Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Mrs. Felon

10/16/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 16, 2020:

#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former cast member of Southern Charm & Known DB (douche bag)

The former reality TV star and forever felon is actually going to walk down the aisle. With his second baby momma. He had two kids with Kathryn Dennis, who remains a "star" of Southern Charm. Welp, he had another kid with another chick, and supposedly she's worthy enough to earn the ring. So much so, that he's not getting a prenup:

"Not with this one. No need."

Riiight... But you might have a point. Because as Kanye said so poetically:

"18 years/18 years/Got one of your kids/Got you for 18 years."

Why get a pre-nup when you have the fruit-of-you-loins nup. This marriage might last 10 months. If they ever make it down the aisle. Guess she's okay that he's a convicted felon. It was just running drugs, so not so bad?

By the way, are orange and orange your wedding colors?

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#2 PORSHA WILLIAMS, cast member of the Real Housewives of Atlanta

Fellow castmate Cynthia Bailey's bachelorette party took quite a wild turn, and Porsha was perhaps front and spread-eagle center for all of it. Sources say there was girl-on-girl action, and a couple of ladies enjoyed the pleasures of a male stripper-- at the same time.

Word on the street is that Princess P gave her "p" to fellow cast member Tanya Sam and that the two of them are the ones that paid the male stripper with pie. Porsha is in denial, as always, since she apparently has her sights set on B.O.L.O. The Entertainer. But what about her baby-daddy-one-time fiancé, Dennis? Oh. They're off again. While she's getting off on anything with a pulse.

Whatevs.

What happens at the BP (Bachelorette Party) stays at the BP. Unless you're filming for the upcoming season... oops. Just own it! You're a wild child ready to ride whatever!

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#1 DOMINIC WEST

He's currently filming "The Pursuit of Love" with Lily James. The two were spotted in Rome recently kissing, sharing an electric scooter, lunching-- romantical stuff. Oh, wait. He's married. Been so for 10 years and 4-kids. Yeah... His wife saw the receipts and is crushed. Meanwhile, his tramp-in-waiting Lily dumped her relationship of 5-years.

But just the other day, Dummydick and wife Catherine staged a photo op for the press outside their home-- kissing for photogs and holding up a sign declaring they're still very much together.

Uhmmm... perhaps you both need slapped.

Dominic: This is 2020. There are cameras everywhere. And those phones everyone has takes really good pictures. And, you're a celebrity. So people watch you. And wait for your wang to get out of line.

Catherine: This dude got caught red wankered cheating on you. He's a complete stain. What did he say to you to make you stick around? That he's sorry? Did he put a Kobe apology ring on it? Hopefully, he put a mask on his hang-low so you won't catch crotch COVID.

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Twit Epidemic

8/16/2019

Offenders for the week ending August 16, 2019:

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#3 THOMAS RAVENEL, former Southern Charm castmember

People can be hateful, hell-bent on destroying someone else. And people with privilege and money are even more hateful because they feel they can get away with it. This disgraced former politician served time in a federal prison for intent to sell a large amount of cocaine. He's been accused multiple times of assaulting women. He was exited from a reality TV show. And now, he won't stop fighting his baby momma, Southern Charm castmember Kathryn Dennis-- whether in court or via social media. This dude is on a smear campaign and is determined to hurt her every way he can.

Kathryn's mother recently died after a long battle with cancer. So, this psycho ass hat felt it was the perfect opportunity to kick someone when they're down. On the day of this woman's passing, Rapenel (alleged) posted a picture of his mother with his children by Kathryn on Twitter. Low blow. One Twitter follower called him out:

"Really? Timing is everything. You suck more every day."

True. Perhaps he'll go back to prison and suck whatever every day.

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#2 OLIVIA JADE

This bratty rectum fungus has made a major life decision. She's not going back to USC! You know, that university that her mommy and daddy (Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannuilli) lied and cheated (allegedly) to get her into. She's now going to return to her career as: Social Media Influencer.

"She never wanted to attend USC to begin with, and now she is sure that USC isn't the place for her. Right now her goal is to rebuild her brand and business."

Good luck. She lost a ton of jack after brands dropped her during the scandal. Her "people" are trying to convince her to start her own brand of something-- cosmetics, clothing. Whatevs. But since she has no ethics, perhaps her brand should test on animals, make clothing in sweatshops, etc... Here's an idea-- She could pimp things for liars: burner phones, clean urine samples, Ashley Madison subscriptions....

Here's another idea: Eat a large bag of dicks.

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Speaking of eating some Oscar Mayer, Miley is apparently done with meat and is going vajeegan. After less than a year of marriage to Liam Hemsworth, she's decided to call it quits. In a mutual statement:

"Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is what's best while they both focus on themselves and careers. They still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart. Please respect their process and privacy."

