Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior - Haus of V

Bull Sh*t

11/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending November 19, 2021:

It's a rarity when it happens. Someone is so offensive, they take the crown solo. But here we are.

#3, #2, #1 MICHAEL WEATHERLY

Sometimes I forget we're in the year 2021. A time and place where we're supposed to be evolved. Better. Not as douchey. But then there's the star/producer of the TV show Bull. And in 2021, women are still flaked over if they take a stand. Eliza Dushku was fired from the show after she went to the big-wigs at CBS Studios to file a harassment complaint against Weatherly. What happened to her? Let's spill.

Testifying before a congressional committee that was formed to consider legislation to eliminate forced arbitration clauses in employment, consumer, and civil rights cases, she shared her arbitration story-- and being fired in silence.

"I suffered near constant sexual harassment from my co-star. This was beyond anything I had experienced in my 30-year career."

She was referred to as "legs", and Weatherly would "smell her and leeringly look her up and down." Weatherly also told her that he and his buddy wanted to have a threesome with her. But if that weren't disturbing enough. This:

"Off script in front of about a hundred crew members and cast members, he once said that he would take me to his 'rape van' and use lube and long phallic things on me, and take me over his knee and spank me like a little girl."

What in the actual f*ck? When is it ever funny or acceptable or cool to joke about rape? It's funny to force a human being to do things they don't want to do, and to damage one's psyche for ever?

This anal hair then went to the head of CBS Studios and told him that Eliza had a "humor deficit" and didn't want her on the show. And he got his way.

When is the Boys Club going to be dissolved. What's sad is that this occurs in many workplaces. I know this for a fact. And arbitration is in just about in every entertainment contract. I also know this for a fact. So glad she stood up for herself, despite the consequences. I've been there, too.

Michael Weatherly is a complete POS who should be castrated, slapped with his micro ween, then set ablaze. At minimum. And this f*ck towel has daughters. I guess he'd be okay with his daughters being treated like this, right? Hope they don't encounter someone's "rape van."

Swagless

11/12/2021

Offender for the week ending November 12, 2021:

#3 SCOTT DISICK

This fool thinks if he keeps in good with the Kardashian/Jenners, he might get another shot at Kourtney. HA HA HA HA! He says he considers Kris Jenner to be a second mom to him, and that he gets along well with everyone-- except Kourtney.

Well, her opinion matters most. And she ain't leaving Travis Barker-- a real man. Just go back to age-inappropriate dating.

A little poem for you:

Disick
Is a dick
Not so slick
Go find a pole to lick

#2 JEFF BEZOS

Jeffy was just kidding, but you know a part of him was serious when he took a shot at the luscious Leo DiCaprio. Jeff and his lady love, Lauren Sanchez, were at some soiree where Leo was. And he was lookin' F-I-N-E in a tux. Lauren was alllll into Leo, and as he turned to walk away, it looked like she was going to grab his hand and follow. Well, Barstool Sports posted video of the exchange with the caption "Leo is Mr. Steal Yo Girl."

In response, Jeff posted a picture of himself standing by a sign that read: "Danger! Steep Cliff Fatal Drop" with the caption: "Leo, come over here. I want to show you something."

Look, Bezhos. You have more money than Leo. It's cool. Go ride your penis rocket to space. It'll be okay.

A little poem for you:

Sad but true
You got the bag
But Leo got swag
Boo hoo

#1 YE, formerly known as Kanye West

I've slapped this dude so many times, but he doesn't seem to learn. I actually feel sorry for him as he's going through a lot. Name change; marital status change. Reports came out months ago that these two are, indeed, getting divorced-- and that everything had been settled. Now, Ye claims he's never seen any divorce papers, and that he wants to stay together with Kim Kardashian. He's blaming the media, and streaming service Hulu for the breakup of his family:

"I wanna pull my family back together... It's MY family, Hulu."

