Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior - Haus of V

Jade-Ed

5/24/2019

Offenders for the week ending May 24, 2019:

#3 WENDY WILLIAMS' SOON-TO-BE-EX KEVIN HUNTER

Divorce can be a messy business. But don't involve the children. No matter what their age may be. Kevin and his son with Wendy, Kevin Jr, went to a store close to their home to pick some things up. Cool. What wasn't cool is that the man and his 18-year-old son got into a physical altercation in the parking lot. But, daddy won't be pressing charges.

"I love my son very much and I will not be pursuing this matter legally. Things are not how they appear."

What appearance is that? That you're trying to influence your son to turn on his mother by saying she's a brainwasher? Not cool. The kid is grown and able to make a judgement call on his own. Perhaps he's not cool with you cheating on his mom and fathering a love child. Ouch.

#2 ELLE FANNING

We get it. When you've got to look on-point, you do what's necessary. Hello, Spanx! But this is taking it too far. Elle fainted during a dinner at the Cannes Film Festival. Why? Because girlfriend's vintage Prada dress was too tight.

"Oops, had a fainting spell tonight in my 1950's Prada prom dress but it's all good!"

She says she was bloated because Aunt Flo was in town. We feel ya. We gain five temporary pounds every month. It sucks. But so does squeezing yourself into a dress that's going to cut off your circulation, dumbass. There aren't any vintage pant suits?

Here's a thought-- wear something else!

#1 OLIVIA JADE

This spoiled, bratty, unappreciated little bitch is now all whiny and crying and wanting to go back to college. The same college that her parents (actress Lori Loughlin and fashion designer Mossimo Giannulli) cheated and lied to get her into. The same college that she previously didn't care about going to.

"She didn't get officially kicked out and she is begging the school to let her back in. She knows they (USC) won't let her in, so she's hoping this info gets out. She wants to come out looking like she's changed, learned life lessons and is growing as a person, so she for sure wants people to think she is interested in her education."

That's laughable. Born-privileged people who are douchebags never change their douchebag ways. Because they don't have to. The same chick that doesn't have the goods to get into school has no need for school, not when you're a "social media influencer" making stupid amounts of money. The life lesson? Don't get caught. This is the same 'gina wad that wouldn't talk to her mom because she "ruined my life!"

Here's a lesson for you: shut your legs, open your mind, zip yo lip and f&ck off. Capisce?

Beware the Worm

5/17/2019

Offenders for the week ending May 17, 2019:

#3 TLC

I thought TLC was short for The Learning Channel. Why in the name of all things good do we need to learn about Kate Gosselin's love life? Yes. that Kate Gosselin. The one infamous for her previous show Jon & Kate Plus 8 and then Kate Plus 8, then some other show. The woman who added sextuplets to her twins. We got to watch these folks become celebrities while their marriage fell apart, and prayed those eight children would grow up relatively unscathed. Now, TLC must feel a need to rhyme again with Kate Plus Date.

The premise? Two matchmakers set Kate up on fun dates, while her twin daughters chime-in. Kate, with her not-so-warm-and-friendly-personality, on blind dates? Sigh. I get it. Since her ex-hubby had a midlife crisis and decided to bang 20-year-olds and ditch his engineering job to become a club DJ, Kate needed to hustle to support eight kids. The only way to make big cash is to stay public. But we really don't need this show, TLC. She can go write another book or something.....

#2 BLAC CHYNA

You can take the girl out the hood, but you can't take the hood... you know what I mean. Blac is accused of threatening her hairdresser with a knife. Damn! B.C says she got fired up because the stylist threw cans at her car(?) Well, the stylist may have a good reason for "canning" Blac. The "celebrity" apparently owed some money and refused to pay. Mizz Nasty has a long history of law-breaking:

Public intoxication and drug possession; domestic incidents; arguing with people she owes money to... and on, and on.

Here's a thought. If you owe somebody money, you need to pay them! Imagine you doing whatever you do that's made you famous and not getting paid. Yes, all those babies you pop out for money from your baby daddies. You wouldn't stand for lack of "child support".

Calm down, girl.

#1 DENNIS RODMAN

I'm starting to think he got the nickname "The Worm" because he's the worm in the bottle of tequila- drunk and useless. In between slumber parties with Kim Jong Ick, Dennis may be occupying his time with... theft. Allegedly. Supposedly, Dennis helped three female friends rob a store of some yoga pants. Here's what happened: The trio walked into a store, Rodman distracts employees by talking to them. His friends proceed to help themselves to yoga gear.

