"-- even though he was engaged at the time to another woman who was getting set to move in with him. He said:

"It was kind of a dream come true, even though I was engaged to someone else..."

They tied the knot, and then the 74-year-old paid off her $200,000 in debt. And then, it was over.

Sad, yet well played. But that's not all. Now, Pam is tryin' to spin it...

"We are all getting our share in this crazy world. As long as we are wrestling we are alive. As long as we recognize insanity we are sane. It's better to be betrayed than not to trust, better to be disappointed than not to love. Don't ever run from pain, just face it allow it to be and it will pass. And we will have grown to the next level."

What? Girl, bye.

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Daddy Dearest

1/31/2020

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Offenders for the week ending January 31st, 2020:

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#3 JOY BEHAR

While there are times I question why Joy Behar exists, I'm glad she does because she's great fodder for the The Slap. She makes the list this week for her seemingly racially-toned comment about Whoopi Goldberg's hair.

Patrick Stewart was a guest on The View, and he invited Whoopi to be a part of the new Star Trek series. To which Joy quipped:

"I just said to him, 'Does she have to take the hair thing off?'"

While tugging on one of Whoopi's dreads. Can someone offer Joy a role off this planet? Please?

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#2 KATHARINE MCPHEE

I understand self-deprecation. I'm good at it. But Kat took self-deprecation to a new level. She must've decided she needed some social media attention, so she tweeted that she actually won more Grammys than Billie Eilish did Sunday night-- by default.

"Everyone who keeps saying Billie Eilish walked away with the most Grammys must not remember I won 16 by marriage this past summer."

HA HA HA! What? McPeePee married 16-time Grampa, er, Grammy winner David Foster last June. So, by marriage she's a winner. Girl, that makes you sound like some let-me-wear-my-pearls-while-I-make-your-dinner 50's housewife b.s. Yes, you share everything when married. But... go get your own damned Grammy!

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#1 THOMAS MARKLE

Never will this man win Dad of The Year. Because he refuses to STFU about his daughter, Meghan. She has asked him to stop going public in regards to her. But, noooo. This hiney cyst just keeps talking. And talking. He claims it's the only way he can get through to his beloved girl.

"There's no other way to reach her."

Dumbass says he's going to do a new interview every 30 days until he gets a response from Meghan.

Really? I'm sure there are better ways to get a response. Have you tried the phone call/text/letter/in-person chat? Maybe there's a compelling reason for her lack of communication with you. Like, saying publicly that you were disappointed in her behavior in regards to her royal ramp-down. And you've basically blamed her for Yoko-ing the royal family. So, there's that.

The next communication you may get is from a lawyer. One of my problems with you is-- what are your true intentions? Methinks you really don't want to talk to your daughter. You're just gonna talk to the media because they pay you to talk to them. And it's all about the money. Or, you want a relationship with her so you can get the dirt and sell it to the media.

Nice try, Daddy Dickhead.

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Greybar Full House

1/24/2020

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Offenders for the week ending January 24th, 2020:

After a holiday and illness hiatus, the slap hand is ready to get back to work!

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#3 LORI LOUGHLIN

From "I'm sooo innocent" to, I need to protect my azz, Aunt Becky's getting ready for prison life. According to an insider:

"She's knuckling down, learning the lingo and practicing martial arts to give off the impression she's tough and to ward off potential bullies... Besides the physical training, she's getting lots of advice from prison professors on how to earn one's keep behind bars."

She best learn how to trade smokes and commissary privileges for a good night's sleep. Or get her scissor skills down. Oh, but she and the hubs are innocent of conspiracy to commit mail fraud, honest services fraud, money laundering, and federal programs bribery.

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#2 SHAMIN ABAS

Who? Yeah. She's not really famous. But she's infamous now-- seeing that she's Matt Lauer's new GF. WTF? A person close to the situation offered this gem:

"She knows who he is. She's thrilled she's with him. She doesn't seem to have a care in the word."

Guess she's Camille Cosby in the making. You know-- all denial-turn-a-blind-eye to what their asshat men are up to. Supposedly, this wannabe Mrs. is a public relations chick and longtime friend of Matt and his ex-wife Annette Roque. Oh, she looks like Annette's twin by the way. Not creepy af. Oh, and there's this tidbit-- Charmin and Matt were linked romantically in 2005. Matt was married to Annette at the time. So, she's just as skeevy as Lower.

May your Venus Fly Snatch forever enjoy the beef jerky that is your lover...

