Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

No Joshin'

5/27/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending May 27th, 2022:

#3 TRAVIS BARKER AND KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN

These two had their lavish, showy wedding in Italy. And they're getting flack from us commoners for the food they served at the reception. Guests were treated to freshly prepared pasta at their tables. But how dare these two wealthy celebs only dish out a measly palm-sized portion. One fan saw the IG post on Kylie Jenner's page and lost her shizz:

"Personally if a portion isn’t the size of my face I’m not interested.”

Actually, that is the proper size of pasta to consume. We Americans are accustomed to biggie this, and biggie that. Remember, these Hollywood folks barely eat, so that was like a year's worth of pigging out!

No slap for the newlyweds. This slap is for the rest of us who need to occasionally take the feedbag off. LOL

via GIPHY

#2 WILL SMITH

We see what you're trying to do here, William. On a David Letterman's podcast, the slapper discussed his memoir and opened up about his troublesome family dynamic growing up.

“When I was 9 years old, I saw my father beat up my mother, and I didn’t do anything. And that just left a traumatic impression of myself as a coward.”

Obviously, childhood trauma sticks with you no matter who you are or what you achieve. But... the excuse calderon is brewing. He couldn't help but slap Chris Rock because he flashed-back to when he was 9 and couldn't protect his mom, and when Chris made fun of his wife, he needed to defend her honor even though he found the joke funny....

Blah, blah, blah.

And you know what? I'm sure many people will give him a pass. They have already. No cancelling the Fresh Prince.

via GIPHY

#1 JOSH DUGGAR

This extremely large POS is getting as much punishment as the law allows. Because if we could exist outside of the law, this non-human would get a whole lot more than 12.5 years in prison. He was found guilty of possessing child porn in December 2021 after a 6-day trial and a 7-hour deliberation.

This isn't his first pervo rodeo. We know all about his touching his own sisters when he was a teenager. And now he's a married man with lots of kids. Gross. Hopefully, they'll change their last name to escape your disgrace.

I'm pretty sure you won't be having a fun time in prison. Because even criminals have a code. And they surely do not like those crimes you're guilty of. Say "hi" to Jared Fogel. Enjoy, bitch.

What the Stank!?!?

8/6/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 6th, 2021:

via GIPHY

#3 MACHINE GUN KELLY (aka: MGK)

K is not okay with his movie "Midnight in the Switchgrass." Plus: he met the love of his life, Megan Fox, on set. Minus: he ain't in the movie that much. In fact, the happy couple skipped the film's premiere and MGK, dropped this tweet:

"If I don't talk or tweet about a movie I'm barely in it's because it's (trash emoji)."

I mean, I applaud your telling the truth. I saw the trailer for this movie and it's not good. First of all, Bruce Willis doesn't need to do these crap movies, or does he? Second, no one is going to believe that your beloved Megan is an FBI agent. Even if I drank an entire bottle of wine would I believe she could be FBI. Unless it's some Cinemax after 11 pm movie, and "switchgrass" is changed to "switchsnatch" and Megan switches identities with another woman to entrap her lover that she believes is cheating on her.

Yes, I just made that up.

via GIPHY

#2 ASHTON KUTCHER AND MILA KUNIS

WTH is it with Hollywood and the lack of hygiene? Seriously. Back in the day, I was crushed when it was revealed by Jennifer Aniston that then-hubby Brad Pitt rarely showered. Peee-you! There'd be no way I'd get near that musty fruitbowl! Wash that entire America-Mexico-South America area!

And now this power couple has consciously uncoupled with soap and water. And their kids, too! They don't believe in washing the entire body. But they do wash their "soles and holes" every day. Praise sweet baby Jesus for that at least! In regards to the kids? If they don't see dirt on them, they don't wash 'em. Hello!!!! They have "soles and holes", too.

Please add "pits and tits" to the list. Those can be some funky areas, too. Or better yet, while you're taking care of South America and Antarctica, wash the entire globe!!!

via GIPHY

#1 R. KELLY

Why isn't this ultimate POS behind bars? Or breathing our good air? Another day, another depraved allegation against this d*uchenozzle. New York prosecutors came forward recently, accusing R (rapist?) of "grooming" young boys. He's accused of asking a minor:

"... what he was willing to do to succeed in the music business and clarified that he wanted John Doe #1 to engage in sexual contact with Kelly."

