Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior - Haus of V

Shake It Off

3/5/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 5, 2021:

#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Cast Member/Real Housewives of New Jersey

As one of the Housewives franchise's O.G.s, she knows her days are numbered. She's making some serious coin, and she needs a storyline to stay relevant. Seriously. She's already gone to jail. Her husband got deported after serving his jail time, and then they divorced. Now what? Well, start a rumor-- no matter who it hurts. Momma's gotta support three kids at home while the fourth is in college!

Our favorite table-flipping housewive kicked-off the new season by spreading a rumor about fellow castmate Jackie's husband. At his birthday party. Classy. She told anyone that would listen that Jackie's husband "screws around" with women when he's at the gym. But she didn't have proof, and couldn't remember who shared this info with her.

Have a seat, beyotch! This isn't the first time she spread such filth. She pulled the same "I heard" b.s. with her own sister-in-law, and when someone spread a rumor about her and her former husband cheating on each other, well.... things got ugly. What a memory of convenience.

I think we need to retire some of these O.G.s, or give all the O.G.'s their own show where they can pull each other's hair out and claw each other's faces. Or let us do it for the complete satisfaction.

#2 PAT SAJAK

Just like the late Alex Trebek, this dude is synonymous with the game show he's hosted forever-- Wheel of Fortune. But his luck may have run out after the Twittersphere's collective mind nearly exploded after he made fun of a contestant with a speech impediment.

During contestant Chris Bimble's introduction, Pathole mimicked his lisp. He put on a fake lisp to answer, "I see" as "I thee." In fact, he mocked this poor man twice. What in the af!?!?! While Chris laughed it off, you know it wasn't cool. Surely he didn't think it was cool, either. But what do you do when you're just a common person on national TV? He rolled with it. I'm sure this man has dealt with being teased his entire life for his impediment. Why does a highly-paid asshat feel the need to mock someone who obviously loves the show and is a pro at solving puzzles?

Shame on you. You should know better. You're like 5,000 years old. With age comes wisdom-- but not in this case.

I know you play games for a living. But there's no place in a 2021 world for a playground idiot.

#1 TAYLOR SWIFT

I used to like TayTay. Now, I find her completely annoying. I was totally on her side when that whole thing went down with that douche-y DJ grabbing her bootay during a meet-and-greet way back when. I've admired her work ethic, and felt empathy for the isolated life she lives because of her fame. I even thought it sucked warted ween when she lost the rights to her original recordings through a shady record deal her dad made. But I'm a million percent over her whining. Like, seriously. For such an empowered, growly female-- you need thicker skin.

Her latest boo hoo sesh? The Netflix series "Ginny and Georgia" made a joke at her expense. EGADS! The joke?

"What do you care? You go through men faster than Taylor Swift."

That's a lot of men... Anywho, she snapped back on Twitter:

"How about we stop degrading hard working women by defining this horse shit as FuNnY."

Taylor! Language! She also took exception with Netflix, which carried her documentary, "Miss Americana" for having such a show on its service-- saying:

"Also, @Netflix after Miss Americana this outfit doesn't look cute on you. Happy Women's History Month I guess."

Waaaaah. Girl, you have f&ck you money. Who cares? Be grateful you're still relevant. Be grateful that you're such a part of pop culture that people wanna take a shot at you. Follow your own advice in that "Shake it Off" song of yours and shake it off!

Funbags & Moneybaggs

2/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 19, 2021:

#3 Reality TV-er MADISON LECROY of Southern Charm (but that's not her in the GIF)

From spreading to rumors to possibly spreading her home-wrecking legs, this reality TV "star" knows the game-- out of sight, out of mind. So stay in "sight". From rumored affairs with Jay Cutler and A-Rod, and now getting that body tight and right for her prowling and pouncing. At least she admits to all her new plastic surgery-- unlike many celebs. Of course, she said it was not for vanity purposes:

"I never thought I would need, much less want, plastic surgery. However, after giving birth to a 10lb baby eight years ago, I no longer felt confident in my own skin... there are areas that don't quite bounce back to where they were originally."

