Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Nailed

10/15/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending October 15, 2021:

#3 MEGHAN KING

You can take the girl out of reality TV, but you can't take the reality TV life out of the girl. Why? Because she's the Hot Mess Express, and is proud of it! Her latest doomed move? Getting married after just a few weeks of dating. Megs has tied the knot with President Biden's nephew, Cuffe Owens.

First of all, what the f*ck kind of name is Cuffe!?!? It means glove... which I hope he uses the love glove so there aren't any more cuffers running around. But I digress. Megan said the two of them clicked on a dating app, they spoke on the phone for five hours, she flew to St. Louis to meet him, and the rest is history. Thank goodness her divorce from former MLBer Jim Edmonds was just finalized.

I'm sure his being the nephew of the Prez had nothing to do with your smitten-ess....

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#2 DEMI LOVATO

She has gone from cool to tool quickly. I'm glad that she has a platform and feels empowered to speak on behalf of those she feels are slighted, but many times she's misguided and acting-out because she's triggered. And her latest battle? We all need to stop calling aliens, aliens. You know, the green or grey creatures we imagine that are from another realm. She feels that it's offensive to describe other possible life forms as alien. By one definition, alien:

"belonging or relating to another person, place or thing... belonging to a foreign country or nation."

Offensive. Demi says:

"I think that we have to stop calling them aliens because aliens is a derogatory term for anything. That's why I like to call them ETs!"

I see what's going on here. You're one of them. With that, ET phone home and get outta here!

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#1 ERIKA JAYNE

This poor (maybe literally) cast member of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is so tragic-- the collateral damage of her ancient lawyer-husband's scheme of robbing his clients of settlement money (and then spending it on her lavish lifestyle). She had no idea her hubs was bilking people! (wink, wink) And now, she can't take it anymore. She has publicly put on her martyr hat, and has even dared to compare herself to Jesus.

A fan posted that Erika's lawyer is "undermining the judicial system", adding-- "this is exactly how CHRIST died."

Erika, of course, retweeted the post. Just. Wow. Whether you are a believer or not, Christ stood for many things. None of which Erika stands for. To compare yourself to a holy being, when you should be comparing yourself to a whoring being is repulsive. You're scamming, lying, cheating, gluttonous lifestyle is your choosing. To be caught breaking the law and being immoral is called justice. Not Jesus.

Waiting for the lightning to strike in three, two, one...

Double Oh-No!

8/20/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 20th, 2021:

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#3 JIM EDMONDS

This fool is engaged again. This time to someone, the name doesn't really matter. This will make wife #4 for Jimmy. Is he trying to have as many wives as years he played in the MLB? Of course, this gal's "the one". Never age appropriate, by the way. But me wonders if this wife will want kids, like his third wife did, and then he wasn't there for those kids because he's in AARP land and doesn't care, but hey his sperm still swim, so....

That was a lot... like the number of ex wives he's going to have.

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#2 DANIEL CRAIG

I have some mixed feelings about Daniel-- besides if he really made a good 007 or not. It seems he's a part of this trend to not leave his kids any money when he double-oh-dies because it ain't cool. So his intention is to give away his fortune while he's alive because he doesn't want to die rich. Sorry, kids. Daddy's worth $160-million, but you'll get nothing and like it.

"I don't want to leave great sums to the next generation. I think inheritance is quite distasteful. My philosophy is get rid of it or give it away before you go."

I get the concept that a person should make their own way in life, but unless your kids are complete douchenozzles, why the hate? There is nothing wrong with building generational wealth, which could lead to greater opportunities for your two daughters and their children. Legacy building ain't all bad.

But since this is how you're rollin', my hand is out if ya wanna drop some cheddar...

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#1 MAMA JUNE

It's said that this creature rose to fame thanks to her daughter's (Honey Boo Boo) popularity on Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC. There was even a time when I was happy that Mama June was able to make a better life for herself and her kids. But then she went back to her trailer park ways, because you can't take the trailer park out of the person. One of her boyfriends was the same man that was accused of raping one of her daughters. Uhmmmm, WTF? And then she hooked up with Geno Doak and got into a bunch of trouble with crack cocaine use and possession and blowing through all her reality TV money.

