Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Scary Busey

8/25/2022

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offender for the week ending August 26th, 2022:

#3 & #2 KATE GOSSELIN & JON GOSSELIN

These two formerly-married stars that shot to fame via their Jon & Kate Plus 8 reality TV featuring life with a set of twins and sextuplets refuse to go away. How these two ever fell in love and got married, I'll never know, because these two are toxic af. So what are they fighting about now? Jon says Kate stole $100-grand from their kids' trust fund for "living expenses." He made the discovery when he took custody of the kids back in 2018. Kate said she was borrowing it to survive. But how did she afford a $750,000 home that same year?

Jon says she hasn't paid the money back. Speaking of not paying money, Kate's lawyer has fired this:

“Kate’s integrity is impeccable. I can’t say the same for Jon Gosselin.”

Guess he owes over $130 grand in child support, not counting interest. And we know that's true, cuz dawg hasn't had a job since the reality show and since they divorced due to his infidelity. He's a scrub and she's a bish. Those poor kids.

via GIPHY

#1 GARY BUSEY

This assclown. The 78-year-old is facing four charges, including two counts of criminal sexual contact in Cherry Hill, New Jersey. He was there for a Monster-Mania Convention, when police were called to the Doubletree Hotel regarding the charges. He allegedly grabbed the backsides of two women before sticking his face near a third woman's boobalas and asking "where she got them." He supposedly also tried to undo her bra. Busey commented about the incident:

“Nothing happened.. There were… a partner, and a camera lady, and me and two girls… it took less than 10 seconds, and then they left.”

Okay. So if it's less than :30 seconds it's cool? Crazy phucker. Two days later, Busey was caught sitting on a bench at Point Dume Park in Malibu with his pants around his knees.

Please. Put your fossil ween back in your pants and go away. Gross.

Skeevy, Skanky & Stupid

9/18/2020

Offenders for the week ending 09/18/20:

via GIPHY

#3 MICHAEL DARBY, Cast Member/Real Housewives of Potomac

His wife, Ashley, is a main cast member of this show. Which means their lives are on display for us to peep on. Which means that if you're trying to keep your shady sihzz on the DL, you really can't. Because you're known and people are coming for you. Which means if you're gonna have a wild night at a strip club while your wife is away with your infant son, you best keep your kinks in your pants.

The Aussie fossil and his way younger wife were the hot topic last season, as Michael was accused of wanting to play another man's skin flute, and he was charged with grabbing a male cameraman's booty. Maybe it's an Australian thing, but methinks he wants the pouch and the joey all at the same time.

No one cares how you live your life. But if you're lying to your wife and lying to yourself, well-- BYE. Do better at keeping your down under activities down under...

via GIPHY

#2 LINDSAY LOHAN

There's a simple premise in business: You get paid to perform a service; you're expected to complete that service. Lindsay doesn't understand this very basic concept. See, HarperCollins gave LiLo a $365 thousand advance back in 2014 to write her memoir about her troubled life. Then, she got into trouble for not producing a final product after a year had passed. So, being kind and wanting some delish tea-- they extended the contract by two years.

Crickets.

The contract was terminated in 2018. But that didn't mean she could keep the money for nothing. Duh! Lindsay was asked to pay the advance back, which didn't happen. And now it's 2020 and she's got a court date in the future. Time to get a rich boyfriend to pay this for you. Is Jon Peters available? If he married Pamela Anderson for, like, a hot minute and paid off her debt, well...

via GIPHY

#1 JON GOSSELIN

Again, you're an embarrassment to your gender, to Koreans, and to humanity in general. Add alleged abuser to his list of douchebaggery. County of Berks, Pennsylvania Child & Youth Services has opened an investigation into an alleged violent incident between Jon and his 16-year-old son Collin:

"causing bodily injury to a child through recent act/failure to act: hitting/punching."

This is consistent with a post from Collin on his IG alleging his dad "beat him":

"My dad is a liar. Yesterday he beat me up and thought nothing of it, he punched me in the face and gave me a swollen nose and I started bleeding. He then continued to kick me in the ribs after I was on the floor. He is a liar."

A source says the incident happened after Collin became upset while talking to Jon in the car.

