Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

What A-Rod

4/23/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 23, 2021:

#3 HARVEY WEINSTEIN

Poor rape-y jailbird is having a tough life behind bars and can't be extradited to L.A. to face more sex crime charges. WAAAAAAA! Why? His lawyer says his client is going blind and is losing his teeth and he's scheduled to have those things fixed, so... Eff that! As long as this douchenozzle can hear and speak, he can physically answer to charges. Unfortunately, this affront to humanity hasn't lost his inadequate cocktail weenie.

Why is he even still breathing?

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#2 USHER

Oh, Raymond. Perhaps one of your "Confessions" should be that you knew you were making it rain with fake dollars. But hold on-- it was all a misunderstanding. Usher was visiting Sapphire Las Vegas-- he was just there for dinner and drinks, wink wink-- and somebody left behind some "Ushbucks"-- fake money with his own name and face on it-- as a tip. The club's management says Usher paid his tab with real money and left a generous tip-- also in real money.

Supposedly, the Ushbucks were used to promote his upcoming residency in Vegas in July.

Sure. I'm thinking some fool in his entourage most likely tried to swing big, but had little cash flow, so why not use the Usher fake money...

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#1 ALEX RODRIGUEZ

Really, A-Rod? You can't control your bat, striking out with Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer. Lopez. After four years of coupling, these two are finished-- thanks to Alex's penchant for swing at whatever curve ball comes his way. And you ruined it all for a reality TV star that you didn't even sleep with!?!?!

Sources say JLo doesn't trust him, and she can't live that way. The two are amicable, as they need to find a way to separate their businesses and real estate. What's really unfortunate? Their children (from separate relationships) are all around the same age. and are best friends. They will suffer the most.

How many muffins can you slam, Asshat?

P.S. Jennifer-- you knew his reputation. There is no magical vajeen that can stop a poonhound from sniffing around.

Devil's Advocate

4/2/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 2, 2021:

HONORABLE MENTION: Machine Gun Kelly. Dude was cheating on his hot-azz girlfiriend, Sommer Ray, with now-soulmate/girlfriend/effbuddy/equally-hot-azz Megan Fox. MGK and Megan met while filming "Midnight in the Switchgrass". Sommer was allowed to travel to visit the film set. But when MGK was filming the video for "Bloody Valentine," she was told to stay away because of the 'VID. Hhhmmmm...... Megan co-starred in that video, and then the two started dating soon "after". Shame on being a swingin' wangler, Machine Gun. Props though for tryin' to be smart by using COVID as an excuse. An excuse that's believable, until it's not...

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#3 THOMAS MARKLE

Can the Queen grant Prince Harry's FIL the title of Royal Wanker? Because he one-thousand percent qualifies. This dude has done nothing but cash in with tall tales about his daughter, Megan. There ain't a dollar he'll turn down to share "his side of the story". And now that Prince Harry and Megan's Oprah interview made some heads explode overseas, as well as stirred the shizz up stateside, well-- Tommy Boy wants his say. Again. Because he feels he was "misrepresented" and wants to clear things up.

So what did he do? He wrote a letter. Took time to actually write a letter and hand deliver it to Oprah's security detail in Monticello. I'm sure Oprah will respond... NOT!

Go. A. Way. You're such a POS. Nobody cares about you. You should care about having a real, private relationship with your daughter instead of trying to suckle off her teat for a drop of validation and fame. Sorry. You'll just have to settle for infamy.

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#2 JEN SHAH, cast member/Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

The loudest mouth on Bravo's newest "Housewives" show is in trouble with the law. Big time. And it was all caught on video while filming is underway for the second season. Shah and her personal assistant (IE: partner in alleged crime) Stuart Smith are charged in a national telemarketing scheme. According to Homeland Security:

"Shah and Smith flaunted their lavish lifestyle to the public as a symbol of their 'success'. (But) They built their opulent lifestyle at the expense of vulnerable, often elderly, working-class people."

Nothing pisses me off more than a dirty thief! Especially those that take advantage of the elderly. Older people have worked their entire lives and have lived a long time. Let 'em be!

Both are charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and money laundering-- which could garner 30-year and 20-year sentences. This only proves how dumb these "stars" are. You're on a reality TV show. We have the internet. There are cameras around you! You can't hide your assery!

Didn't you learn anything from fellow Housewives Star and fellow felon, Teresa Guidice-- who spent 15 months in prison? All your fake fabulousity won't keep you from prison, bitch.

