Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Bloody Valentine

1/21/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 21st, 2022:

#3 MEGAN FOX AND MACHINE GUN KELLY

No surprise these two are engaged. Megan shared the news via the IG:

"Somehow, a year and a half later, having walked through hell together, and having laughed more than I ever imagined possible, he asked me to marry him. And just as in every lifetime before this one, and as in every lifetime that will follow it, I said yes. And then we drank each other’s blood.”

The fuque!?!?! I don't get the fascination with the whole drinking-your-blood-means-we're-bonded-for-eternity thing. It doesn't. Blood means nothing. Ask Angelina and Billy Bob.

They drink each other's blood. They say their love is like a tsunami. Sigh. They've lasted a long time, by Hollywood standards. But will making things legal ruin it? And stop drinking blood. Y'all ain't from Twilight...

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#2 PRINCE ANDREW

Hope all that alleged underaged Epstein stripping down was worth it. Cuz the Queen Who Will Never Perish just stripped her hubs of his military titles and royal patronages. On top of that, he has to defend his civil lawsuit with his own coin. Lizzie is mad af!

No more official use of "His Royal Highness", but he can retain it for funsies. Can we give him the title of The Duke of Fossil F&ck?

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Defense is keeping his lip zipped. (Too bad Phillip didn't keep his pants zipped, allegedly). But Lt. Stuart Hunt had this to say:

"I'm just glad he's not associated with the military now. Whether he's guilty or not, he has brought things into disrepute... He's not fit to serve in an honorary rank. He has forgone that right by getting into this sort of situation.”

So proper, and so... ouch!

Wonder if Prince Andrew has a Prince Albert? Vurp.

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#1 LISA BONET

Girl, you've run out of good luck. After being married to that fine specimen, Lenny Kravitz, you then snagged some Jason Momoa. Only to divorce him, too. WTF? You're done with marrying awesome men. This dude found and restored the first car you ever owned as a surprise gift for you. This dude slept in a van while filming Game of Thrones-- his first big break in acting. And now that he's enjoying success and has opportunities to seize, you want to peace-out.

Lisa hinted at the pending break-up while guesting on a podcast:

“Definitely learning how to be authentically me, learning to be new, and following this invitation from the universe to step into this river of uncertainty. We’ve eliminated all this extra noise, and now it’s time to grow our roots deeper into our own values.”

What? You're a fool. The reason why the marriage of 4 years (after a total of 16 years together) fell apart? She didn't want to visit Jason on any of his movie sets.

Triple slap and a booby punch for you!

What the Stank!?!?

8/6/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 6th, 2021:

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#3 MACHINE GUN KELLY (aka: MGK)

K is not okay with his movie "Midnight in the Switchgrass." Plus: he met the love of his life, Megan Fox, on set. Minus: he ain't in the movie that much. In fact, the happy couple skipped the film's premiere and MGK, dropped this tweet:

"If I don't talk or tweet about a movie I'm barely in it's because it's (trash emoji)."

I mean, I applaud your telling the truth. I saw the trailer for this movie and it's not good. First of all, Bruce Willis doesn't need to do these crap movies, or does he? Second, no one is going to believe that your beloved Megan is an FBI agent. Even if I drank an entire bottle of wine would I believe she could be FBI. Unless it's some Cinemax after 11 pm movie, and "switchgrass" is changed to "switchsnatch" and Megan switches identities with another woman to entrap her lover that she believes is cheating on her.

Yes, I just made that up.

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#2 ASHTON KUTCHER AND MILA KUNIS

WTH is it with Hollywood and the lack of hygiene? Seriously. Back in the day, I was crushed when it was revealed by Jennifer Aniston that then-hubby Brad Pitt rarely showered. Peee-you! There'd be no way I'd get near that musty fruitbowl! Wash that entire America-Mexico-South America area!

