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YouBoob

1/25/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending: January 25, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 JOSH CHARLES
I totally forgot that this dude is/was an actor, because his most famous role was waaaay back in "Dead Poet's Society". Guess he's on a couple of TV shows? Anywho, he's a deep thinker. If you don't agree with his left wing politics, meaning you're a supporter of the President, then you suck.

"I'm so sick of this motherf*cker. Just so sick. This needs to end. F*ck him and every single person who continues to support him and his dangerous administration."

So eloquent. And hypocritical. The Left stands for all people, yet if you dare to not agree with its point of view then you open yourself to hate speech, threats, violence. Yes, let's end this danger. Sigh. So cliche. 

I'm calling you out for your lack of originality. Just as sparkling as your acting career. BWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!

via GIPHY

#2 CARDI B
Apparently, it's all about "the D." The hip-hop artist may soon reconcile with her lying, cheating husband. She recently admitted the thing she misses the most from her hubby is his wang. Not the relationship; not his fine parenting skills-- his ween. The same ween that he slapped some other tramp with. 

Cardi B and Offset broke up in December, but then reunited in Puerto Rico two weeks later because she:

                                               "Just had to to get f*cked. That's all."

But sources say she has a really deep love for Offset. How deep? Like, nine inches deep?

If this dude has such a magic rod, then perhaps he should have a residency in Vegas instead of you. If dude cheats on you one time, he'll do it again.

via GIPHY

#1 LOGAN PAUL, social media "star" and YouTube vlogger
​This rich kid-turned-celebrity is the epitome of the clueless millennial. Young and unaware. And, sadly, famous for doing nothing because there are so many even-younger sheeple in this world. During one of his podcasts he was discussing something meaningless with a fellow jerk junkie.

"January is sober vegan January... It's male-only March. We're going to attempt to go gay for just one month." 

Really? When so many people struggle on the daily with coming to terms with their sexuality, you're going to make it a fun game? This just further proves how vile this thing is. Last year, Paul was called out for a vlog post that showed the body of an alleged suicide victim in Japan. At that time, he was really sorry for what he did:

"It's time to start a new chapter in my life... I'm humbled and thankful to say this is just the beginning."

Of what? Your continued douchebaggery? Well, you've succeeded!

How 'bout you do something really outrageous in March-- act like a human being for an entire day! Betcha can't. Because you are the genetic compilation of every creature's colon. A royal shi*tbag.

Could It Be, Saaatan?

1/11/2019

 
​Offenders for the week ending January 11, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 CARDI B
This chick is a one-woman show. Her breathing air alone provides so much material. From cat-fighting with Nicki Minaj, to saying she had butterflies in her jay-jay, she's golden. This time around, she had to stop her show because of intense twerking. So intense that...

    "Anyways, y'all, I need a little break. I'll be right back, I gotta take this wedgie out my ass."

And then she skipped off stage to address what was betwixt her cheeks. I wonder if the jaws of life were needed to help her out? Or does she have a personal ass-istant to address such matters? 

Great way to capitalize on this, though. An endorsement with Charmin bathroom tissue.

"Your hiney's so Charmin shiny..."

via GIPHY

#2 JEFF BEZOS
He started Amazon from his garage, sending us boxes of joy. And it appears he couldn't keep his trouser snake out of his friend's wife's box. Whoops!

The gajillionaire is getting divorced from his wife of 25-years. Guess he wanted some south-of-the-border lovin' from TV host Lauren "Dirty?" Sanchez. Great choice. For so many reasons. Especially the one where this chick likes to high-profile date. Who better to bang than the dude who created Amazon? The pair's coupling is the main reason for Bezos' divorce. Kudos for keeping it on the DL for eight months. Not.

The two had been jetting off to exotic destinations, sending sext messages (vurp-- he's no looker), and hooking up in private estates. But this takes the prize-- a rendezvous at the same Boston hotel Jeff's family stayed at when in town for Parents Day at his son's college. 

Boo. 

