Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Shahhead

7/15/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending July 15th, 2022:

#3 KIM KARDASHIAN

I get it. We women have done all kinds of things for the sake of fashion, or beauty. And frankly, it's all bullsh*t. Kimmie needed to lose 16 pounds in three weeks to wear the infamous Marilyn Monroe-sings-happy-birthday-Mr. President dress. And why was this necessary? Why would you want to wear the exact same dress Marilyn did? It should be in a museum, not amongst us getting destroyed (as it did). Wear a damn replica! Anywho, it seems she ditched her vegetarian diet and ate meat to lose the weight. But that caused her more harm than good. She said:

"Psoriasis broke out over my body and I got psoriatic arthritis. I couldn't really move my hands. I was freaking out!"

Which is why she ditched meat in the first friggin' place!

How effed up is Hollywood that someone would willingly subject themselves to for some fleeting press and a couple of good pics for the socials? Kimster got better after a steroid shot and ditching the meat.

Lame. So. Lame.

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#2 DOJA CAT

First of all, with a name like "Doja Cat" you have to be a complete asshat. But who am I? Just some schulb over here thinking there aren't enough minutes in the day to slap all these fools. Anywho, The Cat is mad at Noah Schnapp, who plays Will on Stranger Things. Why would she be mad at a 17-year-old kid star? Well, because she reached out to him because she wants co-star Joseph Quinn (who played Eddie Muson) to "pet her kitty." And Noah shared screenshots of the DMs to all the world. Doja got her claws out:

“That's like borderline snake s***. That's like weasel s***. I'm not saying that encapsulates his entire personality. I made an assumption that he was gonna be chill about it and he went and shared information that I didn’t feel comfortable with him sharing."

Here's a thought: when you messaged him, you should've asked him to keep things private. That's what adults do. Which you supposedly are. All of social media defended Noah, but Doja came for everybody.

Why is this bish famous? Seriously.

Also, you're 26 years old. You can certainly catch "D" all on your own. Without the help, again, of a 17-year-old!

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#1 JEN SHAH, Cast Member/Real Housewives of Salt Lake City

HA HA HA! We all knew she was a guilty, scamming twatbag and now she's admitted it. After a year of proclaiming her innocence, this reality TV "star" entered a guilty plea in federal court. What did she do? Scam the elderly out of their money, while flaunting her ill-gotten wealth on a reality TV show. Dumbass.

Yup. She said she committed "wire fraud, offering services with little to no value" and:

"We used interstate telephones and emails. I knew many of the purchasers were over the age of 55. I am so sorry."

The reason why she entered a plea was not because of the overwhelming guilty she felt being a complete douche, but because she offered to not appeal her sentence if she received 14 years or less. Because she faces 30 years in prison. Damn. She's also agreed to forfeit $6 million, and to pay restitution in the amount of $9 million.

It seems like she should owe more than that...

Guess you're not so "Shaw-mazing" after all. Bye!

Douchefecta

6/10/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending June 10th, 2022:

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#3 MATTHEW MORRISON

He's out as a judge on So You Think You Can Dance because his pants want to dance with anyone willing. See, he violated "competition production protocols." Which means he had an "inappropriate relationship with a female contestant."

The two didn't knock boots, but that was his goal. A source said:

“He reached out to her through flirty direct messages on social media. She felt uncomfortable with his line of comments and went to producers, who then got Fox involved. He was fired after they did their own investigation.”

Can you see my head shake right now?

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#2 MAMA JUNE

This woman defines white trash. Actually, white trash has some kind of white trash code. This bish has zero code. From dating men that are known child molesters-- including dating one that raped her own daughter, to having relationships with known drug users, this asshat recently tied the knot to Justin Stroud. Who was just arrested a few months ago on an outstanding drug warrant.

Congrats on your first marriage. And thank you that you've stopped reproducing. You've forever damaged the lives of your daughters. And shame on the entertainment devils that made you a celebrity in the first place. You're nothing to aspire to. You should use all that reality TV money and book residency on Mars with your druggie Mister. Oh, wait. You snorted a million dollars up your nose. A million dollars worth!

Loserdome continues.