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#1 WENDY WILLIAMS

Why is this wenchbag wealthy and famous? And who watches her damned talk show? Her mere existence is offensive, but this time around she has offended those that have/had a cleft lip. Recently on her show, she was explaining how she was strangely attracted to Joaquin Phoenix calling him "oddly attractive". She loves his "piercing eyes", and then critiqued a scar on his upper lip. Then she said:

"He's got one of those-- what do you call it? Cleft lip, cleft palate."

She then hooked her finger under her lip, mimicking a cleft lip.

Needless to say, a lot of folk were fired up. When are people going to learn? But she said she's sorry and donated (allegedly) money to cleft lip causes. Because that will make it all better. We suggest she just disappear herself.

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Whinerstein

12/20/2019

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Offenders for the week ending December 20, 2019:

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#3 CARDI B

I don't begrudge anyone their fame nor their fortune. But sometimes, y'all re stupid with your money and it needs addressed. The hip-hopster gifted the man who has everything (her husband, rapper Offset) with $500,000 for Christmas. Oh, the benjis were neatly piled and stacked in the refrigerator.

"You could buy a car, you could buy more clothes, you could buy jewelry, you could buy me more Birkin bags. You could do whatever you want."

That's true. And cool. But this is the fool that cheated on you. His wandering-wang reward is more cash for the strip club? This is not okkkuurrrr.

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#2 LEANNE LOCKEN, Real Housewives of Dallas Castmember

No matter how beautiful you are, race-infused rants are ugly. It amazes me how many reality TV show folk forget that cameras are rolling and that they're mic-ed up-- because they say and do the dumbest things at times.

For someone who spews the mantra that her fellow castmates need to mind their business because their reps could be besmirched in the charity world of Dallas, she's blind to her own advice. The rager has been called out for attacking fellow castmember Kary Brittingham's nationality (but never to her face, of course):

"Come on, Mexican! I thought you were all Mexican and strong and powerful!.. (she is a) chirpy Mexican."

You can take the girl out of the carnival (LeeAnne's backstory), but you can't take the carney out of her...

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#1 HARVEY WEINSTEIN

We should all take a moment to feel sorry for Harvey. No, really. That's what he wants. Because he's been wrongly portrayed as a harass-y d-bag. In a recent interview, the affront to the male gender said he's a hero to women:

"(to be remembered) for doing more professionally for women than anyone in history-- rather than the slew of sickening accusations."

And this:

"(making more) movies directed by women and about women than any filmmaker, and I'm talking about 30 years ago. I'm not talking about now when it's vogue. I did it first! I pioneered it first!"

Thanks, Porky Pilgrim. For your pioneering. But at what cost to those women? You know, the 80+ you're accused of sexually harassing and attacking. Poor Harvey said all his good work has been forgotten. Yes, it has. You're your own ass stain on your own legacy.

Zip it, Fatukus F*ck.

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Finger Lickin' Good

12/6/2019

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Offenders for the week ending December 6, 2019:

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#3 JOE BIDEN

This has nothing to do with politics, but everything to do with bizzare-ness. While on a campaign stop, wife Jill was at the podium doing her talky-thing. Like many of us, she speaks with her hands. And apparently, her hands are delicious, because when she stretched out her hands, Joe leaned forward and nibbled on the tip of one of his wife's fingers.

She laughed it off. Does that mean it's happened before? He's into fingers? Perhaps she smelled of fried chicken? Had Cheetos residue on her fingers, so he was helping her out?

Or perhaps this was something you and your "butt buddy Neil" did back in your frat days. No judgement here...

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#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Why the hate for your stepmom Caitlyn Jenner? According to Caitlyn's memoir, the two haven't spoken much in the past six years. Was it because of Caitlyn's transitioning?

"I started (by telling) Brandon (Jenner) my son (when I was transitioning), and he said to me: 'Dad, I've always been so proud to be your son but I've never been more proud of you than right now."... I went through every kid and Khloe, for some reason, was pissed off about something through this whole process... We were really close, I raised her since she was five years old. I really don't know what her issues are."

It's sad, because most parents love their children no matter what. No matter if there are disappointments, or if they don't see eye-to-eye on something. Perhaps, Khloe, as a parent-- you can see things from the other's perspective. Surely over the course of your life thus far you've done something a parent would raise an eyebrow to (your marriages), but your parents still communicated with you.

Can't we all just get along? Life's too short.

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#1 OLIVIA JADE

The daughter of disgraced actress Lori Loughlin and designer Mossimo Gianulli is baaaaack. Whew! All is right in the world! (note the sarcasm.) The non-college attendee/internet "star" is missing her adoring public.

