Offenders for the week of September 14, 2015:
This week our Slapees receive words of wisdom via poetic triplets...
"F*ck this f*ckin'... everything!"
#3 KRISTEN STEWART
OFFENSE: Offensive
Our favorite mono-emotioned actress showed a bit of spark when recently interviewed. She managed to include the "f-word" in every answer she gave. Though she's actually emoting, I'm not quite sure that's the direction you want to go in. And while the infamous f-bomb is a personal favorite, one needs to save such a potent bomb for the right moment-- whether it be to eviscerate someone or to make them laugh with its usage until they tinkle their pants.
Apparently your vocab is as deep as your acting ability...
For Kristen:
"When all you do is cuss
And make a big fuss
You'll get run over by the PC bus"
OFFENSE: Offensive
Our favorite mono-emotioned actress showed a bit of spark when recently interviewed. She managed to include the "f-word" in every answer she gave. Though she's actually emoting, I'm not quite sure that's the direction you want to go in. And while the infamous f-bomb is a personal favorite, one needs to save such a potent bomb for the right moment-- whether it be to eviscerate someone or to make them laugh with its usage until they tinkle their pants.
Apparently your vocab is as deep as your acting ability...
For Kristen:
"When all you do is cuss
And make a big fuss
You'll get run over by the PC bus"
"Remember the time I wasn't a hot mess? Yeah, me neither."
#2 LINDSAY LOHAN
OFFENSE: Dumb
I was just thinking that it had been awhile since Lindsay made headlines. She's baaaaaack! She canceled a scheduled appearance at the Toronto International Film Festival after going on a bizarre Instagram rant. She called Michael Jackson her only private friend; asked Allah to be forgiven; then attacked some media outlets. She ended her war-and-peace rant-o-rama with this gem:
"... the most beautiful life comes cheap. Stop fighting and using artists for distractions. It's boring... #UnitedNations"
?
For Lindsay:
"When you drink a lot
You don't look hot
And your "cookie jar" starts to rot"
OFFENSE: Dumb
I was just thinking that it had been awhile since Lindsay made headlines. She's baaaaaack! She canceled a scheduled appearance at the Toronto International Film Festival after going on a bizarre Instagram rant. She called Michael Jackson her only private friend; asked Allah to be forgiven; then attacked some media outlets. She ended her war-and-peace rant-o-rama with this gem:
"... the most beautiful life comes cheap. Stop fighting and using artists for distractions. It's boring... #UnitedNations"
?
For Lindsay:
"When you drink a lot
You don't look hot
And your "cookie jar" starts to rot"
"Why can't bad behavior be contributed to some other animal?"
#1 STEVE RANNAZZISI
OFFENSE: Atomic bomb-flaming dbag
The comedian/actor/personal-history-revisionist confessed to lying about fleeing the World Trade Center on 9/11. He claimed he worked for Merrill Lynch when the tower was hit. He said he ran out of the building, called to check on his co-workers, then went on a mission to find his girlfriend. He says the events of that tragic day made him realize his true calling-- entertainment. So, he packed-up and left for Hollywood. Yeah, no records were found to confirm his employment because it was fictional. I guess your true calling is indeed acting, because you told one fabulous tale that everyone fell for. Though he's apologized, it's repulsive to use a tragedy in which so many innocent people lost their lives, and so many brave people are still suffering the ill-effects of that day-- to make you bank. And your wife? She knew. How do you live with that?!?!
For Steve:
"When all you do is lie
Don't be surprised
If you get kicked in the fly"
OFFENSE: Atomic bomb-flaming dbag
The comedian/actor/personal-history-revisionist confessed to lying about fleeing the World Trade Center on 9/11. He claimed he worked for Merrill Lynch when the tower was hit. He said he ran out of the building, called to check on his co-workers, then went on a mission to find his girlfriend. He says the events of that tragic day made him realize his true calling-- entertainment. So, he packed-up and left for Hollywood. Yeah, no records were found to confirm his employment because it was fictional. I guess your true calling is indeed acting, because you told one fabulous tale that everyone fell for. Though he's apologized, it's repulsive to use a tragedy in which so many innocent people lost their lives, and so many brave people are still suffering the ill-effects of that day-- to make you bank. And your wife? She knew. How do you live with that?!?!
For Steve:
"When all you do is lie
Don't be surprised
If you get kicked in the fly"
PHOTO CREDIT:
Kristen Stewart https://www.flickr.com/photos/elhormiguerotv/
Lindsay Lohan https://www.flickr.com/photos/57474870@N03/
Donkey https://www.flickr.com/photos/dfb_photos/
Kristen Stewart https://www.flickr.com/photos/elhormiguerotv/
Lindsay Lohan https://www.flickr.com/photos/57474870@N03/
Donkey https://www.flickr.com/photos/dfb_photos/
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