Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

B-I-L-L NO!

3/26/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

#3 MAMA JUNE

Trash is in the genes. Seems that way with this one. She rose to reality TV fame while pimping-out her daughter, Honey Boo Boo on the child pageant circuit. Then, came a string of reality shows for the matriarch. From extreme weight loss, to severed relationships with some of your daughters (for dating the man that raped one of them), to drug charges and living in your car (you had a beautiful home with all that reality money.) And now, yet another TV show "Mama June: Road to Redemption." In which she dishes about living in her car with her deadbeat, druggy BF:

"We were staying in Jackson, Georgia. We weren't using because we didn't have any money."

Thank goodness. Because who's taking care of Honey Boo Boo? She's only 15. Hopefully, you're woke now. And not in a political way-- but in a real life way. You had $750,000 that you put up your nose. Shame on you. Kick the trash to the curb and kick it out of your soul, woman!

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#2 KYLIE JENNER

Raise your hand if you're tired of entitled brats who lack awareness? Yup. The billionaire took some major heat for promoting a celebrity makeup artist's GoFundMe. She told her sheep to donate to Samuel Rauda's fundraiser after he was involved in a serious accident that required surgery. She did pitch-in $5,000 towards the $120,000 goal. But... you've worked with this dude before. You've spent a minimum of $100,000 grand on your baby's birthday party. You could've easily covered this person's expenses. But no. Just ask the zombies to spend money they don't have because they have bigger hearts than your fake lips.

She was called out on the socials:

"If I was as rich as Kylie Jenner I simply wouldn't ask ppl on the internet to donate for my best friend's brain surgery but we all built different I guess."

"How come Kylie Jenner isn't paying her makeup artist enough to afford a $60,000 surgery?"

Guess you don't get rich by spending money. Unless it's for something you can socialbrag about.

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#1 BILL COSBY

This. Mother. F&cker. He thinks he's getting out of prison soon. In fact, the 83-year-old rapist expects to be free to drop pills in drinks as early as next month. So confident this one is, he's refused to participate in sexual predator counseling sessions:

"Just a few days ago they came to him and asked if he would go to those counseling courses for being a sexual violent predator and he said 'No. I am not guilty of this and I am not going to any courses. By attending those courses, I am admitting guilt.'"

Sixty (60) women came forward, accusing you of drugging and raping them over the past 40 years. But they're all lying, right? It was all consensual, right?

That's right. They couldn't say "no" because they were drugged. Just because you don't believe what you did was wrong doesn't mean it wasn't. You're just a scumbag, like other scumbags, except you're scummier because you've got money to pay people off and stroke your... ego.

I hope you die behind bars with a pudding pop in your pipe.

Do Not Pass Go

6/26/2020

Offenders for the week ending June 26, 2020:

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#3 JIM EDMONDS

The former pro baseballer/reality TV husband of Meghan King Edmonds (formerly of Real Housewives of Orange County) paid a pre-pube-boner-long-j*zzy tribute to his new GF on the Insta. We'll summarize:

"I was in such a dark place, going through hell ending a loveless and abusive relationship. The lies and accusations that followed the break up... Along came this beautiful woman by chance."

Pffft. By chance...Wake up, Jimmy. That "chance" is because your wallet still "works". Which is why as you get older, your wives get progressively younger...

This guy is a delusional, arrogant POS. Loveless marriage? From the guy on camera yelling and badgering his now ex-wife. This from the guy who wasn't there for her as she underwent her IVF treatment. Literally was not in town. This from the guy that allegedly banged the nanny (he just had "thoughts"). This from the guy sexting other women while married... So happy you found your fourth victim, er, ex-wife-to-be.

(The above gif is not Jimmy. But it is an accurate sentiment...)

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#2 CAMILLE COSBY

Stand blindly by you man, right? For the first time in 6-years, Bill Cosby's wife is talking. She's so pleased the Pennsylvania Supreme Court has agreed to review two aspects of Rape-y's case. But that's not all. She took her moment in the sun to call the #MeTooMovement racist.

?

She said that movement has:

"intentional ignorance pertaining to the history of particular white women-- not all white women-- but particular white women, who have from the very beginning, pertaining to the enslavement of African people, accused black males of sexual assault without any proof whatsoever, no proof, anywhere on the face of the Earth."