"Obviously, I've been gone for a really long time and as much as I wish I could talk about all of this, it's really hard for me to say this, just because I know that it's something that needs to be addressed."

Deep.

By the way, her YouTube channel is all about clothing hauls and vlogs. Sure, she misses her "public." More like she's missing out on her endorsement cash and wants back in the influencer game. Poor, rich little brat. I'd be embarrassed to know that my parents think I'm so stupid they have to (allegedly) bribe and lie (allegedly) to get me into college...

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Not What You Think

11/29/2019

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Offenders for the week ending November 29, 2019:

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#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Real Housewives of New Jersey reality TV star

You'd think that after going to jail for nearly 15 months for some shady money dealings, girlfriend would've learned to walk a straight line. She's been hit with a $13,000 tax lien. That's in addition to the $73,000 she owes the IRS. Surely fighting your hubby's deportation has been costly, but you still need to take care of business. The government takes its time in getting you that refund, but immediately wants the money you owe. Isn't Bravo paying you enough? And all that shilling you do on the social media?

Pay. Yo. Bills.

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#2 JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

WTF J.T.? Two-timing your wife, who says she's too sexy to get any acting jobs? Justin was spotted holding hands and getting schnuggie with Alisha Wainwright at a bar in New Orleans. The two are co-starring in the film Palmer. Sources say JT was a little crunk and was holding hands with Alisha for support. That's all. Mmmkay...

"Several cast members were there and it was just a cast gathering. Nothing remotely romantic is going on with Justin and Alisha. The whole cast is shooting out there and like to hang out together. They were very much in public and nothing inappropriate was happening."

Yeah. Not at the bar. Doth protest-eth too much...

So the leg-stroking on her part was an ancient hangover cure? Oh, and he must've left his wedding ring somewhere...

Guess he's vringin' SexyBack (to the back door?)

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#1 BILL COSBY

For the record, he's not sorry for sexually assaulting Andrea Constand because he never did it-- therefore, no remorse. In his first jailhouse interview he said:

"That whole jury thing. They were impostors."

Okay. He believes jurors had already made up their minds before hearing testimony. Oh, and he believes he's going to serve all 10 years behind bars (he's 82) because the parole board is:

"... not going to hear me say that I have remorse."

So what you're saying is you're not the one who drugged a slew of women and assaulted them? Or are you saying someone else framed you by using your "pudding pop" to assault them. What a frame job. Pfffft. It's amazing how a P.O.S. can believe their own lies. And that includes your stupid, enabling, equally rape-y wife.

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Yeezy & Skeezy

11/22/2019

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Offenders for the week ending November 22, 2019:

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#3 KANYE WEST

Though you've been in the line of slap fire many times, you're only getting a minimum one this time around. Your change of heart-- and soul-- and public proclamation of Faith has been surprising. And though you've been very public with your stumbling blocks to living a more Christ-like life, you are still Kanye...

While making an appearance and giving his testimony at Joel Osteen's church in Texas, Kanye declared that he is:

"... the greatest artist that God ever created."

Sigh.

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#2 ANGELINA JOLIE

We all know you're a freak-a-leek, and that you have an interesting personality... but who knew how vindictive you are. Angie and Brad's children are put in the middle of their never-going-to-get-divorced situation. And now, Angie doesn't want Brad to ever see the kids.

"Brad's lost count of the times they haven't been available to see him on special occasions, like birthdays or holidays. On Halloween, Angie made no effort to organize any type of family get-together, so he had no access to the kids once again."

Why so bitter, bitch? You've accused Brad of drunkenness, abusive parenting, and a whole slew of things. Oh, and you said he forced you to get married. Really? You don't strike me as a chick who doesn't do what she doesn't want to. Hey, at least he didn't leave you for another woman like he did his first wife (Jennifer Anniston), you dirty little mistress...

But supposedly she's dating her next share-vials-of-blood-and-wear-on-our-necks victim....

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#1 RAY J

Thanks, dude. Because of your sneaky secret filming of your "happy fun time" with Kim Kardashian back (door)-in-the-day we are infiltrated with Kardashians/Jenners. Apparently, being skeezy is your thing. Because your wife is throwing some massive oak tree shade your way.

Ray J posted a pic of himself, Princess Love (his pregnant wife), and their 18-month-old daughter from the BET Soul Train Music Awards in Vegas last weekend with the caption: "Thank you @bet. #SoulTrainAwards @princesslove @melodylovenorwood". Awwww turned into ohhhhh when Ms. Love posted back:

"Left me and Melody stranded in Vegas and blocked me from calling... now you wanna post family photos."

