Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

A Boy With No Name

10/7/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending October 7th, 2022:

#3-#1 KYLIE JENNER

I mean why not just slap a Jenner? Especially when you can't name your kid. When Kylie and Travis Scott welcomed their bouncing baby boy into the world, they initially named him "Wolf". But then they changed their mind. Even though the two had 9 months to decide on a name, they didn't. And when the hospital pressured them for a name, they spat out "Wolf". Why? Kylie said:

"I liked the WW,” (Scott's real last name is Webster). Right after I signed the birth certificate I was like, ‘What did I just do?’”

They haven't legally changed his name yet because they can't decide. They're waiting for the child to "name himself." Which is supposed to be a joke, but I'm thinking it's actually not because look at his parents. Please. Stick with Wolf. It's a badass name. If your child starts calling himself Shithead, is that going to be his name? You could always change the pronunciation to Shuh-thee-d.

Bullseye

7/22/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending July 22nd, 2022:

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#3 KYLIE JENNER

The privileged folk continue to trigger the poor folk 24/7. Kyle is being labeled a "climate criminal" for a social media post with Travis Scott involving his & hers private jets. So, she tried to make it all better by posting a picture of herself pushing her daughter and nieces in a shopping cart at Target. Well, that just made things worse. Some commented:

"Did u rent out Target for this”
“playing normal life simulator”
“trying to appeal to us peasants”
“out of touch"

Yes, she's out of touch. But I'm slapping Kylie not because of her wealth, but because she tried to downplay it. Girl, you have "eff you" money. Don't pretend like you're one of us going to Target. BUY the damn Target!.

And remember to bow down to Kim's golden jay jay every night, or you'd probably be working at Target.

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#2 MEGHAN KING, former reality TV star and current, perpetual idiot

This bish gives dingbats a bad name. At least dingbats are mostly lovable. This one is just... extra dumb. You may not recall, but she married Prez Biden's nephew, Cuffe Biden Owens for, like, two seconds last year after they dated for four seconds. During a recent podcast interview, Mizz Dingbat said it wasn't her idea to get married in the first place, and that she was confused:

“I was very confused by the whole [relationship], but I’m just glad that it was short and sweet and it’s done and it’s annulled.”

She said marriage was important to Cuffe, and that she wants everyone to be happy, so... she said "I do."

The f&ck?

This was her second marriage. And now she's dating again. Please, don't tie the knot again. Unless that knot is connected to a cinder block that will sink to the bottom of the ocean.

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#1 CHRIS BROWN

No, Chris didn't make the list because he smacked somebody around (for once.) He's made the list because not only is he a beater, he's a cheater, too-- as in rip-off artist. LeJuan Bailey is accusing the singer of taking a $1.1-million performance fee for a hurricane benefit concert that he never showed up to perform. He claims that Chris accepted the wire transfer, then peaced-out at the last minute. He said:

“I acted in good faith and sponsored this concert out of love and respect for residents in need. I am appalled that Chris Brown refuses to refund my money for a show he did not appear to after we announced our show and sold tickets. At this point, it is my humble belief that Chris Brown’s actions are parallel to pure theft. He has the unmitigated gall to take my money, stand up the residents of Houston, then return to the city to perform on August 17, 2022.”

Straight up!

Not surprising, honestly.

P.S. Shame on you, LeJuan, for even wanting to pay this guy money to perform at your event. He's a known POS. And you giving him a stage gives him more false hope that he's not a mega turdball. So, mini-slap for you.

B-I-L-L NO!

3/26/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 MAMA JUNE

Trash is in the genes. Seems that way with this one. She rose to reality TV fame while pimping-out her daughter, Honey Boo Boo on the child pageant circuit. Then, came a string of reality shows for the matriarch. From extreme weight loss, to severed relationships with some of your daughters (for dating the man that raped one of them), to drug charges and living in your car (you had a beautiful home with all that reality money.) And now, yet another TV show "Mama June: Road to Redemption." In which she dishes about living in her car with her deadbeat, druggy BF:

"We were staying in Jackson, Georgia. We weren't using because we didn't have any money."