It's viewpoints like this that don't help the cause. And WTF is she talking about "particular white women". Ones with blue eyes? Ones that live in the 'burbs? White wives of plantation owners? Some of the biggest offenders in #MeToo have been middle-aged white men. Attacking women. So...

Look, asshat. Your husband is a rapist. He admitted such in his civil lawsuit. He admitted to giving drugs to women in order to have sex with them without their consent. That's rape. Proven.

(The above gif is not Mrs. Asshat. It's Mr. Asshat.)

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#1 MYKA STAUFFER

This horrendous pile of human excrement is finally apologizing for "re-homing" the son she adopted. The son with autism from China that she and her husband and four other kids adopted when the child was two. Oh, Huxley was four when they booted him last month. That means he probs will remember this family and that he was "returned". But Myka the-rich-bitch-assh&le-YouTube-"star" is, like, really sorry.

"This decision has caused so many people heart break and I'm sorry for letting down so many women that looked up to me as a mother... I could have never anticipated the incidents which occurred on a private level to ever have happened, and I was trying my best to navigate the hardest thing I have ever been through... I apologize for being so naive when I started the adoption process, I was not selective or fully equipped or prepared..."

She then rambles about how she only received a day of training and didn't know enough, and blah, blah, blah. You didn't know this child had special needs. Please. But, bright spot!

"... I can't say I wish this never happened because I'm still so glad Huxley is here and getting all the help he needs. I also know that even though he is happier in his new home and doing better that he still experienced trauma... no adoptee deserves more trauma..."

She later tried to say that Huxley-- the 4-year-old boy-- asked to be "re-homed". Un-effing-believable. I'm calling bullsh*t on that. Completely.

You're sorry now? Right. It's 'cuz you lost all that endorsement money. I guess how we're really feeling about you is: F&CK YOU!

P.S. Do us all a favor and just go straight to Hell right now.

(The above gif is not this b*tch. It's a steamy pile. Which she is...)

Daddy Dickest

6/21/2019

Offenders for the week ending June 21, 2019:

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#3 JIM EDMONDS

The former MLB star and kinda Real Housewives of Orange County cast member made a kind of confession-non-confession about cheating but-not-cheating on his wife, former RHOC star Meghan King Edmonds. This is what she said:

"I called Jimmy and he confessed to me that he had exchanged lewd photos with this woman over the course of several months and a physical relationship never existed. He paid her off to protect me so I'd never find out. Do I believe him? I don't know. Because I don't trust him anymore. Physical or not, he still had an affair and he admits this to me."

The vow-breaker admits to his actions but is vehement that there was nothing physical. So, guess he's not a cheater. Pffft. But he did pseudo-cheat while his wife was preggo. Classy. Keep your rooster to yourself. Nobody wants to see that dried-up jerky.

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#2 OJ SIMPSON

What in the af, dude!?!? He's served prison for one of his lesser crimes, and now that he's been free for a while he's decided to join Twitter. The Juice already has nearly a million followers. His first tweet was a video in which he said:

"I've got a little getting even to do."

Didn't you do that in 1994? Anywho, a parody OJ account screenshot-ed several menacing direct messages from OJ. He isn't pleased about this account that has filleted him about his acquittal in '94. Instead of ignoring the account, he maybe was "getting even" when he allegedly sent a ton of messages with, get this-- a string of 16 knife emojis and the warning:

"I WILL FIND YOUR ASS AND CUT YOU"

But remember, OJ didn't do it. He didn't do anything, but play football, run around airports and star in Police Academy and The Naked Gun.

Back to the golf course to find the real killers!

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#1 BILL COSBY

You remember ol' Billy. The actor/comedian/douchenozzle known as "America's Dad" that drugged and raped women over the decades? Welp, he shared a poignant message for all dads on Father's Day-- from prison:

"Hey, Hey, Hey... It's America's Dad... I know it's late, but to all of the Dads... it's an honor to be called a Father so let's make today a renewed oath to fulfilling our purpose-- strengthening our families and communities."

We have a message for you, Bill:

"Why don't you go play hide-and-go-f&ck yourself?"

Seriously? You. Giving advice!?!? On how to be a proper human being? On how to find just the right roofie mix to knock a woman out? STFU!

And, to make things even more insulting, this delusional dick pop is giving lectures to his felon, uh, fellow, inmates on the topic of:

How to get your lives together once they're free.