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#1 LIL NAS X

Congratulations. Everyone's talking about you, Lil Nasty. I don't care how you live your life. But most people feel that promoting a bromance with The Devil is not tight-- like in your newest music video. Whether it's satire or not, or art or not-- messin' with Lucifer makes people uncomfortable. Add in some Satan shoes, and you've delivered a one-two punch to a fiery eternity.

Congratulations, Part Two: You've made a pile of cash on your Satan Shoes. You've made more than half-a-million bucks from selling-out 666 pairs at $1,018. Nike is pissed because you bought some Air Max '97s and demoned things up by adding human blood to each pair. Because nothing says cool like wearing blood. And whose blood was used, exactly? Are you some undercover killer with some corpses at your disposal? You rose to fame based on the extreme popularity of "Old Town Road"-- which became a kids' anthem, whether you liked it or not, despite your argument that the song has adult themes to it. Oh, but you liked the fame and notoriety. Now that parents are upset at you, you're flying your big ol' middle finger:

"U decided to let your child listen. blame yourself. I am an adult. i am not gonna spend my entire career trying to cater to your children. that is your job."

But you have no problem dictating and indoctrinating what you feel is important to said children. Okay.

You may not believe in a Higher Power, but most people believe in karma and reaping what you sow. What you've gained now is nothing. Why don't you really express your artistry and cutting-edge bullsh&t by doing something... religious? Oh, because spiritual stuff is stuffy but devil stuff is cool.

Enjoy that stripper pole ride to Hell... and the surprise party waiting for you.

B-I-L-L NO!

3/26/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 MAMA JUNE

Trash is in the genes. Seems that way with this one. She rose to reality TV fame while pimping-out her daughter, Honey Boo Boo on the child pageant circuit. Then, came a string of reality shows for the matriarch. From extreme weight loss, to severed relationships with some of your daughters (for dating the man that raped one of them), to drug charges and living in your car (you had a beautiful home with all that reality money.) And now, yet another TV show "Mama June: Road to Redemption." In which she dishes about living in her car with her deadbeat, druggy BF:

"We were staying in Jackson, Georgia. We weren't using because we didn't have any money."

Thank goodness. Because who's taking care of Honey Boo Boo? She's only 15. Hopefully, you're woke now. And not in a political way-- but in a real life way. You had $750,000 that you put up your nose. Shame on you. Kick the trash to the curb and kick it out of your soul, woman!

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#2 KYLIE JENNER

Raise your hand if you're tired of entitled brats who lack awareness? Yup. The billionaire took some major heat for promoting a celebrity makeup artist's GoFundMe. She told her sheep to donate to Samuel Rauda's fundraiser after he was involved in a serious accident that required surgery. She did pitch-in $5,000 towards the $120,000 goal. But... you've worked with this dude before. You've spent a minimum of $100,000 grand on your baby's birthday party. You could've easily covered this person's expenses. But no. Just ask the zombies to spend money they don't have because they have bigger hearts than your fake lips.

She was called out on the socials:

"If I was as rich as Kylie Jenner I simply wouldn't ask ppl on the internet to donate for my best friend's brain surgery but we all built different I guess."

"How come Kylie Jenner isn't paying her makeup artist enough to afford a $60,000 surgery?"

Guess you don't get rich by spending money. Unless it's for something you can socialbrag about.

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#1 BILL COSBY

This. Mother. F&cker. He thinks he's getting out of prison soon. In fact, the 83-year-old rapist expects to be free to drop pills in drinks as early as next month. So confident this one is, he's refused to participate in sexual predator counseling sessions:

"Just a few days ago they came to him and asked if he would go to those counseling courses for being a sexual violent predator and he said 'No. I am not guilty of this and I am not going to any courses. By attending those courses, I am admitting guilt.'"

Sixty (60) women came forward, accusing you of drugging and raping them over the past 40 years. But they're all lying, right? It was all consensual, right?

That's right. They couldn't say "no" because they were drugged. Just because you don't believe what you did was wrong doesn't mean it wasn't. You're just a scumbag, like other scumbags, except you're scummier because you've got money to pay people off and stroke your... ego.

I hope you die behind bars with a pudding pop in your pipe.

Jose Cuer-no

3/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Khloe made a goal-- reunite with her baby-daddy Tristan Thompson for his 30th birthday. Well, she did! And now she's wearing a rather large rock on that finger. Sigh. Yes, you share a 3-year-old daughter. Yes, you want to have another baby with Tbag. But... do you really trust the dude that cheated on you with your sister's best friend? He's saying and doing all the right things right now. But when he's out on the road playing ball, who's playing with his balls?

