Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Money Time

9/30/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending September 30th, 2022:

Two offenders this week. Two's enough in this case.

#2 JIM EDMONDS

The former St. Louis Cardinals outfielder and current broadcaster (?) has had quite the life. In 2020 he divorced his third wife, reality TV "star" Meghan King. Why? Because she felt betrayed that he developed feelings for their threesome partner.

Yes. Threesome partner, Kortnie O'Connor. Oh, he just married Kortnie.

This would make marriage #4. (Touch my) Jimmy thinks this one's "the one":

“... for the first time in my life, I finally understand true happiness.”

Did you mean "humpy-ness"?

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#1 R. KELLY

Pay up, sucka! A judge in Brooklyn has ordered this pustule to pay two of his victims over $300,000 in restitution. The money will be used towards psychological services and treatment of herpes. He already owes at least $450,000 in restitution from his previous trial where he was sentenced to 30 years in prison.

It feels like he should owe way more money. And there ain't enough time he can spend in jail to make right all the wrongs. Yes, he'll be in jail for the rest of his natural life, and Hell's fire awaits him, but...

You're getting slapped because you can't get slapped enough!

R Skelly

10/1/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending October 1, 2021:

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#3 NICK CANNON

So sad. The c*ck is on lockdown. Check that. They baby-making is, but not the lovin'. Nick says he's done with being fruitful and multiplying. This, after his therapist told him to try celibacy., Because he fathered 4 kids in less than a year, and now he was a total of 7.

He joked previously that he was going to start his own sperm bank. I mean, he could. Apparently he's got enough for the entire universe. But, it's best if he tucks his sack away-- just in case the zombie apocalypse happens and we need to jumpstart this thing again...

P.S. We would've cost you a lot less than you therapist to tell you the exact same thing.

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#2 NICOLAS CAGE

What's that line from Animal House that's always perfect for situations like this?

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

Yup. That sums things up. Nico needs to get a grip on his drink-o. He was booted from the upscale Vegas eatery, Lawry's Prime Rib cuz they thought he was a homeless, drunk man raising all kinds of heck. A witness said he was "completely drunk" and arguing with a staff member before getting the boot.

"... was completely smashed. He was in a really bad state and was walking around shoeless... he had been downing shots of tequila and 1980 Macallan whiskey."

Apparently,. he was so drunk he couldn't get his flip-flops on. Two things you need to stay away from, Nic: Booze and women. Isn't he on wife #5 now?

P.S. Was it the movie Face/Off that made him a joke? Discuss...

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#1 R. KELLY

This Ultimate POS is getting what we've all been waiting for-- a conviction. After decades of sexually abusing girls, boys and women, Rasshole finally was convicted on all 9-counts he faced-- including racketeering and violating the Mann Act (which prohibits the transport of any woman or girl across state lines for any "immoral purpose.") This is the first time he's been criminally prosecuted despite the allegations that have followed him for 25 years.

He faces 10-years-to-life in prison, and that doesn't feel like enough for all the lives he has destroyed. Even death is too good for this non-human. Years of torture is a good start. With Hell waiting for him in the end. So to speak...

P.S. If Bill Cosby says you've been wronged, then we all know we got it right. Too bad the two of you couldn't have shared a cell...

Rated R

8/27/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending August 27th, 2021:

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It's a rare occurrence when the slap list is dedicated to one individual. But in this case, he's worthy of way more than a "slap". He needs extinguished from existence. So here we go:

#3, #2, #1 R. KELLY
Why is this dreg of society still walking around a free man? Probably because he has the money to pay people off. R. Kelly is on trial, charged with nine counts of racketeering and violations of the Mann Act, which makes it a crime to transport "any woman or girl" across state lines for any "immoral purpose." The testimony has been jaw-dropping-- but sadly, not shocking. Here are some of the lowlife-lights from court testimony.

Anthony Navarro was the douchebag's assistant from 2007 to 2009. He said R's Chicago mansion was like the Twilight Zone because:

"You went into the gate and it was like a different world... just a strange place."