Dumbass.

But she's seen the light, now. After Geno was sentenced to 16 months for his drug charges, she decided to end things with him.

"He's not a part of my life, hasn't been."

Maybe you'll learn that drugs and DV aren't the way to live. Though you've made money from being a hot mess. doesn't mean you shouldn't try to live a better life.

Dear Mama June
Quit thinkin' with your poon
Wake da fuque up
Before you get cut

What the Stank!?!?

8/6/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending August 6th, 2021:

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#3 MACHINE GUN KELLY (aka: MGK)

K is not okay with his movie "Midnight in the Switchgrass." Plus: he met the love of his life, Megan Fox, on set. Minus: he ain't in the movie that much. In fact, the happy couple skipped the film's premiere and MGK, dropped this tweet:

"If I don't talk or tweet about a movie I'm barely in it's because it's (trash emoji)."

I mean, I applaud your telling the truth. I saw the trailer for this movie and it's not good. First of all, Bruce Willis doesn't need to do these crap movies, or does he? Second, no one is going to believe that your beloved Megan is an FBI agent. Even if I drank an entire bottle of wine would I believe she could be FBI. Unless it's some Cinemax after 11 pm movie, and "switchgrass" is changed to "switchsnatch" and Megan switches identities with another woman to entrap her lover that she believes is cheating on her.

Yes, I just made that up.

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#2 ASHTON KUTCHER AND MILA KUNIS

WTH is it with Hollywood and the lack of hygiene? Seriously. Back in the day, I was crushed when it was revealed by Jennifer Aniston that then-hubby Brad Pitt rarely showered. Peee-you! There'd be no way I'd get near that musty fruitbowl! Wash that entire America-Mexico-South America area!

And now this power couple has consciously uncoupled with soap and water. And their kids, too! They don't believe in washing the entire body. But they do wash their "soles and holes" every day. Praise sweet baby Jesus for that at least! In regards to the kids? If they don't see dirt on them, they don't wash 'em. Hello!!!! They have "soles and holes", too.

Please add "pits and tits" to the list. Those can be some funky areas, too. Or better yet, while you're taking care of South America and Antarctica, wash the entire globe!!!

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#1 R. KELLY

Why isn't this ultimate POS behind bars? Or breathing our good air? Another day, another depraved allegation against this d*uchenozzle. New York prosecutors came forward recently, accusing R (rapist?) of "grooming" young boys. He's accused of asking a minor:

"... what he was willing to do to succeed in the music business and clarified that he wanted John Doe #1 to engage in sexual contact with Kelly."

But there's more:

The teen introduced R. Criminal to John Doe #2, also a minor, and allegedly:

"paid John Doe #2 after sexual encounters with him."

And here's another gem. Federal documents claim the supposed perv's crisis manager bribed a Cook County clerk after the documentary Surviving R. Kelly aired.

Get this anal leak off the streets. He's a menace!

Baby Machine

7/9/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending July 9, 2021:

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#3 STEPHEN DORFF

MCU fans don't want you, either, Stephen! In fact, a lot of people are telling him to STFU after he threw shade at Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow flick. He said he felt:

"... embarrassed for her. It looks like garbage to me, like a bad video game."

Stephen says he has no interest in ever joining the MCU. Cuz, you know-- standards. He said he'd rather act for the "next Stanley Kubrick" than be entangled with the MCU. The socials took to roasting him, including flaming his movie roles of the past.

"Nobody tell Stephen Dorff Blade was a comic book movie"

And so much more. Ouch.

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#2 WENDY WILLIAMS

She's the rash that won't go away! Always running her mouth. Her target this time? Actress and Influencer Tabitha Brown. After struggling for many years, Tabitha finally "made it". And that means that her husband, who's an LAPD officer, can retire. Because Tabitha wants to now support his dreams and goals as he did hers. Wendy took exception to that, because she (Wendy) was burned before:

"I was married to one of those. 'I make the money' and so on and so forth. 'Go live your dreams! Open a business! go, go go!' See how that turned out."

