Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Parental Defiance

5/22/2020

Offenders for the week ending May 22, 2020:

#3 JON GOSSELIN

The former "star" of the reality show "Kate Plus 8" and ex-hubby to Kate Gosselin isn't talking to six of his eight children. He has sole custody of Colin, and daughter Hannah chose to live with dear ol' (deadbeat) dad. The kid thing happens. I guess. The part that is most annoying about this individual is his lack of career focus. First, he was a well-paid engineer. But, he quit the engineering thing because he said his fame made it too difficult for him to keep that job. Mmmmmkay. Then, he turned his ambitions to the world of entertainment. As in-- club DJ. #Fail

And now... he's a prep cook. I'm not saying the prep cook life is bad. What I'm saying is: YOU HAVE A F&CKING DEGREE IN ENGINEERING! Go. Engineer. Because methinks the prep cook salary isn't covering your responsibility to help with the cost of eight children.

Just...

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#2 TORI SPELLING AND DEAN MCDERMOTT

These two asshats landed on the list multiple times in recent memory for their life of debt and failed money-making schemes. And now they're back, somehow able to afford a move into a $3.7 million home. The two owe $1.2 million in back taxes and credit card debt. Actually, we should be slapping whomever gave these two a loan. Was it one of those deals like: Buy this 1989 Chevy Cavalier at 23.3% interest with no money down?

Enjoy your private sauna, pool, waterfall, two master suites, a wet bar, and a gourmet kitchen.

The two of you better never publicly bitch about your money situation ever again.

P.S. If you're looking for public sympathy, you shouldn't do things like buy ANYTHING. Duh!

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#1 LORI LOUGHLIN AND MOSSIMO GIANNULLI

Lookie who's going to jail! The parents of the year. The two douchnozzles that held-out the longest, proclaiming their innocence the loudest. The couple have agreed to plead guilty to conspiracy charges in the Operation Varsity Blues admissions scandal. Lori will serve two months in prison and pay a $150,000 fine. Hubby Mossimo will spend five months in prison and pay a $250,000 fine. Both will have two years of supervised release and 250 hours community service.

Lori was certain a judge was going to dismissed all charges, because they were bamboozled by Rick Singer-- the head honcho of this deception.

Wrong! But if you're innocent, why plead? Her lawyer said:

"This was a now or never deal. It was presented as the last clear chance for them to plead before going to trial, and they knew that if they were found guilty, they were realistically looking at more than a year behind bars, probably more like three or four."

I'm sure those two months are going to seem like a loooong time for Aunt Becky. Maybe when it's all said and done she can star in a Hallmark makeover of "Orange is the New Black". Yes! A movie in which a mom from the suburbs ends up in prison after a fight at a school bake sale, and manages to turn all her fellow prisoners into upstanding citizens after teaching them yoga and ear candling.

Girl, bye!

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Not Spell(ing)bound

4/10/2020

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Offenders for the week ending April 10th, 2020:

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#3 MEGHAN KING EDMONDS

Granted, I always thought your ex's name should be Richard. Because he's a complete dick. But... the dude has the 'rona and you want him dead? The former Real Housewives of Orange County cast member posted a TikTok video that slams her ex, baseball legend Jim Edmonds-- without calling him out by name. You know, that whole passive-aggressive game.

"Got a text from my ex the other day, he said he missed me. I said, 'I'm sorry I can't talk right now, I'm at a funeral.' He said, 'Oh, my God. Who died?' I said, 'My feelings for you did. Bye, f&cker.'"

Ouch. I know you're in a heated custody battle, and he allegedly shagged the nanny, and he's a warted ween... wait... am I on your side now? I'm slapping you anyways, just cuz.

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#2 MASON DISICK

I'm feeling like I need to beef with someone, because it seems beefin' is the thing to do. Even 10-year-old Mason (the son of Kourtney Kardashion and Scott Discik) be beefin'. During a live stream with TikTok personality Addison Rae, the pre-pube called YouTuber and makeup mogul Jeffree Star:

"...spoiled AF."

Uhhhmmm.... Jeffree is self-made, meaning-- he made all his money. He had nothing to begin with. You, child, were born into privilege. Who's spoiled? Also, your lame af parents shouldn't allow you to use the phrase "af" because you're 10.

Go to your room!

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#1 TORI SPELLING & DEAN MCDERMOTT

So... we slapped Tori recently (and again today) because she's refused to pay her $90,000 American Express bill, and now the company is coming for her assets because they want paid. Tori then rolled-out some scheme where 20 lucky fans would get a one-on-one live chat with her-- for the low price of $95. That's when the internet lost its mind, and hubs Dean came to his damsel's rescue. It wasn't Tori's idea! And she just wanted to help people in this tough time:

"... because it's Tori Spelling, she gets dragged and she gets the hater coming down on her for simply doing something to entertain people, but more importantly, to provide for her family. What's wrong with that? What is wrong with providing for your family at this time?"