You do you, boo. And apparently anything with a hang-low... I give her an "A" for keeping her name out there. Whether she's a ho or a no, she's getting some pub. That, and maybe a disease. Who knows?

P.S. Is a vaj rejuv next? Cuz we know that's like a 10-wide L.A.-type highway you got going there.

#2 Rapper, MONEYBAGG YO

I don't know who in the af this is. And I'm okay with that. But with a name like "Moneybagg Yo" you deserved to be slapped. But the real reason you deserve to be slapped is your lack of awareness. See, Mr. Yo took to the socials to brag about all the money he's made during these "unprecedented times". You know, a time when people have lost their jobs, can't go anywhere, and some have died. Good times.

"... not gone lie I made a couple of Ms in da pandemic, ion want it to end. I feel like the pandemic help a lot of people."

It's helped us? Please drink a water tower-sized portion of STFU. We're all so glad the pandemic hit cuz life was just so sad and boring. The Bag tried to apologize after the socials raged against him, though:

"I apologize to everyone I offended my comment was very insensitive it was not my intent to hurt anyone."

Apparently, it wasn't your intent to use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, but you made your pile so, whatevs....

I really think your name should be Dickbagg Tho

#1 GWYNETH PALTROW

I didn't find her irritating as an actress. But as a human and self-proclaimed lifestyle guru, I find her extremely not tolerable. From her pimping "affordable" $3,000 spring wardrobes, to coochie steaming, and candles that smell like her vaj, comes the latest-- a Gwynie designed "intimate massager."

She said she had a lot of time on her hands (so to speak) during the QT, so why not channel some good vibes for her channel? I, frankly, don't want to share any connection with this wench. And secondly, charging $95 for a vibe that looks like a giant lollipop ain't tight. Leave the good times to that Adam & Eve website. Stick to being what you're good at-- a self-absorbed, out-of-touch "elite."

It's not that you've really done something offensive to top The Slap this week, except existing in general. You're like a grain of sand in a clam-- but you don't turn into a pearl. You just give the clam an infection...

Mr. Massengil

2/12/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 12, 2021:

#3 BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

The Boss was sauced. It's been revealed that the rocker was arrested back in November at Gateway National Recreation Area in Jersey for having some adult beverage action. He was cited for DWI, reckless driving, and consuming alcohol in a closed area. He's due in court in the next few weeks. Such a shame someone who's recently been virtually signaling is one to behave not-so-virtuously. But such as it is with celebrities and people with fat wallets: "Do as I say, not as I do."

Perhaps he should write an acoustic album of drunken ballads and name it: Booze in the USA. And while you're at it, go ahead and eat a Tunnel of Love-size back of d&cks.

#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

I appreciate and support the notion of redemption. But this dude has a history of slingin' is ding dong around willie nillie-- so to speak. Why subject yourself to potential heartache-- again? It appears the two are back together. She's forgiven him for cheating on her a couple of times and believes he's a changed man.

Okay.

And... it appears they want to give their 2-year-old daughter, True, a sibling. They have the frozen embryos ready to go. That's the best option, Khloe, because history does repeat itself. Get your baby, but toss the baby daddy. Remember: Take your heart out of this equation and keep his hard out of your pants!

#1 SHIA LABEOUF

The douche extraordinaire finally makes a statement, sort of-- regarding the lawsuit filed against him by FKA Twigs (Tahliah Barnett). As we shared previously, she says she was subjected to physical, emotional, sexual and verbal abuse, courtesy of Shia. Now, he's responded-- through his attorney's prepared statement:

"(Shia) denies generally and specifically, each and every allegation contained in (Tahliah Barnett's) Complaint, denies that (Barnett) has sustained any injury or loss by reason of any act or omission on the part of (Shia), and denies that (Barnett) is entitled to any relief or damages whatsoever."

