Haus of V
  • Home
  • 'Wright Here
  • Write Now
  • Right On
  • The V Spot
  • Celebrity Slap
  • Crack Wise
  • Contact

Will-Full (of it)

8/5/2022

 
​Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
​

Picture

Offenders for the week ending August 5th, 2022:

via GIPHY

#3 JOJO SIWA
It's so cute when celebrities fight. Grab the popcorn because public pettiness is a great form of entertainment. JoJo, who I think is famous from some reality TV show, is feuding with Candace Cameron Bure. It all started when JoJo was asked on a podcast who was the rudest star, and she said Candace. Why, because Candace didn't take a picture with her at the Fuller House premiere. So, Candace responded with a Bible verse. Then her daughter said something, and then JoJo's mom got involved...and the ultimate who-gives-a-f*ck social media catfight began. Now, JoJo's momma is saying:

“Real, genuine kindness always goes a long way. It’s super easy to quote a Bible verse when everyone is looking at you but morals are what you have when no one is looking.”

True. But all people have bad moments. And maybe, just maybe-- your daughter is a bit asshat-y. The reason she's getting slapped? I would never answer the question "who's the rudest celebrity you've ever met?" Because true rude people are known. No need to keep spreading hate. The reason she's probs the rudes to JoJo? Their belief systems do not align. 

#realtalk


via GIPHY

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW
This bish. Not only does she peddle bullsh*t products and "health" practices, but apparently-- she's got it tough. Check that. Her children do. I know, pass the Kleenex. Not. She said it's really hard for celeb kids because they have to work harder because they're privileged. 

"As the child of someone, you get access other people don't have, so the playing field is not level in that way. However, I really do feel that once your foot is in the door, which you unfairly got in, then you almost have to work twice as hard and be twice as good. Because people are ready to pull you down.” 

Cue the violins.

The reason why it's tough for your kids is one is named Apple and the other is Moses.

One's a fruit, and the other's on a mountain waiting for you to STFU so he can come back down.

via GIPHY

#1 WILL SMITH
Just when you thought "the slap" would go away. It won't. Because Will won't stop addressing it. Will took to social media to apologize to Chris Rock. Though he hasn't done it personally to Chris, because Chris isn't ready. So, Will said "sorry" to Chris' mom, his family, and Tony.

"There’s no part of me that thinks that’s the optimal way to handle a feeling of disrespect or insults... If you hang on, I promise we’ll be able to be friends again.”

Yes. Because we used to hang out at Swenson's and then go home and braid each other's hair. Stop it! Why go public? Need  to push an upcoming movie? Zip your lip until you actually speak to your victim first. Which he is not interested in doing. In fact, Chris addressed it on stage this way:

“Everybody is trying to be a f—ing victim. If everybody claims to be a victim, then nobody will hear the real victims. Even me getting smacked by Suge Smith … I went to work the next day, I got kids. Anyone who says words hurt has never been punched in the face.”

For the record, Will said that Jada made him apologize publicly. Which is only fitting since her death stare is what got everyone in this situation in the first place.

Please take your midlife crisis off of social media. Jada needs you to rub her feet.

Wild Thing

10/8/2021

 
​Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Picture

​​Offender for the week ending October 8, 2021:    

via GIPHY

#3 CLARE CRAWLEY & DALE MOSS
This is why reality TV has ruined everything. Because we take "normal" people, give them a platform, and revel in their dysfunction. Clare and Dale would be two people we'd steer away from IRL because of their drama, but now? We're down with the mess because we realize their "celebrity" makes them no better than the rest of us with "situations".

These two have been on-again, off-again since Clare blew up Bachelor Nation by leaving her season of the Bachelorette a week in because she found "the one" with Dale. Apparently, he enjoys sharing his "one thing" with other ladies-- and they're done for good. For now. Clare has accused Dale of not being there for her as her mother is dying, for being a publicity hound, and for hooking-up with fellow Bachelor Nation member Abigail Herenger.

Abigail confirmed the encounter with Dale, but was under the presumption that things weren't serious between Dale and Clare. Girl, you're not the first one to ever hear that tale. So, we'll spare you the slap hand. Meanwhile, Dale and Clare-- brace yourselves. You two need to quit each other for good and move on. You don't want the same things and you can't bend another to your will. That's for you, Clare. Dale-- slink away and stop pretending to be a good guy.

via GIPHY

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW
I had hoped she had disappeared, but she's baaaaack, with some other bullsh&t product that we don't need and that she's not qualified to sell: a female libido enhancer. Called DTF. Yes, DTF stands for exactly what it stands for on the streets: Down To F&ck.

While I will give her kudos for catchy product names, there is no way in hell anybody should be buying her overpriced shizz. Seriously. Buy overpriced stuff from someplace else. Anywho, perhaps she was feeling not-so-frisky herself, and therefore felt she would give women a product they can't get anywhere else (but can):

"Everyday stress and anxiety, hormonal changes, exhaustion, age... these can impact our libido and sexual health. So yes, we (with our science and research team) created a supplement that REALLY helps."

DTF contains Libifem fenugreek and shatavari (which sounds like somebody swearing at us) to get things...flowing... while improving mood. 

Look, B. Women have wine for all of that. And maybe some women need to consciously uncouple from the "D" for a hot minute. 