She added the LOL with tears emoji, so...

Momma said she had a car in Vegas but didn't want to drive back to Cali, all 8-months pregnant and with a toddler. I don't blame her. Unless this woman set your d*ck on fire, you have no reason to abandon her or your child.

Does the "J" in your name stand for "jerk", "jackass", "jagoff", "jackhole"?....

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Unfollowed & Unforgiven

11/15/2019

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Offenders for the week ending November 15, 2019:

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#3 MILEY CYRUS

As well all know by now, Miley has split from her husband, Liam Hemsworth, moved on to some chick named Kaitlyn, and is now partnered with Cody Simpson. Yes, we're getting itchy just thinking about it. But this latest tidbit has landed The Virus back on the list. Miley was reportedly devastated when Liam unfollowed her on Instagram. Yup. Not the whole getting-divorced-is-crushing. A source said:

"She thought somehow they would find their way back to each other and she was holding onto that, but then Liam unfollowed her and that was his way of saying it's really done. Yeah, Liam is not turning back. After all that's been happening with her, she had been distracting herself from it all but now she is really feeling it. It's quite sad."

Boo-effin'-hoo. This is the same chick that took shots at her ex on social media, alluding to some alleged cheating on his part. Methinks now she was just getting back at him for the nasty, rude, heartless UNFOLLOW.

Perhaps you should be more concerned with who follows who in your coochie...

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#2 ABC NEWS & JOEY BUTTAFUOCO

Like a pimple that keeps coming back, you'd think this insult to men and Italians world-round would've disappeared for good. But, no.... Thanks to ABC and its upcoming "Growing Up Buttafuoco" special, we get to re-live the infamous 1992 incident that was milked for TV movies, TV appearances, books, and more.

If you don't recall, 17-year-old Amy Fisher shot Joey's wife Mary Jo in the face in Long Island, New York. Butthead went to jail for six months for statutory rape of Amy. Meanwhile, Amy served time for attempted murder. And Mary Jo suffered from facial paralysis and ear damage from the attack.

With this special, we get to hear from Jessie Buttafuoco-- who was 9-years-old at the time of the attack. Like we really need her perspective?

First off, ABC-- out of ideas for stories? Especially since it's the 27th anniversary. Couldn't wait til the 30th anniversary.

Secondly, Buttaf*cko-- nobody wants to hear from you, nor feels sorry for your lack of wang control and skeevy ways.

P.S. I keep thinking of that SNL skit with Jan Hooks pronouncing Buttafuoco "Butt-uh-foo-oh-co...

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#1 JIM EDMONDS

Who knew this former star baseball player was such a giant douchesniffer!?!? Guess his divorce to his current wife is getting extra ugly as he called police to question her ability to care for their kids after her girls' nite out.

Damn!

"Meghan came home from being out with friends and she had a couple glasses of wine. It was the first time Jim stayed at her house and put the kids to sleep since he filed for divorce, so she met up with friends. She didn't drive...She was washing her face when she heard someone knock around 10:30 pm. An officer was there with Jim and told her Jim said he was worried she couldn't care for the kids."

Meghan was deemed fit by officers. Meanwhile, put your bully bat away Jimmy. You filed for divorce. You want her out of your life.

Jim claimed he was just trying to "protect the situation." K. Didn't you mean, change-your-mind-and-spin-it? This from the guy with an inappropriate relationship with the nanny. This from the guy who sent inappropriate text messages to some rando. But they were non-"rooster" pics, allegedly. Who knows. Maybe at this point it looks like a dried-up drumstick from KFC, so...

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Daddy Gyno

11/8/2019

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Offenders for the week ending November 8, 2019:

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#3 KYLIE JENNER & DRAKE

Love can be complicated. And messy. But when you have a connection with someone... Kylie thinks she and Drake are an item. A source said:

"Kylie and Drake's friendship did take a romantic turn recently. At his Halloween party, they were affectionate and clearly there together... He also showed up to Kendall's birthday."

A source close to Drake, though, said the two aren't an item. Perhaps just a rebound for Drake? Kylie, don't be that chick. And Drake, are you slump-busting after losing JLo?

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#2 EMMA WATSON

I'm getting weary of people creating phrases for things and situations that already exist just to soften the blow of life or to protect one's precious, fragile psyche. I'm talking to you, Emma. She's single. And she's loving it. Wait. I didn't mean to use the word "single".