What the eff does that mean? Perhaps you shouldn't have run off to your ranch in Montana for months at a time while your family was in L.A. Methinks he's just upset Kim's bumpin' uglies with Pete Davidson. I mean, I'd hurl too, but... you have your own little hook-up action going on...

A little poem for you:

Ye Ye
Go away
Change your name to
Overplayed

Ye-ppy Skippy

10/29/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending October 29, 2021:

#3 SCOTT DISICK

Somebody's not taking their ex's engagement so well! The dude who couldn't put a ring on Kourtney Kardashian in 10 years is upset that Travis Barker locked that down. WAAAAAH! First of all, you're a tool. Second, she's better off. Way better off. Travis is a rocker, and you're just... flaccid. An insider said:

"Scott is going crazy. He's going to go off the deep end. It's really bad. It's about to get dark."

This dude has been problematic since birth. Maybe he should get together with Travis' ex, Shanna Moakler. She's equally not pleased. They could console each other's dark hearts.

#2 KANYE WEST

Kanye is an interesting fella, isn't he? Well, he's no longer Kanye. He had his name legally changed from Kanye Omari West to... "Ye". Just... Ye. No middle name. No last name.

Is it pronounced "yay" or "yee"? Of the change he said:

"... the being formally known as Kanye West. I am YE."

So, it's capitalized? This is so confusing. I hope it's not "yee" because that sounds like "yeast". Which may explain a lot.

But how will this affect his next presidential run?

#1 GEORGE TAKEI

They say Italians will hold a grudge forever. You all have forgotten about the Asians-- we're talking holding a grudge for centuries if need be (I know because of some of my family members.) George will go to his grave hating William Shatner. His latest disgust? When Bill rode Jeff Bezos' rocket into space-- making him the oldest man to ever go to space.

George was bent:

"He's a guinea pig, so 90-years-old is going to show a great deal more on the wear and tear on the human body, so he'll be a good specimen to study. Although he's not the fittest specimen of 90-years-old, so he'll be a specimen that's unfit."

And then he said that Shatner went where others have already boldly gone. Damn, dude. Chill. Guess his beef with Shat is his belief that Shatner way back in the day cut a scene of his from one of the Star Trek movies and denied him command of a ship... which his character did get. But, whatevs. What world is George living in that he's so upset over Sulu's "slight".

Perhaps he's the one that's actually out of this world...

Nailed

10/15/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending October 15, 2021:

#3 MEGHAN KING

You can take the girl out of reality TV, but you can't take the reality TV life out of the girl. Why? Because she's the Hot Mess Express, and is proud of it! Her latest doomed move? Getting married after just a few weeks of dating. Megs has tied the knot with President Biden's nephew, Cuffe Owens.

First of all, what the f*ck kind of name is Cuffe!?!? It means glove... which I hope he uses the love glove so there aren't any more cuffers running around. But I digress. Megan said the two of them clicked on a dating app, they spoke on the phone for five hours, she flew to St. Louis to meet him, and the rest is history. Thank goodness her divorce from former MLBer Jim Edmonds was just finalized.

I'm sure his being the nephew of the Prez had nothing to do with your smitten-ess....

#2 DEMI LOVATO

She has gone from cool to tool quickly. I'm glad that she has a platform and feels empowered to speak on behalf of those she feels are slighted, but many times she's misguided and acting-out because she's triggered. And her latest battle? We all need to stop calling aliens, aliens. You know, the green or grey creatures we imagine that are from another realm. She feels that it's offensive to describe other possible life forms as alien. By one definition, alien:

"belonging or relating to another person, place or thing... belonging to a foreign country or nation."

Offensive. Demi says:

"I think that we have to stop calling them aliens because aliens is a derogatory term for anything. That's why I like to call them ETs!"

I see what's going on here. You're one of them. With that, ET phone home and get outta here!

