Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
The slap hand is taking a rest this week. But that doesn't mean YOU can't slap a celebrity! Who do you want to "slap" and why? Don't be shy...
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Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending July 23rd, 2021:
#3 SPIKE LEE
He pulled a Steve Harvey x 100 at the Cannes Film Festival. He accidentally announced "Titane" as winner of the Palme d'Or-- which is the big prize-- before all the other prizes.
Duh! That's like announcing the Best Film award at the Oscars at the beginning of the broadcast. Wait, that might be a good thing... Anywho, Spike is really sorry for the epic eff-up: "I have no excuses. I messed up... It's like the guy at the end of the game who misses the free throw." Dude. You weren't at the end of the game. That's the point. But we get it. You're lucky the French didn't pelt you with cheese and disdain...
#2 LARSA PIPPEN
I thought this THOT had left the building, but she's still out there gettin' pub as one of the Real Housewives of Miami. Whatever. But do you still need to talk about your affair with the very married NBA baller Malik Beasley? Oh, yeah. That's the only storyline you have....
She's opened her flaps again to share that she wouldn't get back with Malik if he tried to woo her. Uhhhmmmm, okay: "(Larsa) has not been in communication with Malik and is unaware of what he's been up to... She has vowed she would not get back with him and would never take him back if he tried getting back with her. She's completely moved on and is enjoying being single again." You're assuming he wants you back, after you disparaged his manhood and dating style publicly. Of course, he is a POS, but... Actually sounds like you two deserve each other. Maybe you two should reunite for a reality TV show called, "The Hoe and The Hopeless."
#1 CHRISSY TEIGEN
Chrissy is all upset, afraid that she's been put in what she calls the "Cancel Club." She's all sad and depressed that people have come for her over her well-known bullying of women and people that don't fit her narrative.
"I really don't know what to say here. Just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter s-t in real life. Going outside sucks and doesn't feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race. But I do know that however I'm handling this now isn't the right answer. I feel lost and need to find my place again." Boo f&cking-hoo. Where is your place? Since your perfection of Mean Girl-ism has been reviled, what will you do? Can't tell anyone on the socials (Courtney Stodden) to go 'take a dirt nap." Perhaps you should ask yourself why you feel the need to come for everybody. Why don't you stay in your lane and just talk about your cookbooks and your lifestyle crap? Live your life and let others live theirs. Unless you like wearing the crown of hypocrisy...
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending July 2, 2021:
#3 COURTNEY LOVE
Just when you think this pimple's been eliminated for good, it pops back up. She's all bent that pop artist Olivia Rodrigo's album cover for Sour is quite similar to Hole's 1994 album cover for Live Through This-- which features a brokedown prom queen. Love tweeted:
"Spot the difference! #twinning!" So damn what!?!? Be grateful a 20-something appreciates your music and knows who you are. Love felt that Olivia should've gotten permission first. Because, you know, manners. From the woman who may have killed Kurt Cobain.
#2 MEGHAN MARKLE
Methinks Meghan possesses a poison poonanie, because once the Former-Prince Harry got a slice, he was never the same. I mean, look at all the tea spilled regarding the Royal Family. And Harry is estranged from his pops and bro? It's like Meghan wanted the benefits and exposure that being royalty could provide, without performing the royal duties. Like Harry couldn't have "escaped" the horrors of privilege pre-Meghan? Riiight.
But it appears that Meghan 2.0 has alienated yet another person-- her bestie. Jessica Mulroney posted this gem: "Life changes. You lose love. You lose friends. You lose pieces of yourself that you never imagined would be gone. And then, without even realizing it, those pieces come back. New love enters. Better friends come along. And a stronger, wiser you, is staring back in the mirror." But it's Jessica's fault for getting dragged into some social media fight, blah, blah, blah... that's why there's a rift. And supposedly Jessica is using their friendship for headlines. This sounds like a familiar accusation... Perhaps Meghan was always a stormy bitchfront...
