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Shut. Up. Please

6/5/2020

 
Offenders for the week ending June 5, 2020:
There are plenty that have made the list, mostly over their faux "solidarity" with the African-American community during this past week. But the number is too great. So this is how we're doing the slap this week.

People like reality TV star Kathryn Dennis-- who had her own controversy with African-American radio personality Mika Gadsen in which it was discovered that Kathryn had DM'd Mika some supper-charged messages that included monkey emojis. When asked by Kathryn's fans what context those emojis were used, she went silent on the socials... only to comeback later with her "support" of former President Barack Obama. So blatantly pandering and thirsty. Zip it.

And YouTuber Jake Paul who was participating in the looting and rioting-- a toolbag worth millions of dollars-- but said he wasn't. He was just capturing the moment on video for his channel. Yeah. Idiot. And we make these people famous. Again. Stop.

So let's move on to the events involving this individual who shall serve as the slapee this week:

via GIPHY

#3, #2, #1 LEA MICHELE
You wonder sometimes when someone appears so bubbly and picture perfect if they're really that, or are they gluing your picture and cursing your name in their Burn Book... And it's been proven that Lea is just a raging diva bitchbag under all that fabulousity.  She tweeted her show of support in memory of George Floyd and BLM. Which seemed thoughtful. But that opened up the floodgates of WTF from former castmates of "Glee". Several former African-American co-stars spilled the tea about life on the set with Lea-- and the taste is so bitter. Samantha Marie Ware tweeted:

"I BELIEVE YOU TOLD EVERYONE THAT IF TOU (sic) HAD THE OPPORTUNITY YOU WOULD 'SH-T IN MY WIG!" AMONGST OTHER TRAUMATIC MICROAGRESSIONS THAT MADE ME QUESTION A CAREER IN HOLLYWOOD."

A day later, Lea apologized... kinda:

"When I tweeted the other day, it was meant to be a show of support for our friends and neighbors and communities of color during this really difficult time, but the responses I received to what I posted have made me also focus specifically on how my own behavior towards fellow cast members was perceived by them. While I don't remember ever making this specific statement and I have never judged others by their background or color of their skin, that's not really the point. What matters is that I clearly acted in ways which hurt other people."

Okay. She may not be a racist, but she is not a nice person to work with. A majority of her co-stars of all genders and races have attested.  Making everyone feel like they're unworthy and literally not allowed to sit at your table is just being a shitty human.

This is what happens when you share your "thoughts and prayers", and change your picture to a black square and say you "don't understand but stand" and every other trendy, cliche-ish thing on social media so you appear sensitive and and evolved. What are you truly doing the other 364 days of the year? Are you having genuine dialogue about race issues and being honest about your feelings? Otherwise, your platitudes are disingenuous and empty. So stop. Just. Stop. Your heartfelt sympathies will kick you in the babymaker every time if you really don't have a heart. Period.

NOTE: By no means am I insinuating that every person who has changed their profile picture, or re-posted memes or sayings is not real. Or doesn't really care. But there are many who follow along because of FOMO. And the need to "live their best life" on social media. The most important thing is how you're living your life-- your real life.


Twit Epidemic

8/16/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending August 16, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former Southern Charm castmember
People can be hateful, hell-bent on destroying someone else. And people with privilege and money are even more hateful because they feel they can get away with it. This disgraced former politician served time in a federal prison for intent to sell a large amount of cocaine. He's been accused multiple times of assaulting women. He was exited from a reality TV show. And now, he won't stop fighting his baby momma, Southern Charm castmember Kathryn Dennis-- whether in court or via social media. This dude is on a smear campaign and is determined to hurt her every way he can.

Kathryn's mother recently died after a long battle with cancer. So, this psycho ass hat felt it was the perfect opportunity to kick someone when they're down. On the day of this woman's passing, Rapenel (alleged) posted a picture of his mother with his children by Kathryn on Twitter. Low blow. One Twitter follower called him out:

                            "Really? Timing is everything. You suck more every day."