His lawyers say the charges should be dismissed because "none of the acts alleged were based on sex and/or the conduct was not sexual."

?

She's claiming sexual abuse as well. So... what in the af do you mean? Dude, please. You're a giant steamy turd pile. I know it's hard for you to accept, but you're not a quality human-- if you're human at all.

Sixth Senseless

1/29/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 29, 2021:

#3 PAMELA ANDERSON

Usually, "quitting" isn't encouraged. In this case, you need to quit with the whole "marriage" thing. Pamela just got married for a 6th time. Everyone else is saying five, but she did "marry" Jon Peters last year because she needed someone to pay her debts. Anywho, the latest train down the Pam track is Dan Hayhurst-- her bodyguard. They fell in love during the lockdown. How cliché and convenient. Kinda like the plot for "The Bodyguard"... Surely, they had no prenup because she has no money. But who needs money with all that love floating around?

The intimate ceremony happened on Christmas Eve. No family or friends were present, but everyone gave their blessing. The bride was not wearing white (we're assuming.)

#2 DALE MOSS, former Bachelorette "winner"

We all knew when Bachelorette Clare Crawley "blew up" the show, leaving four weeks into her season with Dale that things might not (wouldn't) be "happily ever after". Especially after host Chris Harrison did that follow-up interview with the couple and asked what the next steps were and she maniacally squealed: "Baaabieeeeees!" And Dale looked like a deer in headlights.

Last week, Dale and Clare called it quits because they basically weren't on the same page. According to Clare, Dale's public statement of their split was the first time she heard they had split. Say what?

"I was made aware of a 'mutual' statement at the same time you all were, so I've needed some time to really digest this... I am crushed. This was not what I expected or hoped for and am still trying to process this."

If this is true, damn! Not the way to break up with someone. Buuuut, Dale claims both were aware of their issues. This is why you don't try to find "true love" on reality TV.

#1 IOAN GRUFFUDD

I don't know how to pronounce this guy's name, nor do I care. So let's call him "Dick". Because that's exactly what he is. The "Fantastic Four" star and his wife are finished. Poor Alice Evans was blindsided:

"My beloved husband/soulmate of 20 years, Ioan Gruffudd, has announced he is to leave his family, starting next week. Me and our young daughters are very confused and sad. We haven't been given a reason except that he 'no longer loves me'. I'm so sorry."

He's now your "holemate", honey. As in "asshole".

After two decades, he's walking away? You know this fool probably got some of that "magical" tang and is all lusty and stupid. Good riddance. Dry your tears with all his money and go find a "toy" that will satisfy you without all the drama. Meanwhile, douse your husband's mangina in some honey and let some fire ants crawl all over him....

Tastes Like Chicken

1/22/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 22, 2021:

#3 OLIVIA WILDE

Girlfriend. What in the af are you doing? Throwing away your long-term relationship and family for some fresh wiener... Olivia dumped her fiance, Jason Sudeikis, for singer/actor(?) Harry Styles. I mean, good for you that Harry likes older women (she's 10 years his senior), but to walk from a 9-year relationship cuz you're all smitten with some young bloke you met while on the set of a movie? Pffft. You have two young children with Jason-- who's sadly still believing you'll come back. Look, Harry's stroked your ego and you've stroked his... harry. So... wake up! There will be a time when Harry will tire of your 9 pm bedtime and diaper change.

I get it. It's like having veal. That young, tender meat. It's all delicious and fulfilling until you realize you actually like steak. And then you'll want to go back to steak, and then you'll find all your belongings on the front lawn...

#2 WENDY WILLIAMS

I don't understand this big mouth's popularity. Because I assume if you still have a TV show, people like you? Wendy strikes me as the type of person you don't want to ever know. Because she's POS-y. A lot. Her brother outed her for not attending their mother's funeral, instead, opting to go to lunch with her ex-husband.

"I don't understand not giving a salute to the one person who was always there and showed you support. How can you not go to the funeral and hold up the one parent and family members you have left?"

