Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior - Haus of V

Practice What You Preach

11/20/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 20th, 2020:

#3 MEGHAN KING AND JIM EDMONDS, Real Housewives of Orange County former castmember; baseball dude

These two assh&les actually give the physical anatomy a bad name. It's obvious this soon-to-be-divorced couple hate each other. Loathe may be a better word. But their loathing is even beyond that. Jim Edmonds may have been a baseball "legend", but he's more legendary at being a horrible, cheating spouse. (Way to bang the nanny!) And Meghan is a self-righteous, sanctimonious princess who really, really needs to eat a sandwich.

Jim had COVID a while back. And now Meghan has it. But one of Jim's daughters from another disastrous marriage is claiming the Meghan intentionally exposed the entire Edmonds family-- including Meghan's own kids-- to COVID. I would like to think no one would use this as a weapon on anybody else, but... some people have ill intentions. Anywho, everyone's airing their dirty shorts because that's the thing to do. I hope these two "adults" never reproduce again. With anyone. But thanks for the messiness. Because we all feel better about our awesome lives compared to yours.

#2 ISAIAH WASHINGTON

(Yeah, I know. The gif is of Katherine Heigl. But there aren't any gifs of Isiah, so...)

Nothing like re-engaging in an old beef. Isaiah and his former "Grey's Anatomy" co-star Katherine Heigl are butting heads again-- this time on the socials. Over his controversial exit from Grey's over a decade ago, thanks to her accusation that Isaiah called one of their co-stars a homophobic slur. In a tweet earlier this week, he shared a photo of Heigl and this:

"This woman once proclaimed that I should 'never' be allowed to speak publicly again. The world agreed with her proclamation back then and protested for my job and my head in 65 languages. I wish I was on Twitter in 2007, because i will NEVER stop exercising my free speech."

No one knows why he went all rage-y. Perhaps he's vying to the the first person cancelled before cancel culture became a thing.

Look, Isaiah. Just zip it and use a voodoo doll for your aggressions like the rest of us...

#1 ELLEN DEGENERES

I absolutely cannot stand a hypocrite. And Ellen is a huge, stinky pile of hypocrite. The same Ellen that faced serious allegations of racism, unfair work practices, and toxicity in the workplace, has the audacity to keep shoving down our throats her "Be Kind" mantra. With that sentiment in mind-- words she allegedly does not live by-- she just released her "Be Kind" subscription box just in time for the holidays.

Oh, yipee!

Ellen says the box is all about spreading kindness with brands that do the same. All for the low price of $55.

So, let's review. You're most likely an undercover-ish beyotch who has this facade of "peace, love and unicorn farts", who still doesn't realize that your fans (average people) are trying to stay afloat during this never-ending pandemic. Sure, spending $55 on your box of bullshit sounds awesome! Not.

Hey, Ellen. Why don't you crawl inside your box (whichever one you choose-- wink, wink) and be kind to all of us and disappear.

Goober

11/13/2020

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending November 13th, 2020:

#3 LARSA PIPPEN

The ex-wife of former NBA legend Scottie Pippen is back in the spotlight after spilling her own tea on her own messy sitch with the Kardashian sisters. Guess Larsa used to be Kim's bestie, and now the entire family doesn't speak to her. And it's all Kanye's fault:

"Maybe because I blocked him on my phone because I couldn't bear taking his calls anymore... So, he turned that into, 'Oh, she's this and she's that.' They all started to ride his wave. If you're that easily swayed, like the wind, then do I really give a f&ck? Should I give a f&ck?"

Apparently you give two f&cks, because you're talking publicly about it. Then, in your little podcast confessional you said how you've been through so much with the family and you will always love them. Blah, blah, blah, and you feel like one day you can all reconcile. Methinks you opening your trap (and perhaps your legs to Khloe's on-again-off-again meat deliverer, Tristan Thompson) isn't the way to get back in there.

A phone call or good ol' fashioned letter might be more appropriate. Or better yet, take your skank ass back to Hoe Town and let it go...

