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Unfollowed & Unforgiven

11/15/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending November 15, 2019:

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#3 MILEY CYRUS
As well all know by now, Miley has split from her husband, Liam Hemsworth, moved on to some chick named Kaitlyn, and is now partnered with Cody Simpson. Yes, we're getting itchy just thinking about it. But this latest tidbit has landed The Virus back on the list. Miley was reportedly devastated when Liam unfollowed her on Instagram. Yup. Not the whole getting-divorced-is-crushing. A source said:

"She thought somehow they would find their way back to each other and she was holding onto that, but then Liam unfollowed her and that was his way of saying it's really done. Yeah, Liam is not turning back. After all that's been happening with her, she had been distracting herself from it all but now she is really feeling it. It's quite sad."

Boo-effin'-hoo. This is the same chick that took shots at her ex on social media, alluding to some alleged cheating on his part. Methinks now she was just getting back at him for the nasty, rude, heartless UNFOLLOW.

Perhaps you should be more concerned with who follows who in your coochie...

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#2 ABC NEWS & JOEY BUTTAFUOCO
Like a pimple that keeps coming back, you'd think this insult to men and Italians world-round would've disappeared for good. But, no.... Thanks to ABC and its upcoming "Growing Up Buttafuoco" special, we get to re-live the infamous 1992 incident that was milked for TV movies, TV appearances, books, and more. 

If you don't recall, 17-year-old Amy Fisher shot Joey's wife Mary Jo in the face in Long Island, New York. Butthead went to jail for six months for statutory rape of Amy. Meanwhile, Amy served time for attempted murder. And Mary Jo suffered from facial paralysis and ear damage from the attack. 

With this special, we get to hear from Jessie Buttafuoco-- who was 9-years-old at the time of the attack. Like we really need her perspective?

First off, ABC-- out of ideas for stories? Especially since it's the 27th anniversary. Couldn't wait til the 30th anniversary.

Secondly, Buttaf*cko-- nobody wants to hear from you, nor feels sorry for your lack of wang control and skeevy ways.

P.S. I keep thinking of that SNL skit with Jan Hooks pronouncing Buttafuoco "Butt-uh-foo-oh-co...


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#1 JIM EDMONDS
​Who knew this former star baseball player was such a giant douchesniffer!?!? Guess his divorce to his current wife is getting extra ugly as he called police to question her ability to care for their kids after her girls' nite out.

Damn!

"Meghan came home from being out with friends and she had a couple glasses of wine. It was the first time Jim stayed at her house and put the kids to sleep since he filed for divorce, so she met up with friends. She didn't drive...She was washing her face when she heard someone knock around 10:30 pm. An officer was there with Jim and told her Jim said he was worried she couldn't care for the kids."

Meghan was deemed fit by officers. Meanwhile, put your bully bat away Jimmy. You filed for divorce. You want her out of your life. 

Jim claimed he was just trying to "protect the situation." K. Didn't you mean, change-your-mind-and-spin-it? This from the guy with an inappropriate relationship with the nanny. This from the guy who sent inappropriate text messages to some rando. But they were non-"rooster" pics, allegedly. Who knows. Maybe at this point it looks like a dried-up drumstick from KFC, so...

Cloudy with a 100% Chance of Miley

10/25/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending October 25, 2019:

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#3 ALWAYS
The former feminine hygiene product is no longer femme-only. Because the brand removed the female-face symbol on its packaging as to include everyone. First of all, I didn't even know there was a "face" on the packaging. That's not my main concern when choosing such products. Secondly, Always has been on my personal slap list for their out-of-touch marketing. Like the slogan:

                                                           "Have a happy period."

Nope. Not one time have I ever been excited about the bloating, the bleeding, the soccer game going on in my uterus every 21 days. Never. 

Hey, Always. It's great you're including everyone (maybe dudes can shove one between their butt cheeks when Taco Tuesday goes awry.) But now that everyone's included, can we make the price more reasonable?

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#2 PRINCE HARRY AND PRINCE WILLIAM
​I never imagined I would ever slap these two (unless it was during some royal fantasy play), but here they are. We all know that family members don't always get along all the time. But it makes me sad these boys have drifted apart. Prince Harry said:

"Part of this role and part of this job, this family, being under the pressure that it's under, inevitably stuff happens. But look, we're brothers, we'll always be brothers. We're certainly on different paths at the moment but I'll always be there for him and as I know he'll always be there for me."