You know Amazon's slogan: "Work hard, have fun, make history."  Congrats, Skeezos, for being just another typical douche who takes-the-wood to his buddy's wife. Tacky. Classless. Maybe a porch pirate needs to snatch you off this planet. 

via GIPHY

#1 CHRISTIAN BALE
We've been doing the slap for a number of years now. But seriously, when did Hollywood become completely un-fun and inundated with complete muff pimples!?!? There must be something in the air these people are breathing, or maybe Hollywood-types are Lizard People, cuz these folks are not rational. 

At the Golden Globe Awards, Christian won for his portrayal of Dick Cheney in the film "Vice." Congrats.

During his acceptance speech is when he decided to thank Satan. If actors can insincerely thank God, why not Satan? 

Well... I wouldn't want to invoke an evil entity. But that's just me. Perhaps he's already sold his soul to said entity, which would explain why he's even famous. 

Is it coincidental that a man named Christian would praise the polar opposite, Satan? Perhaps you're more like Satan than Christ. There was that little incident a few years back where you were accused of assaulting your mother and sister. No Christ-like brotherly love there. Is this just a life-long need to retaliate against your birth name. If you were named Twatski, would you then be living today as a better human being?

Way to go, American A&&hole!

Jailhouse C&ck

1/4/2019

 
Offenders for the week ending January 4, 2019:

via GIPHY

#3 MADONNA
In a sad need to remain top-of-mind, it appears Madge has gotten butt implants. Just in time for the New Year! Apparently, she was performing on stage at a gay club in NYC with her 13-year-old son when patrons noticed a curvier derriere. And it's obvious she didn't receive the gluteal gain from a lot of squats. Her ass looks like a mini-Minaj-- like two cantaloupes stuffed into some stretchy pants. Fans reacted:

                                           "Looks like she has a pillow down there!"

                                            "GOTTA be pads. GOTTA be. Right?!?!"

Others were saying that the lump was the battery pack for her in-ears. Battery packs aren't curvy.... butt.... the truth remains to be seen. Just hope she doesn't drop her pants to prove either theory. For the love of God, put your lady stuff away!

via GIPHY

#2 KANYE WEST
I don't know why Yeezy has such a boner for Drake. Maybe it's because he's Canadian. If that's the case, okay. You live in our country's attic, basically, so just stay there. But for realz, Kanye is bent because Drake-- at one time-- followed his wife, Kimmie K, on the Insta. Well, lock him up! Kim has a gajillion followers because she's perpetually in a state of near-undress. Of course any straight man with a pulse in his crotch is gonna follow her! But there is no talking logic to Kanye:

"I never knew till this morning that Drake followed my wife on Instagram back in September. I had to bring this up because it's the most f*cked up thing of all and I just saw it this morning. Imagine having a problem with somebody and they follow your wife on Instagram."

Ohhhkaaaaay.

Drake and Kanye have been beefin' since Kanye accused Drake of trying to contact the Kardashians and allegedly threatening some kind of physical harm over revealing that Drake has a 14-year-old love-child.

My head hurts for so many reasons. But seriously, why isn't Kanye a reality show? So. Much. Material. 

via GIPHY

#1 RONNIE ORTIZ-MAGRO, "Jersey Shore" Castmember
Is it the Jersey Way to star on a reality TV show, then become a criminal? Fellow castmember Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino was sentenced to eight months in prison for tax evasion, and now his buddy might be joining him in the clink if he can't get his shizz together. Ronster is a "person of interest" in a possible burglary that happened in the wee hours of New Year's Day. At least he's finally the "interesting" one from that cast. Too bad he needed a toxic relationship and potential criminal record to make that a reality. 

Ronnie and his baby-momma Jen Harley are constantly on-again, off-again. So, they were "on" on New Year's Eve, but then "off" after an argument. There was alleged destruction of property, the thieving of property, but fortunately-- no violence. 

Dude, get away from the Jen-uation. She's bad news. There are plenty of other spray-tanned, big-haired, teenie-bikini shore chicks for you to "dock your canoe". And most importantly-- you are the father of an 8-month-old girl. What kind of example are you setting? A sh&tty one. Back off the 'roids and man up where it counts-- your character.

Don't let your brain become as shriveled as your nuts.

    About The Slap

    I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)

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