Haus of V
  • Home
  • 'Wright Here
  • Write Now
  • Right On
  • The V Spot
  • Celebrity Slap
  • Crack Wise
  • Contact

Daddy Dearest

8/3/2018

0 Comments

 
Offenders for the week ending August 3, 2018:

via GIPHY

#3 DANIELLE STAUB of the Real Housewives of New Jersey
Called it! It seems to be a trend with newly-wed Bravo "Housewives"-- they rave about how awesome their beaus are, lure them into marriage, and then get divorced two months later.

Dani's marriage to Marty Caffrey is O-V-A. Why? Marty says:

"Danielle typically looks to place blame at somebody else's feet. It's difficult for her to take responsibility for anything."

Oh, and she's:

                                     "arrogant, disrespectful, presumptuous and entitled."

Look, Dani... we all know you're one sandwich short of a picnic. Seriously, you were just after this dude's cash. And to your soon-to-be-ex: WTF were YOU thinking? Have you not seen any previous seasons of RHONJ? Your wife was engaged 19 times and married twice, and she had to change her name to escape a sketchy past. 

Love it when someone's reality makes for the best reality TV. 

via GIPHY

#2 DAVID HASSELHOFF
I guess kudos to you for baggin' a 39-year-old wife. But... EWWWWWW!

The 66-year-old and his betrothed got married in Italy. The Hoff's two 20-something daughters were in attendance. Awww....

David and Hayley met in 2011 when he was a judge on Britain's Got Talent. Was she a contestant? Nope. Just a fan asking him for an autograph. So, it was a stroke job all the way around? Anywho, he only gave it to her (the autograph) after she gave him her phone number (then he gave it to her.)

You must be okay with this being an I-love-your-wallet transaction, because nobody's into your dimpled ding-a-ling. 

By the by, his new wifey and daughter share the same name. And they're close in age. Vurp.

via GIPHY

#1 THOMAS MARKLE
I think we're all aware of why Meghan doesn't have anything to do with her family: they're a bunch of pube baggers! (Her mother not included in this.) Thomas REFUSES to STFU! Refuses!

"I'm really hurt that she's cut me off completely. I used to have a phone number and text number for her personal aides at the palace, but after I said a few critical words about the royal family changing Meghan, they cut me off."

Yup. That's just how things go, Tommy boy. Now, he's making some veiled threats to air all the "dirty laundry" while the British media gives this taint-pimple a platform. The Queen herself may be intervening to make him go away!

He just so... sad... in many ways. 

"Perhaps it would be easier for Meghan if I died. I hope we reconcile. I'd hate to die without speaking to Meghan again."

Maybe if you could not be a publicity-seeking schlong pincher she'd speak to you! 

Whatevs.

Just go back to sitting around in your sh*t-stained undies, drinking a Milwaukee's Beast out on the porch of your Mexican shack. And while you're doing that, why don't you eat a bag of steamy weens, you over-inflated sad sack!

0 Comments

    About The Slap

    I lovingly call out celebs for their naughty behavior. Sometimes a 'slap' is a needed wake-up call. ;)