Hmmmm... First, real celebrities (not your wife) are donating the proceeds to have such opportunities with them through platforms like Omaze-- not pocketing the money. Second, who the eff has an extra $95 right now when so many people are out of work and others are keeping their budgets strict? Third, you could get a J-O-B, Dean the Ween. (Amazon is hiring) And lastly, who would pay to talk to Tori Spelling?

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Flay-ed & Flamed

4/3/2020

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Offenders for the week ending April 3, 2020:

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#3 TORI SPELLING & DEAN MCDERMOTT

For the love of all things good: Pay. Your. Bills. The couple has been locked in a legal battle over credit card debt with American Express Bank for the past four years now. The two refuse to pay back the $90,000 they owe. And now, AMEX is saying, "pay up, sucka!"

The entity has asked the Los Angeles Sheriff's Office to help seize their assets and property.

Yup. That's how it works. You buy stuff, then need to pay for it. Sorry your mommy isn't giving you any of the fortune your pops Aaron left behind. Maybe get a legit J-O-B, or downsize before AMEX downsizes you.

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#2 LOGAN PAUL

I loathe that YouTube celebrities are a real thing. Most of them are repulsive and useless, like our #2 offender (how fitting). He is the quintessential millennial toolbag (because there are many awesome millennials out there that don't need tainted by this taint pimple.) He's entitled because he breathes. He's entitled because he was born. He makes fun of people and makes money for doing nothing. And now he's all whiny-where's-my-mommy because he made a mistake. Dude bought a pair of $90,000 Mercedes Benz couches. And now he wants to sell them... on Craigslist. Not because he needs cash, but because it no longer fits his "style".

First of all, what the eff makes a Benz couch so damned special? And second of all, who da fuque still uses Craigslist!?!?! Third, pretentious douche never goes out of fashion, no?

He took to Instagram to lament his predicament:

(All I want for my birthday is)... for someone, anyone, to buy these f&cking couches from (me)".

At least they're discounted to $2,000. The stains are free...

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#1 BOBBY FLAY

He was well-intended, but... the master chef took to the socials to ask the generous public to help pay his restaurant employees that have been displaced by COVID-19. He started a GoFundMe page and said he'd match the first $100,000... How sweet!

"The loyal, creative and hard-working people of my fine dining restaurants are in dire need. The onset of this pandemic has literally crushed their ability to earn a living virtually overnight. Please find it in your hearts to give what you can... My heart is breaking for them. Please lend us a hand."

People have been calling Bobby out, because he's amassed a fortune of at least $60 million. That's a sizable amount of money, isn't it?

What the eff, Booby? Maybe you need to take a page out of Conan O'Brien's playbook. Back-in-the-day when he was in a dispute with NBC over The Tonight Show and things got ugly, he paid his fired staff-- out of his own pocket. Boom.

Perhaps you need a meat tenderizer to the head... Or do you need a GoFundMe to purchase one?

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Tattoo Fool

2/1/2019

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Offenders for the week ending February 1, 2019

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#3 TORI SPELLING

She's been ordered to pay more than $88,000 to American Express. In January of 2016, the credit card company sued her after she failed to pay up for months. In December of 2016, Tori and husband Dean McDermott were sued by City National Bank for nearly $200,000 after failing to repay a $400,000 loan.

Tori blames her childhood for her money woes, saying she was born into a lavish lifestyle as the daughter of TV producer Aaron Spelling:

"I grew up rich beyond anyone's wildest dreams. I never knew anything else. Even when I try to embrace a simpler lifestyle, I can't seem to let go of my expensive tastes."

Well, you could file for bankruptcy. Or, you could get some debt counselling. Don't they do that for formerly-rich folks? Or, you and your actor hubby could try and find other work. Or this: Stop. Spending. Money.

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#2 THE GAME

Some dudes are just stupid. Some need to get a hobby. Some stupid men need to get a hobby. The Game is one of them. Why would you want to poke the angry bear named Kanye?

The Game has regaled us with a song about his naked time back-in-the-day with Kim Kardashian:

"I held Kim Kardashian by the throat, n*gga. I made her swallow my kids until she choked, n*gga. I should apologize cause Ye my folks, n*gga."

Uhmmmm, if you know there's something you need to apologize for and do it in advance, it's still a steamy pile and still offensive! Why do these fellas feel the need to talk about whom they've banged? And whomever Kim shook genitals with pre-marriage doesn't matter. On top of this, The Game claims he's bedded three Kardashians: Kim, Khloe and Blac Chyna (who was married to Rob Kardashian, so that counts?).