Privacy? This cooch waffle is nothing but an open-spread-eagle book. How many times have we been tortured with pics of her crotch? And that damned tongue sticking out of her stupid head! Anywho, she left her hot hubs for Brody Jenner's ex-wife Kaitlynn Carter. Miley and Kaitlynn took a girl's trip to Italy, and when they returned-- Miley dumped Liam. What a coincidence.

Seriously, who would ever want to be near this petri dish? Like the air around her would be heavy with funk. You really are a virus, Cyrus. MRSA times a thousand. How much penicillin will it take to wipe you from the planet?

Senseless Reality

4/5/2019

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Offenders for the week ending April 5, 2019:

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#3 NENE LEAKES, Real Housewives of Atlanta "star"

This wenchbag completely supports my theory that women are the dirtiest fighters, and the whole "women for women" movement is bullsh*t for most females. She calls herself the HBIC of the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Perhaps she should call herself the B.A. of Atlanta-- as in "Biggest Assh&le". Just days after her co-star, Porsha Williams, gave birth NeNe felt the urge to fat-shame her on social media:

"You lying ass big fat hungry bitch... a big piggy with a busted shape... you worry bout them extra small baby ankles you rockin! Hopefully they hold up that giant body. Try dieting!... That's something you have never been good at."

This, coming from a woman that looks like a broke-down Shrek with a bad weave. Okurr.

The rough waters between NeNe and Porsha starting flowing after an incident on the show this season where NeNe didn't want cast members or cameras in her closet. She freaked out when the ladies wanted to peak inside the the massive room she's been bragging about. Allegedly, NeNe was so out of her mind that she put her hands on pregnant Porsha to get her out of the closet.

How about you all get in the closet, and we'll padlock the door!

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#2 THOMAS RAVENEL, former Southern Charm "star"

This dude is all kinds of effed-up. He spent some quality time in a federal prison 10+ years ago for cocaine. He's faced rape allegations in the past, and he just can't stop torturing the mother of his children, Kathryn Dennis. She is 30 years his junior and is a "star" of Southern Charm. The two share 50/50 custody of their children, but after last year's one-two-rape-allegation-punch (again), Kathryn wants full custody.

Well, Thomas has and always will be, a vindictive l.O.B. As a result, Rapenel (alleged) wants full disclosure of his ex-lover's medical records. Like, full. He wants a full list of any and all prescription medications she's currently taking. And, exact dosages. And a doctor's explanation of which symptoms they're intended to treat. While Kathryn has been in rehab before, she has led what appears to be a clean life. Perhaps this bunghole pimple should check his own life instead of trying to destroy someone else's. Oh, and he should really be concerned about what's best for his kids. Which shouldn't be secondary.

His money has kept the rape allegations from turning into something more. But karma is a dish that is always served-- whether you're hungry or not.

*Note: The above gif is not Thomas, but the sentiment fits.

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#1 NICOLAS CAGE

This guy. Seriously. I'm amazed at how an Oscar-winning actor can become a joke. He's a big joke. But he's not turning it into a David Hasselhoff/William Shatner iconic life. He's just a joke! His latest guffaw? Filing for annulment from his fourth wife Erika Koike. After four days of marriage. Cuz he was crunk:

"Prior to obtaining a marriage license and participating in a marriage ceremony, (they) were both drinking to the point of intoxication. As a result of his intoxication, when (Koike) suggested they should marry, (Cage) reacted on impulse without the ability to recognize or understand the full impact of his actions."

On a Tuesday, he filed for a marriage license. On that Sunday, the license was granted and he tied the knot. That's a couple of days in between. You were drunk the entire time? Sure. Also, he didn't know she was linked to someone else romantically, and that she had a criminal record. When I think of the phrase "dumb d&ck", I think of Nicolas Cage. Sigh.

P.S. I have to give him props. His third wife is Korean. So, good taste there. But perhaps marriage is not a role you should pursue.

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Reality Ruffian

11/16/2018

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Offenders for the week ending November 16, 2018:

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#3 MEGHAN MARKLE

NOTE: This is a preventative slap-- so pay attention, duchess. You want none of the slap hand for realz.

Apparently, Meghan's personal assistant has quit-- abruptly-- after six months of service. A source said:

"It's a real shock... Melissa is a hugely talented person. She played a pivotal role in the success of the Royal Wedding and will be missed by everyone in the Royal Household."

Except Megs, apparently. According to the recently-released book about royals entitled "Hopes and Dreams," Prince Harry is whipped by Meghan, and caters to her alleged diva ways. There are also allegations that the Queen has warned Harry that Meghan needs to mind how she speaks to staff, and that she needs to follow family protocol.

I'm sure there are some growing pains. You can take the girl out of the USA, but you can't take the USA out of her... So, if this is even remotely true... Girl, check yo self. There are already enough pressures on you. Don't add to them. Be gracious and follow protocol. But behind closed doors with no one around, get your American on!