Anthony was in charge of enforcing "Rob's Rules" as a way to keep the girls in line. He wasn't allowed to speak to them as he escorted the girls to their designated rooms-- that they weren't allowed to leave. One rule included:

"If they're (the girls) not where they're supposed to be, you'd have to tell Rob or a manager. They weren't supposed to be wandering around."

In addition, Anthony recalled reviewing security footage and seeing two teenage girls jump the fence to escape. Meanwhile, Demetrius Smith was R's former tour manager. He was in the inner circle, and helped orchestrate R's illegal marriage to Aaliyah. When Aaliyah was 15, she thought she was pregnant. R was worried about going to jail because she was 15 and he was 27, so he had Demetrius bribe a welfare office worker to make an illegal ID card that didn't show her date of birth. They then obtained a marriage license.

Then, a woman named Zel-- an aspiring then 17-year-old aspiring singer-- testified. She says her initial plan was to audition for him. But he pressured her for sex when he got to his hotel. After some time together, she informed R. that she needed to go back to school since she was only 17. Zel said he laughed in her face, slapped her, then told her she'd be home-schooled so she could live with him in Chicago. At one point, Zel got pregnant. R told her to get an abortion so she could "keep her body tight". Because his girls needed to

"...stay beautiful and innocent and that anything Daddy says is to help me."

If any girl broke any of Rob's Rules, they would be chastised with spankings that would tear the skin and leave bruises.

Oh, and if this wasn't horrific enough? R gave Zel the herpes-- then blamed her.

If convicted, he faces 10-years to life in prison. A lifetime wouldn't be enough IF he is convicted.

There is no pain he could suffer that would atone for all his crimes....

Do As I Say

8/13/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 13th, 2021:

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#3 DEMI LOVATO

I had a lot of love for Demi and everything she's gone through. She was such a sympathetic character. And now, frequently slap-worthy. She's dragged so many people and companies on the socials for no good reason, and now-- she's getting dragged back. Demi made public her disgust that people attended Lollapalooza while there's

"still a pandemic happening."

Oh, but guess who was on stage soon after that keyboard vomiting? Yup. She decided to join All Time Low for a tune in front of a crowd of nearly 10,000. That's not Lollapalooza-sized, but.... the virus can still spread, right?

Kindly go forth and eff-off.

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#2 R. KELLY

This dude is all about getting off-- in so many ways. Amongst his laundry list of charges is that he knowingly exposed partners to an STI. New York Public Health Law states:

"Any person who, knowing himself or herself to be infected with an infectious venereal disease, has sexual intercourse with another shall be guilty of a misdemeanor."

But his people say, "hold up". R. knew he was packin' the ick. But the argument is that herpes isn't as serious as gonorrhea, so....

It's still a disease-- like you-- dumbass. And you still knowingly transmitted your poison to whomever you could.

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#1 NICK CANNON

After Nick wipes his "d" clean, he apparently wipes his hands clean of any responsibility, too. After fathering four babies in less than a year, the people want to know what's up (besides his wango). Nick says it's simple. He's rebelling...

"That's a Eurocentric concept... the idea that you're supposed to have this one person for the rest of your life. The idea that a man should have one woman... We shouldn't have anything. I have no ownership over this person."

No one said you did. Commitment to one person is what we're talking about. Monogamy. Pfffft. This guy is plain and simply a horn dog who gets off (so to speak) on being virile. And according to Cannonfucious, this whole baby-making thing is on the woman.

"Those women, and all women, are the ones that open themselves up and say, 'I would like to allow this man into my world and I will birth this child. It ain't my decision. I'm just following suit."

"Those women?" You mean your "baby mommas". Plural. So because no one believes in contraception or disease protection, and a woman decides to accept your sperm, she is the one who accepts the responsibility and/or consequences?

Nice try spinning this like you're some evolved creature. HA! For the record, he was seven kids with four different women. And he apparently ain't gonna stop.

What the Stank!?!?