He's sharing tips on how to re-bond with your children, leading by example, how to find work, and how to stay clean.

Your transparent good deeds won't keep you from the fires of hell, America's Predator.

I say we teach him our own lesson. Why don't we all gather 'round, throw him on a pile of those ridiculous sweaters he used to wear and beat him with bars of soap...

Tricky Dickies

9/28/2018

Offenders for the week ending September 28, 2018:

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#3 TRISTAN THOMPSON

This dude cannot quit the pink taco! Earlier this year, T.T. was caught in a cheating scandal. And now, guess what? He was spotted leaving a Hollywood club with two brunettes. Double dribble! Well, there's no evidence that he engaged in any no-no place activities. But... he does behave in a suspicious manner.

Things have been going groovy for Khloe Kardashian and Tristan. They moved to California for the summer so her family could spend time with their baby, Tru. The Kardashians forgave Tristan's wander wang ways, and everything was peaches and cream. (And perhaps he's getting some peaches and cream for dessert.)

Or... the reason he left the club with the two brunettes is because he's an Uber driver on the side... Or, he wants to ensure more CAVS victories. He plays better when he plays around.

#GivinRides

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#2 KANYE WEST

Kanye should go work at Wendy's, cuz he's beefin' again. This time with Drake, Nick Cannon, and Tyson Beckford. Damn! That's a triple combo meal with cheese! Mr. West had these words:

"I just want to express some tings that are not sitting right with my spirit. Now that I'm out of the sunken place, I think and just be Ye and express how I feel. There's a couple of things I want to address. First of all I want to address Nick Cannon, like, I understand that you used to date my wife, but you know, you're (giving) an interview, don't mention my wife. Don't be making no suggestions, like nobody f&cked my wife."

What? I dozed off. See, Nick said that Drake "smashed" Kim Kardashian.

Would this really be shocking? And who cares. Many a train has spilled its cargo rollin' through that tunnel.

He's mad at Tyson for saying his boo is a homophobe, and is mad at Drake for something involving his maybe-secret love child.

Did you get all that? But Kanye is an optimist:

"... all three of you all, come talk to me. Holla at me. We will work it out and come to a resolution..."

Uhm. I don't think they give a rat's Yeezy about this mess.

#ZipYoLip

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#1 BILL COSBY

In case you missed it, Mr. Roofie Rapist was sentenced to three to 10 years in prison for drugging and raping Andrea Constand. Poor convict allegedly went ballistic at his home during his sentencing phase. Basically, he was upset that his lawyers didn't do a better job defending him. So, he tried to slam his cane on his kitchen counter, missed, and almost went through the window instead.

"He had a drink of iced tea and then tried swinging it again."

BWAAA HAAAA HAAAA!

Reports indicate that Kung Fu F&ckface swings his cane often at stuff and noises because he can't see. Guess he'll have to get good with a broom handle in prison. Speaking of, Billy had a rough first day behind bars. Someone threw a stale hotdog bun at him, and he fell down a flight of steps because he's not allowed to have his cane. He told his complicit wife, Camille to:

"...grab the checkbook and hire anyone and everyone" to get him out of prison.

I can only imagine how difficult his shower situation will be. Finally, after all these years and all those victims... Some justice. This is the legacy you now leave behind, ball fuzz.

#PuddinPopInThePooper

A Night of Jass...

1/26/2018

Offenders for the week ending January 26, 2018:

In reference to herself...

#3 KENYA MOORE

This Real Housewives of Atlanta cast member can throw shade and insults and whatnot, but she surely can't take it. So girlfriend is gonna cry about it and get downright nasty. On the latest episode, some kind of drama at some kind of event got stirred up, and Kenya got maaaaaad:

"(I don't) give a f*ck about any of those bitches!... Every time I do something positive, it turns into some bullsh$t!"

I call it karma, Oh Great Pot Stirrer. Go cry somewhere else.

First, you get a fat paycheck to be dramatic. Second, if you didn't elect to participate in this show no one would remember who you are. (For those of you who don't remember her only claim to fame, she was Miss USA sometime in the early 90s.)

Please, leave the show. Then you can concentrate on your fake marriage.

I introduce to you the Smelly Cat. Her claws are always out and ready to strike...

