This Slap is on Fyre!

Offenders for the week ending May 5, 2017:

"WHAT'S MY NAAAAAME????"

#3 OPRAH

When you have more money than Zeus and you're friggin' Oprah Winfrey, why do you give two f*cks about anything. Seriously? I wouldn't care. Period. But Oprah wants you to "Say Her Name, Say Her Name," or else! It was "Kids Day" at O HQ, and Oprah bribed a kid with $10 if she could tell her who she was. So. Pathetic. Someone captured it on video:

I know Gayle King wasn't around to kiss your hiney, but please. Apparently, the Big O hasn't been around children much. Because if she had, she'd know that when children are put on the spot-- even about sharing what their own name is-- they freeze up. Hope daddy ain't out of a job now since kiddo choked. Just go home, Oprah, and get whatever you need from Steadman Your Manservant/Boyfriend/Sadsack.

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"Like all dem greats, I be goin' by one name."

​#2 BILLY RAY CYRUS

"Hey, y'all. I is a needin' to be there relevanting again, so Imma gonna change my name. Cuz me not comfys in this Billy Ray skin no more." -- The "Artist" Formerly Known As Billy Ray.

Since the embarrassment of his loins, Miley, has calmed down, Papa Ray has to do something, right? So, he's going to change his name to: Cyrus. Just. Cyrus. Because that's what he's always wanted:

"... I always went by Cyrus, and I begged Mercury Records to call me Cyrus in the beginning because that's what I was comfortable with. I'm going to the hospital where I was born in Bellefonte, Kentucky, and legally changing my name."

Awesome. But you should know that you have to go to the COURTHOUSE to get that name change. Yeah. Well, until you make the change on August 25th, we're gonna call you Billy Ray Butthole. Yeah, I'm bringing back first grade insults, because I've always wanted to roll that way.

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Ja's and Billy's dreams go up in smoke...

​#1 JA RULE AND BILLY MCFARLAND

Granted, I'm not taking the side of the entitled bratty genetic wastes of space, but this is some stuff. Ja and Billy decided they were going to stage this awesome festival in the Bahamas. The Fyre Festival was pushed by famous folk and social media influencers as:

"a unique, multi-day luxury music and arts festival with celebrity chef-catered meals and impressive accommodations."

Tickets ranged from $1,500 to $12,000 with those who bought VIP passes getting access to a yacht. Yipee! Sounds like paradise.... But, it failed. Big time. Headliner Blink 182 pulled out, and when festival-goers got there, they were treated to relief tents and mattresses, cheese sandwiches, and port-a-potties. 

So, the Dipsh*t Duo said the Bahamas didn't have the infrastructure to accommodate such an event. Duh. Take a page out of the Sandals resort playbook (which your non-event was next too)-- you build the infrastructure and isolate the clients in paradise. Or even better-- partner with Sandals. They have great food and great accommodations!

Sigh. You two are quite the entre-manures, aren't ya? And get this-- these fools are gonna try it again next year. BWAAAA HAAAAA! Stop. Just. Stop.

P.S. I'd be all about the FRYe festival. But I'd only pay $2.50 for it...

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