Don't you have a vageen to steam?

via GIPHY

#1 CHARLIE SHEEN
He's so likable as an actor, so loathe-able as a person. And he's such a complete d*ck because he
can-- especially to those that have put up with his b.s. over the decades. The guy that brought tiger blood and #winning into our vernacular can't stop torturing ex-wife Denise Richards. His drug use and wandering wang tore their marriage apart, but she remained amenable and available for the sake of their kids-- who have now turned on her, thanks to Charlie. She even helped raise his children with his second ex-wife so the children would bond and get to know each other better!

Daughter Sam has decided to move in with daddy because she can't tolerate the rules in Denise's house. And even though Charlie is supposedly behind in child support, payments for Sam have been stopped. So, Denise will have to go to court for that. Charlie is playing "good cop" to Denise's supposed "bad cop":

"Everything's a big party. (at Charlie's house). He plays this game with the kids. (sweetening them up) with ice cream and movies and staying up late."

What's next? Mutual drug use. You're quickly becoming a primo POS.

Charlie Sheen
You're so mean
You have a tiny ween
So small it can't be seen
And what's there is probably unclean

What Goes Around Comes Around

5/21/2021

 
​Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Picture

​​Offenders for the week ending May 21, 2021:     

via GIPHY

#3 PORSHA WILLIAMS, Castmember/Real Housewives of Atlanta
Messy. Straight up messy. That's the only way to describe a person who gets engaged to her friend's ex-husband two months after "dating" him. Oh, and fiance Simon Guobadia's divorce isn't final yet. Minor detail. But who cares? Porsha is just so damned happy!

"Our relationship began a month ago-- and yes we are crazy in love. I know it's fast but we are living life each day to its fullest. I choose happiness every morning and every night. Tuning out all negative energy and only focused on positive wishes. He makes me so happy and to me, that is what matters most."

Oh. So he kisses your big booty. Because you are a lot of woman to handle. Lots of baggage you're hauling around. Good luck on your third engagement. Next time, try dating from a pool not flowing into your friends group. 

via GIPHY

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW
This b&tch. Seriously. This. B&tch. Quarantine was rough on a lot of people. So many went through it. Hard. But apparently things were so hard for Gwynie, her diet suffered. She binged on quinoa-based cocktails every night and ate tons of... BREAD! Nooooo! 

Really? Drinking your coochie-wah whiskey named after your grandpappy because you come from money and have tons of money isn't roughing it. And eating your luxury bread and pasta? Try ramen and cold Spaghetti Os from the can. But thank you, social media, for leveling-up the snarky responses:

"Everybody, please let's have a moment of silence. Things got really bad for Gwyneth Paltro during quarantine. She broke down and ate bread. I know, I know... tragic."

"In 2020, for 99% of the planet, breaking down = emotional collapse at loss of loved one, livelihood, home. For Paltrow it meant eating bread."

I know some place she can shove a French loaf...

via GIPHY

​#1 CHRISSY TEIGEN
I loathe thieves and hypocrites. Chrissy is the Queen of Hypocrisy. While she spews her platitudes and virtue signals everyone publicly, she herself is a complete douche. She called out Matthew Perry and Ben Affleck for being "creepy" for being on the Raya dating app. Who asked you #1? And #2, who cares?

Then, Courtney Stodden refreshed Chrissy's memory-- publicly-- about all the times she bullied her. She showed the receipts of screenshots where Chrissy tweeted that a teenage Courtney should take a "dirt nap" and DM'd her that she should "go kill herself." Imagine that, the woke folk worst than the average folk who have enough character to not bully someone. Of course, Chrissy is all kinds of sorry, calling herself:

                                     "(then) a sad, insecure, attention seeking troll". 

Past tense. Really? Still present tense. You're still a troll, and still attention-seeking, Like that not-so-original stunt of leaving Twitter because you needed a break, only to return a week later, because... attention needed! Sorry not sorry you lost a couple of endorsements over your past actions. Karma is ultimately woke, because there is no discrimination. She visits everyone.

Funbags & Moneybaggs

2/19/2021

 
Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!
Picture

​Offenders for the week ending February 19, 2021:

via GIPHY

#3 Reality TV-er MADISON LECROY of Southern Charm (but that's not her in the GIF)
​From spreading to rumors to possibly spreading her home-wrecking legs, this reality TV "star" knows the game-- out of sight, out of mind. So stay in "sight". From rumored affairs with Jay Cutler and A-Rod, and now getting that body tight and right for her prowling and pouncing. At least she admits to all her new plastic surgery-- unlike many celebs. Of course, she said it was not for vanity purposes:

"I never thought I would need, much less want, plastic surgery. However, after giving birth to a 10lb baby eight years ago, I no longer felt confident in my own skin... there are areas that don't quite bounce back to where they were originally."

You do you, boo. And apparently anything with a hang-low... I give her an "A" for keeping her name out there.  Whether she's a ho or a no, she's getting some pub. That, and maybe a disease. Who knows?

P.S. Is a vaj rejuv next? Cuz we know that's like a 10-wide L.A.-type highway you got going there.

via GIPHY

#2 Rapper, MONEYBAGG YO
I don't know who in the af this is. And I'm okay with that. But with a name like "Moneybagg Yo" you deserved to be slapped. But the real reason you deserve to be slapped is your lack of awareness. See, Mr. Yo took to the socials to brag about all the money he's made during these "unprecedented times". You know, a time when people have lost their jobs, can't go anywhere, and some have died. Good times.

"... not gone lie I made a couple of Ms in da pandemic, ion want it to end. I feel like the pandemic help a lot of people."