#1 ERIKA JAYNE

This poor (maybe literally) cast member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is so tragic-- the collateral damage of her ancient lawyer-husband's scheme of robbing his clients of settlement money (and then spending it on her lavish lifestyle). She had no idea her hubs was bilking people! (wink, wink) And now, she can't take it anymore. She has publicly put on her martyr hat, and has even dared to compare herself to Jesus.

A fan posted that Erika's lawyer is "undermining the judicial system", adding-- "this is exactly how CHRIST died."

Erika, of course, retweeted the post. Just. Wow. Whether you are a believer or not, Christ stood for many things. None of which Erika stands for. To compare yourself to a holy being, when you should be comparing yourself to a whoring being is repulsive. You're scamming, lying, cheating, gluttonous lifestyle is your choosing. To be caught breaking the law and being immoral is called justice. Not Jesus.

Waiting for the lightning to strike in three, two, one...

Wild Thing

10/8/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending October 8, 2021:

#3 CLARE CRAWLEY & DALE MOSS

This is why reality TV has ruined everything. Because we take "normal" people, give them a platform, and revel in their dysfunction. Clare and Dale would be two people we'd steer away from IRL because of their drama, but now? We're down with the mess because we realize their "celebrity" makes them no better than the rest of us with "situations".

These two have been on-again, off-again since Clare blew up Bachelor Nation by leaving her season of the Bachelorette a week in because she found "the one" with Dale. Apparently, he enjoys sharing his "one thing" with other ladies-- and they're done for good. For now. Clare has accused Dale of not being there for her as her mother is dying, for being a publicity hound, and for hooking-up with fellow Bachelor Nation member Abigail Herenger.

Abigail confirmed the encounter with Dale, but was under the presumption that things weren't serious between Dale and Clare. Girl, you're not the first one to ever hear that tale. So, we'll spare you the slap hand. Meanwhile, Dale and Clare-- brace yourselves. You two need to quit each other for good and move on. You don't want the same things and you can't bend another to your will. That's for you, Clare. Dale-- slink away and stop pretending to be a good guy.

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW

I had hoped she had disappeared, but she's baaaaack, with some other bullsh&t product that we don't need and that she's not qualified to sell: a female libido enhancer. Called DTF. Yes, DTF stands for exactly what it stands for on the streets: Down To F&ck.

While I will give her kudos for catchy product names, there is no way in hell anybody should be buying her overpriced shizz. Seriously. Buy overpriced stuff from someplace else. Anywho, perhaps she was feeling not-so-frisky herself, and therefore felt she would give women a product they can't get anywhere else (but can):

"Everyday stress and anxiety, hormonal changes, exhaustion, age... these can impact our libido and sexual health. So yes, we (with our science and research team) created a supplement that REALLY helps."

DTF contains Libifem fenugreek and shatavari (which sounds like somebody swearing at us) to get things...flowing... while improving mood.

Look, B. Women have wine for all of that. And maybe some women need to consciously uncouple from the "D" for a hot minute.

Don't you have a vageen to steam?

#1 CHARLIE SHEEN

He's so likable as an actor, so loathe-able as a person. And he's such a complete d*ck because he
can-- especially to those that have put up with his b.s. over the decades. The guy that brought tiger blood and #winning into our vernacular can't stop torturing ex-wife Denise Richards. His drug use and wandering wang tore their marriage apart, but she remained amenable and available for the sake of their kids-- who have now turned on her, thanks to Charlie. She even helped raise his children with his second ex-wife so the children would bond and get to know each other better!

Daughter Sam has decided to move in with daddy because she can't tolerate the rules in Denise's house. And even though Charlie is supposedly behind in child support, payments for Sam have been stopped. So, Denise will have to go to court for that. Charlie is playing "good cop" to Denise's supposed "bad cop":

"Everything's a big party. (at Charlie's house). He plays this game with the kids. (sweetening them up) with ice cream and movies and staying up late."

