"I will give you access to all my exclusive content and tell you all my secrets and breaking news before anyone else. You will get personal diaries, video updates. exclusive personal photos, fashion and beauty tutorials, shopping guides, behind the scenes content, my favorite products and much more..."
I can only imagine what off-the-wall-bizarro advice she's going to dole out. She's going to make Gwyneth's vag-steaming seem tame. Seriously, what lifestyle advice can she actually offer?
1. How to treat your vag like a 24-hour buffet.
2. How to botox overload and look like a Russian hooker.
3. How to look fierce on the pavement after falling down drunk.
Let's all take a bet now to see how long this lasts. Seems like way too much work for LiLo.
"When was the last time an actor assassinated a president?"
HA HA HA! That sure is a knee-slapper! But, Johnny is sorry. Truly.
"I apologize for the bad joke I attempted (sic) in poor taste about President Trump... It did not come out as intended, and I intended no malice. I was only trying amuse, not to harm anyone."
Obviously, you would never be able to pull off an assassination because you're too under the influence of... something. Why not focus on your financial woes, anger issues and try to figure out how you became a joke?
"... 5 to 7 town halls this summer in which he would warn young people about issues related to sexual assault allegations."
The idea of this taint-pimple educating anyone is laughable. There should be a town hall on how to not get roofied by a fossil d*ck. But I digress. Anywho, Cosby said the town halls are a no-go:
"The current propaganda that I am going to conduct a sexual assault tour is false. Any further information about public plans will be given at the appropriate time."
What time is that? 5-past her drugged-ass on the floor?
Such the waffler, Willie. Perhaps your next gig will be at the Waffle House. You could drug the waffles.... not that you're guilty of any shady behavior.