It's helped us? Please drink a water tower-sized portion of STFU. We're all so glad the pandemic hit cuz life was just so sad and boring. The Bag tried to apologize after the socials raged against him, though:

"I apologize to everyone I offended my comment was very insensitive it was not my intent to hurt anyone."

Apparently, it wasn't your intent to use proper grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure, but you made your pile so, whatevs....

I really think your name should be Dickbagg Tho

via GIPHY

#1 GWYNETH PALTROW
I didn't find her irritating as an actress. But as a human and self-proclaimed lifestyle guru, I find her extremely not tolerable. From her pimping "affordable" $3,000 spring wardrobes, to coochie steaming, and candles that smell like her vaj, comes the latest-- a Gwynie designed "intimate massager."

She said she had a lot of time on her hands (so to speak) during the QT, so why not channel some good vibes for her channel? I, frankly, don't want to share any connection with this wench. And secondly, charging $95 for a vibe that looks like a giant lollipop ain't tight. Leave the good times to that Adam & Eve website. Stick to being what you're good at-- a self-absorbed, out-of-touch "elite." 

It's not that you've really done something offensive to top The Slap this week, except existing in general. You're like a grain of sand in a clam-- but you don't turn into a pearl. You just give the clam an infection...

Quaranweenie

3/20/2020

 
Offenders for the week ending March 20, 2020:

via GIPHY

#3 TAMRA JUDGE, former Real Housewives of Orange County cast member
Grown people aren't necessarily grown-- as in mature. And Tamara has always been one to prove it. She took to social media (of course) to blast follow cast member and now former friend Shannon Beador for re-kindling a friendship with Kelly Dodd-- current cast member and perpetual nasty shade thrower. 

         "Fake friends are like a shadow. They follow you in the sun but leave you in the dark."

That was followed up with an unfollow of Shannon.

You're a grandmother. Not a high schooler.  Mending fences is something we should try to do, right? 

Perhaps you're angry that you were fired from the show, er, "decided to leave" the show. But Kelly and Shannon are still taking home that big paycheck... Hmmmm...


via GIPHY

#2 JUAN PABLO GALAVIS, former The Bachelor contestant
Proving you can't keep a dick down, Juan Pablo has opened his mouth to fit both of his feet into. He was known as the villain of the entire franchise (until Barb Weber took his crown), and he's proving why he earned that title and why he's a complete cooch donkey. He can't stop throwing shade at the new Bachelorette Clare Crawley-- the runner up on his season of The Bachelor. 

Why? Because 22 of her potential suitors are in their 20s, and she's making headlines for being 38 and looking for love. He tweeted: 

"I just SAW the GUYS for @Clare_Crawley Bachelorette season and its gonna be INTERESTING seeing HER get hit on by KIDS on their 20s. I think this MIGHT be the 3rd season Im gonna watch." 

Clare responded: "And yet here you are, older than 99% of them and still can't practice compassion and kindness."

Ouch.

You're just upset that she told you what's-what on your season. Burn...

P.S. ABC is recruiting more age-appropriate fellas for Clare. Happy?


via GIPHY

#1 GWYNETH PALTROW
If you're gonna get COVID-19, you might as well look fresh and fab! Gwynie takin' heat for being "tone deaf" in the midst of this pandemic because GOOP just had to push their annual "fresh sneaker guide," while other lifestyle gurus (self-proclaimed like G or actual real ones) are trying to bestow upon us valuable information/tips/ideas. From her Instagram:

"Most days you'll find GP wearing G.Label with a pair of sneakers-- which is one reason we make it an annual tradition to put together a fresh sneaker guide each year. Get ready to cover some serious ground (run, don't walk.)"

Sigh. Can I get a roll of toilet paper with each shoe at least? 

Perhaps your snazzy sneaks can get you into Wuhan. Seems like a good place for a GOOP-er to vacay...

Maybe her brain has been quarantined... permanently.

Wilted Rose

8/9/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending August 10, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 GIGI HADID
I'm not into the reality show The Bachelorette. But I have plenty of friends and social media that's all about it, so I know what's happened. Tyler Cameron was the 2nd place "winner" but then ended up going out with Bachelorette Hannah after the show though he didn't win... and then in another soap opera turn, he decided to hang out with model Gigi Hadid. He's a tool, cuz not only is he swinging his schlong all over the place-- he missed a court appearance in Florida to go out with Gigi. But I digress.

This slap is about Gigi.

Girl, you are the "it" supermodel right now. You can have the best of the all-beef franks out there, and you're choosing a reality TV show creep? He's not even cute. And, he's obviously looking to keep his name out there by taking you out. Why entertain this fool? Are you slumming it? Best get a big supply of batteries instead of grabbing any sausage sammie that's available.

Wake up!

via GIPHY

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW
Haven't heard a nauseating peep from this one in ages, and then-- BAM! Made the list for a second week in a row. Last week, this offensive wench was worried about being "f&ckable" at her age, and now she dropped some eff bombs on Instagram Live when someone dared to question her cooking abilities:

"Do I actually cook? Yes, I f*cking cook! Goddamnit. You think I would write -- you think I would pretend to write cookbooks if I didn't cook?"

Uhmmm... yeah. There are plenty of "cooks" who write books and don't cook. Egads! So trashy for someone who claims to be so classy. Touchy much? Rule #1: don't engage a troll on social media. And if you do, no nastiness. Be savvy. 

