Writer Kathy Vogel Addresses Celebrity Bad Behavior

Shake It Off

3/5/2021

Let's raise our slap hand and get this thing done!

Offenders for the week ending March 5, 2021:

#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Cast Member/Real Housewives of New Jersey

As one of the Housewives franchise's O.G.s, she knows her days are numbered. She's making some serious coin, and she needs a storyline to stay relevant. Seriously. She's already gone to jail. Her husband got deported after serving his jail time, and then they divorced. Now what? Well, start a rumor-- no matter who it hurts. Momma's gotta support three kids at home while the fourth is in college!

Our favorite table-flipping housewive kicked-off the new season by spreading a rumor about fellow castmate Jackie's husband. At his birthday party. Classy. She told anyone that would listen that Jackie's husband "screws around" with women when he's at the gym. But she didn't have proof, and couldn't remember who shared this info with her.

Have a seat, beyotch! This isn't the first time she spread such filth. She pulled the same "I heard" b.s. with her own sister-in-law, and when someone spread a rumor about her and her former husband cheating on each other, well.... things got ugly. What a memory of convenience.

I think we need to retire some of these O.G.s, or give all the O.G.'s their own show where they can pull each other's hair out and claw each other's faces. Or let us do it for the complete satisfaction.

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#2 PAT SAJAK

Just like the late Alex Trebek, this dude is synonymous with the game show he's hosted forever-- Wheel of Fortune. But his luck may have run out after the Twittersphere's collective mind nearly exploded after he made fun of a contestant with a speech impediment.

During contestant Chris Bimble's introduction, Pathole mimicked his lisp. He put on a fake lisp to answer, "I see" as "I thee." In fact, he mocked this poor man twice. What in the af!?!?! While Chris laughed it off, you know it wasn't cool. Surely he didn't think it was cool, either. But what do you do when you're just a common person on national TV? He rolled with it. I'm sure this man has dealt with being teased his entire life for his impediment. Why does a highly-paid asshat feel the need to mock someone who obviously loves the show and is a pro at solving puzzles?

Shame on you. You should know better. You're like 5,000 years old. With age comes wisdom-- but not in this case.

I know you play games for a living. But there's no place in a 2021 world for a playground idiot.

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#1 TAYLOR SWIFT

I used to like TayTay. Now, I find her completely annoying. I was totally on her side when that whole thing went down with that douche-y DJ grabbing her bootay during a meet-and-greet way back when. I've admired her work ethic, and felt empathy for the isolated life she lives because of her fame. I even thought it sucked warted ween when she lost the rights to her original recordings through a shady record deal her dad made. But I'm a million percent over her whining. Like, seriously. For such an empowered, growly female-- you need thicker skin.

Her latest boo hoo sesh? The Netflix series "Ginny and Georgia" made a joke at her expense. EGADS! The joke?

"What do you care? You go through men faster than Taylor Swift."

That's a lot of men... Anywho, she snapped back on Twitter:

"How about we stop degrading hard working women by defining this horse shit as FuNnY."

Taylor! Language! She also took exception with Netflix, which carried her documentary, "Miss Americana" for having such a show on its service-- saying:

"Also, @Netflix after Miss Americana this outfit doesn't look cute on you. Happy Women's History Month I guess."

Waaaaah. Girl, you have f&ck you money. Who cares? Be grateful you're still relevant. Be grateful that you're such a part of pop culture that people wanna take a shot at you. Follow your own advice in that "Shake it Off" song of yours and shake it off!

Tweet Attack

7/26/2019

Offenders for the week ending 07/26/19:

Our slapees are reality TV stars. What does that say about who are considered "stars" nowadays? At least they're doing stupid stuff get slapped for! Woo hoo!

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#3 TERESA GUIDICE, Real Housewives of New Jersey Cast Member

Italians are known for being passionate and hot-tempered. Teresa rose to Housewives fame after flipping a table in a moment of rage. When asked about Season 10 of the show, she said her anger is next-level:

'What happened, I didn't expect it to happen. I'm shocked. It's just screwed up, you know? Let me just tell you, I was more mad this season than when I flipped the table."