What's next? Mutual drug use. You're quickly becoming a primo POS.

Charlie Sheen
You're so mean
You have a tiny ween
So small it can't be seen
And what's there is probably unclean

Wank 100

9/24/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending September 24th, 2021:

#3 ANGELINA JOLIE

This "b" ain't ever putin' the claws away. She wants to draw as much blood and pain from Brad Pitt as possible. In addition to the never-ending custody battle, Angie tried to stiff Brad in a real estate transaction, and now... she's claiming Brad is using his celebrity status to get special treatment in court.

Let's we checked, YOU ARE A CELEBRITY! Angie successfully had a judge booted from the case, and now Brad wants that overturned....Blah, blah, blah....

I'm not saying we know what happened in their relationship behind closed doors. But if he is the big tool bag you claim he is-- then why haven't we heard a peep from his past lady loves?

Get a set of batteries and work that angst out, girlfriend.

#2 DRAKE BELL

The former Nickelodeon star recently pleaded guilty to child endangerment charges and sentenced to two years probation. Now that he feels the dust has settled, he's speaking out about the situation. On Instagram. He said there were too many lies spread about him, and clickbait. And the reason why he did the plea thing was to resolve things quickly.

What? So it could all go away?

He also reminded everyone that he wasn't charged for anything involving photographs or "anything physical", but.... he was "reckless and irresponsible" with text messages.

MMMkay.

"I want to say thank you to everyone who saw through the lies and did their research and looked at my case and saw for what it was, instead of through all this media confusion...."

Wait. You admitted to poor judgement in texting a minor. Maybe you shouldn't have taken some rando's number in the first place. Two, a couple of people have accused you of abuse, so don't get too cocky. Three, go away. We don't need some pedo or psuedo-pedo vibes.

#1 WACK 100

Wack is definitely whack. He's claiming there's another bang-'em tape starring Kim Kardashian and Ray J. He says it's longer (the video) and more graphic than the film that made the Kardashians a household name.

No thanks.

But Wack says he only wants one set... of eyes... peeping it. And that's Kim's ex, Kanye.

What kind of messed up world do you live in? Like Kanye really wants to see his ex and Ray J-- again? Sit. Down. Meanwhile, Ray J is pissed:

"This ain't cool... How can I show off growth and maturity if this kinda stuff keeps happening? I'm a father now and my job is to be a great parent and put them first. This is not the message I want to send out. SMH."

I think somebody needs to whack Wack upside the head with the video... and then burn it.

Papercuts & Uppercuts

9/17/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending September 17th, 2021:

#3 KANYE WEST

He might be the biggest overgrown toddler walking the Earth. Apparently, he's not taking his impending divorce to Kim Kardashian so well-- because he's unfollowed her on the IG. Since he only follows 14 accounts, it's kinda totally obvs that he unfollowed her. There were rumors that the two of them might reconcile, but apparently that's not happening. And in true Kanye fashion, this could be why he "lashed out" by unfollowing. For now.

Doesn't he have some home décor to design, meaning-- wiping his butt cheeks on stuff and charging $250 for that dish rag?

#2 CESAR MILAN

Maybe this dude needs to "TSCH!" himself. He may be dog-whispering, but sometimes dogs under his care are dog-biting.... His beloved pitbull, Junior, severely bit a promising gymnast. Lidia Matiss says she was bitten by Junior in 2017-- and that ended her career. That's because Junior was roaming the halls unsupervised at Cesar's compound-- where Lidia's mom worked.

And Queen Latifah has been brought up in the filing. Lidia's attorneys say Queen had taken two of her dogs to Cesar's Dog Psychology Center for training, but Junior mauled one of her dogs to death-- and Cesar had his staff cover it up. The excuse? The dog had been hit and killed by a car.

The truth shall set you free, Cesar. It's hard enough losing a pet, but to lie on top of it?