Oh, come on! And by the by, moving to Africa with Meghs won't help the rift. The two of you should know how quickly life can be gone. So, put your b.s. aside and meet me in my dreams! Er, put your b.s. aside and hug it out and then do good for the Crown and the world-- together.

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#1 MILEY CYRUS
She had avoided the slap hand for a while. And now she's back topping the list for a second week in a row. Remember how she wanted privacy during the rough patch after her breakup from her hubs Liam Hemsworth? Whelp, guess it's time to spill that tea. Because this cooch sore is having all her feelings through Insta Live with her current Wang of the Week, Cody Simpson:

"There are good men out there, guys, don't give up. You don't have to be gay, there are good people with dicks out there, you've just got to find them. You've got to find a dick that's not a dick, you know? I always thought I had to be gay, because I thought all guys were evil, but it's not true. There are good people out there that just happen to have dicks. I've only ever met one, and he's on this live."

Classy.

So much here. The insults to gay folk. The insults to the male gender. And the insults to Liam-- who has remained calm and quiet through all of this. Perhaps he had grown tired of Hurricane Virus. 

You epitomize everything that is wrong with celebrity. Two weeks in a row for this tw*t waffle....

The Cyrus is Spreading

10/18/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending October 17, 2019:

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#3 MAMA JUNE
You can take the trash out, but it's still trash. This unfortunate reality TV star had it all, except class and common sense, but we digress. She and her loser boyfriend, Geno Doak (or is that D*ck?) have both entered "not guilty" pleas in their crack cocaine possession case. These two starred in the We TV reality series "From Hot to Not." The two didn't show up in an Alabama courtroom, which disappointed the reality TV crew. (Why does she still have a show?)

Anywho... the last time Doak was in court, he shouted a homophobic slur and cussed out a photographer. Why can't this slob-y wench disappear?

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#2 JON GOSSELIN
This dude continues to be an embarrassment to the Korean people, as well as the male gender in general. He's still unhappy with his ex-wife, Kate. I get it. He's not thrilled that Kate continues to film "Kate Plus 8" with their children-- the youngest six are all 15 now. Sure, a judge ruled that filming isn't the best thing for the kids. But methinks Jon protesting isn't because of his love for his children:

"(The network) didn't care. It's really upsetting that big businesses and big corporations go do whatever they want, against a parent's legal right. I do know what (Kate's) capable of, whether it's mental or physical (abuse). I have two kids in my house who left a whole pile of money behind. They left fame and money and came to my house. They left it all behind."

And you left your (steady, high-paying) engineering job to pursue your nightclub-DJ dreams (not-so-steady, maybe a one-time big pile... of money). You can'T support eight kids without a J-O-B. Miss that reality money yourself, don't you?

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#1 CODY SIMPSON AND MILEY CYRUS
Is Miley's bucket list really a f*ckit list-- like, anything that moves? She dumped her lady love for some Oscar Mayer, in the form of Cody Simpson. He says their uglies-bumpin' "wasn't sudden" and "he's very happy." Wasn't Miley recently really happy with what's-her-face? And if this wasn't sudden, then was she cheating on the lady she was cheating on her husband with? Exactly. It hurts your head, no? Cody says:

"We just have a ball (or two-- wink, wink)  and that's the most important part of a relationship. The reason why it's not like... it hasn't been a really crazy sudden thing is we've been friends for so long that when we sort of found each other again in a space where... We both met back in the day when we were partying a lot. We had a lot of fun then... but now we've found each other in a space where we're not partying, working real hard and just like (to) keep things healthy."

But I thought the reason Miley dumped that chick was because it was moving too fast towards commitment? Maybe she just needed to fill the hole... in her heart...

Why does anyone want this hazmat vag? It's not golden. Gooey, maybe...

Mani Above All Else

9/27/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending September 27, 2019:

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#3 ASHTON KUTCHER
Demi Moore has written a scathing autobiography, and girl is spillin' all the tea! In fact, she blames threesomes for her divorce from Ashton Kutcher:

                                    "I wanted to show him how great and fun I could be."

Uhmmm... there are other ways to show your "fun side".  Guess Ashton used the three-play as a free pass to cheat. You know, since he technically "cheated" in said threesome.

Demi, you get slapped for a poor decision. Ashton, you get slapped for being an asshat.