And now this power couple has consciously uncoupled with soap and water. And their kids, too! They don't believe in washing the entire body. But they do wash their "soles and holes" every day. Praise sweet baby Jesus for that at least! In regards to the kids? If they don't see dirt on them, they don't wash 'em. Hello!!!! They have "soles and holes", too.

Please add "pits and tits" to the list. Those can be some funky areas, too. Or better yet, while you're taking care of South America and Antarctica, wash the entire globe!!!

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#1 R. KELLY

Why isn't this ultimate POS behind bars? Or breathing our good air? Another day, another depraved allegation against this d*uchenozzle. New York prosecutors came forward recently, accusing R (rapist?) of "grooming" young boys. He's accused of asking a minor:

"... what he was willing to do to succeed in the music business and clarified that he wanted John Doe #1 to engage in sexual contact with Kelly."

But there's more:

The teen introduced R. Criminal to John Doe #2, also a minor, and allegedly:

"paid John Doe #2 after sexual encounters with him."

And here's another gem. Federal documents claim the supposed perv's crisis manager bribed a Cook County clerk after the documentary Surviving R. Kelly aired.

Get this anal leak off the streets. He's a menace!

Devil's Advocate

4/2/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 2, 2021:

HONORABLE MENTION: Machine Gun Kelly. Dude was cheating on his hot-azz girlfiriend, Sommer Ray, with now-soulmate/girlfriend/effbuddy/equally-hot-azz Megan Fox. MGK and Megan met while filming "Midnight in the Switchgrass". Sommer was allowed to travel to visit the film set. But when MGK was filming the video for "Bloody Valentine," she was told to stay away because of the 'VID. Hhhmmmm...... Megan co-starred in that video, and then the two started dating soon "after". Shame on being a swingin' wangler, Machine Gun. Props though for tryin' to be smart by using COVID as an excuse. An excuse that's believable, until it's not...

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#3 THOMAS MARKLE

Can the Queen grant Prince Harry's FIL the title of Royal Wanker? Because he one-thousand percent qualifies. This dude has done nothing but cash in with tall tales about his daughter, Megan. There ain't a dollar he'll turn down to share "his side of the story". And now that Prince Harry and Megan's Oprah interview made some heads explode overseas, as well as stirred the shizz up stateside, well-- Tommy Boy wants his say. Again. Because he feels he was "misrepresented" and wants to clear things up.

So what did he do? He wrote a letter. Took time to actually write a letter and hand deliver it to Oprah's security detail in Monticello. I'm sure Oprah will respond... NOT!

Go. A. Way. You're such a POS. Nobody cares about you. You should care about having a real, private relationship with your daughter instead of trying to suckle off her teat for a drop of validation and fame. Sorry. You'll just have to settle for infamy.

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#2 JEN SHAH, cast member/Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

The loudest mouth on Bravo's newest "Housewives" show is in trouble with the law. Big time. And it was all caught on video while filming is underway for the second season. Shah and her personal assistant (IE: partner in alleged crime) Stuart Smith are charged in a national telemarketing scheme. According to Homeland Security:

"Shah and Smith flaunted their lavish lifestyle to the public as a symbol of their 'success'. (But) They built their opulent lifestyle at the expense of vulnerable, often elderly, working-class people."

Nothing pisses me off more than a dirty thief! Especially those that take advantage of the elderly. Older people have worked their entire lives and have lived a long time. Let 'em be!

Both are charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and money laundering-- which could garner 30-year and 20-year sentences. This only proves how dumb these "stars" are. You're on a reality TV show. We have the internet. There are cameras around you! You can't hide your assery!

Didn't you learn anything from fellow Housewives Star and fellow felon, Teresa Guidice-- who spent 15 months in prison? All your fake fabulousity won't keep you from prison, bitch.

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#1 LIL NAS X

Congratulations. Everyone's talking about you, Lil Nasty. I don't care how you live your life. But most people feel that promoting a bromance with The Devil is not tight-- like in your newest music video. Whether it's satire or not, or art or not-- messin' with Lucifer makes people uncomfortable. Add in some Satan shoes, and you've delivered a one-two punch to a fiery eternity.