But there's more:

The teen introduced R. Criminal to John Doe #2, also a minor, and allegedly:

"paid John Doe #2 after sexual encounters with him."

And here's another gem. Federal documents claim the supposed perv's crisis manager bribed a Cook County clerk after the documentary Surviving R. Kelly aired.

Get this anal leak off the streets. He's a menace!

Triggered Much?

6/4/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 4, 2021:

via GIPHY

#3 STASSI SCHROEDER, Former Reality TV Star/Still Tone Deaf and Out of Touch

It's rough when you get fired. Ask us real people, who then have to scramble and hustle to make money-- unlike yourself, Pampered Princess. When Stassi got fired from her Vanderpump Rules gig for racially insensitive social media posts, it was a delicious swig of karma. This gal knows nothing but snark, egomania, and treating others like they're less-than. She was so crushed that she had to cancel her big gender reveal because:

"we just weren't in the mood to celebrate in such a big way."

Not in the mood? Perhaps you were more afraid of the potential backlash after stepping in it and getting dragged on the socials. What was that big celebration anyways? Renting a plane to:

"... fly around Valley Village saying either 'It's a Girl' or 'It's a Boy' so our friends could walk out of their houses, and we could social distance and celebrate."

Thankfully, some baker baked a cake. And that was the reveal, along with a modest social media post. So sorry being racist-ish messed-up your plans. FYI: 99.99999999999% of us could care less what is coming out of your vajayjay.

P.S. Hopefully your daughter will grow up to be a wiser, more aware person than yourself.

via GIPHY

#2 DEMI LOVATO

I was all #TeamDemi as she shared her struggles with body image and addiction. But after social media-shaming an ice cream shop for offering sugar-free flavors and virtue-signaling, I had to walk away from your team. And now, Ms. I'm Gonna Tell You All How to Live is pleading to her fans to stop complimenting weight loss online. Because it triggers her.

"... complimenting someone on their weight loss can be as harmful as complimenting someone on their weight gain with regard to talking to someone in recovery from an eating disorder. If you don't know someone's history with food, please don't comment on their body because even if your intention is pure, it might leave that person awake at 2 am overthinking that statement."

Whoa. Pump the brakes. Continue working with your therapist. We'll handle our issues if you'll handle yours. By the way-- your triggers are yours to learn to manage. It isn't our job to tiptoe around everybody because something like air can be a trigger.

P.S. Were you "California sober" when you spewed on social media?

via GIPHY

#1 LARSA PIPPEN

Enjoy the only time you'll ever be #1 in anybody's book, and it's because of your classy behavior (said sarcastically.) This over-the-hill, clout coin seeking, homewrecking ho-bag should really keep all her holes shut. After her lover, NBA player Malik Beasley got entangled in her poon of doom, he woke up and realized he erred. He publicly apologized to his wife (Montana Yao, who he kicked out his home along with their 2-year-old son), and asked for forgiveness.

Sad, but entertaining-- Montana and Larsa traded shots on the socials. But then Larsa had to low blow. Perhaps low-blowing is something she's good at:

"When I thought about him and how he treated your child, he's not the type of man I want around (me). Any man who would deny his child and then leave the mother penniless is not a real man. He cried entirely too much. He's cheap, but then again you never saw any alimony so you already know that."

Is that why things are over? Is it because the great Scottie Pippen (who you're still married to) isn't giving you enough money? Could be the only reason you were gobblin' a man as old as your son... Your dumbass boy toy doesn't want you. Scottie hasn't wanted you for years. And The Kardashians want nothing to do with you. Ouch.

P.S. Thanks for letting everyone know that you have an OnlyFans account. Maybe you can find a new sucker to suck on there.

Can't Touch This

3/12/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 12, 2021:

via GIPHY

#3 KEVIN CONNOLLY

Apparently, he's still living the Entourage life in his mind, because rules don't apply to him! He was caught on camera throwing a tantrum when his widdle Tesla got towed outside a flower shop in L.A. The thing is, he's lucky his car didn't get towed previously, because he's a chronic asshat.