#2 CLARE CRAWLEY, former title "character" from The Bachelorette

As predicted, Clare has left her season of the reality TV show-- 4 episodes in. Because she fell in love with former NFL wide receiver Dale Moss in 4 seconds. Literally. The moment he stepped out of the limo to meet her she said he was her future husband. Yes, the two are engaged and now shopping for bi-costal homes. And of course, there are babies in the future!

What?

She is on the warp-speed path now that she's got a man on lockdown. In one of the most uncomfortable moments from this week's show, host Chris Harrison checked in with the couple and asked what was next for them. Clare quickly, and manically shouted out: "BABIES!" And then, there was silence. From Dale. And the viewing audience. We get it, Clare. You were the oldest Bachelorette at 39 and that damned bio clock is ticking loudly. But you need better game. At least play an under-the-radar-psycho and put holes in the condoms.

Run Dale. You've got skills. I was all #TeamClare, but now I'm afraid for you.

#1 JEFFREY TOOBIN

If you recall, the writer for The New Yorker was suspended three weeks ago after he was caught opining-- actually, o-penising-- on camera during a Zoom meeting with co-workers. Yup. He was handling his Oscar Mayer. It's not that he meant to choke the chicken on camera. See, he thought he had turned it off, but... Seriously, dude. Are you a stupid, pimply teenage boy that can't wait until your meeting is over to put in your piece for the New Yanker? What inspired you during this meeting? One of your co-workers? Vurp. Anywho, Goobin and his employer have consciously uncoupled:

"I was fired today after 27 years as a Staff Writer. I will always love the magazine, will miss my colleagues, and will look forward to reading their work."

I'm sure you'll be jerkin' the gherkin while "reading their work." Seems he was trying to stroke some sympathy with his social media post. Let's see who feels sorry for this jerk (off).................................................................................................No one.

You know people are gonna forever yell "hand check" at you, don't you?

LaNo!

10/30/2020

Let's raise our slap hands and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending October 30, 2020:

#3 SHIA LABEOUF (his actress GF Margaret Qualley, and her sister Rainey)

This trio of freaks are getting slapped (they'd probably like it) for being... creeptastic. Rainey is a musician filming a music video for her song "Love Me Like You Hate Me". Mmmmkay. Anywho, Margaret and Shia star in the video as a couple in a toxic relationship. And as people do in relationships, they do each other. Which required full-frontal for this video and choreographed sex scenes.

Fine. It's art, right? But the creep factor is that sister Rainey wants to see her sister get bango-ed by her schlong-slinger? And Margaret is cool with it? Methinks these two sisters are really close...

I. Can't.

#2 YOSEF ABORADY, former contestant from The Bachelorette

The villain of this installment of the series has been shown the door. He may be the epitome of douchebaggery, and that's saying a lot since we are surrounded by douches in general. And it's not because of his behavior on the show, it's because it's no act. This guy reeks of asshole-ness. Reeks!

Carly Hammond shared with the world that Yosef DM-ed her after he got home from filming the show. They talked regularly, met in person, but she ended things. After a cooling-off period, she was ready to talk to him about what went wrong. But, before she had a chance, she received a Snapchat video of Yosef waxing the string bean and saying how he wanted to "eff" her. Oh-- the video was meant for someone else. But he sent it to Carly.

#Loser

But there's more, kids! Yosef realized his gaff, unfriended her and then lied and said his account logged out and did the unfriending. Sure. Then Carly blocked him on the 'Chat, but he still stalks her through a social media account he started-- for his dog.

So. Lame.

#1 LILY JAMES

Some woman are just dirty hoes. Lily is one of them.

Her affair with married actor Dominic West wasn't her first foray into matrimonial man meat. A new story says she was the one who broke up Armie Hammer's marriage. Armie's wife, Elizabeth Chambers, discovered texts from a mystery woman on his phone. At the time, he was filming a movie with Lily. The texts were signed "Adeline"-- the name given to Lily on the film's call sheet. Needless to say, wifey was crushed. But, she went to couple's therapy with Armie-- and they planned to renew their vows. That's until Elizabeth received a salacious text from a strange phone number.