Congratulations, Part Two: You've made a pile of cash on your Satan Shoes. You've made more than half-a-million bucks from selling-out 666 pairs at $1,018. Nike is pissed because you bought some Air Max '97s and demoned things up by adding human blood to each pair. Because nothing says cool like wearing blood. And whose blood was used, exactly? Are you some undercover killer with some corpses at your disposal? You rose to fame based on the extreme popularity of "Old Town Road"-- which became a kids' anthem, whether you liked it or not, despite your argument that the song has adult themes to it. Oh, but you liked the fame and notoriety. Now that parents are upset at you, you're flying your big ol' middle finger:

"U decided to let your child listen. blame yourself. I am an adult. i am not gonna spend my entire career trying to cater to your children. that is your job."

But you have no problem dictating and indoctrinating what you feel is important to said children. Okay.

You may not believe in a Higher Power, but most people believe in karma and reaping what you sow. What you've gained now is nothing. Why don't you really express your artistry and cutting-edge bullsh&t by doing something... religious? Oh, because spiritual stuff is stuffy but devil stuff is cool.

Enjoy that stripper pole ride to Hell... and the surprise party waiting for you.

Not Like Us

2/5/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 5, 2021:

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#3 BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN

What's that I'm hearing? Elsa singing "Let it Go"-- which is what you need to do, (tool) B. A. G.

As things seem to be headed towards nuptials for his estranged wife, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, Brian is dragging his feet on their divorce.

"(Megan) is very serious with MGK and sees him as her soulmate and life partner. Megan would like to wrap it up and get it finished as quickly as possible."

Ah, yes, the good ol' "stall tactic" of "If I can't have her, you can't either."

As much as it hurts, she doesn't want you. Go find your own "soulmate" and "once-in-a-lifetime" partner. Green doesn't look good on you. Get over the envy.

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#2 CHRISSY TEIGEN

Celebrities are not like us, as much as they like to tell us what to do and believe because they used to be like us. "Used to be" is the key phrase. Chrissy tries to stay connected with her followers on the socials by oversharing and by engaging conversation. But if the convo doesn't go her way, well...

Chrissy asked people to tweet: "What's the most expensive thing you've eaten that you thought sucked?" People replied with a variety of things. Then, Chrissy dropped her story:

"One time John (Legend) and I were at a restaurant and the waiter recommended a nice Cabernet. We got the bill and it was $13-thousand. HOW DO (YOU) CASUALLY RECOMMEND THAT WINE. We didn't even finish it and it had been cleared!!!"

And that's when things turned. One person tweeted: "Y'all can accidentally buy a $13-thousand bottle of wine, but most Americans can't afford a $300 emergency." And that's when Chrissy threw a hissy fit. Check out these claws:

"Not everything I say on my twitter is going to be relatable to you because it is my life and my twitter and my stories."

True. But you asked for responses, you unaware, self-absorbed tw%t wrinkle. And... your story was lame. Most people-- even rich ones-- ask how much a bottle of wine is before they give the green light... AND that's the best story you've got? Like, "I spent $10-thousand on some wagyu and it was the size of a quarter." THAT's something to really get p&ssed about.

How 'bout you give yourself a break from social media? (And us in return).

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#1 MARILYN MANSON

Calling this creature a P. O. S. gives pieces of sh&t a bad name. There are no words to describe his horrific and serial killer-esque behavior. His former fiancee, Evan Rachel Wood, has been an advocate for victims of abuse. And she's finally named names. Manson allegedly is the one who horrifically abused her for years. They met when she was 19 and he was 38, and she says he "groomed" her and abused her. Throughout their relationship, Evan says she was brainwashed and manipulated into submission. They split in 2010. And now she says she's no longer in fear of retaliation, slander, or blackmail.

