Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Greybar Full House

1/24/2020

Offenders for the week ending January 24th, 2020:

After a holiday and illness hiatus, the slap hand is ready to get back to work!

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#3 LORI LOUGHLIN

From "I'm sooo innocent" to, I need to protect my azz, Aunt Becky's getting ready for prison life. According to an insider:

"She's knuckling down, learning the lingo and practicing martial arts to give off the impression she's tough and to ward off potential bullies... Besides the physical training, she's getting lots of advice from prison professors on how to earn one's keep behind bars."

She best learn how to trade smokes and commissary privileges for a good night's sleep. Or get her scissor skills down. Oh, but she and the hubs are innocent of conspiracy to commit mail fraud, honest services fraud, money laundering, and federal programs bribery.

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#2 SHAMIN ABAS

Who? Yeah. She's not really famous. But she's infamous now-- seeing that she's Matt Lauer's new GF. WTF? A person close to the situation offered this gem:

"She knows who he is. She's thrilled she's with him. She doesn't seem to have a care in the word."

Guess she's Camille Cosby in the making. You know-- all denial-turn-a-blind-eye to what their asshat men are up to. Supposedly, this wannabe Mrs. is a public relations chick and longtime friend of Matt and his ex-wife Annette Roque. Oh, she looks like Annette's twin by the way. Not creepy af. Oh, and there's this tidbit-- Charmin and Matt were linked romantically in 2005. Matt was married to Annette at the time. So, she's just as skeevy as Lower.

May your Venus Fly Snatch forever enjoy the beef jerky that is your lover...

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#1 WENDY WILLIAMS

Why is this wenchbag wealthy and famous? And who watches her damned talk show? Her mere existence is offensive, but this time around she has offended those that have/had a cleft lip. Recently on her show, she was explaining how she was strangely attracted to Joaquin Phoenix calling him "oddly attractive". She loves his "piercing eyes", and then critiqued a scar on his upper lip. Then she said:

"He's got one of those-- what do you call it? Cleft lip, cleft palate."

She then hooked her finger under her lip, mimicking a cleft lip.

Needless to say, a lot of folk were fired up. When are people going to learn? But she said she's sorry and donated (allegedly) money to cleft lip causes. Because that will make it all better. We suggest she just disappear herself.

Jade-Ed

5/24/2019

Offenders for the week ending May 24, 2019:

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#3 WENDY WILLIAMS' SOON-TO-BE-EX KEVIN HUNTER

Divorce can be a messy business. But don't involve the children. No matter what their age may be. Kevin and his son with Wendy, Kevin Jr, went to a store close to their home to pick some things up. Cool. What wasn't cool is that the man and his 18-year-old son got into a physical altercation in the parking lot. But, daddy won't be pressing charges.

"I love my son very much and I will not be pursuing this matter legally. Things are not how they appear."

What appearance is that? That you're trying to influence your son to turn on his mother by saying she's a brainwasher? Not cool. The kid is grown and able to make a judgement call on his own. Perhaps he's not cool with you cheating on his mom and fathering a love child. Ouch.

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#2 ELLE FANNING

We get it. When you've got to look on-point, you do what's necessary. Hello, Spanx! But this is taking it too far. Elle fainted during a dinner at the Cannes Film Festival. Why? Because girlfriend's vintage Prada dress was too tight.

"Oops, had a fainting spell tonight in my 1950's Prada prom dress but it's all good!"

She says she was bloated because Aunt Flo was in town. We feel ya. We gain five temporary pounds every month. It sucks. But so does squeezing yourself into a dress that's going to cut off your circulation, dumbass. There aren't any vintage pant suits?

Here's a thought-- wear something else!

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#1 OLIVIA JADE

This spoiled, bratty, unappreciated little bitch is now all whiny and crying and wanting to go back to college. The same college that her parents (actress Lori Loughlin and fashion designer Mossimo Giannulli) cheated and lied to get her into. The same college that she previously didn't care about going to.

"She didn't get officially kicked out and she is begging the school to let her back in. She knows they (USC) won't let her in, so she's hoping this info gets out. She wants to come out looking like she's changed, learned life lessons and is growing as a person, so she for sure wants people to think she is interested in her education."

That's laughable. Born-privileged people who are douchebags never change their douchebag ways. Because they don't have to. The same chick that doesn't have the goods to get into school has no need for school, not when you're a "social media influencer" making stupid amounts of money. The life lesson? Don't get caught. This is the same 'gina wad that wouldn't talk to her mom because she "ruined my life!"

Here's a lesson for you: shut your legs, open your mind, zip yo lip and f&ck off. Capisce?

Dingbats & A Douch*bag

2/15/2019

Offenders for the week ending February 15, 2019:

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#3 CARDI B

It's probably time to make you a Lifetime Member of the slap list, because I think you've made it three out of the past four times. She's just so airhead-ish. She's made the list several times, for saying she had butterflies in her vajayjay (uh, that's 'stomach'). to sharing her cravings for her cheating man's 'sausage', and now... thanking Tom Petty for sending her flowers after her Grammy win.

Wait. He died in 2017. Or did he?

"Thank you Tom Petty for the flowers. I left the room but the flowers were very big. I want to say thank you so much... and the beautiful note."