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#1 KEVIN SPACEY

Apparently this... thing... is an affront to the entire world (allegedly.) The disgraced pervo (alleged) actor is close to being charged with four cases of sexual assault in the UK. Crown Prosecution Services says the alleged incidents involved three different men between 2005 and 2013, including causing a person to:

"engage is penetrative sexual activity without consent."

This isn't Spacey's first rodeo. He's being sued by Anthony Rapp, who claims he was assaulted by Spacecadet at the age of 14 while they were both on Broadway together. Oh, and then there's those 20 similar claims of assault and other inappropriate behavior.

Of course, Spacey is innocent. In his mind. I'm sure his trouser worm has a mind of its own. Gross. Just. Gross. Predators (alleged) are 100% scum. Time to scour him off the planet.

Fixer

5/6/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending May 6th, 2022:

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#3 DAN AKYROYD AND DONNA DIXON

I'm always amazed when couples-- especially Hollywood ones-- endure. But this one is no longer happily-ever-after. They're going to remain legally married, but live life separately.

“After 39 years as a couple we are now on separate life paths. We remain legally married, co-parents, co-workers, and business partners. This is our choice in loving friendship.”

I've got some questions: Very mature. But... who gets the house? And what about the money? Surely those things need worked out, don't they? Does this mean you'll live together, but as roommates?

The two met in 1983 while filming Doctor Detroit, and have three grown daughters together.

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#2 BILL GATES

Billy has admitted in an interview to having a wandering willy, kind of. He told the "Today" show that he "caused pain" to his ex, Melinda. But did he cheat?

“I certainly made mistakes, and I take responsibility. I don’t think delving into the particulars at this point is constructive, but yes, I caused pain, and I feel terrible about that."

Let us read between the sheets. Ding, ding, ding! Yes. You cheated.

Gates has been known historically as a manho-- even before his money.

Gross. How can a man who started a company with the name "soft" in it have anything hard? Except his wallet. Which must be the attraction?

Maybe his philanthropy is more like feelanthrophy.

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#1 JUSTIN BIEBER

This just in: getting married doesn't magically make you a better person. Because that's what Justin thought would happen when he married Hailey Baldwin.

“It’s a journey. I remember when I first got married, I hit a little bit of an emotional breakdown because I thought marriage was going to fix all my problems and it didn’t."

Duh!

And if you're thinking about having a baby because it will bring you closer if your marriage is rocky-- no.

Just take each day at a time. Be good to each other. And don't be a toolbag. Try really hard.

Clown of Sunset

4/8/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending April 8th, 2022:

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#3 MIKE SHOUHED, Cast Member/Shahs of Sunset

Anyone who's ever watch this reality TV show won't be surprised that he's been busted for domestic violence. This dude is a ball of rage, has antiquated viewpoints on gender roles, is a serial cheater, and is always "working on himself."

Please. You're just the typical Mr. Massengil. He's accused of committing "intimate partner violence with injury." He's engaged to Paulina Ben-Cohen, but it hasn't been confirmed if she's the victim. Methinks, yes, since we've seen on TV how he treats her.

Dude's deleted his IG, but not before he posted this:

"Your life is your responsibility. Your success is your responsibility. Your failure is your responsibility. Your reaction is your responsibility. Your behavior is your responsibility."

Thanks, Brokedown Budhha. STFU.

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#2 HOPE SOLO

The former soccer champ can't keep trouble out of her net. She got busted last week after she was found passed out behind the wheel of her car with her two-year-old twins in their car seats. Her rep had this to say:

"On the advice of counsel, Hope can't speak about this situation, but she wants everyone to know that her kids are her life, that she was released immediately and is now at home with her family, that the story is more sympathetic than the initial charges suggest, and that she looks forward to her opportunity to defend these charges."

Sympathetic? Whatever your sob story is, you don't get behind the wheel of your car drunk (allegedly) with your babies in tow. She was passed out with the engine running for more than an hour!

And this ain't her first scrimmage with the law. She was arrested in 2014 on domestic assault charges after police said she attacked two relatives at her home. The charges were dropped in 2018. Back in 2012, she admitted to being intoxicated in an interview following her win at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. Later that year, she faced a doping scandal, and her fiancé was arrested for allegedly attacking her the day before their wedding.

Three words for you: Get. Some. Help. Or... Go. F*ck. Off.