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#2 MILEY CYRUS
What in the af are you doing? You break up your marriage with the person you considered to be your best chance at "for life" partner status for Kaitlynn Carter-- only to break up with her a month later.  I could care less if you love a man, a woman, a sheep. But you're irresponsible with your vaj. breaking hearts and spanking asses ain't the way to live-- unless you're a dominatrix. Weren't you a dom at one point? Anywho, guess this is no longer true:

"Miley and Kaitlynn are on the same page, which is why they work so well together. (Miley) can totally be herself with Kaitlynn." 

Rumor has it that things were getting too serious and Miley didn't want that. Please, Cyrus Virus. Seal that vault between your legs.

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#1 KIM KARDASHIAN
When they call childbirth a "miracle" it's because it is. Because so many things can go wrong for conception to world entry. But, some people are too superficial and shallow to think-- at all. It came out recently that Kimmie delayed her first child's birth by two hours because she needed to get a manicure. What in the af?!?

While eating a McGriddle and getting a bikini wax, her doc called her and said she had to deliver North immediately because Kim had preeclampsia. But then she looked down at her nails and just couldn't deliver her baby in such sub-fab conditions!

"And my nails were, like, dark. It was when I was still in my Lincoln Park After Dark phase of nails or like my Burgundy nails. And I was like, 'Oh, no no, I'm having a girl. I really need a nice light pink nail for delivery.' So I told the doctor, 'Are you sure I have to deliver right now? Can you give me like two hours?' And he was like, 'Fine, meet me in two hours.'"

I mean, we get it. Your appearance is far more important than your health or your baby's. NOT! Who the f*ck is looking at your hands during delivery!?!?!? And since you're the queen of Photoshop, one of your lackey's could've changed your nail color.

Not only is this true-life story completely asinine, but you have no clue at what a vapid dumbass you really are. 

Twit Epidemic

8/16/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending August 16, 2019:

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#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former Southern Charm castmember
People can be hateful, hell-bent on destroying someone else. And people with privilege and money are even more hateful because they feel they can get away with it. This disgraced former politician served time in a federal prison for intent to sell a large amount of cocaine. He's been accused multiple times of assaulting women. He was exited from a reality TV show. And now, he won't stop fighting his baby momma, Southern Charm castmember Kathryn Dennis-- whether in court or via social media. This dude is on a smear campaign and is determined to hurt her every way he can.

Kathryn's mother recently died after a long battle with cancer. So, this psycho ass hat felt it was the perfect opportunity to kick someone when they're down. On the day of this woman's passing, Rapenel (alleged) posted a picture of his mother with his children by Kathryn on Twitter. Low blow. One Twitter follower called him out:

                            "Really? Timing is everything. You suck more every day."

True. Perhaps he'll go back to prison and suck whatever every day.

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#2 OLIVIA JADE
This bratty rectum fungus has made a major life decision. She's not going back to USC! You know, that university that her mommy and daddy (Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannuilli) lied and cheated (allegedly) to get her into. She's now going to return to her career as: Social Media Influencer.

"She never wanted to attend USC to begin with, and now she is sure that USC isn't the place for her. Right now her goal is to rebuild her brand and business."

Good luck. She lost a ton of jack after brands dropped her during the scandal. Her "people" are trying to convince her to start her own brand of something-- cosmetics, clothing. Whatevs. But since she has no ethics, perhaps her brand should test on animals, make clothing in sweatshops, etc... Here's an idea-- She could pimp things for liars: burner phones, clean urine samples, Ashley Madison subscriptions....

Here's another idea: Eat a large bag of dicks.

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Speaking of eating some Oscar Mayer, Miley is apparently done with meat and is going vajeegan. After less than a year of marriage to Liam Hemsworth, she's decided to call it quits. In a mutual statement:

"Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is what's best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Please respect their process and privacy."

Privacy? This cooch waffle is nothing but an open-spread-eagle book. How many times have we been tortured with pics of her crotch? And that damned tongue sticking out of her stupid head! Anywho, she left her hot hubs for Brody Jenner's ex-wife Kaitlynn Carter. Miley and Kaitlynn took a girl's trip to Italy, and when they returned-- Miley dumped Liam. What a coincidence. 

Seriously, who would ever want to be near this petri dish? Like the air around her would be heavy with funk. You really are a virus, Cyrus. MRSA times a thousand. How much penicillin will it take to wipe you from the planet?

