We're taking a break from slapping celebrities. We'd thought we'd end the year slapping a few real-life characters that are in desperate need of punishment. With that in mind, enjoy.
Offenders for the year ending 2018:
Offenders for the year ending 2018:
#3 "SACKLESS WONDER"
You are all the bad/litigious "-ists/-isms" rolled into one. Perhaps one day you'll discover the one "-ism" you're lacking: "professionalism". But since you're close to the "hang 'em up" age, there's no hope for you. Plus, your reputation outside your shanty kingdom is less-than stellar, like, you're a complete joke.
Your weaknesses include: indecision; a lack of balls; poor self-evaluation; easily persuaded; and believing you're own bullsh*t. You're a knee-jerk reactor and a jerk in general. Perhaps you should next study under a magician since you're good with smoke and mirrors.
I do want to give you props for being an excellent binge-drinker, party animal, airhead, "company man" and all-around ass clown. I can respect an outright assh&le. It's the covert ones like you that pretend to care that make my skin crawl. Hope that selling your soul to the Devil was worth the vajay-jay you now have in the place of what I assume would've been your snack-size sausage link.
P.S. Perhaps you should be a tad more discreet when gettin' some "strange". Everyone knows!
Your weaknesses include: indecision; a lack of balls; poor self-evaluation; easily persuaded; and believing you're own bullsh*t. You're a knee-jerk reactor and a jerk in general. Perhaps you should next study under a magician since you're good with smoke and mirrors.
I do want to give you props for being an excellent binge-drinker, party animal, airhead, "company man" and all-around ass clown. I can respect an outright assh&le. It's the covert ones like you that pretend to care that make my skin crawl. Hope that selling your soul to the Devil was worth the vajay-jay you now have in the place of what I assume would've been your snack-size sausage link.
P.S. Perhaps you should be a tad more discreet when gettin' some "strange". Everyone knows!
#2 "C*NTZILLA"
You're expert at exuding bad attitude and a pro at being condescending. That's why you're C*ntzilla. You can take down an entire town and reduce someone to rubble in seconds. You're also the epitome of what females should not aspire to become. You're manipulative, self-serving, self-absorbed, and downright douchey. You like to divide people and talk sh&t about them to advance your own agenda. If someone isn't on your side, then you always find a way to push them out. A team player you're not-- unless you and your buddy Carp Crotch (because she smells like an entire ocean of dead fish) are hoppin' on Sackless Wonder's genital area.
Since we've established that he has an MIA "fruit bowl", the two of you must be on an archaeological dig. All that surveying has curried you favor. Perhaps silly putty-titties and the disposition of a rabid badger are "en vogue." If so, you've got style for the ages. Otherwise, you're a pathetic excuse for a human being.
"Oh, no. There goes Canton, OH. Go, go, C*ntzilla!"
Since we've established that he has an MIA "fruit bowl", the two of you must be on an archaeological dig. All that surveying has curried you favor. Perhaps silly putty-titties and the disposition of a rabid badger are "en vogue." If so, you've got style for the ages. Otherwise, you're a pathetic excuse for a human being.
"Oh, no. There goes Canton, OH. Go, go, C*ntzilla!"
#1 "CRAZY EYES"
Since you think you're evolved, intelligent and superior, I thought I'd write a little poem for you. Forget the prose. Everything that needs to be said is spewed below. Forgive my imperfect rhyme, because I'm not as scholarly as you: Bwaaa haaaa haaaaa haaaaa!
Ode to the Un-Woke
You should've taken notes when I tried to teach you
But you didn't care, so let the beasts eat you.
Chirping like a bird to your mother hen
To hatch your plan-- but how did it end?
You're not a star (please);
You don't matter (ha-ha).
There is no happily-ever-after... for you.
A tool, a fool who chose to deceive.
In you no one can believe.
Because to you all men are bad
And they're out to get you (or get with you)
Thanks to your issues with dad.
What you don't know is that you're... sad
And fake and a little lazy.
You should've earned it.
And not burned it,
Mizz Mother F*ckin' Crazy.
Happy New Year to *all* of yous...
Ode to the Un-Woke
You should've taken notes when I tried to teach you
But you didn't care, so let the beasts eat you.
Chirping like a bird to your mother hen
To hatch your plan-- but how did it end?
You're not a star (please);
You don't matter (ha-ha).
There is no happily-ever-after... for you.
A tool, a fool who chose to deceive.
In you no one can believe.
Because to you all men are bad
And they're out to get you (or get with you)
Thanks to your issues with dad.
What you don't know is that you're... sad
And fake and a little lazy.
You should've earned it.
And not burned it,
Mizz Mother F*ckin' Crazy.
Happy New Year to *all* of yous...
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