Ouch. She did go to the wake. Doesn't that count? Well, Wendy decided to unleash on her brother, publicly:

"... let me tell you something right now. All you are is my brother. You better stop talking the way you're talking, because now it's dripping into my (TV show) comment page. He's pegging me to be a person I'm not. Honey, you don't want me to start pegging you to be the person that you are, with full-blown receipts. I could fill the audience with receipts. By the way, do you like my dress, Tommy? He would like a dress like this... "

So, you want to out your brother as a cross-dresser because you didn't go to your mom's funeral? One's an action, the other is one's identity. Perhaps he's only "a brother" to you because you suck.

#1 ARMIE HAMMER

This dude. He's been living in denial-ish after some scandalous and scary DMs were leaked, revealing his penchant for cannibalism. Yes. For real. He just admitted that a burner Instagram account, which showed revealing pictures of Armie and drug tests and bikini babes-- is his. He made some comments about Miss Cayman Islands, alluding to some intimate knowledge of her, but then confessed he doesn't even know her and was just trying to be funny. Okay. But are you just trying to be funny about your carnivorous desires? This from his ex-mistress:

Paraphrasing: I want to break and barbecue one of your ribs...

And this DM he sent to one his, whatevers:

"You just live to obey and be my slave. If I wanted to cut off one of your toes and keep it with me in my pocket so I always had a piece of you in my possession..."

There's letting your freak flag fly, and then there's Hannibal Lecter... If these stories aren't true, why did you back out of your latest film?

Maybe there'll be another "Silence of the Lambs" reboot and he can star... Hopefully, dude will never open a restaurant. Wouldn't want to know what the secret ingredient is...

Malik the Dee-ck

12/11/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 11th, 2020:

#3 OLIVIA JADE GIANNULLI

The YouTube influencer (-ish) has broken her silence over her parents conviction in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. She chose Jada Pinkett-Smith's Red Table Talk to share her innermost emotions, because she felt "safe" there (insert eye roll). She said that at the time of the scandal:

"When it first happened I didn't look at it and say, 'Oh my God like how dare we do this?' I was like, 'Why is everybody complaining? I was confused what we did.' That's embarrassing to admit."

That you're such a dumbass that you didn't know it was wrong to have your parents (Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli) pay $500 thousand to fake your resume and get you into USC? It's apparent you have no brains and no moral compass. Seems like, someone didn't teach you right from wrong. And you really have no clue how the real world works. Yeah. Listening to you ramble on about how sorry you are was vomit-inducing.

Look. You're not sorry. Because we got the receipts of how mad you were at your parents when the scandal broke because they ruined your life and that you lost endorsements... Waaaaah! But... she's turned over a new leaf, y'all. She says she's working with inner city youth, and plans to continue working with underprivileged kids moving forward.

Gonna pay their way into a top-notch school? Cuz methinks you're not a good example for any human. And.... can you be anymore cliche. "Working with underprivileged kids" just glares an even bigger spotlight on your privilege.

#2 LARSA PIPPEN

Why are you out so much? Because it's your season-- ho, ho, ho-bag! This tone-deaf trollop keeps posting stupid shizz on social media. After basically telling everyone to STFU about that picture of her holding hands with married NBA player Malik Beasley-- because we don't know the story, she's posting her sympathies to those "dealing with heartache." Oh, you mean like Montana Yao-- Malik's wife. Are you praying for her, too?

"God, I pray for healing & comfort for anyone dealing with heartache. I pray that they find refuge in You in the midst of their pain. May You continue to give them the strength to keep going. To push through these dark moments & know You are with them every step of the way."

Wow. Bitch, sit down! And please stop bringing God into your trampdom.

What's next? Are you gonna play the victim and say that Malik lied to you and said what? That he and his wife were on the outs? So it's okay to wang tango with him? And you wonder why the drama-loving Kardashians want nothing to do with you... you give messy a bad look.