But Dennis says this story is totally inaccurate. He said he and his friends were hired to help move a $2,500 crystal art piece at the store, and the yoga items were payment. But, the surveillance video shows something different. Mr. Helping Hands said:

"I tried to help... as the good person I am. Am I going to jail? No."

Rodman was allegedly drunk at the time of the incident-- which he denies. Also, that crystal art piece? They dropped it on the floor. Oops.

If there were a Ultimate Hot Mess Award, this asshat would win hands down. Or would that be hands on... the goods?

Go Back to Canada

5/10/2019

Offenders for the week ending May 10, 2019:

#3 KATY PERRY

Ah, the Met Gala. That's wear all the famous people show up in costumes based on the year's theme for the event. An event I'll never be invited to because I have no fashion sense. Of course, it seems like a lot of famous people don't have fashion sense. But whatevs. While I appreciate Katy's fun persona, I found it ironic she decided that one of her "looks" of the evening would be a big burger costume. Outrageous wins, so maybe that was the goal. All I could think about was why a burger costume? There are way better costumes you could've chosen. But I guess what I find amazing about her choice is because of the irony. It's quite fitting because Katy has had a lot of "beef" in her history, so there's that.

P.S. I don't want to know what the special sauce is...

#2 JOHN CENA AND NIKKI BELLA

Social media is truly reality TV. And it's the perfect outlet to post without thinking. John Cena and his ex-fiancee Nikki Bella are taking their fighter-ways out of the ring and into the Twittersphere.

John tweeted: "Beware those who think you owe them happiness at the expense of your own well being."

To which Nikki tweeted: "When you don't give him what he wants, he will delete you, silence you, manipulate you, do what he can to destroy you, but turn that hurt into strength. Take the high road and prevail! Happiness can't be bought, it is priceless. It's your true secret weapon. N."

Nice try at trying to be vaguely classy. You both are just one "bye, bitch" comment from entering hot mess Mama June territory. Nobody wants that.

#1 JUSTIN BIEBER

Isn't there a saying: "Douches of a feather flock together" or something like that. Our most loathsome Canadian import decided to verbally vomit on Insta to defend his bro, Chris Brown. Yeah, that Chris Brown. The woman beater.

"Everyone wants to wait til people die To give them the credit they deserve. I'm calling it now when CB passes away after a long full life, you will miss what you had in front of you the whole time... trust me watch you will see... the people who have over looked this mans talent because of a mistake he made... you need to reevaluate! Love you @chrisbrownofficial."

A mistake? You mean a repeated "mistake" of beating women. I can tell you I won't care when he drops off the planet. To me, he already has. Chris Brown had a potentially amazing legacy, being compared to Michael Jackson. But this is how life works: a pile of misdeeds overshadows talent. Especially since your douche-y friend is not apologetic nor sorry for his past "mistake". Just like you're not sorry for treating people like crap. Because you two are equally a jackhole.

Where's a muzzle for this ingrown dick pimple?

Spoiled Meat

4/26/2019

Offenders for the week ending April 26, 2019:

#3 TAMRA JUDGE AND KELLY DODD, castmates on the Real Housewives of Orange County

The only qualification needed to be a "real housewife" of any of the franchises has nothing to do with wife-ing. Catfighting. That's the only thing you need to be able to do. These two cougars who were friends, then weren't friends, then were, are not now. The two refuse to film with each other after a terrible fallout. Kelly allegedly pushed her own mother down a flight of stairs. At least that's what Tamra is claiming.

"Kelly has had some issues with her family in the past, but she has never pushed her mother down the stairs. Her mother even said that on-camera..."

Kelly is known for her hot-temper and going for the jugular. Wouldn't be surprised if she did push her momma down some steps. Bitch has anger issues. And Tamra... well, she's been known to drop a bomb or two.

Anywho, these two need to chill. But I guess if you're counting on a paycheck, you need to make some drama. Happy clawing!

#2 MEGAN FOX

For whatever reason, the actress shared a silly photo of Shia LaBeouf from the set of Transformers-- a movie in which the two starred in. The caption from Megs was so sweet:

"Once upon a time 13 summers ago..."

Awwww. The two dated 13 years ago. But she's married now. And someone's momma. While this wasn't a cozy picture of the two of them, there were no other pics you snapped from Transformers that you could've shared to commemorate your entry into Hollywood?

Not cool. No matter how open you and your mister are about past liaisons, why share it? Yes, you're a celebrity. And yes, your dalliances have been archived and displayed in the media. There's no need to rehash. My hubs knows all about my exes, but I would never think of sharing a memory picture of any of them. If I even have any pictures of those fools...