#2 MEGYN KELLY

Your show sucks a warted ween, but at least you're good at getting yourself on the Slap List. Kudos to you for not knowing how to let things go. Case in point: Jane Fonda. If you recall, Jane was one of Smeg's early guests. She was there to promote her movie with Robert Redford. Well, Meglette had to inquire about Jane's multiple face lifts. Because that's relevant to.... After a few weeks of allegedly letting it go, it bubbleth over again. Megyn's latest poke?:

"I have no regrets about that question, nor am I in the market for a lesson from Jane Fonda on what is and what is not appropriate. This is a woman whose name is synonymous with outrage. Look at her treatment of military during the Vietnam War... She posed on an anti-aircraft gun used to shoot down our American pilots. She called our POWs hypocrites and liars and referred to their torture as 'understandable.' Even she had to apologize years later for that gun picture. But not for the rest of it. By the way she says she is not proud of America."

Look, I'm no Fonda fan. She repulses me, especially since I'm the daughter of a Vietnam Veteran. But really, aren't we all out of f*cks to give over this?

I say you work this out once and for all like grown women. Each of you grab your finest leotard for a cardio sweat session. The one who's last to have their fake face fall off wins... absolutely nothing.

Bye bye sanity, self-respect, and hopefully... freedom."

#1 BILL COSBY & HIS FANS

Mr. Roofie is apparently still delusional, because he recently did a comedy show in Philly. The show must go on, right? Despite his upcoming retrial he felt the need to... what? Laughter is good medicine, but laughter is not going to make any of us forget that your are most likely 99.999999999% guilty of drugging and raping women. And to add insult to multiple injuries, this "special event" was held on the same weekend of the women's marches. I'm sure that was intentional.

Perhaps he'd forgotten that he admitted to acquiring Quaaludes with the intention of crafting his signature drink?

Not only should this tampon biter get slapped, but any waste of human space that actually attended this sh*t show should, too. After trolling his Facebook page, The Con has nearly 500,000 fans. And they think he's such a wronged, great, great, talented man. Sure. This cellular failure has been quite charitable and successful. But was that born out of a desire to give, or a desire to deflect from his deviant ways? What color is the sky in your world, you bunch of fools?

Well, since Cosby is a joke I can see the need for a comedy night... But I vote for a Cosby roast instead. With real fire.

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Pervs and A Petulant Pest

11/3/2017

Offenders for the week ending November 3, 2017:

"I want to eat you like this cake. I mean..."

#3 BILL COSBY

Yup, this patriarchal perv pimple just won't go away! Why? The poor (alleged) molester is bankrupt. He's trying to secure a $30 million loan:

"(to) pay for his mounting legal bills as he faces a retrial for sexual assault."

Coz is trying to convince lenders to use his NYC townhouse as collateral. A source had this to say:

"Cosby must be desperate. But the lenders aren't keen to give him the money. They don't think he has enough equity."

And on top of that, the banks are concerned about trying to sell the foreclosed property if he defaults on the high-interest loan. Maybe he can pay back part of the loan in pudding pops...

Here's a thought: Just plead guilty. Because we're all 99.9999999999999 percent sure you are, indeed, guilty. That way, you'll save a ton of money, and we won't have to hear your lies. Win-win.

P.S. Eat a bag of d&cks.

"I'm a bitter hagbag."

#2 KATHY GRIFFIN

She's sorry. She's not sorry. And now, she's angry. How dare she suffer the consequences of her freedom of speech for that beheaded Trump photo! (insert eye roll) Her Hanes Her Way are all in a bunch because she's lost endorsements and her family has gotten death threats. She claims that former lawyer/TMZ founder Harvey Levin has embarked on a campaign to ruin her career and her life. So, she got back at him by giving out his phone number:

"I just want you guys to know Harvey Levin, Harvey Levin a blogger, is very much in bed with everyone from Hollywood to Donald Trump... I don't have a minute to call him. But maybe you do."

First of all, Hollywood and Trump do not seem to be synonymous. Secondly, you know you're messing with a LAWYER?

Then, this set of anal lips takes a shot at Andy Cohen after he said he didn't know her. She claims that after appearing on "Watch What Happens Live", he made her a seedy offer:

"Both times I did the show, right before we went live, (he) privately asked me in an office if I wanted to do blow."

Egads! Andy was also the executive producer of that D-list show of hers. And he was horrible!

"Was my boss for 10 years. Treated me like a dog. Deeply misogynistic."