Seems that Rated NC 17 text was intended for Armie. Or was it? Why would Lily have Elizabeth's number-- unless she wanted "caught" and wanted to steal some Armie Hammer time? What a complete dumpster.

Guys are not the brightest. Dick thinking gets them in so much trouble. But Lily seems to target dumb dick thinkers, so... shame, shame. Or maybe her vajeen emits some sort of potion that knocks the sense out of grown men.

Probs not. Most likely it's just a scent of... sourdough. You know how men love bread!

#Yeasty

Douchefecta

10/23/2020

Offenders for the week ending in October 23, 2020:

#3 JAY CUTLER

Guess the next thing this dude will be throwing is a turd in his diaper. WAAAAAH! Former average pro QB Jay is upset that his wife has potentially moved on with another man since their divorce. Kristen Cavallari was seen smooching with comedian Jeff Dye. Oh the humanity!

"He's not happy seeing her move on."

Oh-effing-well. That's what people do after a breakup. And since you weren't really a good guy during the marriage-- all unsupportive while suckling off your wife's financial teet-- you really have nothing to say now. Zero. Plus, you're a hypocrite. Rumor has it you're taking snaps from Tomi Lahren. It's okay for you to move on, but not your wife. Example #1,005 while you reek of vinegar.

#2 KELLY DODD, Real Housewives of Orange County cast member

If only adults acted like adults and not big children. Kelly is the perfect example of this, and opening her large trap before thinking. She's a cut-you-to-the-bone mean bitch. 100. In recent slap-worthy moment, she posted a video to social media calling her ex-husband Michael a deadbeat dad. In front of their daughter. Classy.

"Jolie, aren't you glad you have a real dad like Rick Leventhal (Kelly's new husband) instead of your father, Michael, who you haven't seen in how long?"

The 13-year-old child answered it'd been 5 months. We get it. Michael is a known asshat. The two of you have literally been at each other's throats, so much so, that a restraining order was filed against you until you agreed to therapy and alcohol treatment.

Move. On. You're remarried. Your kid already knows her father might be douche-y. But he's still her father. And-- KEEP YOUR DRAMZ OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA. We don't need to see every little thing. But thank you. Because all of you celebrities provide so much material for me each week.

You can be classy. It's in there somewhere. Perhaps under one of your Botox-ed cheeks.

#1 JAKE PAUL

I hate that we even live in a time where there is such a thing as a "YouTube Star". But since we do, and there are...

Jake is everything that encapsulates the millennial stereotype. He's entitled. He does what he wants to do. And he's rewarded for his bad behavior by the flocks of sheeple out there. And he's got a ton of money. Which makes him even more insufferable. Dude was busted earlier this year for throwing a massive party in Calabasas. Whether you agree or not with the COVID restrictions-- they exist in Cali. And they will bust you.

Fast forward to now and he threw another party. And it was chronicled on social media. Crowds dancing. No masks. Because it's his birthday. So everyone should recognize!

What a joke. Gathering with the intention of trying to catch and spread COVID while having your birthday. Awesome. You'd think a guy who had his house raided by the FBI would be a little more careful... Wait. Since it's not confirmed you have a brain, thinking may not actually occur.

Why can't an asteroid crash his next party?

Mrs. Felon

10/16/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 16, 2020:

#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former cast member of Southern Charm & Known DB (douche bag)

The former reality TV star and forever felon is actually going to walk down the aisle. With his second baby momma. He had two kids with Kathryn Dennis, who remains a "star" of Southern Charm. Welp, he had another kid with another chick, and supposedly she's worthy enough to earn the ring. So much so, that he's not getting a prenup:

"Not with this one. No need."

Riiight... But you might have a point. Because as Kanye said so poetically:

"18 years/18 years/Got one of your kids/Got you for 18 years."