Is there some club with benefits for nailing a Kardashian? Like Publishers Clearing House or a Kardashian of the Month Club? Whatevs.

The Game is a loser at the class game.

#1 ARIANA GRANDE

I love it when people try to display their inner-deep-thinker-I'm-so-evolved-zenmeister on their bodies. Because 99% of the time it's a fail. Ariana may be famous and privileged, but she couldn't escape a tattoo eff-up of epic proportions.

She intended to commemorate her new single "7 Rings". In that video, she correctly uses the Japanese kanji for the title. But when it came time to get inked, she skipped a few very-important symbols which changed the meaning to:

"shichirin" which means: "barbecue grill"

BWAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!

She has since removed pictures of her palm tattoo from social media. But when she was responding she said:

"It (tattoo) hurt like f*ck n still looks tight. I wouldn't have lasted one more symbol lmao."

If you can't take the pain, get out of the tattoo parlor! What if your tattoo ended up meaning: 'I f*ck squirrels in the ass" because you couldn't take the pain? Fool.

At least it wasn't some dude's name she got tattooed. But didn't she do that previously?

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Bee Gone

6/8/2018

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Offenders for the week ending June 8, 2018:

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#3 TORI SPELLING

I don't know why this is such a difficult concept to grasp: make money, file taxes, pay taxes-- whether technically we need to or not, or whether or not it's fair-- just do it! I feel for ya, girl. You've got that deadbeat scrub for a husband, a cooky momma, and years of money woes. Adding more debt to the fire, Tori owes the State of California over $280,000 in taxes. She's made the list of the state's top tax delinquents.

I'm sure having no job and five kids is rough-- and no inheritance from your dad's passing, since your mom holds the purse strings and the two of you don't get along. But.... there are ways to get out of the hole. Stop overspending, make your man work for a living instead of riding off of your last name all these years, and get yo self a side hustle. Like make something and sell it on QVC. Like sausages or glittery sweater vests.

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#2 BILL CLINTON

You are like 50 Shades of Douche. So glad you decided to speak up about your impeachment in the midst of the Monica Lewinsky scandal and alllll the suffering you endured in light of the #MeToo movement. Wrinkled Willie cried about how he was $16 million in debt when he left the White House, and how facts are facts-- nothing would've changed, he wouldn't have done anything differently, and he surely doesn't owe Monica an apology:

She does deserve an apology from the man she loved and admired. Yes, she was a grown woman who was star-struck by you. And you gave her the attention she craved and then threw her under a bus the first chance you got. Such a horrific double standard. She was branded a dirty whore, while you were just a man gettin' some 'tang. You have your name, your cronies, your money to protect you. She had, and still has-- nothing. She's the never-ending pop culture punchline who struggles to have a personal relationship, a career, a life-- because of a foolish young woman's mistake.

Quite honestly, go eat a bag of sweaty d*cks.

You're so full of yourself and believe you're so untouchable. And maybe at this point, you are. But you won't be forever. No matter who you've bought and what soul-selling you've done, you can't escape the fires of Hell.

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#1 SAMANTHA BEE

Samantha Bee surely knows how to sting. I totally understand that there are a lot of Hollywood types that loathe our president. For whatever reason, you loathe a man who y'all once sucked up to when he was just a billionaire businessman but, I digress. And illogically, when you loathe someone, you loathe their entire family because why not? AND... you take some innocuous posting from said family member and turn it into something political. How original.

Our bumbled bee took a photo of Ivanka Trump and her son and decided to deride her over her daddy's immigration policy. Not a fact-based, intellectual relaying of opinion-- but a full-frontal gutter-sludge name-calling attack:

"Let me just say, one mother to another, do something about your dad's immigration practices, you feckless c*nt."

Wow. Your comedic prowess and wit really shone through on that one! But, as always, the offender is sorry:

"I would like to sincerely apologize to Ivanka Trump and to my viewers for using an expletive on my show to describe her... it was inappropriate and inexcusable. I crossed a line, and I deeply regret it."

Yank, yank. You don't. But that's besides the point. Here's a concept: since Mr. Trump is open to receiving Hollywood "leaders" with concerns (ie: Kim Kardshian) into the White House, why don't you float over there, and share your concerns about immigration? Because it's easier to use your platform to name-call than to try to actually be a catalyst for change.

You need swatted, Samanta Bee-yotch!

P.S. And another thing. I hate liberal hypocrisy. You stand up and march and cry out for female empowerment, but you decimate women that don't share your views and spew the most vile hatred towards them. Which is not empowering or supportive. Right? Maybe you're a feckless f*ck face.

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Parental Defiance

Not Spell(ing)bound

Flay-ed & Flamed

Tattoo Fool

Bee Gone

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