Thank goodness. Because who's taking care of Honey Boo Boo? She's only 15. Hopefully, you're woke now. And not in a political way-- but in a real life way. You had $750,000 that you put up your nose. Shame on you. Kick the trash to the curb and kick it out of your soul, woman!

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#2 KYLIE JENNER

Raise your hand if you're tired of entitled brats who lack awareness? Yup. The billionaire took some major heat for promoting a celebrity makeup artist's GoFundMe. She told her sheep to donate to Samuel Rauda's fundraiser after he was involved in a serious accident that required surgery. She did pitch-in $5,000 towards the $120,000 goal. But... you've worked with this dude before. You've spent a minimum of $100,000 grand on your baby's birthday party. You could've easily covered this person's expenses. But no. Just ask the zombies to spend money they don't have because they have bigger hearts than your fake lips.

She was called out on the socials:

"If I was as rich as Kylie Jenner I simply wouldn't ask ppl on the internet to donate for my best friend's brain surgery but we all built different I guess."

"How come Kylie Jenner isn't paying her makeup artist enough to afford a $60,000 surgery?"

Guess you don't get rich by spending money. Unless it's for something you can socialbrag about.

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#1 BILL COSBY

This. Mother. F&cker. He thinks he's getting out of prison soon. In fact, the 83-year-old rapist expects to be free to drop pills in drinks as early as next month. So confident this one is, he's refused to participate in sexual predator counseling sessions:

"Just a few days ago they came to him and asked if he would go to those counseling courses for being a sexual violent predator and he said 'No. I am not guilty of this and I am not going to any courses. By attending those courses, I am admitting guilt.'"

Sixty (60) women came forward, accusing you of drugging and raping them over the past 40 years. But they're all lying, right? It was all consensual, right?

That's right. They couldn't say "no" because they were drugged. Just because you don't believe what you did was wrong doesn't mean it wasn't. You're just a scumbag, like other scumbags, except you're scummier because you've got money to pay people off and stroke your... ego.

I hope you die behind bars with a pudding pop in your pipe.

Can't Touch This

3/12/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 12, 2021:

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#3 KEVIN CONNOLLY

Apparently, he's still living the Entourage life in his mind, because rules don't apply to him! He was caught on camera throwing a tantrum when his widdle Tesla got towed outside a flower shop in L.A. The thing is, he's lucky his car didn't get towed previously, because he's a chronic asshat.

The manager of said flower shop said he keeps parking his car in their parking lot while he's in the next building recording his podcasts. After leaving multiple notes on his car, the shop had enough. The douchehole went into the shop after his car was towed to rant, and now he's permanently banned.

Look, fool. They asked nicely. You didn't comply because they're just simpletons and you're an important person, right? Entitled POS.

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#2 JANICE DICKINSON

She's always been outspoken, but I think she's just old and grouchy now. Because old people get grouchy. She calls herself the world's first supermodel, so someone asked her about today's supermodels-- like the Hadid sisters and the Jenner sisters. Well, the Crypt Keeper had some feelings:

"No. They're not. They have one look. They don't really diversify their movements. They just stand there and get paid millions of dollars"

That's what models do... ?

"The models of the 70s, 80s do not compare to the models of today, the Instagram models that get famous and they put into Vogue-- the Kylie Jenners and the Gigi Hadids, and the Bella Hadids."

Meow! Maybe you should mentor these subpar models since you're the O.G. After you get your 100th surgery to try to make us think you're not 95.

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#1 NICOLAS CAGE

Just stop it. Stop. Getting. Married. Are you trying to one-up Elizabeth Taylor's eight marriages? I get the "I love you forever" and "this time it'll be different" and "we're soulmates". No. You're assholemates. That's what you are. Anyone that knows who you are knows your track record. Methinks your newest wife had to Google who the eff you are because she's 26 and you're 57. Hello, Daddy-Husband! But the two got married on February 16 in Vegas for good reason:

"The date was chosen to honor the birthday of the groom's late father."