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#2 ARIANA GRANDE

NOTE: Another preventative slap...

Ariana isn't feeling lucky in love. Her ex, Mac Miller, died of a drug overdose. And she recently called-off her engagement to SNL "funnyman" Pete Davidson.

"The past couple of years have been incredibly difficult for Ariana and she rushed into the engagement with Pete. It wasn't an easy breakup and she doesn't want to date anyone for a while so she can focus on herself instead."

Cool. She did kick her out of her place and blocked his number. Love it. I agree with the "clearing your head" and growing, and finding yourself. Once you do, things will be different. But don't become that chick who hates men, cuts off her hair, wears Crocs and no makeup, and 24/7 flannel.

The Energizer Bunny can only go so long, and hook ups get boring. Take your time and find a real man. A man that looks like a man. Acts like a man. Has the ween of a man.

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#1 THOMAS RAVENEL, former cast member of the reality TV show Southern Charm

Speaking of weens...

NOTE: This is a real slap. For a real tool.

Props that he's come to the defense of his baby-momma, Kathryn Dennis, who was under public attack from his on-again-off-again baby-juice-dumpster Ashley something-or-other-last-name. They were caught up in a:

"screaming match of epic proportions."

I've never watched two people more perfect for each other, and totally toxic. Like, the epitome of toxic. Anywho, Thomas was upset that Ashley publicly has claimed that Kathryn's rehab stint was just to create a story line for the show, and that she's been seen all over Charleston getting crunk.

Okay, That's fine. But yelling in public and lookin' like a crotch stain isn't the way to conduct yourself.

Then, Raven-no took a public shot at Kathryn, accusing her of using their children as subject matter for the show. Sorry, dude, that you aren't on the show anymore. Stop trying to grab headlines.

You're a convicted felon. You've been accused multiple times of possessing rape-y tendencies. And you want to run your mouth-- still? Zip it-- and your pants.

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Double Standard

5/11/2018

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Offenders for the week ending May 11, 2018:

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#3 THOMAS RAVENEL

In case you don't know, this former state treasurer is a cast member of the Bravo reality TV show Southern Charm. The reason he's a former state treasurer is because he went away on a federal drug conviction. And trust me, there is nothing charming about this f*ck waffle. He has a nasty case of "wandering wang disease" and has never seen a "pink taco" he didn't want to get a handful of.

The 55-year-old is most infamous for twice impregnating his 25-year-old toxic on-again-off-again lover, Kathryn Dennis. Well, he's making headlines again-- this time accused of meeting a woman on Tinder in 2015 and sexually assaulting her. The alleged victim's daughter had this to share:

"(My mother) told me that he grabbed her by the wrist and held her down. He then proceeded to pull his penis out... She said 'no' and then he shoved his fingers inside of her..."

Mom didn't report the assault because he's powerful. And has a lot of money. The woman settled and agreed to zip it. Which is what this "cookie jar" burglar needs to do. Grow up; act like a true gentleman; quit dating your granddaughters; and... concentrate on raising your children, Rape-enel!

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#2 DRAKE

What do you have to say now, Drakey-poo? Your boys got swept by the Cavs. BWAA HAAA HAAAA! Anywho, the NBA the the Toronto Raptors organization have reprimanded him for his verbal altercation with our own Kendrick Perkins during Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals in Toronto. Why is this a problem? Drake is the global ambassador for the Raptors, so you kinda need to keep your shizz in line.

Drake and Perkins started trading jabs at halftime.

"What happened was I was talking to my old teammate Serge walking into halftime telling him 'We about to win this game.' and Drake butted in talking sh*t to me. So I said something back to him."

At the end of the game (the Cavs won in OT) Drake allegedly called Perkins a "f*cking p*ssy."

Drake would know what a meow meow is. Mr. Scaredy-Cat-Commitment-Phobe. Being a famous rapper you can't come up with a better insult? Sad.

Well, at least you're good at putting the "ass" in ambassador.

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#1 DJ KHALED

Somebody dug up an old interview with this dude. So what. Well, the "who-ha" is over comments he made about his lack of desire. Of "orating" on the ladies... if you're feelin' what I mean. See, Khaled is "the king" and while his wife is "the queen", he's not down with going down. Take a listen:

Let's clarify. He wants you to be into woodwinds, but he won't play the ocarina. Douchebag.

What about yin and yang; give and receive; goose and gander? The internets fellated, I mean, filleted Mr. No Munch. Proving why The Rock is forever awesome, Dwayne Johnson commented:

"Ahem... *clears throat* as a man, I take great pride in mastering ALL performances. This is probably a little TMI..."

Don't knock it 'til ya try it, Khaled. It's never to late to learn and it doesn't make you any less of a man, you fool.

So, open yo mouth wide and become a linguist...

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Mrs. Felon

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