Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Nailed

10/15/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending October 15, 2021:

#3 MEGHAN KING

You can take the girl out of reality TV, but you can't take the reality TV life out of the girl. Why? Because she's the Hot Mess Express, and is proud of it! Her latest doomed move? Getting married after just a few weeks of dating. Megs has tied the knot with President Biden's nephew, Cuffe Owens.

First of all, what the f*ck kind of name is Cuffe!?!? It means glove... which I hope he uses the love glove so there aren't any more cuffers running around. But I digress. Megan said the two of them clicked on a dating app, they spoke on the phone for five hours, she flew to St. Louis to meet him, and the rest is history. Thank goodness her divorce from former MLBer Jim Edmonds was just finalized.

I'm sure his being the nephew of the Prez had nothing to do with your smitten-ess....

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#2 DEMI LOVATO

She has gone from cool to tool quickly. I'm glad that she has a platform and feels empowered to speak on behalf of those she feels are slighted, but many times she's misguided and acting-out because she's triggered. And her latest battle? We all need to stop calling aliens, aliens. You know, the green or grey creatures we imagine that are from another realm. She feels that it's offensive to describe other possible life forms as alien. By one definition, alien:

"belonging or relating to another person, place or thing... belonging to a foreign country or nation."

Offensive. Demi says:

"I think that we have to stop calling them aliens because aliens is a derogatory term for anything. That's why I like to call them ETs!"

I see what's going on here. You're one of them. With that, ET phone home and get outta here!

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#1 ERIKA JAYNE

This poor (maybe literally) cast member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is so tragic-- the collateral damage of her ancient lawyer-husband's scheme of robbing his clients of settlement money (and then spending it on her lavish lifestyle). She had no idea her hubs was bilking people! (wink, wink) And now, she can't take it anymore. She has publicly put on her martyr hat, and has even dared to compare herself to Jesus.

A fan posted that Erika's lawyer is "undermining the judicial system", adding-- "this is exactly how CHRIST died."

Erika, of course, retweeted the post. Just. Wow. Whether you are a believer or not, Christ stood for many things. None of which Erika stands for. To compare yourself to a holy being, when you should be comparing yourself to a whoring being is repulsive. You're scamming, lying, cheating, gluttonous lifestyle is your choosing. To be caught breaking the law and being immoral is called justice. Not Jesus.

Waiting for the lightning to strike in three, two, one...

Do As I Say

8/13/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 13th, 2021:

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#3 DEMI LOVATO

I had a lot of love for Demi and everything she's gone through. She was such a sympathetic character. And now, frequently slap-worthy. She's dragged so many people and companies on the socials for no good reason, and now-- she's getting dragged back. Demi made public her disgust that people attended Lollapalooza while there's

"still a pandemic happening."

Oh, but guess who was on stage soon after that keyboard vomiting? Yup. She decided to join All Time Low for a tune in front of a crowd of nearly 10,000. That's not Lollapalooza-sized, but.... the virus can still spread, right?

Kindly go forth and eff-off.

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#2 R. KELLY

This dude is all about getting off-- in so many ways. Amongst his laundry list of charges is that he knowingly exposed partners to an STI. New York Public Health Law states:

"Any person who, knowing himself or herself to be infected with an infectious venereal disease, has sexual intercourse with another shall be guilty of a misdemeanor."

But his people say, "hold up". R. knew he was packin' the ick. But the argument is that herpes isn't as serious as gonorrhea, so....

It's still a disease-- like you-- dumbass. And you still knowingly transmitted your poison to whomever you could.

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#1 NICK CANNON

After Nick wipes his "d" clean, he apparently wipes his hands clean of any responsibility, too. After fathering four babies in less than a year, the people want to know what's up (besides his wango). Nick says it's simple. He's rebelling...

"That's a Eurocentric concept... the idea that you're supposed to have this one person for the rest of your life. The idea that a man should have one woman... We shouldn't have anything. I have no ownership over this person."

