OFFENSE: Stinky pants
The Brit has something in common with weatherman Al Roker-- both have publicly admitted to poopin' their pants. By all means, that's something you should confess to us. Vurp. His admission (not emission) was not entirely his fault. The interviewer asked if Ed ever passed gas on stage (because that's information we all need to know!) He replied:
"All the time!" Then...
"I actually misjudged a fart one time, which ended up being a shart... I was like, 'All right I'm just going to stand for the rest of the performance, and hope it's over soon, and then go home and throw these trousers out!'"
And if that weren't enough, Ladies, this will really get your juices flowin'-- he's gone three days without changing his underwear. He blamed that on his late teenage years. Sure...
Your next song should be: "Shart at the Devil"
OFFENSE: Idiot supreme
The financial hits keep-a-comin' for our favorite half-dollar. Not only has he filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, but now he's been slapped with two large judgments against him. He has to pay a total of $7 million to a woman for posting a 13-minute sex tape of her with her boyfriend. It was an attempt for 50 to taunt his rival, rapper Rick Ross-- with whom the victim has a child with.
Lame. That's the best way you could get back at Ross-ter? Why not taunt him with your latest hit... oh, yeah-- no hits for you-- except for the financial kind.
Your next endorsement should be: Dumbsani Water
OFFENSE: Shady M.F.
This Toolbag Texan is doing a bang-up job as head of the U (notice the sarcasm.) Yeah... sending police to escort the entire staff of E.J. Thomas Hall out of the building like they're common criminals-- classy. Trying to get around a tuition hike cap by tagging on a $50 per credit hour rip for upperclassmen-- nasty. Golfing while the ax is swung by your lackees- trashy (and ball-less, Mr. Sackscab).
Oh--and that was a great move cutting the entire baseball program. Are you still going to honor any player's scholarships? Of course not.
Good luck with that $60 million dollar deficit.
I hope Zippy finds you and shoves that $400-thousand dollar a year salary in your pouch!
Your next job should be: Chief Chemist for Scarborough's Eve douches
Ed Sheeran https://www.flickr.com/photos/evarinaldiphotography/
50 Cent https://www.flickr.com/photos/tigerdirect/
Pile of Poo https://www.flickr.com/photos/andrewcurrie/