#awkward #tacky #exforareason #respectyourspouse

#1 VINNY GUADAGNINO, castmember of Jersey Shore

During a recent interview, Vinny was asked what his "body count' number was-- as in, how many babes did he "bag" over the years. His response:
"I really have no idea... more than 100 and probably higher than 500. It could be over 1,000."
Vurp.
"You've got to understand, I've done these, like club appearances when I was on the show. So, like, three nights a week you're in a different city, traveling around the country, things happen.

OMG! You don't win a prize! You don't get a gold medal for Poon Pilfering! You get an angry, warted "rooster" that wants to beat the ever-loving sh&t out of you for abusing him!

"But I've slowed down a lot. Like now, I'm going back to my room, going to watch Netflix -- I want to just chill, I don't want to be in bed with somebody if you don't want to wake up to them the next morning and talk to them."

I'm surprised your Richard hadn't filed for divorce years ago!

Your name should be Weenie Gangreendingo...

Becky With the Bad Move

3/22/2019

Offenders for the week ending March 22, 2019:

#3 SHEP ROSE, Southern Charm cast member

What is it with rich folk? Yes, they don't live in reality. Nor do the have to deal with reality. Usually. This born-into-privilege reality TV star got booted out of an event for acting a fool-- just like the rest of us! Look-- he has something in common with common toolbags!

Shep (total rich person name-- LOL) hit up The Players Championship Friday at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL. He had an awesome view of the 17th hole from inside the Dye Pavilion VIP tent. So, he acted like an assh*le, gettin' crunk. He was belligerent and pestering guests. If that weren't enough, he thought he'd bust-a-move-- blocking everyone's view. One woman wasn't havin' none of that mess, so she asked Shep to leave. He said no. That's when the popo came in and escort him away without incident.

For the sake of humanity and your liver, get your drinking under control!

#2 MAMA JUNE

This creature is the reason why Americans are hated. We've glorified white trash and made her a celebrity. Yes, out of curiosity I've watched some of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo and her weight loss reality show, Mama June: From Not to Hot. Yes, I regret losing precious brain cells and moments of my life that I can no longer recover. But I've learned my lesson.

This P.O.S. has bumped her "briar thicket" with a known pedophile-- a pedo that had molested one of her own daughters. And now, this wealthy P.O.S. has been charged with drug possession. Her equally repulsive boyfriend, Eugene Doak has also been charged. The two have been dating for three years, and they want to make it legal.

Perhaps they can get married in their matching orange jumpsuits.

Mama Dumb further proves that you can lose one of your necks, but you can't lose your redneck ways.

#1 LORI LOUGHLIN

If I were Lori's attorney, I'd be telling her to STFU! The more she flaps her lips in an attempt to curry favor, the more damage she creates. First of all, she's all bent because Hallmark fired her because of her alleged college admissions cheating scandal. Hallmark is the feel-good-vanilla channel. Well, she missed John Stamos' wedding because of Hallmark. They owe her!

"They were taking Candace (Cameron Bure) and I-- all the Hallmark executives were taking us to the Super Bowl... we already committed to that."

Waaaaaah! Your privilege, again, got you somewhere not many else can go. You probably don't even like football!

Then, she opened her pie hole and tried a different approach... through a "source".

"Lori is a really great mom who is completely into her kids and family life. She lives and breathes for her husband and children... Her intentions were pure."

You know what? Let's let this one pass then. NOT! She loves her spoiled brat kids who give zero f*cks about even going to college. Her intentions may have been pure, but her (alleged) actions of paying someone to doctor test scores and photoshop pictures is cheating and illegal. A 5-year-old could tell you that those actions are wrong. With this logic, I guess I could physically slap all these offenders because my intentions to give them a "wake up call" is pure. So, no assault charge for me!

Seriously, we need to stuff a bag of sweaty ones in her mouth to shut her up. The excuse-making is insulting to those of us with sense.

A Bunch of Bad "Roosters"

12/22/2017

Offenders for the week ending December 22, 2017:

Though I'm sure some offensive celeb behavior will occur before the end of the year, this will be our last slap of 2017. The slap hand deserves some gifts and a break in preparation for 2018-- which I'm sure will be memorable.

#3 MARIO BATALI

Hey! I've raised my hand and admitted to sexual harassment. Good for me! So, I should be able to resurrect my career ASAP!

I give the chef props for owning up to his bullsh*t. But, you need to let things breathe before you try to win back the public. While we appreciate another apology written in your weekly newsletter, what we don't appreciate is adding a P.S. Especially when said P.S. is to pimp some holiday-inspired recipes.