"Collin got furious and was screaming and swearing. When they got home, he was still screaming and cursing and he went into the garage and got... a big heavy bottle of liquid-- and hurled it at Jon's car, denting it. Jon got out of the car, enraged, and put him in a headlock, punched him square in the nose, and when Collin fell to the ground, then he kicked him in the ribs."

It's been publicized in the past that Collin has behavioral issues, and chose to live with Jon instead of momma Kate. I'm sure the truth of what happened is somewhere in the middle. And granted, if I had hurled something at my dad-- he would've knocked me into next week. But, there's a difference between discipline, restraining someone before you should call the authorities, and beating the stuff out of someone-- especially your minor child.

Perhaps your focus should be on fatherhood and earning money to support your 8 kids, instead of trying to live some fantasy life as a club DJ. A club DJ in small-town PA, no less.

Sigh...

Parental Defiance

5/22/2020

Offenders for the week ending May 22, 2020:

via GIPHY

#3 JON GOSSELIN

The former "star" of the reality show "Kate Plus 8" and ex-hubby to Kate Gosselin isn't talking to six of his eight children. He has sole custody of Colin, and daughter Hannah chose to live with dear ol' (deadbeat) dad. The kid thing happens. I guess. The part that is most annoying about this individual is his lack of career focus. First, he was a well-paid engineer. But, he quit the engineering thing because he said his fame made it too difficult for him to keep that job. Mmmmmkay. Then, he turned his ambitions to the world of entertainment. As in-- club DJ. #Fail

And now... he's a prep cook. I'm not saying the prep cook life is bad. What I'm saying is: YOU HAVE A F&CKING DEGREE IN ENGINEERING! Go. Engineer. Because methinks the prep cook salary isn't covering your responsibility to help with the cost of eight children.

Just...

via GIPHY

#2 TORI SPELLING AND DEAN MCDERMOTT

These two asshats landed on the list multiple times in recent memory for their life of debt and failed money-making schemes. And now they're back, somehow able to afford a move into a $3.7 million home. The two owe $1.2 million in back taxes and credit card debt. Actually, we should be slapping whomever gave these two a loan. Was it one of those deals like: Buy this 1989 Chevy Cavalier at 23.3% interest with no money down?

Enjoy your private sauna, pool, waterfall, two master suites, a wet bar, and a gourmet kitchen.

The two of you better never publicly bitch about your money situation ever again.

P.S. If you're looking for public sympathy, you shouldn't do things like buy ANYTHING. Duh!

via GIPHY

#1 LORI LOUGHLIN AND MOSSIMO GIANNULLI

Lookie who's going to jail! The parents of the year. The two douchnozzles that held-out the longest, proclaiming their innocence the loudest. The couple have agreed to plead guilty to conspiracy charges in the Operation Varsity Blues admissions scandal. Lori will serve two months in prison and pay a $150,000 fine. Hubby Mossimo will spend five months in prison and pay a $250,000 fine. Both will have two years of supervised release and 250 hours community service.

Lori was certain a judge was going to dismissed all charges, because they were bamboozled by Rick Singer-- the head honcho of this deception.

Wrong! But if you're innocent, why plead? Her lawyer said:

"This was a now or never deal. It was presented as the last clear chance for them to plead before going to trial, and they knew that if they were found guilty, they were realistically looking at more than a year behind bars, probably more like three or four."

I'm sure those two months are going to seem like a loooong time for Aunt Becky. Maybe when it's all said and done she can star in a Hallmark makeover of "Orange is the New Black". Yes! A movie in which a mom from the suburbs ends up in prison after a fight at a school bake sale, and manages to turn all her fellow prisoners into upstanding citizens after teaching them yoga and ear candling.

Girl, bye!

The Cyrus is Spreading

10/18/2019

Offenders for the week ending October 17, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 MAMA JUNE

You can take the trash out, but it's still trash. This unfortunate reality TV star had it all, except class and common sense, but we digress. She and her loser boyfriend, Geno Doak (or is that D*ck?) have both entered "not guilty" pleas in their crack cocaine possession case. These two starred in the We TV reality series "From Hot to Not." The two didn't show up in an Alabama courtroom, which disappointed the reality TV crew. (Why does she still have a show?)