Supposedly, her anger was directed at co-star Danielle Staub-- the same person that enraged her enough to flip that table in Season 1.

Best check yoself. Are you still on probation? Surely, you don't want to wear those bracelets again.

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#2 MR. & MRS. JAX & BRITTANY TAYLOR, Vanderpump Rules Cast Members

I thought the "honeymoon" phase of a marriage was supposed to last a year or two. For this reality TV couple, it was a whopping month! Anyone that watches this show shouldn't be surprised. Methinks their engagement and wedding was just for a payday. See, sweet Kentucky native Brittany finally made an honest man out of manho Jax Taylor. HA HA HA HA! This dude is notorious for letting his snake slither into whatever cave is warm and moist. So, it was quite amazing that Brittany forgave his cheating, as well as his shaming behavior. He has a tendency to talk down to women, treat them like dirt, and lie like a welcome mat. But Brittany has a forgiving nature (need more screen time), and the two became closer than ever- especially after Jax's father passed away unexpectedly.

After dropping 10 grand on an engagement party, and who knows how much on a fairytale wedding, things are rocky. Why? Because he's still a man-child P.O.S. and she can stop spending above their means.

"It has just been one thing after another. Brittany is already accusing Jax of having a wandering eye and she doesn't know how she is ever really going to trust him... Jax is freaking out about money now, too."

And... they don't have a pre-nup.

I'm sure the next step is getting pregnant-- for the cameras. Gag. Thanks for making a mockery of marriage...

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#1 KYLE RICHARDS, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Cast Member

You are the perfect example of how one should think before social media-ing. So many people live for that instant share-my-thoughts-with-the-world. Unfortunately, thinking rarely occurs before you hit "post". Sigh...

After Part 2 of the "reunion show", Kyle went on a 29 tweet rant. Twenty, Nine. Da fuq? We won't re-post the rant because y'all have better things to do. Maybe find it when you're sitting on the toilet and need to pass... time. Anywho, the drama of the show this season was over O.G. Lisa Vanderpump's dog rescue and a scandal involving a cast member adopting a dog but not returning it per contract, blah, blah, blah. "Puppy Gate" put me off the show forever. Sadly manufactured for a storyline. But the worst part was the rest of the cast members ganging up on Vanderpump-- a woman who had just lost her brother to suicide, and her mother passed away. Way to show your support.

So, to feel the need to rant on Twitter is sad. Who gives a f&ck? You "ladies" are a bunch of bullies with money and fading beauty and desperation for attention. To tweet about how tough your life is is laughable-- considering how you all have treated Lisa V. Perhaps there's jealousy that she can walk away, that she is uber wealthy through all her businesses and that she looks fabulous while doing it all.

Take your playground pettiness and shove it. Think the Botox has pickled your brain.

Zip Yo Lip

6/28/2019

Offenders for the week ending June 28, 2019:

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#3 TERESA GUIDICE AND DANIELLE STAUB, Real Housewives of New Jersey "stars"

Feuding bitches make for great ratings. Since one of these is completely crazy (Danielle) and the other is possibly cray cray (Teresa), we can't wait to see the next season of this hot-mess franchise. Supposedly these two reignited their feud after a half-decade of peace, and most recently-- near BFF-dom. What started the feud? Who knows.

"By the end of the season, there was a lot of finger pointing between Teresa and Danielle and it led to their falling out."

And allegedly, Teresa's sis-in-law and fellow castmember, Melissa, was stuck in the middle.

The two of these "ladies" should've never been friends in the first place. Teresa has a memory of convenience, and Danielle is delusional. Hey, Teresa. You called her a "prostitution whore" and flipped a table for a reason. But seriously, y'all are too grown to be this grade-schoolish.

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#2 LUANN de LESSEPS

So, the woman busted for drunkenness and assaulting a police officer-- and went to rehab twice is writing another book? Nobody gives a f&ck! Her first book, "Class With the Countess" was quite the humor piece. Oh, wait. She was serious in trying to school us on how to be our best classy selves.