Seriously?

You've admitted to grabbing "muffins" and whatnot. So why not a muffin recipe? Ugh.

Timing. It's all about timing. Speaking of... looks like your goose is cooked. Bye, bye you sloppy excuse for a human.

How 'bout shoving some gravy in your mouth to keep it shut?

#2 MATT DAMON

Oh, Matt. You've got a new movie coming out and methinks your diarrhea of the mouth is not going to help box office receipts at all. As we are now deep-sea-diving in the #MeToo narrative, I think we can all agree that harassment is repulsive. So, just leave it there and move on. Nope:

"All of that behavior needs to be confronted, but there is a continuum. On this end... where you have rape and child molestation or whatever, you know, that's prison... The other stuff is just kind of shameful and gross... I just think we have to start delineating between what these behaviors are."

I totally get what he intended to say. There is a difference between criminal behavior and an unwanted advance. But there is this whole in-between of blackmail and blacklisting. Yes, we walk a slippery slope of ending up in a place where no one can express interest in another. But then again, there is an acceptable way of approaching another versus not acceptable.

But Matt couldn't just let it go. He had to continue to dig that hole:

"We're in a watershed moment, and it's great, but I think one thing that's not being talked about is there are a whole shitload of guys-- the preponderance of men I've worked with-- who don't do this kind of thing and whose lives aren't going to be affected."

Yes. This is true. But it's like asking for a treat for doing the right thing-- which is what one should be doing without recognition.

I'd ask you to pry your head out of your backside, but at this point you'd best stay there. It might be safer for you.

#1 DAVID MUELLER

This former DJ douche really needs to zip his mouth if he expects to have any shot at a career in the future. Dude, you're a two-time loser. You were busted for grabbing Taylor Swift's butt AND you lost your countersuit. After a one-two punch to the fruit bowl, you'd think a person would quietly go away. Not this crap fungus. He says Tay Tay is no hero for speaking out against sexual harassment:

"Do I think she's a hero? She testified in court because the judge ordered her to. And when I hear her attorney talk about it they make it sound like they had a choice..."

Yawn. But that's not all. Taylor won a $1 settlement from Mueller, which was symbolic for her. Well, it was symbolic for him, too. He was supposed to pay her with a $1 Sacagawea coin--which he hasn't done yet. Originally, he said the coin was to specifically make fun of Taylor:

"I mean, if this is all about women's rights... it's a little poke at them, a little bit. I mean, I think they made this into a publicity stunt, and this is my life."

But now he's changed his story again, saying the reason he chose the coin was to draw attention to the thousands of Native American women that go missing each year.

F&ck. Off. You're such a dirty liar. So not sorry you lost your cushy six-figure salary and F-list celeb status. Perhaps if you would've conducted yourself in a respectable manner and not like an entitled swinging "rooster" that can do whatever he wants, you may still be employable. In the meantime, just give us all a nice greeting when we come inside and grab a cart. Wink, wink.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Unreality Twits

12/15/2017

Offenders for the week ending December 15, 2017:

Yup...

#3 BRIELLE BIERMANN

She's kind of a reality TV star because her momma is. So, by default, she's infamous. And therefore funny and untouchable-- right? Some people really shouldn't be on social media...

For a second time, Brielle decided to re-ignite her feud with The Real Housewives of Atlanta star NeNe Leakes. After posting a pic of a cockroach inside NeNe's house, Bri-Helle threw shade at a photo featuring Leakes, & co-stars Cynthia Bailey and Kenya Moore. She deemed the group #Xstinct-- which is a play on the group Xscape-- a group RHOA member Kandi Burruss belongs to. Then, she dubbed the trio the "Golden Girls." Oooh-- so original to attack someone's age! At least these ladies haven't had nearly as many plastic surgeries as you have, and you're only 20!

How about getting off of Instagram and instead concentrating on finding a career and your own life instead of suckling off your momma's financial teet!?!

Well, I am...

#2 SHEREE WHITFIELD

So what do you do when you try to rekindle a failed romance with your abusive ex-hubby? Find a boyfriend behind bars, of course! The Real Housewives of Atlanta star recently chronicled her verbally and physically abusive relationship to Bob Whitfield. She's done with that mess. Good. And now onto a new mess with Prisoner Tyrone Gilliams. Hey-- at least they started dating before he want to jail.

By the way, he was busted for stealing $5 million from two victims and using the proceeds to fund a lavish lifestyle. Such great character!