But there's more:

"I predict that this marriage is going to be on real rocky ground in a moment. 'Live your dream'... They may invest in stuff and lose the money. They invest in something else then the money gets swindled or stolen. Then they invest again and he comes home and throws his bag down. She's all 'What? What?' And he's like, 'I can't do this and this is your fault. You're over here making your money and stuff and had me quit my job."

Whew! That's a colon cleanse of sh&t she's dropping. Not everyone marries a toolbag that takes your money and impregnates his mistress. So, slow your roll. Tabitha is a big girl. By the way, Tabitha handled Wendy with class and a chill smackdown only a Southern lady could deliver. Kudos.

Keep drinking the bitter tea, Wendy. Such a wonderful way to live...

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#1 NICK CANNON

Somebody's awfully defensive about all his baby-making... Nick has fathered 4 children in less than a year. With different women. And-- it's "intentional". Nick said:

"I'm having these kids on purpose. I didn't have no accident."

Let's run down his non-accidents: Nick and Brittany Bell welcomed daughter Powerful Queen in December. In June of this year, he had twins Zion and Zillion with Abby De La Rosa. His newest baby is Zen, with Alyssa Scott and the end of June. He and Brittany already have a 4-year-old-- Golden. And, Nick has 10-year-old twins Monroe and Moroccan with Mariah Carey.

I know. I'm sweating, too, and my head hurts. He was chatting with City Girls on their podcast, when he asked them for advice. They told him to wrap it up and protect himself. How dare they! He responded by saying he could've gotten a lot of people pregnant, but he didn't.

You're gonna ask someone for advice, and then get pissed because you don't like it? It's because it's the truth. Wrap your willie up and stop reproducing. Unless you plan on buying Rhode Island and letting your offspring live there. At the rate you're going...

P.S. Maybe an STD test should happen?

P.P.S. George Costanza would be so proud...

What Goes Around Comes Around

5/21/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending May 21, 2021:

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#3 PORSHA WILLIAMS, Castmember/Real Housewives of Atlanta

Messy. Straight up messy. That's the only way to describe a person who gets engaged to her friend's ex-husband two months after "dating" him. Oh, and fiance Simon Guobadia's divorce isn't final yet. Minor detail. But who cares? Porsha is just so damned happy!

"Our relationship began a month ago-- and yes we are crazy in love. I know it's fast but we are living life each day to its fullest. I choose happiness every morning and every night. Tuning out all negative energy and only focused on positive wishes. He makes me so happy and to me, that is what matters most."

Oh. So he kisses your big booty. Because you are a lot of woman to handle. Lots of baggage you're hauling around. Good luck on your third engagement. Next time, try dating from a pool not flowing into your friends group.

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#2 GWYNETH PALTROW

This b&tch. Seriously. This. B&tch. Quarantine was rough on a lot of people. So many went through it. Hard. But apparently things were so hard for Gwynie, her diet suffered. She binged on quinoa-based cocktails every night and ate tons of... BREAD! Nooooo!

Really? Drinking your coochie-wah whiskey named after your grandpappy because you come from money and have tons of money isn't roughing it. And eating your luxury bread and pasta? Try ramen and cold Spaghetti Os from the can. But thank you, social media, for leveling-up the snarky responses:

"Everybody, please let's have a moment of silence. Things got really bad for Gwyneth Paltro during quarantine. She broke down and ate bread. I know, I know... tragic."

"In 2020, for 99% of the planet, breaking down = emotional collapse at loss of loved one, livelihood, home. For Paltrow it meant eating bread."

I know some place she can shove a French loaf...

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#1 CHRISSY TEIGEN

I loathe thieves and hypocrites. Chrissy is the Queen of Hypocrisy. While she spews her platitudes and virtue signals everyone publicly, she herself is a complete douche. She called out Matthew Perry and Ben Affleck for being "creepy" for being on the Raya dating app. Who asked you #1? And #2, who cares?

Then, Courtney Stodden refreshed Chrissy's memory-- publicly-- about all the times she bullied her. She showed the receipts of screenshots where Chrissy tweeted that a teenage Courtney should take a "dirt nap" and DM'd her that she should "go kill herself." Imagine that, the woke folk worst than the average folk who have enough character to not bully someone. Of course, Chrissy is all kinds of sorry, calling herself:

"(then) a sad, insecure, attention seeking troll".