No one said you did. Commitment to one person is what we're talking about. Monogamy. Pfffft. This guy is plain and simply a horn dog who gets off (so to speak) on being virile. And according to Cannonfucious, this whole baby-making thing is on the woman.

"Those women, and all women, are the ones that open themselves up and say, 'I would like to allow this man into my world and I will birth this child. It ain't my decision. I'm just following suit."

"Those women?" You mean your "baby mommas". Plural. So because no one believes in contraception or disease protection, and a woman decides to accept your sperm, she is the one who accepts the responsibility and/or consequences?

Nice try spinning this like you're some evolved creature. HA! For the record, he was seven kids with four different women. And he apparently ain't gonna stop.

Triggered Much?

6/4/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 4, 2021:

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#3 STASSI SCHROEDER, Former Reality TV Star/Still Tone Deaf and Out of Touch

It's rough when you get fired. Ask us real people, who then have to scramble and hustle to make money-- unlike yourself, Pampered Princess. When Stassi got fired from her Vanderpump Rules gig for racially insensitive social media posts, it was a delicious swig of karma. This gal knows nothing but snark, egomania, and treating others like they're less-than. She was so crushed that she had to cancel her big gender reveal because:

"we just weren't in the mood to celebrate in such a big way."

Not in the mood? Perhaps you were more afraid of the potential backlash after stepping in it and getting dragged on the socials. What was that big celebration anyways? Renting a plane to:

"... fly around Valley Village saying either 'It's a Girl' or 'It's a Boy' so our friends could walk out of their houses, and we could social distance and celebrate."

Thankfully, some baker baked a cake. And that was the reveal, along with a modest social media post. So sorry being racist-ish messed-up your plans. FYI: 99.99999999999% of us could care less what is coming out of your vajayjay.

P.S. Hopefully your daughter will grow up to be a wiser, more aware person than yourself.

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#2 DEMI LOVATO

I was all #TeamDemi as she shared her struggles with body image and addiction. But after social media-shaming an ice cream shop for offering sugar-free flavors and virtue-signaling, I had to walk away from your team. And now, Ms. I'm Gonna Tell You All How to Live is pleading to her fans to stop complimenting weight loss online. Because it triggers her.

"... complimenting someone on their weight loss can be as harmful as complimenting someone on their weight gain with regard to talking to someone in recovery from an eating disorder. If you don't know someone's history with food, please don't comment on their body because even if your intention is pure, it might leave that person awake at 2 am overthinking that statement."

Whoa. Pump the brakes. Continue working with your therapist. We'll handle our issues if you'll handle yours. By the way-- your triggers are yours to learn to manage. It isn't our job to tiptoe around everybody because something like air can be a trigger.

P.S. Were you "California sober" when you spewed on social media?

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#1 LARSA PIPPEN

Enjoy the only time you'll ever be #1 in anybody's book, and it's because of your classy behavior (said sarcastically.) This over-the-hill, clout coin seeking, homewrecking ho-bag should really keep all her holes shut. After her lover, NBA player Malik Beasley got entangled in her poon of doom, he woke up and realized he erred. He publicly apologized to his wife (Montana Yao, who he kicked out his home along with their 2-year-old son), and asked for forgiveness.

Sad, but entertaining-- Montana and Larsa traded shots on the socials. But then Larsa had to low blow. Perhaps low-blowing is something she's good at:

"When I thought about him and how he treated your child, he's not the type of man I want around (me). Any man who would deny his child and then leave the mother penniless is not a real man. He cried entirely too much. He's cheap, but then again you never saw any alimony so you already know that."

Is that why things are over? Is it because the great Scottie Pippen (who you're still married to) isn't giving you enough money? Could be the only reason you were gobblin' a man as old as your son... Your dumbass boy toy doesn't want you. Scottie hasn't wanted you for years. And The Kardashians want nothing to do with you. Ouch.

P.S. Thanks for letting everyone know that you have an OnlyFans account. Maybe you can find a new sucker to suck on there.