Life Offenders

12/14/2018

 
Offenders for the week ending December 14, 2018:

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​#3 KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN
John Mayer has his sights set on Kourtney. For the love of all things sacred-- don't go there! I'm not a Kardashian fan, but no one deserves John-Oscar-Mayer. The two were chatting at GQ's Men of the Year party. He was "very into" her. Yeah, and he was heard dropping lines like their crossing paths was "sweet serendipity" and that they should "meet up again soon."

Gag. 

Kourtney is supposedly not feeling the Mayer (Yay!). Let's keep it that way. Stay strong. Get. Batteries.

Run from this wang as fast as you can!

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​#2 TISH CYRUS
The bonds between a mom and child can be so strong. so it's so sweet that Miley Cyrus and mom Tish are close. Because they smoke weed together.

Miley had given up the green last spring. But momma encouraged her to start again. Miley was happy to be pot-free because she wanted to speak clearly while promoting her new record. But Tish must've said something awesome to change her mind.

"My mom smokes a lot of week. She's gonna be like, 'Well, I've been wanting to do a weed company so you got me started. I'll get you in, don't worry.'"

Oh, goodie. Tish wants to run a business in which she can be in charge of Quality Control? Sigh.

Who cares if you are a potter. But encouraging others to join in-- especially your child no matter what her age-- is repulsive. She was proud and happy to be off of everything, but losers love company.

​Way to go, mom of the year.

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#1 NICKI MINAJ
WTF!?!? There are plenty of fish in the sea (and probs in your crotch) So why date a criminal? Especially one that is a registered sex offender!?!? 

The large-assian is dating some douche named Kenneth Petty. The two made their relationship Insta official over the weekend. I can do a quickie Google search to find info on anyone. With your resources, you can't do a thorough background check? 

It's one thing if you didn't know. But once you found out, why not drop him like a bad habit? Oh, because you support sex offenders. And you think it's all good. Nicki's man was convicted in 1995 of attempted rape in the first degree involving a 16-year-old girl. He was sentenced 18-to-54 months in prison. Meanwhile, Nicki's brother was found guilty in 2017 of sexually assaulting an 11-year-old. Oh-- she's also publicly supported rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine who was involved in a sexually explicit video of a 13-year-old girl.

And you've criticized Cardi B's parenting. You're a horrible human. Zip it, beyotch!

You are the company you keep, so, I guess you're okay with being a POS. Enjoy being a d*ck rag for the rest of your life.

Disgusting. Please never have kids for your man to molest. 

Hollow. Like Your Head...

8/4/2017

 
​Offenders for the week ending August 4, 2017:
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Respect your nipples, and they will respect you...
​#3 DAVID IRVING
Our athletes love their bling. Big necklaces; huge diamond stud earrings; pinky rings the size of the moon; and... nipple rings. The Cowboys defensive end has been sidelined because of his injured nipple. David was wearing said jewels during training camp, and it was YANKED out. 

Why in the name of all things joyous are you wearing a friggin' nipple ring to practice? Common sense dictates taking out ALL of your jewelry when engaging in a physical activity. Fortunately, dude didn't get his entire nipple yanked out. Could you imagine? 
​
Now I'm curious. What else is pierced? Should we call you Prince David? Maybe you need titty cups to protect the boob baubles.

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"Why don't you believe me?"
#2 CHARLIE SHEEN
Charlie's pal, Rob Lowe, has this new show on A&E called "The Lowe Files" where Lowe and his sons investigate myths-- like Bigfoot. Well, there was a big revelation on the show, and I don't mean Bigfoot.... Charlie believes the moon is hollow. 

Charlie has no scientific evidence, but instead chooses to believe the conspiracy theory that the moon rings like a bell. Okay. Oh, and a hollow moon is featured in the H. G. Wells novel "The First Men on The Moon." 

Tiger Blood; #Winning; and now this... Thanks for the material.

P.S. But I thought the moon was made of cheese...

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"Tastes like chicken..."
#1 MILEY CYRUS
Oh, Miley. Just when we all thought she's done a complete turnaround... this. Younger sister, Noah, shared the stage with Slimey. The two had fun singing together and soaking the crowd with water guns, until Miley spat in Noah's mouth. Say wha?

                "... she actually spit in my mouth while I was speaking. So that wasn't fun."

While I want to give props to Miley for the perfect shot, I. Just. Can't. Spit is not cool. Spit is gross. Spit is something you choose not to have in your mouth, thus the spitting!