8/6/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 6th, 2021:

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#3 MACHINE GUN KELLY (aka: MGK)

K is not okay with his movie "Midnight in the Switchgrass." Plus: he met the love of his life, Megan Fox, on set. Minus: he ain't in the movie that much. In fact, the happy couple skipped the film's premiere and MGK, dropped this tweet:

"If I don't talk or tweet about a movie I'm barely in it's because it's (trash emoji)."

I mean, I applaud your telling the truth. I saw the trailer for this movie and it's not good. First of all, Bruce Willis doesn't need to do these crap movies, or does he? Second, no one is going to believe that your beloved Megan is an FBI agent. Even if I drank an entire bottle of wine would I believe she could be FBI. Unless it's some Cinemax after 11 pm movie, and "switchgrass" is changed to "switchsnatch" and Megan switches identities with another woman to entrap her lover that she believes is cheating on her.

Yes, I just made that up.

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#2 ASHTON KUTCHER AND MILA KUNIS

WTH is it with Hollywood and the lack of hygiene? Seriously. Back in the day, I was crushed when it was revealed by Jennifer Aniston that then-hubby Brad Pitt rarely showered. Peee-you! There'd be no way I'd get near that musty fruitbowl! Wash that entire America-Mexico-South America area!

And now this power couple has consciously uncoupled with soap and water. And their kids, too! They don't believe in washing the entire body. But they do wash their "soles and holes" every day. Praise sweet baby Jesus for that at least! In regards to the kids? If they don't see dirt on them, they don't wash 'em. Hello!!!! They have "soles and holes", too.

Please add "pits and tits" to the list. Those can be some funky areas, too. Or better yet, while you're taking care of South America and Antarctica, wash the entire globe!!!

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#1 R. KELLY

Why isn't this ultimate POS behind bars? Or breathing our good air? Another day, another depraved allegation against this d*uchenozzle. New York prosecutors came forward recently, accusing R (rapist?) of "grooming" young boys. He's accused of asking a minor:

"... what he was willing to do to succeed in the music business and clarified that he wanted John Doe #1 to engage in sexual contact with Kelly."

But there's more:

The teen introduced R. Criminal to John Doe #2, also a minor, and allegedly:

"paid John Doe #2 after sexual encounters with him."

And here's another gem. Federal documents claim the supposed perv's crisis manager bribed a Cook County clerk after the documentary Surviving R. Kelly aired.

Get this anal leak off the streets. He's a menace!

Shady Lady(?)

5/25/2018

Offenders for the week ending May 25, 2018:

There were so many toolbags this week, that I had to pick an honorable mention. Congrats KEVIN FEDERLINE. Britney Spears' second ex-husband and father of her two children won't let go of his petition for more child support. Now he wants what amounts to $2,000 a day. Because it's not fair when the children visit, they're forced to be all crammed into his little postage stamp-sized home. Oh, and he has no job-- except for DJ-ing in clubs. (Then get another job!)

On to our Top 3 Offenders...

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#3 KENDRICK LAMAR

Methinks this was a setup. At a recent show, Ken-dick invited a white gal up on stage to sing his song M.A.D.D. City with him. A few lines into it, he stopped the show to chastise her for singing all the lyrics-- which include the "n" word. I thought there'd be cries of "cultural appropriation", but no. Instead, overwhelming support of his victim. His fans are p*ssed off at HIM.

"The biggest setup ever... SMH... He knew what he was doing. Ruined her life all over social media. She's gonna have to live with the video of people being mad forever."

Love it. You're such a fanny wipe. That gal was a fan of yours. Imagine being called on stage to perform with your favorite artist? Then to have it ruined by your douchebaggery! She didn't see your color, but you saw hers. Hypocrite.

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#2 R. KELLY

This f&ck licker has a very high opinion of himself and his place in musical history. They way he talks, you'd think he was Michael Jackson or Prince. And, he's above the law. Captured on video, R rants about his music being banned on streaming services in light of a litany of sexual allegations against him. FYI: he believes those women should've told authorities years ago because he's "untouchable":

You're so right. You're a musical icon. So go on raping underage girls, keeping women enslaved in your various homes, and believing your jacked-up fairy tale.

