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Shady Lady(?)

5/25/2018

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Offenders for the week ending May 25, 2018:

There were so many toolbags this week, that I had to pick an honorable mention. Congrats KEVIN FEDERLINE. Britney Spears' second ex-husband and father of her two children won't let go of his petition for more child support. Now he wants what amounts to $2,000 a day. Because it's not fair when the children visit, they're forced to be all crammed into his little postage stamp-sized home. Oh, and he has no job-- except for DJ-ing in clubs. (Then get another job!) 

​On to our Top 3 Offenders...


via GIPHY

​#3 KENDRICK LAMAR
Methinks this was a setup. At a recent show, Ken-dick invited a white gal up on stage to sing his song M.A.D.D. City with him. A few lines into it, he stopped the show to chastise her for singing all the lyrics-- which include the "n" word. I thought there'd be cries of "cultural appropriation", but no. Instead, overwhelming support of his victim. His fans are p*ssed off at HIM.

"The biggest setup ever... SMH... He knew what he was doing. Ruined her life all over social media. She's gonna have to live with the video of people being mad forever."

Love it. You're such a fanny wipe. That gal was a fan of yours. Imagine being called on stage to perform with your favorite artist? Then to have it ruined by your douchebaggery! She didn't see your color, but you saw hers. Hypocrite. 

via GIPHY

#2 R. KELLY
This f&ck licker has a very high opinion of himself and his place in musical history. They way he talks, you'd think he was Michael Jackson or Prince. And, he's above the law. Captured on video, R rants about his music being banned on streaming services in light of a litany of  sexual allegations against him. FYI: he believes those women should've told authorities years ago because he's "untouchable":
You're so right. You're a musical icon. So go on raping underage girls, keeping women enslaved in your various homes, and believing your jacked-up fairy tale. 

You're such a disgrace to the human race.

via GIPHY

I loathe a lot of things. A backhanded-ho is on example. Right after the Royal Wedding and pre-American Idol finale, Katy and her fellow judges were interviewed about all kinds of stuff. When asked about Meghan Markle and the wedding, Katy wasn't as classy as the new Duchess of Sussex. She started out with sweet sentiment:

"I'm so happy for them... it's amazing what she's doing with all this, her humanitarian efforts... you know, the fact that she's a proud feminist, I love all that. I support her as another woman and love her and wish them both well."

Then she threw the shade. Take a listen:
Bitch, please. You "love and support" Meghan, but you couldn't resist taking a stab at her style. As I recall, you're the classy dame that shot whipped cream from her bra...

I'm surprised you were even able to speak with John's (Oscar) Mayer in your caboose, Orlando's Bloom in your womb, and Ryan Seacrest sniffing for a safe landing on the Haty Highway.

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Goop-y, Messy & Sloppy...

7/21/2017

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Offenders for the week ending July 21, 2017:
Picture
Says it all...
#3 GWYNETH PALTROW
​Dr. Twatski's at it again! How did we survive all these centuries without you? Her latest medical marvel-- stickers that promote healing. And if you make them with just the right materials and stick them on your body in the right places-- MAGICAL HEALING! Dr. T had this to say: 

"Human bodies operate at an ideal energetic frequency, but everyday stresses and anxiety can throw off our internal balance, depleting our energy reserves and weakening our immune systems. Body Vibe stickers come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances."

Oh, and for just $60 you'll get a 10-pack of supernatural bullsh*t thingies! Can't I just use a cool scratch-n-sniff sticker like I had as a kid and call it a day? 

How 'bout this? I'm gonna stick some duct tape on your mouth. That sticker will heal the rest of us.

Picture
What a charmer...
#2 R. KELLY
Dude... We know your history of freek-a-leekness, but this. THIS is just beyond... This is slavery. Sex. Slavery. Multiple reports are surfacing that the AARP Lothario has been keeping a number of women (some very young) in homes in Chicago and Atlanta as members of a "sex-obsessed, abusive cult." Former members of his inner circle and parents of the women are standing strong with their claims that:

"he tells them what and when to eat, how to dress, how to cut their hair, when they sleep... you have to ask for food. You have to ask to go use the bathroom. He's a master at mind control. He is a puppet master."

This gives a whole new spin to a few of your songs: "It Seems Like You're Ready" & "Feelin' Yo Booty"... disgusting.

Of course, R's crew is vehemently denying the accusations. Cuz he's such an innocent... Just like poor Bill Cosby. By the way, you're not Hefner. You're more like Rapener.

I think you need to get back into that infamous closet. In fact-- make it your coffin. 

Picture
"I walk erratically, too!"
​#1 AARON CARTER
Oh, the irony! Remember how he mocked Shia LaBeouf for another DUI arrest by saying:

                                            "You won't catch me getting any DUIs."

Guess what? BUSTED! Yup. A motorcyclist called 9-1-1 to report an erratic driver. Aaron admits he was driving erratically, because his alignment was out. And so that's why he was driving poorly and... he was profiled by police. Since Aaron is a white man with tattoos driving a white SUV, well-- automatic criminal! Plus, the cops knew he was a famous person.

BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA! Who the f*ck could actually recognize Aaron Carter!?!? I saw his mugshot and thought he was Vanilla Ice. NOT a compliment! And for the record. Aaron wasn't drunk and he doesn't do drugs.

"I take Xanax, Propranolol for high blood pressure medication, and I took oxycodones for my (jaw injury)."

Oh, and he did weed nine hours before his arrest. 

You could've had a great career. But instead, you're washed-up at 29 and look like a trailer-park-Justin-Bieber impersonator. 

"He who lives in a glass crack house should not cast a stone..."

​PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com
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    I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)

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