Anywho... the last time Doak was in court, he shouted a homophobic slur and cussed out a photographer. Why can't this slob-y wench disappear?

via GIPHY

#2 JON GOSSELIN

This dude continues to be an embarrassment to the Korean people, as well as the male gender in general. He's still unhappy with his ex-wife, Kate. I get it. He's not thrilled that Kate continues to film "Kate Plus 8" with their children-- the youngest six are all 15 now. Sure, a judge ruled that filming isn't the best thing for the kids. But methinks Jon protesting isn't because of his love for his children:

"(The network) didn't care. It's really upsetting that big businesses and big corporations go do whatever they want, against a parent's legal right. I do know what (Kate's) capable of, whether it's mental or physical (abuse). I have two kids in my house who left a whole pile of money behind. They left fame and money and came to my house. They left it all behind."

And you left your (steady, high-paying) engineering job to pursue your nightclub-DJ dreams (not-so-steady, maybe a one-time big pile... of money). You can'T support eight kids without a J-O-B. Miss that reality money yourself, don't you?

via GIPHY

#1 CODY SIMPSON AND MILEY CYRUS

Is Miley's bucket list really a f*ckit list-- like, anything that moves? She dumped her lady love for some Oscar Mayer, in the form of Cody Simpson. He says their uglies-bumpin' "wasn't sudden" and "he's very happy." Wasn't Miley recently really happy with what's-her-face? And if this wasn't sudden, then was she cheating on the lady she was cheating on her husband with? Exactly. It hurts your head, no? Cody says:

"We just have a ball (or two-- wink, wink) and that's the most important part of a relationship. The reason why it's not like... it hasn't been a really crazy sudden thing is we've been friends for so long that when we sort of found each other again in a space where... We both met back in the day when we were partying a lot. We had a lot of fun then... but now we've found each other in a space where we're not partying, working real hard and just like (to) keep things healthy."

But I thought the reason Miley dumped that chick was because it was moving too fast towards commitment? Maybe she just needed to fill the hole... in her heart...

Why does anyone want this hazmat vag? It's not golden. Gooey, maybe...

Bad Boys-- Whatcha Gonna Do?

9/8/2017

Offenders for the week ending September 8, 2017:

"And that's how I got in trouble in the first place..."

#3 BRAD PITT

Hey-- Brad's sorry that he cheated on Jennifer Aniston with Angelina Jolie. Really, Captain Obvious?!?! Going through a bit of Hell, are we? Now that you're feeling the wrath of Angie, you now know what it's like to be treated like a piece of garbage. An insider claims Brad reached out to Jen earlier this week, but that doesn't mean he wants to re-insert himself into her life.

Good.

Rumor has it that Brad and Angie are going to give their relationship another try for the sake of the kids. Awesome. But y'all best check your issues before you proceed. Cuz if they ain't gone, they'll just resurface.

P.S. Do you feel like this is a bit of Karma coming back to bite your sack?

Exactly.

#2 JON GOSSELIN

While Kim Jong-un is a disgrace to the North Korean folk, Jon is certainly in the running to be the ruination of South Korean folk. This fat, lazy POS has no J.O.B. and now he wants OUR help to pay his $30,000 in court fees incurred during his battle with ex-albatross, Kate. So, his girlfriend has started a GoFundMe campaign which is hoping to play on the sympathies of us fine people:

"The family and friends of Jon Gosselin know the loving, caring, devoted father that he is, and they understand his desire to do what is best for his children... Jon works hard each day and most weekends, wanting nothing more than to spend quality time with his kids."

Boo-effing-hoo! Then ask your damn peeps for a loan! His main complaint is that his ex makes all that reality/entertainment money, and he's struggling. Dude-- you used to be an engineer. AN ENGINEER! He had another engineering job once the Kate Plus 8 train derailed, but he left that job because of the pressure of being "known." So, dude tried to be club DJ and exotic dancer.

There is some charity involved here-- any extra money raised will go to a children's home in Pennsylvania. While that's cool and all, put your damn hand back in your damn pocket!

By the way, you're out of the Korean club, you fool!