Maybe Dumbee feels he's a great catch because she always knows where he is and he can't lay a finger on her. Oh, and his sentence is 10 years. Ten years!!! Sheree claims she didn't know he had a conviction:

"We stopped talking before he went to prison because he didn't want to get me involved in any of that."

Google. Heard of it? Everyone in Atlanta knew about your boo boo's seedy past. Perhaps a few thousand more meetings with your life coach will help you make better life choices.

Church ain't gonna save you...

#1 JAX TAYLOR

He just might be the biggest P.O.S. breathing air. And that's a mighty big statement considering all the Weinsteins and Lauers out there. Yet, his Biggest P.O.S. title is not surprising-- because he's a known dog (Sorry for the analogy, dogs. I am a huge fan you all.) This dick beater can't stop f$cking around. Literally.

In the season premiere of Vanderpump Rules, our beloved manchild admitted that he's cheated on line-in girlfriend Brittany with a mutual acquaintance. Without protection. And she might be pregnant.

So deja vu since Jax cheated on Stassi in Season One and got a girl in Vegas preggo.

Look. You're not a neantherdal. Stop. Thinking. With. Your. Ween. What's sad is the cheating isn't the worst part. It's the disgusting way he treats Brittany. So evil, angry and condescending. That's not love. It's abuse. But I'm sure all that therapy Jaxass says he's undergoing will make him a better man.

HA HA HA HA!

Just eat a bag of the steamy stuff you're bangin' randoms with and stop breathing our good air! You're irredeemable.

P. S. How hasn't your dick fallen off yet?
P. P. S. Really, Brittany? You thought you'd be the one to change him? Run while you can!
P. P. P. S. Shame on anyone who'd touch his dirty rooster in the future.

Hi, I'm Delusional.

12/8/2017

Offenders for the week ending December 08, 2017:

"Take that!"

#3 NANCY ALSPAUGH

Nancy who? Well, She's better known as Matt Lauer's first ex wife (cuz I'm thinkin' he's about to receive a second ex wife.)-- and she totally supports him!

"I was shocked because he's been such a stalwart at that network and in that job..."

Look, it has nothing to do with the job he did. It's the "job"... he got.

"I couldn't imagine that anything that he would have done-- that would have been so out of character for him-- that would have caused that reaction."

I get it. This is not the Matt you know. But he didn't start working at NBC until the 90s-- well after you two called it quits. And I find it hard to believe a skeezy perv wasn't always a skeezy perv.

Regardless, she "100%" supports him. Well, you're 100-percent wrong. Like your ex.

"I'd make it rain, but I'm broke!"

#2 KENYA MOORE

Our second delusional offender is finally a housewife. The Real Housewives of Atlanta star finally married someone and is completely caught-up in wedded bliss. Yup, she's so crazy in love that she forgot she owes the IRS over $6,000 in unpaid taxes.

Oopsie. What are doing with all that housewives money, girlfriend?

Spending it on decorations for that hideous home you endearingly call "Moore Manor." Thanks for sharing pics of you and the hubs getting ready for the holidays. Hopefully, he paid for it since your credit card is about to get declined.

Priorities. Just because you're a pseudo-celebrity doesn't mean you don't need to pay taxes like the rest of us.

Maybe you have tax issues because that money went to pay for your "husband" stunt...

"When you're silent, that means 'yes'-- right?"

#1 MELANIE MARTINEZ

So getting rid of men will solve this whole harassment problem, right? The singer is accused of sexual assault by her former BFF who claims she repeatedly refused Melanie's advances.

Timothy Heller is a female L.A.-based aspiring singer who said "The Voice" star assaulted her:

"I have kept this secret for years, convincing myself that it wasn't a big deal and I wasn't hurt by it. The thought of accepting that my best friend raped me seems insane."

Heller claims she was assaulted during the worst time frame of her life-- and while she was sleeping:

"(Melanie performed) oral sex on me and then I was penetrated with a sex toy without being asked.. she knew I didn't want to, I made that clear."

So how did Melanie respond?:

"(Heller) never said no to what we chose to do together."

What in the AF!?!? A sleeping person can't say "yes" or "no", you Juice Bucket!

Worst. Excuse. Ever. Smellanie Whoretinez.

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

Slap With Me: Bye, Casper!

12/1/2017

In the exclusive audio version of this week's slap, we learn how "ghosting" is executed by one tool bag... Enjoy!

Slap With Me: Shut Yo Big Mouths!

11/10/2017

Why can't people think before speaking? Is it that difficult? Sigh...