P.S. Close your legs to married men-- especially those as old as your son. Vurp.

#1 MALIK BEASLEY

The NBA baller was perhaps balls-deep in Larsa Pippen. That's bad enough. Because of the whole "I'm married". But what's more repulsive is that this low-life cheating poon chaser kicked his wife and their 2-year-old son out of the family home. Why? Because his wife dared file for divorce because he was caught cheating. Montana Yao took to social media to say:

"(We) were told to leave our family home ten days ago, and just like you all, I'm pretty confused."

The victim getting shamed because she stood up for herself and their child. It's one thing to be a complete ween to your spouse... but to throw out your own flesh and blood? There aren't enough bad things that could happen to you to make up for this. We could start with ripping your balls off, setting them ablaze, and shoving them up your ass... then throwing salt on your wounds. Sounds so magical...

You're exactly the kind of wasted genetic material that gives men a bad rep. Take his card back, gents! Toss him out of your "club" called manhood.

Stronger

12/4/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 20th, 2020:

#3 JAKE PAUL

A YouTubeTw&t on the list...

He fancies himself an athlete, after defeating former NBA player Nate Robinson in a recent boxing match. It was a knockout, even. And... Jake was already injured when he entered the ring. He had a broken nose. What a tough guy! First of all, it looked like Nate flopped. Second, why not box someone that's an equal physical match? Oh.... cuz you might get your pimply ass handed to you.

This ginormous d-bag is now challenging Conor McGregor to a match.

HA HA HA! Is it possible to punch someone's teeth out through their butthole?

#2 ISABELLA ROSE

Who dis, you ask? She's one of the demon spawn of disgraced actress Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli. You know, the parents that bribed people to get their two dumbass daughters into college. Well, mommy and daddy are serving their prison sentences right now, and Isabella (a YouTube influencer) is overcome with grief that she needed a getaway. A very expensive weekend away at the five-star Rosewood Miramar Hotel in Santa Barbara. She was spotted with a male friend, frolicking on the beach, while sporting a cutesy sweatshirt with the phrase:

"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Your level of hotness is quite subjective. #yourfacelookslikemymentrualcramps

And, way to keep a low profile-- considering you're too stupid to get into college on your own merits. Oh! And way to not respect your parents-- even though they were also stupid enough to actually bribe someone in the first place.

#1 BRANDON BLACKSTOCK

This guy is Kelly Clarkson's soon-to-be ex-husband. And the sooner, the better. Not only did he blindside her with wanting a divorce, he wants a sh&t ton of her money. While Kelly gets a win in her category regarding custody of their two children, this pube flosser wants $436 thousand a month in spousal/child support. Even though Kelly has primary physical custody, and he has to travel to L.A. for his three weekends a month. What does he need all that support for? Plus, he has the stones to ask for $2 million in attorneys' fees (he has 7 lawyers)!

Eat. A. Steamy. Bag. Of. Warted. Weens.

These two have a pre-nup, so I don't know what else he thinks he should be getting here... He needs a kick to the head, for one thing.

Kelly's former manager is Brandon's dad. Then Brandon became her manager. Girl.... you should've seen this was all kinds of shady. Plus, there's that saying: "Don't shit where you eat".

As sung in your own words: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Practice What You Preach

11/20/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 20th, 2020:

#3 MEGHAN KING AND JIM EDMONDS, Real Housewives of Orange County former castmember; baseball dude

These two assh&les actually give the physical anatomy a bad name. It's obvious this soon-to-be-divorced couple hate each other. Loathe may be a better word. But their loathing is even beyond that. Jim Edmonds may have been a baseball "legend", but he's more legendary at being a horrible, cheating spouse. (Way to bang the nanny!) And Meghan is a self-righteous, sanctimonious princess who really, really needs to eat a sandwich.