#1 ALLISON MACK
Saying you're sorry doesn't make everything go away. Especially when you recruited women into the NXIVM sex cult. She claims she was brainwashed, and felt that what she was doing was the right thing-- bringing young women to Keith Raniere so they could be mentored. She released a lengthy statement last weekend ahead of her sentencing yesterday, hoping to garner favor from the court. In part she said:
"... those who have been harmed by my actions, it is now of paramount importance for me to say, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.." I'm sure that's true. And I'm sure that she realizes what she did. But... she wants to serve zero jail time. Zero. Why? Because she's a changed person. She's reconnected with her family, works for a catering business, and is pursuing an education at UC Berkeley. So... Good for you. But you aided in the ruining of lives. Even those who cause car accidents that accidentally kill someone still have to answer for that. Zero jail time? Eff you. Fortunately, Allison will spend three years in prison, though it's nearly not enough. She faced 15 years in prison for her misdeeds. Let's see how much time she does, or perhaps she'll skate out of it Cosby-style. This whole thing is disgusting for so many reasons...
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending June 25, 2021:
#3 KELLY DODD, Former Cast Member/Real Housewives of Orange County
There are raging psychos. And there's Kelly-Dodd-raging-psycho. Known for her cut-you-to-the-bone meanness and delusions of whatever, she's been booted from the franchise. But she's going down swinging. She lashed out at also-ran from the O.C., Braunwyn Windham-Burke, and Shahs of Sunset cast member Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi. The beef started when GG dissed Kelly over her firing on social media:
"... out with the a&& and in with the class!" Kelly then shot back that she had no idea who GG was because she never watched that show. Then, GG called Kelly a racist for slamming the "first-ever" show about Middle Easterners on an American network. And in true Kelly fashion, she defended her racism by reminding everyone that she's mostly Mexican and Native American." Oh, and in Kelly Move #2, she's threatening to sue. Can we sue you for being an idiot?
#2 CHRISSY TEIGEN
Our favorite woke-princess-ass pimple remains on the list this week, but slips to number two-- which is fitting, because she's a sh*tty person. After Michael Costello came out last week with his own story of bullying from Titgen, she and her hubs (John Legend) cried foul-- claiming that Michael lied and falsified DMs and emails. Because he has nothing but time on his hands to fake stuff. Possible...
Then, Cameroonian singer Denica claims Bitchy became aggressive with her at the 2016 Grammy Awards-- shoving her twice at the event. Denica's assistant whipped out his phone to record video of Denica-- not Chrissy, who was kind of nearby-ish. Chrissy went all I'm-a-famous-person-don't-look-at-me-unless-I-want-you-to crazy and tried to grab the phone, pushing the assistant and Denica. After Denica was done walking the red carpet, Chrissy shoved her again. Yes, Chrissy. You're famous. But really, you're more famous for having big boobs and marrying John. You're not that special. In fact, you're a person that no real person would want to associate with. You're beautiful on the outside, and ugly as sludge on the inside. Keep up your bullying ways, and soon your legend will become felonious...
#1 CARMELO ANTHONY
Why do people get married when they can't keep their genitals to themselves? Seriously. While most of us were sheltering in place last year, Carmelo's ween wasn't in quarantine. He got himself a side chick in New York and got her preggo, using the line that he was married but really single, and that his wife (actress La La Anthony) was "doing her own thing."
Oh, sure. The unnamed woman planned on having an abortion, but Carmelo didn't go to the appointment with her, so... fast-forward to April when she gave birth to twins in London. Why London? Cuz Carm was trying to hide his surprise family. So why not ship them overseas? He put them up in a home, and he's footing the bill-- but, he doesntt want to be involved in any child-raising. Because he has a son with La La. And after rumors of cheating in the past, and this latest "incident", La La has pulled the plug on their 11-year marriage. Carmelo and his "rolo" need to be on lockdown. P.S. Apparently, he's a "baller" in many ways...