Makes all those photos of your not keeping your tongue in your mouth seem acceptable. By the way, I think you just impregnated your sister. 

​PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

This Slap is on Fyre!

5/5/2017

 
Offenders for the week ending May 5, 2017:
Picture
"WHAT'S MY NAAAAAME????"
#3 OPRAH
When you have more money than Zeus and you're friggin' Oprah Winfrey, why do you give two f*cks about anything. Seriously? I wouldn't care. Period. But Oprah wants you to "Say Her Name, Say Her Name," or else! It was "Kids Day" at O HQ, and Oprah bribed a kid with $10 if she could tell her who she was. So. Pathetic. Someone captured it on video:
I know Gayle King wasn't around to kiss your hiney, but please. Apparently, the Big O hasn't been around children much. Because if she had, she'd know that when children are put on the spot-- even about sharing what their own name is-- they freeze up. Hope daddy ain't out of a job now since kiddo choked. Just go home, Oprah, and get whatever you need from Steadman Your Manservant/Boyfriend/Sadsack.

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"Like all dem greats, I be goin' by one name."
​#2 BILLY RAY CYRUS
"Hey, y'all. I is a needin' to be there relevanting again, so Imma gonna change my name. Cuz me not comfys in this Billy Ray skin no more." -- The "Artist" Formerly Known As Billy Ray.

Since the embarrassment of his loins, Miley, has calmed down, Papa Ray has to do something, right? So, he's going to change his name to: Cyrus. Just. Cyrus. Because that's what he's always wanted:

"... I always went by Cyrus, and I begged Mercury Records to call me Cyrus in the beginning because that's what I was comfortable with. I'm going to the hospital where I was born in Bellefonte, Kentucky, and legally changing my name."

Awesome. But you should know that you have to go to the COURTHOUSE to get that name change. Yeah. Well, until you make the change on August 25th, we're gonna call you Billy Ray Butthole. Yeah, I'm bringing back first grade insults, because I've always wanted to roll that way.

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Ja's and Billy's dreams go up in smoke...
​#1 JA RULE AND BILLY MCFARLAND
Granted, I'm not taking the side of the entitled bratty genetic wastes of space, but this is some stuff. Ja and Billy decided they were going to stage this awesome festival in the Bahamas. The Fyre Festival was pushed by famous folk and social media influencers as:

"a unique, multi-day luxury music and arts festival with celebrity chef-catered meals and impressive accommodations."

Tickets ranged from $1,500 to $12,000 with those who bought VIP passes getting access to a yacht. Yipee! Sounds like paradise.... But, it failed. Big time. Headliner Blink 182 pulled out, and when festival-goers got there, they were treated to relief tents and mattresses, cheese sandwiches, and port-a-potties. 

So, the Dipsh*t Duo said the Bahamas didn't have the infrastructure to accommodate such an event. Duh. Take a page out of the Sandals resort playbook (which your non-event was next too)-- you build the infrastructure and isolate the clients in paradise. Or even better-- partner with Sandals. They have great food and great accommodations!

Sigh. You two are quite the entre-manures, aren't ya? And get this-- these fools are gonna try it again next year. BWAAAA HAAAAA! Stop. Just. Stop.

P.S. I'd be all about the FRYe festival. But I'd only pay $2.50 for it...

PHOTO CREDIT:
GIFs www.giphy.com

A Mimi, A Stinky, & A Dick-y...

6/5/2015

 
Offenders for the week of June 1, 2015:
This week, we discover which phone number our Slapees should have on speed-dial...
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"Maybe I'm craaaazzzzzy..."
#3 MARIAH CAREY
OFFENSE: Self-abusing

We've been amused by your diva ways over the years. We even rolled with your infamous 2001 MTV TRL meltdown... now it's time for a much-needed reality check. Yes, reality. Not this delusional drug and alcohol haze you've reportedly creating for yourself. 

Back in the day, you couldn't give much credence to the National Enquirer-- BUT-- they've broken so many stories over the years, including Tiger Woods and John Edwards, so... Her brother claims that she's caught in a suicidal web of alcohol and drug abuse, and that Mariah was even hittin' the bottle when she was pregnant. She's supposedly trying to numb her mental struggles with wine and champagne. 

Come on! You're extremely talented and beautiful-- don't ruin it! Consider this a much-needed wake-up slap!