Past tense. Really? Still present tense. You're still a troll, and still attention-seeking, Like that not-so-original stunt of leaving Twitter because you needed a break, only to return a week later, because... attention needed! Sorry not sorry you lost a couple of endorsements over your past actions. Karma is ultimately woke, because there is no discrimination. She visits everyone.

Joshhole

5/7/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending May 7, 2021:

Sometimes the slap has one offender so egregious, the entire list is dedicated to that one offending POS.

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#3, #2, #1 JOSH DUGGAR

The former star of "19 Kids and Counting" apparently is all about kids. He has six of his own and a seventh on the way with wife, Anna. And apparently, he's a pedo. Let's travel back in time to 2015, when TLC canceled the show after it came out that Josh molested four of his sisters. Four. Of his sisters. The family patriarch, Jim Bob (for real), said this at the time about his eldest son:

"He said he was just curious about girls and he had gone in and just basically touched them over their clothes while they were sleeping... There were a couple of instances where he touched them under their clothes. This was not rape or anything like that."

I can't with this family...

Back to our present time: Josh's workplace was raided last week by The Feds and he was arrested. He's been charged with receiving and possessing child pornography. His lawyers managed to get him out of jail while he awaits his trial. But he's staying with friends of the family because he can't go home and be under the same roof with minor children. He can only have supervised visits with them. Homeland Security Investigations Special Agent Gerald Faulkner testified that one file found on Joshhole's computer-- which showed children from 18-months to 12-years-old-- was

"... in the top five of the worst-of-the-worst that (he'd) ever had to examine."

During the raid, Josh asked:

"What is this about? Has someone been downloading child pornography?"

Really? Guilty much? When the agents asked if he had seen or possessed some he replied:

"I'd rather not answer that question."

GTFO!

And to top things off, he's smiling smugly in his mugshot. What a complete affront to humanity.

He should have his pedo ween cut off and be forced to wear it around his neck. Then, the Hunger Games-type hunt begins where it's us versus him in the woods and he has no weapons. Children should hunt him with common items used as weapons to bludgeon him, then we'll set him ablaze on live TV so that everyone knows that we don't tolerate molesters.

Are we good with that?

Royal A-Hole

4/30/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 30, 2021:

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#3 RONNIE ORTIZ-MAGRO

Reality TV stars are not really stars. But they are. Even though many are just glorified degenerates. Like this Jersey Shore ween breath. While on probation for a previous domestic violence incident last year, Ronnie finds himself potential facing another charge. Apparently, there's some shady shizz going on here, because Ronnie tweeted this:

"I take all experiences as lessons. You learn who really cares about you when your down and out and than you see who doesn't! But I guess they call it the weeding process. Thank you to my real friends who haven't left my side and haven't betrayed me."

His girlfriend, Saffire Matos, had this to say:

"Ronnie and I are fine. There is a lot of misleading information floating around out there. With anybody who reached out with concern I appreciate it with all my heart, but everything that's being portrayed out there are not facts."

So, did one of y'all's "friends" call police and make an accusation? Or did they make a call because they're concerned?

We need to stop making asshats famous. Perhaps we can slap him out of stardom.

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#2 PRINCE HARRY

And the Duh Award goes to I'm-a-prince-but-don't-call-me-prince Harry. So, there's this little (large) rift between him and the royal family after he and Yoko, I mean Meghan, did that Oprah interview. He went back for Prince Phillip's funeral and was surprised by his family's "frosty reception." Well what in the actual f&ck did you think the reception would be!?!? "Hey, Harry, come give us a hug while you publicly stab us all in the back because you're all entangled in that celebrity snatch."

As a result, a source says Harry might not return to England this summer as planned for the unveiling of a statue of Princess Diana. Most likely, Harry will use the birth of his second child as an excuse to not make the trip. How convenient.

It appears that when you said your vows, you handed over your balls. And your brains. You can't put your family on blast publicly, royal or not, and expect everything (besides attitudes) to be cool. Apparently, Meghan's Magical Muffin emits something that erases your sensibility. Hope it's worth it.