Why get a pre-nup when you have the fruit-of-you-loins nup. This marriage might last 10 months. If they ever make it down the aisle. Guess she's okay that he's a convicted felon. It was just running drugs, so not so bad?

By the way, are orange and orange your wedding colors?

#2 PORSHA WILLIAMS, cast member of the Real Housewives of Atlanta

Fellow castmate Cynthia Bailey's bachelorette party took quite a wild turn, and Porsha was perhaps front and spread-eagle center for all of it. Sources say there was girl-on-girl action, and a couple of ladies enjoyed the pleasures of a male stripper-- at the same time.

Word on the street is that Princess P gave her "p" to fellow cast member Tanya Sam and that the two of them are the ones that paid the male stripper with pie. Porsha is in denial, as always, since she apparently has her sights set on B.O.L.O. The Entertainer. But what about her baby-daddy-one-time fiancé, Dennis? Oh. They're off again. While she's getting off on anything with a pulse.

Whatevs.

What happens at the BP (Bachelorette Party) stays at the BP. Unless you're filming for the upcoming season... oops. Just own it! You're a wild child ready to ride whatever!

#1 DOMINIC WEST

He's currently filming "The Pursuit of Love" with Lily James. The two were spotted in Rome recently kissing, sharing an electric scooter, lunching-- romantical stuff. Oh, wait. He's married. Been so for 10 years and 4-kids. Yeah... His wife saw the receipts and is crushed. Meanwhile, his tramp-in-waiting Lily dumped her relationship of 5-years.

But just the other day, Dummydick and wife Catherine staged a photo op for the press outside their home-- kissing for photogs and holding up a sign declaring they're still very much together.

Uhmmm... perhaps you both need slapped.

Dominic: This is 2020. There are cameras everywhere. And those phones everyone has takes really good pictures. And, you're a celebrity. So people watch you. And wait for your wang to get out of line.

Catherine: This dude got caught red wankered cheating on you. He's a complete stain. What did he say to you to make you stick around? That he's sorry? Did he put a Kobe apology ring on it? Hopefully, he put a mask on his hang-low so you won't catch crotch COVID.

Show Me the Muffin

10/9/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 9th, 2020:

#3 MAX EHRICH

DIdn't know much about this dude until he got engaged, and then un-engaged to Demi Lovato. Now, this dude is just feeling his feelings all public and stuff. Demi dropped him two months after they promised to say "I Do". Her people claim that he was using his elevated position in the spotlight to advance his career. Max claims she used him. Oh, snap!

"I thought I found the real deal. Now I found out that I was used. But I hope the song ("Still Have Me") is No. 1 because you know what? If that's what someone wants in the material world, here you go, you have it."

So... Demi dated you, got engaged to you, then dumped you so she'd have fodder for a song? Pfffft. We get it. Your man ego is bruised. Suck it up and STFU!

#2 LANA DEL RAY

The singer had a book signing over the weekend for her new poetry book, "Violet Bent Backwards Over The Grass", and fans weren't too happy with her meet-and-greet fashion. A mesh face mask. Pretty. But ineffective-- though one fan claimed her mask did have a filter. Oh, sure. I hear the shear filters are the best. (said sarcastically)

But Lana doesn't give two COVID droplets about masks because:

"We were born to die."

Deep... And technically true. But reckless. I get it. You're all intellectual and poetic and more evolved than the rest of us. But actually, you're an idiot. Perhaps "Dumb Phuckus With Head Up Ass" should be the title of your next poetry book...

#1 MARIAH CAREY

We're disappointed in your memoir, "The Meaning of Mariah." Cuz you've not dished about anything we want to hear about. Like, why you and Eminem hate each other. Or, why you never mentioned your current ex-fiancee James Packer. Sure, your whole premise is:

"If it was a relationship that mattered, it's in the book. If not, it didn't occur."