One of his ex-wives attended the intimate ceremony. Touching. I really think the problem here is that Nic has Yellow Fever. While I applaud his love of my fellow yellow, three (3) of his ex-wives have been Asian. Move on to another country after this one flames out...

P.S. If she ever saw Face/Off, she'd probably turn down the proposal...

Catfished

6/19/2020

Offenders for the week ending June 19, 2020:

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#3 KYLIE JENNER

Who cares how you spend your money? We wouldn't care, unless you go public and bitch and moan about your piles of money not being piled high enough. Kylie lost her Youngest Billionaire status (or some title like that) from Forbes magazine when "the receipts" showed that she was only worth $900 million. She was so bummed.

If you want to keep such status, perhaps you shouldn't purchase your own private jet. Your own private pink jet and name it Kylie Air. Because private jets are really expensive to maintain. Suck it up and fly first class like lesser celebs.

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#2 DINA LOHAN

We see where Lindsay inherited her dumbness. From you. Dina is engaged again to Jesse Nadler-- you know, her online boyfriend. The toxic twins have been on-again, off-again, and now betrothed. That is, after they both sobered up in April and decided it was true love?

Oh, we forgot to mention that Dina still has never seen Jesse in person. Ever.

Catfish anyone?

Thank goodness you can't reproduce anymore..

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#1 MAMA JUNE

This is why we don't make "stars" out of rednecks. Real rednecky rednecks. Because they can't help but be true to their redneck tendencies, no matter how many fab opportunities are placed at their feet! Mama June has suckled off the teet of three reality shows and made a disgusting amount of cash- which she has not spent wisely.

She admitted to one of her daughters in a recent episode of her reality show that she spends $2,500 per day on her drug habit.

That's $17,500 a week; $70,000 a month; $840,000 a year.

WTF!?!?! Many people don't even make $70,000 a year, yet alone have $70,000 to blow (pun intended). This is why we don't make tw%t skanks famous.

Remember. This is the same ho rag that dated a known pedophile and kept dating him even after he molested one of her daughters.

Daddy Gyno

11/8/2019

Offenders for the week ending November 8, 2019:

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#3 KYLIE JENNER & DRAKE

Love can be complicated. And messy. But when you have a connection with someone... Kylie thinks she and Drake are an item. A source said:

"Kylie and Drake's friendship did take a romantic turn recently. At his Halloween party, they were affectionate and clearly there together... He also showed up to Kendall's birthday."

A source close to Drake, though, said the two aren't an item. Perhaps just a rebound for Drake? Kylie, don't be that chick. And Drake, are you slump-busting after losing JLo?

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#2 EMMA WATSON

I'm getting weary of people creating phrases for things and situations that already exist just to soften the blow of life or to protect one's precious, fragile psyche. I'm talking to you, Emma. She's single. And she's loving it. Wait. I didn't mean to use the word "single".

"I never believed the whole 'I'm happy single' spiel. I was like, 'This is totally spiel.' It took me a long time, but I'm very happy... I call it being self-partnered."

Sigh. Whatevs. It's still being SINGLE. Well, don't self-partner too long of you'll go blind...

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#1 RAPPER T.I.

The rapper is beyond wanting dudes to "wrap it up" for safe sex. He's all about the I'm-taking-you-to-the-gyno method. He's catching a lot of heat on social media for revealing that he takes his daughter to the gyno every year after her birthday. He's been doing this since she turned 16. She's now 18. Hey-- he just wants to make sure the hy-hy is intact. Which he thinks ensures her virginity....

"Right after her birthday, we celebrate, then usually like the day after the party, she's enjoying the gifts, I put a sticky note on the door: 'Tomorrow. 9:30.'"