    Archives

    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014

    Categories

    All
    50 Cent
    Aaron Carter
    Abby Lee Miller
    Airlines
    Albert Belle
    Alec Baldwin
    Allison Mack
    ALSC
    Alyssa Milano
    American Idol
    Am Writing
    Am Writng
    Am Wrting
    Angela Lansbury
    Angelina Jolie
    Anna Duggar
    Ariana Grande
    Arie Luyendyk Jr
    Ariel Winter
    Ashley Jacobs
    Asia Argento
    Atlantic Records
    Audio
    Azealia Banks
    Bac Chyna
    Bachelor In Paradise
    Backstreet Boys
    Ben Affleck
    Beyonce
    Bhad Bhabie
    Bigfoot
    Bill Belichick
    Billboard Music Awards
    Bill Clinton
    Bill Cosby
    Bill McFarland
    Bill O'Reilly
    Billy Ray Cyrus
    Bishop Charles Ellis The Third
    Blac Chyna
    Blake Shelton
    Bobby Flay
    Boy Bands
    Brad Pitt
    Brandi Glanville
    Bravo
    Brielle Biermann
    Britney Spears
    Brittany Cartwright
    Bruce Willis
    Bryan Abrams
    Bryan Tanaka
    Caitlyn Jenner
    Cardi B
    Cash Me Outside
    Cavs
    CBS
    Cee Lo Green
    Celebrites
    Celebrities
    Celebrity Gossip
    Celebrity Slap
    Celine Dion
    Channing Tatum
    Charles Barkley
    Charlie Sheen
    Chelsea Handler
    Cher
    Chris Brown
    Chris Daughtry
    CNN
    Colin Kaepernick
    Color Me Badd
    Comedy
    Corey Feldman
    Courteney Cox
    Curling
    Dance Moms
    Dane Cook
    Danielle Bregoli
    Danielle Staub
    David Hasselhoff
    David Irving
    Deflategate
    Deflate Gate
    DeMario Jackson
    Demi Lovato
    Dennis Hof
    Dennis Rodman
    Diddy
    Die Hard
    Diplo
    Disney
    DJ Khaled
    Donald Trump
    Donna Karan
    Doping
    Dorinda Medley
    Douchebag
    Dove
    Drake
    Duchess Kate
    Eddie Murphy
    Ed Sheeran
    Enertainment
    Entertainment
    Fabio
    Faith Evans
    Faith Hill
    Fergie
    Football
    Fun
    Funny
    Fyre
    Gabbana
    Gavin Rossdale
    GOOP
    Gossip
    Gwyneth Paltrow
    Hanson
    Harassment
    Harvey Weinstein
    Haunted Hoochie
    Hayley Geftman-Gold
    Heather Locklear
    Herpes
    #HiAshley
    Hollywood
    Hot Felon
    Human Barbie
    Humor
    Humore
    Hunter Biden
    Isaiah Thomas
    Jada Pinkett Smith
    James Corden
    James Toback
    Jared Fogle
    Ja Rule
    Jax Taylor
    Jennifer Connell
    Jennifer Lawrence
    Jennifer Lopez
    Jersey Shore
    JetBlue
    JLo
    Joe Kennedy III
    John Grisham
    John Mayer
    Johnny Depp
    John Stamos
    Jon Gosselin
    Josh Duggar
    Julian Assange
    Justice
    Justin Bieber
    Kandi Burruss
    Kanye West
    Kardashians
    Kate Hudson
    Kate Moss
    Kathie Lee Gifford
    Kathryn Dennis
    Kathy Griffin
    Katy Perry
    Ke$ha
    Keira Knightley
    Keith RIchards
    Kendall Jenner
    Kendra Wilkinson
    Kendrick Lamar
    Kenya Moore
    Kevin Federline
    Kevin Hart
    Kevin Spacey
    Khloe Kardashian
    Kim Cattrall
    Kim Kardashian
    Kim Richards
    Kirstie Alley
    Kris Jenner
    Kristen Stewart
    Kylie Jenner
    Kyrie Irving
    LaCroix
    Lady Gaga
    Lamar Odom
    Landon Clements
    Larry Flynt
    Las Vegas
    Laura Ingalls Wilder
    Leah Remini
    Lenny Kravitz
    Lindsay Lohan
    Lisa Rinna
    Little Debbie
    Logan Paul
    Louis CK
    Louis Tomlinson
    Luann De Lesseps
    Madonna
    Mama June
    Mariah Carey
    Marilyn Manson
    Mario Batali
    Matt Damon
    Matt Lauer
    Meghan Markle
    Megyn Kelly
    Melanie Martinez
    Mel B
    #MeToo
    Michael Phelps
    Mike Conley
    Mike The Situation Sorrentino
    Miley Cyrus
    Miranda Lambert
    Mission Impossible
    Mohamed Sanu
    Naya Rivera
    NBA
    NBA All Star Game
    NBC
    Nelly
    Nene Leakes
    NFL
    Nicki Minaj
    Nick Viall
    Notorious B.I.G.
    NXIVM
    OAR
    OJ Simpson
    Omarosa
    Oprah
    Orlando Bloom
    Ozzy Osbourne
    Pamela Anderson
    Parkland
    Paul McCartney
    Perez Hilton
    Pete Davidson
    Phaedra Parks
    Podcast
    Porsha Williams
    Rachel Dolezal
    Real Housewives
    Real Housewives Of Atlanta
    Real Housewives Of New Jersey
    Reality TV
    RHONJ
    R. Kelly
    Rob Kardashian
    Roger Ailes
    Ronnie Magro
    Roseanne Barr
    Rosie O'Donnell
    Royal Family
    Russia
    Samantha Bee
    Samantha Markle
    Sandra Bullock
    SATC
    Satire
    Scheana Shay
    Scientology
    Scott Baio
    Scott Scarborough
    Selena Gomez
    Serena Williams
    Sexual Harassment
    Shaq
    Sheree Whitfield
    Shia LaBeouf
    Slap
    Snark
    Society
    Southern Charm
    Stassi Schroeder
    Steven Seagal
    Steve Rannazzisi
    Stormy Daniels
    Sugar Bear
    Super Bowl
    Taylor Hanson
    Taylor Hicks
    Taylor Swift
    Ted Nugent
    Terrell Owens
    The Bachelor
    The Bachelorette
    The Fat Jewish
    The Hoff
    The Kardashians
    Thomas Markle
    Thomas Ravenel
    Thong
    T.I.
    Tiger Woods
    Tina Knowles
    Today Show
    Tom Brady
    Tom Cruise
    Tony Robbins
    Tori Spelling
    Tristan Thompson
    Trump
    Tyler Shields
    Usher
    Val Kilmer
    Vanderpump Rules
    VegasStrong
    Vince Vaughn
    Vontae Davis
    Warren Beatty
    Wendy Williams
    White House
    William Shatner
    Winter Olympics
    Writing
    Writng

    RSS Feed