In fact, Manson shared in an interview from 2009 that he wanted to murder Evan. So heartwarming. Four other women have come forward, including Jenna Jameson-- who said she dumped the flaming douchebag after he told her he fantasized about burning her alive. His ex-assistant, Dan Cleary, said he witnessed the abuse of women first hand but said nothing because of "the code". That bullsh*t thing that happens in the entertainment business. Speak up and get blacklisted and lose your job. Keep quiet and keep moving forward (think Bill Cosby x 1 million.)

Former Manson mentor Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has denounced the ingrown pube in a statement, saying he has been vocal over the years about his "dislike of Manson as a person"-- cutting ties 25 years ago. And Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Borland said:

"... He's not a great guy. Every single thing that people have said about him is f*cking true. He needs to be put in check and needs to get sober."

"Put in check"? Yes. Rehab? Eff that. Rehab is a way for celebrities run an hide and gain sympathy for bad behavior-- without consequence. Manson needs to pay for what he's done (allegedly). No amount of "rehab" is going to change what is in the fiber of his being. In this case, it's a lifetime of evil f*ckery."

He needs to be ejected from the planet, ASAP. A one-way trip to Mars should work. Or, some Old Testament-style punishment. Who's in?

Singer Away

8/7/2020

Offenders for the week ending August 7th, 2020:

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#3 RAMONA SINGER, Castmember/Real Housewives of New York

Just because a person says they're sorry doesn't mean they truly are. In fact, 99% of celeb and pseudo-celeb apologies are just as useless as they are. Case in point: this self-important, insecure, this close to Medicare hag is threatened by younger females-- especially those that have the world by the fun marbles-- so, she goes into destroy mode. How classy. Her latest target? Fellow castmember Leah McSweeney, who's 30-something, fit and fine, and unapologetic for who she is as person. And that is threatening!

In an effort to destroy Leah, Bitchmoana threw some shade about mental health and meds:

"I found out she's bipolar and she's on medication and I know people who are bipolar and you cannot mix alcohol with meds, it makes you act not responsible. It's actually very dangerous."

Thanks, Doctor of (?) Bullsh*t?

But she's sorry now:

"It was never my intention to shame Leah about her mental health issues. I understand it's her story to tell. Takes a lot of courage & strength for her to go public in an article about her struggles, which I admire. I only wish her well & want to help support her in the right way."

Well, at least it wasn't the standard "Thoughts and prayers" disingenuous crap. But please. You meant to humiliate her. The best thing you can do is retire... from life.

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#2 MEGAN FOX

Love is grand, and apparently has no taste. Megs is legs-over-head in love with Machine Gun Kelly. He's not the rebound guy from her soon-to-be divorce from Brian Austin Green. He's the real deal. If the Insta says they are, they are!

Meg posted a picture of herself with MGK, wearing towels from the waist down, with the sweet caption:

"Achingly Beautiful Boy... My heart is yours."

Is your heart lodged in your jayjay? Or is it that you seem to have the habit of dating a few rungs lower so that you're worshiped by "lesser" men. Hmm... I like my theory here.

Are you gonna go by Mrs. Machine Gun or Mrs. Kelly?

P.S. Props to your soon-to-be ex posting a picture of his 4 sons (3 of which he had with you) with the caption: "Achingly beautiful boys. My heart is yours." Clap.Back.

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#1 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

No. Just. No.

There are a million wangs in the sea to choose from, and she just can't quit baby daddy Tristan Thompson. Because they're a couple again!

"They are very much together. Khloe is beyond happy. She loves having Tristan around. He has the best relationship with their daughter True."

Awesome. He needs to be a good father. But he makes for a terrible partner. Because the only partnership he's capable of is whichever poon direction his pecker points. There's going to be a time when lockdowns and NBA bubbles don't exist. which means his "small forward" will be ready to drive down the middle. You most likely will be heartbroken, again.

There's love. And then there's complete foolishness. Wake yo fool self up and find another snake to charm!

Bloody Valentine

What the Stank!?!?

Devil's Advocate

Not Like Us

Singer Away

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