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending April 23, 2021:
#3 HARVEY WEINSTEIN
Poor rape-y jailbird is having a tough life behind bars and can't be extradited to L.A. to face more sex crime charges. WAAAAAAA! Why? His lawyer says his client is going blind and is losing his teeth and he's scheduled to have those things fixed, so... Eff that! As long as this douchenozzle can hear and speak, he can physically answer to charges. Unfortunately, this affront to humanity hasn't lost his inadequate cocktail weenie.
Why is he even still breathing?
#2 USHER
Oh, Raymond. Perhaps one of your "Confessions" should be that you knew you were making it rain with fake dollars. But hold on-- it was all a misunderstanding. Usher was visiting Sapphire Las Vegas-- he was just there for dinner and drinks, wink wink-- and somebody left behind some "Ushbucks"-- fake money with his own name and face on it-- as a tip. The club's management says Usher paid his tab with real money and left a generous tip-- also in real money.
Supposedly, the Ushbucks were used to promote his upcoming residency in Vegas in July. Sure. I'm thinking some fool in his entourage most likely tried to swing big, but had little cash flow, so why not use the Usher fake money...
#1 ALEX RODRIGUEZ
Really, A-Rod? You can't control your bat, striking out with Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer. Lopez. After four years of coupling, these two are finished-- thanks to Alex's penchant for swing at whatever curve ball comes his way. And you ruined it all for a reality TV star that you didn't even sleep with!?!?!
Sources say JLo doesn't trust him, and she can't live that way. The two are amicable, as they need to find a way to separate their businesses and real estate. What's really unfortunate? Their children (from separate relationships) are all around the same age. and are best friends. They will suffer the most. How many muffins can you slam, Asshat? P.S. Jennifer-- you knew his reputation. There is no magical vajeen that can stop a poonhound from sniffing around.
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending April 2, 2021:
HONORABLE MENTION: Machine Gun Kelly. Dude was cheating on his hot-azz girlfiriend, Sommer Ray, with now-soulmate/girlfriend/effbuddy/equally-hot-azz Megan Fox. MGK and Megan met while filming "Midnight in the Switchgrass". Sommer was allowed to travel to visit the film set. But when MGK was filming the video for "Bloody Valentine," she was told to stay away because of the 'VID. Hhhmmmm...... Megan co-starred in that video, and then the two started dating soon "after". Shame on being a swingin' wangler, Machine Gun. Props though for tryin' to be smart by using COVID as an excuse. An excuse that's believable, until it's not...
#3 THOMAS MARKLE
Can the Queen grant Prince Harry's FIL the title of Royal Wanker? Because he one-thousand percent qualifies. This dude has done nothing but cash in with tall tales about his daughter, Megan. There ain't a dollar he'll turn down to share "his side of the story". And now that Prince Harry and Megan's Oprah interview made some heads explode overseas, as well as stirred the shizz up stateside, well-- Tommy Boy wants his say. Again. Because he feels he was "misrepresented" and wants to clear things up.
So what did he do? He wrote a letter. Took time to actually write a letter and hand deliver it to Oprah's security detail in Monticello. I'm sure Oprah will respond... NOT! Go. A. Way. You're such a POS. Nobody cares about you. You should care about having a real, private relationship with your daughter instead of trying to suckle off her teat for a drop of validation and fame. Sorry. You'll just have to settle for infamy.