Show Me the Muffin

10/9/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 9th, 2020:

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#3 MAX EHRICH

DIdn't know much about this dude until he got engaged, and then un-engaged to Demi Lovato. Now, this dude is just feeling his feelings all public and stuff. Demi dropped him two months after they promised to say "I Do". Her people claim that he was using his elevated position in the spotlight to advance his career. Max claims she used him. Oh, snap!

"I thought I found the real deal. Now I found out that I was used. But I hope the song ("Still Have Me") is No. 1 because you know what? If that's what someone wants in the material world, here you go, you have it."

So... Demi dated you, got engaged to you, then dumped you so she'd have fodder for a song? Pfffft. We get it. Your man ego is bruised. Suck it up and STFU!

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#2 LANA DEL RAY

The singer had a book signing over the weekend for her new poetry book, "Violet Bent Backwards Over The Grass", and fans weren't too happy with her meet-and-greet fashion. A mesh face mask. Pretty. But ineffective-- though one fan claimed her mask did have a filter. Oh, sure. I hear the shear filters are the best. (said sarcastically)

But Lana doesn't give two COVID droplets about masks because:

"We were born to die."

Deep... And technically true. But reckless. I get it. You're all intellectual and poetic and more evolved than the rest of us. But actually, you're an idiot. Perhaps "Dumb Phuckus With Head Up Ass" should be the title of your next poetry book...

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#1 MARIAH CAREY

We're disappointed in your memoir, "The Meaning of Mariah." Cuz you've not dished about anything we want to hear about. Like, why you and Eminem hate each other. Or, why you never mentioned your current ex-fiancee James Packer. Sure, your whole premise is:

"If it was a relationship that mattered, it's in the book. If not, it didn't occur."

Just like so many people amongst us, just because you deny it happened doesn't mean it didn't actually happen. But, whatevs. But the biggest shocker was from a recent interview in which she revealed that she and James never knew each other carnally.

WTF!?!?

So. Many. Questions.

Did dude assume that her vajeen is just as golden as her voice, so no test drive needed? Or did Mariah say 'yes' under the premise that she thought she could keep the ring? Oh, wait. She tried to. But he threatened to sue her, so... that failed.

Perhaps the only size she was concerned about was his bank account-- which is porno-size huge.

Leaked

10/2/2020

Offenders for the week ending October 2nd, 2020:

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#3 DEMI LOVATO

They dated for four months before getting engaged. Now, Demi has dumped Max Ehrich after a two-month engagement, which means the relationship burned after six months. Yes, my head hurts over the whirlwind-ness of this deal:

"They were basically together 24/7 for months. They lived in a bubble with zero stress, and everything was just fun. Now they are both working and are on separate coasts. They were having conflicts."

Oh...

"In the beginning, Max was super careful about self-promotion (and ) things with his career, but once they got engaged, he really hit the gas pedal and wanted to make the most out of his career opportunities. He felt more comfortable doing so after they were fiancees and had a little bit more of a leg up."

So, she broke it off. And he found out from a tabloid story!

Come on, girl. I love ya, but you could've at least dumped him via text. If he was a complete asshat, then you should've spelled out "It's Over" with his stuff and then set that shizz on fire...

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#2 VANESSA MARCIL

Maybe she's looking to drum-up some acting gigs... Brian Austin Green's baby mama went public with support for Brian's soon-to-be-ex Megan Fox. She said:

"I actually have respect for how (Megan) is finally living her life for herself & leaving her children out of her public life at this young age."

Cool. But methinks her support is actually passive aggression, because she hates (dick)BAG:

"(he's a) very angry/sad human being who still has too much shame to take full responsibility for his actions as a father."

Damn.

Oh, and then she publicly said she never loved him. Really? Because you were engaged to each other. Perhaps she's still displeased that after her breakup with Brian, he started dating Megan and those two got married. Yes, you had an ugly custody battle. But continuing to drag doesn't help.

Zip it. Your kid will figure out on his own if his dad is a douche or not.