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#1 MICHAEL LOHAN

It's no wonder that Lindsay and her sibling are a hot mess. Look at their parents: Dina, who's enjoying a long-term engagement to a man she's never seen in person, and Michael, a criminal ingrown ass hair. He's in more legal trouble for an alleged "patient brokering" scheme. He's one of 100 people accused of bringing patients into drug treatment centers in exchange for illegal kickbacks.

This is the same guy that opened his own drug rehab facility. Because he really wanted to help. Apparently, he was learning to help himself.

How utterly repulsive. It's crucial to match the patient with the right program for the best chance at success. You truly fit the "lo" in Lohan. Taking advantage of someone's devastation to profit yourself guarantees a special place for you in Hell. Enjoy the weenie roast.

Dumbstruck

4/9/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending April 9, 2021:

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#3 REGE-JEAN PAGE

Oh, Rege. You've broken a million hearts with your announcement that you won't be returning for season 2 of Bridgerton. Yes, you felt as if you "stuck the landing" with the first season (there's more "sticking" we want from you, wink wink.) But you were being offered $50-thousand an episode for three episodes. Granted, I highly doubt you would've been shirtless or naked in those episodes (we can dream), but... what's my point? Oh. Take the damn money. And take your clothes off. You should be allowed to walk around naked at all times. I don't even know why I'm spanking you, errr, slapping you. Oh, because you're denying us your fine-ness. That's why.

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#2 LARSA PIPPEN

This hurricane of drama has decided to step away from drama because it's too much to handle. HA HA HA HA! Yes. This still-married to Scottie Pippen revolving-door-for-wiener has ended her relationship with Malik Beasley-- who was also married. And is young enough to be Larsa's son. Gag. A source said:

"He was going through a lot and the time wasn't right."

The timing wasn't right? Going through a lot? Like him kicking his wife and toddler out of their home for your ass? You were okay posting Insta pics of the two of you holding hands way back in November and clapping-back at people for calling you out for your sus behavior. And then you got all righteous telling people that they didn't know the truth, and that love is love.

The truth is: There's no wiener you'd turn down. And, you live your life with so much drama that the Kardashians don't want anything to do with you. The Kardashians!!!! Who are all about staying in our faces!!!! What does that tell you? That you're beyond messy.

P.S. Poor Malik. He's lost his wife and now his ho. BWAAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!

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#1 CHER

I can't believe this relic is still relevant. Well, she's not but you can't blame an old girl for trying. Because her fossilized heart was so full of emotion, she had to verbally vomit to the world that she would've prevented George Floyd's death had she been at the scene.

BWAAA HAAAA HAAAA!

Does she even know where Minneapolis is? She tweeted that she'd been talking to her mom and crying while watching the Derek Chauvin trial and said to her:

"Mom, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I kept thinking, maybe if I'd been there, I could've helped."

Yup. Crazy. Is the air in Hollywood different than our air? Because all these celebrities sound completely crazy. What in the af would you have done? Assaulted a police officer? Shimmy down a naval ship gun in g-string Depends? Thanks, oh mighty half-white privileged out-of-touch celebrity for swooping down and saving all of us minorities!

Is there any way we can get you to Sonny Bono yourself outta here?

B-I-L-L NO!

3/26/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 MAMA JUNE

Trash is in the genes. Seems that way with this one. She rose to reality TV fame while pimping-out her daughter, Honey Boo Boo on the child pageant circuit. Then, came a string of reality shows for the matriarch. From extreme weight loss, to severed relationships with some of your daughters (for dating the man that raped one of them), to drug charges and living in your car (you had a beautiful home with all that reality money.) And now, yet another TV show "Mama June: Road to Redemption." In which she dishes about living in her car with her deadbeat, druggy BF:

"We were staying in Jackson, Georgia. We weren't using because we didn't have any money."

Thank goodness. Because who's taking care of Honey Boo Boo? She's only 15. Hopefully, you're woke now. And not in a political way-- but in a real life way. You had $750,000 that you put up your nose. Shame on you. Kick the trash to the curb and kick it out of your soul, woman!

