Offenders for the week ending March 10, 2017:
(What is it with offensive men?!?! LOL)
This week's Slap-ees will receive a prescription from Dr. Vogel.
This week's Slap-ees will receive a prescription from Dr. Vogel.
Get ready for the thug life, Luis!
#3 LOUIS TOMLINSON
The former One Direction-er went down a one-way street of rage when he assaulted a paparazzo at the L.A. airport. Someonegot a little too close, and Louis pulled him down by the legs, causing the commoner to hit his head on the ground. Then... he got into a scrum with an onlooker who was taking some video of the whole melee.
Tsk, tsk tsk.
I thought you British pop stars were a bit more proper. Are you upset because he called you "Loo-iss" instead of "Loo-ee"? He can't help that your parents gave you a name that has a different pronunciation from its spelling. Geez. Or is it because deep down inside your inner Ricky Martin wishes you were named "Luis"? What ever the case, get a grip! Can photogs be annoying? Hecks-to-the-yeah! Loo-ee's attorney says his client was 'provoked.' Probably. But that's the game so they can get a good pic. You should know this by now!
By the way, the photographer and onlooker made citizens' arrests! Classic! Well, Luis, have fun in court on the 29th.
Dr. Vogel prescribes: A 1,000 mg tablet of Chill-The-F*ck-Out, every hour.
Tsk, tsk tsk.
I thought you British pop stars were a bit more proper. Are you upset because he called you "Loo-iss" instead of "Loo-ee"? He can't help that your parents gave you a name that has a different pronunciation from its spelling. Geez. Or is it because deep down inside your inner Ricky Martin wishes you were named "Luis"? What ever the case, get a grip! Can photogs be annoying? Hecks-to-the-yeah! Loo-ee's attorney says his client was 'provoked.' Probably. But that's the game so they can get a good pic. You should know this by now!
By the way, the photographer and onlooker made citizens' arrests! Classic! Well, Luis, have fun in court on the 29th.
Dr. Vogel prescribes: A 1,000 mg tablet of Chill-The-F*ck-Out, every hour.
"Oh, baybeeeeeeee i'm longing for youuuuuuu..."
#2 JOHN MAYER
Oh, you perpetual man-ho! His ex, Katy Perry, just broke up with Orlando Bloom, and guess who's swooping in for the kill? Yup. This rocket man. He called her up to see how she's doing:
"He just wanted to make sure she's okay."
Of course. And to make sure the buffet is open if he's hungry. Geesh! Well, they were soulmates... until he cheated. Dude thinks he's some kind of superhero, right?:
John Mayer, The Poon Slayer
You'd think, after all his years of turning the female celebrity "A" list into the "Ahhh" list, he'd be a bit savvier.
P.S. Give it a minute. She hasn't even had a chance to air it out yet!
Dr. Vogel prescribes: A pair of compression tighty whities to keep that thing in check. (Make that two pair.)
"He just wanted to make sure she's okay."
Of course. And to make sure the buffet is open if he's hungry. Geesh! Well, they were soulmates... until he cheated. Dude thinks he's some kind of superhero, right?:
John Mayer, The Poon Slayer
You'd think, after all his years of turning the female celebrity "A" list into the "Ahhh" list, he'd be a bit savvier.
P.S. Give it a minute. She hasn't even had a chance to air it out yet!
Dr. Vogel prescribes: A pair of compression tighty whities to keep that thing in check. (Make that two pair.)
JUSTICE
#1 HUNTER BIDEN
It's a real-life soap opera unfolding with the Bidens. The late Beau Biden's widow, Hallie, is dating Hunter-- her former brother-in-law (and Beau's bro). Her married former brother-in-law. (We need a Hallmark card for this.) I'm not trying to be judge-y here. Perhaps their mutual grief brought them closer.... yeah, I find this a little suspect. Did these two have feelings for each other while married to their respective spouses? Well, Hunter is separated and supposedly papa Joe and mama Jill approve. Whatever.
Now, Hunter's estranged wife Kathleen is throwin' so much shade she's causing an eclipse. This is what she's airing out:
1. He loves some drugs and prostitutes.
2. He spends money on his own interests: travel, alcohol, strip clubs....
3. He can't support his three children and can't pay his bills (housekeeper, medical bills, therapists.)
Hallie-- you best Bide-n your time and then run from this obvious disease-harboring douchebag! And you, Hunter-- I've decided to change your name to C*nt-er. You're that repulsive.
Dr. Vogel prescribes: One wooden box. Crawl inside, shut the lid, and proceed to stop breathing. Permanently.
Now, Hunter's estranged wife Kathleen is throwin' so much shade she's causing an eclipse. This is what she's airing out:
1. He loves some drugs and prostitutes.
2. He spends money on his own interests: travel, alcohol, strip clubs....
3. He can't support his three children and can't pay his bills (housekeeper, medical bills, therapists.)
Hallie-- you best Bide-n your time and then run from this obvious disease-harboring douchebag! And you, Hunter-- I've decided to change your name to C*nt-er. You're that repulsive.
Dr. Vogel prescribes: One wooden box. Crawl inside, shut the lid, and proceed to stop breathing. Permanently.
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