"I never believed the whole 'I'm happy single' spiel. I was like, 'This is totally spiel.' It took me a long time, but I'm very happy... I call it being self-partnered."

Sigh. Whatevs. It's still being SINGLE. Well, don't self-partner too long of you'll go blind...

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#1 RAPPER T.I.

The rapper is beyond wanting dudes to "wrap it up" for safe sex. He's all about the I'm-taking-you-to-the-gyno method. He's catching a lot of heat on social media for revealing that he takes his daughter to the gyno every year after her birthday. He's been doing this since she turned 16. She's now 18. Hey-- he just wants to make sure the hy-hy is intact. Which he thinks ensures her virginity....

"Right after her birthday, we celebrate, then usually like the day after the party, she's enjoying the gifts, I put a sticky note on the door: 'Tomorrow. 9:30.'"

I. Can't. Even. Look, the thought of your little girl doing the deed and perhaps getting preggo or some disease is worrisome. What isn't cool, is taking your child to the doctor to be humiliated and most likely embarrassed about all things "southern hemisphere." Fortunately, she's 18. So technically, she doesn't need to tell you boo about her hoo hoo. Anyways, what were to happen if she "failed" the exam? You'd kick her out of the house? Cut her out of your will? Way to give someone a stigma...

We need to foster healthy convo about sex. Not this Handmaid's Tale let's-all-look-at-your-crotch b.s. What's the plan for the wedding? The good ol' Old World Tradition of showing everyone the bed sheet after she consummates her union?

I'm thinking T.I. stands for "Total Idiot".

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Two Balls & One Sack

11/1/2019

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Offenders for the week ending November 1, 2019:

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#3 JUSTIN BIEBER

He still has fans. A lot of fans. He promised to release a new album if his Instagram post got some love:

"If this gets 20 million likes Justin Bieber will release an album before Christmas."

Errr... did Justin refer to himself in third person? #douchemove

He's "recently had a burst of creativity" (lucky for us), but said he has no plans of touring cuz he did all that when he was a teenager and hated it. So...

How 'bout if this week's slap list gets a million "likes" you'll leave the U.S. for realzies...

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#2 ANDY COHEN & TERESA GIUDICE

The O.G. of Bravo TV got first dibs on interviewing Teresa and Joe Giudice-- the legal-embattled-marriage-is-sketchy couple from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. After serving his 41-month prison term for fraud, Joe was deported to Italy recently because he never became a U.S. citizen. Teresa has been on her own after serving her 15-month prison term. The two hadn't spoken in years. But then Andy stirred the pot. By recalling a prediction former castmate Caroline Manzo made many years ago: That someone (Joe) would be going away and that Teresa would divorce Joe and show her girls how to be strong.

Slap for Teresa: for thinking and speaking out loud that you think Caroline ratted you out to the FBI because she (Caroline) has lived "that dark life". Whatever that means. Stop blaming others for your shizz. Own up to it. Even your probably-gonna-be-ex husband said he knows who ratted and it wasn't Caroline.

Slap for Andy: you should've defended Caroline. She's not a criminal. She's just a truth-preaching bulldog. Your lack of fruit bowl power won't help you woo her back to the franchise.

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#1 JIM EDMONDS

It wasn't surprising when news of the former baseballer and his Real Housewives of Orange County wifey announced their split. Watching their relationship on the show (when the were cast members) was painful. She was definitely his trophy wife who was struggling to co-parent his teen daughter. But she wanted babies of her own with Jim. He agreed, but wasn't around for her IVF treatments. All seemed a bit better when their first child was born, but then came the stories of his sexting other women and other dalliances while she was preggo with their twins.

And now, Meghan accuses her Jim of extra-curricular play time with the nanny. But which one? They have four nannies and an live-in au pair. That's a lot to choose from...

It's hard to feel sorry for you Meghan. Not saying cheating is cool, cuz it's not. But dude has had two other wives? And he's on the road all the time for his job? And he's a former pro athlete?

Now, Jim vows to make things right with Meghan because she's a wonderful woman. How will you make things right? You're incapable.

1 + 1 + 1 = his bat will be a swingin' for the honey fences whenever he gets the chance... And Jim, your on-the-road-former-star-status is not a Pootie Hall Pass.

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Slap-entine's Day

Daddy Dearest

Greybar Full House

Whinerstein

Finger Lickin' Good

Not What You Think

Yeezy & Skeezy

Unfollowed & Unforgiven

Daddy Gyno

Two Balls & One Sack

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