The note with her flowers read:

"You've got a big heart. so big it could crush this town."

Those are lyrics from the song "Walls (Circus)".

Oops. First of all, again-- he's passed. Second, I'm not sure Cardi even knows who Tom Petty is/was.

Thanks for the laughs, girl. Just keep eating that leather.

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#2 DINA LOHAN

Back in the day-- and in some cases, today-- people got married to each other via arrangement. No courting. No Tinder. No preview-the-package. Just cross your fingers and hope it would all work out. In the modern era, we usually court. Date. Bang. Whatever. This mother of Lindsay has been dating a man for five years. A man she has never met. What the AF?!? She hasn't even FaceTimed him. The Celebrity Big Brother cast member told fellow houseguests:

"I can't wait to tell you about this guy. I've been talking to him for five years... You know when you talk to someone on the phone, like you feel like you know them?"

Uh-huh. Dingbat claims he's real and the reason why they haven't met is because he cannot leave San Francisco to visit her in New York. Because he's taking care of his mother.

"I swear to you he's real. I swear, it's crazy. But i'm going to marry him. It's really, really true. I talk to his mom!"

Okay. So you can't go visit him?

We smell a Catfish here. Or, she's just delusional. Maybe a little from column A and B! If you haven't seen a "picture" of "him" and he "doesn't have an iPhone" so you can't FaceTime, yeah... true love!

I think it's safe to call this chick 50 Shades of Dumb.

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#1 DRAKE

Beefin' with Kanye. Talkin' smack about everyone. And now spittin' in the face of the Grammys. Dude took home some hardware last weekend. And as most celebs, turned his speech into a bunch of self-righteous drivel:

"It's like the first time in Grammys history where I actually am who I thought I was for a second, so I like that. I definitely did not think I was winning anything... I want to let you know we play in an opinion-based sport, not a factual-based sport. It is not the NBA, where at the end of the year you're holding a trophy because you made the right decisions or won the games."

Then he was accidentally cut off. Because he had rambled and then paused. Oh, well. In previous years, Drake has bitched about his lack of acceptance by the Grammys:

"If I ever feel like an outsider, it's usually because I'm not American... I guess maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have quite an eclectic makeup. I am mixed, I am Jewish... at the end of the day, when it comes to everything else, I'm black."

F&ck off. This country is comprised of all kinds of people. And I'm so tired of the race card. Guess what? You don't see any Asians being made famous in movies, TV or music? Guess "yellow" ain't the right color? Where's the equality? Go cry on your millions of dollars and multiple trophies about how friggin' unfair life is. Most of all, just zip your pouty lip and maybe go back to Canada!

Holy Groper

9/7/2018

Offenders for the week ending September 7, 2018:

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#3 WILLIAM SHATNER

Why, Hold....A...................Grudge? In the pop culture icon's new book, he tells how he has no idea still why he a Leonard Nimoy fell out way back in 1995. Nimoy died in 2015, and Mr. TJ Hooker was slammed by fans for not attending the funeral.

"I loved Leonard, and he used to refer to me as his brother. Yet at the end of his life and for reasons I still don't know, he was not my friend. He died and I didn't feel welcome at his funeral."

Here's a thought: you should've been the bigger person. So he didn't return your calls. Did you know where he lived? Did you reach out to mutual friends, to family? Sigh.

As every parent has said: "This (slap) is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you." Oh, Shat...

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#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Girl, what in the AF are you thinking? Marrying that cheatin' man of yours? Please. Don't. Tristan and Khloe are talking about getting engaged!

"Khoe and Tristan are doing better than anyone could have expected."

Really. So they're talking "engagement." What about marriage? You know, that thing that's supposed to be about forever. And... did you disinfect his ding donger?

"Tristan has promised Khloe he will never betray her again. She believes him."

Was that a pinky promise? Because those can never be broken. I'm sure he's a man of his word. Bwaaa haaa haaa! Unless you put a padlock on his package, who knows what trollop he's gonna hop on when he's on the road. Just thank him for being your sperm donor and get!

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#1 BISHOP CHARLES ELLIS THE THIRD

Grief makes people do inappropriate things, apparently. That's the excuse for grabbing Ariana Grande's boobala during Aretha Franklin's televised funeral-- right? Grief? More like good grief, Fart Munch, Then to make matters worse, he cracked some ridiculous joke to deflect and to apologize:

"Maybe I crossed the border, maybe I was too friendly."

WTF? Crossed the border? Like, "crossed the line". Or were you really wanting to travel "south of the border", wink wink. Too friendly? Uh, too "molestor-y" actually. By the way, he honked the hooter THREE TIMES. Three! To make matters even more mortifying, Slick Willie Clinton was looking poor Ariana up and down like she was a plate of biscuits and gravy. Hurl.

Maybe Bishop Beatoff he was invoking the Ernest Angley Method of Health Diagnosis through man-handling genitalia. Perhaps he was getting a jump-start on Breast Cancer Awareness month and was preforming a rudimentary mammogram. Or better yet, perhaps he's just the Reverend Douchebag.

Either way, you're going to Hell.

Greybar Full House

Jade-Ed

Dingbats & A Douch*bag

Holy Groper

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