His snake cannot be caged. Nor does he want it to be. I mean, look at who's Number Two on this list as a prime example...

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#2 ALEX RODRIGUEZ

What in the actual f&ck is wrong with you!?!? You are engaged to Jennifer-Friggin'-Lopez. Four. Years. Together. And Little ARod can't stop panty sniffing. You're a complete idiot. If you're going to jeopardize your relationship, could you at least not dip your wick into the reality TV ho-bag pool? While Madison LeCroy of Southern Charm is hot, she's no JLo! Sexting some THOT for funsies is just stupid. What are you trying to prove? That you've still got it? You will always "have it" because you're ALEX RODRIGUEZ. The Dead Sea Scrolls can't contain all the women you've wanged over the years.

I'm glad you and JLo are "working it out". Y'all are most likely working out splitting your assets while she's resisting splitting your ass in half with her Louboutin-adorned foot.

Wake up! Put your c*ck on lockdown before you ruin everything...

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#1 JOSE CANSECO

This broke down, steroid-ruined asshat only tops ARod because he's just so played out. What did this fool do? He decided to throw his hat into the ring for JLo's affections. Please. After taking to Twitter to call Alex "the most predictable person on the planet", he decided to shoot his shot for Jennifer:

"(she) needs a man that's by her side 24/7... (and is) older than she is."

Age has nothing to do with ARod's wangderlust. But there's more. Jose would....

"fight for (her)..."

But...

"(I've got) two town shoulders and a bad knee."

That's so... not eloquent. Who would want your powder puff penis at this point? Madonna was already there in your prime time. And being all up in that is kind of like walking barefoot through Grand Central.

Do us all a favor. Sit down. Shut up. Disappear.

Can't Touch This

3/12/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 12, 2021:

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#3 KEVIN CONNOLLY

Apparently, he's still living the Entourage life in his mind, because rules don't apply to him! He was caught on camera throwing a tantrum when his widdle Tesla got towed outside a flower shop in L.A. The thing is, he's lucky his car didn't get towed previously, because he's a chronic asshat.

The manager of said flower shop said he keeps parking his car in their parking lot while he's in the next building recording his podcasts. After leaving multiple notes on his car, the shop had enough. The douchehole went into the shop after his car was towed to rant, and now he's permanently banned.

Look, fool. They asked nicely. You didn't comply because they're just simpletons and you're an important person, right? Entitled POS.

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#2 JANICE DICKINSON

She's always been outspoken, but I think she's just old and grouchy now. Because old people get grouchy. She calls herself the world's first supermodel, so someone asked her about today's supermodels-- like the Hadid sisters and the Jenner sisters. Well, the Crypt Keeper had some feelings:

"No. They're not. They have one look. They don't really diversify their movements. They just stand there and get paid millions of dollars"

That's what models do... ?

"The models of the 70s, 80s do not compare to the models of today, the Instagram models that get famous and they put into Vogue-- the Kylie Jenners and the Gigi Hadids, and the Bella Hadids."

Meow! Maybe you should mentor these subpar models since you're the O.G. After you get your 100th surgery to try to make us think you're not 95.

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#1 NICOLAS CAGE

Just stop it. Stop. Getting. Married. Are you trying to one-up Elizabeth Taylor's eight marriages? I get the "I love you forever" and "this time it'll be different" and "we're soulmates". No. You're assholemates. That's what you are. Anyone that knows who you are knows your track record. Methinks your newest wife had to Google who the eff you are because she's 26 and you're 57. Hello, Daddy-Husband! But the two got married on February 16 in Vegas for good reason:

"The date was chosen to honor the birthday of the groom's late father."

One of his ex-wives attended the intimate ceremony. Touching. I really think the problem here is that Nic has Yellow Fever. While I applaud his love of my fellow yellow, three (3) of his ex-wives have been Asian. Move on to another country after this one flames out...

P.S. If she ever saw Face/Off, she'd probably turn down the proposal...

Funbags & Moneybaggs

2/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 19, 2021:

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#3 Reality TV-er MADISON LECROY of Southern Charm (but that's not her in the GIF)

From spreading to rumors to possibly spreading her home-wrecking legs, this reality TV "star" knows the game-- out of sight, out of mind. So stay in "sight". From rumored affairs with Jay Cutler and A-Rod, and now getting that body tight and right for her prowling and pouncing. At least she admits to all her new plastic surgery-- unlike many celebs. Of course, she said it was not for vanity purposes:

"I never thought I would need, much less want, plastic surgery. However, after giving birth to a 10lb baby eight years ago, I no longer felt confident in my own skin... there are areas that don't quite bounce back to where they were originally."