Just like so many people amongst us, just because you deny it happened doesn't mean it didn't actually happen. But, whatevs. But the biggest shocker was from a recent interview in which she revealed that she and James never knew each other carnally.

WTF!?!?

So. Many. Questions.

Did dude assume that her vajeen is just as golden as her voice, so no test drive needed? Or did Mariah say 'yes' under the premise that she thought she could keep the ring? Oh, wait. She tried to. But he threatened to sue her, so... that failed.

Perhaps the only size she was concerned about was his bank account-- which is porno-size huge.

Leaked

10/2/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 2nd, 2020:

#3 DEMI LOVATO

They dated for four months before getting engaged. Now, Demi has dumped Max Ehrich after a two-month engagement, which means the relationship burned after six months. Yes, my head hurts over the whirlwind-ness of this deal:

"They were basically together 24/7 for months. They lived in a bubble with zero stress, and everything was just fun. Now they are both working and are on separate coasts. They were having conflicts."

Oh...

"In the beginning, Max was super careful about self-promotion (and ) things with his career, but once they got engaged, he really hit the gas pedal and wanted to make the most out of his career opportunities. He felt more comfortable doing so after they were fiancees and had a little bit more of a leg up."

So, she broke it off. And he found out from a tabloid story!

Come on, girl. I love ya, but you could've at least dumped him via text. If he was a complete asshat, then you should've spelled out "It's Over" with his stuff and then set that shizz on fire...

#2 VANESSA MARCIL

Maybe she's looking to drum-up some acting gigs... Brian Austin Green's baby mama went public with support for Brian's soon-to-be-ex Megan Fox. She said:

"I actually have respect for how (Megan) is finally living her life for herself & leaving her children out of her public life at this young age."

Cool. But methinks her support is actually passive aggression, because she hates (dick)BAG:

"(he's a) very angry/sad human being who still has too much shame to take full responsibility for his actions as a father."

Damn.

Oh, and then she publicly said she never loved him. Really? Because you were engaged to each other. Perhaps she's still displeased that after her breakup with Brian, he started dating Megan and those two got married. Yes, you had an ugly custody battle. But continuing to drag doesn't help.

Zip it. Your kid will figure out on his own if his dad is a douche or not.

#1 NENE LEAKES, soon-to-be former Cast Member/Real Housewives of Atlanta

Each of these "Housewives" series has a standout "star". NeNe has worn that crown since Day 1. But, she's no longer on the show (again), so people are talking about it-- like the show creator, Andy Cohen, and her "kind-of best friend" Wendy Williams. Wendy is a frequent slapee, known for opening her big mouth way too wide. She had this to say about NeNe's departure:

"NeNe has quit the show several times and you'll have her back (Andy Cohen). NeNe likes attention, dramatic attention. I don't know what (she's) going to be doing for money."

#Truth. Wendy also said that NeNe is no Bethany Frankel, who was a former New York housewife who turned her brand into a multi-million dollar empire. Well, this set NeNe into full pop-off mode on the socials:

"Both ther f ratings are LOW! Bye QUEENS. She on coaine so they should stop using her to talk! They both need my help with their poor ratings! I have ALWAYS believed in multiple streams of income so the Leakes are good, you ole cocaine head and you ole racist. No one knew you until YOU knew me. Remember I'm ICON."

?

Uhhhmmm... you're no icon. That's for people that have accomplished something worthwhile and memorable. You became famous because of this show. You've been afforded all kinds of opportunities because of Andy Cohen putting you on his show. You were a stripper who married an older man for his money. Then, you became ass-clownic.

Know where you came from and be grateful-- if you're able. It's gonna hurt not making the near-million dollars per episode. Maybe you should get up on that pole again...

Rah Rah Wrong

9/25/2020

Offenders for the week ending September 25, 2020:

#3 KRISTEN DOUTE, former cast member/Vanderpump Rules

It really sucks when reality bitch-slaps a bitch and removes you from reality TV. Kristen and Stassi Schroeder will no longer make a paycheck from the show, after their false allegations of criminal activity involving an African-American cast member they didn't like backfired in their faces. And past racists comments made on social media added fuel to the fire. Well, Kristen wants the world to know that they weren't fired:

"They (Bravo TV) chose not to renew our contracts. That was their decision to make."