Remember, this is a woman who was so drunk she fell into a row of bushes. This is the same classy dame that used her kids' trust fund money to support her own lifestyle. This is the same woman who has a "singing" career and cabaret show but has zero talent.

I think we'll pass on your latest book/memoir. We don't care to read about how tough life is for you. Or what you've written in your Hello, Kitty diary.

Like you like to say: Money can't buy you class. But could you please buy a one-way ticket to Mars?

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#1 ROSIE O'DONNELL

Why must this angry wind bag continue to open her mouth!?!?

Some dude wrote some book about The View, so that's given Hosey the perfect opp to spew her hate. In a recent interview, Rosie said View member Whoopi Goldberg was "mean" and "worse than Fox News." Also, this:

"(she) was the worst experience I've ever had on live television."

I would think TV in hi-def would be your biggest nightmare, but I digress... then she threw this shade at former View-er Elisabeth Hasselbeck saying that there were:

"underlying lesbian undertones" between them.

Cue the vomiting.

I would hope and pray that if Elisabeth were to take a dip in the lady pool that she would pick someone cooler than Rosie. I imagine Rosie would be like a horrible carnie in a two-sizes-too-small white t-shirt with sweat rings trying to cop a feel from an underage girl.

Perhaps Rosie has the Elisabeth fantasy. Methinks Elisabeth has better standards than Hosehead.

P.S. Don't you need to get back to alienating your children? Thanks.

Daddy Dearest

8/3/2018

Offenders for the week ending August 3, 2018:

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#3 DANIELLE STAUB of the Real Housewives of New Jersey

Called it! It seems to be a trend with newly-wed Bravo "Housewives"-- they rave about how awesome their beaus are, lure them into marriage, and then get divorced two months later.

Dani's marriage to Marty Caffrey is O-V-A. Why? Marty says:

"Danielle typically looks to place blame at somebody else's feet. It's difficult for her to take responsibility for anything."

Oh, and she's:

"arrogant, disrespectful, presumptuous and entitled."

Look, Dani... we all know you're one sandwich short of a picnic. Seriously, you were just after this dude's cash. And to your soon-to-be-ex: WTF were YOU thinking? Have you not seen any previous seasons of RHONJ? Your wife was engaged 19 times and married twice, and she had to change her name to escape a sketchy past.

Love it when someone's reality makes for the best reality TV.

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#2 DAVID HASSELHOFF

I guess kudos to you for baggin' a 39-year-old wife. But... EWWWWWW!

The 66-year-old and his betrothed got married in Italy. The Hoff's two 20-something daughters were in attendance. Awww....

David and Hayley met in 2011 when he was a judge on Britain's Got Talent. Was she a contestant? Nope. Just a fan asking him for an autograph. So, it was a stroke job all the way around? Anywho, he only gave it to her (the autograph) after she gave him her phone number (then he gave it to her.)

You must be okay with this being an I-love-your-wallet transaction, because nobody's into your dimpled ding-a-ling.

By the by, his new wifey and daughter share the same name. And they're close in age. Vurp.

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#1 THOMAS MARKLE

I think we're all aware of why Meghan doesn't have anything to do with her family: they're a bunch of pube baggers! (Her mother not included in this.) Thomas REFUSES to STFU! Refuses!

"I'm really hurt that she's cut me off completely. I used to have a phone number and text number for her personal aides at the palace, but after I said a few critical words about the royal family changing Meghan, they cut me off."

Yup. That's just how things go, Tommy boy. Now, he's making some veiled threats to air all the "dirty laundry" while the British media gives this taint-pimple a platform. The Queen herself may be intervening to make him go away!

He just so... sad... in many ways.

"Perhaps it would be easier for Meghan if I died. I hope we reconcile. I'd hate to die without speaking to Meghan again."

Maybe if you could not be a publicity-seeking schlong pincher she'd speak to you!

Whatevs.

Just go back to sitting around in your sh*t-stained undies, drinking a Milwaukee's Beast out on the porch of your Mexican shack. And while you're doing that, why don't you eat a bag of steamy weens, you over-inflated sad sack!

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