You do you, boo. And apparently anything with a hang-low... I give her an "A" for keeping her name out there. Whether she's a ho or a no, she's getting some pub. That, and maybe a disease. Who knows?

P.S. Is a vaj rejuv next? Cuz we know that's like a 10-wide L.A.-type highway you got going there.

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#2 Rapper, MONEYBAGG YO

I don't know who in the af this is. And I'm okay with that. But with a name like "Moneybagg Yo" you deserved to be slapped. But the real reason you deserve to be slapped is your lack of awareness. See, Mr. Yo took to the socials to brag about all the money he's made during these "unprecedented times". You know, a time when people have lost their jobs, can't go anywhere, and some have died. Good times.

"... not gone lie I made a couple of Ms in da pandemic, ion want it to end. I feel like the pandemic help a lot of people."

It's helped us? Please drink a water tower-sized portion of STFU. We're all so glad the pandemic hit cuz life was just so sad and boring. The Bag tried to apologize after the socials raged against him, though:

"I apologize to everyone I offended my comment was very insensitive it was not my intent to hurt anyone."

Apparently, it wasn't your intent to use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, but you made your pile so, whatevs....

I really think your name should be Dickbagg Tho

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#1 GWYNETH PALTROW

I didn't find her irritating as an actress. But as a human and self-proclaimed lifestyle guru, I find her extremely not tolerable. From her pimping "affordable" $3,000 spring wardrobes, to coochie steaming, and candles that smell like her vaj, comes the latest-- a Gwynie designed "intimate massager."

She said she had a lot of time on her hands (so to speak) during the QT, so why not channel some good vibes for her channel? I, frankly, don't want to share any connection with this wench. And secondly, charging $95 for a vibe that looks like a giant lollipop ain't tight. Leave the good times to that Adam & Eve website. Stick to being what you're good at-- a self-absorbed, out-of-touch "elite."

It's not that you've really done something offensive to top The Slap this week, except existing in general. You're like a grain of sand in a clam-- but you don't turn into a pearl. You just give the clam an infection...

Mr. Massengil

2/12/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 12, 2021:

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#3 BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

The Boss was sauced. It's been revealed that the rocker was arrested back in November at Gateway National Recreation Area in Jersey for having some adult beverage action. He was cited for DWI, reckless driving, and consuming alcohol in a closed area. He's due in court in the next few weeks. Such a shame someone who's recently been virtually signaling is one to behave not-so-virtuously. But such as it is with celebrities and people with fat wallets: "Do as I say, not as I do."

Perhaps he should write an acoustic album of drunken ballads and name it: Booze in the USA. And while you're at it, go ahead and eat a Tunnel of Love-size back of d&cks.

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#2 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

I appreciate and support the notion of redemption. But this dude has a history of slingin' is ding dong around willie nillie-- so to speak. Why subject yourself to potential heartache-- again? It appears the two are back together. She's forgiven him for cheating on her a couple of times and believes he's a changed man.

Okay.

And... it appears they want to give their 2-year-old daughter, True, a sibling. They have the frozen embryos ready to go. That's the best option, Khloe, because history does repeat itself. Get your baby, but toss the baby daddy. Remember: Take your heart out of this equation and keep his hard out of your pants!

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#1 SHIA LABEOUF

The douche extraordinaire finally makes a statement, sort of-- regarding the lawsuit filed against him by FKA Twigs (Tahliah Barnett). As we shared previously, she says she was subjected to physical, emotional, sexual and verbal abuse, courtesy of Shia. Now, he's responded-- through his attorney's prepared statement:

"(Shia) denies generally and specifically, each and every allegation contained in (Tahliah Barnett's) Complaint, denies that (Barnett) has sustained any injury or loss by reason of any act or omission on the part of (Shia), and denies that (Barnett) is entitled to any relief or damages whatsoever."

His lawyers say the charges should be dismissed because "none of the acts alleged were based on sex and/or the conduct was not sexual."

?

She's claiming sexual abuse as well. So... what in the af do you mean? Dude, please. You're a giant steamy turd pile. I know it's hard for you to accept, but you're not a quality human-- if you're human at all.

Not Like Us

2/5/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending February 5, 2021:

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#3 BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN

What's that I'm hearing? Elsa singing "Let it Go"-- which is what you need to do, (tool) B. A. G.