Bet you won' like it when I call you a "testicle junkie"... now, go make me a gourmet grilled cheese.

via GIPHY

#1 SHEP ROSE, Southern Charm cast member
This guy comes across as this cool-every-dude, but he's got teeth. and ol' boy bites. Hard. Not so southern charming. After watching him on this show, he's just a big man-child. With a ton of family money. He doesn't have to work, gets mailbox money on the regular, and has no problem asserting his "intelligence" and "superiority" over the peasants.

In a really sh&tty move, the 40-year-old frat boy thought it'd be funny to record video of himself harassing a homeless woman in New York collecting cans. He said:

                                     "Look at me. Nice cans! I mean, the cans you have!"

HA HA HA! Not. That's the funniest joke ever. Get it. Cans? Lame. Then, when the woman covered her face and yelled "No!", he refused to stop.

His fans eviscerated him on social media. But, he cares about no one.

"Omg. I offended you! Ok. Here's the plan, sensitivity training 5 times per week. Then intensive therapy (hot yoga?) followed by a public flogging in the town square. Then i move to Siberia and live in an igloo for 4 months. At this point. I think I'll be cleansed of your disapproval."

He also tweeted that people should simply unfollow him.

I'd say I'm shocked by his lack of compassion, but I'm not. You should be grateful every day that you will never be in that woman's situation. Disgusting. Degrading. Disrespectful. What a crap blower you are!

Slappable

8/2/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending August 2, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 LUANN de LESSEPS, Real Housewives of New York City Castmember
Despite her multiple trips to rehab and her arrest, her lawsuit from her children, this chick still thinks she's a classy dame. 

Ol' girl has been making ends meet with a cabaret show. Mind you, she can't really sing. Like, turtles banging sound better. But, she's riding on the notoriety of her misdeeds and her reality TV show life. So much so that she claimed she was cast in Chicago on Broadway. She said during the recent RHONY reunion:

"I want to tell you all right now, that for someone who can't sing, I just got cast... So, you know, take that and shove it up your ass. How's that?"

Is this language you'd advise us to use in one of your etiquette handbooks? Okay, then. Why don't you shove something up your ass? Like your lies. No Chicago for you, though your people claim there's a scheduling conflict. Nice going, former Count-ass.

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW
So, people still interview her because she's still famous. Sigh. But she was getting deep with some talk show host about women and aging, and how it's so tough for her because people think she's beautiful and now she's getting older. WAAAAH!

Yup. It happens.

"To get wrinkles, like, get closer to menopause, and all these things... what happens to your identity as a woman if you're not f&ckable and beautiful?"

Uh, my answer would be that you could always f*ck yourself...

Oh, and you can take comfort knowing that you're always slappable...

P.S. Don't you have something on that GOOP website of yours that can make you more... coitus-able?


#1 KATHY GRIFFIN
Some people are so repulsive to me, I'd rather have 10 consecutive pap smears than hear their name mentioned ever again. This is how I feel about our #1 offender. I've tried to like her. I've tried to find her funny. I can't.

All she seems to be good at is spewing nastiness and beefin' with whomever she feels like. Her latest victim: Andy Cohen.

"She's made up a lot of stuff about me in the past few years that has just been untrue and sad. I hope she finds some peace."

She's also feuding with Ellen DeGeneres, Perez Hilton, and Harvey Levin. Guess when you're trying to find relevance, you just fight with someone to get out there. Even though she says she's trying to find her peace in life after the Donald Trump photo scandal.

We prefer she find peace on another planet.

Box Off

6/14/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending June 14, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 TRISTAN THOMPSON
Not only is Tristan a no-good, trouser wanderer, but he's the king of double standards. The former flame and baby daddy of Khloe Kardashian allegedly paid his first baby momma more than $100,000 to not date other men-- even though he was already dating Khloe. Jordan Craig said the money was to keep her "on call", and that she used the funds to care for their son and to pay back loans to her mother and sister.

Tristan started cheating with Khloe right after he discovered Jordan was pregnant. Nice.

First of all, please use contraceptives. Second, can we stop living our lives like a Lifetime movie?

via GIPHY

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW
This wenchbag is just looney. She's married to Brad Falchuk, but they don't live together full time. Okay... I understand separate bedrooms for the snoring issue. I understand not living full time together when one person travels a lot for business. But the reason why these two don't live together is because they're a blended family. Brad has decided to keep his home to host his children from his first marriage when it's his week. Because this is a display of true unity and true step-parenting. Not! He has two kids, Gwynie has two. It's just easier to not try.

"I mean, sometimes that piece gets complicated when there are two teenage girls. If you're not all drinking the same Kool-Aid, it can be tough. I do think, though, at the end of the day, everyone wants the same thing, which is to feel love and and be accepted."

And nothing says "I love you" by not living together as a family. Sigh. Blending families is a challenge. But the way to handle that is to work through it.

​Why did you even get married?

via GIPHY

#1 JUSTIN BIEBER
Guess the Beebs felt he wasn't getting enough attention in the press, so let's generate some! Well, kudos for continually proving what a toolbag you truly are. For whatever reason, he decided to challenge Tom Cruise to an MMA match, saying the actor isn't that much of a badass like he is in the movies. So, he threw this down on Twitter:

"I wanna challenge Tom Cruise to a fight in the octagon. Tom if you don't take this fight your scared and you will never live it down. Who is willing to put on the fight? @danawhite?" 

For all his blabbing about what a "changed" person he is, he really isn't. He's supposed to have found God and is all zen, and is all married and matured. HA HA HA HA!