I. Can't. Even. Look, the thought of your little girl doing the deed and perhaps getting preggo or some disease is worrisome. What isn't cool, is taking your child to the doctor to be humiliated and most likely embarrassed about all things "southern hemisphere." Fortunately, she's 18. So technically, she doesn't need to tell you boo about her hoo hoo. Anyways, what were to happen if she "failed" the exam? You'd kick her out of the house? Cut her out of your will? Way to give someone a stigma...

We need to foster healthy convo about sex. Not this Handmaid's Tale let's-all-look-at-your-crotch b.s. What's the plan for the wedding? The good ol' Old World Tradition of showing everyone the bed sheet after she consummates her union?

I'm thinking T.I. stands for "Total Idiot".

I Wanna Be a Billionaire

9/13/2019

Offenders for the week ending September 13th, 2019:

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#3 KYLIE JENNER

This is a preemptive slap, as in: don't eff things up so I have to slap you for legit reasons. Kylie was recently bestowed the honor of being the youngest self-made billionaire. Granted, all the Kardashians and Jenners owe Momma Kris for shopping Kim's buck-naked film for lots of cash and too much reality TV time. But I digress. Her family lovingly teases Kylie for being so damned rich:

"When we're in a group chat talking about where we should go for a trip, they're like, 'Kylie? You going to pay for it?'"

HA HA HA! Oh, the ribbing wealthy folk must endure!

We're excited when we can pay off our Carnival cruise beforehand. Just make sure your money is well-invested so you don't end up like MC Hammer or Lindsay Lohan.

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#2 LORI LOUGHLIN

In a "DUH!" moment, Aunt Becky admitted that she should've taken a plea deal like Felicity Huffman did in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. Sources say she didn't realized the seriousness of the situation. Seriously?

"Lori was inclined to take the deal, but Mossimo said it would ruin both of their careers."

Uhmmm....
1. Damage done.
2. Jail time is better than a plea deal?
3. I thought you thought you were innocent...

Well, they are innocent. In their world. They believe they're being targeted for their wealth. Your wealth-- and throwing it around-- is what got you into this mess to begin with so, eff off.

Maybe Mossimo can design some fetch accessories for your orange jumpsuit.

#1 CHARLIE SHEEN

Oh, Charlie. You've been scary and entertaining throughout the years. From #Winning, to Tiger's Blood, to Heidi Fleiss-- the ride that is Charlie has been interesting. But one thing that's not forgivable-- not living up to your responsibilities. Ex-wife Denise Richards has taken Chuck to court, claiming he owes $450,000 in back child support.

"Charlie has squandered over $24,000,000 from the sale in his interest in Two and a Half Men to pay his personal debts and to support his extravagant lifestyle at the expense of support payments for his children."

The hot mess is also accused of diverting more than half-a-million dollars to family members (apparently, other than his children) to hide it. Charlie responded via social media:

"D and her legal posse traffic only in fiction. My day in court is painfully overdue. She is behaving like a coward and the truth will prevail."

So eloquent. So bullsh*tty.

Not sorry you have two children with Denise and two with your other ex-wife-- in that case you claim you can't get work. Why? Because of your own damned self. You can keep doing the wrong things when it comes to yourself, but you need to do the right thing when it comes to your kids.

Who's the real coward?

#NotWinningDadofTheYear

Who's Your Mac-n-Cheese Daddy?

2/28/2019

Offenders for the week ending March 1, 2019:

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#3 ROBERT KRAFT

The owner of the New (nude) England Patriots has entered (LOL) a not guilty plea to soliciting prostitution after back-to-back visits to Orchids of Asia "spa" in Jupiter, Florida. Robert, why? was your heart broken by the death of your wife and the gold-digging ways of your 39-year-old former girlfriend? Did you feel that visiting a "pro" would be drama free?

You have a gajillion dollars. You could've bought some classy, drama free, primo kitty time. Or in this case, a hands-on experience and skin flute action. You had to have known you would've been caught. The name of the spa alone puts the illegal activity on blast. Any Asian "spa" that offers table showers, massages, and body treatments will "arouse" suspicion, so to speak.