I'm surprised she was able to use a multi-syllable word... Anywho, you're sounding like a completely bitter granny flap. Waaaaah! Why not channel all that angst into a new project called The F-List. As in F*cked-in-the-head List.

"I don't remember anything..."

#1 KEVIN SPACEY

It appears that Keyser Get-Laid is quite the scumbag. And people in Hollywood have known about it for years. I suppose he was trying to get out from behind the eight ball by apologizing for pedo-predatory behavior that he may not remember engaging in concerning actor Anthony Rapp. The incident happened in the 80s when Rapp was 14 and Spacey was 26. Oh, and he's gay now.

"I honestly do not remember the encounter, it would have been over 30 years ago... but if I did behave then as he describes, I owe him the sincerest apology for what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior, and I am sorry for the feelings he describes having carried with him all these years... this story has encouraged me to address other things about my life... I've had relationships with both men and women... I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose to live as a gay man."

Well, I'm concerned here. You best get to a doctor and get that situational-dementia checked out! You don't remember trying to RAPE a minor!?!? Well, since you're really sorry I guess we'll let this one slide. NOT! And way to try and garner sympathy by trying to say you've been tortured about your sexuality and now you CHOOSE to live as a gay man. Here's some breaking news-- hookin' up with men and women makes you bi-sexual. You're not gay. You're just choosing men now. You are a disgusting affront to the men and women, boys and girls that struggle with their sexual identities and about "coming out."

You're such a filthy, self-centered pork wipe.

PHOTO CREDIT:
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J-E-L-L-NOOOOOOO!

6/30/2017

Offenders for the week ending June 30, 2017:

"Multiple shots will keep the doctor away!"

#3 LINDSAY LOHAN

Lindsay has dreams of being the next Gwyneth Paltrow or Jessica Alba. Yup. So, she's set up her very own lifestyle website: www.preemium.com. Oh, and it's gonna cost ya $2.99 a month for this:

"I will give you access to all my exclusive content and tell you all my secrets and breaking news before anyone else. You will get personal diaries, video updates. exclusive personal photos, fashion and beauty tutorials, shopping guides, behind the scenes content, my favorite products and much more..."

I can only imagine what off-the-wall-bizarro advice she's going to dole out. She's going to make Gwyneth's vag-steaming seem tame. Seriously, what lifestyle advice can she actually offer?

1. How to treat your vag like a 24-hour buffet.
2. How to botox overload and look like a Russian hooker.
3. How to look fierce on the pavement after falling down drunk.

Let's all take a bet now to see how long this lasts. Seems like way too much work for LiLo.

"I sound witty and stuff... to myself."

#2 JOHNNY DEPP

Apparently the Depp-ster was under a rock when the whole Kathy Griffin-behead-President-Trump-Faux-Art-Comedy-Bullsh*t blew up in her face. Cuz, dude made his own 'joke' about assassinating the President at some festival in Britain. Love your originality! (insert sarcasm)

"When was the last time an actor assassinated a president?"

HA HA HA! That sure is a knee-slapper! But, Johnny is sorry. Truly.

"I apologize for the bad joke I attempted (sic) in poor taste about President Trump... It did not come out as intended, and I intended no malice. I was only trying amuse, not to harm anyone."

Obviously, you would never be able to pull off an assassination because you're too under the influence of... something. Why not focus on your financial woes, anger issues and try to figure out how you became a joke?

"My precious legacy is shittier than a puddin' pop..."

#1 BILL COSBY

It appears that America's Most Disgraced Daddy is blind AND insane. His own people said he was going on a "sexual assault tour" to educate the young peoples.

"... 5 to 7 town halls this summer in which he would warn young people about issues related to sexual assault allegations."

The idea of this taint-pimple educating anyone is laughable. There should be a town hall on how to not get roofied by a fossil d*ck. But I digress. Anywho, Cosby said the town halls are a no-go:

"The current propaganda that I am going to conduct a sexual assault tour is false. Any further information about public plans will be given at the appropriate time."

What time is that? 5-past her drugged-ass on the floor?

Such the waffler, Willie. Perhaps your next gig will be at the Waffle House. You could drug the waffles.... not that you're guilty of any shady behavior.

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Fly, Turdies... Fly!

5/19/2017

Offenders for the week ending May 19, 2017:

"Here's what you can do with your cake!"