#1 CONNOR MCGREGGOR AND MACHINE GUN KELLY

These two need to have a seat in time out. Beefin' with each other accomplishes nothing-- but we are grateful for the entertainment. These two had a run-in on the red carpet at the MTV VMAs. Supposedly, Connor approached MGK (drink in hand) and requested a picture with him. That's when things took a turn. MGK's security shoved Connor, and Connor then threw his drink at MGK, and they had some words.

Beefin' Part Two: Connor was asked about the incident, and he said he didn't even know who MGK was and called him a "skinny Vanilla Ice rapper." Busted! if you didn't know who he was, you wouldn't know he was a rapper before he started dabbling in alt rock.

As for MGK? When asked about the incident, he smacked the mic out of the interviewer's hand.

Look, boys. Can't we just be chill? Because I think the two of you would actually get along if you'd let your 'tudes "calm their titties" (like grandpa would say.)

Double Oh-No!

8/20/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 20th, 2021:

#3 JIM EDMONDS

This fool is engaged again. This time to someone, the name doesn't really matter. This will make wife #4 for Jimmy. Is he trying to have as many wives as years he played in the MLB? Of course, this gal's "the one". Never age appropriate, by the way. But me wonders if this wife will want kids, like his third wife did, and then he wasn't there for those kids because he's in AARP land and doesn't care, but hey his sperm still swim, so....

That was a lot... like the number of ex wives he's going to have.

#2 DANIEL CRAIG

I have some mixed feelings about Daniel-- besides if he really made a good 007 or not. It seems he's a part of this trend to not leave his kids any money when he double-oh-dies because it ain't cool. So his intention is to give away his fortune while he's alive because he doesn't want to die rich. Sorry, kids. Daddy's worth $160-million, but you'll get nothing and like it.

"I don't want to leave great sums to the next generation. I think inheritance is quite distasteful. My philosophy is get rid of it or give it away before you go."

I get the concept that a person should make their own way in life, but unless your kids are complete douchenozzles, why the hate? There is nothing wrong with building generational wealth, which could lead to greater opportunities for your two daughters and their children. Legacy building ain't all bad.

But since this is how you're rollin', my hand is out if ya wanna drop some cheddar...

#1 MAMA JUNE

It's said that this creature rose to fame thanks to her daughter's (Honey Boo Boo) popularity on Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC. There was even a time when I was happy that Mama June was able to make a better life for herself and her kids. But then she went back to her trailer park ways, because you can't take the trailer park out of the person. One of her boyfriends was the same man that was accused of raping one of her daughters. Uhmmmm, WTF? And then she hooked up with Geno Doak and got into a bunch of trouble with crack cocaine use and possession and blowing through all her reality TV money.

Dumbass.

But she's seen the light, now. After Geno was sentenced to 16 months for his drug charges, she decided to end things with him.

"He's not a part of my life, hasn't been."

Maybe you'll learn that drugs and DV aren't the way to live. Though you've made money from being a hot mess. doesn't mean you shouldn't try to live a better life.

Dear Mama June
Quit thinkin' with your poon
Wake da fuque up
Before you get cut

Do As I Say

8/13/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 13th, 2021:

#3 DEMI LOVATO

I had a lot of love for Demi and everything she's gone through. She was such a sympathetic character. And now, frequently slap-worthy. She's dragged so many people and companies on the socials for no good reason, and now-- she's getting dragged back. Demi made public her disgust that people attended Lollapalooza while there's

"still a pandemic happening."

Oh, but guess who was on stage soon after that keyboard vomiting? Yup. She decided to join All Time Low for a tune in front of a crowd of nearly 10,000. That's not Lollapalooza-sized, but.... the virus can still spread, right?

Kindly go forth and eff-off.

#2 R. KELLY

This dude is all about getting off-- in so many ways. Amongst his laundry list of charges is that he knowingly exposed partners to an STI. New York Public Health Law states:

"Any person who, knowing himself or herself to be infected with an infectious venereal disease, has sexual intercourse with another shall be guilty of a misdemeanor."