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#2 KYLIE JENNER

Raise your hand if you're tired of entitled brats who lack awareness? Yup. The billionaire took some major heat for promoting a celebrity makeup artist's GoFundMe. She told her sheep to donate to Samuel Rauda's fundraiser after he was involved in a serious accident that required surgery. She did pitch-in $5,000 towards the $120,000 goal. But... you've worked with this dude before. You've spent a minimum of $100,000 grand on your baby's birthday party. You could've easily covered this person's expenses. But no. Just ask the zombies to spend money they don't have because they have bigger hearts than your fake lips.

She was called out on the socials:

"If I was as rich as Kylie Jenner I simply wouldn't ask ppl on the internet to donate for my best friend's brain surgery but we all built different I guess."

"How come Kylie Jenner isn't paying her makeup artist enough to afford a $60,000 surgery?"

Guess you don't get rich by spending money. Unless it's for something you can socialbrag about.

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#1 BILL COSBY

This. Mother. F&cker. He thinks he's getting out of prison soon. In fact, the 83-year-old rapist expects to be free to drop pills in drinks as early as next month. So confident this one is, he's refused to participate in sexual predator counseling sessions:

"Just a few days ago they came to him and asked if he would go to those counseling courses for being a sexual violent predator and he said 'No. I am not guilty of this and I am not going to any courses. By attending those courses, I am admitting guilt.'"

Sixty (60) women came forward, accusing you of drugging and raping them over the past 40 years. But they're all lying, right? It was all consensual, right?

That's right. They couldn't say "no" because they were drugged. Just because you don't believe what you did was wrong doesn't mean it wasn't. You're just a scumbag, like other scumbags, except you're scummier because you've got money to pay people off and stroke your... ego.

I hope you die behind bars with a pudding pop in your pipe.

Jose Cuer-no

3/19/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 19, 2021:

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#3 KHLOE KARDASHIAN

Khloe made a goal-- reunite with her baby-daddy Tristan Thompson for his 30th birthday. Well, she did! And now she's wearing a rather large rock on that finger. Sigh. Yes, you share a 3-year-old daughter. Yes, you want to have another baby with Tbag. But... do you really trust the dude that cheated on you with your sister's best friend? He's saying and doing all the right things right now. But when he's out on the road playing ball, who's playing with his balls?

His snake cannot be caged. Nor does he want it to be. I mean, look at who's Number Two on this list as a prime example...

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#2 ALEX RODRIGUEZ

What in the actual f&ck is wrong with you!?!? You are engaged to Jennifer-Friggin'-Lopez. Four. Years. Together. And Little ARod can't stop panty sniffing. You're a complete idiot. If you're going to jeopardize your relationship, could you at least not dip your wick into the reality TV ho-bag pool? While Madison LeCroy of Southern Charm is hot, she's no JLo! Sexting some THOT for funsies is just stupid. What are you trying to prove? That you've still got it? You will always "have it" because you're ALEX RODRIGUEZ. The Dead Sea Scrolls can't contain all the women you've wanged over the years.

I'm glad you and JLo are "working it out". Y'all are most likely working out splitting your assets while she's resisting splitting your ass in half with her Louboutin-adorned foot.

Wake up! Put your c*ck on lockdown before you ruin everything...

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#1 JOSE CANSECO

This broke down, steroid-ruined asshat only tops ARod because he's just so played out. What did this fool do? He decided to throw his hat into the ring for JLo's affections. Please. After taking to Twitter to call Alex "the most predictable person on the planet", he decided to shoot his shot for Jennifer:

"(she) needs a man that's by her side 24/7... (and is) older than she is."

Age has nothing to do with ARod's wangderlust. But there's more. Jose would....

"fight for (her)..."

But...

"(I've got) two town shoulders and a bad knee."

That's so... not eloquent. Who would want your powder puff penis at this point? Madonna was already there in your prime time. And being all up in that is kind of like walking barefoot through Grand Central.

Do us all a favor. Sit down. Shut up. Disappear.

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Nailed

Double Oh-No!

What the Stank!?!?

Baby Machine

What Goes Around Comes Around

Joshhole

Royal A-Hole

Dumbstruck

B-I-L-L NO!

Jose Cuer-no

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