#2 JEN SHAH, cast member/Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
The loudest mouth on Bravo's newest "Housewives" show is in trouble with the law. Big time. And it was all caught on video while filming is underway for the second season. Shah and her personal assistant (IE: partner in alleged crime) Stuart Smith are charged in a national telemarketing scheme. According to Homeland Security:
"Shah and Smith flaunted their lavish lifestyle to the public as a symbol of their 'success'. (But) They built their opulent lifestyle at the expense of vulnerable, often elderly, working-class people." Nothing pisses me off more than a dirty thief! Especially those that take advantage of the elderly. Older people have worked their entire lives and have lived a long time. Let 'em be! Both are charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and money laundering-- which could garner 30-year and 20-year sentences. This only proves how dumb these "stars" are. You're on a reality TV show. We have the internet. There are cameras around you! You can't hide your assery! Didn't you learn anything from fellow Housewives Star and fellow felon, Teresa Guidice-- who spent 15 months in prison? All your fake fabulousity won't keep you from prison, bitch.
#1 LIL NAS X
Congratulations. Everyone's talking about you, Lil Nasty. I don't care how you live your life. But most people feel that promoting a bromance with The Devil is not tight-- like in your newest music video. Whether it's satire or not, or art or not-- messin' with Lucifer makes people uncomfortable. Add in some Satan shoes, and you've delivered a one-two punch to a fiery eternity.
Congratulations, Part Two: You've made a pile of cash on your Satan Shoes. You've made more than half-a-million bucks from selling-out 666 pairs at $1,018. Nike is pissed because you bought some Air Max '97s and demoned things up by adding human blood to each pair. Because nothing says cool like wearing blood. And whose blood was used, exactly? Are you some undercover killer with some corpses at your disposal? You rose to fame based on the extreme popularity of "Old Town Road"-- which became a kids' anthem, whether you liked it or not, despite your argument that the song has adult themes to it. Oh, but you liked the fame and notoriety. Now that parents are upset at you, you're flying your big ol' middle finger: "U decided to let your child listen. blame yourself. I am an adult. i am not gonna spend my entire career trying to cater to your children. that is your job." But you have no problem dictating and indoctrinating what you feel is important to said children. Okay. You may not believe in a Higher Power, but most people believe in karma and reaping what you sow. What you've gained now is nothing. Why don't you really express your artistry and cutting-edge bullsh&t by doing something... religious? Oh, because spiritual stuff is stuffy but devil stuff is cool. Enjoy that stripper pole ride to Hell... and the surprise party waiting for you.
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:
#3 MAMA JUNE
Trash is in the genes. Seems that way with this one. She rose to reality TV fame while pimping-out her daughter, Honey Boo Boo on the child pageant circuit. Then, came a string of reality shows for the matriarch. From extreme weight loss, to severed relationships with some of your daughters (for dating the man that raped one of them), to drug charges and living in your car (you had a beautiful home with all that reality money.) And now, yet another TV show "Mama June: Road to Redemption." In which she dishes about living in her car with her deadbeat, druggy BF:
"We were staying in Jackson, Georgia. We weren't using because we didn't have any money." Thank goodness. Because who's taking care of Honey Boo Boo? She's only 15. Hopefully, you're woke now. And not in a political way-- but in a real life way. You had $750,000 that you put up your nose. Shame on you. Kick the trash to the curb and kick it out of your soul, woman!
#2 KYLIE JENNER
Raise your hand if you're tired of entitled brats who lack awareness? Yup. The billionaire took some major heat for promoting a celebrity makeup artist's GoFundMe. She told her sheep to donate to Samuel Rauda's fundraiser after he was involved in a serious accident that required surgery. She did pitch-in $5,000 towards the $120,000 goal. But... you've worked with this dude before. You've spent a minimum of $100,000 grand on your baby's birthday party. You could've easily covered this person's expenses. But no. Just ask the zombies to spend money they don't have because they have bigger hearts than your fake lips.
She was called out on the socials: "If I was as rich as Kylie Jenner I simply wouldn't ask ppl on the internet to donate for my best friend's brain surgery but we all built different I guess." "How come Kylie Jenner isn't paying her makeup artist enough to afford a $60,000 surgery?" Guess you don't get rich by spending money. Unless it's for something you can socialbrag about.