"Hey, Oz-- your conscience is calling..."

#1 OZZY OSBOURNE

Maybe Blizzard of Oz is referring to that thang in his pants? Which is a visual I'm sorry to have produced in your mind... Wife Sharon is opening up about his infidelities. Ozzy was making nice with his hairstylist AND many others:

"There wasn't just one woman, there were six of them."

Vurp. And who were they?:

"Some f*cking Russian teenager, then a masseuse in England... our masseuse in L.A.-- and then, our cook."

Apparently, anyone that touches or feeds this toolbag might get some "bangers-and-mash." Sheesh. The cheating alone makes him an idiot, but this-- this makes him the King of Idiots:

"(We were sitting on the couch) he sends me this email. (I asked him) 'Why did you send me this stupid email?' Ozzy told me he hadn't sent me anything, I grabbed his phone and said 'Look!' And of course it was a message meant for one of his bloody women."

Oh, Ozzy. When you're trying to keep things on the D.L., double-check your "work." Or was your f*ck up your subconscious saying to you: "Stop being an idiot!"

PHOTO CREDIT:
www.giphy.com

An Abomination Unto Us...

3/31/2017

Offender for the week ending March 31, 2017.

Yes, you read that properly. There is only one offender this week. And he's a ginormous toolbag.

#3 - #1 JON GOSSELIN

Usually, those of the Asian Persuasion aren't foolish. Quirky. Kinky. Endearing. Yes. But foolish? There ain't no time for that! But the exception is Jon Gosselin. A complete embarrassment to the Asian Nation.

There was a time that I had empathy in my heart for this dipshit. His ex-wfie Kate is no walk in the park. That b*tch is a mother-effing hurricane wrapped inside an erupting volcano. But over time, I grew to understand why she browbeat him relentlessly-- HE'S AN IDIOT!

Sure, having eight kids is a bit of a challenge. But to spiral into a complete mess and affront to humanity and then expect us to care is repulsive. Let's take a stroll down memory lane. Jon-boy was an engineer (great job, by the way) when he met Kate-- a nurse. They got married, had two children, then decided to try for one more. Well, then came 6 more kids and a reality TV show. Jon quit his job and then quit parenting because it was time for his midlife crisis. He started staying out all night with tramps much younger than himself, clubbing, drinking, acting like a frat boy. Kate wasn't having any of it, so she divorced him.

No big deal. Jon's a star, right?!?! Well, nobody offered him a reality show. And he claimed because of his "fame" that he couldn't keep down a real job anymore, and that meant he couldn't pay child support, blah, blah, blah. So, he became a cook at TGI Fridays, then a club DJ. A bad club DJ. And now.... this...

Road trip anyone? Vomit.

The ad reads that it's his "big debut". Well, since your ex-wife and your ex-hoes called you "stubby", there's nothing 'big" about you. Except your chins and your gut. For $40 you can watch him de-robe in what is surely to be the furthest thing from sexy. Have thee not any pride!?!?! Your children are now old enough to see your stanky pile of B.S. on the internet. It's not that I have a problem with stripping. Who cares? I have a problem with this sorry excuse for a male stripping. This douchenipple is just looking for attention which he surely hopes translates into some other reality gig that will net him big bucks. Here's a thought:

Get a damn job!

You can still work as an engineer. I know office life is boring, but engineers do make good money. But that would require you to work as a professional, which you are the furthest thing from. (Sorry to end a sentence with a preposition, but I'm fired up!)

And the biggest reason I want to slap the crap out of you-- you're sullying the Korean ethnicity. The half of me that's Korean wants to punch you in your kimchi-eating mouth. Why? Because Korean folk are cool. If there are any fellow-yellows out there doing stupid newsworthy things, it's usually the Chinese or the Japanese. But with your mere existence, we are tarnished. Forever.

For the sake of mankind, KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON! AND THEN DISAPPEAR!

PHOTO CREDIT:
GIF www.giphy.com

Scary Busey

Skeevy, Skanky & Stupid

Parental Defiance

The Cyrus is Spreading

Bad Boys-- Whatcha Gonna Do?

An Abomination Unto Us...

About The Slap

Archives

Categories