Still don't understand why he's picking on Maverick. As for questioning Tom's physical abilities, it's called acting. You know, where you pretend to be a character you're not. It's not like Tom is scaling buildings or fighting with skells. He's playing a role. Plus, this is just silly. What grown man would respond to some manchild's ultimatum? And, why are you messing with the poster boy of Scientology?

​They could disappear you. 

Wait. That would be a good thing. Please, keep challenging Tom. 

Leggo Your Ego

12/7/2018

 
Offenders for the week ending December 7, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 MADONNA
I think it's a well-established fact that you are, indeed, the Queen of Pop. You dominated for two decades and are still in the public eye-- but for more desperate reasons nowadays than for doing anything worthy. Can't you be pleased that you blazed a trail for other female artists after you? That's right. Your massive ego is just as potent as your crotch stank and has apparently squashed any rational thought. 

Again, Madge is pissed at Lady Gaga-- accusing her of stealing a quote from her from the 80s. During interviews for "A Star is Born," Gaga said:

"There can be 100 people in a room and 99 of them don't believe in you, but all it takes is one who does and it just changes your whole life."

How dare she! Because 30 years ago, Madonna said:

"If there's 100 people in a room and 99 say they liked it, I only remember the one person who didn't."

Okay. But Gaga's quote spotlights the positive, while Madonna's the negative. Madonna must've been feeling neglected. Sure she's going to post some naked pics on the Insta to make herself feel better. Vurp. The comparisons between Madonna and Gaga naturally happened, like the comparisons between Mariah and Whitney when Mariah first came on the scene. It's called a reference point. 

Nothing better than looking like an over-sensitive has-been...

via GIPHY

#2 GWYNETH PALTROW
Dear Santa... all I want for Christmas is this affront to females to STFU. Please. Apparently, she's related to Al Gore because she's crediting herself for inventing things she did not. 

If you've ever done yoga, it's because she made it a "thing." WTH?

"I remember when I started doing yoga and people were like, 'What is yoga?' She's a witch. She's a freak.' Forgive me if this comes out wrong, but I went to do a yoga class in L.A. recently and the 22-year-old girl behind the counter was like, 'Have you ever done yoga before?' And I literally turned to my friend, and I was like, 'You have this job because I've done yoga before.'"

Wow! Well, I'll give ya the 'witch' part...

Gwynie reminds me of the South Park episode where all the pretentious people get high off of their own farts. Anywho, this poor 22-year-old has no idea who you are because you haven't done anything relevant since..... ? No wonder you and Madonna are scissor sisters. 

Here's something I hope you invent: a yoga move in which you're able to stick your head up your own ass and disappear. 

via GIPHY

​#1 NATALIE PORTMAN
In a recent interview, Natalie took a shot at Jessica Simpson for her confusion about sexuality as a child. 

?

Yup. Back in the late 90s, Jessica was the chick. Jessica was also proudly vocal about being a virgin. So Natalie was confused when she saw Jessica posing in a bikini for a magazine cover.

"I remember being a teenager, and there was Jessica Simpson on the cover of a magazine saying 'I'm a virgin,' while wearing a bikini, and I was confused. Like, I don't know what this is trying to tell me as a woman, as a girl."

How 'bout nothing? That virgins don't wear sacks and hide under their beds until it's time to embrace the wang. That virgins are people, too, and sometimes they have smokin' hot bodies!

Jessica clapped back:

"I was taught to be myself and honor the different ways all women express themselves, which is why I believed then-- and believe now-- that being sexy in a bikini and being proud of my body are not synonymous with having sex.. I have made it my practice to not shame women for their choices. In this era of Time's Up and all the great work you have done for women, I encourage you to do the same.'

Boom!

Another example of these "empowering" p*ssy hat women taking shots at other women. Grrrrr.

P.S. I hate your perfume commercials.

No One's "Pal"

11/2/2018

 
Offenders for the week ending November 2, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 LANDON CLEMENTS, former cast member on Southern Charm
​Bitch almost ruined dolphins for me-- because she sounds like one when she talks. And not in a cute "come swim with me" kind of way. More like, I-need-to-shove-hot-pokers-in-my-ears-to-stop-the-pain kind of way.

She's always looking for love and never finding it. She constantly bemoaned the failure of her first marriage. First, the blame was shared by both parties. And then, he was the rectum twister for being controlling and possessive, and blah, blah, blah-- whatever made for good "reality" TV.

If dude was such a douche, why would you publicly celebrate the 10th anniversary of your wedding? This gold-diggin' famewhore:

"My sister in law (ex) just reached out to wish me a happy what would have been my 10th wedding anniversary. It is sort of bittersweet but if something is not working for you find the strength to walk away. Learn the lessons and try to keep a smile on your face."

And like Elsa: Let it go.... Let it gooooooooo!

Post something we'd actually care about-- like your permanent banishment from the female gender. 

via GIPHY

#2 HAUNTED HOOCHIE (aka Dead Acres)
It's rare when a brand or non-person makes the list, but you'll soon understand. The Haunted Hoochie is not Kim Kardashian's crotch. It's a haunted house in Ohio that has stirred it up. For 28 years, the attraction has held "Swastika Saturday". If this weren't bad enough, we all know that last Saturday was the deadly shooting at a synagogue in Pittsburgh. Yet, the owners felt no need to pull the promotion. Because, you know, it's tradition. SMH. 