But his people say, "hold up". R. knew he was packin' the ick. But the argument is that herpes isn't as serious as gonorrhea, so....

It's still a disease-- like you-- dumbass. And you still knowingly transmitted your poison to whomever you could.

#1 NICK CANNON

After Nick wipes his "d" clean, he apparently wipes his hands clean of any responsibility, too. After fathering four babies in less than a year, the people want to know what's up (besides his wango). Nick says it's simple. He's rebelling...

"That's a Eurocentric concept... the idea that you're supposed to have this one person for the rest of your life. The idea that a man should have one woman... We shouldn't have anything. I have no ownership over this person."

No one said you did. Commitment to one person is what we're talking about. Monogamy. Pfffft. This guy is plain and simply a horn dog who gets off (so to speak) on being virile. And according to Cannonfucious, this whole baby-making thing is on the woman.

"Those women, and all women, are the ones that open themselves up and say, 'I would like to allow this man into my world and I will birth this child. It ain't my decision. I'm just following suit."

"Those women?" You mean your "baby mommas". Plural. So because no one believes in contraception or disease protection, and a woman decides to accept your sperm, she is the one who accepts the responsibility and/or consequences?

Nice try spinning this like you're some evolved creature. HA! For the record, he was seven kids with four different women. And he apparently ain't gonna stop.

What the Stank!?!?

8/6/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 6th, 2021:

#3 MACHINE GUN KELLY (aka: MGK)

K is not okay with his movie "Midnight in the Switchgrass." Plus: he met the love of his life, Megan Fox, on set. Minus: he ain't in the movie that much. In fact, the happy couple skipped the film's premiere and MGK, dropped this tweet:

"If I don't talk or tweet about a movie I'm barely in it's because it's (trash emoji)."

I mean, I applaud your telling the truth. I saw the trailer for this movie and it's not good. First of all, Bruce Willis doesn't need to do these crap movies, or does he? Second, no one is going to believe that your beloved Megan is an FBI agent. Even if I drank an entire bottle of wine would I believe she could be FBI. Unless it's some Cinemax after 11 pm movie, and "switchgrass" is changed to "switchsnatch" and Megan switches identities with another woman to entrap her lover that she believes is cheating on her.

Yes, I just made that up.

#2 ASHTON KUTCHER AND MILA KUNIS

WTH is it with Hollywood and the lack of hygiene? Seriously. Back in the day, I was crushed when it was revealed by Jennifer Aniston that then-hubby Brad Pitt rarely showered. Peee-you! There'd be no way I'd get near that musty fruitbowl! Wash that entire America-Mexico-South America area!

And now this power couple has consciously uncoupled with soap and water. And their kids, too! They don't believe in washing the entire body. But they do wash their "soles and holes" every day. Praise sweet baby Jesus for that at least! In regards to the kids? If they don't see dirt on them, they don't wash 'em. Hello!!!! They have "soles and holes", too.

Please add "pits and tits" to the list. Those can be some funky areas, too. Or better yet, while you're taking care of South America and Antarctica, wash the entire globe!!!

#1 R. KELLY

Why isn't this ultimate POS behind bars? Or breathing our good air? Another day, another depraved allegation against this d*uchenozzle. New York prosecutors came forward recently, accusing R (rapist?) of "grooming" young boys. He's accused of asking a minor:

"... what he was willing to do to succeed in the music business and clarified that he wanted John Doe #1 to engage in sexual contact with Kelly."

But there's more:

The teen introduced R. Criminal to John Doe #2, also a minor, and allegedly:

"paid John Doe #2 after sexual encounters with him."

And here's another gem. Federal documents claim the supposed perv's crisis manager bribed a Cook County clerk after the documentary Surviving R. Kelly aired.

Get this anal leak off the streets. He's a menace!