True. Perhaps he'll go back to prison and suck whatever every day.

via GIPHY

#2 OLIVIA JADE
This bratty rectum fungus has made a major life decision. She's not going back to USC! You know, that university that her mommy and daddy (Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannuilli) lied and cheated (allegedly) to get her into. She's now going to return to her career as: Social Media Influencer.

"She never wanted to attend USC to begin with, and now she is sure that USC isn't the place for her. Right now her goal is to rebuild her brand and business."

Good luck. She lost a ton of jack after brands dropped her during the scandal. Her "people" are trying to convince her to start her own brand of something-- cosmetics, clothing. Whatevs. But since she has no ethics, perhaps her brand should test on animals, make clothing in sweatshops, etc... Here's an idea-- She could pimp things for liars: burner phones, clean urine samples, Ashley Madison subscriptions....

Here's another idea: Eat a large bag of dicks.

via GIPHY

Speaking of eating some Oscar Mayer, Miley is apparently done with meat and is going vajeegan. After less than a year of marriage to Liam Hemsworth, she's decided to call it quits. In a mutual statement:

"Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is what's best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Please respect their process and privacy."

Privacy? This cooch waffle is nothing but an open-spread-eagle book. How many times have we been tortured with pics of her crotch? And that damned tongue sticking out of her stupid head! Anywho, she left her hot hubs for Brody Jenner's ex-wife Kaitlynn Carter. Miley and Kaitlynn took a girl's trip to Italy, and when they returned-- Miley dumped Liam. What a coincidence. 

Seriously, who would ever want to be near this petri dish? Like the air around her would be heavy with funk. You really are a virus, Cyrus. MRSA times a thousand. How much penicillin will it take to wipe you from the planet?

Forget "Felicia"

6/29/2018

 
Offenders for the week ending June 29, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 HEATHER LOCKLEAR
Right now, you're the turd swirling the bowl. We're slapping you so you won't end up in the sewer! 

Last week, Heather was hospitalized under a psychiatric evaluation for allegedly threatening to shoot herself. Now, she faces misdemeanor charges of battery on a police officer and emergency personnel. She was allegedly drunk and belligerent at her home, then threw a punch at a deputy, and tried to kick  an EMT. Back in February, Heather was arrested on charges of domestic violence and misdemeanor battery on an officer after she fought with her boyfriend.

Look, we all have issues. Self-medicating is not a way to cope. You're not alone in your struggles. And you're more than just an actress. You're a mother, and you belong to people who love you. Embrace that!

via GIPHY

#2 ALSC
I know the Association for Library Service to Children isn't a celebrity, but this organization needs slapped. The ALCS is renaming its Laura Ingalls Wilder Award for children's literature because of her portrayal of Native Americans. The president of the organization says Ingalls Wilder's works are not being dismissed, but are not reflective of what they want an award to exemplify. She was born in 1867 and died in 1957. I'm sure her experiences with Native Americans were different than ours. The world was a very different place and times change. Why aren't educators and librarians and these so called smart folk teaching these classics in the context of the times in which they were written. Make this a teachable moment?

That would be the evolved thing to do. But, it's easier to try and alter history. Guess what? Trying to erase history is not going to change anything. You may feel good about yourself, but if you're not educating, this move is all just for show. We can only grow if we learn from mistakes. Trying to hide history makes us destined to repeat it.

via GIPHY

​#1 ASHLEY JACOBS (from Southern Charm)
This douche chunk may very well be the most repulsive character on reality TV. If you were ever curious what a psycho looks like, you'd see her pic first. I've endured a lot of annoying reality types on various shows, but this beyotch makes me want to dropkick her right in the babymaker. This skankasaurus maneuvered her way onto Southern Charm by entrapping show co-star/boyfriend Thomas Ravenel within her deathsnatch. She was a nurse in California, but once she met Ravenel in da club, she turned on her charm. And since the alleged Rapenel hasn't met a vajay he can't refuse, they quickly "fell in love." She gave up her life and career to move to South Carolina to be his baby juice dumpster. 