Look, I'm not politically correct. But I do have common sense. And sensitivity. Unlike long-time patrons that defended the promotion. Because, again, it's tradition... and has nothing to do with hate. Do you know what a swastika symbolizes? 

swas·ti·ka
/ˈswästəkə/
noun
  1. an ancient symbol in the form of an equal-armed cross with each arm continued at a right angle, used (in clockwise form) as the emblem of the German Nazi Party.


A party of... hate. 

Well, the owners are really sorry-- now. They will no longer support costumes or musical acts or anything that promotes hate. Dumb can't be defended. Sure would suck if some gang member-types showed up at your place... 


via GIPHY

​#1 GWYNETH PALTROW
Two weeks in a row, but you top this list this week. Why? Because you're irresponsible! Sure, you have "people" that are supposed to mind the manor, but you are the name and the face of the brand. So, you're ultimately the one who answers for everything. 

You've come up with quite the list and items of things we need to do to our bodies, but now the time has come for you to just stop. Stop! 

This time, she's recommending moms-to-be take her supplements called: The Mother Load. The supplements contain a high amount of vitamin A, according to critics. Too much vitamin A during pregnancy can lead to birth defects and liver toxicity. Well, phooey, say Goop's PR machine:

"When used as recommended, Goop's The Mother Load supplements are safe during pregnancy. The Mother Load contains a very moderate 450 mcg (1500 IU) of vitamin, which is less than the recommended daily intake of 600 mcg per day."

Aside: does this item have to be named "load"? Isn't that how a woman gets into the preggo predicament in the first place?

Anywho, the product isn't recommended by the NHS or the WHO. Oops.

You're no lifestyle expert, Gwen. So please, exit the planet.

<<Previous

    About The Slap

    I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)