Girl, that's code for "fired" in the entertainment biz. Terminated. Shown the door. You. Were. Fired. With your lying, skeevy ways, and Stassi's penchant for mean-girlness at every turn, I'd say Karma made a visit.

Time to become a softcore porn star...

#2 DINA LOHAN

Love is grand. Especially when it's with a real person. A person that you get to spend time with. Right, Dina? Oh, wait. Your sitch is a little... different. Dina took to the socials to thank her fiancé, Jerry Nadler, for helping her get her mind and body into shape. Because she loves him like she's loved no other. And:

"No one has ever been such a powerful influence on me and I thank god for bringing me him."

Awwww! Vomit!

Dina and Jesse have known each other for six years, after meeting on Facebook. Oh, did I mention that these two have never been in the same room with each other? They chat and facetime, but they live on separate coasts. Because he supposedly is caring for his mom... Did I mention he mailed her the engagement ring?

Yeah. Catfish-ish true love. And this bimbo has a podcast (named "Listen to Me, OG Mama D) in which she gives advice, among other things. The only thing she's the OG of is being a complete dumpster fire.

#1 JERRY HARRIS, star of the Netflix docuseries "Cheer"

The breakout star of the show is in the hottest of waters, under arrest on production of child pornography charges. Fourteen-year-old twin brothers claim Harris harassed them online and in-person for over a year at cheer competitions when they were 13 and Harris was 19. Varsity Brands, a prominent company within the cheerleading community, reported Harris to police after he allegedly asked once of the twins to have sex with him during two of the company's competitions in 2019.

Varsity barred Harris from their brand for life.

Harris claims he's innocent, though he admitted during an FBI interview that he asked one of the teens to send him photos and videos of his junk and backside on Snapchat.

Okay...

Disgusting. What you've done (allegedly) has scarred these boys for life. You're not even good enough to be a used tampon.

Perhaps you'll share a cell with Jared Fogle one day... Cheer(s) to that.

Skeevy, Skanky & Stupid

9/18/2020

Offenders for the week ending 09/18/20:

#3 MICHAEL DARBY, Cast Member/Real Housewives of Potomac

His wife, Ashley, is a main cast member of this show. Which means their lives are on display for us to peep on. Which means that if you're trying to keep your shady sihzz on the DL, you really can't. Because you're known and people are coming for you. Which means if you're gonna have a wild night at a strip club while your wife is away with your infant son, you best keep your kinks in your pants.

The Aussie fossil and his way younger wife were the hot topic last season, as Michael was accused of wanting to play another man's skin flute, and he was charged with grabbing a male cameraman's booty. Maybe it's an Australian thing, but methinks he wants the pouch and the joey all at the same time.

No one cares how you live your life. But if you're lying to your wife and lying to yourself, well-- BYE. Do better at keeping your down under activities down under...

#2 LINDSAY LOHAN

There's a simple premise in business: You get paid to perform a service; you're expected to complete that service. Lindsay doesn't understand this very basic concept. See, HarperCollins gave LiLo a $365 thousand advance back in 2014 to write her memoir about her troubled life. Then, she got into trouble for not producing a final product after a year had passed. So, being kind and wanting some delish tea-- they extended the contract by two years.

Crickets.

The contract was terminated in 2018. But that didn't mean she could keep the money for nothing. Duh! Lindsay was asked to pay the advance back, which didn't happen. And now it's 2020 and she's got a court date in the future. Time to get a rich boyfriend to pay this for you. Is Jon Peters available? If he married Pamela Anderson for, like, a hot minute and paid off her debt, well...