The manager of said flower shop said he keeps parking his car in their parking lot while he's in the next building recording his podcasts. After leaving multiple notes on his car, the shop had enough. The douchehole went into the shop after his car was towed to rant, and now he's permanently banned.

Look, fool. They asked nicely. You didn't comply because they're just simpletons and you're an important person, right? Entitled POS.

via GIPHY

#2 JANICE DICKINSON

She's always been outspoken, but I think she's just old and grouchy now. Because old people get grouchy. She calls herself the world's first supermodel, so someone asked her about today's supermodels-- like the Hadid sisters and the Jenner sisters. Well, the Crypt Keeper had some feelings:

"No. They're not. They have one look. They don't really diversify their movements. They just stand there and get paid millions of dollars"

That's what models do... ?

"The models of the 70s, 80s do not compare to the models of today, the Instagram models that get famous and they put into Vogue-- the Kylie Jenners and the Gigi Hadids, and the Bella Hadids."

Meow! Maybe you should mentor these subpar models since you're the O.G. After you get your 100th surgery to try to make us think you're not 95.

via GIPHY

#1 NICOLAS CAGE

Just stop it. Stop. Getting. Married. Are you trying to one-up Elizabeth Taylor's eight marriages? I get the "I love you forever" and "this time it'll be different" and "we're soulmates". No. You're assholemates. That's what you are. Anyone that knows who you are knows your track record. Methinks your newest wife had to Google who the eff you are because she's 26 and you're 57. Hello, Daddy-Husband! But the two got married on February 16 in Vegas for good reason:

"The date was chosen to honor the birthday of the groom's late father."

One of his ex-wives attended the intimate ceremony. Touching. I really think the problem here is that Nic has Yellow Fever. While I applaud his love of my fellow yellow, three (3) of his ex-wives have been Asian. Move on to another country after this one flames out...

P.S. If she ever saw Face/Off, she'd probably turn down the proposal...

Not Like Us

2/5/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 5, 2021:

via GIPHY

#3 BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN

What's that I'm hearing? Elsa singing "Let it Go"-- which is what you need to do, (tool) B. A. G.

As things seem to be headed towards nuptials for his estranged wife, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, Brian is dragging his feet on their divorce.

"(Megan) is very serious with MGK and sees him as her soulmate and life partner. Megan would like to wrap it up and get it finished as quickly as possible."

Ah, yes, the good ol' "stall tactic" of "If I can't have her, you can't either."

As much as it hurts, she doesn't want you. Go find your own "soulmate" and "once-in-a-lifetime" partner. Green doesn't look good on you. Get over the envy.

via GIPHY

#2 CHRISSY TEIGEN

Celebrities are not like us, as much as they like to tell us what to do and believe because they used to be like us. "Used to be" is the key phrase. Chrissy tries to stay connected with her followers on the socials by oversharing and by engaging conversation. But if the convo doesn't go her way, well...

Chrissy asked people to tweet: "What's the most expensive thing you've eaten that you thought sucked?" People replied with a variety of things. Then, Chrissy dropped her story:

"One time John (Legend) and I were at a restaurant and the waiter recommended a nice Cabernet. We got the bill and it was $13-thousand. HOW DO (YOU) CASUALLY RECOMMEND THAT WINE. We didn't even finish it and it had been cleared!!!"

And that's when things turned. One person tweeted: "Y'all can accidentally buy a $13-thousand bottle of wine, but most Americans can't afford a $300 emergency." And that's when Chrissy threw a hissy fit. Check out these claws:

"Not everything I say on my twitter is going to be relatable to you because it is my life and my twitter and my stories."

True. But you asked for responses, you unaware, self-absorbed tw%t wrinkle. And... your story was lame. Most people-- even rich ones-- ask how much a bottle of wine is before they give the green light... AND that's the best story you've got? Like, "I spent $10-thousand on some wagyu and it was the size of a quarter." THAT's something to really get p&ssed about.