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#1 OJ SIMPSON

If you haven't followed OJ on Twitter, you should. His DGAF is broken, and he has something to say about everything. So, he had to share his thoughts about the Oscars Slap Heard 'Round The World. He defended Will Smith. #notsurprised:

“[Will Smith] was wrong but I understand the sentiment. It was unfortunate. I think Will was wrong. Look, I understood the feeling. In my life, I’ve been through a lot of crap…every comedian in the country had an O.J. routine. Don’t think I didn’t want to slap some of those guys. You just have to accept that it’s humor.”

Really? Such level-headed advice on acceptance from a man who couldn't accept that his ex-wife moved on and maybe slapped her with a knife to death. Allegedly. This dude knows the truth, yet he's out in the streets playing all innocent about everything he's ever been in trouble for. Or went to jail for.

But thank you for still spending so much time on the golf course looking for Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman's real killer.

Men in Smack

4/1/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending April 1st, 2022:

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#3, #2, #1 WILL SMITH

The smack heard 'round the world has landed Mr. Smith on the list, taking all the spots. The dude who was once the go-to box office darling; the chill rapper who dropped rhymes about Summertime and Gettin' Jiggy Wit It is now the angry, cuckold man child for his stunt at the Oscars. Yeah, I said "stunt". And what a giant kitty you really are. You were laughing at Chris Rock's G.I. Jane joke. Your wife was smiling uncomfortably. After she shot you the "death stare" you casually strolled up to the stage and slapped Chris. Then you went back to your seat and swore at him. I hope Jada let you sleep in bed next to her that night. I wouldn't want to sleep in the garage, either, if I didn't jump when called to by my overbearing wife.

After not apologizing that night during your Oscar-winning acceptance speech, Will offered this:

“Violence in all of its forms is poisonous and destructive. My behavior at last night’s Academy Awards was unacceptable and inexcusable. Jokes at my expense are a part of the job, but a joke about Jada’s medical condition was too much for me to bear and I reacted emotionally. I would like to publicly apologize to you, Chris. I was out of line and I was wrong. I am embarrassed and my actions were not indicative of the man I want to be. There is no place for violence in a world of love and kindness. I deeply regret that my behavior has stained what has been an otherwise gorgeous journey for all of us.”

Blah, blah, blah.

This is just a big joke in a world where wrong is right and right is wrong. You're not sorry. Not truly. Look at all the attention you've gotten! And you won't get cancelled, cuz, it's YOU. Hollywood Star. With the quick wit you possess, you could've easily verbally shut that joke down. But now you're an emasculated laughing-stock to us real people that have made you rich.

F*ck you. And your entitlement. And your hurt little feelings. You're a disaster. There are ways to defend your loved ones, and ways to embarrass them. You put the "ass" in embarrassment. Congrats. I've got a statue for you to stick somewhere.

Ending on a Low Note

12/31/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending December 31st, 2021:

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#3 COMMON, known rapper

Rapper Common and comedian Tiffany Haddish were all booed-up during the lockdown. And they were going strong for a year-- so deeply in love. And then... Splitsville. The reason? They're both so busy post-lockdown that there's no time for affection.

Hold that.

Tiffany is now saying that's not the case:

"He might be the type of person that never really settles with somebody, maybe he’s like, you know, like a bee going from flower to flower to flower. I don’t know. I wish him nothing but joy and happiness, you know. He will always be cool.”

Not if he's not being forthcoming on why y'all broke up! I guess he likes the "common" B.S. excuses instead of the truth.

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#2 MEGHAN KING, former Reality TV "star" turned "Influencer"

Called it! Meghan's quickie marriage to Cuffe Owens is done-sy. And for this thrice-divorcee, she's crushed:

“I am rattled. This situation is profoundly devastating.This is obviously not what I imagined when I made my vows — and I’m shocked and saddened by the way things turned out. I am moving forward with my children (not Cuffe's) as we privately process our pain and begin to let go of shattered dreams.”

OMG! Sooooo dramatic! What in the af did you expect when your flighty-ass married this ween after THREE WEEKS of dating?

But, damn, they were three of the most fab weeks after meeting up on the Raya dating app.