You're such a disgrace to the human race.

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I loathe a lot of things. A backhanded-ho is on example. Right after the Royal Wedding and pre-American Idol finale, Katy and her fellow judges were interviewed about all kinds of stuff. When asked about Meghan Markle and the wedding, Katy wasn't as classy as the new Duchess of Sussex. She started out with sweet sentiment:

"I'm so happy for them... it's amazing what she's doing with all this, her humanitarian efforts... you know, the fact that she's a proud feminist, I love all that. I support her as another woman and love her and wish them both well."

Then she threw the shade. Take a listen:

Bitch, please. You "love and support" Meghan, but you couldn't resist taking a stab at her style. As I recall, you're the classy dame that shot whipped cream from her bra...

I'm surprised you were even able to speak with John's (Oscar) Mayer in your caboose, Orlando's Bloom in your womb, and Ryan Seacrest sniffing for a safe landing on the Haty Highway.

Goop-y, Messy & Sloppy...

7/21/2017

Offenders for the week ending July 21, 2017:

Says it all...

#3 GWYNETH PALTROW

Dr. Twatski's at it again! How did we survive all these centuries without you? Her latest medical marvel-- stickers that promote healing. And if you make them with just the right materials and stick them on your body in the right places-- MAGICAL HEALING! Dr. T had this to say:

"Human bodies operate at an ideal energetic frequency, but everyday stresses and anxiety can throw off our internal balance, depleting our energy reserves and weakening our immune systems. Body Vibe stickers come pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances."

Oh, and for just $60 you'll get a 10-pack of supernatural bullsh*t thingies! Can't I just use a cool scratch-n-sniff sticker like I had as a kid and call it a day?

How 'bout this? I'm gonna stick some duct tape on your mouth. That sticker will heal the rest of us.

What a charmer...

#2 R. KELLY

Dude... We know your history of freek-a-leekness, but this. THIS is just beyond... This is slavery. Sex. Slavery. Multiple reports are surfacing that the AARP Lothario has been keeping a number of women (some very young) in homes in Chicago and Atlanta as members of a "sex-obsessed, abusive cult." Former members of his inner circle and parents of the women are standing strong with their claims that:

"he tells them what and when to eat, how to dress, how to cut their hair, when they sleep... you have to ask for food. You have to ask to go use the bathroom. He's a master at mind control. He is a puppet master."

This gives a whole new spin to a few of your songs: "It Seems Like You're Ready" & "Feelin' Yo Booty"... disgusting.

Of course, R's crew is vehemently denying the accusations. Cuz he's such an innocent... Just like poor Bill Cosby. By the way, you're not Hefner. You're more like Rapener.

I think you need to get back into that infamous closet. In fact-- make it your coffin.

"I walk erratically, too!"

#1 AARON CARTER

Oh, the irony! Remember how he mocked Shia LaBeouf for another DUI arrest by saying:

"You won't catch me getting any DUIs."

Guess what? BUSTED! Yup. A motorcyclist called 9-1-1 to report an erratic driver. Aaron admits he was driving erratically, because his alignment was out. And so that's why he was driving poorly and... he was profiled by police. Since Aaron is a white man with tattoos driving a white SUV, well-- automatic criminal! Plus, the cops knew he was a famous person.

BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA! Who the f*ck could actually recognize Aaron Carter!?!? I saw his mugshot and thought he was Vanilla Ice. NOT a compliment! And for the record. Aaron wasn't drunk and he doesn't do drugs.

"I take Xanax, Propranolol for high blood pressure medication, and I took oxycodones for my (jaw injury)."

Oh, and he did weed nine hours before his arrest.

You could've had a great career. But instead, you're washed-up at 29 and look like a trailer-park-Justin-Bieber impersonator.

"He who lives in a glass crack house should not cast a stone..."

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Money Time

R Skelly

Rated R

Do As I Say

What the Stank!?!?

Shady Lady(?)

Goop-y, Messy & Sloppy...

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