How 'bout you give yourself a break from social media? (And us in return).

via GIPHY

#1 MARILYN MANSON

Calling this creature a P. O. S. gives pieces of sh&t a bad name. There are no words to describe his horrific and serial killer-esque behavior. His former fiancee, Evan Rachel Wood, has been an advocate for victims of abuse. And she's finally named names. Manson allegedly is the one who horrifically abused her for years. They met when she was 19 and he was 38, and she says he "groomed" her and abused her. Throughout their relationship, Evan says she was brainwashed and manipulated into submission. They split in 2010. And now she says she's no longer in fear of retaliation, slander, or blackmail.

In fact, Manson shared in an interview from 2009 that he wanted to murder Evan. So heartwarming. Four other women have come forward, including Jenna Jameson-- who said she dumped the flaming douchebag after he told her he fantasized about burning her alive. His ex-assistant, Dan Cleary, said he witnessed the abuse of women first hand but said nothing because of "the code". That bullsh*t thing that happens in the entertainment business. Speak up and get blacklisted and lose your job. Keep quiet and keep moving forward (think Bill Cosby x 1 million.)

Former Manson mentor Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has denounced the ingrown pube in a statement, saying he has been vocal over the years about his "dislike of Manson as a person"-- cutting ties 25 years ago. And Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Borland said:

"... He's not a great guy. Every single thing that people have said about him is f*cking true. He needs to be put in check and needs to get sober."

"Put in check"? Yes. Rehab? Eff that. Rehab is a way for celebrities run an hide and gain sympathy for bad behavior-- without consequence. Manson needs to pay for what he's done (allegedly). No amount of "rehab" is going to change what is in the fiber of his being. In this case, it's a lifetime of evil f*ckery."

He needs to be ejected from the planet, ASAP. A one-way trip to Mars should work. Or, some Old Testament-style punishment. Who's in?

Tastes Like Chicken

1/22/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 22, 2021:

via GIPHY

#3 OLIVIA WILDE

Girlfriend. What in the af are you doing? Throwing away your long-term relationship and family for some fresh wiener... Olivia dumped her fiance, Jason Sudeikis, for singer/actor(?) Harry Styles. I mean, good for you that Harry likes older women (she's 10 years his senior), but to walk from a 9-year relationship cuz you're all smitten with some young bloke you met while on the set of a movie? Pffft. You have two young children with Jason-- who's sadly still believing you'll come back. Look, Harry's stroked your ego and you've stroked his... harry. So... wake up! There will be a time when Harry will tire of your 9 pm bedtime and diaper change.

I get it. It's like having veal. That young, tender meat. It's all delicious and fulfilling until you realize you actually like steak. And then you'll want to go back to steak, and then you'll find all your belongings on the front lawn...

via GIPHY

#2 WENDY WILLIAMS

I don't understand this big mouth's popularity. Because I assume if you still have a TV show, people like you? Wendy strikes me as the type of person you don't want to ever know. Because she's POS-y. A lot. Her brother outed her for not attending their mother's funeral, instead, opting to go to lunch with her ex-husband.

"I don't understand not giving a salute to the one person who was always there and showed you support. How can you not go to the funeral and hold up the one parent and family members you have left?"

Ouch. She did go to the wake. Doesn't that count? Well, Wendy decided to unleash on her brother, publicly:

"... let me tell you something right now. All you are is my brother. You better stop talking the way you're talking, because now it's dripping into my (TV show) comment page. He's pegging me to be a person I'm not. Honey, you don't want me to start pegging you to be the person that you are, with full-blown receipts. I could fill the audience with receipts. By the way, do you like my dress, Tommy? He would like a dress like this... "

So, you want to out your brother as a cross-dresser because you didn't go to your mom's funeral? One's an action, the other is one's identity. Perhaps he's only "a brother" to you because you suck.

via GIPHY

#1 ARMIE HAMMER

This dude. He's been living in denial-ish after some scandalous and scary DMs were leaked, revealing his penchant for cannibalism. Yes. For real. He just admitted that a burner Instagram account, which showed revealing pictures of Armie and drug tests and bikini babes-- is his. He made some comments about Miss Cayman Islands, alluding to some intimate knowledge of her, but then confessed he doesn't even know her and was just trying to be funny. Okay. But are you just trying to be funny about your carnivorous desires? This from his ex-mistress:

Paraphrasing: I want to break and barbecue one of your ribs...