“[We] texted for a day or two, then spent five straight hours on the phone the first time we spoke. By the time that call ended, Cuffe was booked and packed for a flight to St. Louis that took off in about eight hours. Within a week, we were back on the East Coast, meeting his family, and starting to plan our future together. We didn’t leave each other’s side for weeks.”

Methinks his being Biden's nephew was the main attraction. Cuz you could get extra clout coins for that move...

P.S. Is she going to marry a "Collar" next?

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#1 KANYE WEST

I actually feel a wee bit sorry for ol' Kanye. Cuz he is reeking of desperation. Kim. Doesn't. Want. You. Anymore. This dude had been spending most of his married time on his ranch in Montana, away from Kim and the kids. And now that she's moved on-- he says he wants to stay married to her. And on top of that? He just bought a $4.5 million mansion in Hidden Hills, CA. Across the street from his soon-to-be-ex wife.

Perhaps you shouldn't have had such loose-lips, which embarrassed your entire family, and will come back to shame your children. Yes, your kids want you to stay together. Because, kids. But Kim isn't moved. In court papers:

"Irreconcilable differences have existed and continue to exist between [West] and me, which have caused our marriage to irretrievably break down. No counseling or reconciliation effort will be of any value at this time. There will be no prejudice to [West] if our marriage is immediately dissolved, especially given the fact that throughout our marriage, we adhered to the terms of our premarital agreement and maintained the separate property character of our assets.”

And on top of that? She's asked the court to declare her "single" while they work out custody.

Go write another record about all this and move on... And out of that new house!

Swagless

11/12/2021

Offender for the week ending November 12, 2021:

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#3 SCOTT DISICK

This fool thinks if he keeps in good with the Kardashian/Jenners, he might get another shot at Kourtney. HA HA HA HA! He says he considers Kris Jenner to be a second mom to him, and that he gets along well with everyone-- except Kourtney.

Well, her opinion matters most. And she ain't leaving Travis Barker-- a real man. Just go back to age-inappropriate dating.

A little poem for you:

Disick
Is a dick
Not so slick
Go find a pole to lick

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#2 JEFF BEZOS

Jeffy was just kidding, but you know a part of him was serious when he took a shot at the luscious Leo DiCaprio. Jeff and his lady love, Lauren Sanchez, were at some soiree where Leo was. And he was lookin' F-I-N-E in a tux. Lauren was alllll into Leo, and as he turned to walk away, it looked like she was going to grab his hand and follow. Well, Barstool Sports posted video of the exchange with the caption "Leo is Mr. Steal Yo Girl."

In response, Jeff posted a picture of himself standing by a sign that read: "Danger! Steep Cliff Fatal Drop" with the caption: "Leo, come over here. I want to show you something."

Look, Bezhos. You have more money than Leo. It's cool. Go ride your penis rocket to space. It'll be okay.

A little poem for you:

Sad but true
You got the bag
But Leo got swag
Boo hoo

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#1 YE, formerly known as Kanye West

I've slapped this dude so many times, but he doesn't seem to learn. I actually feel sorry for him as he's going through a lot. Name change; marital status change. Reports came out months ago that these two are, indeed, getting divorced-- and that everything had been settled. Now, Ye claims he's never seen any divorce papers, and that he wants to stay together with Kim Kardashian. He's blaming the media, and streaming service Hulu for the breakup of his family:

"I wanna pull my family back together... It's MY family, Hulu."

What the eff does that mean? Perhaps you shouldn't have run off to your ranch in Montana for months at a time while your family was in L.A. Methinks he's just upset Kim's bumpin' uglies with Pete Davidson. I mean, I'd hurl too, but... you have your own little hook-up action going on...

A little poem for you:

Ye Ye
Go away
Change your name to
Overplayed

Nailed

10/15/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending October 15, 2021:

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#3 MEGHAN KING

You can take the girl out of reality TV, but you can't take the reality TV life out of the girl. Why? Because she's the Hot Mess Express, and is proud of it! Her latest doomed move? Getting married after just a few weeks of dating. Megs has tied the knot with President Biden's nephew, Cuffe Owens.

First of all, what the f*ck kind of name is Cuffe!?!? It means glove... which I hope he uses the love glove so there aren't any more cuffers running around. But I digress. Megan said the two of them clicked on a dating app, they spoke on the phone for five hours, she flew to St. Louis to meet him, and the rest is history. Thank goodness her divorce from former MLBer Jim Edmonds was just finalized.

