Offenders for the week ending September 15, 2017:
Last week, it was the guys.... this week, the ladies take over!
"Wanna play hide-the-Oscar-John-Mayer?"
#3 NICKI MINAJ
John Mayer started a Twitter flirtation with Nicki and she indulged him.
John: "I spend an inordinate amount of time per day wondering if Nicki Minaj would like me or not."
Nicki: "Would my body be your wonderland?"
Gag. No, Nicki. NOOOOO! His Bang-Bang Shrimp list is long, like, Dead-Sea-Scrolls-long. Plus, you're dating Nas... and, you just rapped on Katy Perry's record, and Katy and John bumped uglies... my head is going to explode!
Look. He may be the C*ck Dujour, but that doesn't mean you have to partake! Quite "frank"ly, I'm surprised he even still has a ween. Seriously. I'm surprised it hasn't boycotted and left the scene of multiple crimes. But I digress.
Everyone's had this mystery meat, so don't indulge, lest you get Mad "Rooster" disease...
John: "I spend an inordinate amount of time per day wondering if Nicki Minaj would like me or not."
Nicki: "Would my body be your wonderland?"
Gag. No, Nicki. NOOOOO! His Bang-Bang Shrimp list is long, like, Dead-Sea-Scrolls-long. Plus, you're dating Nas... and, you just rapped on Katy Perry's record, and Katy and John bumped uglies... my head is going to explode!
Look. He may be the C*ck Dujour, but that doesn't mean you have to partake! Quite "frank"ly, I'm surprised he even still has a ween. Seriously. I'm surprised it hasn't boycotted and left the scene of multiple crimes. But I digress.
Everyone's had this mystery meat, so don't indulge, lest you get Mad "Rooster" disease...
"I literally had no idea I just ripped my jacket open..."
#2 ARIEL WINTER
I totally get being proud of your body and rockin' whatev outfit gives your mojo a tongue kiss. But wearing a pair of shorts that exposes your womb? Nah... Areola had some grocery shopping to do the other day, so she donned her best belly shirt (sans bra), cowboy boots, and something she called a pair of denim shorts. Do ladies own cheek-revealing shorts? Sure. Do most of us wear them in public? Hellz no! Ariel took to Twitter to defend her couture:
"I literally do not try and show my ass when I wear shorts... My ass just eats them up and then I don't notice."
What's that sound? The B.S. alert going off. You don't feel that breeze on the Swiss Ass? Can't hear the sounds of your muffled muff screaming for air? Girl, bye!
Walmart called. They miss you.
To see the "too cheeky" shot, go here: http://people.com/style/ariel-winter-response-to-short-shorts-photo/
"I literally do not try and show my ass when I wear shorts... My ass just eats them up and then I don't notice."
What's that sound? The B.S. alert going off. You don't feel that breeze on the Swiss Ass? Can't hear the sounds of your muffled muff screaming for air? Girl, bye!
Walmart called. They miss you.
To see the "too cheeky" shot, go here: http://people.com/style/ariel-winter-response-to-short-shorts-photo/
"(singing) Crazzzy/I'm Crazzzzy for spewing my shizzzzz/Crazzzzzy..."
#1 KATE HUDSON
You're so cute-sy. And your movies are cute-sy. But then that's all ruined when you say something flippant and everyone loses their marbles. Well, rightfully so. See, Kate was filling out an innocent Cosmo mag questionnaire about various non-related topics. When she came across the question about the laziest thing she's ever done, she answered:
"Have a C-Section!"
What was that? Who knows the context, but she sure stirred it up. I'm surprised the Internet didn't crash with all the angry mommas out there! I'm no doctor, but I do know that there is nothing lazy about a C-Section. Sure, you're not pushing for hours to deliver your baby, but-- it's a major surgery where your stomach is split open, your muscles are cut, body parts taken out, then packed back in when they're all done. And don't even mention the recovery time while trying to get the routine down with the new baby.
Or perhaps, you just forgot all that?
Methinks your laziest moment might've been the night you flopped on your back to conceive... cuz pretty girls don't need to work as hard, right? Wink Wink.
"Have a C-Section!"
What was that? Who knows the context, but she sure stirred it up. I'm surprised the Internet didn't crash with all the angry mommas out there! I'm no doctor, but I do know that there is nothing lazy about a C-Section. Sure, you're not pushing for hours to deliver your baby, but-- it's a major surgery where your stomach is split open, your muscles are cut, body parts taken out, then packed back in when they're all done. And don't even mention the recovery time while trying to get the routine down with the new baby.
Or perhaps, you just forgot all that?
Methinks your laziest moment might've been the night you flopped on your back to conceive... cuz pretty girls don't need to work as hard, right? Wink Wink.
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