    Archives

    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014

    Categories

    All
    50 Cent
    Aaron Carter
    Aaron Rodgers
    Abby Lee Miller
    Abuse
    Adam Levine
    Airlines
    Albert Belle
    Alec Baldwin
    Alex Rodriguez
    Alex Rodriquez
    Allison Mack
    Al Pacino
    ALSC
    Always
    Alyssa Milano
    Amazon
    Amber Heard
    American Idol
    Amie Harwick
    Am Writing
    Am Writng
    Am Wrting
    Andy Cohen
    Andy Dick
    Angela Lansbury
    Angelina Jolie
    Anna Duggar
    Annoying
    Anthony Michael Hall
    Antonio Brown
    Ariana Grande
    Arie Luyendyk Jr
    Ariel Winter
    Armie Hammer
    Ashley Darby
    Ashley Jacobs
    Ashton Kutcher
    Asia Argento
    Asians
    Atlantic Records
    Audio
    Aunt Becky
    Austen Kroll
    Azealia Banks
    Baby Has No Name
    Bac Chyna
    Bachelor In Paradise
    Bachelor Nation
    Backstreet Boys
    Bad Baby Names
    Barbara Weber
    Bella Hadid
    Ben Affleck
    Ben Dreyfuss
    Bethenny Frankel
    Bette Midler
    Beyonce
    Bhad Bhabie
    Bigfoot
    Bill Belichick
    Billboard Music Awards
    Bill Clinton
    Bill Cosby
    Bill Gates
    Billie Lee
    Bill McFarland
    Bill Murray
    Bill O'Reilly
    Billy Ray Cyrus
    Bishop Charles Ellis The Third
    Blac Chyna
    Black Widow
    Blake Shelton
    Blink-182
    BLM
    Bobby Flay
    Boy Bands
    Brad Pitt
    Brandi Glanville
    Brandon Blackstock
    Bravo
    Bravo TV
    Brawnwyn Windham-Burke
    Brian Austin Green
    Bridgerton
    Brielle Biermann
    Britney Spears
    Brittany Cartwright
    Bruce Springsteen
    Bruce Willis
    Bryan Abrams
    Bryan Tanaka
    Bull
    Caitlyn Jenner
    Camille Cosby
    Cancel Culture
    Cardi B
    Carmelo Anthony
    Cash Me Outside
    Cavs
    CBS
    Cee Lo Green
    Celebriies
    Celebrites
    Celebrities
    Celebrities Behaving Badly
    Celebrity
    Celebrity Bad Behavior
    Celebrity Dirt
    Celebrity Gossip
    Celebrity Slap
    Celine Dion
    Cesar Milan
    Channing Tatum
    Charles Barkley
    Charlie D'Amelio
    Charlie Sheen
    Cheating
    Cheer
    Chelsea Handler
    Cher
    Child Porn
    Chris Brown
    Chris Brown Accused Of Assault Again
    Chris Cuomo
    Chris Daughtry
    Chris Noth
    Chris Rock
    Chrissy Teigen
    Christian Bale
    Cindy Crawford
    Clare Crawley
    Clayton Echard
    CNN
    Cody Simpson
    Colin Kaepernick
    Color Me Badd
    Comedy
    Common
    Connor McGreggor
    Corey Feldman
    Coronavirus
    Cosmo Magazine
    Courteney Cox
    COVID 19
    COVID-19
    Cuffe Owens
    Curling
    Dale Moss
    Dan Akyroyd
    Dance Moms
    Dane Cook
    Daniel Craig
    Danielle Bregoli
    Danielle Staub
    Daredevil
    David Hasselhoff
    David Irving
    Dean McDermott
    Deflategate
    Deflate Gate
    DeMario Jackson
    Demi Lovato
    Demi Moore
    Denise Richards
    Dennis Hof
    Dennis Rodman
    Diddy
    Die Hard
    Dina Lohan
    Diplo
    Disney
    Divorce
    DJ Khaled
    Doja Cat
    Dominic Cheated On His Wife
    Dominic West
    Donald Trump
    Donna Karan
    Doping
    Dorinda Medley
    Douchebag
    Dove
    Drake
    Drake Bell
    Dr. Dre
    Drew Carey
    Drinking Blood
    Drunk
    Duchess Kate
    Eddie Murphy
    Ed Sheeran
    Elisabeth Hasselbeck
    Eliza Dushku
    Elle Fanning
    Ellen DeGeneres
    Elon Musk
    Eminem
    Emma Watson
    Empire
    Enertainment
    Entertainment
    Erika Jayne
    Evangeline Lilly
    Evan Rachel Wood
    Ezra Miller
    Fabio
    Faith Evans
    Faith Hill
    Farrah Abraham
    Felicity Huffman
    Fergie
    FKA Twigs
    Football
    For Fun
    Frances Bean
    Fred Savage
    Fun
    Funny
    Fyre
    Gabbana
    Galentine's Day
    Gary Busey
    Gavin Rossdale
    Gayle King
    George Floyd
    George Takei
    Gigi Hadid
    GOOP
    Gordon Ramsey
    Gossip
    Grey's Anatomy
    Grimes
    Gwyneth Paltrow
    Hailey Baldwin
    Hailey Bieber
    Hannah Ann
    Hanson
    Harassment
    Harry Styles
    Harvey Weinstein
    Haunted Hoochie
    Haus Of V
    Hayden Panettiere
    Hayley Geftman-Gold
    Heather Locklear
    Heidi Montag
    Herpes
    #HiAshley
    Hoda Kotb
    Hoes
    Hollywood
    Hollywoood
    Honey Boo Boo
    Hope Solo
    Hot Felon
    Human Barbie
    Humor
    Humore
    Hunter Biden
    Inappropriate Behavior
    Ioan Gruffudd
    Isabella Rose
    Isaiah Thomas
    Isaiah Washington
    Jada Pinkett Smith
    Jake Paul
    James Corden
    James Toback
    Jamie Lynn Spears
    Jamie Spears
    Jana Kramer
    Jane Fonda
    Janice Dickinson
    Jared Fogle
    Ja Rule
    Jason Alexander
    Jason Derulo
    Jason Momoa
    Jason Sudeikis
    Jax Taylor
    Jay Cutler
    Jeff Bezos
    Jeffrey Toobin
    Jen Harley
    Jennifer Connell
    Jennifer Lawrence
    Jennifer Lopez
    Jen Shah
    Jeopardy!
    Jeph Loeb
    Jerry Harris
    Jersey Shore
    Jessie Smollett
    JetBlue
    Jim Edmonds
    JLo
    Joe Biden
    Joe Kennedy III
    Joey Buttafuoco
    John Cena
    John Grisham
    John Mayer
    Johnny Depp
    John Stamos
    John Travolta
    JoJo Siwa
    Jon Gosselin
    Jon Peters
    Jordyn Woods
    Jose Canseco
    Josh Duggar
    Joy Behar
    Juan Pablo
    Julian Assange
    Jussie Smollett
    Justice
    Justin Bieber
    Justin Hartley
    Kaitlyn Bristowe
    Kandi Burruss
    Kanye
    Kanye West
    Kardashians
    Kate Gosselin
    Kate Hudson
    Kate Moss
    Kate Plus 8
    Katharine McPhee
    Kathie Lee Gifford
    Kathryn Dennis
    Kathy Griffin
    Kathy Vogel
    Katie Thurston
    Katy Perry
    Ke$ha