Jim had COVID a while back. And now Meghan has it. But one of Jim's daughters from another disastrous marriage is claiming the Meghan intentionally exposed the entire Edmonds family-- including Meghan's own kids-- to COVID. I would like to think no one would use this as a weapon on anybody else, but... some people have ill intentions. Anywho, everyone's airing their dirty shorts because that's the thing to do. I hope these two "adults" never reproduce again. With anyone. But thanks for the messiness. Because we all feel better about our awesome lives compared to yours.

#2 ISAIAH WASHINGTON

(Yeah, I know. The gif is of Katherine Heigl. But there aren't any gifs of Isiah, so...)

Nothing like re-engaging in an old beef. Isaiah and his former "Grey's Anatomy" co-star Katherine Heigl are butting heads again-- this time on the socials. Over his controversial exit from Grey's over a decade ago, thanks to her accusation that Isaiah called one of their co-stars a homophobic slur. In a tweet earlier this week, he shared a photo of Heigl and this:

"This woman once proclaimed that I should 'never' be allowed to speak publicly again. The world agreed with her proclamation back then and protested for my job and my head in 65 languages. I wish I was on Twitter in 2007, because i will NEVER stop exercising my free speech."

No one knows why he went all rage-y. Perhaps he's vying to the the first person cancelled before cancel culture became a thing.

Look, Isaiah. Just zip it and use a voodoo doll for your aggressions like the rest of us...

#1 ELLEN DEGENERES

I absolutely cannot stand a hypocrite. And Ellen is a huge, stinky pile of hypocrite. The same Ellen that faced serious allegations of racism, unfair work practices, and toxicity in the workplace, has the audacity to keep shoving down our throats her "Be Kind" mantra. With that sentiment in mind-- words she allegedly does not live by-- she just released her "Be Kind" subscription box just in time for the holidays.

Oh, yipee!

Ellen says the box is all about spreading kindness with brands that do the same. All for the low price of $55.

So, let's review. You're most likely an undercover-ish beyotch who has this facade of "peace, love and unicorn farts", who still doesn't realize that your fans (average people) are trying to stay afloat during this never-ending pandemic. Sure, spending $55 on your box of bullshit sounds awesome! Not.

Hey, Ellen. Why don't you crawl inside your box (whichever one you choose-- wink, wink) and be kind to all of us and disappear.

Goober

11/13/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 13th, 2020:

#3 LARSA PIPPEN

The ex-wife of former NBA legend Scottie Pippen is back in the spotlight after spilling her own tea on her own messy sitch with the Kardashian sisters. Guess Larsa used to be Kim's bestie, and now the entire family doesn't speak to her. And it's all Kanye's fault:

"Maybe because I blocked him on my phone because I couldn't bear taking his calls anymore... So, he turned that into, 'Oh, she's this and she's that.' They all started to ride his wave. If you're that easily swayed, like the wind, then do I really give a f&ck? Should I give a f&ck?"

Apparently you give two f&cks, because you're talking publicly about it. Then, in your little podcast confessional you said how you've been through so much with the family and you will always love them. Blah, blah, blah, and you feel like one day you can all reconcile. Methinks you opening your trap (and perhaps your legs to Khloe's on-again-off-again meat deliverer, Tristan Thompson) isn't the way to get back in there.

A phone call or good ol' fashioned letter might be more appropriate. Or better yet, take your skank ass back to Hoe Town and let it go...

#2 CLARE CRAWLEY, former title "character" from The Bachelorette

As predicted, Clare has left her season of the reality TV show-- 4 episodes in. Because she fell in love with former NFL wide receiver Dale Moss in 4 seconds. Literally. The moment he stepped out of the limo to meet her she said he was her future husband. Yes, the two are engaged and now shopping for bi-costal homes. And of course, there are babies in the future!

What?

She is on the warp-speed path now that she's got a man on lockdown. In one of the most uncomfortable moments from this week's show, host Chris Harrison checked in with the couple and asked what was next for them. Clare quickly, and manically shouted out: "BABIES!" And then, there was silence. From Dale. And the viewing audience. We get it, Clare. You were the oldest Bachelorette at 39 and that damned bio clock is ticking loudly. But you need better game. At least play an under-the-radar-psycho and put holes in the condoms.