#3 JETBLUE

I know an airline is not a celebrity, but infamy qualifies-- at least with the slap. You'd think with all the bad publicity that the industry is getting recently, they'd check themselves before they wreck themselves. Apparently not. Imagine this:

"Hey, honey. We're going to Vegas for your 40th birthday!" Yaaaaay! But wait-- Cameron Burke, and his birthday-girl-wife and their family were en route to Vegas for said celebration when the flight attendants had them removed. Over a birthday cake. The flight attendants couldn't agree on where to store it. Here's how it went down:

Here's my thing: this family passed TSA, so what's the problem with the damn cake? Hello? Shame on you! Time to rename you JetLose.

"I'm blind and I have this squish-face syndrome, so I'm innocent..."

#2 BILL COSBY

Not only is he blind, but apparently he's insane. And things are a whole lot "nefarious." Yup. That's his go-to word to describe his "situation". On a previous Celebrity Slap, I shared that the Cosby family was embarking on a media tour to try and gain sympathy ahead of his trial this summer. In a rare interview with the allegedly-rapey-mixologist, Cos claims this whole thing is rooted in racism:

"Nefarious is a great word. And I just truly believe that some of it may very well be that."

Nefarious by definition means: wicked or criminal. Like what you're accused of? And how are these decades-ranging allegations racist? Some of your alleged victims are African-American. You are African-American. And, you've done well for yourself... in a supposed white-washed world.

Yeah, keep reachin', you rank butthole. You and your entire delusional family are a puddin' pop short of a whole box.

"Blah, blah, blah...."

#1 TAYLOR HICKS

ican Idol is back! And Katy Perry has been named as one of the judges. And supposedly, Idol alum Chris Daughtry. Cool! Unless you're the Taylor-who-wishes-he-were-Swift.
Even though they're buds, Hickster doesn't think D should be a judge:

"I think a winner should be (a judge), personally, because what you go through to win the show is a lot different than what you go through when you're third or fourth, you know, or fight. Or tenth."

Okay. Sounds valid. Or it sounds like sour grapes 'cuz no one's called YOU to judge. Right?

"I'm not confirming or denying it."

Which means, your phone ain't ringing. Well, Soul Patrol knows best. So, let's compare the two:

Taylor:
Winner of American Idol, Season 5
Vegas residency 2012
Number of hit songs:.................
Net worth: $3.5 million
Chris:
#4 finisher American Idol, Season 5
Acted in multiple TV shows
Number of hit songs: 4 #1s, 10 Top 10s
Net worth: $8.5 million

Take your beloved harmonica and stick it in your booty crack. Maybe you'll get fame for playing it that way.

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The B.B.C.

4/21/2017

Offenders for the week ending April 21, 2017:

The B.B.C., as in "a network of ninnies." Yes, I went 19th century on ya!

"I'm not crazy, y'all!"

#3 BRITNEY SPEARS

Said in a fairytale, dreamy voice with rainbows and unicorns: "Maybe the third time's the charm"...

NOOOO! It won't be! Brit Brit wants to get married again. NOOOOOOOOOOO! She's planning a top-secret proposal to her backup dancer, Sam Asghari (I guess it's not so top-secret anymore.) Anywho, she plans on proposing AND tying the knot before her residency ends in Vegas this year. Remember the last time you got married in Vegas? Yeah... not so good. An insider had this to say about the pending cluster f*ck:

"Since Sam would be spending her money, Britney is buying her own engagement ring... the wedding will be butterfly-themed and monarchs will be released when they exchange vows."

This is such deja vu with singers and dancers (JLo, Mariah). Plus, you've already done this dance (sorry for the pun) before. Kevin Federline? The dancer? The father of your children? The DIVORCE? Dude needs his OWN money-- not an allowance. You may be older than him, but you ain't his mommy. I do get the butterfly theme-- it's him flitting off with your bank!

Haven't we learned from the grand dame Elizabeth Taylor that sometimes one should throw in the towel on the whole marriage thing? Yes?

He sniffs pie, so why not cake?

#2 BILL COSBY

What's that smell? Desperation. This delusional dipsh*t is on a PR blitz with the goal of swaying public opinion before his sexual assault trial begins in June. He's recruited TV wife Phylicia Rashad, singer Melba Moore, his situationally-blind wife Camile, and his daughter Erika to speak goodness on his behalf.