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#1 NENE LEAKES, soon-to-be former Cast Member/Real Housewives of Atlanta

Each of these "Housewives" series has a standout "star". NeNe has worn that crown since Day 1. But, she's no longer on the show (again), so people are talking about it-- like the show creator, Andy Cohen, and her "kind-of best friend" Wendy Williams. Wendy is a frequent slapee, known for opening her big mouth way too wide. She had this to say about NeNe's departure:

"NeNe has quit the show several times and you'll have her back (Andy Cohen). NeNe likes attention, dramatic attention. I don't know what (she's) going to be doing for money."

#Truth. Wendy also said that NeNe is no Bethany Frankel, who was a former New York housewife who turned her brand into a multi-million dollar empire. Well, this set NeNe into full pop-off mode on the socials:

"Both ther f ratings are LOW! Bye QUEENS. She on coaine so they should stop using her to talk! They both need my help with their poor ratings! I have ALWAYS believed in multiple streams of income so the Leakes are good, you ole cocaine head and you ole racist. No one knew you until YOU knew me. Remember I'm ICON."

?

Uhhhmmm... you're no icon. That's for people that have accomplished something worthwhile and memorable. You became famous because of this show. You've been afforded all kinds of opportunities because of Andy Cohen putting you on his show. You were a stripper who married an older man for his money. Then, you became ass-clownic.

Know where you came from and be grateful-- if you're able. It's gonna hurt not making the near-million dollars per episode. Maybe you should get up on that pole again...

What Brown Can't Do For You

7/13/2018

Offenders for the week ending July 13, 2018:

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#3 DEMI LOVATO

Girl, this is a wake-up slap. You've had your shizz together for a while now, but it's time to get off the crazy train.

Last month she severed ties with her rehab peeps, CAST Recovery. Her contract stipulated that she obviously had to remain sober or be let go. Now, she's fired her manager mid-tour:

"She wanted to go in a different direction, and decided to completely sever ties with him... she is focused on surrounding herself with positivity and accountability."

Hope this is the truth... because addicts are usually liars to themselves and everyone around them. Did your manager call you out on some bad behavior that you're in denial about?

I'll give you a seatbelt to keep you on that wagon.

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#2 JUSTIN BIEBER

I'm a gal who loves love. But I don't think it's wrong to start taking bets on how long Justin and Hailey Baldwin will be married for-- that is, if they actually make that trip down the aisle. Because they've been on-again-off-again throughout their relationship history.

Justin proposed during dinner at a Bahamian restaurant. Awwww! His daddy is so happy for his boy. He tweeted:

"@justinbeiber Proud is an understatement! Excited for the next chapter!"

Sure Justin has matured. He went to church and stuff and doesn't browbeat and humiliate his women anymore! Whatever. I'm confused though. You told your ex, Selena Gomez, you loved her last month-- and now you're engaged. And recently, your fiancee said you two are better as friends-- and you still proposed?

If you do tie the knot, please do not reproduce for a long while. We have enough hot messes on this planet.

"Baby/Baby/Baby/Nooooooo!"

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#1 CHRIS BROWN

Doesn't this set of dildo lips have as many arrests now as he's had hit songs?

There was a warrant out for his arrest. And it happened in Miami recently. He's accused of punching a photographer during a club appearance. I'm sorry, but you're still a popular artist (why, I don't know.) People are going to take your picture. In fact, that's what you want them to do. You know, for publicity and stuff.

Let's run down sperm rag's rap sheet:

1. 2009: Beating up Rihanna

2. 2016: Pointing a gun (allegedly) at a lady friend admiring your jewelry at your home.

3. 2017: Punching that photog (allegedly) in da club.

4. 2018: A woman was raped (allegedly) by two of your friends during a party at your home.

5. 2018: A woman granted a restraining order against your lame ass after you punched her.

At least you had a nice little seven-year stint of minimal douchebaggery. But you can't deny what you are genetically-- a waste. Would love to see you fight mano-a-mano with someone equally matched. Or better yet-- just stop breathing. Problem solved.

Nailed

Do As I Say

Triggered Much?

Show Me the Muffin

Leaked

What Brown Can't Do For You

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