Run Dale. You've got skills. I was all #TeamClare, but now I'm afraid for you.

#1 JEFFREY TOOBIN

If you recall, the writer for The New Yorker was suspended three weeks ago after he was caught opining-- actually, o-penising-- on camera during a Zoom meeting with co-workers. Yup. He was handling his Oscar Mayer. It's not that he meant to choke the chicken on camera. See, he thought he had turned it off, but... Seriously, dude. Are you a stupid, pimply teenage boy that can't wait until your meeting is over to put in your piece for the New Yanker? What inspired you during this meeting? One of your co-workers? Vurp. Anywho, Goobin and his employer have consciously uncoupled:

"I was fired today after 27 years as a Staff Writer. I will always love the magazine, will miss my colleagues, and will look forward to reading their work."

I'm sure you'll be jerkin' the gherkin while "reading their work." Seems he was trying to stroke some sympathy with his social media post. Let's see who feels sorry for this jerk (off).................................................................................................No one.

You know people are gonna forever yell "hand check" at you, don't you?

LaNo!

10/30/2020

Let's raise our slap hands and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending October 30, 2020:

#3 SHIA LABEOUF (his actress GF Margaret Qualley, and her sister Rainey)

This trio of freaks are getting slapped (they'd probably like it) for being... creeptastic. Rainey is a musician filming a music video for her song "Love Me Like You Hate Me". Mmmmkay. Anywho, Margaret and Shia star in the video as a couple in a toxic relationship. And as people do in relationships, they do each other. Which required full-frontal for this video and choreographed sex scenes.

Fine. It's art, right? But the creep factor is that sister Rainey wants to see her sister get bango-ed by her schlong-slinger? And Margaret is cool with it? Methinks these two sisters are really close...

I. Can't.

#2 YOSEF ABORADY, former contestant from The Bachelorette

The villain of this installment of the series has been shown the door. He may be the epitome of douchebaggery, and that's saying a lot since we are surrounded by douches in general. And it's not because of his behavior on the show, it's because it's no act. This guy reeks of asshole-ness. Reeks!

Carly Hammond shared with the world that Yosef DM-ed her after he got home from filming the show. They talked regularly, met in person, but she ended things. After a cooling-off period, she was ready to talk to him about what went wrong. But, before she had a chance, she received a Snapchat video of Yosef waxing the string bean and saying how he wanted to "eff" her. Oh-- the video was meant for someone else. But he sent it to Carly.

#Loser

But there's more, kids! Yosef realized his gaff, unfriended her and then lied and said his account logged out and did the unfriending. Sure. Then Carly blocked him on the 'Chat, but he still stalks her through a social media account he started-- for his dog.

So. Lame.

#1 LILY JAMES

Some woman are just dirty hoes. Lily is one of them.

Her affair with married actor Dominic West wasn't her first foray into matrimonial man meat. A new story says she was the one who broke up Armie Hammer's marriage. Armie's wife, Elizabeth Chambers, discovered texts from a mystery woman on his phone. At the time, he was filming a movie with Lily. The texts were signed "Adeline"-- the name given to Lily on the film's call sheet. Needless to say, wifey was crushed. But, she went to couple's therapy with Armie-- and they planned to renew their vows. That's until Elizabeth received a salacious text from a strange phone number.

Seems that Rated NC 17 text was intended for Armie. Or was it? Why would Lily have Elizabeth's number-- unless she wanted "caught" and wanted to steal some Armie Hammer time? What a complete dumpster.

Guys are not the brightest. Dick thinking gets them in so much trouble. But Lily seems to target dumb dick thinkers, so... shame, shame. Or maybe her vajeen emits some sort of potion that knocks the sense out of grown men.

Probs not. Most likely it's just a scent of... sourdough. You know how men love bread!

#Yeasty