#1 BILL COSBY
This. Mother. F&cker. He thinks he's getting out of prison soon. In fact, the 83-year-old rapist expects to be free to drop pills in drinks as early as next month. So confident this one is, he's refused to participate in sexual predator counseling sessions:
"Just a few days ago they came to him and asked if he would go to those counseling courses for being a sexual violent predator and he said 'No. I am not guilty of this and I am not going to any courses. By attending those courses, I am admitting guilt.'" Sixty (60) women came forward, accusing you of drugging and raping them over the past 40 years. But they're all lying, right? It was all consensual, right? That's right. They couldn't say "no" because they were drugged. Just because you don't believe what you did was wrong doesn't mean it wasn't. You're just a scumbag, like other scumbags, except you're scummier because you've got money to pay people off and stroke your... ego. I hope you die behind bars with a pudding pop in your pipe.
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:
#3 KHLOE KARDASHIAN
Khloe made a goal-- reunite with her baby-daddy Tristan Thompson for his 30th birthday. Well, she did! And now she's wearing a rather large rock on that finger. Sigh. Yes, you share a 3-year-old daughter. Yes, you want to have another baby with Tbag. But... do you really trust the dude that cheated on you with your sister's best friend? He's saying and doing all the right things right now. But when he's out on the road playing ball, who's playing with his balls?
His snake cannot be caged. Nor does he want it to be. I mean, look at who's Number Two on this list as a prime example...
#2 ALEX RODRIGUEZ
What in the actual f&ck is wrong with you!?!? You are engaged to Jennifer-Friggin'-Lopez. Four. Years. Together. And Little ARod can't stop panty sniffing. You're a complete idiot. If you're going to jeopardize your relationship, could you at least not dip your wick into the reality TV ho-bag pool? While Madison LeCroy of Southern Charm is hot, she's no JLo! Sexting some THOT for funsies is just stupid. What are you trying to prove? That you've still got it? You will always "have it" because you're ALEX RODRIGUEZ. The Dead Sea Scrolls can't contain all the women you've wanged over the years.
I'm glad you and JLo are "working it out". Y'all are most likely working out splitting your assets while she's resisting splitting your ass in half with her Louboutin-adorned foot. Wake up! Put your c*ck on lockdown before you ruin everything...
#1 JOSE CANSECO
This broke down, steroid-ruined asshat only tops ARod because he's just so played out. What did this fool do? He decided to throw his hat into the ring for JLo's affections. Please. After taking to Twitter to call Alex "the most predictable person on the planet", he decided to shoot his shot for Jennifer:
"(she) needs a man that's by her side 24/7... (and is) older than she is." Age has nothing to do with ARod's wangderlust. But there's more. Jose would.... "fight for (her)..." But... "(I've got) two town shoulders and a bad knee." That's so... not eloquent. Who would want your powder puff penis at this point? Madonna was already there in your prime time. And being all up in that is kind of like walking barefoot through Grand Central. Do us all a favor. Sit down. Shut up. Disappear.
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending March 12, 2021:
#3 KEVIN CONNOLLY
Apparently, he's still living the Entourage life in his mind, because rules don't apply to him! He was caught on camera throwing a tantrum when his widdle Tesla got towed outside a flower shop in L.A. The thing is, he's lucky his car didn't get towed previously, because he's a chronic asshat.
The manager of said flower shop said he keeps parking his car in their parking lot while he's in the next building recording his podcasts. After leaving multiple notes on his car, the shop had enough. The douchehole went into the shop after his car was towed to rant, and now he's permanently banned. Look, fool. They asked nicely. You didn't comply because they're just simpletons and you're an important person, right? Entitled POS.
#2 JANICE DICKINSON
She's always been outspoken, but I think she's just old and grouchy now. Because old people get grouchy. She calls herself the world's first supermodel, so someone asked her about today's supermodels-- like the Hadid sisters and the Jenner sisters. Well, the Crypt Keeper had some feelings:
"No. They're not. They have one look. They don't really diversify their movements. They just stand there and get paid millions of dollars" That's what models do... ? "The models of the 70s, 80s do not compare to the models of today, the Instagram models that get famous and they put into Vogue-- the Kylie Jenners and the Gigi Hadids, and the Bella Hadids." Meow! Maybe you should mentor these subpar models since you're the O.G. After you get your 100th surgery to try to make us think you're not 95.