After evilly questioning Kathryn Dennis' parenting skills (she's Thomas' baby momma, FYI), she then revealed the quality she loves most about TRav:

                                                             "you're a good provider."

Let me translate: You're a money-grubbing trash donkey.

If Ashley were truly smart, she would've played Ravohno way better. If I were Assley, I would've come to Charleston, gotten my nursing license, expressed how all I want to do is be a career woman, and when he complains about not seeing me-- well, you know he'd ask you to quit your job. Perfect. But since all she does all day is troll social media and make up fake accounts to attack Kathryn, she's showing what a true whackadoodle she is. 


Hide your men; hide your bunnies. #HiAshley is in da hood! Can #ByeAshley replace "Bye, Felicia"?

Double Standard

5/11/2018

 
Offenders for the week ending May 11, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 THOMAS RAVENEL
In case you don't know, this former state treasurer is a cast member of the Bravo reality TV show Southern Charm. The reason he's a former state treasurer is because he went away on a federal drug conviction. And trust me, there is nothing charming about this f*ck waffle. He has a nasty case of "wandering wang disease" and has never seen a "pink taco" he didn't want to get a handful of.

The 55-year-old is most infamous for twice impregnating his 25-year-old toxic on-again-off-again lover, Kathryn Dennis. Well, he's making headlines again-- this time accused of meeting a woman on Tinder in 2015 and sexually assaulting her. The alleged victim's daughter had this to share:

"(My mother) told me that he grabbed her by the wrist and held her down. He then proceeded to pull his penis out... She said 'no' and then he shoved his fingers inside of her..."

Mom didn't report the assault because he's powerful. And has a lot of money. The woman settled and agreed to zip it. Which is what this "cookie jar" burglar needs to do. Grow up; act like a true gentleman; quit dating your granddaughters; and... concentrate on raising your children, Rape-enel!

via GIPHY

#2 DRAKE
What do you have to say now, Drakey-poo? Your boys got swept by the Cavs. BWAA HAAA HAAAA! Anywho, the NBA the the Toronto Raptors organization have reprimanded him for his verbal altercation with our own Kendrick Perkins during Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals in Toronto. Why is this a problem? Drake is the global ambassador for the Raptors, so you kinda need to keep your shizz in line. 

Drake and Perkins started trading jabs at halftime.

"What happened was I was talking to my old teammate Serge walking into halftime telling him 'We about to win this game.' and Drake butted in talking sh*t to me. So I said something back to him."

At the end of the game (the Cavs won in OT) Drake allegedly called Perkins a "f*cking p*ssy."

Drake would know what a meow meow is. Mr. Scaredy-Cat-Commitment-Phobe. Being a famous rapper you can't come up with a better insult? Sad.

Well, at least you're good at putting the "ass" in ambassador. 

via GIPHY

#1 DJ KHALED
Somebody dug up an old interview with this dude. So what. Well, the "who-ha" is over comments he made about his lack of desire. Of "orating" on the ladies... if you're feelin' what I mean. See, Khaled is "the king" and while his wife is "the queen", he's not down with going down. Take a listen:
Let's clarify. He wants you to be into woodwinds, but he won't play the ocarina. Douchebag.

What about yin and yang; give and receive; goose and gander? The internets fellated, I mean, filleted Mr. No Munch. Proving why The Rock is forever awesome, Dwayne Johnson commented:

"Ahem... *clears throat* as a man, I take great pride in mastering ALL performances. This is probably a little TMI..."

Don't knock it 'til ya try it, Khaled. It's never to late to learn and it doesn't make you any less of a man, you fool.

​So, open yo mouth wide and become a linguist...

    About The Slap

    I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)

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