I'm sure his being the nephew of the Prez had nothing to do with your smitten-ess....

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#2 DEMI LOVATO

She has gone from cool to tool quickly. I'm glad that she has a platform and feels empowered to speak on behalf of those she feels are slighted, but many times she's misguided and acting-out because she's triggered. And her latest battle? We all need to stop calling aliens, aliens. You know, the green or grey creatures we imagine that are from another realm. She feels that it's offensive to describe other possible life forms as alien. By one definition, alien:

"belonging or relating to another person, place or thing... belonging to a foreign country or nation."

Offensive. Demi says:

"I think that we have to stop calling them aliens because aliens is a derogatory term for anything. That's why I like to call them ETs!"

I see what's going on here. You're one of them. With that, ET phone home and get outta here!

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#1 ERIKA JAYNE

This poor (maybe literally) cast member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is so tragic-- the collateral damage of her ancient lawyer-husband's scheme of robbing his clients of settlement money (and then spending it on her lavish lifestyle). She had no idea her hubs was bilking people! (wink, wink) And now, she can't take it anymore. She has publicly put on her martyr hat, and has even dared to compare herself to Jesus.

A fan posted that Erika's lawyer is "undermining the judicial system", adding-- "this is exactly how CHRIST died."

Erika, of course, retweeted the post. Just. Wow. Whether you are a believer or not, Christ stood for many things. None of which Erika stands for. To compare yourself to a holy being, when you should be comparing yourself to a whoring being is repulsive. You're scamming, lying, cheating, gluttonous lifestyle is your choosing. To be caught breaking the law and being immoral is called justice. Not Jesus.

Waiting for the lightning to strike in three, two, one...

Double Oh-No!

8/20/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 20th, 2021:

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#3 JIM EDMONDS

This fool is engaged again. This time to someone, the name doesn't really matter. This will make wife #4 for Jimmy. Is he trying to have as many wives as years he played in the MLB? Of course, this gal's "the one". Never age appropriate, by the way. But me wonders if this wife will want kids, like his third wife did, and then he wasn't there for those kids because he's in AARP land and doesn't care, but hey his sperm still swim, so....

That was a lot... like the number of ex wives he's going to have.

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#2 DANIEL CRAIG

I have some mixed feelings about Daniel-- besides if he really made a good 007 or not. It seems he's a part of this trend to not leave his kids any money when he double-oh-dies because it ain't cool. So his intention is to give away his fortune while he's alive because he doesn't want to die rich. Sorry, kids. Daddy's worth $160-million, but you'll get nothing and like it.

"I don't want to leave great sums to the next generation. I think inheritance is quite distasteful. My philosophy is get rid of it or give it away before you go."

I get the concept that a person should make their own way in life, but unless your kids are complete douchenozzles, why the hate? There is nothing wrong with building generational wealth, which could lead to greater opportunities for your two daughters and their children. Legacy building ain't all bad.

But since this is how you're rollin', my hand is out if ya wanna drop some cheddar...

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#1 MAMA JUNE

It's said that this creature rose to fame thanks to her daughter's (Honey Boo Boo) popularity on Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC. There was even a time when I was happy that Mama June was able to make a better life for herself and her kids. But then she went back to her trailer park ways, because you can't take the trailer park out of the person. One of her boyfriends was the same man that was accused of raping one of her daughters. Uhmmmm, WTF? And then she hooked up with Geno Doak and got into a bunch of trouble with crack cocaine use and possession and blowing through all her reality TV money.

Dumbass.

But she's seen the light, now. After Geno was sentenced to 16 months for his drug charges, she decided to end things with him.

"He's not a part of my life, hasn't been."

Maybe you'll learn that drugs and DV aren't the way to live. Though you've made money from being a hot mess. doesn't mean you shouldn't try to live a better life.

Dear Mama June
Quit thinkin' with your poon
Wake da fuque up
Before you get cut

Wish List

7/29/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

The slap hand is taking a rest this week. But that doesn't mean YOU can't slap a celebrity! Who do you want to "slap" and why? Don't be shy...

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Shahhead

Douchefecta

Fixer

Clown of Sunset

Men in Smack

Ending on a Low Note

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Nailed

Double Oh-No!

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