As things seem to be headed towards nuptials for his estranged wife, Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, Brian is dragging his feet on their divorce.

"(Megan) is very serious with MGK and sees him as her soulmate and life partner. Megan would like to wrap it up and get it finished as quickly as possible."

Ah, yes, the good ol' "stall tactic" of "If I can't have her, you can't either."

As much as it hurts, she doesn't want you. Go find your own "soulmate" and "once-in-a-lifetime" partner. Green doesn't look good on you. Get over the envy.

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#2 CHRISSY TEIGEN

Celebrities are not like us, as much as they like to tell us what to do and believe because they used to be like us. "Used to be" is the key phrase. Chrissy tries to stay connected with her followers on the socials by oversharing and by engaging conversation. But if the convo doesn't go her way, well...

Chrissy asked people to tweet: "What's the most expensive thing you've eaten that you thought sucked?" People replied with a variety of things. Then, Chrissy dropped her story:

"One time John (Legend) and I were at a restaurant and the waiter recommended a nice Cabernet. We got the bill and it was $13-thousand. HOW DO (YOU) CASUALLY RECOMMEND THAT WINE. We didn't even finish it and it had been cleared!!!"

And that's when things turned. One person tweeted: "Y'all can accidentally buy a $13-thousand bottle of wine, but most Americans can't afford a $300 emergency." And that's when Chrissy threw a hissy fit. Check out these claws:

"Not everything I say on my twitter is going to be relatable to you because it is my life and my twitter and my stories."

True. But you asked for responses, you unaware, self-absorbed tw%t wrinkle. And... your story was lame. Most people-- even rich ones-- ask how much a bottle of wine is before they give the green light... AND that's the best story you've got? Like, "I spent $10-thousand on some wagyu and it was the size of a quarter." THAT's something to really get p&ssed about.

How 'bout you give yourself a break from social media? (And us in return).

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#1 MARILYN MANSON

Calling this creature a P. O. S. gives pieces of sh&t a bad name. There are no words to describe his horrific and serial killer-esque behavior. His former fiancee, Evan Rachel Wood, has been an advocate for victims of abuse. And she's finally named names. Manson allegedly is the one who horrifically abused her for years. They met when she was 19 and he was 38, and she says he "groomed" her and abused her. Throughout their relationship, Evan says she was brainwashed and manipulated into submission. They split in 2010. And now she says she's no longer in fear of retaliation, slander, or blackmail.

In fact, Manson shared in an interview from 2009 that he wanted to murder Evan. So heartwarming. Four other women have come forward, including Jenna Jameson-- who said she dumped the flaming douchebag after he told her he fantasized about burning her alive. His ex-assistant, Dan Cleary, said he witnessed the abuse of women first hand but said nothing because of "the code". That bullsh*t thing that happens in the entertainment business. Speak up and get blacklisted and lose your job. Keep quiet and keep moving forward (think Bill Cosby x 1 million.)

Former Manson mentor Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails has denounced the ingrown pube in a statement, saying he has been vocal over the years about his "dislike of Manson as a person"-- cutting ties 25 years ago. And Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Borland said:

"... He's not a great guy. Every single thing that people have said about him is f*cking true. He needs to be put in check and needs to get sober."

"Put in check"? Yes. Rehab? Eff that. Rehab is a way for celebrities run an hide and gain sympathy for bad behavior-- without consequence. Manson needs to pay for what he's done (allegedly). No amount of "rehab" is going to change what is in the fiber of his being. In this case, it's a lifetime of evil f*ckery."

He needs to be ejected from the planet, ASAP. A one-way trip to Mars should work. Or, some Old Testament-style punishment. Who's in?

Sixth Senseless

1/29/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 29, 2021:

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#3 PAMELA ANDERSON

Usually, "quitting" isn't encouraged. In this case, you need to quit with the whole "marriage" thing. Pamela just got married for a 6th time. Everyone else is saying five, but she did "marry" Jon Peters last year because she needed someone to pay her debts. Anywho, the latest train down the Pam track is Dan Hayhurst-- her bodyguard. They fell in love during the lockdown. How cliché and convenient. Kinda like the plot for "The Bodyguard"... Surely, they had no prenup because she has no money. But who needs money with all that love floating around?

The intimate ceremony happened on Christmas Eve. No family or friends were present, but everyone gave their blessing. The bride was not wearing white (we're assuming.)

