"I loved Leonard, and he used to refer to me as his brother. Yet at the end of his life and for reasons I still don't know, he was not my friend. He died and I didn't feel welcome at his funeral."
Here's a thought: you should've been the bigger person. So he didn't return your calls. Did you know where he lived? Did you reach out to mutual friends, to family? Sigh.
As every parent has said: "This (slap) is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you." Oh, Shat...
"Khoe and Tristan are doing better than anyone could have expected."
Really. So they're talking "engagement." What about marriage? You know, that thing that's supposed to be about forever. And... did you disinfect his ding donger?
"Tristan has promised Khloe he will never betray her again. She believes him."
Was that a pinky promise? Because those can never be broken. I'm sure he's a man of his word. Bwaaa haaa haaa! Unless you put a padlock on his package, who knows what trollop he's gonna hop on when he's on the road. Just thank him for being your sperm donor and get!
"Maybe I crossed the border, maybe I was too friendly."
WTF? Crossed the border? Like, "crossed the line". Or were you really wanting to travel "south of the border", wink wink. Too friendly? Uh, too "molestor-y" actually. By the way, he honked the hooter THREE TIMES. Three! To make matters even more mortifying, Slick Willie Clinton was looking poor Ariana up and down like she was a plate of biscuits and gravy. Hurl.
Maybe Bishop Beatoff he was invoking the Ernest Angley Method of Health Diagnosis through man-handling genitalia. Perhaps he was getting a jump-start on Breast Cancer Awareness month and was preforming a rudimentary mammogram. Or better yet, perhaps he's just the Reverend Douchebag.
Either way, you're going to Hell.