And this DM he sent to one his, whatevers:

"You just live to obey and be my slave. If I wanted to cut off one of your toes and keep it with me in my pocket so I always had a piece of you in my possession..."

There's letting your freak flag fly, and then there's Hannibal Lecter... If these stories aren't true, why did you back out of your latest film?

Maybe there'll be another "Silence of the Lambs" reboot and he can star... Hopefully, dude will never open a restaurant. Wouldn't want to know what the secret ingredient is...

Cockodile Tears

12/18/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 18th, 2020:

via GIPHY

#3 JIM EDMONDS & MEGHAN KING

These two are complete idiots. And sadly, they've reproduced. The feuding exes can't keep their drama off of social media. From accusing each other of loose morals, to an accusation of purposely exposing family to COVID, to being abusive, and now this. Jim is claiming his ex-to-be is a filthy P-I-G. In a video he posted, he said:

"Today's the big day. I got my house back. Tenants (your family, Jim) moved out, and I get to clean it up and put it up for sale. Hopefully somebody cleaned it up a little bit, but we will see."

Video shows the house not as tidy as one would expect, with bags of stuff left behind, fingerprints on the appliances, and... poop in the toilet.

Sigh.

Flush it-- like your marriage, girlfriend. It's understandable that this has been a bitter divorce. Jim was not there for you when you finally got pregnant, and then one of your children has medical needs. But lashing out publicly is not a good look-- even if he's doing that to you. Both of you STFU permanently.

via GIPHY

#2 PEREZ HILTON

The celeb blogger took to YouTube to cry literal tears because he's been permanently banned from TikTok. Literal tears. Over a social media platform! He says his:

"World is crumbling."

Really, asshat? The real world is crumbling before us. A pandemic. Civil unrest brewing. People losing their jobs. And you're a grown ass man. A 42-year-old man who's begging TikTok's most popular personality, Charli D'Amelio to help you get back in TikTok's good graces!?!? And you don't know why people are comin' for ya and reporting your content? Your memory is slipping, perhaps. Earlier this year, you took a shot at Ms. D'Amelio. The 15-year-old...

"Anyone else think it's inappropriate for a 15-year-old to dance to this?"

She was dancing to "Sugar" by Brockhamtpon while wearing a bikini. And since Charli has 100+ million followers, they got a little angry. And mobilized to cancel you.

Don't snark unless you can handle retaliation.

via GIPHY

#1 SHIA LABEOUF

I really don't know why this dude is even a celebrity in the first place. Your acting is meh. Your looks are meh. And your humanity is subpar. One of his former girlfriends, FKA Twigs, is suing Shia, accusing him of emotional, physical, and psychological abuse, and-- knowingly giving her an STD.

During a Valentine's Day trip last year, FKA claims that Shia repeatedly got angry with her, drove recklessly, and threatened to crash the car if she didn't say that she loved him. Later at a gas station, he allegedly threw her against the car, screamed in her face, and forced her back in the car. Former girlfriend Karolyn Pho said Shia once drunkenly headbutted her and pinned her to the bed. Both ladies say that he was extremely jealous and didn't like them to look at waiters at restaurants, and had rules about how many times a day they had to touch him.

His response? He denied many of the allegations, but...

"I'm not in a position to tell anyone how my behavior made them feel. I have no excuses for my alcoholism or aggression, or any rationalizations. I have been abusive to myself and everyone around me for years. I have a history of hurting the people closest to me. I'm ashamed of that history and am sorry to those I hurt. There is nothing else I can really say."

Yet, you continue this said pattern. And yes, you've been to "rehab". But apparently, it hasn't worked. Probably because you really don't care. Empty words from you, again. Because a guy who's remorseful doesn't get photographed with a face mask that reads: "Love me like you hate me."

Eff. Off.

I've said it once, I'll say it again because it's 100: Your name most def should be changed to Shia LeDouche. You're just a ginormous POS.