#1 JON GOSSELIN

Again, you're an embarrassment to your gender, to Koreans, and to humanity in general. Add alleged abuser to his list of douchebaggery. County of Berks, Pennsylvania Child & Youth Services has opened an investigation into an alleged violent incident between Jon and his 16-year-old son Collin:

"causing bodily injury to a child through recent act/failure to act: hitting/punching."

This is consistent with a post from Collin on his IG alleging his dad "beat him":

"My dad is a liar. Yesterday he beat me up and thought nothing of it, he punched me in the face and gave me a swollen nose and I started bleeding. He then continued to kick me in the ribs after I was on the floor. He is a liar."

A source says the incident happened after Collin became upset while talking to Jon in the car.

"Collin got furious and was screaming and swearing. When they got home, he was still screaming and cursing and he went into the garage and got... a big heavy bottle of liquid-- and hurled it at Jon's car, denting it. Jon got out of the car, enraged, and put him in a headlock, punched him square in the nose, and when Collin fell to the ground, then he kicked him in the ribs."

It's been publicized in the past that Collin has behavioral issues, and chose to live with Jon instead of momma Kate. I'm sure the truth of what happened is somewhere in the middle. And granted, if I had hurled something at my dad-- he would've knocked me into next week. But, there's a difference between discipline, restraining someone before you should call the authorities, and beating the stuff out of someone-- especially your minor child.

Perhaps your focus should be on fatherhood and earning money to support your 8 kids, instead of trying to live some fantasy life as a club DJ. A club DJ in small-town PA, no less.

Sigh...

The Wang That Got Away

9/11/2020

Offenders for the week ending September 11, 2020:

#3 NAOMI CAMPBELL

Gifts are one thing. Loans are something different. So, when someone lends you money, you need to pay it back. But Mizz Brokedown Diva doesn't embrace that concept. People want their money back. Even ex-lovers. Billionaire businessman Vladislav Doronin has filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against Naomi because she refuses to pay back money he loaned her. And... she still has some of his stuff that's worth more than $3 million.

Side note: What does she have of his that's worth this much? A Golden toothbrush? Chinchilla slippers? A rando yacht?

I'm sure she's gonna plead ignorance, since he lavished her with gifts and trips during their 5-year relationship. She reportedly dumped him because he was too caught up in her celebrity life. Surrreeee....Maybe the gift you gave him something itchy on his hang-low.

#2 JANE FONDA

It's great if you're still enjoying the baloney pony well into your twilight years. But... we don't need to hear about it. Or follow you down memory lane as you revisit your times in Schlongsville. Yeah, that means you, Jane Fonda. During an interview with The New York Times, she denied that Argentine revolutionary Che Guevara was "the one that got away" sexually. Gag. Her actual deepest regret?

Marvin Gaye

You know, Mr. Sexual Healing. She said:

"He wanted to and I didn't."

Because she was married at the time. Kudos for having somewhat of a moral compass, though I'll never forgive you protesting our soldiers who fought in Vietnam. Bitch. Anwyho... this final crusty nugget:

Nobody wants to even imagine your DAP (Dusty Ass P&ssy). Bye!

#1 JUAN PABLO, former The Bachelor bachelor

Never having watched his season, but hearing all about him-- I completely understand why he's considered the franchise's biggest villain. He's the entire bag of small, sweaty dicks. He had to take to social media to slam the promo for Clare Crawley's season of The Bachelorette because it features footage from his season. The season in which Clare sprouted a pair and put this douchebag back in the Summer's Eve box.

"Interesting PROMO of @Clare_Crawley and the season of@BacheloretteABC, 6 years LATER and I know WHO is the Juan that can't get OVER Juan...Would LOVE if you take a GUESS? P.S: Clare got over LONG time ago, just in CASE."

WTF is this tweet with all the rando ALL CAPS!?!?!?

Lemme translate: Juan Pricko thinks Clare is still in love with him. BWAAAA HAAAAA HAAAAA! She told you to sit down after you told her that you didn't love her, but loved "f&cking her". So, she walked away from the show as one of the finalists because you're a dirty Juan.

Mic drop.