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#2 DALE MOSS, former Bachelorette "winner"

We all knew when Bachelorette Clare Crawley "blew up" the show, leaving four weeks into her season with Dale that things might not (wouldn't) be "happily ever after". Especially after host Chris Harrison did that follow-up interview with the couple and asked what the next steps were and she maniacally squealed: "Baaabieeeeees!" And Dale looked like a deer in headlights.

Last week, Dale and Clare called it quits because they basically weren't on the same page. According to Clare, Dale's public statement of their split was the first time she heard they had split. Say what?

"I was made aware of a 'mutual' statement at the same time you all were, so I've needed some time to really digest this... I am crushed. This was not what I expected or hoped for and am still trying to process this."

If this is true, damn! Not the way to break up with someone. Buuuut, Dale claims both were aware of their issues. This is why you don't try to find "true love" on reality TV.

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#1 IOAN GRUFFUDD

I don't know how to pronounce this guy's name, nor do I care. So let's call him "Dick". Because that's exactly what he is. The "Fantastic Four" star and his wife are finished. Poor Alice Evans was blindsided:

"My beloved husband/soulmate of 20 years, Ioan Gruffudd, has announced he is to leave his family, starting next week. Me and our young daughters are very confused and sad. We haven't been given a reason except that he 'no longer loves me'. I'm so sorry."

He's now your "holemate", honey. As in "asshole".

After two decades, he's walking away? You know this fool probably got some of that "magical" tang and is all lusty and stupid. Good riddance. Dry your tears with all his money and go find a "toy" that will satisfy you without all the drama. Meanwhile, douse your husband's mangina in some honey and let some fire ants crawl all over him....

Tastes Like Chicken

1/22/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending January 22, 2021:

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#3 OLIVIA WILDE

Girlfriend. What in the af are you doing? Throwing away your long-term relationship and family for some fresh wiener... Olivia dumped her fiance, Jason Sudeikis, for singer/actor(?) Harry Styles. I mean, good for you that Harry likes older women (she's 10 years his senior), but to walk from a 9-year relationship cuz you're all smitten with some young bloke you met while on the set of a movie? Pffft. You have two young children with Jason-- who's sadly still believing you'll come back. Look, Harry's stroked your ego and you've stroked his... harry. So... wake up! There will be a time when Harry will tire of your 9 pm bedtime and diaper change.

I get it. It's like having veal. That young, tender meat. It's all delicious and fulfilling until you realize you actually like steak. And then you'll want to go back to steak, and then you'll find all your belongings on the front lawn...

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#2 WENDY WILLIAMS

I don't understand this big mouth's popularity. Because I assume if you still have a TV show, people like you? Wendy strikes me as the type of person you don't want to ever know. Because she's POS-y. A lot. Her brother outed her for not attending their mother's funeral, instead, opting to go to lunch with her ex-husband.

"I don't understand not giving a salute to the one person who was always there and showed you support. How can you not go to the funeral and hold up the one parent and family members you have left?"

Ouch. She did go to the wake. Doesn't that count? Well, Wendy decided to unleash on her brother, publicly:

"... let me tell you something right now. All you are is my brother. You better stop talking the way you're talking, because now it's dripping into my (TV show) comment page. He's pegging me to be a person I'm not. Honey, you don't want me to start pegging you to be the person that you are, with full-blown receipts. I could fill the audience with receipts. By the way, do you like my dress, Tommy? He would like a dress like this... "

So, you want to out your brother as a cross-dresser because you didn't go to your mom's funeral? One's an action, the other is one's identity. Perhaps he's only "a brother" to you because you suck.

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#1 ARMIE HAMMER

This dude. He's been living in denial-ish after some scandalous and scary DMs were leaked, revealing his penchant for cannibalism. Yes. For real. He just admitted that a burner Instagram account, which showed revealing pictures of Armie and drug tests and bikini babes-- is his. He made some comments about Miss Cayman Islands, alluding to some intimate knowledge of her, but then confessed he doesn't even know her and was just trying to be funny. Okay. But are you just trying to be funny about your carnivorous desires? This from his ex-mistress:

Paraphrasing: I want to break and barbecue one of your ribs...

And this DM he sent to one his, whatevers:

"You just live to obey and be my slave. If I wanted to cut off one of your toes and keep it with me in my pocket so I always had a piece of you in my possession..."

There's letting your freak flag fly, and then there's Hannibal Lecter... If these stories aren't true, why did you back out of your latest film?

Maybe there'll be another "Silence of the Lambs" reboot and he can star... Hopefully, dude will never open a restaurant. Wouldn't want to know what the secret ingredient is...

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