#1 NICOLAS CAGE
Just stop it. Stop. Getting. Married. Are you trying to one-up Elizabeth Taylor's eight marriages? I get the "I love you forever" and "this time it'll be different" and "we're soulmates". No. You're assholemates. That's what you are. Anyone that knows who you are knows your track record. Methinks your newest wife had to Google who the eff you are because she's 26 and you're 57. Hello, Daddy-Husband! But the two got married on February 16 in Vegas for good reason:
"The date was chosen to honor the birthday of the groom's late father." One of his ex-wives attended the intimate ceremony. Touching. I really think the problem here is that Nic has Yellow Fever. While I applaud his love of my fellow yellow, three (3) of his ex-wives have been Asian. Move on to another country after this one flames out... P.S. If she ever saw Face/Off, she'd probably turn down the proposal...
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Offenders for the week ending February 19, 2021:
#3 Reality TV-er MADISON LECROY of Southern Charm (but that's not her in the GIF)
From spreading to rumors to possibly spreading her home-wrecking legs, this reality TV "star" knows the game-- out of sight, out of mind. So stay in "sight". From rumored affairs with Jay Cutler and A-Rod, and now getting that body tight and right for her prowling and pouncing. At least she admits to all her new plastic surgery-- unlike many celebs. Of course, she said it was not for vanity purposes:
"I never thought I would need, much less want, plastic surgery. However, after giving birth to a 10lb baby eight years ago, I no longer felt confident in my own skin... there are areas that don't quite bounce back to where they were originally." You do you, boo. And apparently anything with a hang-low... I give her an "A" for keeping her name out there. Whether she's a ho or a no, she's getting some pub. That, and maybe a disease. Who knows? P.S. Is a vaj rejuv next? Cuz we know that's like a 10-wide L.A.-type highway you got going there.
#2 Rapper, MONEYBAGG YO
I don't know who in the af this is. And I'm okay with that. But with a name like "Moneybagg Yo" you deserved to be slapped. But the real reason you deserve to be slapped is your lack of awareness. See, Mr. Yo took to the socials to brag about all the money he's made during these "unprecedented times". You know, a time when people have lost their jobs, can't go anywhere, and some have died. Good times.
"... not gone lie I made a couple of Ms in da pandemic, ion want it to end. I feel like the pandemic help a lot of people." It's helped us? Please drink a water tower-sized portion of STFU. We're all so glad the pandemic hit cuz life was just so sad and boring. The Bag tried to apologize after the socials raged against him, though: "I apologize to everyone I offended my comment was very insensitive it was not my intent to hurt anyone." Apparently, it wasn't your intent to use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, but you made your pile so, whatevs.... I really think your name should be Dickbagg Tho
#1 GWYNETH PALTROW
I didn't find her irritating as an actress. But as a human and self-proclaimed lifestyle guru, I find her extremely not tolerable. From her pimping "affordable" $3,000 spring wardrobes, to coochie steaming, and candles that smell like her vaj, comes the latest-- a Gwynie designed "intimate massager."
She said she had a lot of time on her hands (so to speak) during the QT, so why not channel some good vibes for her channel? I, frankly, don't want to share any connection with this wench. And secondly, charging $95 for a vibe that looks like a giant lollipop ain't tight. Leave the good times to that Adam & Eve website. Stick to being what you're good at-- a self-absorbed, out-of-touch "elite." It's not that you've really done something offensive to top The Slap this week, except existing in general. You're like a grain of sand in a clam-- but you don't turn into a pearl. You just give the clam an infection... |
About The SlapI lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;) Archives
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