Erika will speak of his "kind-hearted nature" and "overwhelming giving of himself."

Oh, he gave of himself (allegedly) many, many times. Then, Cos-scum will do his own TV sit-down interview. Nice strategy. Get your stuff out to the masses so it might be really hard to find a jury pool that hasn't heard much about your rape-y (allegedly) ways.

Good luck with that. You're just a turd swirling the bowl until the justice system flushes you down. Where you belong.

"I'm turrible..."

#1 CHARLES BARKLEY

I thought Sir Dick was an NBA commentator. You know, commenting on the game of basketball. Yes, you want a tougher NBA-- but no one is down with insensitivity. Like what you spewed about Celtics guard Isaiah Thomas. Dude was spotted crying on the bench during shoot-around-- BECAUSE HIS SISTER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT THE DAY BEFORE. Charles chimed in with this:

"I'm not comfortable with him sitting on the sideline crying like that. That makes me uncomfortable because that tells me he's not in shape to play... that makes me uncomfortable for him. That's just not a good look, in my personal opinion."

First of all, I didn't know you were a mental health counselor. Awesome! Second of all, you'd know nothing about what 'looks good'. Third-- if dude would've stayed home, you probably would've called him a crybaby p*ssy. Cuz you're known for sensitivity.

And even more insulting-- 15 minutes before you put your stanky foot in your mouth, you regaled the audience about how basketball is an escape from tragedy-- including your bro's death in 2009.

Stick to talking about the actual game. Leave the philosophizing to those with actual brains. Time to change your nickname from The Round Mound of Sound to The Round Mound of Ass-Clown.

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Tools & Fools...

7/17/2015

Offenders for the week of July 13, 2015:

This week our Slapees are served a sandwich befitting their behavior...

"Don't run from me!"

#3 JARED FOGLE
OFFENSE: Meany
Now that the FBI raided his home as part of a child porn investigation involving the president of his charity, things are coming out about Jared's so-called "dark past".

He used to love strip clubs. Egads! So long as he's not the one strippin'...

He ran a porn video shop from his dorm room. Okay, that's entrepreneurial.

What bothers me is the proof that you're not nice. Your ex-wife had to get a restraining order during the messy divorce because of your anger, and your controlling, creepy behavior. While divorce can bring out the worst in people, y'all need to check yo self.

Your sandwich: A Veal Parmesan Sub-- because you may like 'em young and tender.

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing!"

#2 KIRSTIE ALLEY
OFFENSE: Scammer
That's scam, not Spam... which she appears to be familiar with... but I digress. Our favorite (?) yo-yo dieter (or is that just "yo-yo") is in trouble. She sold her Organic Liaison diet company to Jenny Craig last year, but decisions she and her peeps made when they were owners have landed them in a messy lawsuit. They're named defendants because of a six-figure payment they received as part of an alleged Ponzi scheme.

I''m more offended that her own diet company hasn't helped her at all! And secondly, who would trust a Scientologist in any business dealing?!?!? It's like agreeing to a time share while on vacation-- total scam artists! But I digress, again.

Way to go, Violet Beauregarde... Keep chewin' that stick of Dumbass Gum and see where it lands you...

Your sandwich: The KFC Double Down-- an equally fat, bloated sandwich for your equally fat, bloated lies.

"Ha, ha, I'm a complete asshole!"

#1 CAMILLE COSBY
OFFENSE: Fool
Though she's legally known since 2005 that her hypocritical ball-pimple of a spouse bought drugs to slip to women and rape them, she still refuses to believe it's true. Her claim? These women consented to being drugged and raped. Sure.

Camille has been aware and tolerant of Con-by's cheating. In fact, she says her open mind has caused no friction in their relationship. Well, duh! When you give carte blanche to your husband to let his weiner wander, of course things will go smoothly!

While you deem it noble to stand by your man, you need a wake-up call. Your marriage and your husband are both shams. Hope you've enjoyed that cozy bed of deceit you've been lying in.

Your sandwich: The Bare-Bottom Burger-- because you're gonna be embarr-ass-ed when you wake up and realize the truth about your POS spouse.

PHOTO CREDIT:
Jared Fogle https://www.flickr.com/photos/thenickster/
Kirstie Alley https://www.flickr.com/photos/nayrb7/
Bill Cosby https://www.flickr.com/photos/wacphiladelphia/

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