But maybe we have it all wrong. Here are two thoughts:

1. You caught Yellow Fever. There is no cure. You just need more yellow attention.
2. You are a known philanthropist. Perhaps you've become a "feel-anthropist."

Whatever the case, let's cue your theme song: "I Did it For the Nookie".

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#2 TRISTAN THOMPSON

They teach you ball control on the court, how about trying it in your pants? After getting caught cheating while your girlfriend Khloe Kardashian was preggo with your daughter, you'd think you'd think with that stuff between your ears. Apparently, that thing between your legs is the dominant force in this saga.

This lowdown, dirty butt pimple was caught with his hand in Jordyn Woods' cookie jar. Oh, Jordyn-with-a-Y is Kylie Jenner's BFF. Kylie, of course, is Khloe's sis. Ewwwwww!

The two were "making out" at someone's house party. And they may have rolled around while Jordyn was roommates with Kylie. Tristan, Tristan, Tristan. There are millions of women in the world. Why must you dip so close to home? Are you earning "frequent Kardashian rider points"? Is this some kind of six-degrees-of-Kardashian sex game?

One day, your weener is going to rebel...

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#1 JORDYN WOODS

Congratulations! You've won the Slutbag Skank Award. Why are you tops this week and Tristan isn't? Because you could've said "no" to inviting a spoken-for man's Oscar Mayer into your den of doom. Sources say:

"This is out of character for Jordyn and no one expected this to happen."

Sure. Like the old saying goes: "It takes two two tango". If half of the equation is unavailable, then the dancing can't happen. Perhaps you've taken up "snake charming" as a vocation? And Tristan's was available for practice? Way to ruin your BFF relationship, your friendship with Khloe, and now you're labeled a tramp. Maybe you want to become Kim K famous. Don't hold your breath.

Quit treating your crotch like it's a Golden Corral.

Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout, Willis?

7/20/2018

Offenders for the week ending July 20, 2018

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#3 THE FAT JEWISH

There are some days that I feel deeply in my soul that Kris Jenner is the anti-Christ. Seriously. We're inundated with all-things-Kardashian (and Jenner) because brokered the deal for Kim's "vaginal invader video." So let's not help this family gain more notoriety! That means you-- The Fat Jewish!

Mr. Funnypants has set up a GoFundMe for Kylie Jenner so that she can become the world's youngest self-made billionaire. Right now, Kylie is only worth $900 million. Boo-effing-hoo! He's trying to raise the $100 million to put her over the top.

"I don't want to live in a world where Kylie Jenner doesn't have a billion dollars."

Even though you're doing this in jest... don't. For the love of all things sacred, stop stirring the pot! The sheeple will make it happen!

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#2 THOMAS MARKLE

At first, I had compassion for this man. Now, I fully realize he's just an opportunistic penis wad. Yes, your daughter Meghan married Prince Harry. Yes, you missed her wedding. Yes, you haven't been a part of her life for a long while. Yes, you need to go away. This dude has a serious case of the verbal runs. In an exclusive interview with The Sun, daddy believes the pressures of being a royal is already taking its toll on his little girl:

"I see it in her eyes, I see it in her face and I see it in her smile. I've seen her smile for years. I know her smile. I don't like the one I'm seeing now."

He doesn't like the archaic rules and protocol of royalty and thinks Meghan is being suffocated:

"Why in 2018 are we dressing like the 1930s? Why do they have to cover their knees?

True. I don't think a knee has inspired a stiffy, but-- the royals don't want sexualized at all.

And guess what? He's a bit miffed that he can't profit off his daughter, while others can sell items with her likeness on it. Sigh.

"The reason I am being shunned is because I made a profit on the staged pictures."

Zip yo lip, Pops! And to you "journalists" out there-- stop paying this mother fungus to spew!

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#1 BRUCE WILLIS

The debate has raged on for years-- is "Die Hard" a Christmas film. Bruce says:

NO!