On speed-dial: 1-800-DON'T-WAKE-UP-DEAD

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"What HASN'T been in my mouth!"
#2 MILEY CYRUS
OFFENSE: Rank
Miley's sporting a long, luxurious fur... under her armpits! And she's damn proud of them! In fact, she showed them off on Instagram. Thank goodness Instagram ain't scratch-n-sniff... Why the need for the added accessory? It's not like you're hiking in Guatemala, eating granola and wearing Crocs for Greenpeace. Are you storing your blunts in there? Your pride? Are you trying for some gross Guinness World Record for length? Maybe you're using it as a fashion accessory or scarf on those chilly nights? Or perhaps you enjoy the... aroma of your own stank. Cuz unshaven, crusty pit hair is a turn-on... for... woodland creatures... or the Japanese...

This does leave me with one question: I wonder if the pits match the carpet? Shaggy!

On speed-dial: 1-800-CHEWBACCA-CHACH

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"I am f*cking awesome!"
#1 CHRIS BROWN
OFFENSE: A waste of genetic matter

This loser sack-pimple was flying high recently-- and literally on a private jet. He was spending quality time with Mary Jane when he couldn't control his douchey ways. Smoking, of any kind, is banned by the FAA-- even on private jets. When the flight crew reminded Chrissy of that, he handled it the way he usually does...

He "eloquated":  ‘I paid $60,000 for this jet, so I own it and everyone inside.’”  


Awwww, you're such a big, important man! When an older female flight attendant continued to address the situation, this was his "touching" response:

  "What is your old ass doing here anyway? I like to have the help be people I’d actually like to f---.’” 

All this from a man who's supposedly "changed". It's just a shame, what a disgrace you are to your family, your gender, and to humankind.

Too bad the flight crew didn't open the door and push you out... without a parachute. 

On speed-dial: 1-800--GO-CHOKE-ON-YOUR-SISTER'S-"RICHARD"

PHOTO CREDIT:
Mariah Carey: https://www.flickr.com/photos/disneyabc/
Miley Cyrus: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hotgossipitalia/
Chris Brown: https://www.flickr.com/photos/evarinaldiphotography/

A Clan of "C U Next Tuesdays" (?)

1/30/2015

 
(Yeah. The above title might be a little rough.) Offenders for the week of January 26, 2015:
Picture"I hate you." "I hate you more."
#3 KYLIE AND KENDALL JENNER
OFFENSE: Brainless 'beauties'

It's on, bitches! Kylie (on the right) hates her sister Kendall (on the left) because waaaaay back when they were little girls, Kendall cut Kylie's hair really short! Apparently, she's no longer traumatized cuz she's sportin' a shorter 'do. But don't let that B.S. story mask the true reason for her burning hatred-- Momager monster Kris has publicly declared that she is turning her focus from Kim to Kendall-- with the belief that Kendall could be the next Audrey Hepburn. HA HA HA HA HA HA! Really, this entire family should get into comedy. With that aside, I believe the sisters should just catfight it out for momma's attention. But they're probably too lazy for that. Let's have someone else fight on their behalf. I say Jon Gosselin vs. Dustin Diamond. Hey, they both need jobs. 




PictureWhat can Miley fit in her mouth?
#2 MILEY CYRUS
OFFENSE: Bad naked
Miley and her beau-- Patrick Schwarzenegger-- were frolicking in the ocean while vacationing in Hawaii. She, of course, was topless. That's great, because you can save time not having to do extra laundry. But seriously. That's not the problem. That toxic-waste crotch of yours is a problem and could constitute some kind of hazardous spill in the Pacific Ocean. Worse than the Exxon Valdez. Somebody fine this nuisance! She's killing off marine life!


P.S. Best get some sunscreen on them cheese nips, girl, before                                                                          they look like dried cherries.

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#1 KATHIE LEE GIFFORD
OFFENSE: 
Why is this Crypt Keeper still on TV? She's threatening to leave the Today show because she's upset at NBC News honcho Deb Turness. I guess boss lady refused to air Kathie Lee's 18-minute musical before the live broadcast of Peter Pan. Egads! Good for Deb! The only time Kathie Lee was interesting was when her Hall of Fame Fossil Frank Gifford cheated on her with an airline stewardess last century. I think she should go back to doing those Carnival Cruise commercials. She could then fall overboard... into the Bermuda Triangle... GONE FOREVER! Maybe that's just my fantasy...


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    About The Slap

    I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)

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