    Keira Knightley
    Keith RIchards
    Kelly Bensimon
    Kelly Clarkson
    Kelly Dodd
    Kendall Jenner
    Kendra Wilkinson
    Kendrick Lamar
    Ken Jennings
    Kenya Moore
    Kevin Connolly
    Kevin Federline
    Kevin Hart
    Kevin Hunter
    Kevin Spacey
    Khloe Kardashian
    Kim Cattrall
    Kim Kardashian
    Kim Richards
    Kirstie Alley
    Kourtney Kardashian
    Kris Jenner
    Kristen Cavallari
    Kristen Doute
    Kristen Stewart
    Kurt Cobain
    Kyle Richards
    Kylie Jenner
    Kyrie Irving
    LaCroix
    Lady Gaga
    La La Anthony
    LaLa Kent
    Lama Odom
    Lamar Odom
    Lana Del Ray
    Landon Clements
    Larry Flynt
    Larry King
    Larsa Pipped
    Larsa Pippen
    Las Vegas
    Laura Ingalls Wilder
    Lauren Lowe
    Leah Remini
    Lea Michele
    LeeAnne Locken
    Leff Lowe
    Lenny Kravitz
    Leo Is Mr. Steal Yo Girl
    Liams Hemsworth
    Lil Nas X
    Lil Wayne
    Lily James
    Lindsay Lohan
    Lisa Bonet
    Lisa Rinna
    Lisa Vanderpump
    Little Debbie
    Logan Paul
    Lori Loughlin
    Louis CK
    Louis Tomlinson
    Luann De Leseps
    Luann De Lesseps
    Machine Gun Kelly
    Madison
    Madison LeCroy
    Madonna
    Malik Beasley
    Mama June
    Mariah Carey
    Marilyn Manson
    Mario Batali
    Marvel
    Mason Disick
    Matt Damon
    Matthew McConaughey
    Matthew Morrisson
    Matt Lauer
    Max Ehrich
    MCU
    Megan Fox
    Meghan Fox
    Meghan King
    Meghan King Edmonds
    Meghan Markle
    Meghan McCain
    Megyn Kelly
    Melanie Martinez
    Mel B
    Melissa Gorga
    #MeToo
    MGK
    MGk Gives Megan Fox A Thorn Engagement Ring
    MIchael Darby
    Michael Lohan
    Michael Phelps
    Michael Weatherly
    Michelle Branch
    Mickey Rourke
    Mike Conley
    Mike Shouhed
    Mike The Situation Sorrentino
    Mila Kunis
    Miley Cyrus
    Miranda Lambert
    Mission Impossible
    Mohamed Sanu
    Mom Fail
    Moneybagg Yo
    Montana Yao
    Myka Stauffer
    Naked And Stupid
    Naomi Campbell
    Natalie Portman
    Naya Rivera
    NBA
    NBA All Star Game
    NBC
    Nelly
    NeNe Leakes
    Netflix
    NFL
    Nick Cannon
    Nicki Minaj
    Nick Viall
    Nicolas Cage
    Nike
    Nikki Bella
    Nirvana
    Notorious B.I.G.
    NXIVM
    OAR
    OJ Simpson
    Olivia Jade
    Olivia Wilde
    Omarosa
    Operation Varsity Blues
    Oprah
    Orlando Bloom
    Ozzy Osbourne
    Pamela Anderson
    Parkland
    Patrick Carney
    Pat Sajak
    Paul Haggis
    Paul McCartney
    Pedophile
    Perez Hilton
    Pervert
    Pete Davidson
    Peter Weber
    Phaedra Parks
    Podcast
    Porsha Williams
    Presley Gerber
    Prince Andrew
    Prince Harry
    Prince William
    Queen Elizabeth
    Race
    Rachel Dolezal
    Racism
    Ramona Singer
    Ray J
    Real Housewives
    Real Housewives Of Atlanta
    Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills
    Real Housewives Of Dallas
    Real Housewives Of New Jersey
    Real Housewives Of New York City
    Real Housewives Of Orange County
    Real Housewives Of Potomac
    Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City
    Reality TV
    Rege-Jean Page
    Relationships
    RHONJ
    Rick Shroder
    R Kelly
    R. Kelly
    Robert Kraft
    Rob Kardashian
    Roger Ailes
    Ronnie Magro
    Ronnie Ortiz Magro
    Ronnie Ortiz-Magro
    Roseanne Barr
    Rosie O'Donnell
    Royal Family
    Russia
    Saitre
    Samantha Bee
    Samantha Markle
    Sandra Bullock
    Sarcasm
    Satan
    SATC
    Satire
    Savannah Guthrie
    Scandal
    Scarlett Johansson
    Scheana Shay
    Scientology
    Scott Baio
    Scott Disick
    Scottie Pippen
    Scott Scarborough
    Seinfeld
    Selena Gomez
    Serena Williams
    Sex Tape
    Sexual Harassment
    Shahs Of Sunset
    Shanna Moakler
    Shannon Beador
    Shaq
    Shep Rose
    Sheree Whitfield
    Shia LaBeouf
    Sicko
    Simon Cowell
    Slap
    Slap A Ceiebrity
    Slap A Celebrity
    Slap List
    Smash Mouth
    Snark
    SNL
    Society
    Sonja Morgan
    Southern Charm
    Spencer Pratt
    Spice Girls
    Spike Lee
    Spilling Tea
    Spill The Tea
    Stacey Dash
    Star Trek
    Stassi Schroeder
    Stephen A. Smith
    Stephen Dorff
    Steven Seagal
    Steve Rannazzisi
    Stormy Daniels
    Stranger Things
    Stupid
    Sugar Bear
    Super Bowl
    Tabitha Brown
    Tamra Judge
    Taylor Hanson
    Taylor Hicks
    Taylor Swift
    Ted Nugent
    Teresa Giudice
    Teresa Guidice
    Terrell Owens
    Terry Crews
    The Affair
    The Bachelor
    The Bachelorette
    The Fat Jewish
    The Game
    The Hoff
    The Kardashians
    The Meaning Of Mariah
    The New Yorker
    The Oscars
    The Spears Family
    The Tea
    The Wonder Years
    This Is Us
    Thomas Markle
    Thomas Ravenel
    Thong
    T.I.
    Tiger King
    Tiger Woods
    TikTok
    Tina Knowles
    Tish Cyrus
    TLC
    TMZ
    Today Show
    Todd Chrisley
    Tom Brady
    Tom Cruise
    Tony Robbins
    Tori Spelling
    Travis And Kourtney
    Travis Barker
    Travis Scott
    Tristan Thompson
    Trump
    Tyler Shields
    Tyrese Gibson
    Usher
    Val Kilmer
    Vanderpump Rules
    Vanessa Marcil
    Vegas
    VegasStrong
    Vicki Gunvalson
    Victim Advocate
    Victoria Beckham
    Victoria Fuller
    Vince Vaughn
    Vinnie Guadagnino
    Vontae Davis
    Wack 100
    Warren Beatty
    Wendy Williams
    Wheel Of Fortune
    White House
    William Shatner
    Will Smith
    Will Smith Slapped Chris Rock
    Winnie Cooper
    Winter Olympics
    Writing
    Writng
    Ye
    Yoga
    Yolanda Hadid
    Yosef
    Zayn Malik

    RSS Feed