You Can't Run From Stupid...

Offenders for the week of January 5, 2015:

#3 MADONNA
OFFENSE: Unoriginal
Last century, Madonna was cutting-edge; provocative; ingenious. Presently, not. So. Much. In a series of photoshopped Instagrams, she compared herself to Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr., and Bob Marley-- because they all have a rebel heart. Coincidentally, her new album is named "Rebel Heart." See what she did there? What a joke. Mandela and King are known for fighting against horrible injustices. You, on the other hand, are known for spreading your legs and exposing your elephant-ear-crotchola and proudly 'bobbin' cob' for your record deal. So not comparable. The only struggle you face is how to remain relevant. Please, take your Skeletor arms and go away.

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#2 REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS 'STAR' BRANDI GLANVILLE
OFFENSE: Attention whore
When she's not running her potty mouth, she's throwing drinks on people, and then trying to blame the victim-- not her own insane membrane. She tossed a drink on a co-star then, as an alleged joke, tossed another drink during an interview because she felt insulted. First of all, it's sad we've allowed this piece of used toilet paper to even become a celebrity. Second, you're indeed a crass drunkard who's made a career out of acting like a foul-mouthed slut. If someone calls you a slut (with STDs), then deal. Go roll around in a vat of penicillin and get over it. And by the way, back off the plastic surgery. A goat's bung looks better than your face.

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#1 THE FANS OF KANYE WEST
OFFENSE: WTF!?!?!
A small part of me, like 1/1,000,000th, wants to be a Kanye fan. Because life as a dumbass worshiping a blowhard and fawning over his every move sounds like a blissfully ignorant Utopia. Fans showered him with praise for discovering "fresh, new talent like Paul McCartney". Yeah. That Paul. The dude from the Beatles. But I'm sure his minions think I'm talking about a bug. Why don't you thank Kanye for discovering air, water, and fire while you're at it? I can't wait for Armageddon.

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PHOTO CREDIT: 
Madonna: https://www.flickr.com/photos/robsonsilva/
Creepy Doll: https://www.flickr.com/photos/hahayoyoo/
Kanye & Paul: https://www.flickr.com/photos/urbanboss/