Malik the Dee-ck

12/11/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 11th, 2020:

via GIPHY

#3 OLIVIA JADE GIANNULLI

The YouTube influencer (-ish) has broken her silence over her parents conviction in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. She chose Jada Pinkett-Smith's Red Table Talk to share her innermost emotions, because she felt "safe" there (insert eye roll). She said that at the time of the scandal:

"When it first happened I didn't look at it and say, 'Oh my God like how dare we do this?' I was like, 'Why is everybody complaining? I was confused what we did.' That's embarrassing to admit."

That you're such a dumbass that you didn't know it was wrong to have your parents (Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli) pay $500 thousand to fake your resume and get you into USC? It's apparent you have no brains and no moral compass. Seems like, someone didn't teach you right from wrong. And you really have no clue how the real world works. Yeah. Listening to you ramble on about how sorry you are was vomit-inducing.

Look. You're not sorry. Because we got the receipts of how mad you were at your parents when the scandal broke because they ruined your life and that you lost endorsements... Waaaaah! But... she's turned over a new leaf, y'all. She says she's working with inner city youth, and plans to continue working with underprivileged kids moving forward.

Gonna pay their way into a top-notch school? Cuz methinks you're not a good example for any human. And.... can you be anymore cliche. "Working with underprivileged kids" just glares an even bigger spotlight on your privilege.

via GIPHY

#2 LARSA PIPPEN

Why are you out so much? Because it's your season-- ho, ho, ho-bag! This tone-deaf trollop keeps posting stupid shizz on social media. After basically telling everyone to STFU about that picture of her holding hands with married NBA player Malik Beasley-- because we don't know the story, she's posting her sympathies to those "dealing with heartache." Oh, you mean like Montana Yao-- Malik's wife. Are you praying for her, too?

"God, I pray for healing & comfort for anyone dealing with heartache. I pray that they find refuge in You in the midst of their pain. May You continue to give them the strength to keep going. To push through these dark moments & know You are with them every step of the way."

Wow. Bitch, sit down! And please stop bringing God into your trampdom.

What's next? Are you gonna play the victim and say that Malik lied to you and said what? That he and his wife were on the outs? So it's okay to wang tango with him? And you wonder why the drama-loving Kardashians want nothing to do with you... you give messy a bad look.

P.S. Close your legs to married men-- especially those as old as your son. Vurp.

via GIPHY

#1 MALIK BEASLEY

The NBA baller was perhaps balls-deep in Larsa Pippen. That's bad enough. Because of the whole "I'm married". But what's more repulsive is that this low-life cheating poon chaser kicked his wife and their 2-year-old son out of the family home. Why? Because his wife dared file for divorce because he was caught cheating. Montana Yao took to social media to say:

"(We) were told to leave our family home ten days ago, and just like you all, I'm pretty confused."

The victim getting shamed because she stood up for herself and their child. It's one thing to be a complete ween to your spouse... but to throw out your own flesh and blood? There aren't enough bad things that could happen to you to make up for this. We could start with ripping your balls off, setting them ablaze, and shoving them up your ass... then throwing salt on your wounds. Sounds so magical...

You're exactly the kind of wasted genetic material that gives men a bad rep. Take his card back, gents! Toss him out of your "club" called manhood.

Stronger

12/4/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 20th, 2020:

via GIPHY

#3 JAKE PAUL

A YouTubeTw&t on the list...

He fancies himself an athlete, after defeating former NBA player Nate Robinson in a recent boxing match. It was a knockout, even. And... Jake was already injured when he entered the ring. He had a broken nose. What a tough guy! First of all, it looked like Nate flopped. Second, why not box someone that's an equal physical match? Oh.... cuz you might get your pimply ass handed to you.

This ginormous d-bag is now challenging Conor McGregor to a match.

HA HA HA! Is it possible to punch someone's teeth out through their butthole?

via GIPHY

#2 ISABELLA ROSE

Who dis, you ask? She's one of the demon spawn of disgraced actress Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli. You know, the parents that bribed people to get their two dumbass daughters into college. Well, mommy and daddy are serving their prison sentences right now, and Isabella (a YouTube influencer) is overcome with grief that she needed a getaway. A very expensive weekend away at the five-star Rosewood Miramar Hotel in Santa Barbara. She was spotted with a male friend, frolicking on the beach, while sporting a cutesy sweatshirt with the phrase:

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Your level of hotness is quite subjective. #yourfacelookslikemymentrualcramps

And, way to keep a low profile-- considering you're too stupid to get into college on your own merits. Oh! And way to not respect your parents-- even though they were also stupid enough to actually bribe someone in the first place.

via GIPHY

#1 BRANDON BLACKSTOCK

This guy is Kelly Clarkson's soon-to-be ex-husband. And the sooner, the better. Not only did he blindside her with wanting a divorce, he wants a sh&t ton of her money. While Kelly gets a win in her category regarding custody of their two children, this pube flosser wants $436 thousand a month in spousal/child support. Even though Kelly has primary physical custody, and he has to travel to L.A. for his three weekends a month. What does he need all that support for? Plus, he has the stones to ask for $2 million in attorneys' fees (he has 7 lawyers)!

Eat. A. Steamy. Bag. Of. Warted. Weens.

These two have a pre-nup, so I don't know what else he thinks he should be getting here... He needs a kick to the head, for one thing.

Kelly's former manager is Brandon's dad. Then Brandon became her manager. Girl.... you should've seen this was all kinds of shady. Plus, there's that saying: "Don't shit where you eat".

As sung in your own words: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Douchefecta

10/23/2020

Offenders for the week ending in October 23, 2020:

via GIPHY

#3 JAY CUTLER

Guess the next thing this dude will be throwing is a turd in his diaper. WAAAAAH! Former average pro QB Jay is upset that his wife has potentially moved on with another man since their divorce. Kristen Cavallari was seen smooching with comedian Jeff Dye. Oh the humanity!

"He's not happy seeing her move on."

Oh-effing-well. That's what people do after a breakup. And since you weren't really a good guy during the marriage-- all unsupportive while suckling off your wife's financial teet-- you really have nothing to say now. Zero. Plus, you're a hypocrite. Rumor has it you're taking snaps from Tomi Lahren. It's okay for you to move on, but not your wife. Example #1,005 while you reek of vinegar.

via GIPHY

#2 KELLY DODD, Real Housewives of Orange County cast member

If only adults acted like adults and not big children. Kelly is the perfect example of this, and opening her large trap before thinking. She's a cut-you-to-the-bone mean bitch. 100. In recent slap-worthy moment, she posted a video to social media calling her ex-husband Michael a deadbeat dad. In front of their daughter. Classy.

"Jolie, aren't you glad you have a real dad like Rick Leventhal (Kelly's new husband) instead of your father, Michael, who you haven't seen in how long?"

The 13-year-old child answered it'd been 5 months. We get it. Michael is a known asshat. The two of you have literally been at each other's throats, so much so, that a restraining order was filed against you until you agreed to therapy and alcohol treatment.

Move. On. You're remarried. Your kid already knows her father might be douche-y. But he's still her father. And-- KEEP YOUR DRAMZ OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA. We don't need to see every little thing. But thank you. Because all of you celebrities provide so much material for me each week.

You can be classy. It's in there somewhere. Perhaps under one of your Botox-ed cheeks.

via GIPHY

#1 JAKE PAUL

I hate that we even live in a time where there is such a thing as a "YouTube Star". But since we do, and there are...

Jake is everything that encapsulates the millennial stereotype. He's entitled. He does what he wants to do. And he's rewarded for his bad behavior by the flocks of sheeple out there. And he's got a ton of money. Which makes him even more insufferable. Dude was busted earlier this year for throwing a massive party in Calabasas. Whether you agree or not with the COVID restrictions-- they exist in Cali. And they will bust you.

Fast forward to now and he threw another party. And it was chronicled on social media. Crowds dancing. No masks. Because it's his birthday. So everyone should recognize!

What a joke. Gathering with the intention of trying to catch and spread COVID while having your birthday. Awesome. You'd think a guy who had his house raided by the FBI would be a little more careful... Wait. Since it's not confirmed you have a brain, thinking may not actually occur.

Why can't an asteroid crash his next party?

<<Previous

No Joshin'

What the Stank!?!?

Triggered Much?

Can't Touch This

Not Like Us

Tastes Like Chicken

Cockodile Tears

Malik the Dee-ck

Stronger

Douchefecta

About The Slap

Archives

Categories