How dare ye speak such filth? Bruce gave his opinion after his Comedy Central roast, so perhaps he was bent a bit. Because he's clearly lost his mind. Even the screenwriter says the film can be considered a Christmas movie.

Here's my argument:

1. The movie centers around John flying to Cali to spend time with his corporate wife for CHRISTMAS. He meets her at the office at the company CHRISTMAS party.

2. We hear Run-D.M.C.'s "Christmas in Hollis" in the movie.

3. Uh, remember that classic scene where McClane takes out a baddy and writes "Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho" on the baddy's sweatshirt?

4. We hear all kinds of sleigh bells!

Eat it, Willis.

Tattoo Boo!

3/23/2018

Offenders for the week ending March 23, 2018:

"I'm a ho pirate."

#3 KYLIE JENNER

Why we make these tw*t biscuits celebrities, I'll never understand. But they're great fodder for us. Kylie's taking the heat for giving her newest Kylie Cosmetic blushes salacious names-- because she has a lot of teenage fans. Some of those names include: X Rated, Virginity, and Barely Legal. Social media lit up like the Fourth of July with fury:

"Kylie Jenner decided to name her cheap blushes with even cheaper names. Seems they're named after her life, underage-dating a 20-something dad. Bravo @krisjenner."

Well, when you don't live in reality while the rest of us do-- you don't think of consequences. Frankly, there's no thinking at all.

Here are some blush color names you might want to consider for your next autobiographical blush batch:

Angry Beaver
DNA Dumpster
Schlong Serenade

Or my favorite: STFU Forever F&ck Face.

"Don't mind while I violate you..."

#2 KATY PERRY

Katy's taking the heat for smooching 19-year-old Benjamin Glaze against his will during his recent American Idol audition. He confessed to the panel of judges that he had never kissed a gal because:

"I wanted to save it for my first relationship, I wanted it to be special."

Awwww! But now he's been violated. See, Katy sprung up and offered her cheek (so glad it wasn't her ass cheek) for him to peck. Dissatisfied that Benjamin didn't make the "smush" sound when he kissed her cheek, he tried again. That's when she pulled the ol' switcherooski and he ended up kissing her on the lips.

Gag!

That mouth has been on dirty-butt Russell Brand, known manwhore John Mayer, and many, many more questionable meat platters!

Even though he didn't make it to Hollywood, the kid has class. He says he doesn't feel sexually harassed, and says the kiss doesn't count because it was just physical contact with no emotion behind it. Which is probably how Katy's justified all her dong diving.

"I really am a toolbag!"

#1 BEN AFFLECK

Dude. How many midlife "crises" can you have!?!?! And if you're gonna have two jillion crises, own 'em all! Back in 2016, Benster was spotted with a massive back tattoo-- like, a full-back tattoo. He claimed it was for a movie role.

Well guess, what. NOT! He was recently spotted, sans shirt, with the full-color phoenix rising artwork on his back. And it wasn't pretty for many reasons. Justifiably, the internets went all bat-shit over B-Aff's gaffe. Twitter user Crystal Methanny had this gem:

"Next time you're feeling sad, remember that you're not Ben Affleck so you (probably) don't have a tattoo so big and so ugly and so universally ridiculed that you had to lie and say it was only temporary and just for a movie when it is so clearly not."

Ben's maybe-ex-wife Jennifer Garner is a little disturbed by the supposed meaning behind the tacky tat:

"A phoenix rising from the ashes. Am I the ashes in this scenario? I take umbrage. I refuse to be the ashes."

She should get a phoenix rising tat, too. Except she's definitely rising from the ashes of that asshat.

P.S. Looks like a color wheel threw up on you.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

<<Previous

A Boy With No Name

Bullseye

B-I-L-L NO!

Can't Touch This

Catfished

Daddy Gyno

I Wanna Be a Billionaire

Who's Your Mac-n-Cheese Daddy?

Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout, Willis?

Tattoo Boo!

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